Bean Sidhe Vs Chaos - Keep trying

[Bean Sidhe]

I am back, sorry for the absence.

Life got weird and then I managed to take almost 2 days off....
 

 

I know, its crazy.

Here is the break down of the last few days.

 

Thursday went really well actually. So big thing here was I got stuck at work. I finished up, with about 45 minutes before I had to get Eldest Agent. The problem is, had I driven home, I would have had to turn around and drive literally 5 minutes away from my office. Instead I packed my stuff up, and I went for a 2 mile walk around campus. it was a good walk and I felt good. I walked part of the route we would be taking for our 5K on Saturday. I got all 30 points, but I didn't finish my study guide for the midterm like I meant to, but had planned to get up early.

 

Friday, I was suppose to get up early and study. Parent teacher conference for one, Had to address some of the issues Youngest Agent was having with other people, then off to the 6 parent teacher conferences for the other Agent (this took about 4 hours). And I had to work, so we got that done. Then we got home, and it was less then 10 minutes before one of Eldest Agent's friends stop by. This whole time, I am trying to prepare for my midterm. I let the kids have a bit and then took the 3 hour midterm. Not sure how it went. After however, I was so keyed up at 8 pm that all I could do was the "I bet I got that wrong, and that and that." I am hoping to see a grade on this today. However, I ate dinner after Eldest Agent and Hubby got me settled a bit and went to bed.  This was a very stressful day. I was so emotionally drained since I hate parent teacher conferences since we have had more than our fair share of "Okay, so we need to talk about." By the time I got settled, I was just spent. I knew all of this was happening so I planned Friday as a "no challenge" day since my brain just wouldn't of handled it. That being said, I still got like 17.5 pts.

 

Saturday, we got up a bit later than we meant to and had to rush to the 5K. Youngest agent and I did okay. This is a timed run 5K. Well, we haven't really ever run it. However, we walked and the best part here is... WE WEREN'T the last ones. Generally, I am the one with the car right behind me as I cross the finish line. I have not seen my official time, but it was about 55 minutes. I know that doesn't sound as fast for some of the runners, but for a walker, that's a good 17 minutes mile. This may be a PR for the 2 of us.  After that, we had some errrands to run, then lunch and then came home and again were home like 5 minutes before extra kids appeared. However, Hubby cleared them off the video games and said "you have no homework, take the rest of the day and relax" so what was suppose to be like an hour of video games became most of the day. I did hit my 10,500 and went to bed a bit early.  Again a planned "no challenge" day since we decided it was a "day off"

Sunday was another up and RUN day. we had to get to the grocery store, come back put food away, go back out and get cat food and meet family for a lunch out. Do another errand and then we came back. I got the plants finally in homes. The trees got bigger than usual this year and we had to come up with all new places for them to hang out. Then I had to repot a few things that were just not okay in their pots anymore. I also checked and no one had posted any homework yet. Thing is, we have family coming in Friday so I was planning on spending Sunday getting ahead... It never happened. So a bit more video games and an early to bed happened. This should have been a challenge day, but I just didn't. I was so thrown off by the fact nothing was posted, I honestly couldn't really get my brain to function on anything else. I did go to bed early, but I couldn't sleep. I had a hard time getting my head to shut up.

 

I am hoping someone posts something today so I can stop flipping out. I mean I have a houseful starting on Friday with Chosen family and one class has homework due Saturday night. Ugh.. Here is to hoping I can figure out what my week looks like. Oh and they grade my midterm since I am really afraid I bombed it. So yeah, I took a day off mostly. I am still tired and I kinda wish I had done more this weekend, but its done so time to go from here.

[Bean Sidhe]

Well, there was good news.

And then reality hit. I am actually at work and not suppose to be posting here, but kinda need to.
 

In one of my labs, we have a small Zoo... Birds, lizards ect. Last week, one of the 2 birds passed after having lost a fight with the other one. Yep, more death around here. Not a big thing, I still haven't told Agents, but she wasn't a "favorite"

I came in this morning and found one of the favorites, a bearded dragon, looking wrong. I got my boss (who is the keeper of them) and it looks like either the heater died over the weekend or someone turned it off. More death. She was a sweet dragon, and friendly. The dragon was a HUGE favorite and the reason that Youngest Agent wants one. And it stinks. I started crying to an instructor (I have known her since I was in college here almost 20 years ago) about I am tired of death and kinda broke down. But more, I am sitting here crying because I now get to tell the Agents about 2 more deaths. And thinking about Sister M and why death is following me.  Time to pull myself back together.

 

So yea, I am in a great head space now. And I still have like 3+ hours.

A few good days, then reality hits. And no homework listed yet.

[Lateral Planet]

Oh no, so sad about the animals! I love bearded dragons, we used to get them visiting in our backyard all the time when I was a teenager. Hang in there *hugs*

 

Also I really just popped in to say well done on the 5K! It sounded like you enjoyed yourself and felt accomplished. 55 minutes is a really fast walk, good on you!

[fleaball]

Sending more hugs Bean. 

 

Sounds like you handled Ford the weekend reasonably well despite the crazy. Sorry Monday was extra crap.

[Bean Sidhe]

On 10/17/2018 at 5:01 PM, fleaball said:

I think it's good that you're recognizing this though! If you can pull it all off without killing yourself, awesome. If not, it's a million percent okay to scale it back if you need to. Life may not be easy, but there's no reason to make it extra hard either.

 

I may be recognizing it, which is still a step. However, more than likely my stupid "I just need to pile more on because then people like me" kicks in and I do all the things and then some. I dunno. I am kinda hoping that I figure out a balance (or I make it through all this college BS without losing what is left of my sanity)

 

On 10/17/2018 at 5:01 PM, fleaball said:

 

Ugh. Hugs. Dental shit isn't fun in general, but it's so unnecessary when people are like "sure I'll change my schedule for you but I'll bitch about it the whole time!" Either don't change it, or don't bitch. It's not that hard.  So boo at your dentist. (You're probably not the only one she does this to either. I guarantee it.) 

 

Thanks, I really don't like this place. I didn't like them the first time I sat there and they said "You have this issue in your mouth. We are going to leave you in this room alone to watch a 30 minute video on it while we go help other patients" and I was alone because I thought I was going in for a half hour to hour appointment to just meet them and get a few ideas. 4 hours later I left with a surgery date and still rather confused about what was going on, but crying pretty hard.  Another time I asked about a Water pik thing... They showed me a 10 minute commercial instead of talking to me.  I will take my regular dentist who will pull up a  chair and explain whats going on thanks.

 

On 10/17/2018 at 5:01 PM, fleaball said:

Is there a way you can get the day off from garden club? There's a teacher and someone else involved right? Remind yourself that your health is just as important as everything else that's happening and say "hey garden people, I'm having a bunch of dental shit done that day and it's the only time the dentist can see me so I'm not gonna be able to make it that day except to pick up kids afterwards. You're all competent garden people and I know you can handle it without me this time." Or something similar that you're more comfortable saying. Just present it as something out of your control ("dentist makes the rules, not me") and let them figure it out from there. I know this is easier said than done but I hope you can make the anxiety go away. 

 

Sadly I doubt I can get the day off garden club. Right now, Garden club is me, one teacher and 40+ students. (this is down from when we had 90+ students). Part of me thinks it might be good to go and get my head off the BS of Dentist. I usually walk out of there either Mad that they are jerks or defeated because I am apparently suppose to spend almost an hour 3-4 times a day on my teeth. and they never say "good job" they say "You didn't do these things"

 

On 10/17/2018 at 5:01 PM, fleaball said:

I'll play whack-a-troll for you if you can't.  You're gonna be okay, Bean. You're exhausted, you're stressed, and you need sleep and a vacation. Your brain is going a million miles an hour all the time. (I made 3 typos in that sentence if it makes you feel better.) It's totally normal to be feeling the way you are. More hugs for you.

 

Thanks, I needed that. I knew it was stress, but we all have moments. Plus the typos were worse that day because I was thinking of it. I am back to normal here, but whack a troll is appreciated.

 

On 10/17/2018 at 5:01 PM, fleaball said:

Way to go! Take your wins where you can get them. Avoiding it for a few days and taking a smaller piece than you wanted are both wins, especially considering how drained you are. I promise you I'd've taken the whole thing and locked myself in an office while I scarfed it.

This was the only day that I had a piece of cookie cake so i will call it a win. In fact, I still haven't had any other stupid sugar. Thats a win right?

[Bean Sidhe]

On 10/17/2018 at 10:12 PM, fleaball said:

 

Wanted to sad-react your post because of everything exploding but I had to like it because of this: 

 

Thanks, I needed that lately.

 

On 10/17/2018 at 10:12 PM, fleaball said:

This is hella important and you need to teach me your ways.

 

I wish I could. I think that day I was just like "who cares anymore" so I went with it. Wish I could say the same on a regular basis.

 

On 10/17/2018 at 10:12 PM, fleaball said:

 

(Also I will not be offended if you don't reply to the other post immediately. Promise. <3 )

 

Thanks for understanding about me not replying. Weekends are so much harder for me to do stuff. But I did get you a reply.

[Bean Sidhe]

On 10/18/2018 at 9:47 AM, J3NN said:

This is why I came back to NF. Internet friends are the best. 

 

They really all. you guys are wonderful and the pick me up I have needed lately. I am just sorry I haven't been around others much this challenge.

 

On 10/18/2018 at 9:47 AM, J3NN said:

Focusing on today is probably a very wise thing to do and will help you get done what you need to get done. You've got this!

 

Good luck!

 

This is what I am trying to do. Now if I could just get the Squirrel brain to stop being distracted, I would be in great shape.

 

On 10/18/2018 at 6:52 PM, fleaball said:

Hugs to both you and Youngest. Punishing everyone when a few people are dumb is the fucking stupidest way of doing things. especially if you're not saying what it is. I'm mad for you. I'm glad you said something to the owner person though.

 

I said something. Do I think it will change? probably not. But I had to at least try. We will find out when we got back on Weds. However, right now, I just wish I could bundle Youngest up and protect her from this kind of BS since its happening in a few places. Sadly, I don't have answers for all of them.

 

On 10/18/2018 at 6:58 PM, Jupiter said:

 

I'm sorry yesterday didn't go well, but I hope today was better.

 

Thank you for the support. Things got better over the weekend. Welcome and feel free to pop in whenever you can. So sorry for the late reply, weekends are a bit nutty around here.

 

 

[Bean Sidhe]

On 10/19/2018 at 3:09 AM, Wobbegong said:

I'm so sorry to hear how rough and crazy the past few days have been for you and I hope things resolve for Youngest soon! What a mess! You know, the Geneva Convention considers collective punishment (for the misbehavior of a few or single person among the group) to be a war crime and an act of terrorism. 

 

Thats good to know. Right now, I have little faith anything will get fixed in either location, but I don't have a fix at all for one and am trying to stay positive for Youngest Agent. Even if I am actually thinking "well, this is just life now." Here is trying to be positive, but I am sure the thing that doesn't seem like a big thing for most people is a huge thing for her, and we have to find ways around it.

 

On 10/19/2018 at 3:09 AM, Wobbegong said:

I'm so proud of you for getting 29.5 even with everything going on. The magic of NF is real! And even on days when there's no one here to pick you up, it's like... 

 

The magic is real. I swear, there are times you all are the only reason I even try anymore.

 

On 10/19/2018 at 3:09 AM, Wobbegong said:

 

Right? 

Absolutely. I actually love Kitchen Witch. All of her comics/gifs are great little pick me ups. And some days you just have to pick yourself up and move on.

 

On 10/19/2018 at 4:43 PM, fleaball said:

 

On 10/20/2018 at 11:51 AM, fleaball said:

Hi Bean! Leaving love and hugs for you to come back to. Hope the world hasn’t exploded too much. <3

 

Hi Flea. Thanks for the poke and the hugs. I did need them on Friday, but we literally were running all day till my midterm, and then after that I didn't want to think or be near a computer. Now I am just hoping I didn't bomb the thing. Fingers crossed

 

On 10/21/2018 at 11:50 PM, fleaball said:

 

Thank you for remember to poke me. Weekends are the worst for challenges since there is less structure to them.

[Bean Sidhe]

9 hours ago, Lateral Planet said:

Oh no, so sad about the animals! I love bearded dragons, we used to get them visiting in our backyard all the time when I was a teenager. Hang in there *hugs*

 

That is so cool you see them in the wild. This one was the most calm friendly thing. She spent more than one class sitting in a students hoodie pouch just hanging out. Around here, it gets way too cold for things like this. And I think she was the first or second I ever saw. It turned out, someone turned off her heater, so she got too cold and died. People are either dumb or mean.

 

9 hours ago, Lateral Planet said:

Also I really just popped in to say well done on the 5K! It sounded like you enjoyed yourself and felt accomplished. 55 minutes is a really fast walk, good on you!

Thanks. Youngest Agent and I are proud. It was a good "okay, you did stuff" moment. And while I think we could of done better, I also know we could of done worse, or done nothing at all, so I am  just going to go with it.

 

8 hours ago, fleaball said:

Sending more hugs Bean. 

 

Sounds like you handled Ford the weekend reasonably well despite the crazy. Sorry Monday was extra crap.

 

Thanks, Hugs I will take. I told one Agent last night, and there were so many tears and it stunk. The other was already in bed so I get to tell them tonight. I don't want to, but it has to happen. Monday was about 12 layers of crap AFTER that. I seriously am about done dealing with people

[Bean Sidhe]

So now that I am caught up, here is a brief recap of Monday

 

• Dragon and bird thing. Did determine that the heater was TURNED OFF on the dragon, so thats what killed her.
• Work... Boss was in a mood all day (can you blame her)
• Still no homework, I email the instructor and while he was fairly cool, he changed how things are "due/posted" in the one class and basically said "here is the homework between now and the end of the semester. turn one in a week out of the like 15, other than that, get it done before finals week." Which is great, but I could of used this info before now. So I freaked out about now being behind in that class. I could have been working on the class and gotten ahead... Ugh
• Family issue. Family member sends passive agressive "I don't know when we will be seeing X for holidays, he hasn't given me a list or anything. No one has given me anything." Guess who else hasn't given her a gift list for Agents. I tell her I can give her access to our Keep note (Google keep, post it note app on my phone that you can share the notes between people and it auto-updates) and originally told "Whatever works is fine." (Please remember, doing all of this via email). So I go through trying to figure out how to set this up so she can access it (No google account, but work email is a google). And last email (email number 6 or 7) from them says "I can get in with my work email. But I hate Google Apps and Programs and I refuse to put it on my phone."  Okay, I tell them I will type it into excel like previous years and email it to her. Then I have to keep it updated when people tell me what they want to get, and email the updated version back out.
• I got to walk with the other mom but she was telling me their new puppy (who is like 12 weeks old) attacked the older dog, so she was freaking out and I needed to support her. (Both dogs are okay, older one is a bit beat up, but apparently they worked it out? She just feels guilty it happened at all)
• Eldest Agent had a rough day. Mostly due to his quirks, but I was not in the mind frame to deal with it. Not in trouble, but something to deal with.
• Youngest Agent decided chores were not a thing, so lots of reminding there.

I did try to do my chores. I was actually trying to get everything done (I was down to stretches and exercises) when Agent White decided to destroy things. I was the only one available to play with her to prevent more damage to a stuffed animal, so my chores didn't get done. I finished with 21.6 out of 27. Not great, but its closer than it could of been considering the day. I had at one point given up so somethings better than nothing?

 

Honestly, no, I am mad I didn't get it. I was trying. I was right there.

[Lateral Planet]

1 hour ago, Bean Sidhe said:

That is so cool you see them in the wild. This one was the most calm friendly thing. She spent more than one class sitting in a students hoodie pouch just hanging out. Around here, it gets way too cold for things like this. And I think she was the first or second I ever saw. It turned out, someone turned off her heater, so she got too cold and died. People are either dumb or mean.

That's so awful  She sounds so cool! I'll tell you about our friendly neighborhood water dragon, Bob, to give your thread some happy vibes 

 

Bob discovered our courtyard as a baby and decided that we had good eats. He stuck around all summer and kept coming back for years! He especially liked to eat Mum's strawberries, but only the red part; if it was only half-ripe, he carefully only ate the the ripe half. (We gave up on eating our own home-grown strawberries) He also seemed to spread the word around to the local dragon community because we got plenty of babies visiting every summer! But Bob was the only one who came as an adult.

 

Problem was, as Bob got bigger he found it more and more difficult to get over the fence. Claws or not, a two-metre vertical climb is tricky for a big, fat, one-metre dragon (especially after gorging himself on all our produce)! We managed to arrange some flower pots and things into a kind of staircase so he could get out, but every now and then you'd hear a smash and know he'd been less than graceful. But he was determined to keep visiting so we just had to restack them again.

 

I kind of wonder about the first summer after my parents moved out, and whether the new occupiers got a fright finding a giant dragon in their tiny garden, demanding to know where all the strawberries went!

[Bean Sidhe]

8 hours ago, Lateral Planet said:

That's so awful  She sounds so cool! I'll tell you about our friendly neighborhood water dragon, Bob, to give your thread some happy vibes 

 

Bob discovered our courtyard as a baby and decided that we had good eats. He stuck around all summer and kept coming back for years! He especially liked to eat Mum's strawberries, but only the red part; if it was only half-ripe, he carefully only ate the the ripe half. (We gave up on eating our own home-grown strawberries) He also seemed to spread the word around to the local dragon community because we got plenty of babies visiting every summer! But Bob was the only one who came as an adult.

 

Problem was, as Bob got bigger he found it more and more difficult to get over the fence. Claws or not, a two-metre vertical climb is tricky for a big, fat, one-metre dragon (especially after gorging himself on all our produce)! We managed to arrange some flower pots and things into a kind of staircase so he could get out, but every now and then you'd hear a smash and know he'd been less than graceful. But he was determined to keep visiting so we just had to restack them again.

 

I kind of wonder about the first summer after my parents moved out, and whether the new occupiers got a fright finding a giant dragon in their tiny garden, demanding to know where all the strawberries went!

 

 

OMG this is amazing. Thank you. I found it this morning at work and went back a couple times because its so sweet. I also think its awesome that for  you, they are just a normal thing. Only thing we have like that is rabbits, and I wish we didn't. They are not friendly, they are not fun to look at, and honestly, the dog has to chase (and get) them.

 

I will say our little one was little. Being a pet store pet, she was underfed at the pet store and as a result, she was less than half the size she was suppose to be. But thinking of her getting to 1 meter is amazing.

 

I would love to have seen the new owners walk out one day to find Bob just hanging out in the middle of the yard with this "What? I live here" Look on his face.

[Tateman]

Just catching up. Hopefully you are doing ok. Sad to hear about the dragon

[Lateral Planet]

12 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

OMG this is amazing. Thank you. I found it this morning at work and went back a couple times because its so sweet. I also think its awesome that for  you, they are just a normal thing. Only thing we have like that is rabbits, and I wish we didn't. They are not friendly, they are not fun to look at, and honestly, the dog has to chase (and get) them.

 

I will say our little one was little. Being a pet store pet, she was underfed at the pet store and as a result, she was less than half the size she was suppose to be. But thinking of her getting to 1 meter is amazing.

 

I would love to have seen the new owners walk out one day to find Bob just hanging out in the middle of the yard with this "What? I live here" Look on his face.

I'm glad I could cheer you up a bit with my happy wildlife reminiscences! If I ever get into tourism my slogan will be "Australia: Not Just Spiders and Snakes! (Although also watch out for spiders and snakes)" Now I'm living in the city I don't get to see quite such exotic beasties, although there is a mob of kangaroos that hang out on one of my regular walking routes

[Bean Sidhe]

7 hours ago, Tateman said:

Just catching up. Hopefully you are doing ok. Sad to hear about the dragon

 

Thanks for stopping by. I think overall I am less upset about the dragon (okay, the fact someone did this to it still has me upset) but more the constant death all around me. Coworker told me yesterday that his dad died last week as well (it was coming with dementia, but you see the trend here). Seriously I am starting to worry that its something about being near me.

 

1 hour ago, Lateral Planet said:

I'm glad I could cheer you up a bit with my happy wildlife reminiscences! If I ever get into tourism my slogan will be "Australia: Not Just Spiders and Snakes! (Although also watch out for spiders and snakes)" Now I'm living in the city I don't get to see quite such exotic beasties, although there is a mob of kangaroos that hang out on one of my regular walking routes

 

That is part of our problem. We are on the edge of the city, but there is nothing real fun around here. I do wish we lived a bit closer to a more wild area. Today was just "Chase the dumb bunny out of the yard that got stuck IN the fence" so I could let the dog out. I though Australia was "The place where everything is trying to kill you, including the plants" but I could be wrong.

[Lateral Planet]

1 hour ago, Bean Sidhe said:

That is part of our problem. We are on the edge of the city, but there is nothing real fun around here. I do wish we lived a bit closer to a more wild area. Today was just "Chase the dumb bunny out of the yard that got stuck IN the fence" so I could let the dog out. I though Australia was "The place where everything is trying to kill you, including the plants" but I could be wrong.

OK, I will admit there's a lot of dangerous stuff here, but I prefer to focus on the cute and cuddly  If you ever need a quick pick-me-up, I highly recommend a Google image search for quokkas!

[Bean Sidhe]

7 hours ago, Lateral Planet said:

OK, I will admit there's a lot of dangerous stuff here, but I prefer to focus on the cute and cuddly  If you ever need a quick pick-me-up, I highly recommend a Google image search for quokkas!

 

OMG.. I searched for Quokkas.. .those are the most adorable thing.. How has no one shown me those before?

 

I know its tiny in real life, but this picture, I see it coming over a stand of trees and saying "Hey there little buddy."  lol... I am weird

[Bean Sidhe]

So update for yesterday.

I hit a melt somewhere. Not going to lie, about 5 pm I looked up and went "I am not getting everything done. I give up." The day wasn't bad or anything, I just looked at the rest of the week, where I was homework/stuff to do wise, and I totally noped.

That being said, Hubby was the jerk I needed and made me do at least my stretches. This got me moving somewhat again and I got 28.1 pts out of 30. I am a bit mad since I was less than 400 steps from goal. I should of looked before bed.

Today is stressful, had to go to the bad dentist, got to go see if the activity is going to be better or if I need to ask for a refund for the last session. Homework assignment to do, cleaning needs to happen for chosen family,  sadly all I keep thinking of is this when I think of my to do list anymore

 

I am over so much right now. Oh well, time to go convince myself to study. I did just kinda tell a @fleaball I would do the things...

 

So off to do things I go

[fleaball]

I believe in you, Bean!

[Tateman]

17 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

 

Thanks for stopping by. I think overall I am less upset about the dragon (okay, the fact someone did this to it still has me upset) but more the constant death all around me. Coworker told me yesterday that his dad died last week as well (it was coming with dementia, but you see the trend here). Seriously I am starting to worry that its something about being near me.

Yeah, I have been though times like this too. When I was younger, it was bad enough that I started figuring out how old grand parents and older family members were. Then guessing about how long they may have, just to try to already prepare myself for the loss. It really is a horrible mind space to be in  

[Bean Sidhe]

14 hours ago, fleaball said:

I believe in you, Bean!

 

Thanks. I really didn't want to do anything when I got home, but I told Agent of our little agreement to both do the things.. First thing she asked this morning "Did your friend Flea do her thing?"  When I said yes, she said "cool" and gave you a thumbs up.

[Bean Sidhe]

6 hours ago, Tateman said:

Yeah, I have been though times like this too. When I was younger, it was bad enough that I started figuring out how old grand parents and older family members were. Then guessing about how long they may have, just to try to already prepare myself for the loss. It really is a horrible mind space to be in  

 

See if I thought it was just the "older family members" it would be one thing. but really, its not them. It is all the ages. and then finding out people around me just have people or things dying left and right,its harder. Its like I need to warn everyone around me to say goodbye to their love ones.
 

I got tired of saying "I am over this year, next will be better" Maybe I just need to go to "Well, this my life now"

[Bean Sidhe]

So Weds didn't completely suck. I was actually prepared for it to do so considering the whole "crummy dentist" appointment and then garden club, then activity that had been on its "we will see" moment

 

The crummy dentist appoint I think was my best with them yet. They gave me a hard time about one spot getting slightly worse, but overall were like "Your finally improving. its about time."  I still did get the 10 minute "you need to let us know ASAP about appointment since I am working my lunch break" and the dentist himself saw me for all of 3 minutes because he was leaving to go teach a class or something? And can someone please tell the dentist offices, I would rather you cut $10-15 off my bill than have you keep giving me toothbrushes and things. I mean seriously, I don't use them, And when I say "I don't need it" don't give me one anyway.  They let me out without making another appointment, so I am going to talk to good dentist and see if I really need to go back.

 

Garden club went easily, fortunately, I was only hurting a bit from the dentist. i was really afraid I would be seriously hurting and trying to instruct kids on how to pull the garden.

 

The activity went better.  The kids had more fun and they didn't spend half the time doing "conditioning"  Now to hope that things continue this way. Youngest Agent was so nervous, but came back happier than she had been in a bit which helped.

 

I got my midterm back. It was only an 26.5/30. Stupid brain is all upset that "there goes your A" and Hubby and the kids were telling me I did great. Trying to do the "oh well, I can't fix it, time to work on something I can."  (Stupid "you must get As or you fail" brain)

 

I came home and dinner was a no. We had a oops in planning and there were no leftovers to have. So I munched on random stuff and then got my homework assignment done. I should have done more reading and things, but I just had a nope vibe. Mostly since I am stressing about the next 3 days (I need to make like 6 loaves of bread tonight for the school bake sale, then homework and chosen family comes in tomorrow sometime.). I did manage to do my goals when Hubby went to get dinner to make up for the lack of dinner. But I was too tired to eat when he got home.

 

I did get my steps in and a total of 29.3 pts out of 27. I missed soaking up the sun (I just didn't get a chance) and wiping down the upstairs bathroom sink. Overall for a day I was over and didn't want to do anything, I am calling a win. One good thing is that the dentist appoint is done for another 6 month. Time with agents was a silly dinner conversation.

 

I feel like I did better, but I also feel like I should have done more.

[fleaball]

I'm glad yesterday wasn't super miserable! I still want to punch your dentist in the face though, yikes. What an ass. 

 

Also your brain is a dick and 26.5/30 on your midterm is a fabulous grade. And I know your brain disagrees with me on this but I'll say it anyway: your grades don't determine your worth. They don't necessarily measure how well you know the material, they don't show that you got your 26.5 while dealing with mental health issues and carting your 2 kids + everyone else's kids around and dealing with your family, they don't tell anyone who Bean is. Take that 26.5/30 and hang it on your fridge.

[Bean Sidhe]

ok, replies in a minute.

However, I made a crappy *** realization just now.

This is the first Chosen family thing  since Sister M died. I had it in my mind she would be here. The last one we had, I got the call to come say goodbye.  

Add to that the burn out, the fact my homework isn't done (and people will be here in about 3 hours) and I forgot to get set up to register for my classes for spring (which needed done about 3 weeks ago), I am now crying. 

95% of the time, I love my life, and all the things we do. Right now, I would love to call everything off, say "let me fail that assignment" and hide in bed.

However, lets be honest. I am mad at myself for an 88%. A real F would not fly well in my brain ever.

 

Either way, I need to go get an Agent. We will get past this, but right now, I am done.