Nova Fights for a Better Future, One Day at a Time

[Novaurora]

Nothing like being 2 months away from 30 and feeling vastly disappointed about how your 20s are about to end.  I know this isn't a great way to start, but this is where I am today.  But I'm not all that surprised either.  Follow through hasn't been my thing for years, except here.  So why I left, I have no clue, but I'm back.  Though I'll tell you, this battle log will be less about the last 10 pounds I really should lose, and more about regaining a girl who was fearless, passionate, and driven.  Who found adventure and spurned what convention demanded from her.  I need to find her before I go crazy in the boring life I have settled into. 

 

My 22 year old self hates that I have abandoned most of the things I held on to for dear life when I was younger: writing, travel, pursuit of knowledge and adventure.  We traded all those things in for stability, but I've come to learn it wasn't worth it.  New ventures became risks, not challenges.  Writing became an occasional hobby, not the integral fabric on which my existence is printed. Life became safe and monotonous.  Social media became more important than books.  Chats more important than actual conversations.  My job became a web of papers and responsibilities in which I am trapped. 

 

And I live in this, accepting it on most days because what else is there to do?  BUT this feeling of self loathing creeps back in on the rare occasion that I finish a good book that spoke to my soul and wonder what kind of author I could have been.  Or when I remember back to my days of travel in my early 20s, and wonder why my life seems to have stopped in place.  And that's where I find myself today, having just finished Us Against Them, by Fredrick Bachman, knowing I have 85 essays to grade, and hating that all my time seems claimed by obligations.

 

So here I am.  Back at the only place where my follow through was ever worth shit, hoping that a battle log works better than half abandoned challenges and wanting, more than ever, to take back my life.

 

So, for the time being:

Step One: Find tiny adventures.  Invite spontaneity back into my life.  Make it fit where it can 

Step two: Take social media off my phone (already done) and reclaim the time I lose down bullshit rabbitholes

Step Three: Have a schedule and keep to it (includes, gym, grading, house stuff, work, etc)

 

In the Long run:

FIND A NEW JOB that allows me to value my family and my hobbies and myself in the ways they deserve.

Put all those social media minutes I have back into writing, planning, querying, and turn the biggest failed dream I had for my 20s into the first thing I accomplish in my 30's

It's a tall order, and one that looks familiar, and I'm not sure what will change this time to make it work, but I'm hoping it does.
 

 

[deftona]

Definitely following this, I can feel your passion in your words.

[jonfirestar]

I am following of course! 

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Following. You aren't the first teacher who felt the way you do, and I think you are right to pursue your passions instead of a paycheck. 

[Sloth the Enduring]

The thirties are a good decade.

Following.


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[Novaurora]

4 hours ago, deftona said:

Definitely following this, I can feel your passion in your words.

 

3 hours ago, jonfirestar said:

I am following of course! 

 

1 hour ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Following. You aren't the first teacher who felt the way you do, and I think you are right to pursue your passions instead of a paycheck. 

 

Thanks guys.  I missed the rangers!!!

 

So, I made a tentative Schedule for this week. 

 

Important decisions:

1. Mornings are MINE.  If Maya Angelou got started getting up at 4:30am to work on her dream when she still had a poopy job (true story) then so can I. Writing from 4:30-5:30 on T/W/F before the gym, and from 4:30-6:30am on M/Th before school.  The goal is to get back into the swing of not leaving school without being ready for the next day so I can steal another 30 minutes for writing both mornings and get to school later.

2. 2 hour max on grading after school.  In one solid block.  Preferably at school.  Minus Mondays when I have club meetings.  This will mean I need to curb my chatting habit after school, settle in right at 3:30, and rock it out. Hopefully, this will help me COLLECT LESS SHIT.

3. No more social media on my phone (except snapchat, because cold turkey is hard, and its not a time suck like reddit or facebook)

4. Family and friends first on the weekends. Period.

 

Short Term goals: 

1. STAY ORGANIZED and ON SCHEDULE

2. DON'T GRADE THINGS THAT DON'T MATTER...SERIOUSLY...SO MUCH THIS

3. DON'T PROCRASTINATE

 

Long Term Goals:

Gwendolyn:

1. Gwendolyn and the "Cat"astrophe draft 2 DONE by Nov 30, 2010

2. Draft 3 done by December 15, 2018

3. Proofread by December 22, 2018

4. Beta readers Jan/Feb, begin researching agents

5. Query like a motherfucker

6. Get rejected, cry, try again (repeat multiple times)

7. Come up with one new story idea each month to help with serialization potential

 

Writer Life

8. Submit "Cucumbers" to a (paying) magazine or contest by December 31, 2018

9. Finish Pearl and Evelyn, figure out a title, and prepare for submission to a magazine by Jan/Feb

10. Find whatever notebook you wrote "Good Housekeeping" in and type up that sucker

11. 1000 words of your novel a month (slow and steady on this one)

 

New Job:

12. Reach out to contacts in town about writing opportunities by December 31, 2018 (I wouldn't quit before the end of this school year...it's a super shitty thing to do to leave mid year especially mid semester)

13. Freelancing?? (no content mills, only long pieces and pitches to local, regional, or national print or online publications).  Maybe one a month once new semester starts, or after you are done grading all these essays.

14. Look into online teaching/education opportunities that have options with benefits.

15. Open a tutoring franchise???  Look into available opportunities (expensive, risky, but everything is on the table right now)

 

The ideal here would be to work remotely for an education company so I could be a working stay-at-home mom whenever my body decides to be pregnant.  I also need to carry the insurance since hubs has his own fledgling business.

 

Okay, that's enough for now. Can't get too excited with another 7 months of school ahead of me.

 

 

 

[Maigs]

Following along of course! We missed you around the Rangers.

 

I've gotten almost completely off social media and other time suck apps, but I have to stick around NF to get (and hopefully give) inspiration to my fellow Rangers

[Novaurora]

8 hours ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

The thirties are a good decade.

Following.

Cant wait, ha! I've got big plans

 

6 hours ago, Maigahane said:

Following along of course! We missed you around the Rangers.

 

I've gotten almost completely off social media and other time suck apps, but I have to stick around NF to get (and hopefully give) inspiration to my fellow Rangers

NF is all I have at tbis point too.  Except Snapchat, ha.

 

 

Day one=hit snooze...oops...lost 40 minutes but not everything

So it begins

 

 

 

 

 

[shaar]

17 hours ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

The thirties are a good decade.

 

SECONDED! ^______________^

 

I'm so proud of you Stribs, it's so EASY to fall into a life of complacency and just, "easy", but you clearly have something in you yearning to get out and you're listening.  We believe in you!!!

[Novaurora]

8 hours ago, shaar said:

 

SECONDED! ^______________^

 

I'm so proud of you Stribs, it's so EASY to fall into a life of complacency and just, "easy", but you clearly have something in you yearning to get out and you're listening.  We believe in you!!!

SHAAAAAAAR!!  It's so good to be back!  Thanks for the encouragement!!

[Novaurora]

Day 2 of getting up at 4am did not go so well.  Day 1 was successful and I did write a bit, though I also learned that so had lost 2 pages somehow, which was  more frustrating than helpful. I need to work on going to bed much earlier than 11:30.  Though I did get up at 5:15am this morning and drag myself to the gym even though it was the last thing I wanted to do.  

 

The day started a bit of a mess between kidnapped computer labs derailing plans and not eating after the gym (my big girl words almost came out).  Then there was overwhelming paperwork piece of running a club and turning in forms for a grant and I'm not that details person.  But I got it all handled.  Thankfully, my kids this semester are pretty awesome, so at least they aren't the issue.

 

Hubs is sick, so I went grocery shopping after school and made soup and grilled cheese for dinner.  I really need to get back on a healthier food train (dang candy) but that is something for next week. 

 

Tonight I am going to finish watching the Voice and then go to bed.  Gym and writing again in the morning.  Woop woop.

[Novaurora]

So, I kind of let myself have a bit of a slack week because progress reports were due, so I got caught up on grading and I am feeling better now.

 

I am going to write a bit before work tomorrow and hopefully jump start myself back into motivation now that the grading frenzy is over.  4am is REALLY early...and it's an adjustment.

 

My body pump DOMS are for real too...my biceps just got sore TODAY...and that class was TUESDAY.  Straightening out my arms SUCKS.

 

I started looking into a few opportunities in education, but outside the classroom.  Who knows.  I dont really want to move, so some thing remote would be best, especially when too many of the EDU companies are in CA or NY ($$$$). 

 

Food has been better.  Im so glad Halloween is over.  Fuck off, candy.  See you next year.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Novaurora]

Hey there battle log.  Long time no see.  But I think here is the best place for us right now.  It's really hard to see my journey in 6 week stints right now, and I was not great at sticking with those anyway.  Interestingly enough, it's been almost 3 years exactly since I started this, and not much has changed.  I still want the same things, but the difference this time is that I am not lying to myself.  I'm on the right meds, I'm talking to my husband, and I know that my self worth is defined by me.  

 

So here we are, again, and in my typical, overdramatic fashion, I'm calling this the fight for my life.  The life I want and the one I deserve.

 

Long Term Goals:

1. Get out of teaching and find a job that allows me to be creative without all the extra stress and after hours work.

2. Gain consistency, one task at a time

3. Learn to make decisions for future Nova, not stressed, anxious, in the minute Nova so I can be in a healthy body, relationship, and state of mind

4. Have hobbies that aren't Netflix

 

This week's goals: these will be the building blocks of everything, and we will only do these things until we do them consistently

1. Meds every day

2. 30 minutes of cleaning/organizing every day

3. Create and stick to a morning routine

4. Meal Plan 

5. Do one thing I actually enjoy everyday

 

[Jupiter]

Here to cheer you on.