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Salinger's seventeenth challenge!


Salinger

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Hey all, 7.20am here, cold cold cold but im sitting with a cup of tea and my wooly hat on. Ive slept TERRIBLY, i think im just so worried about funding that i just cant sleep. Ill probably nap later when im totally exhausted. 

 

So i just got up instead of lying there in bed. 

 

Over night ive been sent an essay by a New York based curator/artist, who has written about ME!!!!! So cool hey!? The essay is about why its important to explore difficult topics in our art, and also using art for self care. He discusses my hospital admission, my organisation, and my art (obviously) and uses two of my videos in it also :o very awesome to wake up to!!!!

 

So today MAY be the day i find out....funding....aaahhhhhhhh....sickness.....anxiety. *BREATHE* 

 

Just need to keep working, doing what ive been doing all week really, making art, reading, watching football, listening to music. same old stuff. If i get the email, i get the email...lets just see what it says then go from there. 

 

xx

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Ugh. Time to contact the guy who wrote the essay ! Or nap. Napping is good too.

There will be other opportunities. I know it's hard to sit on the edge of your chair only for something to not pan out. But there will be a "next thing." You've been doing a great job taking care of yourself, so just take a deep breath and keep it up.

*hugs*


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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Current challenge:This is not how daemoncorax used to wake up

Previous challenges: DaemonCorax doesn't go on vacation

(STR 21; DEX 3; STA 10.5; CON 8.3; WIS 15; CHA 2 - but these are SUPER out of date.)

While we have to stay away from the desert, we can always ride our bikes.

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Oh Sal, I'm so sorry.  Please take some time to be kind to yourself and process this before picking up and carrying on, I can't imagine how hard it must be to put yourself out there knowing full well that rejection sure is a thing.... it's a very brave thing to do, not just once, but over and over.  Because you love art, and you love what you do.  I'm so proud of you and am cheering for you real big today, ok? <3

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i am not waiting for a hero.  i saved myself long ago.

Level 50 Bardic Time-Mage; of the Furious Heart

STR.55  DEX.43 STA.48 CON.51 WIS.53 CHA.65

"Well...in the end, it boils down to two simple choices. Either you do or you don't.

You'd think with all the problems in this world, there'd be more answers. It's not fair...
...But that's the way things are. The choice is yours."

»  kom starkru

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On 12/12/2018 at 12:00 PM, Salinger said:

here is  little surprise for you!!!!!

 

EEEET YOU HAVE SUCH A SOFT PRETTY VOICE YOU SOUND LIKE YOU SHOULD BE IN NARNIA

 

YOUR HOUSE IS BEAUTIFUL AND LOOKS SO SOFT AND PEACEFUL AND CHRISTMASY

 

HOW ARE THE BOOKS

 

ALL THESE VLOGS ARE TURNING ME INTO @shaar APPARENTLY

 

THIS IS SO MUCH FUN

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SKY ELVENWORD

The Silver Archer, Ranger Level 44

Jesus-follower | Writer | Encourager | Resident Myers-Briggs and Enneagram Geek 

"Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people." - Fred Rogers

 

2021 Books in Progress:

How We Love (82%)  |  Talking Back to Purity Culture (64%)  |  Rhythms of Renewal (60%)  |  Pilgrim's Progress (32%)  |  Beholding and Becoming (19%)  | What Did You Expect? (36%)  |  A Gentle Answer (0%) 
 

2021 Books Completed:
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets  |  Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban  |  Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire   |  Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix  |  Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince  |  Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows  |  Lady Windermere's Fan 

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3 hours ago, Salinger said:

My funding was rejected. 

 

Wait what???????????

 

7JqD.gif

 

What happens now? What does this mean? What can you do? Can you call someone? Yell at people? Have all of us write a petition letter?

 

I am so sorry and I hope you're resting and processing and taking extra good care of yourself today, just like you would take care of one of us if we got some really horribly bad news. We're all here for you and we love you. I'll be praying that something else opens up!! Lord, make a way for Sal!!

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SKY ELVENWORD

The Silver Archer, Ranger Level 44

Jesus-follower | Writer | Encourager | Resident Myers-Briggs and Enneagram Geek 

"Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people." - Fred Rogers

 

2021 Books in Progress:

How We Love (82%)  |  Talking Back to Purity Culture (64%)  |  Rhythms of Renewal (60%)  |  Pilgrim's Progress (32%)  |  Beholding and Becoming (19%)  | What Did You Expect? (36%)  |  A Gentle Answer (0%) 
 

2021 Books Completed:
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets  |  Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban  |  Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire   |  Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix  |  Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince  |  Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows  |  Lady Windermere's Fan 

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2 hours ago, SkyGirl said:

 

Wait what???????????

 

 

 

What happens now? What does this mean? What can you do? Can you call someone? Yell at people? Have all of us write a petition letter?

 

I am so sorry and I hope you're resting and processing and taking extra good care of yourself today, just like you would take care of one of us if we got some really horribly bad news. We're all here for you and we love you. I'll be praying that something else opens up!! Lord, make a way for Sal!!

 

What happens now? Well i cant pay my rent, i cant afford to get home for christmas, i cant afford cat food for Jackson (let alone myself) I have no money to carry on doing my projects. Im exhausted, worn out with fighting just to stay alive. Maybe that sounds melodramatic but i have a mental illness. I fight every day to not cut my arms, to sself care, to stay vigilant. I work so fucking hard, as you guys know. So hard. And for what?? To be told my work doesnt have enough public engagement? Thats BULLSHIT. its all i fucking do, community work etc. 

 

Im fed up of fighting guys. Im fed up of this capitalist bullshit world. just fed up. 

 

Ive cried, screamed into a pillow...nothing helps. Theres nothing i can do. Whats the point in reapplying?? It will just be rejected again and again till they stop me. Well i think they already have. I give up now. 

 

Thanks for your support xx

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:( i know it's probably hard right now but please try to take care of yourself, Sal, it's even more important in the hard times. for what words are worth i'm so so sorry for this news.

 

edit: also if i may? Some of the most famous works out there were rejected numerous times. That's writers, but here's some art as well. Maybe a different situation to yours, but it's just to say, it's not necessarily the end. Even if you don't feel like trying again just now, if you do decide to go for it again at some point things can always work out differently? One of the battlespeech crafters should come articulate this better than i can but, you know, *hugs*

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Matthew 25:34-40

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4 hours ago, Miaulin said:

edit

 

I Agree With Miau®

 

Also, this may not be a comforting or soothing question, but will your parents allow you to move back home if you can't pay your rent or pay for food? I know traditional work isn't really an option at this point, but you can't just go hungry and broke. Do you have any friends who would let you bunk with them for a while if you have to leave Ste? 

 

Also, did you ever get a lead on any telework positions? Medical transcription, telemarketing, pet-sitting? I'm sorry if I'm being that person who gives advice when all you really need is a hug ... you've been so brave for such a long time and we're all here for you in this setback. I pray that you would find what you need to keep going and that your hope wouldn't die.

  • Like 1

SKY ELVENWORD

The Silver Archer, Ranger Level 44

Jesus-follower | Writer | Encourager | Resident Myers-Briggs and Enneagram Geek 

"Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people." - Fred Rogers

 

2021 Books in Progress:

How We Love (82%)  |  Talking Back to Purity Culture (64%)  |  Rhythms of Renewal (60%)  |  Pilgrim's Progress (32%)  |  Beholding and Becoming (19%)  | What Did You Expect? (36%)  |  A Gentle Answer (0%) 
 

2021 Books Completed:
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets  |  Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban  |  Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire   |  Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix  |  Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince  |  Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows  |  Lady Windermere's Fan 

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7 hours ago, Miaulin said:

:( i know it's probably hard right now but please try to take care of yourself, Sal, it's even more important in the hard times. for what words are worth i'm so so sorry for this news.

 

edit: also if i may? Some of the most famous works out there were rejected numerous times. That's writers, but here's some art as well. Maybe a different situation to yours, but it's just to say, it's not necessarily the end. Even if you don't feel like trying again just now, if you do decide to go for it again at some point things can always work out differently? One of the battlespeech crafters should come articulate this better than i can but, you know, *hugs*

 

Hey Mia, thank you, yes the urges to self harm were very strong yesterday, punish myself for failing....but i held out. 

 

Thank you so much for the links, great reminder. xx

 

 

2 hours ago, SkyGirl said:

 

I Agree With Miau®

 

Also, this may not be a comforting or soothing question, but will your parents allow you to move back home if you can't pay your rent or pay for food? I know traditional work isn't really an option at this point, but you can't just go hungry and broke. Do you have any friends who would let you bunk with them for a while if you have to leave Ste? 

 

Also, did you ever get a lead on any telework positions? Medical transcription, telemarketing, pet-sitting? I'm sorry if I'm being that person who gives advice when all you really need is a hug ... you've been so brave for such a long time and we're all here for you in this setback. I pray that you would find what you need to keep going and that your hope wouldn't die.

 

Hey Sky, no i wouldnt be able to move back to my parents unfortunately. 

 

But i could crash on my London friends sofa if it came to it....

 

Dont worry, thank you for helping. I do need a hug, but i feel the love from you xx

 

 

Yesterday was horrible, i slept horrible, but my friend, my wonderful Kirsty. She distracted me all night by MAKING me create an online shop. She loves my left handed drawings...she even bought a couple of mugs haha. So yes, please take a look here, please SHARE with your own friends, please purchase if you like them....and remember i do commissions if the ones there arent your faves. 

 

https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/LeftHandLizz

 

Maybe i can create and develop this brand, as a way to make some money? And create space for me to make the actual work i want to do.... (although it makes me want to throw up to think of carrying on right now) 

 

Sorry to bombard you all with this. I do feel like i am burdening you...but thats my issue i need to get over. 

 

Maybe no one will like the work, and that will fail too?? :( but im trying hard not to self harm, trying hard not to lie in bed all day (im downstairs now with a cup of tea) im just trying hard not to stay in this abyss. 

 

Thanks xx

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I just opened the shop and the translation says "Links übergeben Becher" which means "left throw up mug" :D

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HI SAL!!! It's good to hear from you, and I'm glad you are hanging in there, I worry about you you know~ <3 You're doing so well despite everything and I'm v proud of you!

 

KIRSTY IS A GENIUS, that shop is a wonderful idea!!! Once I get a job (yay) I'm going to commission something from you! But right now it's All Hands on Deck and by that I mean Shaar is watching every penny while she doesn't have an income, blech.

 

I hope your day has gone ok!  Remember we are all pulling for you!!

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i am not waiting for a hero.  i saved myself long ago.

Level 50 Bardic Time-Mage; of the Furious Heart

STR.55  DEX.43 STA.48 CON.51 WIS.53 CHA.65

"Well...in the end, it boils down to two simple choices. Either you do or you don't.

You'd think with all the problems in this world, there'd be more answers. It's not fair...
...But that's the way things are. The choice is yours."

»  kom starkru

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26 minutes ago, shaar said:

HI SAL!!! It's good to hear from you, and I'm glad you are hanging in there, I worry about you you know~ <3 You're doing so well despite everything and I'm v proud of you!

 

KIRSTY IS A GENIUS, that shop is a wonderful idea!!! Once I get a job (yay) I'm going to commission something from you! But right now it's All Hands on Deck and by that I mean Shaar is watching every penny while she doesn't have an income, blech.

 

I hope your day has gone ok!  Remember we are all pulling for you!!

 

Hey Shaar. Thank you for everything. I mean that <3 hanging in there is one way to put it. haha

 

Yes Kirsty IS a genius, a wonderful friend too. I hope you think the shop looks good.... had no sales yet but its only been a day, i cant get despondent. People are skint arent they. :(

 

Yes i would be happy to do anything for you, when you want it just give me a shout :)

 

Days been - ok?! I guess. I went to the post office to send 6 commissioned drawings off....I did some more drawing. I napped. I ate cereal. I played with the cats. I cried into Jacksons fur. 

 

Now im sat in front of the fire watching the tree lights change colour. Getting weepy every now and again. And then being annoyed at myself. Im not the only person who got or gets or will get a rejection from the funding. But maybe the other people dont have so much on the line? I mean, without that money, i cant pay rent. 

 

Anyway, i will try not to think about it for a bit. Its giving me a headache. 

 

Ste has asked if i want to go out tonight, but i dont think i do...im surprised. Usually id just go get fucked up. But i really think im wounded. Laying on the sofa, sipping tea, sounds 'better' almost? 

 

I feel so so so so so sick. Maybe il have a peppermint tea. I need to take my meds too actually. 

 

Im really trying not to self harm as well, the urge is the strongest its been for a very long time. I dont think i WILL do it, but i really want ... 

 

ANYWAY. Hoping i get an order or two over the weekend. Thanks for being here for me xx

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3 minutes ago, Salinger said:

And then being annoyed at myself. Im not the only person who got or gets or will get a rejection from the funding. But maybe the other people dont have so much on the line? I mean, without that money, i cant pay rent. 

 

Dude you are so thoroughly allowed to feel what you feel over this. It's only natural, especially with it affecting you so directly, but really even if you had a million in savings and were still upset, you'd be valid in hurting. Rejections suck!

 

I love the name of your shop, Left Hand Lizz, it has a nice ring to it! And it is cool you drawing with ( i assume? ) your non-dominant hand! Really liking those pictures with the pop of color to them. <3

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Matthew 25:34-40

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8 minutes ago, Miaulin said:

 

Dude you are so thoroughly allowed to feel what you feel over this. It's only natural, especially with it affecting you so directly, but really even if you had a million in savings and were still upset, you'd be valid in hurting. Rejections suck!

 

I love the name of your shop, Left Hand Lizz, it has a nice ring to it! And it is cool you drawing with ( i assume? ) your non-dominant hand! Really liking those pictures with the pop of color to them. <3

 

Thanks Mia, really appreciate all your support through this. 

 

Yes, im right handed but im rubbish at drawing so i just use my left hand instead hahahahah

 

Thank you, yes the lipstick works on a few of them :) like THE CURE guy. Who i adore. xx

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I'm sorry for your bad news.  I know things are dark, but it will work itself out.  Good job setting up a shop!  Keep moving forward, and just breathe.

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  Level 45 Quasi-Human Ranger     

"Forget failure.  Forget mistakes.  Forget everything except what you're going to do NOW, and DO IT." - Lou Ferrigno

"Foxes Never Quit!"  -  Leicester City FC

KBO. - Churchill

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Bad news always seems like a matter of great sadness, occasional rage,  desperation, grief, depression and then... afterwards a little forgiveness with yourself to have all those feelings.

 

but you know.... its NO easy thing to face this kind of stuff.  OTOH once you get past it; you can work on trying to make your life work All the same.

 

There IS a solution Liz!  we believe in you....  I wish it was more obvious to us; but I am encouraged by all the talk of commissioned artwork.  apparently you've got admirers try to make it work. 

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https://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/116426-im-awake/

the "NEW" normal is good with me! as Life was Never really Normal anyways....

 

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More *hugs*.

 

Your Etsy shop sounds like the name of a punk song in the best way possible.

 

Don't give up. Keep looking around for little windows of opportunity. Do any of the groups your work with ever Kickstarter or Patreon for funds? I know this sounds like something you may not want to do, but I've had friends use kickstarter and gofundme for medical expenses, living expenses after a major injury, and things like that. (Yay American health "insurance."). If you circulated something like that around the wider community you engage with you might (1) yes, be ashamed but (2) creat a stopgap to get you through. I know its rough having all this financial stuff pile down on top of you when you're just in need of some time to heal and take care of yourself. But you are super talented, and I really hope a window opens for you soon.

  • Like 2

Current challenge:This is not how daemoncorax used to wake up

Previous challenges: DaemonCorax doesn't go on vacation

(STR 21; DEX 3; STA 10.5; CON 8.3; WIS 15; CHA 2 - but these are SUPER out of date.)

While we have to stay away from the desert, we can always ride our bikes.

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1 hour ago, Cheetah said:

I'm sorry for your bad news.  I know things are dark, but it will work itself out.  Good job setting up a shop!  Keep moving forward, and just breathe.

 

Thanks Cheetah. Trying to breathe yes! x

 

13 minutes ago, TGP said:

Bad news always seems like a matter of great sadness, occasional rage,  desperation, grief, depression and then... afterwards a little forgiveness with yourself to have all those feelings.

 

but you know.... its NO easy thing to face this kind of stuff.  OTOH once you get past it; you can work on trying to make your life work All the same.

 

There IS a solution Liz!  we believe in you....  I wish it was more obvious to us; but I am encouraged by all the talk of commissioned artwork.  apparently you've got admirers try to make it work. 

 

Thank you TGP...thanks for believing in me. If you want a commission doing, just message me. ... im trying very hard not to break completely! xx

 

10 minutes ago, DaemonCorax said:

More *hugs*.

 

Your Etsy shop sounds like the name of a punk song in the best way possible.

 

Don't give up. Keep looking around for little windows of opportunity. Do any of the groups your work with ever Kickstarter or Patreon for funds? I know this sounds like something you may not want to do, but I've had friends use kickstarter and gofundme for medical expenses, living expenses after a major injury, and things like that. (Yay American health "insurance."). If you circulated something like that around the wider community you engage with you might (1) yes, be ashamed but (2) creat a stopgap to get you through. I know its rough having all this financial stuff pile down on top of you when you're just in need of some time to heal and take care of yourself. But you are super talented, and I really hope a window opens for you soon.

 

Hey, thank you, punk song makes me like the name Left hand Lizz even more, punk is super cool. 

 

I have done a gofundme a couple of months ago, so cant really do it again :( I am such a loser. Scrounging around for pennies. 

 

You are right, i do need to heal, and its difficult, like a wound reopening. 

 

Thanks for thinking im talented!

 

 

Hello it is 8.30pm. Im so tired and headachey and sicky, im chewing peppermint gum to try and get rid of the sickness. Im listening to music. I decided to stay home, im really not in the right mind set to be out :( dressing up etc. I dont want to go to Edinburgh on Monday either.... but maybe the weekend will make me feel a bit better?

 

Anyway, ive had ONE sale, my first sale on the shop. A Robert Smith (Cure) mug....so im pleased about that. Just got a hope it hits off. Feel exhausted just thinking about it. 

 

xx

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Damn Lizz, I'm so sorry to hear about the funding :( Good job with setting up the shop! Make sure you take care of yourself. 

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1 hour ago, Salinger said:

 I am such a loser. Scrounging around for pennies.

 

No, you're a person trying their best while you have very little to work with. Lack of money isn't a character trait nor a personal failing - it does not make you a loser.

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Matthew 25:34-40

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4 hours ago, Salinger said:

I am such a loser. Scrounging around for pennies. 

 

You're more like a fighter, cutting through a thick jungle and ducking and fighting monsters on the island you got stranded on. Not a loser.

 

Sorry about your funding but don't give up. Be sad and angry and disappointed (in them not you) and watch out for the next thing. 

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"... However vast the darkness, we must supply our own light." -  Stanley Kubrick

"Difficult for myself? Agent... I was born difficult for myself." - Clint Barton

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12 hours ago, jonfirestar said:

Damn Lizz, I'm so sorry to hear about the funding :( Good job with setting up the shop! Make sure you take care of yourself. 

 

Thanks Jon. I will try xx

 

11 hours ago, Miaulin said:

 

No, you're a person trying their best while you have very little to work with. Lack of money isn't a character trait nor a personal failing - it does not make you a loser.

 

Aww Mia <3 it does definitely feel like a personal failing, but I would never say that to a friend, or think that about a friend who was struggling financially, so i need to rethink how i talk to myself. xx

 

8 hours ago, Echoceanic said:

 

You're more like a fighter, cutting through a thick jungle and ducking and fighting monsters on the island you got stranded on. Not a loser.

 

Sorry about your funding but don't give up. Be sad and angry and disappointed (in them not you) and watch out for the next thing. 

 

Wow thanks Echo, thats a cool analysis. SO MANY MONSTERS here!!

 

And thats a really interesting viewpoint, to be all those things, but to them, not myself. hmmm i will consider this....thanks <3 xx

 

 

 

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Hey all...9.30am. Obviously im freezing and ive just used my last bit of milk in a tea :(  ill to catch the bus to the shops to get some, also need to nip into the post office again so i guess thats alright and forces me out!

 

Just trying to take it easy. Not over stretch myself. I cant BARE to look for art things, and my shop isnt doing very well ... but its early days. I guess i just need to keep promoting? I mean how do you make these things work?!!!


Anyway, Everton play at 12.30, but we will almost definitely lose, as we are playing the champions....i dont mind, i am numb to it today. Ill be watching it though of course. 

 

Apart from that, not much else to do. Maybe a drawing ? 

 

Oh i dont know what to do about Monday, Edinburgh...should i go? Should i stay here? Im feeling sick worrying about the decision.... xx

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