Finding my true self

[Asher-x31]

Hello there! 

 

My name's Emily/Ed/Grimmi - and I've gotten quite tired of living how i currently am. I want to have an amazing story to tell where the life i'm living now is the life i get to tell people I overcame. 

 

I'm 31 years old, just graduated college with a Bachelor's in Fine Arts - so i'm also unemployed, naturally. I'm looking for jobs and keep getting turned down. Living with parents because i'm absolutely poor and hopeless. On top of that I battle depression, anxiety and a few other fun things. I'm really overweight and inactive, scared to leave my room, and trying to find a way out that doesn't end with death. Life has been throwing all kinds of balls at me, with my girlfriend being hospitalized and my life just trying to crumble beneath me. Life isn't fun for me, it's a chore. 

 

My goals are basically : 

- Learn to live like a human (eating regularly, good hygiene, etc)

- Get moving and stay moving

- Find my strength and confidence

 

I've got a tiny dream of running and hopefully i'll be able to get to the point where I can. I want to start being the change in my life instead of just waiting for things to get better.

[Jean]

Hey, welcome on track!

 

Glad you've decided to turn things over, having a story to tell is also a big part of what drives me forward. The way to fight against 'how could I show myself in public when I'm such a wreak?' that works for me is to consider the alternative: being a wreak all by myself, staying in my room, dying and smelling until someone discovers me. Whereas getting outside, accepting what I am as a starting point and trying to move forward sure feels crappy at the beginning but if I really do give myself a chance to get better, that's a story worth telling in the end.

 

Hope you'll have fun on your journey and never hesitate to ring when you need it.

[TimovieMan]

Welcome!

 

Take it one small step at a time.

 

If the thought of stepping outside in public scares you, start by taking some small steps in nutrition and start with bodyweight exercises you can all do indoors.
When you start seeing results of the things you do, you'll automatically gain more confidence, which will make the public appearances less frightening.

 

Keep at it, and after a while you'll look back and see just what it is you've achieved simply by taking one small step at a time!

[Asher-x31]

6 hours ago, Jean said:

Hey, welcome on track!

 

Glad you've decided to turn things over, having a story to tell is also a big part of what drives me forward. The way to fight against 'how could I show myself in public when I'm such a wreak?' that works for me is to consider the alternative: being a wreak all by myself, staying in my room, dying and smelling until someone discovers me. Whereas getting outside, accepting what I am as a starting point and trying to move forward sure feels crappy at the beginning but if I really do give myself a chance to get better, that's a story worth telling in the end.

 

Hope you'll have fun on your journey and never hesitate to ring when you need it.

 

Thank you so much! This actually inspired me a lot. I think a lot that I'm just a blob sitting here -- but really... i'm the one doing that to myself. I never thought of my time outside and doing stuff as my starting point though... it could really help my anxiety. I just have to keep my story in mind

 

 

2 hours ago, TimovieMan said:

Welcome!

 

Take it one small step at a time.

 

If the thought of stepping outside in public scares you, start by taking some small steps in nutrition and start with bodyweight exercises you can all do indoors.
When you start seeing results of the things you do, you'll automatically gain more confidence, which will make the public appearances less frightening.

 

Keep at it, and after a while you'll look back and see just what it is you've achieved simply by taking one small step at a time!

 

Oh gosh i'm trying. Haha i'm starting out small as I can because warming up to all of this is hard for me. Still! What you said really helped, makes me think that I really can take things in small steps and make bigger ones happen. Thanks a lot !

[Jean]

56 minutes ago, Grimmi said:

I just have to keep my story in mind

 

The cool thing about stories is that they have dark and very sad parts too. Some of the most emotional pieces of music I've heard are sad emotional backgrounds for deeply moving movies. And it's part of the story. We don't know how the story goes, how it bumps back, how joyful some of it can be until we live it (some of the most emotional pieces of music I've heard are also happy emotional backgrounds). We have to be curious and turn each page to see what could well be after it.

 

Also, Eric Thomas (link to a youtube video of parts of his speeches). This guy's speeches have put me back on my knees when I was at the bottom of the hole and helped me to gather the strength to go through the darkest parts of my life. I'm glad I've been through it, and I'm glad I'm out of this forest and more in the open now.

 

It's all about the story, and enjoying the moment, even when it hurts, because the moment is part of the story and it gives meaning to the whole, whatever you're living right now.

 

Have fun on your way, I'm sure it's worth it.

 

[Katerina]

Hi, Grimmi!

 

Congrats on the recent degree! 

 

I am sorry that life is being discourteous at the moment, but you can do this! If it is of any consolation, at 31 I was a recent divorcee returning to school to get my bachelors. I also had to live with my parents. But I finished (like you have), and while there were some challenges I would rather not have encountered, I am still standing and (in many ways) am better for it. If I can do it, so can you! 

 

Welcome, and Game On!