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. . . .

Yeah, so, back in February, my depression and anxiety got...way out of hand, and i ran from...as many places as i could, really.
Things got really bad, and i spent a lot of time wishful-thinking about suicide.
Realized i have some resentment issues, some abandonment issues, some undefined issues.
Thoughts and feelings about the world, about myself, that i don't know what to do with yet.
There was a difficult situation in the family, and i'm wholly convinced it was God who carried us through it.

I've read some books (The Screwtape Letters, some historical fiction, some historical nonfiction), done loads of research on a wide variety of topics, finished a quilt that was started by my late grandma, been freaked out about the chocolate industry, and, for the past month, have been fostering four kittens on a part-time basis. ( that first and that last have been so helpful ) Also, mom and i started going to church again.

 

My situation hasn't really changed - i haven't contacted a doctor or gotten a job or any of the Big Things i thought i wouldn't come back until getting done. The dark thoughts still come and go, the feelings still flare up, but...it's time to try another Challenge, if the Rangers will have me back.

___________________________________________________________________________________________

 My goals are routine-based, pass-or-fail, and built on some of the things i've discovered make me feel better:

 

  • Daily Morning Stretch
  • 10 Squats each time i leave my desk
  • Daily Scripture Writing/Devotion Time
  • Memrise/Duolingo/Khan Academy Assignments
  • Workout- Final Girl from Darebee, generally.
  • Finish one writing assignment daily.
  • Minimum 3 water ( my cup is 32oz )

 

Bonus points for cutting sugar from tea

Another thing i've realized makes me feel better is, weirdly enough, fasting? Having only water/tea all day and then one good meal in the evening. But it won't be a rule so much as a guideline.


 

  • Like 2

Matthew 25:34-40

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Glad you are here,  Do you like the church you are going to? And kitties!!!  I think we need pictures of adorable foster kitties

  • Like 1

Wisdom 22.5   Dexterity 13   Charisma 15   Strength 21  Constitution-13

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind' Luke 10; 27

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2 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Welcome back. We'll always have you. One of the rules of the rebellion is if you are in, you're in for life.

 

I Agree With Tank

 

You're family, Miau. Family doesn't quit being family even if they go away for a bit. They're family for life.  :) 

 

19 minutes ago, Elastigirl said:

I think we need pictures of adorable foster kitties

 

Yes, I think we do too!!!!

 

And of course, I'm following!!

 

tenor.gif?itemid=7357576 

  • Like 2

SKY ELVENWORD NOBLEHEART

The Silver Archer, Ranger Level 53

Jesus-follower | Writer | Encourager | Resident Myers-Briggs and Enneagram Geek 

"Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people." - Fred Rogers

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2 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Welcome back. We'll always have you. One of the rules of the rebellion is if you are in, you're in for life.

 

Thank you, Chaplain Tanktimus :3

 

7 minutes ago, Elastigirl said:

Glad you are here,  Do you like the church you are going to?

 

Heyoo! It's good to hear from you :3 I do like it! We've been going there since around 2007. We've had some long absences for various reasons, and don't really 'know' anyone in the congregation aside from casual acquaintance anymore, but the pastor is excellent. He's the one pastor in this town i really trust, so to speak. The first Sunday mom and i were back, he was just starting a series on Romans, which so far has without question been things i need to hear.


 

7 minutes ago, SkyGirl said:

I Agree With Tank

 

You're family, Miau. Family doesn't quit being family even if they go away for a bit. They're family for life.  :) 

 

*clings* Thank you thank you  mellon nin!

 

29 minutes ago, Elastigirl said:

And kitties!!!  I think we need pictures of adorable foster kitties

9 minutes ago, SkyGirl said:

Yes, I think we do too!!!!

 

I'll be taking some new pictures tonight, but here's the most recent:

 

tumblr_inline_pf0yqm4uBi1uyw3yf_540.jpg

Gray: Eggroll
Black-on-Shoulder: Probably Cole
Other Black: Either Sam or Pepper
Not Pictured: Either Pepper or Sam :P

 

So, names: Sam, Cole, Pepper, and Egg.

 

  • Like 2

Matthew 25:34-40

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52 minutes ago, Miaulin said:

So, names: Sam, Cole, Pepper, and Egg.

 

Those are absolutely precious names for such TINY PRECIOUS KITTIES!!!!!!! They're so small and squiggly and snuggly!!

 

1WBH.gif 

 

How do you not just play with them all day and all night????

  • Like 1

SKY ELVENWORD NOBLEHEART

The Silver Archer, Ranger Level 53

Jesus-follower | Writer | Encourager | Resident Myers-Briggs and Enneagram Geek 

"Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people." - Fred Rogers

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5 hours ago, SkyGirl said:

 

Those are absolutely precious names for such TINY PRECIOUS KITTIES!!!!!!! They're so small and squiggly and snuggly!!

 

1WBH.gif 

 

How do you not just play with them all day and all night????

 

I can't believe how accurate that gif is. actual footage of me every time those cats so much as blink XD

Literally impossible not to play with them. They have a quota at this point! They were about three and a half weeks old or so when i got them, and at that point were juuuust beginning to show interest in toys, trying hop and wobble-run a little bit, and of course wrestle with each other...now they're seven weeks old and their favorite thing to do is race up my legs, climb everything in sight, and zoom. Eggroll in particular is a little bulldozer, especially with food. Mom calls him Fat Head :lol:

 

4 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

I hope the cats appreciated you were playing with them while wearing cat-themed clothes.

 

They sure appreciated climbing the cat-themed clothes!
Somehow all the pajamas i own have something to do with cats...except maybe the batman shirt...but there is a catwoman in the batman universe...hmmmmm....

  • Like 2

Matthew 25:34-40

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3 hours ago, Miaulin said:

I can't believe how accurate that gif is. actual footage of me every time those cats so much as blink XD

Literally impossible not to play with them. They have a quota at this point! They were about three and a half weeks old or so when i got them, and at that point were juuuust beginning to show interest in toys, trying hop and wobble-run a little bit, and of course wrestle with each other...now they're seven weeks old and their favorite thing to do is race up my legs, climb everything in sight, and zoom. Eggroll in particular is a little bulldozer, especially with food. Mom calls him Fat Head :lol:

 

By the way, "Eggroll" is absolutely the cutest name for a cat that I have ever heard in my life. They look like fluffy bundles of zenergy and awesomeness!!!

  • Like 1

SKY ELVENWORD NOBLEHEART

The Silver Archer, Ranger Level 53

Jesus-follower | Writer | Encourager | Resident Myers-Briggs and Enneagram Geek 

"Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people." - Fred Rogers

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Maiulin!  Honey am I ever glad to see you!  Been worried bout you.......Of course you’re welcome back.  The important thing is....you’re here.  You dusted off your bum and got back up.  Keep trying.  That’s all we can do.  Keep.  Trying. 

  • Like 1

 Level -20 Zombie Princess

"The only way to lose is to give up."

 -Tanktimus the Encourager

"You can't beat someone that refuses to give up”

-Björn Járnhamar

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!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

giphy.gif

 

MY GOSH DARLING is it ever good to see you back!!!!!! <333333333

 

I Agree With Tank [tm], once a Ranger, ALWAYS a Ranger, no matter what. *^_^*

 

Oh gosh KITTENS, I used to foster kitties a long time ago for a veterinarian I used to work for, MY GOSH IT IS SO HARD not to just stare at them all day, so cute, sosososocute~ ~

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Tell me, if you had the strength to take another step, could you do it?

Level ?? Bard & Monk of the Furious Heart

STR.55  DEX.43 STA.48 CON.51 WIS.53 CHA.65

 

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18 hours ago, SkyGirl said:

 

By the way, "Eggroll" is absolutely the cutest name for a cat that I have ever heard in my life. They look like fluffy bundles of zenergy and awesomeness!!!

 

Ehehe, thank you! He's the fliffiest-furred one of the bunch and also the most...well...egg-like. He's just got an eggy personality XD

The kids' names are themed after the Culper Spy Ring of the American Revolution - Sam, Cole, Pepper = Sam Culpepper, and (especially in the embellished TURN version) Eggs were used to smuggle information!

 

6 hours ago, Rinna said:

Maiulin!  Honey am I ever glad to see you!  Been worried bout you.......Of course you’re welcome back.  The important thing is....you’re here.  You dusted off your bum and got back up.  Keep trying.  That’s all we can do.  Keep.  Trying. 

 

Thank you, Rinna! I'm slowly learning not to fight the feelings so much, to just let them be and work with/around them...as many times as it takes <3

 

5 hours ago, shaar said:

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

giphy.gif

 

MY GOSH DARLING is it ever good to see you back!!!!!! <333333333

 

I Agree With Tank [tm], once a Ranger, ALWAYS a Ranger, no matter what. *^_^*

 

Oh gosh KITTENS, I used to foster kitties a long time ago for a veterinarian I used to work for, MY GOSH IT IS SO HARD not to just stare at them all day, so cute, sosososocute~ ~

 

SHAAAAAAAAAAR HELLO HI it's great to see you!

 

They really are so much fun! If things work out, i might eventually ask our vet if there's a foster program to join. These are a local stray's latest (and hopefully last, if the humane society will help get her fixed) litter. She had a minor crisis in taking care of them when they were three and a half weeks old, so we've been co-parenting ever since :D

_______________________________
 

Day 1 (Tuesday) Was mostly a win! I couldn't get Duolingo or Khan Academy to load, but i did some work on Memrise. Drank plenty of water (probably could've stood a little more tho tbh) did my Scripture reading/writing, a good many squats over the course of the day. Actual workout went better than expected, too. All the things. Didn't fast, had some leftover chickpea and broccoli casserole around 1pm and spaghetti for dinner.

 

Day 2 (Wednesday) not so much. I woke up sick and spent about two and a half hours throwing up. :'( Third time this year. Super Ready to Never Do That Again. After some water and tea (it was 78f but i was freezing) wrapped up in some blankets and Crashed. But yeah things are mostly settled down now so i'll get at least a few of my tasks done before bed. :P

  • Like 2

Matthew 25:34-40

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20 hours ago, Miaulin said:

Ehehe, thank you! He's the fliffiest-furred one of the bunch and also the most...well...egg-like. He's just got an eggy personality XD

The kids' names are themed after the Culper Spy Ring of the American Revolution - Sam, Cole, Pepper = Sam Culpepper, and (especially in the embellished TURN version) Eggs were used to smuggle information!

 

OHHHHHHHH THIS IS SO AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

20 hours ago, Miaulin said:

Day 2 (Wednesday) not so much. I woke up sick and spent about two and a half hours throwing up. :'( Third time this year. Super Ready to Never Do That Again. After some water and tea (it was 78f but i was freezing) wrapped up in some blankets and Crashed. But yeah things are mostly settled down now so i'll get at least a few of my tasks done before bed. :P

 

Nooooo, you poor thing!!! I'm so sorry!! How are you feeling today?

  • Like 1

SKY ELVENWORD NOBLEHEART

The Silver Archer, Ranger Level 53

Jesus-follower | Writer | Encourager | Resident Myers-Briggs and Enneagram Geek 

"Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people." - Fred Rogers

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3 hours ago, SkyGirl said:

 

OHHHHHHHH THIS IS SO AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

^_^ 18th Century/AmRev stuff is turning out to be the phase i'm not getting over, and it's Great. 

 

3 hours ago, SkyGirl said:

Nooooo, you poor thing!!! I'm so sorry!! How are you feeling today?

 

Much better, thanks! <3

_________________________

 

Day Two (yesterday/Wednesday) pretty much got my Scripture Writing in and that was about it. One of the kitties was a lil sick last night, so that was alarming, but he's fine now.

 

Day Three (today/Thursday) wound up being a cleaning day! Washed/Dried/Folded/Organized laundry, tided up the bookshelf, cleaned my room, scrubbed the bathtub, and most importantly? Deployed a bathbomb! This one was a shimmery 'mermaid' one that started out a soft blue but slowly turned a deep blue-green. It took a long time to fizz out, and was just the blue color for most of it, but then it got to the middle and surprise jets of green everywhere. Got my workout and shower in prior to bath, too!

 

Spoiler

42196844_2113424192041976_36331741205747


Also, Kitten Academy (nicest. youtube channel. ever.) did a livestream today so, a good good day so far :3

  • Like 2

Matthew 25:34-40

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7 hours ago, Miaulin said:

Day Three (today/Thursday) wound up being a cleaning day! Washed/Dried/Folded/Organized laundry, tided up the bookshelf, cleaned my room, scrubbed the bathtub, and most importantly? Deployed a bathbomb! This one was a shimmery 'mermaid' one that started out a soft blue but slowly turned a deep blue-green. It took a long time to fizz out, and was just the blue color for most of it, but then it got to the middle and surprise jets of green everywhere. Got my workout and shower in prior to bath, too!

 

What a great day! And WOWW, that bath bomb is AMAZING!! How lovely to have your house and yourself all clean and stretched and fresh!  :D 

  • Like 1

SKY ELVENWORD NOBLEHEART

The Silver Archer, Ranger Level 53

Jesus-follower | Writer | Encourager | Resident Myers-Briggs and Enneagram Geek 

"Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people." - Fred Rogers

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12 hours ago, SkyGirl said:

What a great day! And WOWW, that bath bomb is AMAZING!! How lovely to have your house and yourself all clean and stretched and fresh!  :D 

 

It was!  Funny thing was, my big cat, Gray Major, (the kittens' brother from two litters back, he's pushing a year and a half now) was missing for part of it, so i just knew everything would be ruined at some point...but then he came home all happy and purring, annnnnd then the day was actually finished with ice cream and generally being amazed and grateful ^_^

 

----


And Look What Got Posted Today!

 

 

This might possibly be my new favorite of Hollens' work. I didn't care much for TGS as a movie but by golly the music, and this video was wonderful. The energy is contagious.

 

So far everything's on for today (day...four?) but im also a little scrambled as far as Thinks go, and have some work to do which requires Thinks, so getting all that organized is another goal. ( gotta figure out some important plans-of-action on things, wrangle stuff from "vague concept" to that "S.M.A.R.T." concrete-goal stuff ) 

 

 On Monday i'm hoping to go into week two a lil more solid as far as longterm goals and such, babystep time is winding down.

  • Like 3

Matthew 25:34-40

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The Kitties, for anyone who wants to see them :3

 

Spoiler

Momcat Freya:

tumblr_inline_pff5ihqRIS1uyw3yf_500.jpg

Gray Major:
tumblr_inline_pff5jh0Au61uyw3yf_500.jpg
Monty-Moo:
42279806_2114475598603502_78710428156716
Sam:
42242913_2114451571939238_16170409233576
Cole:
tumblr_inline_pff5y0QIhf1uyw3yf_500.jpg
Pepper:
tumblr_inline_pff5ypUSHQ1uyw3yf_500.jpg
and
Eggy-Roll:
tumblr_inline_pff5zbsGll1uyw3yf_500.jpg

 

You can't see it in the picture, but Pepper actually has a weird toe - no fur on it.
And yes, poor Freya is the mother of all these cats, plus three more not pictured,
from two other litters before Gray Major.
But i've been in talks with the humane society to get some help getting Freya fixed and,
hopefully her sons as well. (plus find proper Forever Homes for the kittens)
(although mom wants to keep Egg forever herself XD)

 

  • Like 2

Matthew 25:34-40

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6 hours ago, Miaulin said:

The Kitties, for anyone who wants to see them :3

 

  Reveal hidden contents

Momcat Freya:

tumblr_inline_pff5ihqRIS1uyw3yf_500.jpg

Gray Major:
tumblr_inline_pff5jh0Au61uyw3yf_500.jpg
Monty-Moo:
42279806_2114475598603502_78710428156716
Sam:
42242913_2114451571939238_16170409233576
Cole:
tumblr_inline_pff5y0QIhf1uyw3yf_500.jpg
Pepper:
tumblr_inline_pff5ypUSHQ1uyw3yf_500.jpg
and
Eggy-Roll:
tumblr_inline_pff5zbsGll1uyw3yf_500.jpg

 

You can't see it in the picture, but Pepper actually has a weird toe - no fur on it.
And yes, poor Freya is the mother of all these cats, plus three more not pictured,
from two other litters before Gray Major.
But i've been in talks with the humane society to get some help getting Freya fixed and,
hopefully her sons as well. (plus find proper Forever Homes for the kittens)
(although mom wants to keep Egg forever herself XD)

 

 

Ibk.gif

 

THEY ARE SO FRIGGIN CUTE

SQUEEEEEEE

 

I WANT TO KISS THEM ALL

 

2 hours ago, Miaulin said:

GUYS I'm DOING IT. I'M DRINKING TEA WITH NO SUGAR IN IT, AND NOT HATING IT. DOES THIS MEAN I'M REALLY A GROWNUP NOW

(nevermind that i'm eating a waffle and jam with it, that's, psh, that means nothing)

 

Hey, good for you!! That's a big adjustment!!

 

9 hours ago, Miaulin said:

It was!  Funny thing was, my big cat, Gray Major, (the kittens' brother from two litters back, he's pushing a year and a half now) was missing for part of it, so i just knew everything would be ruined at some point...but then he came home all happy and purring, annnnnd then the day was actually finished with ice cream and generally being amazed and grateful ^_^

 

That sounds like a simply fantastic end to the day!! I don't know what I'd have done either if Gray Major were lost!

SKY ELVENWORD NOBLEHEART

The Silver Archer, Ranger Level 53

Jesus-follower | Writer | Encourager | Resident Myers-Briggs and Enneagram Geek 

"Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people." - Fred Rogers

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3 hours ago, Miaulin said:

GUYS I'm DOING IT. I'M DRINKING TEA WITH NO SUGAR IN IT, AND NOT HATING IT. DOES THIS MEAN I'M REALLY A GROWNUP NOW

(nevermind that i'm eating a waffle and jam with it, that's, psh, that means nothing)

I drink tea with no sugar.

I eat waffles with Jam on them.

I am a grownup.

 

You are a grownup.

  • Like 3

Current Challenge

"By the Most-Righteous-and-Blessed Beard of Sir Tanktimus the Encourager!" - Jarl Rurik Harrgath

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On 9/21/2018 at 5:20 PM, Miaulin said:

GUYS I'm DOING IT. I'M DRINKING TEA WITH NO SUGAR IN IT, AND NOT HATING IT. DOES THIS MEAN I'M REALLY A GROWNUP NOW

(nevermind that i'm eating a waffle and jam with it, that's, psh, that means nothing)

 

Tea must be sweetened, with something, imo.  But, I have a sweettooth.  And waffles need jam.  Otherwise it’s just bread.

  • Like 1

 Level -20 Zombie Princess

"The only way to lose is to give up."

 -Tanktimus the Encourager

"You can't beat someone that refuses to give up”

-Björn Járnhamar

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On 9/21/2018 at 9:21 PM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

I drink tea with no sugar.

I eat waffles with Jam on them.

I am a grownup.

 

You are a grownup.

 

*high fives for grownupness*
maybe next i'll file a tax or something ;)

(no but waffles + jam is the best thing it took me over 20 years of life to even discover. it's so good.)

 

On 9/24/2018 at 9:15 AM, Rinna said:

 

Tea must be sweetened, with something, imo.  But, I have a sweettooth.  And waffles need jam.  Otherwise it’s just bread.

 

I haven't quite decided yet, but am kind of liking it both ways. Mostly i just wanted to see if i could drink it sans-sweet. But fully agree about the waffles. A good jam on them is even better than maple syrup. (pls don't be mad maple syrup i still love you!)

Waffles as just bread do make for a pretty good sandwich though!

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

blurg blurg blurg i just came back and already fell off the challenge a bit, but it's fine. we've been a little tight between grocery trips. got the Thinks going but not yet aligned to be written down in my great big book of all the things. Have gotten my workouts in, water, scripture writing...also getting a lot of reading done, not much other writing just yet.

 

oh! one thing i forgot to mention is that sometime in the past few months, i actually did some drawing!

 

Spoiler

37214897_2007323219318741_68436332949746

 

37161236_2003972886320441_44852759654458

 

  • Like 3

Matthew 25:34-40

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finally got groceries yesterday :') i got some frozen berries to try broadening my smoothie-making horizons. Also found a big bag of ethically-sourced cacao powder, which was nice. It was weird actually buying groceries after about three months now of just kind of grabbing random things on a tighter budget than normal, got all sorts of greenery and even some quinoa to try. A few weeks of salads, veggie bowls, and smoothies sounds great.

 

nothing to really report. doing all the things. did lots of work yesterday, and of course played with the cats :3

 

*currently sipping wowbutter/cacao smoothie* ....i think this cacao stuff really is stronger than cocoa. o-O

 

Will update goals soon. There's a Big Thing related to any/all goals i might ever have, that i should probably come clean about in order to actually get it done, but i gotta work up the nerve.

  • Like 3

Matthew 25:34-40

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Ooo, I've never had cacao before!  At least, when it's not in a chocolate bar, ehehe......

 

23 hours ago, Miaulin said:

Will update goals soon. There's a Big Thing related to any/all goals i might ever have, that i should probably come clean about in order to actually get it done, but i gotta work up the nerve.

 

Gentle reminder that we are always here for you, no matter what, 100%, no, 200%, and always always are on your side. <3  

  • Like 2

Tell me, if you had the strength to take another step, could you do it?

Level ?? Bard & Monk of the Furious Heart

STR.55  DEX.43 STA.48 CON.51 WIS.53 CHA.65

 

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