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Arkania transforms to Ronja Rövardotter


Arkania

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8 hours ago, Arkania said:

All this stuff here is btw a good exercise for me to handle compliments, I can't handle stuff like this well.

Is that a typical female thing? :P

 

The missus can't handle compliments either. Every time I give her one (or even if someone else does), she either dismisses it as a joke or starts an argument about how she's not what I just said she was. And I'm like "just take the effing compliment!!!".

Another favourite is "what do you mean by that?" (as in: what's your motive for saying this?). NOTHING! I'm *that* straightforward. Just take the effing compliment!!! :D

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7 minutes ago, Arkania said:

Yeah. I am exactly like the missus :D

Then just take the effing compliment!!! :D 

 

 

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5 minutes ago, Arkania said:

Ok, Daddy.  :D

 

 

(Ok, that sounds a bit weird B))

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2 hours ago, TimovieMan said:

Is that a typical female thing? :P

 

The missus can't handle compliments either. Every time I give her one (or even if someone else does), she either dismisses it as a joke or starts an argument about how she's not what I just said she was. And I'm like "just take the effing compliment!!!".

Another favourite is "what do you mean by that?" (as in: what's your motive for saying this?). NOTHING! I'm *that* straightforward. Just take the effing compliment!!! :D

Many people who grew up in difficult situations can have a hard time accepting compliments. Others have difficulty due to insecurity. If they don't believe good things about themselves, it's hard to believe others would believe good things about them as well. Whatever the reason, there are things far in the past that make accepting a compliment difficult, it's not about you.

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3 hours ago, TimovieMan said:

Is that a typical female thing? :P

 

The missus can't handle compliments either. Every time I give her one (or even if someone else does), she either dismisses it as a joke or starts an argument about how she's not what I just said she was. And I'm like "just take the effing compliment!!!". 

 

Popping in to say, yes, what Tank says, but also women in particular are trained to take compliments badly. There's a lot of social programming to be modest and take care of other people. Most women are uncomfortable with that kind of attention turned on them, or will deflect the compliment out of a habitual trained response to make the person they're with not feel bad about themselves. (A lot of women-in-the-workplace training programs specifically try to train women out of this behavior, because it doesn't play well when they're expected to be as forthcoming about their awesome stuff as their male coworkers are, so they get promotions and raises at lower rates.)

 

So I'm afraid that you're going up against the patriarchy when you want the missus to accept a compliment. Next time, try adding the phrase, "Also, I think you should tell the patriarchy to go eff itself and bask in that compliment a little." I guarantee it'll go at least a little better.

 

(Arkania, I think you should tell the patriarchy to go fuck itself and bask in these compliments a little. Way to go on that powerful bootie and thighs.) :D

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I have trained myself to accept compliments. Even though I'm freaking out and on the inside I'm like "nope", I say "thank you" (and flee the scene if really freaked out :p ).

Just try it, people will like giving you compliments better and it avoids uncomfortable conversations (not always, but often) 

 

ETA: I also found that trying to give compliments helps too in learning to accept them yourself

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9 hours ago, sarakingdom said:

(Arkania, I think you should tell the patriarchy to go fuck itself and bask in these compliments a little. Way to go on that powerful bootie and thighs.) :D

This! :D 

 

Another way of handling compliments is to remind yourself that everyone is entitled to an opinion, even if you think they're wrong, and rejecting compliments is kinda like shitting on other people's views. Just to be clear I don't actually think you're doing that, and obviously here on the forum you can vent as much as you want! But thinking in those terms helps me at least. And then reply with a simple "thank you".

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7 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

This! :D 

 

Another way of handling compliments is to remind yourself that everyone is entitled to an opinion, even if you think they're wrong, and rejecting compliments is kinda like shitting on other people's views. Just to be clear I don't actually think you're doing that, and obviously here on the forum you can vent as much as you want! But thinking in those terms helps me at least. And then reply with a simple "thank you".

 

I also think compliments are helpful because we can be SO IN OUR HEADS about how we think we are "supposed to" be or look like or act.

 

People giving us compliments usually don't know what we intend for ourselves or our bodies or our actions or our lives, but instead are commenting what we are ACTUALLY presenting in the real world, to other real people. They're not commenting on our aspirations, but what we actually are doing/presenting/etc.

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15 minutes ago, raptron said:

I also think compliments are helpful because we can be SO IN OUR HEADS about how we think we are "supposed to" be or look like or act.

  

People giving us compliments usually don't know what we intend for ourselves or our bodies or our actions or our lives, but instead are commenting what we are ACTUALLY presenting in the real world, to other real people. They're not commenting on our aspirations, but what we actually are doing/presenting/etc.

SOOOO TRUE!

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I too had to train myself to accept compliments. I think of it like someone giving a gift. If someone took the time to be thoughtful and give you a gift, if you gave it back and said you didn't deserve it, not only would that screw up the whole idea of the gift, it would hurt that person's feelings. And then the next hardest step after learning to take the compliment and say thank you, is to actually accept it. Others see us in way less critical spirit than we do ourselves, so even if we know our failings, it's good to be encouraged when others see our successess

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On 11/25/2018 at 5:50 AM, Arkania said:

All this stuff here is btw a good exercise for me to handle compliments, I can't handle stuff like this well.

 

We don't have to agree with the compliment for the intent behind the giving of it to still mean something special.

 

I'm here for (and jealous of) the mad scrambling skills!  Wish we had a serious rock climbing gym nearby.  :(

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Soooo, it's kind of a busy week (I am in the final correction of my master thesis) but will be posting again saturday (latest) :)

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Not sure if I can post today. My company today announced that they plan to cut 12,000 jobs worldwide (about 10%). 6000 in my group division.

Yes, it will be done in 2020 earliest but I am a bit confused right now.

I didn't think that this would affect me that much, but yeah. It did ;)

I felt the urge of a maybe-binge coming, ate some sweets, chocolate and chips but then thought again and made some stir fried veggies that I will eat now with chopsticks (there is corn in it :D ).

Wish me luck :)

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On 11/29/2018 at 6:33 PM, Mad Hatter said:

Hey if worst comes to worst you’ll get a kick in the butt to do your own thing. It will be fine no matter what. :) 

 

Next challenges will be preparing-challenges :D

No, I am not reaally scared. Everything will work out well as alway (hopefully ;) ). But I will prepare my (maybe-)self-employment.

Soooo, to the good stuff this week:

Send out my master thesis yesterday, wohoooooooooo! Finally done.

Had a good development dialogue with my boss.

Was drunk on thursday night, was fun (Spoiler: the hungover yesterday wasn't ;) )

Chilled a lot beside working on the master thesis.

 

Aaaand the bad stuff.

I weighed myself. It was shocking. Maybe. I weighed myself in the afternoon with two pizzas and 5l water inside me :D Not sure why I did this.

No sport this week. I tried to rest my elbow because bf had a pulled muscle and I was like "ok, perfect time to rest". Yeah. No. It hurts a lot in the morning the last days. Maybe I lie on it in the night. Have to call the doctor on monday!

The last 4 weeks of the month (so this challenge) I will think about my goals for next year.

 

And will write a conclusion for the last 2 weeks tomorrow :)

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Well done sending off that thesis.

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3 hours ago, Arkania said:

Not sure why I did this.

Addiction to the scale is a real thing. I've been fighting it too. Any chance of just getting rid of it? 

 

3 hours ago, Arkania said:

Send out my master thesis yesterday, wohoooooooooo! Finally done.

Well done!!!! 

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9 hours ago, Terah said:

Addiction to the scale is a real thing. I've been fighting it too. Any chance of just getting rid of it? 

 

It's shocking what I was somehow addicted to or what I felt was quite normal.
-> Coffee cream in the coffee? Nope, too many calories! (32.....)
-> sugar? nope, always sweetener.
-> bread? by no means, too many calories.
and it's interesting how that's changing now.
i was in a weight loss forum for a while, all scientifically founded stuff, but when i read it all now ("i can only have a tiny deficit of 600kcal a day" wtf?) it's driving me nuts. also the whatsapp "weight loss group" often annoys me, there are some people who are just extreme and that gets on my nerves.
This fits quite well with my plan to run a little digital (especially internet) detox again. I have some todos that I would like to do and I notice lately how much time the whole surfing costs. and how little it is good for me.

 

Now that i've noticed how extremely the scales affect my mood, i think i'm cured of addiction for now :D
We'll talk again when my pants don't fit anymore ;)

 

I just wrote down some plans and todos for the next weeks/months, that I will post here. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow but in the next days :)

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1 hour ago, Arkania said:

This fits quite well with my plan to run a little digital (especially internet) detox again.

I do thia every few months, when stufd I see starts to irritate me. I completely deleted Facebook and only use IG for my business and to follow a few people I like. 

It gives me soooo much peace of mind :)

 

1 hour ago, Arkania said:

i think i'm cured of addiction for now :D

Good! 

 

1 hour ago, Arkania said:

We'll talk again when my pants don't fit anymore ;)

Just buy bigger pants :p

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Challenge 12, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18 

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Challenges 2018: 29, 30, 31, 32, 3334, 35,

Challenges 2019: 36, 37, 38, 39, 40

 

Challenges 2020: 41, 42, 43, 44, 45

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