Bean Sidhe Vs Chaos - Keep trying

[Bean Sidhe]

On 10/25/2018 at 2:23 PM, fleaball said:

I'm glad yesterday wasn't super miserable! I still want to punch your dentist in the face though, yikes. What an ass. 

 

He is, and I hate that place. But its done and I don't have to deal with it till April. (if I make the next appt).

 

On 10/25/2018 at 2:23 PM, fleaball said:

Also your brain is a dick and 26.5/30 on your midterm is a fabulous grade. And I know your brain disagrees with me on this but I'll say it anyway: your grades don't determine your worth. They don't necessarily measure how well you know the material, they don't show that you got your 26.5 while dealing with mental health issues and carting your 2 kids + everyone else's kids around and dealing with your family, they don't tell anyone who Bean is. Take that 26.5/30 and hang it on your fridge.

 

My brain is disagreeing. I know mathematically, with homework grade I have right now, I should be fine. But when has logic ever entered into this. Besides, I can hear some family members now. "What happen Bean, did you just not take it?" (remember, people actually said "You only got a hundred in the class, did you not do the extra credit?")

I am getting better with it. Mostly because I can't change it, and it just means I need to do more. Thank you Flea for being so supportive. Some days I am just so done that I keep going because I have to. If I stopped, I would let too many people down. Having you support me is a huge help.

Okay, off to get the Agent. I may not be late if I leave in like 2 minutes.

[fleaball]

10 minutes ago, Bean Sidhe said:

My brain is disagreeing. I know mathematically, with homework grade I have right now, I should be fine. But when has logic ever entered into this. Besides, I can hear some family members now. "What happen Bean, did you just not take it?" (remember, people actually said "You only got a hundred in the class, did you not do the extra credit?")

I am getting better with it. Mostly because I can't change it, and it just means I need to do more. Thank you Flea for being so supportive. Some days I am just so done that I keep going because I have to. If I stopped, I would let too many people down. Having you support me is a huge help.

I get it. It sounds like my family wasn't quite as bad as yours about grades, but I also got a whole lot of "we know you can do better, this is unacceptable" for grades that other people struggled to get (like, when I got a B+ in an AP class with an asshole teacher while taking 5 other classes and working 20 hours a week). I'm 100% not judging you and I know it's hard to overcome that programming. I say these things even though I know your brain disagrees because maybe if you hear them often enough it'll drown out the shitty voices in your head and replace them.

 

Did I ever mention what the constant refrain was in grad school? That I even heard from my favorite professor a few times? "B's get degrees." B's were passing grades for us, and that's all we needed. Not because we were slacking off, but because school is hard and we all had a ton of shit going on. So when the ugly voices rear up in your head you can give them the finger and chant "B's get degrees!" til they go away. (The professor who said that is now Dean of my school, too. So it wasn't just a flighty adjunct who said that, it was someone who knows her shit and takes things seriously.)

 

Re: your shitty realization - HUGS! Enjoy the time with your chosen family and honor Sister M while you're at it. Try not to worry about things and focus on the love of the people around you. And if things get overwhelming, you can totally lock yourself in a bedroom for a few minutes to get some air. You'll get through all the shitty things like you always do, but it's okay to feel shitty about it anyway. <3  

 

(Also, an experiment if you can handle it: maybe you don't want to fail the assignment, but there are more important things than focusing on getting 100%. What if you just do the bare minimum to get it turned in? Or shoot for a B?)

[Lateral Planet]

On 10/27/2018 at 7:38 AM, fleaball said:

Did I ever mention what the constant refrain was in grad school? That I even heard from my favorite professor a few times? "B's get degrees." B's were passing grades for us, and that's all we needed. Not because we were slacking off, but because school is hard and we all had a ton of shit going on. So when the ugly voices rear up in your head you can give them the finger and chant "B's get degrees!" til they go away. (The professor who said that is now Dean of my school, too. So it wasn't just a flighty adjunct who said that, it was someone who knows her shit and takes things seriously.)

Seconded! We had "Ps get degrees" and from memory a P pass was 50 to 60 per cent. Not that you shouldn't aim higher (absolutely do) but sometimes, for your own mental health, you've just got to say "Screw it, that'll do for now." You have some breathing room. 

 

That said, uni is meant to be training you up for a career. I did get a couple of Ps at uni, which is fine; I made up for it in the courses I cared about. But I'm very lucky my day job doesn't involve identifying microscopic feldspars or analysing the fall of Rome or those Ps could have come back to bite me

 

Also *hugs*

[fleaball]

Hey Bean, hope your weekend went well with no shenanigans! <3

[Bean Sidhe]

Crap, where did the last few days go.

 

Okay, so weekends are apparently my downfall. However, I knew from day one, this weekend was going to be a no challenge zone.

Friday was homework, work, finish prep for chosen family to arrive. Chosen family showed up, and I had some alone time (at the grocery store) with Sister S.

Saturday was full chosen family day. I finished my homework Sat morning (Chosen family insisted and then I saw my baby niece and nephew, well all my nieces and nephews, and I had a good time with family. A couple of moments of missing Sister M. Some when I thought she should be there any moment, but more when we told stories and thought of her. no big "memorial" but just like we always talk of people who aren't there. "remember the time that ...." Not going to lie, it was hard, but worked out okay.  Oh, and there was no stupid sugar goal or bedtime. just family time with some drinking.

 

Sunday was tiring. The children all wanted up early to play. Sister S was able to stay SO long (usually they need to leave early, but not this time). but it did throw off any plans we had of "hey, get normal Sunday stuff done." No lunches made, no dinners prepped, no breakfast made. well, breakfast was handled since one of my brothers owns a bakery about 2.5 hours away and left me a TON of danish and pumpkin and blueberry bread. But after they left, I did do some homework (not much) and then Youngest Agent started to melt from the weekend we got her to bed early.  It was a good time, but we are a bit behind now, (which was worth it) but it is stressing me a bit.

 

1 hour ago, fleaball said:

Hey Bean, hope your weekend went well with no shenanigans! <3

 

This was chosen family weekend. If there were no shenanigans, then well, it wouldn't be us. But they were good shenanigans.. which in our lives lead to the "Do you remember the time.." stories.

 

Replies in a bit. I am trying to play catch up on homework but really, I could use a nap after the weekend and all the people.

[Bean Sidhe]

Update to part B list since I realized how long it had gotten.
 

Part B list or LIST OF DOOM depending on the day. Only till end of challenge

(Does not take into account regular activities for Agents. This list will probably grow during the challenge as I find/think of things that need done.) (red text is new stuff, black is old, crossed out is done).

• o   Make this list

   

• o   Make challenge

   

• o   Get Gatorade for Eldest Activity

   

• o   Send Gatorade to school

   

• o   Me Meeting 10/16

   

• o   Take Salsa to Youngest School Teacher appreciation

   

• o   PT conference Youngest

   

• o   PT conference Eldest

   

• o   5K with Youngest 10/20

   

• o   Midterm for Class 10/19-10/21

   

• o   Lunch with family 10/21

   

• o   Dentist apt me

   

• o   Bread for Youngest school bake sale

   

• o   Chosen Family visit

   

• o   Find picture of front of radio

   

• o   Get Halloween candy

   

• o   Drinks for Youngest Halloween party

   

• o   Clean for family member visit A

   

• o   Clean for chosen family

   

• o   Menu Chosen family

   

• o   Find homes for plants that were brought in suddenly

   

• o   Find light for pineapple

   

• o   Label canning jars from 10/14/18

   

• o   Look for table to set pineapple on

   

• o   Book fair Youngest Agent
• o   Make Dr appt for Youngest yearly check up

   

• o   Make Dr appt for my yearly check up
• o   Art thing find

   

• o   Art thing fil out DUE 10/26/18

   

• o   Order Jeans

   

• o   Read through new registration procedures for spring

   

• o   Get registration date for school

   

• o   Be at youngest Halloween Party
• o   Eldest Friend’s pie for birthday
• o   Paint box for Youngest costume
• o   Finish radio
• o   Visit by another family member 11/3
• o   Birthday card nephew
• o   Figure out care of kids on non-school days till Jan
• o   Popcorn Youngest school
• o   Clean for Family member visit B
• o   Start Agent Christmas lists
• o   Start outside our family Christmas list
• o   Decide how to keep track of all of it.
• o   Get 1 patch on sash for scouts
• o   Get 1 patch on sash for scouts
• o   Get 1 patch on sash for scouts
• o   Get 1 patch on sash for scouts
• o   Pull snapdragons and marigolds from back yard
• o   Pull snapdragons from side yard
• o   Lunchbox for youngest Agent (her new one is deciding to die).
• o   Update binder OS
• o   Update binder Network
• o   Halloween
• o   Register for spring classes (11/6)
• o   Figure out what I am taking in the spring
• o   Get Approval before registration (11/5)
• put away air mattress
• put away baby monitors
• Put away last of Chosen family supplies
• Wash Agent K9s blankets

[Bean Sidhe]

On 10/26/2018 at 3:38 PM, fleaball said:

I get it. It sounds like my family wasn't quite as bad as yours about grades, but I also got a whole lot of "we know you can do better, this is unacceptable" for grades that other people struggled to get (like, when I got a B+ in an AP class with an asshole teacher while taking 5 other classes and working 20 hours a week). I'm 100% not judging you and I know it's hard to overcome that programming. I say these things even though I know your brain disagrees because maybe if you hear them often enough it'll drown out the shitty voices in your head and replace them.

 

 

I know you get it.  Why is it we can change the programs of our computers so easily (remember, thats what I am working on) and yet all I want to do is find the flaws in my own code.Ugh.

 

On 10/26/2018 at 3:38 PM, fleaball said:

Did I ever mention what the constant refrain was in grad school? That I even heard from my favorite professor a few times? "B's get degrees." B's were passing grades for us, and that's all we needed. Not because we were slacking off, but because school is hard and we all had a ton of shit going on. So when the ugly voices rear up in your head you can give them the finger and chant "B's get degrees!" til they go away. (The professor who said that is now Dean of my school, too. So it wasn't just a flighty adjunct who said that, it was someone who knows her shit and takes things seriously.) 

 

So I read this while Family was here. we got talking about my grades (since these people do care) and I started beating myself up and they did the "you did good, especially with everything else going on" and I repeated your "B's get degrees" for Eldest Agent and then Family started saying "You just said B's get Degrees, that means you too."

 

On 10/26/2018 at 3:38 PM, fleaball said:

Re: your shitty realization - HUGS! Enjoy the time with your chosen family and honor Sister M while you're at it. Try not to worry about things and focus on the love of the people around you. And if things get overwhelming, you can totally lock yourself in a bedroom for a few minutes to get some air. You'll get through all the shitty things like you always do, but it's okay to feel shitty about it anyway. <3  

 

I had moments. Not going to lie. I didn't lock myself inside, but rather I found a quiet spot outside and sat there. She was missed, but not forgotten. we have had other family pass, and she will be in that group, the group that has legends about them spoken..

 

On 10/26/2018 at 3:38 PM, fleaball said:

(Also, an experiment if you can handle it: maybe you don't want to fail the assignment, but there are more important things than focusing on getting 100%. What if you just do the bare minimum to get it turned in? Or shoot for a B?)

Honestly, I kinda did this on Sat with the homework that was done. I did it, had a Hubby check it (I was half asleep with no food or caffeine in me yet) for really glaring errors and then I turned it in.  Strangely, I got it back on Sunday (after I had forgotten about it) and I got 100%. But sometimes I do get to a "Close enough maybe" until I turn it in, then panic after going "I should of checked it a 5th time.." I need to do the math to figure my classes. Honestly, in about 2 or 3 weeks, I will start being able to figure out what I have to have to pass, then a B then an A and as that comes in, I will be able to relax. (I love getting the "you need 5 pts out of 100 for B" moments. Then I relax so much more). 

 

[Bean Sidhe]

On 10/28/2018 at 6:24 PM, Lateral Planet said:

Seconded! We had "Ps get degrees" and from memory a P pass was 50 to 60 per cent. Not that you shouldn't aim higher (absolutely do) but sometimes, for your own mental health, you've just got to say "Screw it, that'll do for now." You have some breathing room. 

 

Here if you want to really do anything, its got to be 70% or above. Whats more is I use to be Pre-med and to get into a Medical school you needed more like a 80 or above in EVERYTHING. This did not help my brain and the "Be perfect" mindset.

 

On 10/28/2018 at 6:24 PM, Lateral Planet said:

That said, uni is meant to be training you up for a career. I did get a couple of Ps at uni, which is fine; I made up for it in the courses I cared about. But I'm very lucky my day job doesn't involve identifying microscopic feldspars or analysing the fall of Rome or those Ps could have come back to bite me

 

Actually, at this point, all I am taking the career (majors) classes. all my gen ed stuff is done. Up/downside to transferring in as a Jr. I don't have to take English or speech, but I do have to keep a closer eye on my grades. This is the stuff employers  are looking for.  They want to make sure my networking class is an A or B, not my history before 1500. So I can't take a class as a "fun class" Like I did guitar at one point.

 

On 10/28/2018 at 6:24 PM, Lateral Planet said:

Also *hugs*

 

*hugs*

I am better overall. I will probably be like this until I get out, but I am starting to look at the "Come look at this for an internship" or "Here are ways to connect to possible jobs when you graduate." I am nowhere close to graduating, but I should probably start looking for the internship. Guess I need to write a resume... (you know, in my free time)

[Lateral Planet]

 

7 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

Actually, at this point, all I am taking the career (majors) classes. all my gen ed stuff is done. Up/downside to transferring in as a Jr. I don't have to take English or speech, but I do have to keep a closer eye on my grades. This is the stuff employers  are looking for.  They want to make sure my networking class is an A or B, not my history before 1500. So I can't take a class as a "fun class" Like I did guitar at one point.

Gen ed isn't a thing here, they chuck you right in at the deep end and every class is relevant to your degree from day one. One of those Ps was in my masters year! Of course nobody wants an average mark, but I had to ask myself: "Is this knowledge worth compromising my mental health for?" For that particular class, the answer was no, so I settled for average marks and a better brain. It's not necessary all the time, but occasionally it's a question worth asking.

 

Super good on you for doing so well! Don't forget to be proud of yourself for coming so far

[Bean Sidhe]

2 hours ago, Lateral Planet said:

 

Gen ed isn't a thing here, they chuck you right in at the deep end and every class is relevant to your degree from day one. One of those Ps was in my masters year! Of course nobody wants an average mark, but I had to ask myself: "Is this knowledge worth compromising my mental health for?" For that particular class, the answer was no, so I settled for average marks and a better brain. It's not necessary all the time, but occasionally it's a question worth asking.

 

In many ways, the way you guys do it is probably better. I know there were plenty of times when I did the "Since when is my film art class going to help me in life" (note I took that so I didn't have to look at pottery or try to figure out why globs of paint on this canvas are better than that canvas and what they mean.

 

I do find it interesting that you asked yourself about "Is this info worth my mental health?" That is a question I would never think to ask myself. Maybe its the culture here, or the way I was raised, but seeing one thing and going "Is this helping or hurting the bigger picture?" doesn't seem like a thing. Of course, I think part of that may be that my brain says "everything is," but again, I need to work on that whole reprogramming thing

 

2 hours ago, Lateral Planet said:

Super good on you for doing so well! Don't forget to be proud of yourself for coming so far

 

I am trying. Sometimes I don't see the change right away. But for now, its a matter of "well, I did something instead of nothing. thats a start"

[Bean Sidhe]

Mon update

 

I got back MOSTLY on the wagon yesterday. It was kinda a weird day (Work asked for my opinion about something I am lucky if they tell me about after the fact). and while we aren't back to normal here (still some odds and ends to take care of) we are getting better.

I took a 2 mile walk yesterday which felt really good. I walked most of it with another mom, so we got to talk a bit and I managed to play catch up some on homework. I still have a ton to do, but its a start. Especially since one instructor gave us the entire semester worth of material to do already, so I am going to be me and see if I can finish the semester early to get some space in my brain for holidays.

Also realized that I have been carrying around some chocolates in my lunch box for about 2 weeks. Youngest was being cute and put them in there. I just haven't wanted them. And aside of my Danish for breakfast, I haven't gotten into the left over cookies or cake or doughnuts in the house. Maybe I am changing my brain a bit.

Who knows, I know today has a ton to do. I didn't get my plan made last night (it just seemed like too much work). I did however get 28.3 pts out of 30, so that is something. I really wish I could do more about the weekends, but it requires us to have some time on weekends. This weekend is calmer (just another family visit) but I still have so much to do.  Oh, but first I need to get someones Halloween costume finished. Youngest Agent might want that tomorrow.

 

Time to get something done. Oh and I need to check in on people here. I haven't been around much outside of my thread.

[fleaball]

On 10/29/2018 at 9:08 PM, Bean Sidhe said:

I know you get it.  Why is it we can change the programs of our computers so easily (remember, thats what I am working on) and yet all I want to do is find the flaws in my own code.Ugh.

Computer code has rules that (usually) make sense. Brain code, not so much. But god it would be amazing to be able to go in and be like "nah, this function sucks *delete*."

 

On 10/29/2018 at 9:08 PM, Bean Sidhe said:

So I read this while Family was here. we got talking about my grades (since these people do care) and I started beating myself up and they did the "you did good, especially with everything else going on" and I repeated your "B's get degrees" for Eldest Agent and then Family started saying "You just said B's get Degrees, that means you too."

High fives to Family! Because yeah, grades are a thing and employers might look at them so you can't just dick around doing the bare minimum for every single class, but killing yourself for perfect scores on everything also isn't a great thing. (General "you," I mean.) I know your college experience is super different from mine, but as someone who passed on a lot of opportunities just because ~school~ and ~grades~ I think it's probably a skill to be able to say "cool, I have other things that need my attention so I'll do my best on this assignment but if it's not perfect that's okay and I'm moving on."

 

On 10/29/2018 at 9:08 PM, Bean Sidhe said:

Honestly, I kinda did this on Sat with the homework that was done. I did it, had a Hubby check it (I was half asleep with no food or caffeine in me yet) for really glaring errors and then I turned it in.  Strangely, I got it back on Sunday (after I had forgotten about it) and I got 100%. But sometimes I do get to a "Close enough maybe" until I turn it in, then panic after going "I should of checked it a 5th time.." I need to do the math to figure my classes. Honestly, in about 2 or 3 weeks, I will start being able to figure out what I have to have to pass, then a B then an A and as that comes in, I will be able to relax. (I love getting the "you need 5 pts out of 100 for B" moments. Then I relax so much more). 

Hooray! High five to you and Hubby. God that panic is so familiar though. I always did the math for my final grades too and it was a great feeling. Yay nerds!

[Bean Sidhe]

Before replies

 

So yesterday went sideways. It started off rocky, but I had plans. I needed to do all the things, I had homework, Halloween prep, life prep.  Activity wise it was going to be a quiet night I could get all the things done. I was motivated.

 

And then I got to work, and a coworker asked if he could talk to me. Thinking it was about work, I said sure. Next thing I know, I am spending an HOUR talking to this guy about his love life. I think he needed a female perspective, or maybe just a perspective in general, but yeah, an hour. After that, everything was behind.

And then I got off late because of the above. I needed to hit the store for some stuff. Then I came home over an hour late, which meant I couldn't walk. So I said "I will play a video game" and then had to deal with people who Hubby had tried to contact, but decided to call me. After that I sat down to do homework assignment and I stopped because I needed to help Youngest get through hers. Which is my job and I am totally there, but she's fighting a sinus infection so shes getting grouchy really easily and it was like every problem needed help and then since she felt bad she started zoning out so I had to reminder her to do it.

By the time all that was done, I melted. I tried to sit back down, to do my homework, to do my list, to do anything. But I couldn't think. I just stared at it. I never got anything else accomplished. I ended up sitting there zoned out for a bit then had dinner and collapsed.

Today I am doing better mostly. But I don't have the option to go "and I am done today". So yea, I still haven't finished filling out the challenge stuff, but lets just go with "It wasn't good"  Here is to hoping today goes better.

[Bean Sidhe]

8 hours ago, fleaball said:

Computer code has rules that (usually) make sense. Brain code, not so much. But god it would be amazing to be able to go in and be like "nah, this function sucks *delete*."

 

For me and for the Agents, I have more than once gone "If I could just pop open the head, flip the switch that causes this, or fix the code, I totally would." At the same time, that might be how we all end up robots.

 

8 hours ago, fleaball said:

High fives to Family! Because yeah, grades are a thing and employers might look at them so you can't just dick around doing the bare minimum for every single class, but killing yourself for perfect scores on everything also isn't a great thing. (General "you," I mean.) I know your college experience is super different from mine, but as someone who passed on a lot of opportunities just because ~school~ and ~grades~ I think it's probably a skill to be able to say "cool, I have other things that need my attention so I'll do my best on this assignment but if it's not perfect that's okay and I'm moving on."

 

This is what I hope to get to. Of course, right now my brain says "Yeah lets try that" but by tomorrow my brain will be "Why did you F around all week, flip out over all the stuff to do"

 

8 hours ago, fleaball said:

Hooray! High five to you and Hubby. God that panic is so familiar though. I always did the math for my final grades too and it was a great feeling. Yay nerds!

Thanks, we did okay. I was hoping to have another turned in last night, but well, Last night ended up being a nope. I love the math saying "hey your in good shape, Now go relax"  Kinda worried that won't happen this semester.

[Bean Sidhe]

well yesterday wasn't as total of a loss as I thought. Overall, I got 17.2 for the day. Its something

[Diadhuit]

I'm skimming through the post to see how are you doing.
I see you have a huge lot going on, as usual! One thing came to my mind, once an impressed colleague told me I have hobbies in a week that would cover a person for a lifetime.
That's the same for you: you have events happening in a week and TODOs checked off in a week that people will take a lifetime to do.
Each time I read here I'm more and more impressed (and a bit overwhelmed too)
You are doing great!

Sent from my FIG-LX1 using Tapatalk

[Wobbegong]

On 10/31/2018 at 9:50 PM, Bean Sidhe said:

well yesterday wasn't as total of a loss as I thought. Overall, I got 17.2 for the day. Its something

It IS something! Way to recognize success instead of failure, Bean! 

 

I haven't been around much this week but I'm glad to see you're still trucking along. I know things are overwhelming and there've been times when you really wish you had just an extra hour of energy, but you really are doing amazing things and I am so proud of you. -hugs- 

[Bean Sidhe]

Well, I did it. I did my mid-challenge "Life got weird, what challenge" week.

It bothers me. I can do it, I feel better when I do it, but I just noped and it wasn't just the weekend, it started on like Weds. I don't even remember the last time my tracker was open.

I need to get back to doing my goals. I feel better, I feel more rounded and heck, some things don't hurt. That being said, my shoulders HURT the last few days from tension and stress. The feeling I was literally carrying the world.

Good things since last pop in: I got some sleep. I actually feel more rested. I am not fully there (and won't be for awhile) but I don't feel as tired. I got quite a bit off the Part B list done. Family visits are over until the holidays

 

Not so good things:  So I got into the sugar 2 days (Once when family was here, and then the day after). I haven't been walking like at all, and I missed goal by under 200 steps 2 days in a row.

 

Bigger not good thing: Also, I had a bit of anger at some family. One told Agent K9 to "go play in the street" in front of the Agents. not the first time. I kinda got upset and the other family member is all "Its okay, he doesn't mean it, he thinks its funny." Dude, that is my baby. This is not the first time, and I had warned Hubby if it happened again, I was going to get on his case. I didn't, I was nice, but I made it very clear and walked away to go spend time with K9. It became this huge thing where I flat out told the other family member he has done this before, 5 times in 3 minutes before, and I don't care if he thinks its funny, that is my kid.  I also told them how after the last visit, Youngest Agent asked why this family member wanted to hurt K9.  Before they left, there was an apology (as well as a comment about how there may of been mixed up meds involved, which it seems happens whenever they come), but it was more before that when we went to dinner (after the first discussion where I was not okay) and they seemed to gush over me being in school and how hard I was working and wanted to know my GPA. It bugged me since compliments are not something I do well with anyway. But it was about 24 hours later, I started to feel like the gushing over me (when normally they talk about SIL and how well she did in school when talking about my schooling) I started to think it was just a ploy to get me to not be mad. I asked Hubby nad he says probably not, but now I just feel like they were trying to make it so I wasn't mad at them. I dunno, maybe I am reading too much into it, but I just feel like there was an angle here, which usually happens when I get a compliment.

Anyway, I need to get back on track starting today. Here is to hoping. I have started thinking about next challenge. That ones going to be rough. I kinda feel between pre-holidays and finals doing a "Just don't stop trying" thing, but I dunno.

Replies in a  bit. We are running late this am

[Bean Sidhe]

Part B list or LIST OF DOOM depending on the day. Only till end of challenge

(Does not take into account regular activities for Agents. This list will probably grow during the challenge as I find/think of things that need done.)

 

• o   Make this list

• o   Make challenge

• o   Get Gatorade for Eldest Activity

• o   Send Gatorade to school

• o   Me Meeting 10/16

• o   Take Salsa to Youngest School Teacher appreciation

• o   PT conference Youngest

• o   PT conference Eldest

• o   5K with Youngest 10/20

• o   Midterm for Class 10/19-10/21

• o   Lunch with family 10/21

• o   Dentist apt me

• o   Bread for Youngest school bake sale

• o   Chosen Family visit

• o   Find picture of front of radio

• o   Get Halloween candy

• o   Drinks for Youngest Halloween party

• o   Clean for family member visit A

• o   Clean for chosen family

• o   Menu Chosen family

• o   Find homes for plants that were brought in suddenly

• o   Find light for pineapple

• o   Label canning jars from 10/14/18

• o   Look for table to set pineapple on

• o   Book fair Youngest Agent

• o   Make Dr appt for Youngest yearly check up

• o   Make Dr appt for my yearly check up

• o   Art thing find

• o   Art thing fil out DUE 10/26/18

• o   Order Jeans

• o   Read through new registration procedures for spring

• o   Get registration date for school

• o   Be at youngest Halloween Party

• o   Paint box for Youngest costume

• o   Finish radio

• o   Visit by another family member 11/3

• o   Clean for Family member visit B

• o   Lunchbox for youngest Agent (her new one is deciding to die).

• o   Halloween

• o   Figure out what I am taking in the spring

• o   Respond to Sister S colors and things

• o   Eldest Friend’s pie for birthday

• o   Birthday card nephew

• o   Figure out care of kids on non-school days till Jan

• o   Popcorn Youngest school

• o   Start Agent Christmas lists

• o   Start outside our family Christmas list

• o   Decide how to keep track of all of it.

• o   Get 1 patch on sash for scouts

• o   Get 1 patch on sash for scouts

• o   Get 1 patch on sash for scouts

• o   Get 1 patch on sash for scouts

• o   Pull snapdragons and marigolds from back yard

• o   Pull snapdragons from side yard

• o   Update binder OS

• o   Update binder Network

• o   Register for spring classes (11/6)

• o   Get Approval before registration (11/5)

• o   put away air mattress

• o   put away baby monitors

• o   Put away last of Chosen family supplies

• o   Wash Agent K9s blankets

• o   Get dates up for Holiday Chosen family thing

• o   Christmas card

• o   Pick up selling thing from Eldest Agent

• o   Deliver selling stuff Eldest Agent

• o   Deliver Pie Eldest’s Friend

• o   Book order

• o  

   

[Bean Sidhe]

On 10/31/2018 at 5:49 PM, Diadhuit said:

I'm skimming through the post to see how are you doing.
I see you have a huge lot going on, as usual! One thing came to my mind, once an impressed colleague told me I have hobbies in a week that would cover a person for a lifetime.
That's the same for you: you have events happening in a week and TODOs checked off in a week that people will take a lifetime to do.
Each time I read here I'm more and more impressed (and a bit overwhelmed too)
You are doing great!

Sent from my FIG-LX1 using Tapatalk
 

 

Thanks for checking in. I wouldn't be impressed. It needs done. And if I don't do it (or stay on top of making sure it gets done) then it doesn't get done. Can I tell you a secret? I get overwhelmed constantly. Its just never ending. I know logically it will end eventually, but not anytime soon. Thanks for the vote of confidence.  Some days, I just feel glad I haven't melted and ended up no longer moving.

 

On 11/4/2018 at 6:02 AM, Wobbegong said:

It IS something! Way to recognize success instead of failure, Bean! 

 

It was, I am still upset I didnt do more, but at least I did something. Some days, I just have to be happy with that. But its hard when I know I can and should do more.

 

On 11/4/2018 at 6:02 AM, Wobbegong said:

I haven't been around much this week but I'm glad to see you're still trucking along. I know things are overwhelming and there've been times when you really wish you had just an extra hour of energy, but you really are doing amazing things and I am so proud of you. -hugs- 

 

The extra hour of energy is a constant. I also could love to have a few extra days of energy, but hey, take what I can get. Thank you for being proud, I am not sure why. Most days, I just try to keep the small humans alive, the furry children alive and not kill people. I know that I do more than that, but that is the base line must do most days.

[Bean Sidhe]

Yesterday I started off with the "I am going to do the things." I didn't get my exercises in the morning, but I did them in the afternoon. I tracked my food like I was suppose to and I hit my walking goal.

 

Then it all fell apart. I had to work on my resume again. I am sending it to a family member (yeah that one, but this is what they are good at) to go over it for me. It came back saying "No you do this, and that and use these words and promote yourself." and I tried. some of the things they "think" I do, don't really exist. And I flat out told them that they think I have a lot more responsibility and involvement here than I do. But I worked on it, sent it back to them (which got a "write down everything you do at work tomorrow") assignment. Ugh. More homework

 

But after the talk of my resume to Hubby and working on it, I realized that resumes come down to "Hey, look how great I am!" which is something I am not comfortable with at all. I really don't do well with praising myself since I have been told forever that it leads to me having a big head and sounds egotistical and braggy. I honestly look at this and go "I suck on paper, and nothing I do currently works for what I am trying to get into."  I don't know how to make that sound computer related. And the same went for my "volunteer" stuff. I don't plan or work with anything, I pop popcorn and help kids dig in the dirt. I don't know how to make that again sound like I am good with anyone over the age of 10.

 

After doing that, I couldn't do much else. I was going to try, but I was just in this "i will never get an internship, which means I will never graduate, which means" mood. It was pretty much go to bed after that, leaving all the other goal stuff for another day.

And the parts I did do, I forgot to mark as being done. So I had 0 pts for yesterday. I at least opened the file today, so that is a step. I did notice I was doing some of the stuff off my list without it, but not as much as i should have been getting done.

 

Anyway, Going to retry today. However, I need do to more resume stuff. I need to get it fixed up so I can send it off by Friday for the thing I need it for. And then I need to start looking at internships. And I am back in the "I stink" funk. Great.

[Wobbegong]

21 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

Anyway, Going to retry today.

Time zones are hard but it's been 21 hours so I hope "today" has gone better so far! 

 

21 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

But after the talk of my resume to Hubby and working on it, I realized that resumes come down to "Hey, look how great I am!" which is something I am not comfortable with at all. I really don't do well with praising myself since I have been told forever that it leads to me having a big head and sounds egotistical and braggy. I honestly look at this and go "I suck on paper, and nothing I do currently works for what I am trying to get into."  I don't know how to make that sound computer related.

This is something many women I know, myself included, struggle with. I know @fleaball has had a lot of trouble with it, too. 

 

Off the top of my head, I can think of some traits you have that relate to work in programming or in any field that requires more than robotic repetition: you are logical and highly organized (your actions are even if you feel like your space isn't), you are a "self-starter," you have a highly developed skill for time management, and you are a problem solver. In addition to all of those lovely and highly marketable qualities, the programming industry has begun to shift away from sequestered engineers banging out their own projects from a cave and become more focused on collaboration (and bureaucracy, in some cases). So you can add your fantastic communication skills and ability to work with many different people in many different environments to your list. 

 

Keep in mind that things don't have to be part of your official job description to make it onto your resume. If your job description says "ensure the lab has an adequate supply of material prepared before class" and in practice doing that means figuring out who keeps breaking or dirtying your lab equipment and not replacing it properly, and then solving that issue, you can put that down as "negotiate with university faculty and staff to maintain laboratory supply standards" or something. 

 

To get into a better mindset for talking yourself up, you could practice by writing resumes for your kids to get them... I don't know... student council positions or something. You probably won't have any trouble listing some of the great traits and perspectives your kids bring to the table. 

 

Good luck and let us know if we can help! I am always happy to look at resumes. 

[Bean Sidhe]

On 11/7/2018 at 3:58 AM, Wobbegong said:

Time zones are hard but it's been 21 hours so I hope "today" has gone better so far! 

Yesterday started better, but well, that whole "everyone around Bean aren't safe" happened. I would love to say the person involved will be okay, but massive heart attack. last I heard, still touch and go, but they were starting to hope. I am hoping to hear more when I go into work today (Note, not super close, but someone I am still friendly with).

 

On 11/7/2018 at 3:58 AM, Wobbegong said:

This is something many women I know, myself included, struggle with. I know @fleaball has had a lot of trouble with it, too. 

 

Off the top of my head, I can think of some traits you have that relate to work in programming or in any field that requires more than robotic repetition: you are logical and highly organized (your actions are even if you feel like your space isn't), you are a "self-starter," you have a highly developed skill for time management, and you are a problem solver. In addition to all of those lovely and highly marketable qualities, the programming industry has begun to shift away from sequestered engineers banging out their own projects from a cave and become more focused on collaboration (and bureaucracy, in some cases). So you can add your fantastic communication skills and ability to work with many different people in many different environments to your list. 

 

My biggest thing is I hate talking myself up. I would rather give you 2 pages of references then half a page of "hey this is how great I am" I know I can work with people, and I am ready and willing to learn, but putting it in a document that says it is harder. Didn't help, the family member who was helping first basically made it one of these "works of fiction" that I just could not stomach.

 

On 11/7/2018 at 3:58 AM, Wobbegong said:

Keep in mind that things don't have to be part of your official job description to make it onto your resume. If your job description says "ensure the lab has an adequate supply of material prepared before class" and in practice doing that means figuring out who keeps breaking or dirtying your lab equipment and not replacing it properly, and then solving that issue, you can put that down as "negotiate with university faculty and staff to maintain laboratory supply standards" or something. 

 

To get into a better mindset for talking yourself up, you could practice by writing resumes for your kids to get them... I don't know... student council positions or something. You probably won't have any trouble listing some of the great traits and perspectives your kids bring to the table. 

 

Good luck and let us know if we can help! I am always happy to look at resumes. 

 

For the record, the official job description I was given when I started that job was "Come in, prep lab, do homework/twiddle thumbs for 2 hours, put lab away." But that was also almost 2 decades ago and we have grown and reorganized a few times, so I don't even know what my full job description is. I may make myself do the Agents later. That could be a good "Here, lets try it from this angle" moment. However, I need to get mine done. Which it kinda is, so we will see. Thanks for offering to read it. I asked MIL who use to work in HR to read it, so we will see what she says.

[Bean Sidhe]

So I forgot to update for Tues. I actually did better and after a bit of a panic attack over the resume, I got most of my stuff done. I did cave on the no sugar goal (really only the 2nd time this challenge) and it was more a dumb "I walked by the candy bowl from halloween and was eating it before I realized." But that and a thing of cookies have been out for awhile and I haven't gotten into them, so I am calling it a win.  Hubby also told me to do "Just my stretches" Tues after I had settled back down but felt defeated. Somehow just doing that, got me rolling and I got 28.8 pts for the day. So that helps. I know doing my goals helps and calms and keeps the anxiety under control, but for some reason, its getting started. I felt much better after doing them.

Weds was crazy. I actually only had the one morning kid and no one after which was nice. But more Youngest Agent has been feeling "off" Not sick, just blah, so I am keeping a close eye on her. Hubby and I turned the work of fiction my resume had become into something more manageble and sent it off. Its due Monday, but I would love to just be done with it on Friday.  I also have to remember while this is probably the one I am sending out for my internship, right now its just for "networking" so it doesn't have to be perfect. (Lie to me here). Again, Hubby told me to do my stretches and next thing you know, I got ALL my chores done and 30 pts. So that felt good. I have a ton of homework to work on, but I feel like I am getting somewhere.

 

So here is to hoping it really is changing for the better

[Tateman]

Oh man, I totally feel the same way with resumes. Mine are always more fact based. Like I did this here. My old boss actually helped me some with it awhile back. Adding in things like "Cut down on imaging service, saving the company 10%" or whatever type lines. Good Luck!