Jump to content

Salinger's seventeenth challenge!


Salinger

Recommended Posts

Hey all. 11.20am here, not as cold today but im warm from walking anyway. Got up LATE eeeek. Didnt have time for my cup of tea, jumped on the bus and got the doctors. In the end i had to wait an extra 30 minutes!! First time seeing someone at this surgery, and my doctor was a nice Hindu man from Huddersfield!!!! He was really quite lovely - asked me  A LOT of questions. I was honest about my drug use etc. I felt awful. Then i had to be weighed ugh horrible embarrasing. But he didnt say anything to me. I told him i was trying to lose weight. 

 

Then i had to be booked in for a smear (nooooooo) and a mental health exam, like my bloods taken, blood pressure etc. To make sure the medication isnt fucking me up more! That will be on the 7th December. Great. Wonderful :(

 

Then i walked around the little shopping area a bit, got some dry shampoo, some gloves, mouthwash, a new smelly candle (apple and cinnamon, my fave) AND some quality street sweets. Then got the bus home. 

 

I was laughing because when i go to my parents at christmas, they have little bowls of chocolates in the house, and ive done the same!! hahaaaha ive put a few chocolates in a bowl and put on the fireplace thingy, next to the candle and the polaroids of the cats <3 aaaaghhh lovely. 

 

46519549_818386648498429_2058228175980199936_n.jpg?_nc_cat=101&_nc_ht=scontent-lht6-1.xx&oh=51bc8d6781b24f6acedcb160c2ed4bfe&oe=5C663395

 

Now ive made a cup of tea and trying to reflect on last night, how i didnt go out, and didnt even have a beer at home, even though Ste was having a couple of drinks. I turned down his offer to have one. Thats pretty rare! Also reflect on my feelings of angst. WHY? do i feel that way? Am i addicted? blah blah blah. 

 

Mmmmmm i can smell this candle and its lovely. !!

 

Work today to do! Friday night, everyone goes out and ill have to try stay home. Will need to pick up my meds later or tomorrow. I could cycle up, 2 and  a half miles each way? Or cycle up tmoro. Will see how much work i get done. 

 

Feeling ok though. Anxious about nothing in particular but ok!!! xx

  • Like 3
Link to post
1 minute ago, TimovieMan said:

Are you???

 

Because you totally should!!!

Just think of all the good things you did recently and all the bad things you skipped!!!

 

Maybe, i dont know!? I dislike myself a lot, and find it tough to be proud of myself but im trying to change that. 

 

Thanks a lot for the support <3 xx

  • Like 1
Link to post

30 min to an hour in the gym is about normal. There comes that point (imo) where unless you're a professional or training for competition that more is not going to be better...and life is not meant to be spent in the gym! 30 min to an hour is do-able

  • Like 2
Link to post
2 hours ago, Charlie_Quinn said:

 

of course it's OK. It's more than OK even.

 

<3

 

55 minutes ago, Arkania said:

You not only should, you must be proud! :D

 

<3

 

30 minutes ago, RES said:

30 min to an hour in the gym is about normal. There comes that point (imo) where unless you're a professional or training for competition that more is not going to be better...and life is not meant to be spent in the gym! 30 min to an hour is do-able

 

Thank you xx

 

 

Thanks guys you are the best. :)

 

My helmet arrived!! I never ever wear one when cycling, but Ste said i really should....so i got one....its a cool one too hahaha I look like such an idiot :P 

 

46651878_371227576954265_1460018027117412352_n.jpg?_nc_cat=111&_nc_ht=scontent-lht6-1.xx&oh=97bfe6b9bf1361c55b83b5faa5c75db6&oe=5CAA2185

 

 

  • Like 4
Link to post

Hey all. 12.30 here. So last night i had some beers, probably too many really, but in the house, with Ste (he didnt have half as much as i did) whilst watching the golf haha it was a nice night really. I wanted to go out so badly but stayed home and relatively sensible. Oh well. 

 

Anyway, today i plan on watching the football, chilling, doing some work. Drinking tea, nibbling chocolates, being cosy, reading.....self CARE day....

 

The gym 3 times per week has been a big fat FAIL this week. i only went once. hmmmm. Need to perhaps get it done early in the week? Ill do better next week. Im running out of time :( 

 

Feeling a little sad today, no real reason. Ive been on a bit of a high this past week, feeling good. But yeah, today is a sad one so far, but im determined to change that round. 

 

x

  • Like 1
Link to post
1 hour ago, Cheetah said:

 

Next week will be better!  You can do it!

 

I hope so!!

 

EVERTON WON AGAIN :)

 

Its so cold here, but ive just put the fire on, the fairy lights are on, the candles are lit and the smell of cinnamon and christmas is making me smile. 

 

Ste is out, shopping yuk.... haha i feel a bit sick actually, so im sipping tea and listening to music. Who wants a shuffle? i have my weird playlist running. 

 

Arctic Monkeys - I bet that you look good on the dancefloor

Jamie T - If you got the money

Eminem - My name

D12 - American Psycho 

Dr Dre - Whats the difference

 

Oh yeahhhhh PARTAYYYYYY hahah

 

Ok need to relax! Get rid of this nausea. 

 

x

  • Like 2
Link to post

 

Feeling really quite down right now. My friend was in an abusive relationship, which ended before i knew her, with him going to prison. He is now out and been deported back to Morocco. 

 

But i guess I’m being selfish in the situation, i can’t understand why she tells me she is grieving him. She explained to me and says she was deeply in love with him etc etc. 

 

I think this feeling inside me, comes from liking her more than a friend maybe. The thoughts i am thinking go along the lines of that she loves somebody that will beat her, but she doesn’t love me. Whats the point? (Which i know is immature and stupid.)

 

I also get feelings of frustration at being female and therefore, not something she wants :( which is very tough to deal with. Confusing....

 

I feel like i want to cry and scream and go take a lot of drugs to forget everything. Im not good at thinking things through logically, i go to self destruct mode very quickly. Just needed to try to write it out. thanks x

  • Like 1
  • Sad 1
Link to post

1. You should totally paint that helmet.

 

2. I think it's easy for us to identify an abusive situation from the outside.  Maybe she fell for him hard before the abuse started, but as they say, "when you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags".  In my fascinating and eye-opening experience with this, the heart wants what it wants, and you don't get to choose who you fall in love with... which is frustrating in and of itself, on every side sometimes.  But c'est la vie~

 

Hope you're hanging in there. <3

  • Like 3
Link to post
Just now, shaar said:

1. You should totally paint that helmet.

 

2. I think it's easy for us to identify an abusive situation from the outside.  Maybe she fell for him hard before the abuse started, but as they say, "when you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags".  In my fascinating and eye-opening experience with this, the heart wants what it wants, and you don't get to choose who you fall in love with... which is frustrating in and of itself, on every side sometimes.  But c'est la vie~

 

Hope you're hanging in there. <3

 

Yeah you are right, still, makes me want to get fucked up to ignore these feelings. Horrible. Makes me hate myself even more! What an idiot i am for even imagining anything could happen. Just totally confused right now :( x

  • Like 1
Link to post

Stockholm syndrome is a thing...someone gets you so beat down that you can't imagine life without them and it's easy to get it mixed up with love.

Feelings for straight chicks...goddess save me from that disaster...been there, done that, burned the t-shirt! Getting fucked up doesn't fix it though, temporary at best and then it comes back and you have the aftereffects to deal with too.

 

  • Like 1
Link to post
16 minutes ago, RES said:

Stockholm syndrome is a thing...someone gets you so beat down that you can't imagine life without them and it's easy to get it mixed up with love.

Feelings for straight chicks...goddess save me from that disaster...been there, done that, burned the t-shirt! Getting fucked up doesn't fix it though, temporary at best and then it comes back and you have the aftereffects to deal with too.

 

 

Im being a bitch too. Not really talking to her. 

 

I might just go out for a few drinks. Perhaps i will regret it but i cant sit here stewing xx

Link to post

ok ok ignore me guys, fucking hell what a dick i am. How can i be short with her, as if its her fault?? Its not. Even though maybe she shouldnt have slept with me (6 months ago or so) Just spiked more feelings i think. 

 

Ill push the feelings away, build the wall up on my heart and get on with it. 
 

Sorry again for being a big burden to people!!!! x

Link to post

You're not a burden, just in your feelings about some things, it's natural to have that this time of year.

I've just started following you so not going to pretend to know your story, and never want to presume anything. This is a safe space for you to vent away if you need to

  • Like 3
Link to post
Just now, RES said:

You're not a burden, just in your feelings about some things, it's natural to have that this time of year.

I've just started following you so not going to pretend to know your story, and never want to presume anything. This is a safe space for you to vent away if you need to

 

Thank you so much RES xx

Link to post

Hey all. 11 pm and im sorry for being such a baby tonight. I need to learn to control my emotions. I just spiral out of control so quickly...maybe something to discus in therapy. 

 

tumblr_nef0lq51EB1tmt79ko1_500.gif

 

 

I feel lonely, even though i know im not alone. If that makes sense??? Its not a nice feeling at all. To feel isolated when surrounded by people. 

 

Xvru.gif

 

haha thanks Marshal for explaining how i feel right now. 

Perhaps i need to relax more, im not going out drinking, instead i have a cup of tea and a chocolate or two. Ill go to bed soon and hope i can sleep. Ive been struggling to drop off lately. But im really tired, exhausted in fact. With everything, trying to be well, is hard !!!

 

Anyway, sorry again, and thanks to those of you who posted to calm me down. I will think about things tomorrow maybe - or just let it go. Feels like Sunday night, but only Saturday night obviously!!

 

OK OK one more Slim Shady post. Ill be ok wont i???

 

tumblr_n48p5nTwCH1s3fghko1_500.gif

 

...

 

x

  • Like 3
Link to post
22 minutes ago, Salinger said:

Hey all. 11 pm and im sorry for being such a baby tonight. I need to learn to control my emotions. I just spiral out of control so quickly...maybe something to discus in therapy. 

Just getting those emotions out is beneficial as well. Even if it's just posting them on an online forum. Don't underestimate that effect!

 

22 minutes ago, Salinger said:

I feel lonely, even though i know im not alone. If that makes sense??? Its not a nice feeling at all. To feel isolated when surrounded by people. 

Virtual hug, coming your way:

giphy.gif?cid=3640f6095bf9ddab4a63437a73

22 minutes ago, Salinger said:

Ill be ok wont i???

You're doing great, imo!

  • Like 2
Link to post
8 hours ago, TimovieMan said:

Just getting those emotions out is beneficial as well. Even if it's just posting them on an online forum. Don't underestimate that effect!

 

Virtual hug, coming your way:

 

You're doing great, imo!

 

Yes thats true TM, it is better than bottling them up for sure. 

Thank you for the hug <3 xx

 

4 hours ago, Cheetah said:

 

Yes.  Just keep doing the best you can do.

 

I will do Cheetah, thank you xx

  • Like 1
Link to post

Hey all. Its 8am here and bloody cold. My hands need gloves to type and i have my wooly hat on and hood up! But a hot cup of tea will warm me im sure. 

 

Slept pretty well i think, cant remember lying awake much, so must have dropped off quickly. But im up early as i like these mornings to myself. 

 

Ste has work today, so ill be home alone all day, kind of glad, gives me chance to listen to music loudly, and also do my own thing. I plan on watching the football (3 games on TV) reading, working on my sound piece, general stuff like that! 

 

Money is very tight, as my overdraft interest has come out the bank at the WORST time possible. I have a meeting on Tuesday all day to discuss my Manchester based project. Plus im in London on Thursday and Friday for my friends birthday. Then at the football on Sunday. And i have very little to last me. Will just have to be vigilant.Its making me feel a bit sick but im trying to keep calm. 

 

I need to pick up my meds, so will cycle up to the pharmacy, today or tomorrow. Probably tomorrow. 

 

I just plan on self caring today, and being kinder to myself. x

  • Like 1
Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...