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farflight

Episode 35....Farflight's not f-ing dead!

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2 hours ago, Grumble said:

No Thats Not How This Works GIF - No ThatsNotHowThisWorks ThatsNotHowAnyOfThisWorks GIFs

source.gif

 

On another update note: weekend was painting and domestic bliss...cleaning, cooking, cleaning, laundry, painting, cleaning, painting...etc. Had a friend give me 5 hydrangea cuttings and a mimosa tree...yea for plants!.....and diablo iii on my switch...um yea, lots of killing

 

I started this monday adulting so hard I think I pulled something: 

1) woke up on time (i.e. 5:15 ish)

2) did bodyweight circuit

3) went for a mile run 

4) drank smoothie and coffe

5) ....made it to work on time.....

 

10 year old me would be disappointed if he wasn't drooling over more demon runs this evening...might do pizza fo dinner

 

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On 11/5/2018 at 12:21 PM, Grumble said:
Quote

 

Any reason you decided to run at a 8 minute pace? That's kinda fast.

Self-control and pacing are weaknesses of mine...I tend to be one of those people that has two speeds...on...and not. There really isn't much in between.

 

Here is yesterdays run...

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There was a decent bit of walking mixed in after the first 10 minutes. On a side note, according to fitbit's VO2 calculations, I'm back into...*drumroll*..."VERY GOOD" cardiovascular health (VO2 max score of 50 by fitbit calculations). 

 

Adulted extra hard again this morning. Got out of bed at 6, did the bodyweight circuit, added 2 chin/pull ups on the reps, still using chair assist. Jump steps get a little hard when you run the previous day. Then hit the streets for a mile walk in the rain before heading into work. 

 

It feels really good to be back in the swing of some sort of fitness routine. I knew I missed it, but didn't realize how much. Also, really glad to be back here

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38 minutes ago, farflight said:

It feels really good to be back in the swing of some sort of fitness routine. I knew I missed it, but didn't realize how much. Also, really glad to be back here

My thoughts when I read this.

 

Admit It You Missed Me Stephanie Mcmahon GIF - AdmitItYouMissedMe StephanieMcmahon Wwe GIFs
 
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2 hours ago, farflight said:

 

Adulted extra hard again this morning. Got out of bed at 6, did the bodyweight circuit, added 2 chin/pull ups on the reps, still using chair assist. Jump steps get a little hard when you run the previous day. Then hit the streets for a mile walk in the rain before heading into work. 

 


I warms my heart to know other people (who have also been grown for many years) are also still working at adulting. Damnit, childing was so much easier. 

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3 hours ago, Grumble said:

My thoughts when I read this.

 

Admit It You Missed Me Stephanie Mcmahon GIF - AdmitItYouMissedMe StephanieMcmahon Wwe GIFs
 

....

..

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47 minutes ago, Harriet said:

warms my heart to know other people (who have also been grown for many years) are also still working at adulting. Damnit, childing was so much easier. 

Honestly, I think my biggest problem is finding the balance between adulting and childing. I think I specced too heavy into adulting as a child (honestly, when people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I typically responded with "older" or "an adult."). Aside from video games and exercise, I've got no real passions or things I really enjoy besides cooking.

 

I don't tend to get excited about movies, events, politics, etc. I tend to just go through each day, find a few little joys (e.g. the perfect piece of bacon (spoiler: any of them), cooking new things), but I have no real passion...or calling...at least not yet, and that kinda makes me sad. 

giphy.gif

 

Welp...that got heavyish quick...students should be done with lunch. Time to distract myself with student assessments.

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18 minutes ago, farflight said:

....

..

tenor.gif

Nope Bulma GIF - Nope Bulma Sike GIFs
 
18 minutes ago, farflight said:

Honestly, I think my biggest problem is finding the balance between adulting and childing. I think I specced too heavy into adulting as a child (honestly, when people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I typically responded with "older" or "an adult."). Aside from video games and exercise, I've got no real passions or things I really enjoy besides cooking.

I was typing up a video game reference when yours popped up. How dare you.

 

18 minutes ago, farflight said:

I don't tend to get excited about movies, events, politics, etc. I tend to just go through each day, find a few little joys (e.g. the perfect piece of bacon (spoiler: any of them), cooking new things), but I have no real passion...or calling...at least not yet, and that kinda makes me sad. 

giphy.gif

Wait, didn't you just say your passionate about cooking? Do more with that. Also video games and exercises. Those all sound like things you can deeply passionate about. Why do you need to be passionate about all the things other people are? Are you all the other people too?

 

18 minutes ago, farflight said:

Welp...that got heavyish quick...students should be done with lunch. Time to distract myself with student assessments.


In case you hadn't noticed, we do heavy here. Heavy weights, heavy feels. All the heavies.

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1 hour ago, farflight said:

 

Honestly, I think my biggest problem is finding the balance between adulting and childing. I think I specced too heavy into adulting as a child (honestly, when people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I typically responded with "older" or "an adult."). Aside from video games and exercise, I've got no real passions or things I really enjoy besides cooking.

 

I don't tend to get excited about movies, events, politics, etc. I tend to just go through each day, find a few little joys (e.g. the perfect piece of bacon (spoiler: any of them), cooking new things), but I have no real passion...or calling...at least not yet, and that kinda makes me sad. 

 

Welp...that got heavyish quick...students should be done with lunch. Time to distract myself with student assessments.

 

I'm going to add to the heavy, because this sounds a lot like me and maybe it's not inevitable.....

 

Anhedonia (lack of pleasure or interest in things) is a symptom of depression. Together with lack of energy and motivation, it's part 3 of my trio of evil arch-nemeses. I don't have the extremely negative thought patterns associated with depression, because CBT has been very effective for me with combatting those. But the evil trio are proving extremely resilient and it's been difficult to even make a dent in their HP. Anyway, food and video games were two of the only things that I was interested in at my worst. Food because it's reliably pleasurable, and games because I get a sense of achievement and power. Getting out in the world and doing more things has been a real grind for me over the last few years. But I recently got obsessed with lifting. It was f***ing awesome because usually I try things and I'm like "meh, can I lie down now?" But the progression of weights is just like levelling up a character, so it's exciting, yay. Anyway, you should definitely try some different things because you don't know just by thinking about it what will click for you. But also keep your antenna up for things that your thoughts keep circling around to, or that you thought about but then dismissed because it seemed too scary. Those are good hints that should be investigated. And you should definitely keep looking after your physical health and be nice to yourself because there might be biological causes for your anhedonia as well. I'm going to write something about that in my thread now because I just found some interesting research on it. 
 

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1 hour ago, Harriet said:

Anhedonia

ahhhh good old depression...thank god I burned that jackass outta the house a while ago. He has a constant eviction notice in my head (probably one of the reasons why I keep moving soo much)...2Aq6.gif...which is why I NEVER venture into my headspace without a buddy system of some sort in place. Have been on all 3 sides of the depression equation, sufferer, friend/family of sufferer, and professional working with client. (and I do see a therapist on a regular basis...not as much as Chris Traeger, but I see mine at least 1/month)

 

I've got pretty good defenses up against the depression. Its not that I don't enjoy things, I do enjoy them, I just don't get that same level of excitement as other people. 

 

Probably part of it is a little carryover from childhood that my hobbies/interests aren't "cool" enough (childhood wasn't that great tbh). I do have some moments where I feel good enough/cool enough whatever...but thats typically being borrowed from other people's points of view. If I can't see it, I try to believe that others have a better view than I do (e.g. several co-workers have said I'm: cute, attractive, one teacher's daughter said "really cute...", and marketable...one person has told me in the past month "you're sexy as fuck") which all those comments still blow my mind, specially the last one. I just really don't see it. I still see the fat, boring me who hated being around himself, let a lone other people. 

 

Growth is slow, but still growth. This weekend should be an interesting event, going to Alabama for a football game and may end up seeing some old friends and many old demons, but I do have a friend going with me. He'll help keep me grounded.

 

And heavy is good...

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Edited by farflight
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8 hours ago, Grumble said:

Why do you need to be passionate about all the things other people are? Are you all the other people too?

 

You don't. And you're not.

 

Be you. Just you. Yes, it is much easier to do that on the internet where we have (perceived) anonymity to hide behind, and it might seem like a pointless exercise at first. But it's very, very, worth it. That took me about 40 years to figure out, by the way. Learn fro my mistakes and don't take quite as long... :) 

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19 hours ago, farflight said:

ahhhh good old depression...thank god I burned that jackass outta the house a while ago. He has a constant eviction notice in my head (probably one of the reasons why I

Probably part of it is a little carryover from childhood that my hobbies/interests aren't "cool" enough (childhood wasn't that great tbh). I do have some moments where I feel good enough/cool enough whatever...but thats typically being borrowed from other people's points of view. If I can't see it, I try to believe that others have a better view than I do (e.g. several co-workers have said I'm: cute, attractive, one teacher's daughter said "really cute...", and marketable...one person has told me in the past month "you're sexy as fuck") which all those comments still blow my mind, specially the last one. I just really don't see it. I still see the fat, boring me who hated being around himself, let a lone other people. 

 

 

That's some pretty nice compliments! Sexy as fuck stands out in particular :D Yeah, I haven't figured out how to change my view of myself, either. The only thing I could think of is to focus on virtuous character traits (kind, reliable, honest) rather than appearance or social performance (beautiful, funny, interesting). Because how I act and treat people is under my control, while the rest is only kinda. Lifting also helps (again, it friggin helps with everything) because it takes the focus off my appearance and puts it on what I do. I'm trying to cut some more of the strings between me and what people think of me, because honestly, doing what other people want doesn't even make them like you more... it just drizzles a little water on your internal fires. But yeah, it's hard. 

 

Anyway, super cool that you have a two person party to face the demons. Have fun at the football! 

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3 hours ago, Harriet said:

Lifting also helps (again, it friggin helps with everything)

 

I have this t-shirt: 

 

Lifting - Cheaper Than Therapy Womens T-Shirt

 

It goes on trips with me. :) 

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21 minutes ago, scalyfreak said:

 

I have this t-shirt: 

 

Lifting - Cheaper Than Therapy Womens T-Shirt

 

It goes on trips with me. :) 

 

I need to find that in mens. (size wise, I'd absofuckinglutely rock a shirt with a pink barbell.)

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Well, last week was a wash. Somehow, after going out of town for the weekend, my engine was just stuck in low gear with a whole lot of 'don't give a fucks'...

 

Didn't help that it got cold as crap for a few days and I guess I mentally wasn't prepared for winter...

giphy.gif

 

I actually registered zero...yes...buckshot...0.0 activity last week...

RichMerryAltiplanochinchillamouse-max-1m

 

BUT..I shall rally in the next challenge. This was a good effort to get back on the horse so to speak.

 

One HUGE challenge win was that I finished the bathroom!

 

Reminder, this is what it was...

unnamed-3.thumb.jpg.5ad82f2091c40479353eb4b7562ef72b.jpg

 

This is what it is now...*drumroll*

unnamed.thumb.jpg.3e87cd5552c6645836622c43ae08c53a.jpg

unnamed-2.thumb.jpg.9fba87720586eeaf89dd196099cdd383.jpgunnamed-1.thumb.jpg.a1927f6b30b5c2b434119609d08911c5.jpg

 

Time to start working on next challenge goals!

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2 hours ago, farflight said:

Well, last week was a wash. Somehow, after going out of town for the weekend, my engine was just stuck in low gear with a whole lot of 'don't give a fucks'...

 

Didn't help that it got cold as crap for a few days and I guess I mentally wasn't prepared for winter...

 

BUT..I shall rally in the next challenge. This was a good effort to get back on the horse so to speak.

 

 

Neato! I like the stripes! Yeah... I think we all know that low gear no fucks left thing... Oh well. On to the next challenge! New opportunities for glory, written on a fresh sheet! 

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