• Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

Ensi

Ensi - Urban Pirate Witch Cherishes Autumn

Recommended Posts

3 hours ago, Ensi said:

I was talking on the phone with Mom the other day, and I just spontaneously said, "I don't feel depressed anymore" and I think that's actually true

That is really great :) 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, WhiteGhost said:

That is really great :) 

 

Thanks, it is! :)

 

**

 

The most important exchange that happened during the interview:

 

Interviewer: Thank you for your application, it really stood out! Especially the pink resume. It wasn't scented, though, I think...

Me: ... is that a Legally Blonde reference?

Interviewer: *laughs maniacally and moves on to another topic*

 

... it went OK! :D Phew. As said, they liked my application letter and resume, and they said that I definitely have potential. I showed them the portfolio piece, and their coder said that it looked good. They'll let me know their decision by the end of next week :) I'm afraid I might have been too dismissive of myself, but I tried to give them a realistic view on what I'm capable of. We'll see! Whatever happens, I'm grabbing the EXP and running :P

 

I felt really nervous afterwards, so I talked with my good friend about it. She verbally kicked my ass and told me that I chronically underestimate myself and what I'm capable of, that I always get stuck in a "but what if I caaa-a-aaan't bawww???" mentality, which sucks the energy out of me, AND I try to please my mother too much. And she's right. It felt incredibly good to get a verbal asskicking like this. I'm gonna try and be more aware of this from now on, and challenge those self-limiting thoughts when they pop up.

 

I just had dinner, and I'm gonna grab my laptop and go work at the university's library :) Onwards!

  • Like 7

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
15 hours ago, @mu said:

 

WELL DONE!!! :victorious:

 

Thanks!! :D All in all, it was a positive experience. The two interviewers told me that with my skills, I could become a fantastic web developer...! It meant a lot to me to get feedback from people who actually work in the field :) Whether I get the job or not, I now know what to focus on. Let's see what happens!

 

I spent some time journaling with the help of the library book last night. I mapped out some beliefs I have about myself (and the possible reasons I have those beliefs), and how those beliefs affect my actions, and I've now gathered a list of affirmations I'm going to practice when the negative thoughts hit. For example, "I don't know enough about this" -> "I want to learn more about this" etc.. I have this black-and-white model in my head: it's like the only other option to being insecure and belittling of myself is to be an arrogant prick that thinks too much of themselves. I need to challenge this way of thinking, just the way I've challenged the "either I'm dieting OR I'm eating all the unhealthy foods all the time" idea. It's equally important that I give myself time for these changes, too. I am a pretty sensitive person, who's had a lot of bad experiences, and it takes time to change (or even recognize!) all the negative thinking patterns. But progress can be made, I'm sure of it :)

 

Today's a total pampering day!

 

3467522b940eb26c04dbfae2b2bff034.gif

 

I'm just meeting one of the teachers today, and I want to attend a math lecture, but then I'm going to spend time at home, do yoga, drink tea and celebrate all the hard work I've done lately. I slept OK, but was tense in the morning, so I did a 30-minute relaxation practice and 25 minutes of yin yoga. So, I'm off to a good start...! Have a lovely Wednesday :)

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So much for relaxation: I was called in to do an evening shift at the library, because someone was sick! But it was actually nice to go and get some change to my environment :) My fav guard was there, too, so I had fun ;)

 

Eating's felt good and sustainable. Having the food thoughts and cravings removed has made eating feel so much easier than it has been in a long time... This morning, I had my breakfast at 7:30 AM, and I bought a protein bar for my lecture that was gonna last until 12 PM - but I didn't need the snack, because the breakfast was big enough! We gave a short presentation during the lecture today, and I'm happy to say that giving presentations doesn't worry me much these days. All the other group members were really nervous, and I tried to tell them that it's OK and that it's just a sign they're preparing to give it their best shot. Not sure if it helped, but I feel like we have a good group dynamic :) I also noticed yesterday that my belt felt a bit loose, and today I could tighten it a notch. That's great, and I'm gonna keep my focus on handling my stress levels and eating enough.

 

As for the stress levels: I'm doing OK, just took a little damage from the excitement the past couple of weeks have offered me, but I was able to find calming moments during the stressful times, and now I'm making a recovery :) Pushing myself to sending the application and going to the interview were really important for me, because I saw that employers could be interested in me in the future, and I got good counselling for the things I should focus on in the future. This was a good experience for my self-esteem :) I also got a couple of more work shifts at the library next week, and a couple more, should I choose to accept them. So, yay!

 

 I just had lunch, and I'm gonna study now. I'm meeting a couple of friends in the evening, and I'd like to go for a short run again and do a kettlebell workout + push-ups. I love putting on a running playlist on Spotify and go jogging...! So, that's what I'm up to today. Time to get some work done now :) Enjoy your Thursday!

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It happened: I could finally jog around the the entire route around the river! I've had this regular route, and I've usually been able to jog around 60 % of it, but yesterday I managed the whole route :) I jogged slower when I felt like I needed it, and picked up the pace when I felt like it. In total, I jogged approximately 35 minutes. The route is 3,8 km/ 2,4 miles, and my next step is to start practicing so that I could run it in under... 30 minutes? That could be the initial goal :D In addition to slower running practices, I need to do sprinting workouts, and keep training with the kettlebells. Winter is coming, and running on ice isn't much fun, but maybe I could get myself running shoes with studs... When I got home, I practiced push-ups, and I'm currently at 5-5-4.

 

Sleep was OK, and I just had breakfast. I thought about doing a power yoga practice before my lectures, and do the second workout of the week during the weekend. Now I'm planning a puzzle for the game development project: our game is a sort of a room escape game, and it suddenly seems like a really fun concept...! I'm gonna work on it and show some concept art to the group. Should be fun :) Have a lovely Friday, everyone!

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
9 hours ago, Ensi said:

I could finally jog around the the entire route around the river!

Woo-hoo!! 

 

On 9/25/2018 at 4:20 PM, Ensi said:

.. it went OK!

Woo-hoo!! 

 

On 9/25/2018 at 4:20 PM, Ensi said:

She verbally kicked my ass

That's a good friend, and I agree with her that you underestimate yourself. It's okay to feel good about yourself <4 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 9/28/2018 at 5:47 PM, Terah said:

Woo-hoo!! 

 

Woo-hoo!! 

 

That's a good friend, and I agree with her that you underestimate yourself. It's okay to feel good about yourself <4 

 

Thanks, Terah :love_heart: I've been thinking about this during this week, and I'm starting to realize that I can feel at least slightly better about myself than before :D Woo-hooo!!

 

**

 

My brain cells usually:

 

tenor.gif?itemid=5516788

 

My brain cells during the past 24 hours:

 

tumblr_njjbxqKwht1qzdk4jo1_400.gif

 

I was doing OK yesterday, but then my math class began. Usually, I can at least understand the problem and the objective, but now I just couldn't put the numbers on paper in any sensible context or order :DD I also felt bloated, and then I realized that Shark Week should start soon. And so it did! Today! YAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!

 

I've been REALLY tired today, but I went for a walk in the morning and in the afternoon. I think my breakfast and lunch were probably too small, because after a proper dinner (and some ibuprofen...) I started to feel better. And, a couple of hours after dinner, I started to feel like working out. I changed to my workout gear and did some exercises for warm-up. At that point, my muscles were drained of energy, and after some contemplation, I decided to switch back to my comfortable clothes and just chill. So, I changed clothes, and then I suddenly felt energetic and willing to exercise again.

 

tumblr_nytdogUL5k1suo6l1o1_250.gif

*my own shit

 

I changed back to my workout gear, and did a moderate strength training workout, 40 minutes in total :) It was lovely to get some exercise, and now I can keep practicing math and doing art for the game project. I'm starting to have an idea of the visual style of the game, and I'm suddenly pretty excited to keep experimenting...!

 

A notion from the past few days: my journaling has become different. I write about my life and my thoughts, as usual, but the goal isn't to handle anxiety, but to just contemplate things that have happened. I write about things, not so much to feel less anxious, but to just... write about them. Cherish them! I've even started to write some fiction and humour, which I enjoy a lot, and I realize that this is possible because I'm not anxious in a way I've been for years. I'm relaxed and not worried about everything. I've been dying to use my skills and do the things I've thought I'm not good enough to do, and now that I am doing them, I feel satisfied and calm. And I've thought about "not being good enough", and I've started to think that maybe I am, in fact, good enough. I understand that there's a lot of work to do, but I feel capable and motivated. Last autumn, I just knew I wasn't done with studies just yet (even though my thesis was ready and I could have taken my degree and focus on working at the library), and I'm so, so glad to see that I was right. I hope this isn't just some Shark Week endorphin attack (en-dolhin??), but that I'm actually getting better :) Have a great Saturday!

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Ensi said:

I'm relaxed and not worried about everything.

Happy ((hug))!!! 

 

2 hours ago, Ensi said:

I've even started to write some fiction and humour

Ever thought about making a children's book? Your drawings would be perfect for something like that! 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
22 minutes ago, Terah said:

Happy ((hug))!!! 

 

DeliriousMenacingBunting-small.gif

 

23 minutes ago, Terah said:

Ever thought about making a children's book? Your drawings would be perfect for something like that! 

 

I actually would love making children's books, but it would feel a bit weird, because I dislike spending time with kids :DD I just freeze and I have no idea how to be with them... But I'd love to create stories for them, and illustrate books, for sure. I think that when I was a kid, I found a lot of solace and understanding in books, and I'd love to help kids feel that way, for sure. I'd like to create stories that adults like, too, like Tove Jansson's Moomin stories, or Don Rosa's Uncle Scrooge comics. I'll see what I'll come up with :) And thank you for the encouragement! You're always so kind :love_heart:

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If you ever make a children's book, I would be happy to test it out if you on my own kids :)

 

5 minutes ago, Ensi said:

I just freeze and I have no idea how to be with them

They are like puppies. Just trow a ball, pet their heads and tell them they are a good boy/girl ;)

Tgis usually works until they are about 10/11 years old :D

  • Haha 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
10 hours ago, Terah said:

If you ever make a children's book, I would be happy to test it out if you on my own kids :)

 

I know for a fact that your kids have great taste, so I'd be interested in hearing their opinion, for sure :)

 

10 hours ago, Terah said:

They are like puppies. Just trow a ball, pet their heads and tell them they are a good boy/girl ;)

Tgis usually works until they are about 10/11 years old :D

 

... I can throw a ball. Maybe I'd be great with kids, if I tried :DD I guess I'm mostly terrified that I traumatize them for life, or that I do something wrong and their parents end my life in a slow, painful way. I don't know. But I do like the stuff that's aimed for children! The stories, books (BEAUTIFULLY ILLUSTRATED NON-FICTION, I need it more for adults, too!), movies and all. I guess I'm just a big kid myself...

 

**

 

I got myself a heat pad for cramps, and I love it. I've usually just filled an old drinking bottle with hot water and held it on my belly, but this pad can be heated in the microwave, and it's a lot easier to hold in place. Sleep was OK, though it's always lighter during Shark Week, so I'm gonna take a nap later on. I made sure to eat a bigger breakfast today, because I think that it was too light yesterday. I tried making Flygande Jakob yesterday (the banana works surprisingly well in it!), and I'm gonna prepare some quinoa and zucchini on pan to go with it today. I've completed my exercise goals for the week, so today I'm gonna do some calming yin yoga and let my body rest.

 

I started experimenting with pixel art yesterday, and I'm really interested in learning the technique better! I also have a few more math problems to solve, so... That's gonna be my Sunday :) I've also been thinking about the library guard and how to handle the situation with him. There is probably no situation, but he ran after me on Wednesday when we closed the library and started chatting a bit. I haven't really expressed any interest, I've just always smiled and said hi when he goes by on his route, but at this point we've talked every now and then and I wonder if I should have realized to take some distance earlier on. That's the lesson from the library I'm gonna take with me: keep a certain distance to co-workers. I used to think that I'm not gonna get any attention anyway and that it doesn't matter, if I have fun and flirt a bit, but I need to acknowledge that things have changed, and take responsibility. ... I guess this is just a problem to me because I do like him, but this is just another situation where I can't see that it would work out. So, yeah. I try not to overthink it.

 

Time to watch an episode of Elementary, and get going with the studies :) Have a calm Sunday, everyone!

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

UNFAIR. I had a work shift at the library, and I was keeping a good distance to the guard. BUT THEN. My key card to the office stopped working, and I had to go ask him for help T_____T Later on, he started teasing me about it: "Hey Ensi, there's a door I can't open, maybe you could help me out? You're SO GOOD WITH DOORS!!"

 

tenor.gif

 

Well, that's one more to the list of doors that have failed me, including the one toilet in Saint Petersburg, and my own apartment. I hate doors...

 

I have nothing special to report :) Shark Week is making me really tired, so I've taken some time to slow down, let life just happen, and eat properly. I've gone on a couple of walks today, and I walked to the library and back. I've  I'm gonna let life happen for a couple more days without to-do lists and such, but get everything done so that I can relax on the weekend: WE'RE GOING TO STOCKHOLM WITH MY BRO!

 

tumblr_njfnxosbWP1re3x32o1_500.gif

 

It's gonna be a nice little break from hustling, even though everything's going pretty well, hustle-wise :D I'm calm and happy with how things are. Have a lovely start for your week, everyone :)

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 10/1/2018 at 10:52 PM, DrFeelgood said:

 

 

 

:DD The door I was struggling with had to be pushed... But that wasn't the problem. Even the guard couldn't get the door open with his key card NOR an ordinary key. It was only when another coworker came to help and tried her key card that the door started working again (what even??). So, the guard didn't have any proper stand to start teasing me about it. But teasing doesn't require a proper reason, right? :P

 

**

 

My job gigs are over for the week, and I'm gonna study from home today :) I'm a bit worn out after work, but I went for a run. Running felt energetic and easy today (I've gathered my own Spotify playlist that I put on shuffle :love_heart: ), and I did some sprints. Couldn't quite jog around my route this time because of the sprints, and I also took a small forest path with a very steep climb at the end of it. Back home, I did push-ups to 5-5-5 and a basic strength training workout with squats, deadlifts and overhead presses. I just had lunch, and it's already 2 PM...! It's because I went to bed around midnight and woke up at 9 AM O__o Usually, when I've done this much and had my lunch, it's only 12 PM or so. My sleeping schedule has been a bit off because of Shark Week, I guess. But it was lovely to sleep without the alarm today... My muscles feel a bit heavy and my throat is a bit dry, but ehh. Other than that, I'm good.

 

tumblr_o1b59bhACV1u7gnm9o1_500.gif

 

As for my mood, I'm doing OK :) No anxiety, just some tension that I've tried to take care of. I notice that I've been a bit reluctant to study and draw, but it's normal after working so hard for the job application + interview. I'm gonna revise math (just take notes and go over some older stuff), and keep practicing pixel art. I got myself Aseprite, a software specifically designed for pixel art, and I can even make small animations with it! I tried creating a small candle animation yesterday, just with the flame moving, and I'm curious to try doing more.

 

All in all, I've started to take small steps towards doing things that scare me, and it's doing me good. I've also thought about how I've tried to be this perfect human being without flaws, but I realize that it's not me. I'm more of a bohemian soul and I get joy from doing small pranks and breaking rules (that don't hurt anyone), and I guess I've had some sort of an idea that either I'm a) a good, good person who does their best to be better at all times or b) a horrible, eccentric a-hole who thinks too much of herself. I've started to challenge that, and I'm starting to find a lovely middle ground: I can be a bohemian person, and still do my work well. I guess I'm going through a process where I learn to separate my self-worth from my work, and I really like it. I've also thought about Mom's influence on me: she's overly worried about me getting involved in things (the job application, for example), because she thinks that getting involved = = getting trapped. I mentioned her about the guard, too, and she was immediately like "no, that wouldn't work". She keeps telling me that "when it's the right guy, it'll be easy, and you'll know it!" And at some level I guess I know this, but I wonder if I've actually just built a really thick wall around myself. I don't know how it feels when it's right or wrong, because I'm almost told "no one is good enough for you". It's really hard to give people chances, when you're looking for flaws all the time. I guess she thinks that Woodkid and I would be great together, but I don't feel that way about him, and I remember when HC started to fade away, she made tons of excuses for him instead of encouraging me to move on (because he was probably "good enough"). So, yeah, I don't know much, but I know that this way of trying to be perfect is keeping me from living. I love Mom, but I want to take some distance in order to find myself better. (... this is not saying that I'm gonna hit on the guard :DD what I mean is that I would just like to go out more and take myself out of that "box of perfection". I'm ready to go out there and make some mess, because it's a lot better than looking at my life pass me by.)

 

tumblr_static_tumblr_static__640.gif

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yo, I'm back!

 

  • the trip itself was OK. I was tired and would have preferred to stay home, maybe :D
  • ... BUT taking some time away helped me to see some really big brain weasels. So, mental lifting ++
  • I recovered from travelling yesterday by watching movies, taking nap, and later on I went to study at the library.
  • I quit drinking coffee. I'll have it occasionally, though, but removing the caffeine AND the crazy amount of oat milk I'm having daily with my coffee is probably not a bad move :D The withdrawal symptoms are OK, for now...
  • we walked a lot in Stockholm. I didn't get my second strength training workout in for the week, but I'm cool with that (Shark Week + travelling). Having a break from exercise every now and then is alright :)
  • didn't hear back from the company last week. They may have made their decisions, and announce them this week, maybe. I'm not too stressed, because I'm happily focusing on my classes and bettering my art.
  • As I said, I was doing my homework at the library, and The Guard happened to be there (we don't have the same guard every day). The thing is, I've been thinking about him, but I also realize that we don't know anything about each other. So, when he noticed me during this tour and came to have a little chat, I showed him my math homework and told him that it's part of my computer science studies. I don't really have an end goal here, other than to give him a sense of the shit show he's taking a part in get to know each other a bit better - right now, he only knows the librarian, who always smiles at him and is bad at opening doors. It's good practice for me, too, because I realized that I actually want to get to know him better. He seems kind and calm, but yeah. We'll see :D

 

So, it's Monday, and I have my math class in a couple of hours. I'd like to do a strength training workout at some point today, maybe after my class, and then just keep studying art and drawing graphics for the game. I'm really interested in bettering my artistic style and trying new techniques, and I borrowed a couple of books with pictures of antique furniture to design the game's furniture. Right now, I'm gonna do a calming yoga practice and have lunch afterwards :) Have a lovely Monday, everyone!

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

THis sounds really good. Crossing fingers for the "Story of The Guard" :D

Did you already post some art of yours that I overlooked? I would be really interested in seeing some :)

(And wow, you are developing a game? wtf, either I have a memory like a goldfish or overlooked it :D )

 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, Arkania said:

 

Did you already post some art of yours that I overlooked? I would be really interested in seeing some :)

(And wow, you are developing a game? wtf, either I have a memory like a goldfish or overlooked it :D )

 

 

Nope, haven't posted anything here! I have an Instagram account. Used to have a link to it, but I'm trying to stay as incognito here as possible (one of my nightmares is that I die and people in my life find out about my NF life lol haha oh my god). Here's a couple of pieces:

 

Spoiler

image.png.9fe3af98a5bca69e4aa02673c36d339b.png

The picture above is my first bookshelf, and the first time I got the hang of pixel art :D What I'm currently working on:

image.png.61a8149fdca4633ec5c97e0415b80d21.png

Still needs details and more stuff!

 

I'm getting better slowly, which I'm happy about, because I struggled at first:D But I'm learning...! And the game is for a basic game development course! I'm making graphics for the game, and created a plan for our game level. It's fun, for sure :)

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Monday's workout: push-ups 6-5-5 + basic strength training exercises, 30 min in total. My muscles were a bit tired, and I'm not sure if it's the caffeine withdrawal kicking in or a slight cold...! I'm now having one cup of coffee in the morning to deal with the worst of withdrawal (I went from three cups to zero, yayy), because there's no reason to make it harder for myself :D I took a rest day yesterday, cleaning up the apartment and doing my laundry. It was lovely to spend a day at home and take care of everything, and I went for an evening walk to get some groceries. A very lovely and calm Tuesday :)

 

Shark Week is over for now. I am still able to fasten my belt one notch tighter, and the way I'm eating feels sustainable. I'm gonna do some mental lifting by reminding myself that my body is fine, and it doesn't need to be anything else than what it is at the moment. I sometimes have this urge to workout and eat healthier because I think that I should be more active in my efforts to get healthy, which leads to being tense all the time. It's as if I'm constantly anxious about my body not being right. But the best medicine for that is to remind myself that my body is functional and accepted as it is. And accepting myself doesn't mean that I won't be going after my goals - there's time to work and time to relax, even when going after your goals (and well constructed goals have pauses built in them).

 

My mood has also been good, even though I've gone through some damage the childhood abuse left in me. One of the newest realizations for me is that I used to take up roles and pretend that I'm a fictional character, because I didn't have any idea of how to be myself (or I thought that being me was dangerous and bad). I did this up to this spring, and it was only during summer when I started to try and be me. I also read that abused kids read a lot and develop strong ties to fictional characters, and this is exactly what I did as a kid (and this is why LotR was super important to me). I've taken some distance to my family to evaluate a few things, and it's been good for me. I think it's just normal to not be in touch with your family every single day - it takes a lot of time and energy to do that, and it also reduces the time where I figure things out on my own. So, yeah. The trip to Stockholm was great, because it helped me realize a few things I still do around my family, like doing my best to tell them that I'm over everything that happened and that they don't need to feel bad about it. I have forgiven them, for sure, but that doesn't mean that I need to erase their effect on me so eagerly. I'm not interested in pointing fingers anymore, though, but acknowledging that my trauma still affects me today will help me heal. Let's keep healing!

 

tumblr_p1lp0qGg4s1qjxgmho1_500.gif

(nothing better to illustrate healing than Ripley, who literally faced all her demons in Aliens with the help of a flamethrower and a pulse rifle, amiright??)

 

I got called in the library for today (Wednesday) for a short 4-hour-long gig, and I'm actually thinking of staying there afterwards to study...! I have another gig on Friday, and two more next week. I'm very pleased with the amount of gig jobs I'm getting :) And a very warm recommendation: Ben & Jerry's Moo-phoria P.B. Dough.

 

5a7b1a61193a7add028b4b03-750-562.jpg

 

Like, I have never cared about calories when I eat B&J, and I was just curious to taste this :D It's delicious, totally my new fav ice cream for now!

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

my plan to calm down the situation with The Guard by getting to know him has backfired magnificently because the more I talk with him the more I like him

 

original.gif

 

I guess I was anticipating for him to lose interest if he got to know me better (#trauma), but that didn't happen. Instead, we ended up talking about him, too, and it somehow made me feel better when I was able to know more about him (his NAME, for one!). And it turns out that it's really easy to talk with him, and we have fun together. I am not also panicking, nor do I feel anxious or scared. Also, Vinnie was working today, and he seemed to try and pay more attention to me than usually, and he told me that it's good to see me around there. I didn't feel hurt at all, because I guess I don't really care anymore. All in all, I had a lovely day :)

 

Before the gig, I went for a run. I ended up jogging for over 30 minutes, but I wasn't at my best: my muscles are slightly tired, so I walked after I got tired of running (30 minutes of walking in total). I've had issues with my stomach lately, and I' not sure what's causing it :/ It feels tense and bloated. Maybe I'll make a plan to eliminate possible causes... The Ben & Jerry has backfired, too, and my head feels foggy. I have no regrets, though :D

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
14 hours ago, Ensi said:

I sometimes have this urge to workout and eat healthier because I think that I should be more active in my efforts to get healthy, which leads to being tense all the time. It's as if I'm constantly anxious about my body not being right. But the best medicine for that is to remind myself that my body is functional and accepted as it is. And accepting myself doesn't mean that I won't be going after my goals - there's time to work and time to relax, even when going after your goals (and well constructed goals have pauses built in them). 

 

 

I am on the same road and at the moment it's really full of potholes but it may get better sometime :)
I can't even take a week off and do "nothing".

And then thinking of goals, I just saw a Casey Neistat video and I was evry happy about this guy and his goal :D

https://youtu.be/HcTrKOZodRk?t=316 (watch until at least 5:40)

I like how it goes with you and The Guard :wub:

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
12 hours ago, Ensi said:

the more I talk with him the more I like him

It's amazing how many great people are here on the planet <3 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Wuut I have so much catching up to do, loads going on here :P

 

Just this:

 

On 9/29/2018 at 7:50 PM, Ensi said:

I was doing OK yesterday, but then my math class began. Usually, I can at least understand the problem and the objective, but now I just couldn't put the numbers on paper in any sensible context or order :DD

 

I did a Msc in AI and the math class was pretty hardcore, coming from my background,  I got lost pretty quick. It's ok though. I mean unless you really enjoy it of course :P There is room for everybody and all sorts of skills. Math included or not. I did try and the teacher gave me some extra exercises + time...  And my father is a math teacher...:tyrannosaurus:  but nope... I do remember a very similar moment in class, looking at the dashboard full of equations and Greek letters, and coming from Classics, I did know Greek but nothing was making any sense :lol:

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 10/10/2018 at 10:50 PM, Arkania said:

 

I am on the same road and at the moment it's really full of potholes but it may get better sometime :)
I can't even take a week off and do "nothing".

And then thinking of goals, I just saw a Casey Neistat video and I was evry happy about this guy and his goal :D

https://youtu.be/HcTrKOZodRk?t=316 (watch until at least 5:40)

I like how it goes with you and The Guard :wub:

 

It can totally get better :) I realized yesterday that I've been eating too fast, so I've just slowed down and taken more time to chew on the food. Eating too fast has probably been the reason my stomach has been so weird... It's like I am constantly rushing towards the next moment. I've taken some time to stop and realize that I don't need to be in such a hurry! I definitely want to practice this during the weekend...

 

I understand the feeling that you "can't take off a week" :D I sometimes wonder if I seem like a lazy bean around here, but no one probably thinks that, and my goals have also changed radically during my years here. I used to have strict goals, but my mental health wasn't that strong back then. My life revolved around getting fit :/ These days I just want to be healthy so that I have energy to work, study and experience life. And I like the idea of competing against myself! It's the only race that matters, really. Except for if it's a race where you can win ice cream. Then you HAVE TO WIN EVERYONE ELSE D8<

 

We're gonna have to call The Guard Kyle from now on. It's not his real Finnish name, of course, but it's a pretty close English counterpart :D

 

On 10/11/2018 at 10:41 AM, Terah said:

It's amazing how many great people are here on the planet <3 

 

It is! And I think I've changed since springtime, because I noticed that Kyle was already interested while I was working in the library back this spring, but I was all about Vinnie and didn't really think about Kyle in that way - but I did always think that he seemed like a very kind person.  Now that I think about it, I haven't really been able to open up to people who seem open and kind in the past... Now I feel more confident and safe, and I think I want to try and learn how to open up to people :) Maybe nothing will come out of this, but I feel like it won't be the end of the world, because I'm still OK. It's about whether we play well together, not about if I'm good enough. And my dumb little heart seems to always look for something new, which is an encouraging thought :D

 

... He also said that he's been a military police officer, at which point I was like:

 

tumblr_inline_pahw1vYRan1tv4ncb_540.gif

(ok that was just a bad excuse to use this gif because it's precious)

 

17 hours ago, @mu said:

 

I did a Msc in AI and the math class was pretty hardcore, coming from my background,  I got lost pretty quick. It's ok though. I mean unless you really enjoy it of course :P There is room for everybody and all sorts of skills. Math included or not. I did try and the teacher gave me some extra exercises + time...  And my father is a math teacher...:tyrannosaurus:  but nope... I do remember a very similar moment in class, looking at the dashboard full of equations and Greek letters, and coming from Classics, I did know Greek but nothing was making any sense :lol:

 

"I did know Greek but nothing was making any sense" what a wonderful phrase :DD It does take some a lot of time and humility to learn math, right? It's been hard for me to allow myself to learn. I used to think that you either can math, or you can't, and that's it. I've really loved this course, because I've been able to keep up and do the required work every week :) ... I did feel like Peter Parker in this video again today, though :DD I just need to study this weekend... Thanks for catching up! :)

 

... to be honest, I felt like that entire video during the lecture haha

 

**

 

Phew! I got called to work yesterday, and while I was there I noticed that I was appointed to do a morning shift today - but we had agreed on an evening shift! The manager had made a mistake, and we ended agreeing that I won't come in at all so that I could make it to my lectures. It's a good thing they called me in yesterday, because otherwise they would have been short on staff today, when I wouldn't have been there at 10 AM... So, I'm having an evening off, and I welcome it! After work, I stayed up late with my homework, and sleep was a bit light, so I'm happy to take some time off :) The weather is really pretty, so I'm gonna take a walk later on and go to bed in time.

 

I did a strength training workout this morning before my classes. Push-ups: 6-6-6 (happy Halloween, y'all) + basic strength training exercises, 45 minutes in total. As I mentioned, I'm doing my best to slow down during my meals. I've been eating food too fast, as if I had to get it in as quickly as possible so that I can go on and do my next thing. So, I'm focusing on being in the moment so that I can stop the constant race to the next moment. I now have done the 2/2 strength training workouts of the week, and the wild card was the run I had on Wednesday. I'm gonna do yoga in the weekend and focus on relaxation and studies :) Have a lovely Friday, y'all!

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, Ensi said:

Maybe nothing will come out of this, but I feel like it won't be the end of the world, because I'm still OK. It's about whether we play well together, not about if I'm good enough

Newsflash: you are good enough just as you are <4 

Opening yourself up to new people, romantically or otherwise, will at least give you a new experience, new knowledge. I always try to remember that everyone knows stuff that I don't, even people that seem not that smart, and especially people that seem weird :D

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now