Onward

[Sloth the Enduring]

Congratulations! Three years is a big deal.

[Kishi]

Hell yeah, man, that's awesome. Congratulations!

[ladyofthebog]

YAY!! THREE YEARS! I'm happy for you!

[ReturnOfTheDad]

Weight: 219.4 lbs

Sleep: 10 Hrs 

Water: 5/8 Gallon

Macros: 100 Protein, 100 Carbs, 50 Fats

Calories: 1500 Calories

 

Meals:

9:00am - Egg whites, pancakes, vitamins, 2 coffees

12:00pm - Protein Bar & coffee

1:30pm - Hot dog, pizza, sweet tea

3:30pm - Iced latte

5:30pm - Protein Shake

10:00pm - Scoop of PB

 

Fitness:

Rest

 

Notes: Gave another round of OCD meds a good solid try but was just too sleepy on them. Going to go the therapy and CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) route, which requires a lot more journaling, meditation, and exercises. Not sure how I feel about it yet, but time will tell.

 

Busy day today with church, errands and lots of socializing. Getting out and around people sometimes feels like the last thing I want to do, but it does help me even out and even energized me a bit. More than anything else it gets me out of my head, which is helpful.

[Kishi]

Yup. Sometimes getting out with people is a thing you gotta push yourself to do for your health. I've found myself in that same place from time to time. It's a fine line, to be sure, and needs to be taken on a case-by-case basis, but even so, good for you.

[Jupiter]

Congrats on 3 years! That's great!  

[ReturnOfTheDad]

Weight: 218.0 lbs

Sleep: 9 Hrs 

Water: 3/4 Gallon

Macros: 95 Protein, 110 Carbs, 40 Fats

Calories: 1500 Calories

 

Meals:

8:00am - Egg whites, pancakes, vitamins, coffee

9:30am - Protein Shake, banana, coffee

12:30pm - Greek yogurt, honey, peaches, coffee

3:00pm - chicken, potato’s, peas, tea

6:00pm - Pizza

10:00pm - Crackers & cheese

 

Fitness:

BJJ

 

Notes: Really focusing on weight loss over performance to get back on the competition Jujitsu team. Switching back to one workout a day instead of two and watching my calorie intake. So far so good, averaging about 1/2 a pound per day.

[ReturnOfTheDad]

Weight: 220.0 lbs

Sleep: 8 Hrs 

Water: 1 Gallon

Macros: 90 Protein, 90 Carbs, 50 Fats

Calories: 1500 Calories

 

Meals:

9:00am - egg whites, cheese, oatmeal, craisins, almonds, 2 coffees, vitamins

12:30pm - Brisket taco & coffee

3:00pm - Greek yogurt, honey, peaches

4:00pm - Scoop of pb & milk

6:30pm - Gumbo

10:30pm - Scoop of pb & milk

 

Fitness:

1 Hour Jujitsu

30 min S&C

 

Notes: The med dance continues, thought I had a good feel for the medication I was on but it was making me groggy to the point of interfering with work. Taking it back a notch again and getting all the accompanying irritability and weird thoughts. I know it will pass and that I need to be on this medication, just ready for it to be dialed in and get into a routine.

 

Did a “vacation” last week if you can call it that. Paired a work trip to San Antonio with a weekend trip with the family to the Riverwalk. Definitely a different thing trying to do a vacation with a 1 year old and a 4 year old, but we did have some fun and learned a lot about how to do future vacations, namely just not trying to do as much stuff and making sure we have more to do within short walking distance.

 

Overall a good day though, nice to be home and getting back into the routine.

[ReturnOfTheDad]

2019: Year of the Wandering Monk

Weight: 219.2 lbs

Sleep: 11 Hrs 

Water: 6/8 Gallon

Macros: 100 Protein, 100 Carbs, 50 Fats

Calories: 1000 Calories

 

Meals:

10:30am - Protein Shake, PB Toast, blue berrries, vitamins, 2 coffees

1:00pm - Banana & almonds

2:00pm - Chicken sandwich, grapes, green tea

5:30pm - Chicken, pasta, veggies, cake

7:30pm - Coffee

10:30pm - Protein Shake

 

Fitness:

Cardio - 3 Mile Run

S&C - 1 Set

 

Notes: Been on a medication that made me a zombie for the last couple of weeks and really got away from logging, fitness and diet. A bit tired of the medication rounds and going just the cognitive behavioral therapy route for a bit just to regain my bearings. It is frustrating that the doctors don’t know what causes bi-polar and aside from guessing at medications, don’t really have proven way to treat it that has worked for me so far.

 

Onward to other things. The job situation has become a bit volatile, to the point where I’m putting out resumes. The company isn’t providing sales the marketing support we need to generate leads, the training to improve on the areas we are lacking or the time to make any changes, so effectively we are being asked to pull several million dollars out of thin air, which is unfortunately not how sales works.

 

I have a promising interview on Friday for a great job, trying not to get too worked up about it, but very much looking forward to it.

 

Feels nice to have gotten a couple of workouts in today and mostly back on track fitness & nutrition wise, though I could have had some more water today.

 

Hopefully can build some more momentum and continue into tomorrow.

[Jupiter]

Hey there, glad to see you back.

 

I'm sorry the job situation has gotten worse, sounds like now is a good time to bow out. Good luck at the interview!  

[Urgan]

You're your own best advocate in the medical and professional realms. It's a win that you know what isn't working and you have some ideas on how to improve things. 

[ReturnOfTheDad]

Weight: 218.4 lbs

Sleep: 9 Hrs 

Water: 7/8 Gallon

Macros: 130 Protein, 130 Carbs, 65 Fats

Calories: 1400 Calories

 

Meals:

9:30am - egg whites, cheese, tomatoes, tortillas, vitamins, 2 coffees

12:30am - egg whites, cheese, tomatoes, tortillas, green tea

3:00pm - Chicken sandwich, grapes, coffee

6:30pm - Tacos and burger

 

Fitness:

Training - 1 Hour Jujitsu

Conditioning - 30 min sprints

 

Notes: Pretty tired from the two workouts yesterday but glad to be back on a more healthy schedule than I had been previously. Just have to dig deep for some get-up-and-go today, which will probably be in the form of coffee.

 

Training happened, didn’t feel at 100% but still managed some decent reversals while rolling. Keep forgetting the basics like going up on my side while I’m half guard. Guess all those details come with time.

[X-23]

Hi! Been creeping through your log... Congrats on 3 years sobriety!!! That is Huge!!

 

Also, I've ridden the med rollercoaster for my mental illnesses too, and really feel for you, but the fact that you are still advocating and pushing through is so inspiring. 

For the longest time, I was on medication for anxiety when it was actually ADHD *shrugs* I hope things start to look up in that area and you find something that works well for you!

 

I noticed that meditation was recommended to you... I was recommended this a lot too, but could never sit still, clear my head, etc I started doing more movement-based mindfulness activities (ie. slime, playdough, making sugar cookies from scratch, doing some light stretching, doing a 'rainforest' sound with my hands, etc) and this really helped. Eventually,  I started doing trauma-informed yoga and yoga Nidra. (But that was after learning more movement-based mindfulness) Bringing awareness to my 5 senses helped me more than the guided meditations or to sit and let my mind go blank. During yoga, I often picture myself moving while my body is still. I thought I'd share this with you maybe one of those might work for you. 

 

Enjoying seeing your updates and progress!

[ReturnOfTheDad]

On 9/24/2019 at 4:11 PM, X-23 said:

Hi! Been creeping through your log... Congrats on 3 years sobriety!!! That is Huge!! 

 

Thanks @X-23! Sorry for the delay in response. Been going through getting off meds and been a bit of a roller coaster. Getting into a better place now and appreciate he support. 

 

Thanks also for the recommendation on Yoga! I know I need something with a little more physicality to it and may have to give that a try.

[ReturnOfTheDad]

Weight: 219.0 lbs

Sleep: 8 Hrs 

Water: 6/8 Gallon

Macros: 60 Protein, 85 Carbs, 55 Fats

Calories: 950 Calories

 

Meals:

8:00am - Egg whites, cheese, oatmeal, coffee, vitamins

11:00am - Chicken tenders, broccoli, mashed potatoes

3:30pm - Turkey sandwich

6:30pm - Chicken & dumplings

 

Fitness:

Rest Day

 

Notes: A lot has happened since my last update, namely getting laid off from work. It’s probably for the best as the company I was with really lacked direction and I wasn’t enjoying the job. Ended up getting another job right away thankfully from that interview I posted about and have a few weeks off before it starts.

 

Unfortunately the change in schedule is limiting my training opportunities, possibly for a while. Getting back on a weight lifting routine in the mean time to stay busy and continue working towards goals.

 

Also dialing in my care for bipolar. A lot of studies show there is a link to sleep and sleep schedule regulation. Thinking it might be wise to prioritize that and do exercise as a secondary priority since little to no exercise happens when I have an episode anyway.

 

Also going to work on being more consistent posting and being active here. This is a great community and helped me out so much. Have to remember sometimes to put first things first.

[ReturnOfTheDad]

Weight: 217.6 lbs

Sleep: 9 Hrs 

Water: 6/8 Gallon

Macros: 100 Protein, 90 Carbs, 45 Fats

Calories: 1100 Calories

 

Meals:

11:00am - Coffee

12:30pm - Steak, veggies, potatoes, iced tea

5:30pm - Chicken, potato, veggies

10:00pm - Protein Shake

 

Fitness:

Lifting - Chest/Lower Back

 

Notes: Slowly dialing in the meals and workouts, curious to see what kind of weight loss and strength increases I get with this new regimen. Basically going to be lifting 6 days a week, but alternating muscle groups, and really trimming my diet to try and get lean while I do it. Time will tell...

[ReturnOfTheDad]

Weight: 220.0 lbs

Sleep: 10 Hrs 

Water: 5/8 Gallon

Macros: 60 Protein, 120 Carbs, 50 Fats

Calories: 1300 Calories

 

Meals:

9:00am - Oatmeal, strawberries, coffee, vitamins

11:00am - Chicken & spinach tacos

1:00pm - small pretzel & Redbull

3:30pm - pb sandwich & tea

5:30pm - Chicken quesadillas 

 

Fitness:

Nothing

 

Notes: Definitely been going through a rough time but finally on the other side of it more or less, looks like we are going to have to move in 2 months instead of next year. Not real thrilled on where we have to move to but the schools are good and can see it as a good place to raise kids. Lot of adjustments going on right now with the new job, moving, switching up the training schedule, etc. More or less in survival mode as we deal with kids, new job, and filling out applications for the move.

 

Diet, sleep, exercise and downtime have all gone out the window. Very much a time of character building right now.

 

Finally signed the lease on the new place yesterday so that takes a lot of pressure off. Hopefully will be able to get to some semblance of balance the rest of this week before I start the new job on Monday.

[Jupiter]

On 10/23/2019 at 9:56 AM, ReturnOfTheDad said:

More or less in survival mode as we deal with kids, new job, and filling out applications for the move.

 

Yikes, that's a lot. Hopefully things settle down quickly so you and the fam can get back to a normal routine soon. 

 

[ReturnOfTheDad]

11 hours ago, Jupiter said:

Yikes, that's a lot. Hopefully things settle down quickly so you and the fam can get back to a normal routine soon. 

 

Thanks, really appreciate the encouragement. I’m sure things will look very different on the other side of all this.

[ReturnOfTheDad]

Weight: 220.0 lbs

Sleep: 7 Hrs 

Water: 1 Gallon

Macros: 90 Protein, 120 Carbs, 60 Fats

Calories: 1250 Calories

 

Meals:

8:30am - Egg whites, cheese, Toast, tomato slices, vitamins, coffee

12:30am - Quesadillas

6:00pm - Turkey meatloaf, veggies, potatoes.

 

Fitness:

Rest Day

 

Notes:

Finally made it to the gym yesterday. Good day of legs and definitely feeling it today. 

 

Things are slowly getting back on track. Got some errands accomplished yesterday as well. Dealing with some minor health problems that are more annoying than anything else. Been dealing with it for about a month, finally doing something about it and doing some home treatments, but if it doesn’t get better going to the doctor next week.

 

New job starts tomorrow which is equal parts excitement and anxiety. It’s been 4 years since I had a desk job where I had to go into an office and be around people. I’m a creature of habit so I think this is going to be a really healthy thing, just so much unknown right now about what things are going to be like. Guess we’ll see.

 

Due to the commute to the new job and commitment to doing family dinner every night since the kids are getting older, have to pare down on my training from lifting, conditioning and MMA to just one thing. It’s killing me to choose, but think I’ve decided to just do lifting. It addresses my back issues, doesn’t aggravate

my joint issues as much as more repetitive conditioning workouts, allows me the functional strength I need to haul around kids and stuff for the house, and the aesthetics of seeing my physique change are encouraging. Also,the lowest in gym time investment of the options, which means I’ll have a bigger focus on diet, sleep, and rest, but for a busy home life this seems to fit best right now. Figure the cardio will come in chasing kiddos or going for the occasional run. The MMA part of things is just too expensive and time consuming right now. 

 

Breaks my heart to give up martial arts training for now but I suppose that’s adulting. Family, job, health, and ongoing recovery take precedent. Hopefully as things even out over the next year or two I may find some pockets of time to pick it up again, but since there aren’t many places to train where I’m moving, my expectations are pretty low. Trying to accept this new phase of life for what it is, a part of life where work and family are going to be put ahead of personal interests.

 

On the upside, the forced focus may end up yielding more results. I’m a few years away from 40 and always wanted to be more muscular before I hit that milestone. 

 

Just trying to take deep breaths and avoid the suffocating feeling of making responsible decisions. I’m sure it’s just uncomfortable right now because I haven’t done it as much until the last couple of years in getting sober and especially with a second little one being added to the mix. I know a lot of the responsible changes I’ve made have felt really rough at first and eventually become the new norm. Just at a stage right now where the kids need an incredible amount of attention and struggling to stay anchored to a vision for myself in the middle of all the changes and what’s needed from me by spouse, kids, job, family, and recovery community.

 

It’s going to take some time to realize that vision, but right now I’m leaning toward putting that energy into getting physically fit, since it’s about the only thing I have any control over at this point. As much as I’d like to pick something up like guitar or golf, I really only have the time and energy for one thing and that seems as good as any. It’s a defeating time where I feel like any goal I’ve made for myself has fallen through and all I’m left with is helping others achieve their goals. It’s not a bad life, it’s just not the one I wanted for myself. It feels like it happened when I was stuck in a bottle and now I’m stuck in the life of a person that gave up on themselves a long time ago and drank their life away, which is more or less what happened. That may be a dark take on what this feels like, but it’s honest, and I have no idea what to do from here except put one foot in front of the other and see what happens day to day.

 

I keep thinking that 3 years of sobriety is a long time but I checked out for 12 solid years of drinking where I avoided any kind of responsibility or real decision making. I know it’s going to take more than a few years to figure out who I am and what kind of life I want. Just have to take it a day at a time until then.

[ReturnOfTheDad]

Weight: 217.8 lbs

Sleep: 8 Hrs 

Water: 4/8 Gallon

Macros: 85 Protein, 120 Carbs, 50 Fats

Calories: 1300 Calories

 

Meals:

10:30am - breakfast bar, coffee

12:00pm - turkey meatloaf, spinach, mashed potatoes, vitamins, coffee

4:00pm - Greek yogurt, coffee

6:00pm - Chicken pasta, veggies

 

Fitness:

Rest Day

 

Notes: New job adjustment continued. Was sick for the last week, finally feeling better. Hopefully back to the gym tomorrow.

[Jupiter]

On 10/27/2019 at 8:37 PM, ReturnOfTheDad said:

Breaks my heart to give up martial arts training for now but I suppose that’s adulting.

 

Maybe there's a way you can still add it? You may not be able to commit as much time to it as you would like, but if it's something you really love, then you may just have to get a little creative with it. Are there things you can do a few minutes at a time on your own? Or maybe now that your kids are getting a little older that's something you can get into together and teach them at home if there's no gym available?

[Jupiter]

Hey, just thought I'd check on you and see how you are doing? Hope everything is going well.

[Kishi]

Just dropping by to say hey, and that I reckon you had to make the best possible choice for yourself and that we totally support it.

 

If you're looking for good programs or else are looking for troubleshooting and such, we can totally help with that! Just let us know what's going on and we'll get you squared.

[ReturnOfTheDad]

Thanks @Jupiter and @Kishi for checking on me, not going to lie it’s been a rough move, but things are thankfully winding down and should be acclimating to a new normal soon. Will keep you posted, thanks again for all the support, it really does mean a lot.