traaki spots a pattern.

[traaki]

Friends! As ever, I come to the rebellion to stay focused on my long-term goals and also to post lots of gifs. 

 

Last month was spotty. The month before that was...spotty. It's been spotty! Turns out it takes a while to rebuild your life when you change everything all at once.  Almost all my quests are identical to last month's, and the month before that too...third verse, same as the first. Building my spotty pattern. 

 

 

Q1: Walk two times a week. 

On my last two challenges, this is the only one I didn't complete. The main struggle seems to be that I expect to be able to do this in the evenings but don't actually plan it. 

 

Q2: Eat a salad for lunch three days a week. 

I nailed this the first time, and the second time...not so much. We *still* don't have a working fridge, which makes salads a bit challenging.  So, until the fridge arrives, I'll commit to eating a piece of fruit for a snack once a day.  When the fridge arrives, SALAD CLUB BABY!

 

Q3: Workout twice a week, bike once a week.

I've been totally nailing this one.  I am caught up on my workouts for the year and I've even been doing a short yoga session after each bodyweight workout for the past two-ish weeks.  I don't want to stress myself out by making this harder in terms of quantity, so the official quest is the same. But I commit to upgrading one activity per workout to a harder version. So, if it's wall pushups, I go to knee pushups.  

 

Q4: Cross stitch (or work on a design) every day.

I've been making serious progress on these over the last two challenges. I have one project being stitched and a second being designed--if I can get these done then I'm super super close to having the whole Kickstarter finished.  (I am really hoping to get them finished before NaNo starts on November 1, but, you know, we'll see what happens.)

 

Overall:

I'm feeling a little discombobulated after a week of vacation, and I'm about to leave on Wednesday for a business trip (with two talks to deliver, yikes).  The broken fridge is hard to deal with and we have a new long-term house guest so the dynamics at home are shifting.  I'm trying super hard not to get depressed about the environment and our political situation more generally.  I want to be writing more and completing more projects, which is bumping up against some very deeply buried fears about how maybe I suck as a writer and how maybe writing is a waste of time anyway.  YOU KNOW. EASY STUFF. 

 

But I laugh at a challenge. Let's do this. 

 

[Manarelle]

Welcome back. Nothing wrong with doubling or tripling down on a challenge - take the time you need to really nail it. For those sneaking fears, might it help to revisit why you write, and point out that practice makes perfect? Pretty much every good author I know of has fought with those fears. (Good summaries here.) Keep it up.

[RogueLibrarian]

 

11 hours ago, traaki said:

I want to be writing more and completing more projects, which is bumping up against some very deeply buried fears about how maybe I suck as a writer and how maybe writing is a waste of time anyway.  YOU KNOW. EASY STUFF. 

 

are ... are you me

 

[traaki]

 

On 10/23/2018 at 6:41 AM, Manarelle said:

Welcome back. Nothing wrong with doubling or tripling down on a challenge - take the time you need to really nail it. For those sneaking fears, might it help to revisit why you write, and point out that practice makes perfect? Pretty much every good author I know of has fought with those fears. (Good summaries here.) Keep it up.

1

1

Thank you for those links. The one about playing piano got me all verklempt. It really is about practice; I just...it's hard to put things out there after so many years of not sharing my work. 

 

On 10/23/2018 at 8:31 AM, RogueLibrarian said:

are ... are you me

 

I can only hope so, because then I'd be a badass ninja librarian who eats a lot of vegetables.  Or maybe we're both Bruce Willis? ANYWAY YAY COMRADES IN ARTISTIC ANXIETY!

 

 

[traaki]

CHALLENGE TRACKER POST

Week 1: (work travel)

1. Go for a walk twice a week. 5/2

2. Salad lunch three times a week. 3/3

3. Days stitched: M, W, F, Sa, Su

4. UPGRADED Work out twice a week; ride my bike once a week. 2/2; 0/1

 

Week 2:

1. Go for a walk twice a week. 2/2

2. Salad lunch three times a week. 5/3

3. Days stitched: M, W, Th, F, Su

4. UPGRADED Work out twice a week; ride my bike once a week. 2/2; 0/1

5. NEW: Work on my novel every day: Th, F, Sa, Su

 

Week 3: (Work travel, fun travel) 

1. Go for a walk twice a week. 1/2

2. Salad lunch three times a week. 2/3

3. Days stitched: Tu, W, Th, F, Sa

4. UPGRADED Work out twice a week; ride my bike once a week. 1/2; 0/1

5. NEW: Work on my novel every day: M, Tu, W, Th, F

 

Week 4:

1. Go for a walk twice a week. 0/2

2. Salad lunch three times a week. 2/3

3. Days stitched: M, Tu, W, Th, F

4. UPGRADED Work out twice a week; ride my bike once a week. 2/2; 0/1

5. NEW: Work on my novel every day: W, Th, F

           

[traaki]

Week 1: 

1. Go for a walk twice a week. 2/2

I walked to get my hair cut yesterday and to dinner today. The rest of the week I'm at a conference so MORE WALKING YAY!  While I do love a good meandering stroll, I'm happiest when my walks can be built into other activities because I hate cars and also because I actually get it done.  

 

2. Salad lunch three times a week. 2/3

We have a replacement fridge! It's not the fridge we bought, but it works. I'm traveling this week so if I can get some solid veggies in one more day, I'm golden. 

 

3. Days stitched: M, W

I'm not sure the conference days (Th-Sa) will happen, but I'm going to get at least a few stitches in tonight before bed. 

 

4. UPGRADED Work out twice a week; ride my bike once a week. 2/2; 0/1

Workouts achieved! The app I use has a super simple way to replace with something easier or harder, so I did that and it was awesome.  I think I've been on a slightly too easy level and this felt good.  As for biking, I probably will just swap that for a third workout this week because of traveling. 

 

In general, I'm feeling pretty good despite the travel (last week traveling, this week traveling...traveling in early November....it just don't quit. Remind me not to submit talks at so many conferences/camps.) 

 

I need to get to sleep because it's a big week.  Two presentations on Friday, one of which is brand new. Also the first technical talk I've given in ages sooooo yeah.

[Manarelle]

On 10/25/2018 at 1:11 AM, traaki said:

I need to get to sleep because it's a big week.  Two presentations on Friday, one of which is brand new. Also the first technical talk I've given in ages sooooo yeah.

 

Rah rah rah, you've got this.  Grats on a successful first week. And understood on the sharing issue - it can be intimidating putting things out there, especially if you've run afoul of unsupportive people in the past. Hope the presentation day is going/ went well. 

[traaki]

On 10/26/2018 at 9:40 AM, Manarelle said:

Rah rah rah, you've got this.  Grats on a successful first week. And understood on the sharing issue - it can be intimidating putting things out there, especially if you've run afoul of unsupportive people in the past. Hope the presentation day is going/ went well. 

Thanks for the encouragement! Both went pretty well if not smashingly well...I'll take it!

 

[traaki]

Week 1 Report: 

1. Go for a walk twice a week. 5/2

2. Salad lunch three times a week. 3/3

3. Days stitched: M, W, F, Sa, Su

4. UPGRADED Work out twice a week; ride my bike once a week. 2/2; 0/1

Overall pretty good. I missed a couple of days of stitching, and I didn't get my make-up workout in (to take the place of my bike ride).  But to do that well on an exceptionally challenging week (one where I accomplished some goals I've been dreaming of for several years)...I feel pretty damn good about that.  I don't think I'm the person who can work out on presentation days yet, but the fact that I *thought* I'd be able to do so still feels like progress.

 

Week 2...we have some more house guests! It's like I live in a hostel sometimes. I missed my workout today because I desperately needed to sleep in, but I think I'll be able to make up for that later in the week. In general I'm just trying to keep things moving and it's okay if a few things fall off here and there. 

 

Overall...I actually feel pretty good, but like, every person I know is going through some major life shit (dying parents, job changes, divorces, etc etc etc) so I am spending a lot of time in a support role.  I don't mind it because I feel like things are going pretty well for me personally and I'm happy to be able to support my friends and family.  I just notice that I'm feeling a little worn down and may need to address that with some extra sleep or downtime. 

[Manarelle]

9 hours ago, traaki said:

Overall pretty good. I missed a couple of days of stitching, and I didn't get my make-up workout in (to take the place of my bike ride).  But to do that well on an exceptionally challenging week (one where I accomplished some goals I've been dreaming of for several years)...I feel pretty damn good about that.  I don't think I'm the person who can work out on presentation days yet, but the fact that I *thought* I'd be able to do so still feels like progress.

 

Congrats on nailing that week to the wall. I'd definitely count considering working out as progress - means you felt good enough that it was still an option, even if ultimately deciding not to overtax yourself by doing it. Keep at it, and one day you'll hit that tipping point.

 

10 hours ago, traaki said:

Overall...I actually feel pretty good, but like, every person I know is going through some major life shit (dying parents, job changes, divorces, etc etc etc) so I am spending a lot of time in a support role.  I don't mind it because I feel like things are going pretty well for me personally and I'm happy to be able to support my friends and family.  I just notice that I'm feeling a little worn down and may need to address that with some extra sleep or downtime. 

 

 

Takes skill to recognize that early, good catch. Take care of you, too. 

[traaki]

Okay, so.  A few things have changed. 

 

A. NaNo started, and I'm going to be doing NaNoEdMo (50 hours of editing) on the novel I wrote *last* year. So, I need to incorporate that here 

B. I've shifted my focus from just stitching every day to making *any* progress on kickstarter rewards. Mostly still stitching but there are a few rewards lingering aside from that. 

 

Do I desperately wish I weren't doing both of those things? Yes, yes, I do.  But previous Tara did not care about that so here I am.  Also, NaNo is giving me that old "YOU DON'T HAVE TIME TO WORRY ABOUT YOUR SHOES YOU NEED TO BE WORKING" feeling, which I love. Temporary hyperfocused productivity! 

 

Week 2:

1. Go for a walk twice a week. 0/2 -- Tomorrow I have a walk planned and should be able to get one in on Sunday too.

2. Salad lunch three times a week. 3/3 -- YAY! It took some heroic effort to get materials, but I DID IT.

3. Days stitched/kickstarted: M, W, Th,  -- I delivered two rewards and now I only have 5 left. SO CLOSE.

4. UPGRADED Work out twice a week; ride my bike once a week. 2/2; 0/1 -- I'll be real, biking is not super likely this week. But I got my workouts in!

5. NEW: Work on my novel every day: Th, F -- so far I'm just getting little snatches of time in, but I'm hoping Sunday will be a big day for me. 

[traaki]

On 10/30/2018 at 9:15 AM, Manarelle said:

Congrats on nailing that week to the wall. I'd definitely count considering working out as progress - means you felt good enough that it was still an option, even if ultimately deciding not to overtax yourself by doing it. Keep at it, and one day you'll hit that tipping point.

 

 

 

Takes skill to recognize that early, good catch. Take care of you, too. 

 

Thanks, Mana. I sort of hit a wall last night where I'd elected to spend some time with my partner because he was clearly distressed....which then took a long long time and I was resentful because we'd both agreed I could spend last night writing.  Then this morning my sister wanted to talk about some important stuff during my one allocated thirty-minute block for writing. Nobody is being malicious, they just need support and are not super aware of my needs. Which is tiring me out. 

 

I'm not totally sure how to draw the boundaries I need.  I see that people need support and it's hard to say, "Yeah, I get that you're concerned about major life changes, but like I REALLY NEED TO REMOVE ALL PASSIVE VERBS FROM THIS SCENE RIGHT NOW". But without the time to work on this, I get real sad and angry.

 

So, that's a work-in-progress. 

[traaki]

Week 2 Final Report

1. Go for a walk twice a week. 2/2

2. Salad lunch three times a week. 5/3

3. Days stitched: M, W, Th, F, Su

4. UPGRADED Work out twice a week; ride my bike once a week. 2/2; 0/1

5. NEW: Work on my novel every day: Th, F, Sa, Su

 

All around a good week.  I missed the bike ride and am realizing that I need to reschedule that if I'm going to get it in this week.  Because this week is....MORE WORK TRAVEL! :lolsob: 

 

Good news is plane time for editing my novel! Quiet time in the hotel! I'm also going to a gaming convention over the weekend so that's gonna be busy and hard to keep up with good habits ("what do you mean I shouldn't eat Cheetos for lunch at 3:30 pm?" "standing up? never heard of it!" etc.) But I love going and I think it will mostly be okay. 
 

I'm also trying to think of good things to do tomorrow night instead of watching returns and being on social media, both of which feel like surefire ways to ruin my day/week/next two years.

 

In other news, I had a knee injury about two months ago where my knee was mysteriously swollen and painful, limited range of movement, and some soreness in the surrounding muscles. It went away after about a month.  SADLY it just came back and I still have no idea why. My workout on Friday felt really good at the time, followed by some intense DOMS, and now this weird knee thing.  I intuitively think it has to do with insufficient stretching of my hip and other leg muscles, so I took some time this morning to do a hips-focused yoga session so we'll see if that helps.  

[Manarelle]

Grats on a solid week. What are some ideas for things to do other than social media/ reruns?

 

Sorry to hear about your knee, would it be possible to get in to a dr to check it out, or would it be gone by the time an appointment happened? Hope the yoga helped...

[traaki]

On 11/6/2018 at 10:47 AM, Manarelle said:

Grats on a solid week. What are some ideas for things to do other than social media/ reruns?

 

I ended up baking a cake.  I cook a lot but really do not bake.  I...found it as frustrating and boring as usual, and the cake was not very good. But at least it kept me from watching talking heads and election coverage all night.

 

On 11/6/2018 at 10:47 AM, Manarelle said:

Sorry to hear about your knee, would it be possible to get in to a dr to check it out, or would it be gone by the time an appointment happened? Hope the yoga helped...

It did help! About a day after I posted, the pain/stiffness was gone. There's definitely some weird mechanical things with my knees in general and I think this might just be a new and exciting variant on the theme of muscle imbalance etc.  So probably worth seeing a PT for to hopefully make some more focused progress.  

[traaki]

Final Report, Week 3: (Work travel, fun travel) 

1. Go for a walk twice a week. 1/2

2. Salad lunch three times a week. 2/3

3. Days stitched: Tu, W, Th, F, Sa

4. UPGRADED Work out twice a week; ride my bike once a week. 1/2; 0/1

5. NEW: Work on my novel every day: M, Tu, W, Th, F

 

This week was *tough* so I feel pretty happy despite not having great results.  Two days of air travel (including a 5 hr delay), 1.5 days of delivering trainings, 2 days of intense day-long boardgames, plus the elections.  I worked really hard to keep up momentum on both the novel and the stitching, even when it was small stuff.  Salads, walks and workouts just coasted on the strength of the habit--I didn't put a ton of work toward making sure they happened, but I *did* make good choices when they were relatively easy to make. 

 

This coming week is going to be easier but I'm feeling the late start of flying home today. Missed today's workout...still, I'm trying not to add more stress by being disappointed. I'll get done what I get done! Choose motion over perfection.  Some workouts are better than none. Some salads are better than none.

 

I keep waiting for things to slow down but the reality is they don't. I do want to find some ways to stay no to requests from other people--but also to realize that it never calms down.  It just changes. 

[traaki]

Check-in Week 4:

1. Go for a walk twice a week. 0/2

2. Salad lunch three times a week. 2/3

3. Days stitched: M, Tu, W, Th, F

4. UPGRADED Work out twice a week; ride my bike once a week. 2/2; 0/1

5. Work on my novel every day: W, Th, F

 

Workouts and stitching: Yay! Novel and salads: Pretty yay! Ever leaving my house at all: Not yay. 

 

I was sick Tuesday so that day is pretty much a wash. Today I made the world's most pathetic salad (microwaved broccoli, some lunch meat laid over the top, drizzled with ranch dressing) but dammit it counts.  I'm guessing at the end of this challenge, not much will have changed. 

 

I will say I got up super early this morning, and while I pretty much hate mornings and have given up on ever being a morning person, it was GLORIOUS. I had an hour for workouts + shower + leisurely breakfast with my dad, then I still had TWO HOURS for working on my novel before work. It was magical. 

 

I'm leaving town for two weeks so zero week will be travel + thanksgiving, week one will be travel + work + ALL THE SOCIALIZING.  You'll all be shocked to know that I am probably going to...keep the exact same challenge!  

 

The main thing I am up in the air about is walking twice a week. I know it's good/great for me. I don't know why I haven't gone out and done it, because I really like being outside.  I think the answer is mostly just inertia--I'm a serious homebody when I can be, and all this travel just compounds things. I feel like I may have more impact on my life with a different quest--either reducing my diet soda intake or trying to standardize breakfast or my snacks.  It's the only thing I've failed at consistently, despite trying to schedule it, trying to go with a buddy, trying to reframe it...I don't know. It's just not a high enough priority. 

[Manarelle]

On 11/17/2018 at 12:17 AM, traaki said:

Workouts and stitching: Yay! Novel and salads: Pretty yay! Ever leaving my house at all: Not yay. 

 

Two out of three ain't bad.  You do have a pretty crazy schedule, and I hear you on "it never calms down." If the walking isn't working, definitely try something else. If you don't really enjoy it, you won't do it much. Set it aside, refocus on something you can do, and move on. Overall, looks like a pretty good challenge. Good luck with the travel and socializing, see you next challenge?