Onward

[ReturnOfTheDad]

Weight: 220.4 lbs

Sleep: 8 hrs

Water: 3/4 Gallon

 

Meals:

10:30am - Egg whites, cheese, oatmeal, blackberries, almonds, oj, vitamins, coffee

1:30pm - Chicken sandwich, iced tea

3:30pm - Coffee

5:30pm - Tamales, rice, beans, chips

6:30pm - Cookies & coffee

 

Fitness:

Rest Day

 

Notes: Yesterday was day 2 of additional workouts. Holding off on another run today because a muscle in my foot was feeling funny on the second mile yesterday. That and just plain tired. A little frustrating to hit a snag, but if I can increase from 3 workouts to 4 workouts this week, I’ll take that as a win.

 

Did an impromptu date night with Mrs.ReturnOfTheDad last night. We’re committed to spending more time together so I think it’s a step in the right direction.

[Kishi]

A step in the right direction on a busted foot. Call that a win.

 

But in all seriousness, I do hope that you get to feeling better. Good on you for listening to your body. I hope you get good rest and engage in good deep tissue work down there as you can. Try not to get too worked up about it if the plan to train more goes awry.

[ReturnOfTheDad]

Weight: 219.8 lbs

Sleep: 8 hrs

Water: 3/4 Gallon

 

Meals:

12:00am - Cheese sticks, chips, candy

10:00am - Coffee

1:30pm - Egg white & cheese tacos, blackberries, oj, coffee

3:00pm - Greek yogurt & granola

6:00pm - Tacos, rice, beans, ice cream, coffee.

11:00pm - Protein shake, banana

 

Fitness:

4 Mile Run

 

Notes: Long day, on to tomorrow.

[ReturnOfTheDad]

Weight: 219.0 lbs

Sleep: 9 hrs

Water: 1 Gallon

 

Meals:

10:00am - Coffee

11:30am - Greek yogurt, honey, granola, coffee

1:30pm - Chicken, cheesy potatoes, peas

2:30pm - Coffee

4:00pm - Cheese, crackers, cherry tomatoes

6:00pm - Turkey meatloaf, broccoli, rice

8:00pm - Protein bar & coffee

11:00pm - Protein shake & banana

 

Fitness:

2 Mile run & core workout

 

Notes:

Been a couple of days of more relationship work, but it’s getting better. Talked to some friends that have gone through similar things as well as a couple that does counseling. I think having gone through recovery has helped in a way. It taught me to realize when I didn’t have the answer for something, to accept help from people who do, and that change is going to take time and work. 

 

On the fitness side, I’ve been working my way up in mileage over the last couple of weeks and did 5 miles last night. Felt good to hit that milestone. Another reminder for me that good things take time and consistent effort.

 

Been hitting coffee pretty hard to keep up with a general lack of sleep. Going to try and cut back to around 3 cups a day (been doing 4 cups and a monster last couple of days).

[ReturnOfTheDad]

Weight: 218.2 lbs

Sleep: 8 hrs

Water: 3/4 Gallon

 

Meals:

9:00am - Coffee

11:00am - Greek Yogurt, granola, berries, honey, coffee

2:00pm - Egg whites, cheese, tortillas, strawberries, oj 

4:00pm - Coffee

6:00pm - Turkey meatloaf, spinach, potatoes

8:30pm - protein bar & coffee

11:00pm - Protein shake & banana

 

Fitness:

9:30pm - 5 Mile Run

 

Notes:

Day 3 of consecutive workouts, had decent energy. Goal is to build endurance to do 3 weight days and 3 cardio days once my thumb is healed up. Currently tracking to begin that week after next but quite a few miles to go before then.

 

[Kishi]

Sounds ambitious! But totally doable. Kind of reminds me of some of Ross Enamait's programs that I used to do way back in the day. It'll be good stuff. Travel your miles and recover well.

[RubiksCat]

That is ambitious like Kishi said but I believe you can do it! Terrific job on running 5 miles early in the morning.

[ReturnOfTheDad]

14 hours ago, Rubik'sCat said:

That is ambitious like Kishi said but I believe you can do it! Terrific job on running 5 miles early in the morning.

 

Thanks, but truth be told these have all been PM workouts. As part of the marriage improvement Mrs.ReturnOfTheDad and I have been picking back up on Elder Scrolls Online for Xbox. Questing together is doing wonders for our relationship but the late nights have made early morning runs a no go. 10pm workouts seem to be happening consistently followed by gaming from 11-12pm so just going to roll with that for the time being. Will return to morning workouts some day...

 

So for today:

Weight: 218.4 lbs

Sleep: 8 hrs

Water: 2/4 Gallon

 

Meals:

10:00am - Coffee

12:00pm - Chicken Sandwich, iced tea, vitamins

3:00pm - Cheese stick, trail mix & coffee

6:00pm - Ham & cheese sub, chips, cookies

11:00pm - Protein shake & banana 

 

Fitness:

10:00pm - 2 Mile Run and core workout 

 

Notes: 

Skipped too many meals today and missed my pre workout protein bar and coffee. Workout 4 for the week done but not happy bout it....current mood:

 

On to tomorrow and potentially day 5 of consistent workouts...and more food...

[Kishi]

10 hours ago, ReturnOfTheDad said:

Thanks, but truth be told these have all been PM workouts. As part of the marriage improvement Mrs.ReturnOfTheDad and I have been picking back up on Elder Scrolls Online for Xbox. Questing together is doing wonders for our relationship but the late nights have made early morning runs a no go.

 

In general, during times like these, I like to quote the old USMC motto: "Improvise! Adapt! Overcome!" Truth is, you're making happen what you got to in order to both train and to help your marriage. It doesn't sound like it's ideal, but life rarely is, and your commitment to overcoming your obstacles is quite commendable.

 

10 hours ago, ReturnOfTheDad said:

On to tomorrow and potentially day 5 of consistent workouts...and more food...

 

Such a happy problem.

[ReturnOfTheDad]

Weight: 219.4 lbs

Sleep: 6 hrs

Water: 3/4 Gallon

 

Meals:

8:00am - Coffee

9:00am - Egg whites, cheese, cereal, strawberries.

12:00pm - Chicken, Salad, sweet potatoes, iced tea.

3:00pm - Coffee

5:30pm - Burger, chips, salad, fruit, cookie, lemonade.

8:00pm - Protein bar and tea

11:30pm - Protein shake & banana

 

Fitness:

10:00pm - 5 Mile run

 

Notes: 

Stayed up way too late gaming last night. Doing the Morrowind map in ESO with a lot of map travel and dungeon runs. It’s fun but getting by on 6 hours today was rough. Also a bit miffed the weight hasn’t change much but not sleeping or hydrating enough isn’t going to help things. Just have to stick to the basics and try to do better tonight.

 

Day 5 and last long run of the week down. It was definitely a fight around mile 3 but paced myself and worked through it. Protein bar and tea before helped IMMENSELY but the tea just wasn’t enough. Going to need some good old fashioned java to keep up these late night workouts. Off to bed to pass out and on to the 6th and final day of workouts this week.

[Jupiter]

8 hours ago, ReturnOfTheDad said:

Day 5 and last long run of the week down. It was definitely a fight around mile 3 but paced myself and worked through it. Protein bar and tea before helped IMMENSELY but the tea just wasn’t enough. Going to need some good old fashioned java to keep up these late night workouts. Off to bed to pass out and on to the 6th and final day of workouts this week.

 

Hey, your run might have been tough but you got through it. And 5 in a row! Nice job!

 

[Kishi]

Good work, man, way to stay consistent. And I know what it's like to get into a game and have to see things through. Remember that fatigue, though, and try to get down a little earlier.

[ReturnOfTheDad]

Weight: 219.2 lbs

Sleep: 8 hrs

Water: 2/4 Gallon

 

Meals:

10:30am - Yogurt, granola, fruit, coffee, vitamins

12:00pm - Chicken, Salas, green beans, potatoes

3:00pm - Cookies, Coffee, candies nuts, peanut butter

5:00pm - Tacos

8:00pm - Coffee & donut

10:30pm - Nachos & soda

 

Fitness:

Rest day

 

Notes: 

Success in getting to sleep on time last night but feeling absolutely wrecked today. Lasted a day longer than last week (4 days of exercise last week, 5 days this week) so a step in the right direction. Sprained thumb is doing better so taking the brace off, but still not lifting until next week to give it a full 4 weeks to heal. That means I have one more week to shoot for 6 consecutive workout days.

 

As for now going to get some much needed rest ... and nachos...

 

Thanks @Kishi, @Rubik'sCat, and @Jupiter for all the encouragement! 

[ReturnOfTheDad]

Weight: 219.4 lbs

Sleep: 7 hrs

Water: 3/4 Gallon

 

Meals:

10:00am - Cereal

12:00pm - Coffee

1:00pm - Tacos & soda

5:00pm - Chicken, peas, potatoes, cookies

8:00pm - Monster & peanut butter pretzels

9:30pm - milk & cookies

 

Fitness:

Rest day

 

Notes: Still wiped out from this week, but doing a little better. Going to work on getting more sleep tonight then back at it for the 4th and final week of my cardio build up. 7 DAYS UNTIL BACK TO LIFTING!!!

[ReturnOfTheDad]

Weight: Didn’t weigh in

Sleep: 6 hrs at night (couldn’t sleep), 3 hr afternoon nap

Water: 2/4 Gallon

 

Meals:

8:00am - Coffee

9:00am - Coffee & donuts

12:00pm - Brisket, Cole slaw, corn, beans, bread, iced tea, peach cobbler

4:30pm - Coffee

5:30pm - Pizza & soda

8:00pm - Protein bar & coffee

10:30pm - Scoop of PB & milk

 

Fitness:

2 Mile Run & Core workout

 

Notes: Day 2 of a depressive episode. Comes around about once a month, and they suck, but by staying busy and connected they’ve been getting down to 2-3 days instead of the 9-10 days before. Just didn’t have the energy to post anything yesterday. Today was better after getting some extra rest. This is usually my ‘numb’ day. It’s like living someone else’s life where the emotional pain peaks after day 1 and then day 2 the depression shuts off my connection to everything around me, like going into shock, and I just want to shut down by myself in a dark room. I actually tried that for a few hours today and it gave me a bit of a reset and a little more energy to do the rest of the day.

 

On days like this I really think about going back on medication, but I just can’t see going back into that fog, the weird weight gain, the constant disconnect by being too drugged out to enjoy a sunset or my kids laughing. It’s a very personal choice that was supported by my doctor, and the other 27 days of the month can be really good. I heard somewhere ‘character over comfort’ and it’s possible that going this uncomfortable route may change me for the better and possibly let me help or at least connect to others that may be struggling with the same thing.

 

Talking openly definitely takes some of the fear and power out of it, and very glad I have NF as a way to navigate and let go of a lot of this.

 

On the nutrition side I have been having WAY too much coffee. Going to try and scale back to 3 cups a day , but it’s goong to take a little time. That and getting through 6 consecutive workout days are my top goals of the week. Day one down, on to tomorrow.

[RubiksCat]

It sounds like you're going through a rough patch right now, but I'll still be here following and listening to help you out. You've also got a supportive family and a NF Army here too. It's best not to let the emotions bubble up and have them explode on someone that doesn't deserve it. Maybe the loss of your weight lifting regime + sleep troubles are the culprit this time but only you and your doctor really know. 

Great lunch too sounds like a real Southern meal. 

[Kishi]

Everybody's got to manage themselves in their own way. As long as you're connected in your decisions and everyone knows and clears what's going on, you're probably safe. If a two-day funk is the price for a full emotional range, well, maybe that's for the best, then.

 

And hey, if you ever need to talk, we're here.

 

15 hours ago, ReturnOfTheDad said:

12:00pm - Brisket, Cole slaw, corn, beans, bread, iced tea, peach cobbler

 

2 hours ago, Rubik'sCat said:

Great lunch too sounds like a real Southern meal.

 

#TrueFax

[ReturnOfTheDad]

Weight: 220.2 lbs

Sleep: 8 hrs

Water: 2/4 Gallon

 

Meals:

10:00am- Protein bar, vitamins, sf monster

1:00pm - Protein shake & banana

6:00pm - Chicken tenders, fries, soda

10:00pm - bbq sandwich, pizza, chips

 

Fitness:

5 Mile run

 

Notes: Doing better today, but still getting back into the swing of things. Definitely some anxiety about my work trip to Los Angeles this week, but that’s probably normal. Day 2/6 workout done.

[ReturnOfTheDad]

17 hours ago, Rubik'sCat said:

Maybe the loss of your weight lifting regime + sleep troubles are the culprit this time

 

That’s probably a big factor, which is part of the challenge. That’s more or less normal life stuff, and I know it’s not world ending, but I end up spiraling down for 48-72 hours and out of nowhere feel 100% better without any major change to the situation.  It is a good point to consider though.

 

14 hours ago, Kishi said:

If a two-day funk is the price for a full emotional range, well, maybe that's for the best, then.

 

Yeah, talked with Mrs.RerurnOfTheDad about it some more last night and the rest of the time it’s much preferable to the effects of the medication. Will be logging details of this latest episode and whwther I go back on meds or not, may be worth while to go back and chat with the doctor once the insurance kicks back in with the new job.

 

14 hours ago, Kishi said:

And hey, if you ever need to talk, we're here.

 

Much appreciated.

[ReturnOfTheDad]

Weight: 220.6 lbs

Sleep: 7 hrs

Water: 1 Gallon

 

Meals:

6am - Egg white breakfast sandwich, hashbrown, orange juice.

9am - Egg white feta spinach wrap, coffee

11am - Super food smoothie, cheese stick, nuts & dried fruit.

12pm - Chicken, veggies, rice, potatoes, iced tea.

5pm - Protein bar & coffee

7:30pm - Smartones meal: Salisbury steak & mac/cheese, blueberry yogurt

 

Fitness:

2 Mile Run & Core workout

 

Notes: Feeling much better today. Depressive episode passed around 9pm yesterday and feel so much lighter. Have hope and good vibes about the day. 

 

Did some further research on depression and decided to start working the problem instead of my feelings about the problem. As @Rubik'sCat pointed out, there has to be some reason that out of the blue I crashed like that and think I may have found the answer. Since my depression is of the genetic variety (meaning not stemming from trauma, loss, addiction, or seasonal), it means I may have been born with a smaller hippocampus, which causes me to produce less seratonin (happy chemical) and inordinately more cortisol (stress hormone). When my serotonin gets depleted I have a depressive episode and apparently it takes me 2-3 days to replenish my serotonin stores. In looking at what causes serotonin to deplete in the first place, several medical studies list the following:

-Alcohol (no longer an issue but that explains why I was SUPER depressed while drinking and why it’s known as a depressant)

-Lack of exercise (big ole check since busting my thumb and not being able to lift the last couple of weeks)

-Stress (first big work trip coming up and a big family event this last weekend, so yup)

-Caffeine (affirmative, especially last week where I had increased to 5-6 cups totaling around 1000mg per day)

-Aaaaaand Nicotine (we may have a winner! I had a cigar on Friday, day before the episode, and the average cigar has the same nicotine as a whole pack of cigarettes...which I may or may yes have smoked in 45 minutes....

 

So based on these findings if I can cut back (or off, ugh....single tear) my caffeine and nicotine intake, that should go a long way towards not unnecessarily depleting my already limited seratonin stores. Life does that enough with new job, baby, etc. These might have been the culprits that have been pushing things over the edge into full depletion. In addition, many of these articles mentioned there is a supplement called 5 HTP (fancy for a high grade tryptophan supplement, which is what the body processes into serotonin) with recent clinical trials showing that it can increase overall seratonin production, with limited side effects. 

 

Simple math dictates that if I can supplement to increase my overall serotonin production and decrease intake of things depleting those stores, along with a healthy life style and daily positive living actions that also increase serotonin, I may be able to decrease the frequency and duration of these depressive episodes.

 

Going to pick up and start some of those supplements later this week and start today on slowly cutting back on the caffeine (going to let the caffeine headaches/withdrawals dictate the pace on this one). Hopefully this is a step towards being free of something that has haunted me for a very long time.

 

Work trip in LA is going well, the Account Manager out here has been super welcoming and had some great client meetings today. Got to try Peruvian for the first time - AMAZING!!! Crazy how much variety of good food there is out here. The highways take some getting used to, but more than worth it for this glorious 65 degree sunny weather.

 

Workout done, healthy-ish dinner eaten, prepped for meetings tomorrow. Time to crash, onward.

[Sloth the Enduring]

If you’re looking for supplements, I had good luck with ZMA (zinc, magnesium, and Vit . Those are catalysts for serotonin and a couple of other things and a lot of people are deficient in at least one of those.

 

 

ETA, that smiley face should be a B

 

Also, disclosure, I’m not a doctor or a nutritionist, just an idiot on the internet.

[ReturnOfTheDad]

Weight: Traveling, no scale

Sleep: 9 hrs

Water: 3/4 Gallon

 

Meals:

8:30am - Egg white, cheese & turkey sausage breakfast sandwich, blueberry yogurt

12:00pm - Salmon, potato’s, Brussels sprouts w/ bacon, iced tea.

5:00pm - Cobb Salas w/ grilled chicken

6:00pm - Decaf coffee & cookie

 

Fitness:

Rest Day

 

Notes: Debated getting up earlier today but was just wiped out. Extra sleep helped a lot and was able to think through some scheduling challenges that had come up yesterday. Funny how that works!

 

The day was full of ups and downs in terms of appointments switching around but just tried to go with the flow and it all went amazing. 

 

Taking an unscheduled rest day, kiddos have been wearing on Mrs.ReturnOfTheDad so just going to try pick back up tomorrow. Progress not perfection.

1 hour ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

 

If you’re looking for supplements, I had good luck with ZMA (zinc, magnesium, and Vit . Those are catalysts for serotonin and a couple of other things and a lot of people are deficient in at least one of those.

 

 

I’ve heard of it but never tried it, may need to give it shot. Thanks!

[ReturnOfTheDad]

Weight: 217.0 lbs

Sleep: 9 hrs

Water: 2/4 Gallon

 

Meals:

1pm - Greek yogurt, honey, granola, berries, coffee, vitamins

3:30pm - Cheese stick & trail mix

5:30pm - Ground Turkey & pasta, green tea

11:30pm - ground turkey & pasta, chips

 

Fitness:

Rest Day (BACK TO WEIGHTS TOMORROW!!!)

 

Notes: Got in around 11pm last night and jumped right in watching baby. On the upside that’s probably the first consecutive hours of sleep Mrs.ReturnOfTheDad has had this week (she had been sounding rough) so glad to have helped out with that, but around 9am I had only banked 6 hours, so opted to take a half day and catch up on sleep. Considering I pulled two 14 hour travel days this week, figured I was due a little R&R.

 

What I call the ‘re-entry’ phase has begun, the 1-2 days where wife and kids get used to me being around again after traveling for work. It’s always an adjustment but found it’s avoided a LOT of issues by easing back in rather than just trying to jump back in to co-parenting and generally disrupting Mrs.ReturnOfTheDads solo parenting style she’s had to develop for when I’m gone for a while with work.

 

Started the 5 HTP supplement today with breakfast, curious to see if this helps. Per package directions I’m starting with 100mg once a day and will increase if needed after two weeks. Some of the articles I read recommended a dosage of 50-100mg 3 times a day with meals to ensure consistent serotonin production throughout the day, so that might be the direction I go. Just going to take it slow, log how things are going, try to approach this as scientifically as possible.

 

Did start feeling a bit sluggish around 3pm (2hrs after taking the 5htp). Since the active ingredient is the stuff from turkey that makes you sleepy, feeling sluggish is a sign of taking too much. Would have preferred to start out with 50mg, but that’s what was available. Just know that I will probably stick with 100mg and probably take along with morning coffee to try and balance it out until I get adjusted. I am feeling much more content, like that feeling after a big meal, curious to see the effect later in the day as the sleepyness passes.

 

Doing more research and looks like Green tea, Ginko and Ginseng may be beneficial as tests on 5HTP show it gets much more effective with other supplements that increase dopamine, which all 3 increase naturally.

 

*Sigh* down the rabbit hole of science, supplements and nutrition. Hopefully will be an illuminating week.

[ReturnOfTheDad]

Weight: Forgot to weigh in

Sleep: 6 hrs

Water: 1 Gallon

 

Meals:

8:30am - Greek yogurt, honey, granola, berries, green tea, vitamins 

11am - Egg white, cheese, & ham blast sandwich, hash browns, on, green tea, supplements

2pm - Chicken nuggets, fries, apples, green tea.

5:30pm - Chicken, pasta, veggies, green tea & supplements 

9pm - Protein shake, pb & banana sandwich 

11pm - Milk & supplements

 

Fitness:

Weights - Chest, Triceps, Lower Back

Cardio - 30 min on treadmill

 

Notes: Took my supplements WAY too late last night and didn’t fall asleep until around 1:30am. Curious to see how today goes. The lack of caffeine is rough but the green tea throughout the day is helping (recommendation online for mood improvement is 4 times per day). 

 

SO GOOD TO BE BACK TO LIFTING!!!

 

Was also able to tack on some cardio afterward without being too burned out. As much as I disliked taking a break from lifting, my endurance is MUCH improved with the 1 month focus on cardio. Thankfully my lifts didn’t drop too much so I more or less am picking up where I left off.

 

Well earned rest day tomorrow and hopefully solid nights sleep tonight.

[ReturnOfTheDad]

Weight: 218.0 lbs

Sleep: 8 hrs

Water: 2/4 Gallon

 

Meals:

9am - Egg white and veggie omelette, potato’s, Macha Latte, vitamins, supplements 

12pm - Greek yogurt, honey, granola, strawberries, green tea

3pm - Egg whites, spinach, cheese, tortillas, oj, green tea, supplements

5:30pm - Chicken quesadillas, spinach salad, green tea

9pm - milk & supplements 

 

Fitness:

Rest Day

 

Notes: Day 3 of caffeine detox down and headaches are thankfully waning. So far the mood supplements are making a noticeable difference. Not over the moon or anything but getting similar effects to when I was taking anti-depressants without the zombification. Curious to see if I have another depressive episode this month, but for the time being feeling pretty good and in a generally good/even mood.

 

Getting used to eating the needed amount again after getting back to lifting. So many egg whites...

 

In Monk news, the JiuJitsu program For people recovering from substance abuse has been slowly taking shape and we have our first training session schedule for the 22nd. Excited to see how this goes, since it’s been limbo for a few months now. It will be good to start easing back into Monk life, just going to try to remember to pace myself and not get too tied up with the outcome. A part of me is really hoping things will fall into place to get back to JiuJitsu & Boxing. We shall see.