Arkania transforms to Ronja Rövardotter

[Arkania]

(I first thought about picking Pippi Longstocking but I always felt uncomfortable with her. I like what she stands for but naaah)

 

 

So I took Ronja. I loooved her since I watched the movie (shot in Sweden) from '84 as a kid. And I always wanted to be her.

 

Strong, rebellous, brave, clever, wild, stands up for her beliefs.

 

Strong

Do sports. Doesn't matter what but move your body and have fun while doing it! Grow your muscles moooooore.

 

Clever

Work on your future. Positioning! Decide what to do with your life (in case of business) and stick to it. Period. Make a plan what's to do next.

 

Wild

Be creative. Have fun. Do stuff you like. Retry hobbies from your teenage years.

 

Brave

Do IE. You will struggle, there will be good and bad days but listen to your body and you will master it eventually.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Jett]

Loving all of these goals, but especially the "Wild" one! Looking forward to seeing what creative hobbies you play around with during this challenge!

[Arkania]

Warm welcome

 

Oh and before I forget to post it:
I threw out the scales (in the basement now, nobody wants to go and get them in the morning when it's cold...).

And I digged deeper in my "relationship issues".

So the thing with this is:

I am really scared of being dumped by my boyfriend. And: This is all my problem. He neverEVER made me feel that this would be the case.

But I am struggling a lot with doing things alone without him because I think he then is sad or mad because I did.

And also I think he will dump me when I get fatter.

Sorry, but BS (damn brain!).

 

1. Doing things alone:

I don't want him to be sad. -> I ask him. If he doesn't want to come then why he should get sad? Huge step made yesterday: I asked him, if he is ok when I go bouldering alone on fridays in the morning (because sometimes he was sad when I went without him) and he said "sure, no problem". So I went bouldering alone. ANd it was no problem at all. 

Sometimes I am jealous when he is going out alone because he has fun with other people. (I mean: WTF brain?!) Or I don't know what he is doing. -> It has been getting a lot better since I calm myself down and enjoy my free time then. And why the f*** shouldn't he have fun with other people?!

 

2. "He won't love me when I get fat"

There may be a limit weight (MAY!) when he will get uncomfortable with my weight. And I understand that. But not yet. We met when I was around 73kg (and more bodyfat and less muscle), then I went down to 63kg and now I am back to 70-75.

I don't want to get heavier/fatter and I think when IE has "settled in" there will be a natural weight control thing.

I am not (not only because of bf) feeling good with my body right now but I will give it some time to adapt.

And if he wants to dump me because of my (actual) weight -> there you go! Byebya.

 

 

[Terah]

Here! 

 

I read the book Ronja ("Ronja de roversdochter") in primary school. I don't remember the details, but I do remember I loved it

 

And well done for tackling the toughts that are holding you back! 

[WhiteGhost]

Looks like a fun challenge, I'll be following along  

[Arkania]

Yes, I first read the book and then saw the film

Have to check if I still own the book.

 

And copying the findings from last challenge tbc:

Findings

 

1. Roasted Veggies #1: Broccoli and brussel sprouts are yummy, beetroot is ok, pumpin and sweet potato I don't like that much

2. I think I now also have a problem with either broccoli or brussel sprouts, I felt reaaaally bloated and not good the days I ate that stuff.

3. And I think I don't like pork sausage (Fleischwurst) anymore.

4. Eat before doing sport!

 

 

 

oh and another step I did:
Bf and I aren't eating together anymore.

What sounds a bit sad isn't really like that

We have total different biorhythms.

He: Is student. Goes to bed between 2am and 6am normally. Has uni on 2 days a week, wednesday and thursday. Wednesday he is there from 9am to 6pm, thursday from 9am to 11.30 am. On weekends he sleeps until 2-4pm. Eats 1-2 times a day huge portions.

Me: Get up 2 days a week on 5am, rest of the week around 8am (+-1h). Eats 4-6x a day smaller portions.

So, when I am hungry he still not is. He is sort of a IF guy, so no "breakfast".

When he gets up I normally already had breakfast and lunch and want to have a snack And then dinner. And don't want to have dinner right before bed (~11/11.30 pm). And then he is still not hungry. So until now it was like someone had to eat/not to eat even if he wanted/didn't want to. So I waited with dinner and was very! hangry. Or he ate when he was not hungry. Didn't like the concept.
So now we are eating together 1-3 times a week. And the rest of the week everybody eats on his own. Works better

 

[Arkania]

8 minutes ago, WhiteGhost said:

Looks like a fun challenge, I'll be following along  

 

Nice to have you here

[WhiteGhost]

4 minutes ago, Arkania said:

Bf and I aren't eating together anymore.

We rarely eat together either, and it works out just fine.  Ghostlet has breakfast early in the morning before school and I have mine after I work out.  Ghostess doesn't eat breakfast.  Then in the evenings Ghostlet eats shortly after he gets back from school but Ghostess doesn't eat until she gets home from work, usually around 9pm.  I just eat whenever I feel hungry and sometimes it matches up with someone else but usually not.

 

As long as what you are doing works for you guys, it is probably a good way to go about it.  

[Mad Hatter]

Love Ronja and your challenge! Should reread the book at some point.

 

Brains are dumb, but it seems like you're doing great in figuring shit out and work out good solutions!

[Arkania]

Just read two nice quotes, both by Anselm Grün:

 

To be at peace by myself

 

To be at peace with myself means to accept myself the way I am; to reduce the split that is created by the image of what I would like to be and who I really am; to be patient with myself, especially in regard to what conflicts with my idealized self.

 

 

*Freedom*

We can decide for life or against it... And in this freedom we ultimately decide about ourselves.

We are unique. It is not about being better or stronger or more intelligent or looking better than the others. Rather, it is about being in harmony with ourselves.

Freedom consists in an inner attitude. I am free from the power of people, from their expectations and judgements. I am free from the pressure I often put on myself.

 

[TimovieMan]

3 hours ago, Arkania said:

But I am struggling a lot with doing things alone without him because I think he then is sad or mad because I did.

 

1. Doing things alone:

Imo, both having a life away from each other is actually beneficial to a relationship!

 

3 hours ago, Arkania said:

And also I think he will dump me when I get fatter.

 

2. "He won't love me when I get fat"

 

 

And if he wants to dump me because of my (actual) weight -> there you go! Byebya.

I think I can speak for most men when I say that we don't care nearly as much about our partners' weight as our partners think we do.

 

 

If he would really dump you with that as the reason why, then he's a superficial dick and a disgrace to the male gender. In which case, good riddance.

If that happens, kick him hard in the nuts, so at least he can't reproduce.

 

 

 

Or, in other words: following!

[Mad Hatter]

19 minutes ago, TimovieMan said:

If he would really dump you with that as the reason why, then he's a superficial dick and a disgrace to the male gender. In which case, good riddance.

 If that happens, kick him hard in the nuts, so at least he can't reproduce.

I like you.

[J3NN]

Following!

[Arkania]

4 hours ago, TimovieMan said:

Imo, both having a life away from each other is actually beneficial to a relationship!

 

I think I can speak for most men when I say that we don't care nearly as much about our partners' weight as our partners think we do.

 

 

If he would really dump you with that as the reason why, then he's a superficial dick and a disgrace to the male gender. In which case, good riddance.

If that happens, kick him hard in the nuts, so at least he can't reproduce.

 

 

 

Or, in other words: following!

 

Oh I will, no worries

But yeah, as you say, it's mostly my brain what has this problems.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Following. The fear of abandonment can seriously damage a relationship. Good job working on it to preserve yours. Do you have any idea where that fear stems from?

 

Also, I agree anyone who would abandon you due to physical characteristics changing doesn't deserve you, or anyone else, or happiness, or for their socks not to fall down.

[Arkania]

1 hour ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

 Do you have any idea where that fear stems from?

 

 

I am not reaaaally sure.

It may be (and I am not a really big fan of digging in the past and that it's always because of the childhood or sth in the past that I am who I am) it is because my parents divorced when I was 3 years old. And he never really took responsibility.

It started with... hm... with an exboyfriend 15 years ago. Or maybe .... before that?
BUT: There has been no (ex) boyfriend (sure, as far as i know) that has ever left me or cheated on me or sth.

So maybe it's all about my dad.
And because I know that, I can work on it. Trust people. And that stuff.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

1 hour ago, Arkania said:

 

I am not reaaaally sure.

It may be (and I am not a really big fan of digging in the past and that it's always because of the childhood or sth in the past that I am who I am) it is because my parents divorced when I was 3 years old. And he never really took responsibility.

It started with... hm... with an exboyfriend 15 years ago. Or maybe .... before that?
BUT: There has been no (ex) boyfriend (sure, as far as i know) that has ever left me or cheated on me or sth.

So maybe it's all about my dad.
And because I know that, I can work on it. Trust people. And that stuff.

Let me know if you want me not to ask these questions (or to ask them via another channel):

Spoiler

Have you ever forgiven your father for leaving you?

 

[Arkania]

10 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Let me know if you want me not to ask these questions (or to ask them via another channel):

  Hide contents

Have you ever forgiven your father for leaving you?

 

Oh no, everythign is fine, thank you

I like questions to think about and I have very little problems to "open up in public". And I am more curious than... sad or hurt or sth.
 

Spoiler

 

I don't think so.

As a kid it was really hard. My parents got divorced and I lived with my mother. So there was an agreement that I should spend every other weekend with him. And he was late to pick me up. Everytime. I sat outside and waited (it's a bit of a clichee, isn't it?) and waited aaaand waited. And sometimes he didn't come at all.

When I was older I got more rebellious and didn't want to see him that often. Because teenage years. U know.

It was always a problem to get alimony from him, a lot of months he didn't pay. At 18 I was with him at the youth welfare office and at the lawyer's because he didn't want to pay. (Ok, he said he "couldn't" but that was bs.... So I had a really fuck you attitude regarding him from then on.

Stuff that obviously has to do with him:
I can't deal with money good.

I hate! lack of punctuality.

I can't deal with "someone says stuff and does the opposite"

No or very little trust in people in general.

Fear of abandonment (put I think my mothers has her small part in that too)

Laziness. Or problems with that. Wandering from topic to topic and don't get shit done or finish something. 

And the mother's side of the family got to me with "You're only worth anything if you perform. Perform good! Really good!"

 

At the moment I have very little contact because he got very weird and posts also racism stuff and things like that so I told him to stfu and don't contact me. On the other hand, I feel sorry for him.

 

 

That's sounds all a bit bitter but I am not I like most of my family members (now) and don't want to blame them for the past. Except of this I had a good childhood. But it's interesting to dig into it sometimes and see how the stuff effects me now.
But I don't want to just dig but to deal with it now. And change my habits.

[Arkania]

Oh and I forgot a todo for the next 10 days:

GET THIS F***** THESIS DONE!

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

Spoiler

It sounds like it might be a good idea to forgive your father. Let me dispel some myths about forgiveness with this article. Forgiveness isn't really for the other person, it's for you. It's a way to stop letting the other person (or in some cases, the memory of the other person and/or what they did to you) have control over you. Forgiveness is a way to move on and take back your life. My mother and I have a good relationship, and I am not wanting to compare our childhoods. Even so, I had some resentments toward her. I dealt with it by taking two pieces of paper. On one, I wrote down everything she had ever done that hurt, bothered, or offended me. On another, I wrote down every good thing she had ever done for me, every act of kindness, every good quality I could think of. I burned the "bad" list and gave her the "good" list. You might not be able to make a good list for your dad and you don't have to try if you don't want to. Obviously forgiving your father is not going to solve all your problems. Indeed, the exercise I suggested would merely begin the process of forgiveness. Having said that, it seems like the best place to start.

 

[raptron]

Hellooooo. I love how much you are sharing with us. <3 

 

I look forward to your journey over the next month -- all the WILD, CREATIVE, STRONG THINGS! 

[Arkania]

@raptron Thank you I love how much I CAN share with you and get great feedback!

@Tanktimus the Encourager Thank you, that might be a good idea to do. I think there are things on the good list but I have to think about giving it to him.

 

Soooo.... what happened the last days....

 

Strong

Do sports. Doesn't matter what but move your body and have fun while doing it! Grow your muscles moooooore.

I am still sore from bouldering and bodyweight training on sunday, wow. But I did a NF Yoga mini yesterday and the 4C workout today. So that's good. We may go bouldering tomorrow. Also I registered for the NF flexibility challenge.

 

Clever

Work on your future. Positioning! Decide what to do with your life (in case of business) and stick to it. Period. Make a plan what's to do next.

I am not sure about that yet. Thought about the courses I do at the moment (Happiness, Positive Psychology etc, I mentioned them in the last challenge), if I still want to do them. Or maybe just fly over the topics I am interested. Finished stage 1 of Rosetta (French). And was impressed how my english has improved since I am here. Had a call yesterday and spoke much smoother than before.

 

Wild

Be creative. Have fun. Do stuff you like. Retry hobbies from your teenage years.

I found cooking to be very calming. So every two days or so I cooked (and want to continue that) a meal for us. Alone. It took me about 1-2 hours each meal and time flew. And finally I can try aaaaall the recipes. And another win: I don't have to think if BF likes the stuff I cook or wants to eat it. He doesn't need to. I cook for two but if he doesn't like it, good for me, then I have more

Also I puzzled a bit the last days. Reactivated WoW. Bought SIMS 3 today. Zentangled a bit. Watched some interesting films (e.g. H.O.P.E. What You Eat Matters (2018)). Read some interesting articles and started a book about the brain. And a book about dwarfs. Bought all the christmas presents (bought bf and myself a longboard (each ), wuhuuuu!) and the stuff for the advent calendar for my mum.

 

Brave

Do IE. You will struggle, there will be good and bad days but listen to your body and you will master it eventually.

I think I got back to it. After eating aaaaaaall the bakery and sweets and too much carbs I am back at "good" (for me) food again. I try to eat what I crave and just eat when neccessary or when I'm hungry. I know this might switch next week (theoretical shark week even if I don't bleed anymore, cycle stays ) but that's ok.

I made a great vegan stew today (Recipe from Madeleine Olivia) and will try the Apple and Pear Porrdige tomorrow

Made some changes to the stew (+ sweet potato and some more spices) but it tastes awesome! And as alwys, I can't cook for only two, so there is a lot of leftovers for the next days!

 

DO THE F****** THESIS!!!

Did a chapter yesterday and one today. Sigh.

[Tobbe]

Late to the party, but yay Ronja Rövardotter! 

 

We played the song "Vargasången" at the naming ceremony of our youngest boy. (We did our own thing, instead of the traditional Christian baptism which is the most common option here in Sweden )

 

 

[Arkania]

39 minutes ago, Tobbe said:

Late to the party, but yay Ronja Rövardotter! 

 

We played the song "Vargasången" at the naming ceremony of our youngest boy. (We did our own thing, instead of the traditional Christian baptism which is the most common option here in Sweden )

 

 

 

 

Aaaaaaaaaaw, these feelings

[Tobbe]

On 11/19/2018 at 9:15 AM, Arkania said:

And if he wants to dump me because of my (actual) weight -> there you go! Byebya.

 

Yes. This! So much this!  

 

(Others have probably already said this, but I haven't read the whole thread yet...)