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alices

A swing and a miss

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This last challenge was a total fail. I'm going to scale it back this time around.

 

I just want to:

do at least SOME meditation every day

walk the dogs even just around the block

hold myself to one item with sugar in it a day

 

It's best if we don't discuss what the current situation is like. 

 

I did mediation with my ex last week, and instead of making a deal, he insisted that I be evaluated for parental alienation. If I refused they were going to ask the judge to order one and she apparently always grants requests for evaluations and tests. This way I can make him pay for it and we got to choose our evaluator, but it's still terrifying to me because even though I'm not doing anything at all, parental alienation is not actually a thing. There's no test. There's no diagnostic criteria. Some sites say you can be guilty of alienation even if you're just unconsciously not supporting the other parent, which I most definitely am not. 

 

It's just terrifying. If she comes back that I'm not alienating the kids, it's golden. If she comes back that I AM alienating the kids, I'm going to lose both the little one and the big one who tried to kill herself to get away from her dad, and what will happen to her then? 

 

And what am I supposed to say that doesn't sound like I'm trashing him to the kids? He beat me, he controlled me, he's a diagnosed narcissist. The big one has had nightmares about him her entire life and as I said, finally attempted suicide to get away from him. He screamed at the little one when she said she wanted to live here and gave her a panic attack. His wife has introduced herself to teachers as their mom their entire lives, and punishes them if they don't call her mom. They won't tell me anything, not what happens at doctor's appointments, no school information, nothing. They've fought hard against letting the little one have her inhaler and sent her to me last week with a severely infected finger they hadn't treated or gotten looked at by a doctor. That's not new--they're terrible about getting the kids medical care in a timely manner. 

 

So how do I describe my situation without sounding like I'm not supporting him? I'm not supporting him, he's terrible. But that's not why the kids don't want to live there. They don't want to live there because he's terrible to them, too. It's a mess. I'm just terrified about it. And I'm trying to spring clean my house before the evaluator gets here, but I'm not sleeping at all. I was up until after 3am last night. And I'm just eating everything. 

 

 

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I wish you all the best. I have no experience with such things (and ex-es) but I'm crossing fingers that you get your poor children out there.
I don' know where you from but here in Germany it is possible to get help from different (government) offices for such problems.

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bPQNyWN.jpg

 

My dangerously under-qualified advice would be to make sure you have records of everything. The doctors evaluation from bringing the little one to the doctor, things like that. Documentation can save lives. Things that show that you are going to be doing what is best for your kids, even if your ex is not. 

You describe your situation as someone who is trying her damnedest to make sure her kids have what they need to lead healthy and productive lives.

 

Take a deep breath. Exhale slowly and calm your mind. You're stronger than this and you will get through it. 

And in the mean time:

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This is hard stuff indeed.
The key in s never to talk about what happened between the two of you.
It's about now, it's about supporting the children's needs and interests. Stick to that, and say that you are happy to have the ex's input at therapy and appointments that are supportive of the children, that isolation for the children is bad from r the children.
It's a freaking tightrope, I know.

Set you goals to meditation daily and not killing anyone.

Much support as you go through this.
Love and peace,
Heidi

Sent from my Pixel 2 XL using Tapatalk

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