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Ensi

Ensi - Urban Pirate Witch Cherishes Autumn

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22 hours ago, Terah said:

Newsflash: you are good enough just as you are <4 

Opening yourself up to new people, romantically or otherwise, will at least give you a new experience, new knowledge. I always try to remember that everyone knows stuff that I don't, even people that seem not that smart, and especially people that seem weird :D

 

Yeah, I truly think now that I'm good enough. Actually, I no longer wonder if I'm good enough: what I care about is whether the things I do are good. BUT, the things I do are separated from my sense of self-worth, you know? What I mean is that I don't tie my self-worth to my productivity level anymore. I've practiced letting life take its course every now and then, and I've come to see that nothing bad happens. It's like growing a garden: I can water the plants all I want, but they won't grow any faster. (I think the house plants I've got for myself have been great teachers for me this autumn :D ) And it's completely OK. I love putting effort to things and then see them grow. I've also started to look around when I'm out in the nature: nature isn't about being perfect, but everything is just the way it is, unapologetically. It's a comforting thought :)

 

And you're right: everyone has their own expertise! Kyle said himself that he's not smart enough to do programming, but I said that I actually wanted to be a guard at some point (I really did!). They're so cool for knowing self-defense and being able to calm down heated situations and making people feel safe. Being logically/mathematically smart these days is just so hyped that people seem to be anxious about not being into it (Kyle yelled "EWW!" and jumped almost three feet back when he first saw my math homework o__o), BUT LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT A LECTURE I HAD EARLIER THIS WEEK. We had a visitor from a local company, a grown-ass man, and he swore during his presentation and acted like he didn't really care. He gave us some really good information, and I actually asked him for help after the lecture, but I didn't like his manners at all. He had "I'm smart so it doesn't matter if I'm nice" written all over him. And our teachers, two grown-ass men, were there in the first row, giggling every time the visitor said something "naughty". Well, he was a lot nicer when he answered my question after the lecture, so I maybe that was just his manner of giving presentations. Nevertheless, you can be as smart as you like, but no amount of intelligence can hide ugly manners. Besides, I think that good manners are a far greater proof of intelligence than being able to solve every single math problem on the planet...

 

**

 

It's been a rest day. I stayed home in the morning, and went to library to study after lunch. I stayed there for 3 and a half hours doing math homework, and then I walked home a bit longer route. I've practiced slowing down today by reminding myself that I don't have to rush through my day, and that it's OK to take time to do things. Even though I'm mysteriously tired (do I have a cold or am I a hormonal mess? title of my autobiography), I already notice that I'm more aware of what I'm doing, and I don't rush from one thing to another. Some signs of rushing:

 

  • eating food as quickly as possible
  • always walking the same route to every place, almost marching and not looking around
  • thinking about what I'm gonna do next while I'm doing something else

 

I'm doing better already. I eat slower, and I've taken different routes on my walks. I sometimes get stuck in my routines, and then I just autopilot myself from one moment to next. Maybe all my mental energy has gone to my studies and learning new art styles, and it's easy to keep thinking about them while I do my "routine" things. It's not hard for me to stop doing that now that I realized it, though :)

 

My mood's been really good, and I've started to make plans for the future. What I mean is that sure, I can code, but there's still something that's unique to me: my art. I love creating art, and if I combined it with my technical and linguistic skills, who knows? I haven't heard back from the company, but I have actually had time to think further. I could create my own WordPress portfolio site and learn WP development in the process, and keep making art. Heck, I'm actually studying game development. Why not embrace it? Get really good at creating graphics for games? And learn to build good looking websites? This is why I'd like to start setting professional goals for myself. Currently, I'm waiting for an outer motivator, when I have everything I need right here to get to work myself. I can stop collecting underpants already (completing tutorials without any goals). I'm gonna make some professional goals for myself, and get to work. I've been figuring myself out big time during this past year (past few years), and I'm still figuring things out. I think the company wouldn't be the best match for me right now (I'm not saying this because I'm defensive, but because I did have a bit weird feeling about it all, even if I was also excited), because I have just started my studies and it just feels like a subplot I don't need right now. Applying there was a really encouraging experience, though :)

 

Today, I also did yoga, played PlayStation, watched Thor: Ragnarok, and kept sketching game art. It's been a lovely Saturday, and I hope to get a good night's sleep. I think it's mid-cycle shenanigans that's making me tired, so I'm gonna rest tomorrow. It's gonna be a lovely Sunday, for sure...! Have a good Saturday evening, everyone :)

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Phew! Time to rest! I've been pushing it lately without rest, and I'm starting to feel it :D I'm gonna take a couple of days off. I had job gigs at the library on Monday and yesterday, and I'm having another one tomorrow. I told them already yesterday that I'm unavailable today, so they shouldn't call me. They can manage without me for one day, and I really need some rest now :) I think the fatigue is caused by excessive studying and work, and it's also been exciting to get to know Kyle better - very nice, but also exciting for my nervous system :D Like, even if I'm enjoying everything I'm doing, I still need breaks! I went to bed earlier than usually yesterday and slept well. I had a good breakfast and watched Kiki's Delivery Service, and now I'm searching for some good recipe to try out today :) I'm also taking it easier with exercise until my muscles have gotten more rest.

 

Despite the fatigue, my mood's been good, and I'm happy with how things are...! I'm not saying this to hype, but I just notice that I'm happy, and it's a big deal for me, especially since it's come about after I've started to take steps towards being my authentic self. And now I can just take a day off without feeling guilty, because I know that everything's gonna be OK :) Gonna treat myself today to good food and naps! Enjoy your Wednesday, everyone :D

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20 hours ago, Terah said:

Happy ((hugs))!!!

 

tumblr_m5tvi9HjJz1rqlfp9.gif

 

Just one day of rest made a huge difference...! I've been so into designing game graphics and learning math that I haven't taken enough rest. I'm gonna have to plan more rest from now on, and stop working late in the evening. I can do enough during daytime :) I spent my day watching movies, getting groceries, just resting, and I also took a nap. I'm gonna continue until my job gig today (I have an evening shift), and get back to my studies tomorrow.

 

I also had time to think about my eating habits, and I realized that I have been eating pretty freely without gaining weight (measured in belt notches, though - haven't stepped on the scales in almost year and a half now). I actually went down a belt notch when I started eating more during my meals: it's been easier to make healthy decisions, because there are no cravings caused by too little eating. This helped me understand that I can relax: eating whatever I want doesn't necessarily mean that I'm gonna eat unhealthy or gain weight. That's something I'm gonna think about today :) I haven't journaled in a long time, because I haven't felt the need to do it, but I think that writing could be a good hobby. Writing fiction could be especially rewarding, and creating short comics, too. I'll make small goals for me after this small break, because I still want to just let myself rest today :)

 

By the way, a couple of habits that have tidied up my apartment a ton:

 

1. Getting rid of The Chair.

 

clothes-that-are-too-dirty-for-the-closet-but-too-17616191.png

 

Instead of piling my clothes on The Chair, I have a basket for my "too-dirty-for-the-closet-too-clean-for-the-laundry" clothes. And when the basket gets too full, I move some clothes to the laundry basket. So far, so good, and has removed another inconvenience:

 

99b2a48374fcda306315bc3793b257c724c5ef71

 

2. Washing the dishes right away. Instead of letting the dishes pile up until I have an unholy Mount Dirt Dish, I wash the dishes immediately after I've had my meal. I started doing this a couple of weeks ago, and I guess not having to wash Mt. Dirt Dish is so rewarding that the habit stuck right away :D

 

Do you have any good tips how to keep your apartment clean? I'd love to hear them!

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On 10/18/2018 at 12:54 AM, Ensi said:

 

tumblr_m5tvi9HjJz1rqlfp9.gif

 

Just one day of rest made a huge difference...! I've been so into designing game graphics and learning math that I haven't taken enough rest. I'm gonna have to plan more rest from now on, and stop working late in the evening. I can do enough during daytime :) I spent my day watching movies, getting groceries, just resting, and I also took a nap. I'm gonna continue until my job gig today (I have an evening shift), and get back to my studies tomorrow.

 

I also had time to think about my eating habits, and I realized that I have been eating pretty freely without gaining weight (measured in belt notches, though - haven't stepped on the scales in almost year and a half now). I actually went down a belt notch when I started eating more during my meals: it's been easier to make healthy decisions, because there are no cravings caused by too little eating. This helped me understand that I can relax: eating whatever I want doesn't necessarily mean that I'm gonna eat unhealthy or gain weight. That's something I'm gonna think about today :) I haven't journaled in a long time, because I haven't felt the need to do it, but I think that writing could be a good hobby. Writing fiction could be especially rewarding, and creating short comics, too. I'll make small goals for me after this small break, because I still want to just let myself rest today :)

 

By the way, a couple of habits that have tidied up my apartment a ton:

 

1. Getting rid of The Chair.

 

clothes-that-are-too-dirty-for-the-closet-but-too-17616191.png

 

Instead of piling my clothes on The Chair, I have a basket for my "too-dirty-for-the-closet-too-clean-for-the-laundry" clothes. And when the basket gets too full, I move some clothes to the laundry basket. So far, so good, and has removed another inconvenience:

 

99b2a48374fcda306315bc3793b257c724c5ef71

 

2. Washing the dishes right away. Instead of letting the dishes pile up until I have an unholy Mount Dirt Dish, I wash the dishes immediately after I've had my meal. I started doing this a couple of weeks ago, and I guess not having to wash Mt. Dirt Dish is so rewarding that the habit stuck right away :D

 

Do you have any good tips how to keep your apartment clean? I'd love to hear them!

Okay first and foremost. That first tip. I think that's an amazing idea. I personally am not really a fan of "the chair" (to me, it's either dirty or clean). But my husband always has what I call "the pile" and I absolutely hate the mess. Maybe a basket would make a difference for the pile!!

 

 

But also, something that helped me keep my little house clean was investing in things to hang items from the wall. I hung my pot holders from the wall, also my apron. And I've got command hooks set up for mine and Mr. Right's car keys by the door.

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9 hours ago, TheGreyJedi-Ranger said:

Okay first and foremost. That first tip. I think that's an amazing idea. I personally am not really a fan of "the chair" (to me, it's either dirty or clean). But my husband always has what I call "the pile" and I absolutely hate the mess. Maybe a basket would make a difference for the pile!!

 

 

But also, something that helped me keep my little house clean was investing in things to hang items from the wall. I hung my pot holders from the wall, also my apron. And I've got command hooks set up for mine and Mr. Right's car keys by the door.

 

The Basket has made a big difference in my apartment! And now I can move "the pile" around more easily :D I definitely recommend it! Hanging items from the wall sounds really neat, too... I could look into it and see if it could be of use. My apartment is rather small, so every little tip can make a big difference :D Thanks!

 

**

 

The rest day I had on Wednesday was sorely needed, as I also had time to think about my health and where I should go from here. The season is changing, so the carefree adventuring/pirating of summer is behind me: I have to use my energy more wisely. I have more to do now than I had during summer, so I'm thinking that I should make a shift in my priorities: my goal is to be healthy and calm so that I can study and work properly. I sometimes go to "my goal is to work out and lose weight" by accident, and I'm gonna try and change that now... So, my list of priority is: 1) studies/work and stress management, 2) nutrition and 3) exercise. I realize that I get a lot of exercise daily (I love walking), so 2-3 strength training workouts a week + maybe a run would be more than enough for me.

 

I've done a lot of exercise during the past few weeks and I've struggled with rushing from one moment to the next, and now would be a good time to have a challenge where I slow down and do gentler exercise. I won't need to work harder, I need to work smarter. I've taken this week off from exercise, and I can see how the rushing has made me less focused and off-balance. I'm doing better already, and I'm finding time to do the things I like - especially if I stay away from social media and other Internet forums. I don't mean NF, but I tend to go and mindlessly read one particular forum that is just a waste of my time :D I really enjoyed yesterday: I studied math in the library for a few hours, came home to rest, and spent the evening doing pixel art. I'm currently more interested in perfecting my craft than I am at perfecting myself, you know? I know that I eat healthy and I do enough exercise to stay healthy, but I still struggle with calming down and focusing on my art and other skills. I wish to change that.

 

... in other words, my next challenge will probably be with Druids :D

 

By the way, check out my first animation in nine years! Nine years ago, I worked hard on a small animation on a course we had, and our teacher basically told me that it's trash. Haven't tried animation since, but today is different D8< I want to learn how to do animations now, and I just made something super simple to get to know Photoshop's animating tools. Here it is, in all its glory:

 

Spoiler

kupittaapossu.gif.32e38432bc9b0dd40acecbe4f1201d0e.gif

 

absolutely superb u funky lil' piglet

 

I 'm gonna do something more complicated later on, but this is just the beginning of my journey :D I also made a small pixel painting to practice colouring:

 

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I'm starting to feel more confident with picking colours :) It's wonderful to have such a possibility to get better at art...!

 

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On 10/18/2018 at 6:54 AM, Ensi said:

Instead of piling my clothes on The Chair, I have a basket for my "too-dirty-for-the-closet-too-clean-for-the-laundry" clothes. And when the basket gets too full, I move some clothes to the laundry basket.

You don't just wear those clothes the next day? It saves so much time finding an outfit if you just have to change the shirt underneath your cardigan for instance. 

 

On 10/18/2018 at 6:54 AM, Ensi said:

Do you have any good tips how to keep your apartment clean? I'd love to hear them!

Once a week we clean the house top to bottom:

- Change sheets

- Vacuum

- Clean bathroom, toilet and kitchen

- Dust downstairs

- Mop floor downstairs

 

Then there are a few things that get only done once a month or less like:

- cleaning the fridge/freezer

- cleaning the windows (the insides of the windows get done less frequently than the outsides)

- cleaning kitchen appliances

- dusting upstairs

...

 

It takes us 2 hours each week. The key for me is to divide each task into small sections and work my way to the next one. Like the bathroom: first section is the bath/shower, second one the sink/mirror, the third one the toilet, and the last one the floor. Dividing helps me from getting overwhelmed. And it makes it easier to pick back up if you get distracted half way (like a phone call, or you have to check social media for a minute or something ;) )

 

If you do this every week, and then one week you can't because tired/sick/dog ate your mop it's no big deal. You just have to use a little extra elbow grease the week after. 

 

Also put on music or listen to an audio book while doing your tasks. It makes the time go that much faster. 

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On 10/20/2018 at 5:19 PM, Terah said:

You don't just wear those clothes the next day? It saves so much time finding an outfit if you just have to change the shirt underneath your cardigan for instance. 

 

Well, yeah, but when time goes by I just toss the clothes on the Chair, thinking that I might still use them. Then they just pile up, which is not very sensible :D I should go over my wardrobe and make space for some new clothes, too...

 

On 10/20/2018 at 5:19 PM, Terah said:

 

Once a week we clean the house top to bottom:

- Change sheets

- Vacuum

- Clean bathroom, toilet and kitchen

- Dust downstairs

- Mop floor downstairs

 

Then there are a few things that get only done once a month or less like:

- cleaning the fridge/freezer

- cleaning the windows (the insides of the windows get done less frequently than the outsides)

- cleaning kitchen appliances

- dusting upstairs

...

 

It takes us 2 hours each week. The key for me is to divide each task into small sections and work my way to the next one. Like the bathroom: first section is the bath/shower, second one the sink/mirror, the third one the toilet, and the last one the floor. Dividing helps me from getting overwhelmed. And it makes it easier to pick back up if you get distracted half way (like a phone call, or you have to check social media for a minute or something ;) )

 

If you do this every week, and then one week you can't because tired/sick/dog ate your mop it's no big deal. You just have to use a little extra elbow grease the week after. 

 

Also put on music or listen to an audio book while doing your tasks. It makes the time go that much faster. 

 

Those are really useful tips! My apartment is a lot smaller than yours, though, and it's just me - I don't make much mess, I just sit by the computer :'D But I could make a list like that to myself to keep the apartment clean. I love taking care of my surroundings :) And I like listening to podcasts while doing the dishes! :D Thanks for the tips, you're so great :)

 

**

 

A new challenge is up!

 

 

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