Hard to admit but I need help

[Tehya]

I have always been the type of person so says "I got this" even when I have no clue as to how to do it or even start.  I am not the type of person to ask for help - in an circumstance.  Lately in life - like the last 3 years - I have really been needing to swallow my pride.... eh not quite the right word... stubbornness (there we go!) and have been asking for help with matters going on in my personal life.  So now here I am, on this site AGAIN - I keep losing my way but keep coming back - trying to lose weight.  Every time I come back I say "This time will be different.  This time I am going to...."  I can't do that any more.  I have to make this time my final time.  I have to stop looking at the end goal and getting frustrated that I am not getting there.  I have to learn to nibble.  I have come to realize that if I can't get my weight down by changing everything about me, then my next logical step will to be have surgery.  I really don't want to go through that surgery alone, which is what  it would be.  That's a whole different thing I need to work on also.

 

BUT anywho....  I am here in this thread to ask for help on the easiest ways to learn to change a diet and start exercising to lose weight.  Simple most people say cut out the carbs, right?  So no bread or pasta?  lol  I already have.  It was a few years ago, the first time I joined this site actually, that I figured out - and I do mean I, not a doctor or any sort of medical testing - that I have a gluten intolerance.  I can have one item per day that consists of anything with gluten or else 3 days later, I end up with a headache that lasts 3 days and nothing will touch.  I have been tested for Celiac's but the test came back negative.  I have no money for a gym membership or to buy weights of any sort so any time of workout has to be cardio or with body weight.

 

So now the fun part - time to talk about me.  Can't you hear the sarcasm in my writing?  I am almost 41 - end of the month actually.  I have pretty much .... no not pretty much, I have no one around me to support me on doing this so it will all be sure will power to get me to where I want to be. That's not something I am actually very good at so maybe someone can find it in their heart to help me accountable?  I work in fast food - Not to ashamed to say that its not my dream job but I do love it. (Taco Bell)  So I am around not really healthy food 5 days a week 10 hours per day.  I have patella-femoral syndrome - something I call banana knee - in both knees.  I have plantar fasciitis in both feet, but worse in my left one.  I have had foot and knee surgeries.  I most of my weight is carried around my stomach.  I have "manly" legs because I have large thigh and calf muscles. (At one point I tried maxing out on a leg press and it was 400 pounds).  ummmmmmmm .... yeah so that is me.

 

Any one have thougths, suggestions, questions?

 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

I think one thing you have discovered is that dieting just doesn't work. Have you heard of the book Intuitive Eating? It may be helpful for you.

[Tehya]

I have never heard of the book.  I will need to look into that.

[Defining]

Easiest way to do this is to ignore your 'outcome goals', and focus on routines and behavioural goals. You can make a vision board if that helps with inspiration/motivation, but working towards a 'must lose x pounds' or 'be x dress size' goal is a great recipe for disaster.

 

Here are some example behavioural goals you could work on:

Eat at least 5 vegetable servings a day

Don't drink any caloric beverages (eg. sugar in coffee, soda, etc)

Walk outside for a minimum of 30min a day

Eat at least 100g of protein every day

Limit added sugars (you'll have to check nutritional panels & ingredients lists, it's everywhere) to 25g a day

Limit starchy foods to 2 servings a day

Eat at least 6 cups of beans a week

Drink at least 40oz of water every day

etc.

 

That way, you can get positive feedback and feel good about hitting your goal, EVERY DAY - plus, these are things you have control over, so there's nothing stopping you from successfully meeting these goals on a regular basis. It also helps to redesign your environment, to help keep to these goals - that could mean cleaning out your fridge/cupboards and starting fresh only buying the groceries you need for the week so you don't have any junk food around. Or it could be giving yourself a rule that you're not allowed to eat any food from work. Or it could be laying out sneakers and yoga pants at night so you'll go for a walk first thing in the morning. Lots of different options, just set yourself up for success!

 

Have you heard the saying 'abs are made in the kitchen'? That just means that fat loss is most easily accomplished through dietary methods, rather than working out 20hrs a week - so focus on getting in healthy food in appropriate portions! IMO, protein intake can also really help with fat loss and dealing with cravings, a minimum of about 0.8g of protein/lb of bodyweight is a good starting point, unless you're adding resistance training (at which point, I like 1g/lb of bodyweight).  Personally, if I were you, I'd probably work out your TDEE, and create a weekly meal plan (for ALL your meals every day, for 7 full days) that fit appropriate intake and macros (eg. if your TDEE is 1,800kcal/day, build in a 300kcal deficit for ~1/2lb loss a week, which would be 1,500kcal/day or just over 10k a week). That way, you don't need to calculate how much you're eating every day, you already know what the numbers are for the week! It also helps with prepping and keeping things in budget.

 

If you'd still like to do some physical exercise, this is a great 'no equipment' workout to start with: https://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/beginner-body-weight-workout-burn-fat-build-muscle/  Walking is also a brilliant option. You could just start with walking everyday - once you're able to walk steadily without stopping for an hour, the C25k program would be a good next step. 

 

Ignore your weight entirely for now, and keep girth measurements (bust, shoulders, hips, neck, and thighs/biceps if you want) once a week with a cloth tape measure - if the numbers are going down, it means you're losing fat!

 

8 hours ago, Tehya said:

I have come to realize that if I can't get my weight down by changing everything about me, then my next logical step will to be have surgery.  I really don't want to go through that surgery alone, which is what  it would be.  That's a whole different thing I need to work on also.

Do you have someone around to talk to about this? Either a professional or a friend? Because it needs to be addressed - bariatric surgery is a life-altering procedure, with it's own set of prerequisites and challenges; it's not an 'end game solution'. And you don't need to change everything about yourself - you just need to work on increasing the quality of your self care; that includes stuff like eating well, moving regularly, using positive self talk, getting at least 6-8hrs of sleep every night, etc.

 

You've got this; make small changes, focus on habits not weight, accept that it'll take some time to start seeing results, and love yourself.

[Tehya]

1 hour ago, Defining said:

Do you have someone around to talk to about this? Either a professional or a friend? Because it needs to be addressed - bariatric surgery is a life-altering procedure, with it's own set of prerequisites and challenges; it's not an 'end game solution'. And you don't need to change everything about yourself - you just need to work on increasing the quality of your self care; that includes stuff like eating well, moving regularly, using positive self talk, getting at least 6-8hrs of sleep every night, etc.

 

You've got this; make small changes, focus on habits not weight, accept that it'll take some time to start seeing results, and love yourself.

I have looked into this several times.  I know its a major life altering and not an "end game solution."  However, when I have tried exercise, eating healthy, prescribed med, in the past and get to a point where I can not lose any more weight, I want to have a plan B in place.    Right now my plan is to listen to all advice on here and try it all until nothing works OR I get to my goal.  Some of what you said that I needed to focus on is part of what the myfitness app does for me.  I already dread seeing how many calories I am eating a day, so planning them out in advance probably isn't the best idea for me, at least right now.  

 

I will look at the body weight workout that Steve has on here and I am going to work on going for 30 minute walks on a daily basis. Getting that much sleep is hard most of the time for me.  My body decides - no matter how tired I am - that after a certain number of hours or at a certain time, I am going to wake up.  My work schedule doesn't help much because there is no rhyme or reason to it.  For example this week.  I work 6 am to 4 pm on Friday, 5pm to 3am Saturday, 4pm to 2am Sunday and Monday, Noon to 10pm on Tuesday.

 

Being homeless also kinda limits what food I have around me.  It also limits what I eat.  I can either eat out - which is what happens most of them time - eat what ever the person I am staying with is eating - doesn't do healthy - or ask if its okay for me to cook food.  

[Harriet]

I'm sorry you don't have anyone around to help support you, and that you don't have a permanent home at the moment. That must make things considerably harder. I agree with Defining that behavioural goals can be less frustrating than scale-based goals. I also more or less agree on their list of possible goals. Except for the beans. I wouldn't start eating six cups of beans per week if, like many people, you don't usually eat beans at all – they could cause some bloating and discomfort at first.

 

(This is how I felt after starting to eat beans regularly)

 

I think that the first things to try would be focusing on quality protein & vegetables at every or almost every meal (you said you already cut out refined carbs, if I understand right), eliminating added sugar and liquid calories, improving sleep if possible (I know you said it's hard, but perhaps you can brainstorm some ways to make your sleep better quality or more consistent), and trying a few different types of exercise to see what you like or at least can stick with. If you have foot and knee pain, I guess bodyweight exercises might be better than long walks, which would probably aggravate the plantar fasciitis. Is it really out of the question to ask the person you're staying with if you can cook? That would be helpful, I think. 

I personally wouldn't want to count all my calories and macros for the week and plan everything out – that would drive me crazy. You may like the more planned approach, it's a matter of preference. But if you don't want to plan everything, counting calories and macros from your most commonly cooked meals at least every now and again would help you develop a feeling for good portions & ratios of foods. Good luck. I really hope you find someone in real life who can support your goals too. Maybe there's someone else at work who's interested in fitness, or maybe there are fitness groups nearby? 

[Tehya]

Even though I have a scale based goal, I don't have a scale easily accessible to me so its more like "Okay I've lost some weight, time to stop at a dr office for the use of the scale because my cloths are starting to fall off me."  Type of judgement I am using.  

 

I drink water, juice, tea, and at work flavored tea.  Once in a while coffee with sugar added but not often.

 

Sleep - I let my body pretty much tell me how much and when I am going to sleep.  Some days it works better than others.     Long walks don't bother my feet as long as I have my insoles in my shoes - remember I'm on my feet 8 to 12 hours a day for work already.  And YES it is kinda out of the question.  I cooked a steak last night, and I didn't put water in a hot pan due to it causing it to warp.  He just told me to do it because the pan won't warp.  This is the same person who when we went out to eat last night - or tried to - he wanted to go to a pizza place knowing I can't do bread.

 

With using myfitnesspal, I don't have to count anything.  I just have to log in everything I eat.  It forces me to actually read the labels for portioning sizes more also, so that way I like it.  I can - if its processed - scan a bar code and enter how many portions I eat.  Quick and simple.

 

I think my support system - in all honesty - is going to come from NF.

[Harriet]

Okay, I don't really understand about the frying pan. But it sounds like your housemate is not very supportive. Is there a microwave? There are a few things you can make with no cooking or minimal cooking in the microwave that are nevertheless healthier than takeaway. One of my staples is cottage cheese with fresh fruit. It would also be possible to make a salad with tinned chickpeas, which taste okay cold, unlike other beans (just my opinion). Tins of tuna could be combined with vegetables like capsicum. You could have lunch meat and hummus with cut up carrots and celery. It might be possible to make steel cut oats in the microwave – I haven't tried it myself – which would be better than more refined cereal options for breakfast. I've even read that it's possible to cook eggs in the microwave. Then you might just have to choose the healthiest option when it has to be takeaway. Many takeaway places offer salads, and I'm pretty sure Steve has written that he often gets chipotle (but with no wrap or whatever). Anyway, if your clothes are falling off, it seems like you're doing well with weight loss, so I'm not sure what else to write. Maybe you want to join a 4 week challenge or keep a battle log to keep yourself motivated. Good luck.

[Dark Artemis]

First I want to say this. It is unfortunate about your current living situation. I am glad to you are focusing on taking care of yourself and reaching out for help I know it can be hard. Also I am sorry that you do not have people that are immediately close to you that are supportive of your goals.

Keep focus on your goals you got this. When your able prepare food for yourself I would agree focus on quality proteins and vegetables while minimizing added sugar.

 

These are my tips for eating healthy and balanced no matter where your journey leads because situations can change and these are things I make sure I have on hand. 

 

I would try to find a thermos (preferable microwavable one at the thrift or second hand store) and water bottle. Why because there are lot of healthy recipes out there that you can cook in a thermos (I work in Security- I look for portable) and most places have free water (it also helps you avoid sugary drinks).

Things that I keep on that shelf stable and healthy I would keep.

 

For protein:

Tuna or salmon pouches (unflavored tends to be lowering sodium)

Peanut Butter(or PB powder (you can just add water and has less sugar than traditional))

String cheese (it last longer refrigerated but it is very portable)

For Vegetables:

I go with low sodium canned ones

But fresh is always the way to go.(my go to at work is either hummus and carrots or PB and celery(portability reasons))

Grains/Starches:

Quaker makes a gluten free unsweetened hot cereal (oatmeal) in single serving packs 

-Rice and Beans.

Fruits:

If I cannot get fresh fruit I go with plain unsweetened applesauce (Walmart and Aldi have the best brands)

 

After all you got this... focus on the habits and not the weight... There is nothing you cannot do.

 

[janedrake53]

Almost tried every fitness app imaginable, but the only thing that worked for me is yo just get out of the house everyday, every morning, either for run or go to the gym (Doing push/pull/cardio split). I stopped doing any exercise in the house, there's just too much distractions and the fact that the fridge is just a walk a way. I really made it habit to sweat out outside the house. Nutrition is a tricky part, and I'm not the one who completely rid of carbs, it's actually not good, at least for me. I actually follow the 1.healthy fats (avocadoes, nuts, fish), 2.protein (chicken), 3.carbs (sweet potatoes) formula everytime I prepare my meals. I'll admit I'm always on the lookout for recipes to vary the taste and have variation in the palate, at least that's how I work on the nutrition part.

[Guzzi]

There’s a lot of good advice in here already and I don’t want to throw even more at you, but I’m struck by the fact that you said you keep starting, then losing your way, and that you need to change everything about yourself.  This makes me want to ask - are you trying to change too much?  I know from experience that making big changes can seem like the thing to do, and in the short term you can see fantastic results, but they are often unsustainable long term. 

 

Back in the Good Old Days the challenges were 6 weeks long, not four weeks, because that’s about how long it takes for a change to become something you do habitually and it could be that you’re not giving yourself time to really get to grips with each change before you try to make another.  I’ve seen a lot of people take part in the challenges over the years and the most important piece of advice I give to people starting out on their first challenge is usually “make your goals smaller”.  We all try to change too much, too soon, and then usually burn out at some point (and feel like we’ve failed).   Could this possibly be why you keep stalling?

 

I know what it’s like to have a LOT of weight to lose, but I also know how dangerous it is to make weight loss the primary goal of your journey.  I would say that I was definitely heading towards an eating disorder during my first weight loss cycle, and at the time I thought I was doing so well, getting healthy even!  **shudder**

 

Anyway, I’m about the same age as you and although my goals aren’t really about weight loss these days I’ve still got a loooooooooong way to go to get back to being fit and healthy!  So if you want an accountability buddy then hit me up, coz God knows I need a kick up the ass myself right now and could do with having a tag-team partner.  

[Rebel Dan]

A lot of good advice here.

 

Only thing I would like to add - is to start VERY SMALL...

 

If you go into trying to change your life by adding in 15-25 changes all at once, most people will not be very successful long term.

 

I would suggest picking 1-5 things at a time.. and do each of those things at a level that seems insignificant.

 

What I mean is ... if you think you should be walking 30 minutes a day.. start with 5 minutes.

 

If you think you should eating 5 servings a vegetables a day... start with 1 serving.

 

If you think you should be getting 8 hours of sleep a night instead of 5... start with 5.5 hours.

 

Hopefully this helps.. this idea is starting small so you can be 100% compliant, and with the goal that whatever change it is your making stays permanent.

 

Once you have mastered, for instance, walking 5 minutes everyday, and it become automatic push it up to 10 minutes. Then once you mastered the 10 minute daily walk, push it up to 15.. ect ect ect................................... if it takes you weeks or even months before you feel comfortable committing to the 10 minute walk..  that is perfectly fine. The important thing is knowing your making progress building the habit.... changing your life.

 

What your changing, and how much your changing it is less important than building the habit of actually doing the thing that is going to help you.

 

For me, this mindset, and starting very small is what has helped me start to get out of my problems... I know this system makes things take longer, but the nice thing is, progress is always being made, so it when you think about it like that it really doesn't matter how long it takes. IF you lost 10lbs a YEAR would you consider that a failure? Not me, because 10lbs a year means in 5 years id have lost 50lbs in 10 year I could lose 100lbs.. now those 10lbs a year doesn't seem so small right?  When you think long term with small permanent changes. Time goes by no matter what we do, nothing we can do to stop it, may as well improve ourselves with that time, one small permanent change at a time.

[Guzzi]

8 hours ago, Rebel Dan said:

A lot of good advice here.

 

Only thing I would like to add - is to start VERY SMALL...

 

If you go into trying to change your life by adding in 15-25 changes all at once, most people will not be very successful long term.

 

This is basically what I tell any new rebel doing a challenge for the first time, because it works.  I think most of us have this rush of enthusiasm/motivation at the start that makes us think we can do all these things (and keep them up!) but that never lasts.  

 

I read all Steve’s advice about making small, sustainable changes when I joined but I guess I didn’t really understand what he meant by small or sustainable because I still set my goals as “eat 100% paleo” and “work out 3x a week” even though I’d never even tried the paleo diet, and was very, very unfit at the time.  (I’m not very bright!)

 

I learned through failure though, and now I have much more realistic expectations of what I can achieve.  The other thing I try to get across to newbies is that failing is not failure, it’s just a learning experience.  As Thomas Edison said “I haven’t failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”