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Tigera - Better Late Than Never

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Hi! I'm a long-time-lurker and occasional-poster who's back again. I'm in my early twenties, female, and just started my first job out of college. I have a complicated relationship with food and fitness that I hope to start healing.



I had (have? do these things ever really go away?) an eating disorder that started when I was in high school. I would go through cycles of binging and restricting. My mom was constantly dieting when I was young, so I was exposed to a lot of different theories. I first decided to try eating Paleo when I was in middle school. I did it because I thought I needed to lose weight. Things get more tangled up because I have a large number of food allergies and sensitivities. I'm allergic (as in, go-to-the-emergency-room-allergic) to nuts. I've showed up as "sensitive" on allergy tests to wheat, dairy, soy, and nightshades--basically, everything the Paleo diet tells you to cut. My allergist also warned me that he suspects I'm more likely than most to develop an autoimmune disorder. He recommended I cut wheat, dairy, and sugar. This is incredibly difficult for me to do in a healthy way, as it is what my ED!brain hyperfocused on doing way back when. It's tricky to follow my doctor's recommendation without falling into dangerous patterns.


Back in high school, I also worked out a lot. I was on the cross country team and had practice after school most days. I was also actively involved in martial arts and was in the dojo about four hours a week. I also regularly berated myself for not being good enough at either of these activities and for not practicing them more on my own time.


During college I sporadically did some weight training. I enjoyed the activity but hated the weight room. Being surrounded by buff, hyper-masculine dudes made me very self conscious. I loathe running now. I'd like to find a new dojo, but even that's complicated. I'm nervous about doing any group classes because of how out of shape I currently am. I also stopped going to my last dojo because of harassment by one of the instructors, who had been a close family friend. 


Main Quest

Heal my relationship with food, exercise, and my body.


Starting Quests

  • Find a local therapist. I've been video conferencing my therapist from university, but I need to find someone who (a) I can see in person, (b) is on my new work insurance, and (c) has enough availability to see me twice a week.
  • Reduce fast food and increase cooking (wrt dinner). I currently eat a lot of Chipotle because it's an easy option that is dairy and gluten free. It's also expensive and has a buttload of salt without many veggies. My goal is to make my own dinner 3x a week, as a start.
  • Get moving! This one has two parts
    • Investigate gyms. Look for a place to workout that I will be comfortable at. It could be a gym, dojo, dance studio, or something completely different. I would love to eventually return to regular martial arts and weight training, but that's not what this quest is about. It's about finding somewhere I will feel comfortable and safe exercising. I likely need to find a space that is all or majority women as a start, which effectively rules out weight training and martial arts. 
    • Walk more. I have a desk job and have been nervous about exploring my neighborhood. Those things together mean that I don't walk much at all anymore. I'm currently averaging about 3k steps a day. As a start, I'd like to get that up to 4k steps a day. My plan is that once I have a week where I met my step goal every day, I will increase the goal by 500 steps (until I hit 10k). For now, we're starting at 4,000 steps a day.


And that's it, my backstory and my goals. My focus is on mental health, with food and exercise as the battlefronts I'm fighting on this day. I know I'm a bit late to the party, but I hope you'll welcome me anyway(:

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