Yeah ... about that ... Respawning is hard to do

[Celticdancer]

Hi everyone,

 

I was doing really well for a awhile and then I fell off the wagon: hard.

 

What went wrong:

1. My big goal was to go back to being a competitive Highland Dancer after ankle surgery.  After months and years of trying, my ankle is still not strong enough for me to dance without significant pain.  So, instead of trying to find something else, I stopped doing anything.  I figured if I couldn’t dance again, it didn’t matter and there was nothing I could do to make anything better so why bother.

2. Food: I stopped eating healthily and went extreme: food was bad.  I tried to eat as little as possible.  I lost some weight, but most of all, I just felt miserable and tired all the time.  I didn’t have the energy to work out because I wasn’t fueling my body enough.

3. Inner demons: The inner demon got vicious.  I wasn’t good enough, I didn’t make the right choices.   If I hadn’t moved here,  none of this would have happened, I would be better off moving back home where it’s safe.  I could not make it in another country and I was stupid for even trying.  I stopped carrying and felt more and more guilty about everything.  I would only leave the house for work and volunteering.  Otherwise I just stayed home and cried.

4. Going it alone - kind of.  I posted in the forums sporadically and just kind of went through the motions.

 

What will be different this time 

1. I can do things!  I can’t dance anymore, but I found that running doesn’t hurt my foot.  I’m doing my third half marathon next weekend and I hope to eventually run a marathon.

2. Food is fuel.  My body needs fuel to keep going.  Some fuel is better than others, but it is fuel.

3. My inner demons can kindly F-off.  I can do this and I will.  If things start getting bad, I have a support network that I can turn to for help.

4. Support!  It makes a huge difference.  I have accountabuddies now who also want to get fit so we can keep each other on track.

 

So, I started my first challenge and now I will see how this goes.

 

~Celticdancer

[Diadhuit]

Wow!
Giving up a dream is no easy thing. I broke my ankle years ago and I start limping as soon as I get a bit tired. And it hurts!
If you can't do Highland dancing ( I had to Google it, btw) can you do any other type?
Ceili comes to my mind as it is the one I'm trying now and it is a Celtic dance, social and not competitive.
I used food as a weapon too when I was lonely and bound at home with my cast. Food was the only 'friend' that was always there for me in this foreign country I call home. It got better when I could go out and made real friends, but I am still paying some health consequences.
Am I getting correctly that you too are an expat? Where do you live?
It takes time and a lot of self-love and self-care... and sometimes you need to cut yourself some slack and accept there will be days you cry yourself out: we are like timelords, we have two hearts. One beats for the country of origin, one for the country we live in. Yes sometimes one of the two stops beating (homesickness, fear to go back, ...) and that f*cking hurts!
Good luck!

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[Celticdancer]

22 hours ago, Diadhuit said:

Wow!
Giving up a dream is no easy thing. I broke my ankle years ago and I start limping as soon as I get a bit tired. And it hurts!
If you can't do Highland dancing ( I had to Google it, btw) can you do any other type?
Ceili comes to my mind as it is the one I'm trying now and it is a Celtic dance, social and not competitive.
I used food as a weapon too when I was lonely and bound at home with my cast. Food was the only 'friend' that was always there for me in this foreign country I call home. It got better when I could go out and made real friends, but I am still paying some health consequences.
Am I getting correctly that you too are an expat? Where do you live?
It takes time and a lot of self-love and self-care... and sometimes you need to cut yourself some slack and accept there will be days you cry yourself out: we are like timelords, we have two hearts. One beats for the country of origin, one for the country we live in. Yes sometimes one of the two stops beating (homesickness, fear to go back, ...) and that f*cking hurts!
Good luck!

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Thanks.  I’ve tried Scottish Coutnry and English country dance, but I have a hard time not being too high on my feet - which leads to pain and the dark side etc.  I need to retrain my feet not to go into their normal positions and that will take time.  Ceili dancing is a lot of fun, but again, foot retraining is a slow process.

Yes, I am an expat.  I live in Canada now.  What country do you live in?

 

[Diadhuit]

Thanks.  I’ve tried Scottish Coutnry and English country dance, but I have a hard time not being too high on my feet - which leads to pain and the dark side etc.  I need to retrain my feet not to go into their normal positions and that will take time.  Ceili dancing is a lot of fun, but again, foot retraining is a slow process.
Yes, I am an expat.  I live in Canada now.  What country do you live in?
 

Yes, I understand now. It seriously sucks
I am in Ireland (but originally from Italy).
Do you have exercises to retrain your feet?

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