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DaemonCorax

DaemonCorax incubates and searches for goals

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So I've been on an off here for a long time. I'm currently moving toward the end of my first trimester incubating a tiny human. I'm trying to find new goals to set my sights on in my constantly adjusting physical world. After climbing my first bigwall (1200', 2.5 days) in June, this is a BIG change. I used to ride 8.5 miles to work and climb at the gym several days a week afterwards and these days I'm way too tired - it's definitely an either/or situation. So each week I set goals - this week it was to ride in 4 days and carpool home. But I was too tired to climb yesterday so I drove in this morning to get my evening climbing in; my shoulders need it. Eh.

 

Goals for the month:

1. Stay positive and patient. There's a reason I'm so tired: I'm not sleeping very well. I'm relearning how to eat. And I'm incubating a tiny human. So... yeah. If I'm tired it's not laziness. My usually self-motivation needs to be less negative. There's a huge mental mess happening here, and when it trickles over and makes me impatient and snarky at home, I feel like a jerk.

 

2. Do exercise 6 days a week. - this could be the 8.5 mi ride in, climbing, yoga, whatever. When I don't exercise my blood pressure gets out-of-whack low and I'm more dizzy and more tired than if I rode my bike ><.

 

3. Find a healthy way to eat at work. I work in a lab a lot and can't keep snack in my pockets. So then I go 4-5 hours without eating and feel SO sick. This is a major change from intermittent fasting.

 

4. Pick out incremental goals. We cancelled our wall trip for this week (no wonder!), but are going to Joshua Tree in November. I haven't dug through the guide book, but I know choosing routes to climb will give me motivation to move around when I'm tired and keep the vicious circle of tired-dizzy-couch-sore joints-bad sleep-tired.... at bay.

 

I also just want to talk to some folks on here to get some perspective. The pregnancy is a happy thing, and I know the baby is healthy, but I'm really wiped out and having trouble adjusting.

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Following.

33 minutes ago, DaemonCorax said:

I also just want to talk to some folks on here to get some perspective. The pregnancy is a happy thing, and I know the baby is healthy, but I'm really wiped out and having trouble adjusting.

There are no wrong feelings. Whatever you are feeling is ok to feel, because it's you feeling them. Your emotions are not a barometer of your character, and it's perfectly ok to have emotions that seem incongruous to a "happy" situation. 

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Following! Congratulations on your pregnancy, and I am going to echo what Tank says. Having a baby is a huge change - physically, emotionally and mentally. Whatever you feel is valid and totally ok - you might be incubating a tiny human but you're still a person in your own right and naturally you will have a personal response to these changes. 

 

 

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Thanks for this guys. I'm on day 10w +2d and I'm just not enjoying it. I'm angry about how not-myself I feel and how short-tempered I've gotten with MFH (which of course makes things worse). I've dealt with some mental dips before, but this seems like too much. And my body hates hormones.

 

As for the food stuff: I had blood drawn for the first appointment, so we'll see if there are any red flags, but I would be shocked if gestational diabetes was even an option. I've been eating more bread than before, but I'm not really a sweets and sugar person, so it doesn't make sense to me. My doc and my roomie (former trauma nurse) have both suggested I pick up some compression socks, so we'll see how that goes. Shoulder spasms sitting on the couch after dinner are a thing. Apparently my brachial artery may be getting unhappy with low blood pressure?

 

I was too tired last night to climb. Like practically in tears on the way to pick up MFH to carpool home. I tried some pull-ups in the basement. I got 6, but I had to rest between each one and the exertion (not the muscles) felt pretty rough. I rode in this morning pissed about being late to work, but too stubborn to drive.

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Congratulations! Agreeing with the others. Your body is going through big changes ad so are you,  you are going to have ups and downs emotionally. Generally speaking, the tiredness does get better in the second trimester, and doesn't hit again til the last part of the third trimester

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Congratulations!

 

During my first trimester I was sleeping upwards 16-20 hours a day (and a zombie the rest of the time), and the morning sickness was... well, let's say I lost 10+lbs. But I started feeling all right again around week 14-16w. I did have more sugar and comfort food cravings throughout pregnancy. (Joke on me--most of my comfort food is American brand from my childhood, and I live the UK now. Did you know that sellers on Amazon UK will charge extortionist prices to ship Saltine crackers across the pond?)

 

Just do what you can for now. Your body is trying to figure out how to incubate that small human, it's a huge shift. But it'll figure it out in the next few weeks and for most of us, the second trimester up to the last half of the third we feel pretty all right again. I could walk and hike several miles a day up until a couple of weeks before I delivered. 

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Well I had a typical-for-now weekend. Stretching and THEN bouldering at the gym Friday evening backfired and I over-rotated something in my lower back. Could barely walk Saturday morning and we were going on a climbing weekend 2 hours away. Saturday was really really rough. The hike in had me in tears. The first route I climbed (a 10a, but the grades at this location are pretty soft) went great, but the second pitch of our second route was WEIRD and lichen-y, and my shoulder ligaments were NOT cooperating. I was zonked after being out for only 4 hours.

 

We had friends with kids meeting us to climb Sunday. Sunday went much better. I hiked in slowly and we spent the day putting up easy routes for the kids. MFH and I both got to play on some .11s using the top rope I put up on a .9. The 9. Well I lead it, having climbed it before on a previous trip. I couldn't pull the roof on lead though and went around. It's like the muscles holding my shoulders together are doing double time because the ligaments aren't helping worth a damn. I DID reclimb the route later AND another one that dovetailed into the same roof, and got it both of those times. But wow, that was briefly soul-crushing.

 

Monday I woke up feeling like I'd been hit by a truck. I wasn't irritable or a jerk to MFH, so that's a plus. But I got a car ride into work with him rather than biking. I was doing great until around 5:30. Got super sick and didn't recover even after eating. All that "eat every hour of two" stuff does not work for my job.....so I crashed pretty hard.

 

This morning's bike ride in was beautiful, but I'm not sure the bagel I just ate is going to rescue me from another evening flop.

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Also: This weekend was a wake up call.

 

NEW GOAL: Do pull-ups everyday. Seriously. Unless it's an out-of-town climbing day.

 

I have an old injury in my left shoulder and I'm afraid that if I don't keep at it with pull-ups and ring exercises everyday the damn thing isn't going to stay in place and I'll lose time on the other side of pregnancy just trying to fix it again.

 

Today: I did two this morning. I have a crash pad under the bar in the basement so I don't have a big jump for it when I'm groggy and not awake yet. I do sit at a full dead hang before starting though.

 

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It's bagel time on Tuesday! That means it's update the challenge time too apparently. Yesterday's bagel didn't save me, nor did the little bit of cheese/veg/white pizza that was in the car when MFH picked me up from work. I zombie-d my way through making chili for the week, ate food, and face-planted on the couch. We have an old friend as a house guest and he's being very nice about my lack of socializing. lol.

 

I rode to work in spite of myself. Only time will tell if I crash in the next hour or if I get to go to the climbing gym.

 

I would love to stop waking up at funny hours.

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19 hours ago, DaemonCorax said:

I would love to stop waking up at funny hours.

Growing humans is hard work, and not always fun...the waking up at funny hours should stop about 18 years from now...actually 15, then you won't go to bed and will just stay up waiting (I'm only partly kidding :D )

Seriously though, be gentle with yourself, you're working hard even when it doesn't seem like you are

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Friday update. Yesterday MFH human and I tried to buck the trend of me being dead in the evenings, or at least work around it. We got up an hour early (ow) and went to the climbing gym BEFORE work. No bike ride, but I got to climb. My shoulders are thanking me. This is a much more workable solution that wishing I had more energy after 4:30.

 

A Wednesday evening visit to the chiropractor left me so dizzy and nauseous both the past two evenings that I'm not going back. I've had friends swear by it, and was looking for relief for my too-loose bones, but it is NOT for me. While the gym was great Thurs AM and work wasn't too bad, the evening saw me back on the floor, leaning on the couch, trying to eat dinner with only mild success.

 

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Today is a bit better. We're trying to stick with this getting up early thing and shoot for a 2 day a week gym morning. This means I'll ride the other three days, or we may ditch the car at the gym for the day and both ride to our jobs from there. Home->work is 8.5 miles. Gym->work is more like 3-4.

 

Last night MFH made the comment "if this is natural why is it so hard." Oh I laughed. I've been thinking that for weeks. He's taken seeing me as a fairly elite athlete to being a lump in better stride than I have, but I'm glad the lightbulb went on for him too. I've been less of a jerk and trying really hard not to get irritated with him, so maybe he's seeing it more clearly. Although I still exclaim grouchily if he accidentally drives enthusiastically enough to make me carsick. 0_0

 

Rode in this morning - 3 days this week. If I can make it through some pull ups this evening I'll feel like today was pretty good.

 

Mileage for the week: Roughly 33 including non-commute riding. The only reason it wasn't 4 days was I prioritized climbing. B+

Climbing: Weekend + Thursday morning B

Pull ups: Eh. I'd give myself a C-

Patience: Getting better. B

Eating: This has been a crap shoot. Fruit and English muffins are great and breakfast, and toasted bagel and cream cheese keeps saving my life. But I felt sick from a stupid decaf chai yesterday. Who knows. When I'm tired in the evening it gets bad. C

 

1WnT.gif

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Monday update. I'm very sluggish today. Very. I woke up at 5 am with a migraine and it's just not leaving me alone. Usually these either clear up in the afternoon, or coffee the second morning successfully banishes them. This morning's coffee was apparently ineffective.

 

Actually it was kind of a sluggish weekend. My roommate needed to be driven to urgent care and the the hospital in the morning, so all the planned things got delayed. It's not really a big deal - thankfully we were in town to drive her! And she's a wonderful roommate. But the middle of the day definitely got lost to sitting on the couch with the cat before working on some bike projects I've been meaning to get to.

 

Sunday's have been better that Saturday's for me recently, but this Sunday was mixed. Hiking in was fine as we went to climb an easy 3 pitch route. But I set my feet wrong on the starting crux and didn't have the "umph" for the big move, so I sat on the rope to reset. Once that happened, I cleared through that section and onward no problem. But then the 3rd pitch (Although we linked 2 and 3) also stared with a crux - a roof. And again, the muscles are still there, but the brain just wasn't making them do the things. I felt weak and tired on the two biggest moves of the whole route, and decisively lacking the power I usually have. It didn't help that the sneakers hanging off my harness got stuck on a horn of rock in the roof---lol. But the already-damaged nerves in my right foot were having a hell of a day and I was grateful to be able to throw them on at the top. Again, not great on the irritability front. But I caught my snark early I think.

 

106795784_smallMed_1494141122.jpg106647695_smallMed_1494128553.jpg

Caption 1: These two photos show the first crux, right at the start, in green and yellow.

 

106033333_smallMed_1494071337.jpg

Caption 2: A very old photo of someone fighting with the weird pitch 3 roof. The horn under his left side is basically what you pull up on to get there. Also, he's turn sideways from me - I ended up facing up the wall. So very strange!

 

Today I drove in so MFH could test out his bike mods and catch a ride home with me. Pull-ups and shoulder stuff is the goal for the evening.

Counting down to Wednesday when I cross that week 12 line and the end of trimester 1 is in sight.

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So The Goal #1 positivity took a hit yesterday evening. Pull-ups are hard. I can do three, but I need to pause an really collect myself between each one. My lats feel overstretched, probably because they are compensating for all the relaxin flooding my system. So I can do them, but they're so. much. harder. I went to bed cold and grouchy and woke up in the middle of the night hot and grouchy and begging for the ceiling fan. Sigh.

 

Goal #2 makes Monday my rest day. Yesterday I road my mountain bike to work. I had done some work on it this weekend and wanted to see what it felt like on my commute. It is more upright than my two roadbikes, so I want to get it in tip top shape before my belly starts to interfere with things. I did two pull-ups at the bike co-op and another at home. This morning we went to the gym. I got 5 routes and some support work (more pull-up variations on rings) in and hour. Then I rode the 2.3 miles in to work. I felt better at the end of it than I did in the morning, but, contrary to Goal #1, there was a lot of depressed feelings about my loss of energy at the gym.

 

Goal #3  of eating at work isn't much better. A bagel and cream cheese and a burrito seem to be the dual-lunch solution at the moment. But dinner has been incrementally better. I wasn't so nauseated last night, so I ate more. I have been eating only 30-40% of what a "normal" dinner used to look like for me.

 

Goal #4 of goal-setting is just depressing right now. I feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle to maintain strength, knowing it will set me up better for recovery and enjoying things after I give birth. But it kinda sucks.

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Question for my reading friends:

 

Anyone have any protein shake ideas they like? I'm worried about muscle loss for me and building blocks for the tiny cheese monster. I haven't been taking prenatal vitamins beside folate. My stomach was so iffy I didn't want to make it worse, and I do eat whole home-cooked foods. This week I've had both homemade beef chili and an Iranian butternut squash and potato stew with rice and goat milk yogurt. I'm going to look into vitamins this week as I settle in for trimester two with a hopefully less picky digestive system. But I worry about protein. I'm not a big smoothie and shake person, but I'm hoping something yogurt-based, or at least simple to make, might be something I could add to my routine.

 

Help?

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Sigh. Ok. So I'm being nicer to MFH, but I don't feel better. I'm just sitting on this feeling. A friend of mine said to me, with complete acceptance, that being pregnant was just about watching your world and what you can do get smaller and smaller. And here I'm sitting trying to hold onto muscle mass, energy, and just feeling like me, while most of the world tells me its a losing battle. Telling myself that all training I do now will make recovery easier and the gap smaller IS true. But it doesn't fuel the fire that got me from never climbing to climbing a big wall in Zion in less than 3 years. This is why this whole challenge focused on finding myself little incremental goals.

 

And I think I've found one.

 

So in looking into protein shakes I rediscovered something: The lifting and crossfit communities have WAY more information for continuing to stay strong through pregnancy. There simply aren't enough climbing moms out there, and the ones that write are (1) super high level or (2) don't have jobs. Then the lifting and bodybuilding communities know way more about building muscle and fueling your body than any stupid "walk and do yoga" nonsense targeted at pregnant women too. So. I'm going to start lifting again this winter. A close friend of mine is going to be lifting this winter to get strong for track racing. She and I are close, and we will laugh at my struggle through what is bound to be some silliness for me. I know every doctor on the planet says not to START a new routine while pregnant, but screw it. I've been lifting on and off for over 5 years. I know what does and doesn't feel right. I'm going to start light and train gently. I hope that this will give me strength and keep the feedback loops that keep my bones and muscles strong firing even while the tiny human is stealing everything it can get from me. I know what effort should and shouldn't feel like, so I'm not worried. I am looking forward to this. Starting light, I WILL see strength gains, as I haven't squatted seriously while climbing. I know I can still DL 175x5, so I'll start at 135 and see how it goes. I will be surprised if my body has resources to improve my climbing much in the next six months. But getting back in the lifting groove will help me maintain. Lifting has always been very head clearing for me, and it will be nice time to train with a friend who isn't a super strong experience climber (MFH can be a daunting training partner when I'm under the weather.)

 

Who knows. Maybe I'm grasping at straws and just need more naps.

 

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Yeah definitely!

 

One of the women who caught a bunch of angry words for lifting while pregnant had to point out that while she WAS squatting like 155 or 165lbs, it was only 40% of her max, so she was chillin'.

 

I'm not going to be there, but I think the reboot will give me something to get excited about instead of feeling like I'm clawing my way uphill trying to maintain certain climbing grades.

 

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Monday recap:

 

Either Thursday evening or Friday evening was kinda a mess in the mental health department. I can't actually remember at this point. Saturday was yard work day for me while MFH took the truck into his workplace for some maintenance. Sunday was a climbing day and damn if my brain just didn't work. We were going to run up the third flatiron as a simul climb with me leading on gear. In simul climbing the stronger climber goes second. Except I couldn't route find worth a damn, so we ended up pitching it out (ok) on a single half rope (less ok). My body responded very nicely to the hike in and the 800-1000 ft (depends on what website you look at) easy slab climb. Or I thought it did. My brain crashed even further hiking back down around 4, taking my mood along with it. I was super easily upset and insecure for the rest of the evening, barely salvaged by pasta. Last night was bad sleep and bad dreams after 4 am, so today I'm even worse. At least I rode to work.

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Sorry about the rough times. I don't climb, but I know some workout days, things just do go well. But usually it's better the next time. I'm prone to bad dreams too, ugh I hate that. Hope you sleep better tonight.

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Do the happy dance today! It's the last day of the first trimester! Let's hope my body gets the message and I start feeling a little better.

EDIT TWO DAYS LATER: I can't count. Last day is NEXT Wednesday. Bah. Lol. Etc.

EDIT ONE WEEK LATER: Nope. It really was over Wednesday. 13w+6 on 11/13.

 

I rode today, so that was nice. Yesterday morning as climbing gym morning, followed by just a short ride to work. We were hashing over things from my bad mood, so we were a bit late and it was an abbreviated workout. I got two laps in on the hand crack though. THe bones in my feet didn't hurt as much as a month ago so that's something. I'm sooooo slow though. Oof.

 

Last night MFH were at this bike class we teach at our co-op until 9. We grabbed quick food and by the time I got in bed I fell asleep so fast I barely registered him deciding to shower. (His job is dirtier than mine.) Still waking up at 3:30 or 4 am, frequently with numb hands. Food is marginally improving. Not much else to report. I'm gonna try to get to the gym a little earlier tomorrow so I have time for squats after climbing.

 

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Hah. Slow grey foggy morning. Totally didn't make it to the gym. But I guess I needed the rest and laziness.

 

I'm in a better mood, so of course my brain is wondering how to makeover our hall closet so it actually gets used when tiny human arrives. Right now its (1) painted a dark color and (2) has nothing but elfa shelves from the previous owner, stereo equipment, and 3 hangers in it. I think at the VERY least I need to paint it white and take the door off. I think we might actually use the space if we remembered its there. We bought our house with room to grow, so it hasn't been and urgent thing YET.

 

I realize the above is completely off topic, but I guess this is just where my brain goes. It says "hey, I don't feel terrible today, let's plan a project we don't have time for!"

 

Something like this, but with the electronics way up high:

entryway-closet-bench-entryway-coat-clos

 

Last night I cooked in spite of being an utter zombie after 6 pm.

 

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