Salinger's seventeenth challenge!

[Salinger]

12 minutes ago, Ann of Vries said:

 

My side of town! (I'm in Tower Hamlets, the borough to the south of Hackney.)

 

my mate has a place right near Victoria Park  we went to a festival there in the summer! x

[Salinger]

Hey all. 4pm here. ALmost. 

 

Just had my second therapy session. and i could sob. He is so kind and calm and asks the right questions at the right time. Today we discussed my self hatred, and my inability to get close to people romantically. Again we did a little role play where he was the part of me who WANTED relationships, and i was the part that runs away from anyone who shows an interest. Then we swapped. It was really encouraging that i ended up wanting to care for that part of myself who runs away. Like, i just wanted to hold that part of me, be kinder to it. etc. I feel weepy. 

 

Im a nice person, i deserve to be kinder to myself. 

 

Anyway. We discussed the ending of a relationship i had, which has certainly affected the way i view myself and being close to someone. It helped. 

 

We also discussed Buddhism and meditation and he told me he meditates as much as he can, for self care purposes. Made me realise that even people who seem to 'have it together' need to self care too!!

 

I feel refreshed and a little sad about how i treat myself, but also determined to be nicer, and try to relax more. And self care more. I have good intentions but let it slip a lot. wow only two sessions in and already can feel good things happening. 

 

I have a bit of a headache, its intense discussing life with somebody. SO ill have some water and prep dinner, maybe have it earlier today as not eaten lunch. Im listening to The Cure (A Forest  - my fave song by them) and drinking tea, and im very mellow. xx

[shaar]

1 hour ago, Salinger said:

 

Im a nice person, i deserve to be kinder to myself. 

 

 

YESYESYES

 

This is such a great update.  I'M SO GLAD FOR YOU. <3 It is intense but isn't it wild how other people can turn things around so you can see them clearly??  Fascinating.

 

A Forest is one of my favorites too!!

[TimovieMan]

1 hour ago, Salinger said:

Im a nice person, i deserve to be kinder to myself. 

Print this out and stick it somewhere you'll see it often!

 

1 hour ago, Salinger said:

Im listening to The Cure (A Forest  - my fave song by them)

My fave The Cure song as well!

 

 

Edit:

^ What shaar said.

[DaemonCorax]

What a great post. I think a lot of healing is realizing how we are not kind to ourselves. But also, your therapist separating yourself into parts - we aren't one thing. We are multi-faceted creatures. In a world where "having it together" smooths things over with frosting, I think this is a hard thing to remember. It's something I've been fighting with for a long time, and as I look upcoming parenthood, it's another piece of a very jagged puzzle. It's hard to add a piece and not drop others out. So be kind : ) It sounds like you're getting what you need.

[RES]

1 hour ago, TimovieMan said:

2 hours ago, Salinger said:

Im a nice person, i deserve to be kinder to myself. 

Print this out and stick it somewhere you'll see it often!

^^This^^

[Salinger]

2 hours ago, shaar said:

 

YESYESYES

 

This is such a great update.  I'M SO GLAD FOR YOU. <3 It is intense but isn't it wild how other people can turn things around so you can see them clearly??  Fascinating.

 

A Forest is one of my favorites too!!

 

Yes its pretty wild, you are right there!!! And Thankss  xx

 

2 hours ago, TimovieMan said:

Print this out and stick it somewhere you'll see it often!

 

My fave The Cure song as well!

 

 

Good idea!!

 

Yeahhhh A FOREST! x

 

1 hour ago, DaemonCorax said:

What a great post. I think a lot of healing is realizing how we are not kind to ourselves. But also, your therapist separating yourself into parts - we aren't one thing. We are multi-faceted creatures. In a world where "having it together" smooths things over with frosting, I think this is a hard thing to remember. It's something I've been fighting with for a long time, and as I look upcoming parenthood, it's another piece of a very jagged puzzle. It's hard to add a piece and not drop others out. So be kind : ) It sounds like you're getting what you need.

 

Thank you <3 xx

 

34 minutes ago, RES said:

^^This^^

 

<3 thanks xx

[Salinger]

Thanks all!!!! 

 

Just gone 7pm, ate dinner, chops, sweet potato and roast veggies. YUM

 

 

i had and have work to do, BUT i was exhausted so i wrapped myself in my blanket, in front of the fire, and took a 40 minute nap. BLISS. Woke up feeling refreshed. Jules settled himself on my chest whilst i slept too haha now he is on the sofa stretched right out.  Jackson is on my bed <3

 

I practised some guitar again. I can play jingle bells a little bit ahaah

 

I don't plan to do MUCH this evening. Perhaps watch the football, drink some tea, listen to music, have a shower, get an early(ish) night too. x

[Cheetah]

Sounds like a very positive day!  The chops look divine.  :-)

 

6 hours ago, Salinger said:

I'm a nice person; I deserve to be kinder to myself. 

 

I Agree With Salinger™

[Salinger]

13 hours ago, Cheetah said:

Sounds like a very positive day!  The chops look divine.  :-)

 

 

I Agree With Salinger™

 

They were very tasty

 

and thanks <3 xx

[Salinger]

Hey, 11.40am, been running around trying to pack and not forget things for London. I dont really need anything, just got to remember present for my friend, and stuff. Im looking forward to seeing my mates BUT im also a bit anxious as its going to be a huge house party tomorrow night. Plus i have to sleep on the sofa blueerghh oh well. i shouldnt complain!!!

 

Anyway, just had a shower, now im freezing cold as my hair is wet and my dryer has broken! It needs to dry quickly as i have to leave in one hour !! 

 

I might pop on here tonight, but if i dont, speak to you guys on Saturday xx

[Wild Wolf]

1 hour ago, Salinger said:

Hey, 11.40am, been running around trying to pack and not forget things for London. I dont really need anything, just got to remember present for my friend, and stuff. Im looking forward to seeing my mates BUT im also a bit anxious as its going to be a huge house party tomorrow night. Plus i have to sleep on the sofa blueerghh oh well. i shouldnt complain!!!

 

Anyway, just had a shower, now im freezing cold as my hair is wet and my dryer has broken! It needs to dry quickly as i have to leave in one hour !! 

 

I might pop on here tonight, but if i dont, speak to you guys on Saturday xx

 

Have fun! Be safe! Make smart choices! And be kind to yourself, Sal. You rock, girlfriend  

 

Wolf

[Rinna]

1 hour ago, Wolfpool said:

Have fun! Be safe! Make smart choices! And be kind to yourself, Sal. You rock, girlfriend  

 

THIS ^^

[shaar]

Safe travels and have a fun time!  You're gonna do great!!

[Echoceanic]

Yay I'm so happy about all the progress you've done. You do deserve to be kinder to yourself.

 

There is nothing wrong with moving away from a friend if you can't handle being supportive, especially if you have baggage. You are doing the right thing by not voicing those feelings on accident and working through them with some space.  Sometimes we can't be there for someone. And yes, it's stupid and weird but most abuse victims still like and love their abusers, because they are not assholes all the time and actually ramp it up over time, plus gaslighting (Stockholm syndrome is  not acknowledged as a thing btw) and history affect it. It's part of the process.

 

I hope you have a nice time! 

[Salinger]

On 11/29/2018 at 1:42 PM, Wolfpool said:

 

Have fun! Be safe! Make smart choices! And be kind to yourself, Sal. You rock, girlfriend  

 

Wolf

 

Thanks Wolfie <3 xx

 

On 11/29/2018 at 3:32 PM, Rinna said:

 

THIS ^^

 

<3 xx

 

On 11/29/2018 at 5:36 PM, shaar said:

Safe travels and have a fun time!  You're gonna do great!!

 

<3 xx

 

On 11/29/2018 at 7:20 PM, Echoceanic said:

Yay I'm so happy about all the progress you've done. You do deserve to be kinder to yourself.

 

There is nothing wrong with moving away from a friend if you can't handle being supportive, especially if you have baggage. You are doing the right thing by not voicing those feelings on accident and working through them with some space.  Sometimes we can't be there for someone. And yes, it's stupid and weird but most abuse victims still like and love their abusers, because they are not assholes all the time and actually ramp it up over time, plus gaslighting (Stockholm syndrome is  not acknowledged as a thing btw) and history affect it. It's part of the process.

 

I hope you have a nice time! 

 

Thanks Echo! <3 xx

 

 

 

[Salinger]

Morning all... im back!

 

7.30am monday morning phew....what a weekend. Aghhhhhh

 

Thursday night in London, had some beers (too many really) just hung out with a few close friends, we didnt want to go overboard as the party was Friday. 

 

Friday comes along, spent the day sleeping, chilling, putting up decorations etc. Then getting ready, then starting the party. Around 40/50 people were there, packed out, it was very cool and fun. I admit though, i took too many drugs and drank too much. The party ended at 10.30am....which is silly dont you think? haha

 

So Saturday i had maybe 2 hours sleep before having to get up and get the train back to Manchester, worst journey of my LIFE  felt so ill. Home, showered, slept at 8pm all the way through to Sunday!!

 

Sunday, yesterday....awful. Went to watch the football. The less said the better. Heartbreak though for my team. ANYWAY MOVING ON....

 

So i slept terribly last night, have heart burn, prob due to ALL the booze and drugs i have had over the weekend. need to stay off the alcohol this week i think, eat clean, exercise....get back on the wagon. 

 

Also need to be aware of the come down from the drugs. I may be hyper sensitive for the next few days. And just need to acknowledge that and self care. Not let it spiral out of control. 

 

So i have some good intentions for the week...i also have some worries about money, but i have barely spent a penny all weekend, my friend whose birthday it was supplied all the alcohol  and drugs.... and yesterday my very good friend sorted out the drinks for the footy. I so lucky. I just want to be able to treat my friends if i get the funding, then i can!! At the minute i have £4 in my bank account, and get some money through on the 6th, which will pay last bit of rent and paying people back and loan sharks aaaagh fuck sake stress anxiety stress anxiety. 

 

I will do a spreadsheet for finances today or tomorrow, see what im left with. Its never ended because i have so much to pay BACK.....i dont have enough to pay rent on the 20th either....if that makes sense? Total cycle of shit. 

 

So anyway. IM BACK hahaha nice miserable post  im trying not to be sad though, and think how nice my friends are and im lucky to have them around, and that i can come on here and catch up with my NF friends too.... thats cool isnt it ! 

 

Right, a cup of tea i think, and some bran flakes xx

 

[jonfirestar]

I'm glad that you had fun over the weekend! 

[Salinger]

2 hours ago, jonfirestar said:

I'm glad that you had fun over the weekend! 

 

Thank you Jon xx

[Salinger]

Hey all. 4pm.  i dont feel very well really. Headache,  nausea, on edge....blueerghh. 

 

Just got some bollegnese sauce out of the freezer to have later and im trying to drink alot of water to help with nausea. I have acidic reflux too.... any tips for how to stop it? Its Horrrrrrrible  

 

Im just listening to music, exhausted, can barely keep my head up. I have so much work to do as well but i just cant seem to get through it. Lets do a shuffle. To cheer me up. 

 

Bruce Springsteen - Thunder Road

Faithless - God is a DJ

The Animals - Boom Boom 

Violent Femmes - Kiss Off

Black Lips - Mr Driver

 

Ok some great tunes which have lifted me a little...xx

[shaar]

*backflips in*

 

Hello from the High Sovereign of Stomach and Reflux Problems~

 

My go-to curealls for nausea are always 1. ginger and 2. peppermint.  I don't know if you have any fresh ginger around, but the my #1 knock-out remedy is thinly sliced ginger root boiled on the stove for ~20 minutes, let cool, sweeten with honey, and drink. Right as rain. <3  Smelling peppermint helps me too, like peppermint essential oil, or gum, or candy.....

 

Hang in there today!  You can totally weather all this. <3

[Salinger]

2 minutes ago, shaar said:

*backflips in*

 

Hello from the High Sovereign of Stomach and Reflux Problems~

 

My go-to curealls for nausea are always 1. ginger and 2. peppermint.  I don't know if you have any fresh ginger around, but the my #1 knock-out remedy is thinly sliced ginger root boiled on the stove for ~20 minutes, let cool, sweeten with honey, and drink. Right as rain. <3  Smelling peppermint helps me too, like peppermint essential oil, or gum, or candy.....

 

Hang in there today!  You can totally weather all this. <3

 

*high five*

 

Hey Shaaaaar. I dont have any ginger noooo or honey. But my dad has asked if i want him to get me a small food shop delivered this week, so i will pop it on the list! Thank you. I may have some peppermint tea somewhere, i will go and look in a moment

 

I also have some chewing gum somewhere too so will try that. Thanks a lot for the advice you star. SHAAR THE STAR 

 

xx

 

[shaar]

OH!  Peppermint tea is great too, I forgot!!  I prefer homemade ginger tea on the stove vs pre-bagged because it comes out stronger, like, super zesty.  But peppermint tea always does the trick too, sometimes I'll make it double strength!

 

I've been nauseous for the past few days too so I Feel your pain.  It's seriously the worst feeling ever........

[Salinger]

17 minutes ago, shaar said:

OH!  Peppermint tea is great too, I forgot!!  I prefer homemade ginger tea on the stove vs pre-bagged because it comes out stronger, like, super zesty.  But peppermint tea always does the trick too, sometimes I'll make it double strength!

 

I've been nauseous for the past few days too so I Feel your pain.  It's seriously the worst feeling ever........

 

I actually found a few bags of the ginger/turmeric tea you sent me!!!! So im sipping on that right now. hope it helps! yummy either way! Ive also lit the fire and put the fairy lights on to cheer myself up hahah 

 

Hope your nausea goes quickly xx

[Salinger]

Morning. Its 9am here and again, so cold, and foggy!! Looks pretty cool, like zombies will come out of the fog. 

 

I have a nice hot cup of tea and will make some toast and beans soon i think, with scrambled eggs. yum. 

 

So my dad asked the other day, if i would like a small food shop delivery that he will pay for. (£35/40 worth) As my sister had asked for one. So i said of course yes. That should arrive this afternoon! I picked lots of veggies, salads, protein... I need to do better. Bloody hell. BUT i dont want to track stuff that much either...catch 22.....

 

Exercise is still non existant which saddens and frustrates me. Depression/Anxiety is fucking shit. I hate it so much. It is stopping me doing anything other than drink and take drugs (to numb things)

 

Anyyyyway. I have work to do today, as ever. Open calls to sort out mainly. Proposals to write. Videos to make. 

 

My sickness has receded this morning thank fully and so far, the acid reflux has gone. Ive ordered some peppermint tea and some ginger root and honey to make tea, like @shaar suggested so i will sip on that when the nausea etc comes back. 

 

Overall, im ok, just very frustrated and bloody sad....sad sad sad. Maybe a come down from the drugs? But im hyper aware of that so trying not to think too much of it. Or else i get guilt pangs. 

 

xx