RisenPhoenix Drives Forward

[RisenPhoenix]

So shockingly, I got up relatively easily this morning.  This is impressive, as my alarm was set for 4:45am, I was up for like 45 minutes at 1am, and my motivation for workouts is still low because of the accident.  But I managed to hit snooze, sit there for a moment, and then got out of bed long before the alarm went off again.  It likely does help that I went to bed at 9:30 last night.

 

Crossed a few more Insurance things off the list yesterday.  Got the new car on my policy and removed the totaled car.  Canceled my registration with the RMV.  Got paperwork for the chiropractor to bill Insurance.  The settlement check got disbursed, so I officially have the funds to *buy* the car, and told the car guys that.  I'm going to see if I can make it to a bank today after work to get the check needed to pay for the car.  If not, I have tomorrow.

 

Tonight is Chiropractor Appointment #2.  Should be interesting.  I'm going to ask for exercise ideas so I don't go insane.  Yoga and Stairs are on the same day, so I need some other things if I'm going to be off the mat for another couple weeks.  Though the doc did say that give it two more weeks and I should be able to lightly start training again with little issue.  So that's a plus.

 

Also I'm even less pleased with my body comp since I started the challenge.  Lots of just shit, mindless eating.  So I'm going to start logging the shit, mindless eating.  Nothing else, because when push comes to shove I get good food.  It's the combating junk at work that's not working too well given my current mental processes.  Logging at least makes that stuff more mindful.  Also hopefully that'll make me stop.  Or at least better estimate and plan the rest of my meals.

[Urgan]

That's a lot of tedious adulting you have gotten out of the way. It's hard to do the hard things and resist the easily available food at the same time. Not that it shouldn't be the goal, just that it's understandable. With your body on the mend, a cut isn't exactly the best part of valor ATM anyway. Hopefully logging brings your fooding more in line with what you want to see.

[WhiteBeltBrowncoat]

If you have Kindle Unlimited The Unbelieveable Mr. Brownstone is free and pretty similar to Dresden. Not as rich or in depth, but a fun cotton candy kind of read.

[RisenPhoenix]

Yesterday's poor eating: A meager slice of leftover pizza in the work kitchen, and a late night PB&J wrap I made because it was exactly what I needed in my life.  It reminds me that I love making PB&J oatmeal, too.  Literal food for thought.

 

Adulting things yesterday included getting the check for my car purchase on Saturday, and my second chiro appointment.  Check was easier to get than expected (I was imagining a lot more paperwork involved), and the chiro doc reaffirmed the good life choice when she used what was essentially a metal rolling pin to massage my borked left side.  Then proceeded to crack my neck and back.  Wasn't quite as solid feeling as the first time, so we shall see how it goes the next 48 hours.  I do have another appointment scheduled Friday night, so that'll be good.  I guess.

 

Waking up today wasn't terrible, considering I decided to wake up at 5:45am.  The goal, originally, was to get to work for 7 or 7:30.  Instead, I read longer than expected (Thanks, Butcher), got showered late, and got stuck in stupid traffic because people are dumb.  So I really got to work at 7:45.  Grrr.  I have a chunk of meetings today, so I wanted to get as much done as possible so I can leave a smidge early to get a desperately needed haircut.

 

Food today is being provided at work - it's Greek.  My goal is to just take the protein.  Maybe a tiny bit of rice.  I've determined I don't actually like falafel, so I'm giving up trying that deep fried bit. Also brought lunch in case nothing strikes my fancy.  Lunch that I brought is pretty much taco chicken salad, and not really a good one.  I pretty much was grasping at straws for things that are lunch-capable, and I lack veggies to make a decent taco chicken salad filling.  Had I some more peppers and red onions, I would have added them in.  As it is, the salad is literally shredded chicken and taco seasoning for flavor.  Look, food shopping hasn't been a high priority for me since the accident.

 

I'm hoping things are slowing down for me right now, both with work and the car saga.  New car is picked up Saturday.  I'm working either all day Sunday or 4 hours Saturday and Sunday, but physical lab work is actually looking like it might become reasonable again.  I've got one solid thing down and about to send out for a Big Answer to the thing that rocked the company/field in July.  It won't solve The Answer, but it is going to provide a solid enough answer to hang good hypotheses on.  That'll help with answers of safety as we try moving some products into clinical trials.  At least that's the hope.

 

So, work should become hopefully less insane.  We have another collaboration that might start handing us data, but I doubt it, given how terrible the collaboration has been.  That has another few issues I haven't confirmed/told my boss about yet, but I think at this point any data is fine and we don't care about trying anything else moving forward.  So I'm not as concerned about it.  Maybe my boss will feel differently, but I also doubt that.

[Kishi]

19 minutes ago, RisenPhoenix said:

Yesterday's poor eating: A meager slice of leftover pizza in the work kitchen, and a late night PB&J wrap I made because it was exactly what I needed in my life.

 

PB&J wrap? What sorcery is this?

[RisenPhoenix]

45 minutes ago, Kishi said:

PB&J wrap? What sorcery is this?

 

It's not.  It literally was a sandwich wrap/tortilla that I smothered with jelly and peanut butter.  Because it was the only bread I had in my possession.

 

Seriously, I am not a gourmet chef like people think I am.

[Kishi]

10 minutes ago, RisenPhoenix said:

 

It's not.  It literally was a sandwich wrap/tortilla that I smothered with jelly and peanut butter.  Because it was the only bread I had in my possession.

 

Seriously, I am not a gourmet chef like people think I am.

 

Yeah, but that sounds so amazing, tho.

[RisenPhoenix]

19 minutes ago, Kishi said:

 

Yeah, but that sounds so amazing, tho.

 

That's because PB&J is always amazing.  Even when made with low quality ingredients.

 

It's amazing that it is still one of my comfort foods, considering it was essentially my lunch from Kindergarten till 12th grade.

[Kishi]

8 minutes ago, RisenPhoenix said:

 

That's because PB&J is always amazing.  Even when made with low quality ingredients.

 

It's amazing that it is still one of my comfort foods, considering it was essentially my lunch from Kindergarten till 12th grade.

 

Nah, man. It's a perfect blend of flavors and textures. There's a reason it's classic. When I had the facilities to, I used to make PB&J with waffles. Because it was awesome.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

1 hour ago, RisenPhoenix said:

 

That's because PB&J is always amazing.  Even when made with low quality ingredients.

 

It's amazing that it is still one of my comfort foods, considering it was essentially my lunch from Kindergarten till 12th grade.

PB and Nutella man. Get on my level  

[RisenPhoenix]

So this day has been pretty terrible.  

 

Science was hopeful, then smacked me to the ground with weirdness. I found some work around, only to get data back that shows the collaboration experiment I did back in May is screwed - a several thousand dollar issue. We aren’t thrilled with the collaboration anyway, but it does make an already crappy day even worse. 

 

Then I got to my regular barbershop, only to find out my regular barber no longer works here after some disagreement with the owner.

 

Grrrr. 

 

I cannot wait to go to sleep tonight. 

[sarakingdom]

11 hours ago, RisenPhoenix said:

 

It's not.  It literally was a sandwich wrap/tortilla that I smothered with jelly and peanut butter.  Because it was the only bread I had in my possession.

 

Seriously, I am not a gourmet chef like people think I am.

 

Totally sounds like a hipster theme restaurant to me.

[Urgan]

21 hours ago, RisenPhoenix said:

 

That's because PB&J is always amazing.  Even when made with low quality ingredients.

 

It's amazing that it is still one of my comfort foods, considering it was essentially my lunch from Kindergarten till 12th grade.

 

10 hours ago, sarakingdom said:

 

Totally sounds like a hipster theme restaurant to me.

 

Deconstuction of a classic, reconstructed with a twist. Or a roll might be more technically correct in this case....

 

 

In other news, sorry yesterday was crap and hope the sleep both happened and helped.

[RisenPhoenix]

11 hours ago, sarakingdom said:

Totally sounds like a hipster theme restaurant to me.

1 hour ago, Urgan said:

Deconstuction of a classic, reconstructed with a twist. Or a roll might be more technically correct in this case....

 

I'm torn if a hipster themed PB&J would involve super high, artisanally prepared ingredients, or if it would be just Welshes, Jif, and Sunbeam white bread for the sake of irony.

 

1 hour ago, Urgan said:

In other news, sorry yesterday was crap and hope the sleep both happened and helped.

 

Well, so far everything is still crap, and my morning started with blaring warning sirens in most corners of my life.  The weather also sucks, so driving nearly 2 hours late at night to get to my parents' house so they can drive me an hour and a half north in the morning to pick up the car at 9am is also not a thing I'm thrilled to be dealing with right now.  I also expect another bomb to drop on me in about 15-20 minutes based on a few messages I got this morning from people.

 

 

Yesterday's bad food: 2 snickers fun size, and a pint of candy bar Halo Top ice cream.  About 500 calories of junk, and my fucks are not there to give about it.  Though honestly I didn't eat much yesterday because of lab stuffs.  Didn't have a lot of veggies yesterday though, so trying to remedy that today.

 

Haircut, while not my usual guy, came out well.  I look snazzy.  Or at least as snazzy as I can get.  Lunch today is lots of veggies, the taco chicken salad, and more veggies.  I did eat a nutrigrain bar for breakfast with my eggs, though.  Still not terrible.  Dinner will be whatever I feel like when I get home post chiropractor appointment.

 

I'd say I just need to survive today to get to the weekend, but I work most, if not all, weekend after I pick up the car.  So that doesn't particularly help my cause.  Really thinking I might hit a mental health day mid-week in October.

[RisenPhoenix]

Okay, today still sucks.

 

But a silver lining is that the driver who hit me admitted 100% fault for the accident.  Which means my $500 deposit just got waived, and a refund for it was sent to me.

 

So huzzah.  Money.

[RisenPhoenix]

I'm trying to not let myself eat all the things as a stress reaction.  It's only semi-working.

 

Yesterday went off decently well, considering how shitty I felt Friday.  Friday night I drove after my chiropractor appointment to my parents' place, since the method to get my new car and return their's was decided to be for me to drive down Friday night and us all drive to the dealer in the morning so I could get the car and they could see it.  I felt so shitty and exhausted and tired of life that when I got semi-settled in the house I cracked some whiskey to drink.  I don't drink often, guys, and almost never after a shitty day.  But that was how shitty Friday was - I needed liquor.

 

Saturday morning I got to slightly sleep in, except for a bout of awakedness at 4am.  Got up at 7ish, had some quiet coffee time before my parents woke up and made a racket, showered, and then hopped in the car to go to the dealer.  Signed all my life away without a hitch, and got the keys handed to me.  Jumped in the car, and then took my parents out to breakfast as a thanks for the drive/car borrowing/dealing with my shitty Friday night mood.  My parents are still not used to me being able to treat them, and were confused.  It was kind of adorable.

 

Drove in shitty traffic back home, but went grocery shopping first.  Got a whole bunch of mostly not-shitty things, plus some staples I had run out of (mainly canned beans and tomatoes for recipe usage).  At home, I then spent several hours working on reports for work, and currently am sitting outside the lab waiting for other things to wrap up.  Where I will then start doing more reports in the downtime.  At least I think I made the right move, schedule-wise.  I think I'd rather spend 4-5 hours today and yesterday rather than 8-9 hours today.  Lets me recover a bit this afternoon.

 

Anyway.  Still trying to relax a bit, manage that selfcare, and not eat like an asshole.  But plus side is that come Thursday I'm on a plane to go see Company, and thankfully I'm not a person who stresses over flying or being at the airport.  So I actually might get a chance to unwind a bit while there.  Weird.

[Urgan]

The car dragon has been slain.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

3 hours ago, RisenPhoenix said:

My parents are still not used to me being able to treat them, and were confused.  It was kind of adorable.

 

It's incredible to look at a waiter, point at everyone at the table and say, "I got this," isn't it?

[RisenPhoenix]

One step forward, about 30 million steps back.

 

Today was my one-on-one with my Boss.  Where I got to tell her that Project 1 looks like a failure and needs to shit to other methods, that Super Important Project that I was so sure was out the door last week got screwed for unknown reasons after working fine for weeks and on hold, and that the project I screwed up back in May (that I busted my ass to repeat) *also* is screwed up because the collaborators pissed my boss off so badly that we never got around to confirming some things because she just wanted it out the door.  The fact I realized it later and got some data is a damn miracle - it just doesn't matter because it's all shit.  

 

Oh, and the commentary from her saying nothing has been accomplished in two months.

 

Yea.

 

I'm feeling super awesome right now.

 

Sigh.

 

Plus side is I fly out Thursday night.  But at this point I suspect all the travel and chaos that brings will put me in a worse place than I currently am.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

2 hours ago, RisenPhoenix said:

One step forward, about 30 million steps back.

 

Today was my one-on-one with my Boss.  Where I got to tell her that Project 1 looks like a failure and needs to shit to other methods, that Super Important Project that I was so sure was out the door last week got screwed for unknown reasons after working fine for weeks and on hold, and that the project I screwed up back in May (that I busted my ass to repeat) *also* is screwed up because the collaborators pissed my boss off so badly that we never got around to confirming some things because she just wanted it out the door.  The fact I realized it later and got some data is a damn miracle - it just doesn't matter because it's all shit.  

 

Oh, and the commentary from her saying nothing has been accomplished in two months.

 

Yea.

 

I'm feeling super awesome right now.

 

Sigh.

 

Plus side is I fly out Thursday night.  But at this point I suspect all the travel and chaos that brings will put me in a worse place than I currently am.

Dude that sucks. I hope your Texas therapy proves more helpful than not.

[Kyellan]

Fly safely, rest well. Things will hopefully look a little better with some distance.

 

Not sure how long you'll be gone, but I'm heading to the Dallas-Fort Worth area next week (10th-14th). Never been to Tejas before... should be interesting ^.^

[Kishi]

Yeah, dude, that's fucking rough. It sounds like a lot of stuff you couldn't control went way wrong at a time you really didn't need it to, even the stuff that you worked to fix. Of course, people being people, I doubt anyone takes responsibility for their aspects of things. Of course, you know this already.

 

Anyway, shit sucks.  Hope this evens out soon.

[RisenPhoenix]

Thanks, guys.

 

Asshole eating is in full swing.  Just not enough fucks to give.

 

Also my body is starting to show the symptoms of a stress-induced shut down.  Woke up this morning to a sore throat that came out of no where. So that's SUPER timing.  Hopefully with a little severe self-care I can make it to Thursday and on the plane, so I can maybe get a bit of respite.

 

Also Also, my new roommate is a nice guy, but I need to find a way to get him to stop asking me how my day was Every.  Single.  Day.  And to especially get him to figure out that if I'm looking exhausted (which he has commented on several times *as an ice breaker* ) that I probably don't want to do more than a wave and a hello, and certainly if I circle around the damn question when I answer it doesn't mean repeat it.  I'm definitely starting to get spikes of anxiety when his door opens because it inevitably means social interaction and right now that is on the No Fly List in my life.

 

I really, really regret not going back on my anxiety meds after the accident like I thought I should have.  I'd go back on them now, but it would take weeks to kick in anyway.  And since things almost seem like they are calming down in my personal life, I'm reluctant to go back on them.  Possibly because I am stubborn.  

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

4 hours ago, RisenPhoenix said:

 

Also Also, my new roommate is a nice guy, but I need to find a way to get him to stop asking me how my day was Every.  Single.  Day.  And to especially get him to figure out that if I'm looking exhausted (which he has commented on several times *as an ice breaker* ) that I probably don't want to do more than a wave and a hello, and certainly if I circle around the damn question when I answer it doesn't mean repeat it.  I'm definitely starting to get spikes of anxiety when his door opens because it inevitably means social interaction and right now that is on the No Fly List in my life.

 

Have you tried to explain to him the Black Band/Red Band concept?

[RisenPhoenix]

1 hour ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Have you tried to explain to him the Black Band/Red Band concept?

 

Debated it.  I don't think he'd get it, and/or would take it badly right now.  He's more social than he let on when I interviewed him.  And I don't know if I could dredge up enough social niceties to phrase in a way that doesn't make it an issue.  That's an issue I'm having right now, because all of that energy is going towards my work interactions.

 

It's just shitty timing trying to deal with a new roommate after getting along pretty well with the last guy (who mimicked my hermity ways), while struggling with work stress, car insurance stress, back pain from the accident stress, and a lack of training that's causing me to go up a wall with insanity because I can't regulate my stress stress.