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Hulkine and the final touch


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4 hours ago, Tobbe said:

 

Awesome! You should be proud for taking the leap of faith, takes courage!

 

Also, any news on the tattoo?

 

Thursday is the day :)

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The last days I binged. And had panic attacks again. Feeling not very well at the moment.

 

(Does my whole back and forth piss you off like it pisses me off? )
As written in the book "Essanfälle adé" ("Goodbye bingeing)
">>If only I would exert myself more, [...] then....<< But "then" does never happen, because regular binging fits thwarted my plans. [...] Could it be that my greed knew no boundaries precisely because of this strict control?"

For me it is not yet totally extreme, not permanent and not complete with loss of control (am I still talking this over?) but well, the sooner, the easier it is to counteract. Probably.
So from now on no more rules? Can I do that (longer)? And then slowly again one habit/rule after the other?
Without "until then and then xy must happen", without date, without certain end. By feeling.

That must first work for myself. The feeling, I don't seem to have that anymore. And without that everything else is also well forgiven love effort. Or then I am again where I am now. A few months it's getting better and then there is a crash again.

And I will finally start it now: Write the diary. Each guidebook talked me into it. Gratitude Journal, Morning Routine etc pp. Something must be there. I also have a nice notebook as a diary.
And if I make any plans again: Hold me back :D


First of all, self-love. Getting myself together.
I took a vacation on Monday and Tuesday next week. We/Th seminar. Fr always free anyway. And this Thursday finally the tattoo.
And the sel-employment counts anyway only starting from 1.3. So I will wait and chill until then :D

 

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:wub: Hug

 

You're strong! You've got this. A little rest, like you've already planed. And then go at it again! 

 

Did you binge as a response to calorie restriction? Or have you been restricting certain foods?

Or did you binge as a way to numb your feelings? As a temporary mental escape?

 

Feel free to join us in the Intuitive Eating group if you need more support!

 

Be kind to yourself! You deserve love from yourself, and others!

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7 hours ago, Arkania said:

(Does my whole back and forth piss you off like it pisses me off? )

 

We don't have stakes in that game as you do so, no, it's way easier for us to see you as an amazing person moving forward than it is for you. Two steps forward then one step back is the only way I know toward any sort of progress. ;)

 

 

7 hours ago, Arkania said:

Without "until then and then xy must happen", without date, without certain end. By feeling.

 

This. The time to live is now. I find it incredibly hard, yet also incredibly rewarding, to live/regenerate/shape myself into a better person while fighting on. It's Shiryu crossing the bridge*: the hard part isn't the fighting, it is moving forward while we do. I find that having a plan, but using it as a general guideline rather than something set in stone helps but you have to go with what works for you.

 

*I'll add the relevant scene of Saint Seiya as soon as I find it (I'm watching it all back to back from the start so this could take some time :D).

 

7 hours ago, Arkania said:

First of all, self-love. Getting myself together.

 

Sounds like a plan (irony intended). :D

 

 

7 hours ago, Arkania said:

And if I make any plans again: Hold me back :D

 

As long as you post it here, we'll have your back. Go forth and be happy. :)

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Legally bound to hug people in need.

 

Living life as a Druid is about walking with the beasts. It's about being scared, looking your fears in the eyes and going on anyway. Dread doesn't go away, you just learn to know it. It's still a beast, it still has fangs, but you walk among it.

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13 hours ago, Arkania said:

(Does my whole back and forth piss you off like it pisses me off? )

Of course not, you're only human.

 

13 hours ago, Arkania said:

A few months it's getting better and then there is a crash again.

Success-Imagined-vs-Reality.jpg

One bad day or one binge is not going to undo months of progress. No point in beating yourself up over it. 

 

13 hours ago, Arkania said:

First of all, self-love

Good, you deserve it. :) 

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5 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Success-Imagined-vs-Reality.jpg

 

This is so much this that I have to quote it. I didn't know such a representation existed but this one is just perfect.

 

Legally bound to hug people in need.

 

Living life as a Druid is about walking with the beasts. It's about being scared, looking your fears in the eyes and going on anyway. Dread doesn't go away, you just learn to know it. It's still a beast, it still has fangs, but you walk among it.

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18 hours ago, Tobbe said:

:wub: Hug

 

You're strong! You've got this. A little rest, like you've already planed. And then go at it again! 

 

Did you binge as a response to calorie restriction? Or have you been restricting certain foods?

Or did you binge as a way to numb your feelings? As a temporary mental escape?

 

Feel free to join us in the Intuitive Eating group if you need more support!

 

Be kind to yourself! You deserve love from yourself, and others!

 

I never restricted certain foods, but it may be because of calorie restriction/diet thougts. And maybe because of something in a psychological book that may have triggered me (stuff about panic attacks) aaaaaaaaaaaand maybe the PMS stuff.

So, probably everything together :)

I may come back to the IE group, I am sort of lost at the moment because I am not sure if I really can stand my actual weight/shape. But I am already reading all the stuff you wrote in the last days. :)

 

 

And: Big thanks @all <3

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OMFG, I just got the invitation to the Ninja Warrior Casting. Could not have been worse.

23/3 and from tomorrow on I can't do sports (tattoo) for about 2 weeks. :rolleyes:

And I gained so much weight..... so: strict 4 weeks from now on!

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I asked them if there is maybe another date where a casting is and maybe I can switch.

 

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Aaaaand once again, tremendous things happen when it's precisely the worst time for it.

 

This is great news whether it's delayed or not, you've got what it takes to do great. :)

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Legally bound to hug people in need.

 

Living life as a Druid is about walking with the beasts. It's about being scared, looking your fears in the eyes and going on anyway. Dread doesn't go away, you just learn to know it. It's still a beast, it still has fangs, but you walk among it.

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I just wanted to do the casting and never wanted to participate at NW ;)
But I don't want to embarrass myself.

So hopefully I can train a little bit before the casting.

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7 minutes ago, Tobbe said:

 

Has to be some muscles you can train even right after the tattoo, no?

 

Sure ;)

But it's also about sweating.

But I will do some stabilization exercises and balancing etc, stuff like that. And grip training. 

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Are the tattoos done, or will you go in for more sessions?

 

Now, with tattoos its super important to not care what others think. The only thing that matters is that you love it! :) With that said, I must say the arm tattoo looks awesome! Love the colors, love the size. And the line work is amazing. You have found a really good tattoo artist! :)  For the ribs tattoo I think you should have gone bigger! But the great thing is that you can easily build on it in the future if you want to Thumbs Up

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I have a same size tattoo on the other side of the chest so I wanted them to look sort of even :)
 

And thank you, I love them both!

I have another appointment in 2 months, where she wants to add some details (white dots as stars) and all the tattoos I have (except the one on the shoulders) need to be touched up then.

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Oh, and if that is unclear:
The first one is an "Om" (eastern religions):

" OM is the most elemental of vibrations. It is the sound of the void. Frawley says: “Om is the prime mantra of the Higher self, or Atman. It attunes us with our true nature. It is the sound of the creator, preserver and destroyer of the universe, who is also the inner guru and prime teacher. It reflects both the manifest and un-manifest Brahman, sustaining the vibration of being, life, and consciousness in all worlds and all creatures.” "

https://www.gaia.com/article/what-meaning-om

 

"The presence of the absolute"

(Bhuddism)

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