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Salinger's seventeenth challenge!


Salinger

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Hello, its nearly 3pm, i have another cup of tea, the fire is already on and im tired man. So tired. Oh and i have music on and whilst i write ill put down songs that play....

 

Placebo & David Bowie - Without you im nothing

James - Sometimes

The Cure - Burn

Orbital - Belfast

Nick Cave - Jesus Alone

 

A good list hey, music speaks to my soul seriously, where would we be without it??

 

So my food delivery arrived about an hour ago. Everything totally clean and fresh. I will probably cook / roast some veggies and put in a tupperware box this afternoon. So its easy to heat up in the microwave each meal. I also have protein (mainly chicken and pork chops and salmon and halloumi) and veggies to boil (brocolli, cauli, KALE)  and also sprouts and pancetta to try (i cant remember the thread was it @Charlie_Quinn's??) it inspired me to try them, although i like them the boiled way too :) salad stuff (celery, tomatoes, cucumber, rocket, eggs) and carbs (sweet potatoes, brown rice)

 

Ok so thats main meal sorted....i generally have bran flakes for brekky, and dont eat lunch really, but im so hungry by the time dinner comes round....need to assess this!! My calories are way too low, so low im not losing weight at all prob. Because my fat is just storing itself. IDIOTS!

 

Hmmmmm will think over lunches, maybe scrambled eggs with beans, or a chicken salad or something?

 

Anyway whatever. Like i said, its 3pm almost, its getting dark already unfortunately. I have work to do but im also thinking i could go on my bike somewhere? But i probably wont. I swear im getting mild agoraphobia. I just cant make myself leave the house, unless i know ill be drinking alcohol :( Maybe im just a lazy twat??

 

I ordered my sister a present for christmas, with the little bit of money i had left, some vegetarian sweets, and a mug with a deadpan looking sheep on it. HAHA she is obsessed with sheep. I might also get her Shaun the Sheep dvd cos its only 50p on ebay. Just for a laugh. :D 

 

I get some money on the 6th, but like i mentioned yesterday, most of it will be going on paying the rest of last months rent, pay day loan interest, and loan from a friend. Which means i will be short AGAIN for Decembers rent. Never ending cycle of absolute fucking strain and stress. I might talk to my landlord about it tonight, if i can change the date i pay, not that it will make a difference actually? ugh i duno .... If i get the funding though, everything will be perfectly great. *please please please*

 

Thanks for reading xx

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18 minutes ago, Salinger said:

sprouts and pancetta to try (i cant remember the thread was it @Charlie_Quinn's??) i

I had shredded sprouts and , well bacon because I didn't have pancetta in my fridge, for breakfast this morning! All because of Charlie's thread. I like sprouts boiled so long as they aren't boiles do hard they are just mush. It' makes me heave to eat them like that. Soooo gross :P Why would anybody ruin a perfectly good vegetable like that? 

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2019 Roadmap

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" Always aim for something stupidly crazy." - Charlie Quinn

2019 Races: Cliveden MTR 06/01 | Nuts Challenge 02/03 | Reading Half Marathon 17/03 | W.A.R 27/04 | RRDW 11/05 | Nuclear Oblivion 19/05 | Man vs Lakes 20/07 | Spartan Trifecta Weekend 05-06/10 | OCRWC 11-13/10

 

Current Challenge: First Steps

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1 hour ago, jonfirestar said:

I had shredded sprouts and , well bacon because I didn't have pancetta in my fridge, for breakfast this morning! All because of Charlie's thread. I like sprouts boiled so long as they aren't boiles do hard they are just mush. It' makes me heave to eat them like that. Soooo gross :P Why would anybody ruin a perfectly good vegetable like that? 

 

Im excited to try them mmmmmmmm x

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3 minutes ago, Salinger said:

Im excited to try them mmmmmmmm x

Kale is pretty good cooked that way too! And Broccoli.... 

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strava - myfitnesspal - Instagram

2019 Roadmap

Spoiler

 

" Always aim for something stupidly crazy." - Charlie Quinn

2019 Races: Cliveden MTR 06/01 | Nuts Challenge 02/03 | Reading Half Marathon 17/03 | W.A.R 27/04 | RRDW 11/05 | Nuclear Oblivion 19/05 | Man vs Lakes 20/07 | Spartan Trifecta Weekend 05-06/10 | OCRWC 11-13/10

 

Current Challenge: First Steps

Previous Challenges: 12 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24

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6pm...update. Im listening to an amazing song called Be Safe, by The Cribs. The song features a spoken word contribution from Sonic Youth's Lee Ranaldo, in which he rails against the ills of the modern world. It is fucking awesome guys.....

 

Makes me want to smash shit up, but in a good way, make art, fall in love, sing and dance in the rain, run into the wind, cry, tear down the government......aaagh MUSIC GUYS <3

 

Anyway. I made some more roasted veggggggggies (aubergine, courgette, red pepper, tomatoes, red onion, mushrooms, fresh rosemary, garlic and olive oil) 

 

47367535_650152932048117_7465308585342271488_n.jpg?_nc_cat=104&_nc_ht=scontent-lht6-1.xx&oh=074b4e500f1c206baf87010a36e70083&oe=5CAF094C

 

 

mmmmmmm ive marinated a chicken breast too to have later, alongside sweet potato. YUM. Ive eaten more today than usual so not too hungry at the moment. WIll eat around 7pm probably. 

 

I also got some ginger and will make some tea shortly, with honey, the way @shaar suggested. To help with my anxiety and nausea. 

 

I feel ok actually but hey a funny story....remember my silly lonely hearts advert i made? For that art project? Well ive had a response HAHAAHAH last week a boy got in touch, said he follows me on twitter and thinks im sound, and have good political views hahaha :D we chatted a little, and he gave me his number. How funny. He seems nice, and is pretty. Not spoken today but im sure he will message me later. 

 

ahhhh life is weird. x

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I dunno about the food tracking - looks like you're making amazing food from whole ingredients, so maybe don't stress the tracking too much. Sometimes needing to overmanage everything can make it more stressful, and it sounds like your bookkeeping woes are demanding your attention. Besides, it's winter. Winter is made for running the over and roasting all the things :)

 

Hang in there. Maybe if you sit on the floor to watch TV you can trick yourself into some yoga without going out into the cold. *hugs*

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Current challenge:This is not how daemoncorax used to wake up

Previous challenges: DaemonCorax doesn't go on vacation

(STR 21; DEX 3; STA 10.5; CON 8.3; WIS 15; CHA 2 - but these are SUPER out of date.)

While we have to stay away from the desert, we can always ride our bikes.

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Oh, today I learned aubergine is more than just a color!  ( Eggplant! )

 

1 hour ago, Salinger said:

I feel ok actually but hey a funny story....remember my silly lonely hearts advert i made? For that art project? Well ive had a response HAHAAHAH last week a boy got in touch, said he follows me on twitter and thinks im sound, and have good political views hahaha :D we chatted a little, and he gave me his number. How funny. He seems nice, and is pretty. Not spoken today but im sure he will message me later. 

 

ahhhh life is weird. x

 

NYAHAHAAAA remember, remember what I told you?  When people find you when you least expect it?? ^_____________^

 

The world is magical sometimes~

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i am not waiting for a hero.  i saved myself long ago.

Level 50 Bardic Time-Mage; of the Furious Heart

STR.55  DEX.43 STA.48 CON.51 WIS.53 CHA.65

"Well...in the end, it boils down to two simple choices. Either you do or you don't.

You'd think with all the problems in this world, there'd be more answers. It's not fair...
...But that's the way things are. The choice is yours."

»  kom starkru

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19 minutes ago, DaemonCorax said:

I dunno about the food tracking - looks like you're making amazing food from whole ingredients, so maybe don't stress the tracking too much. Sometimes needing to overmanage everything can make it more stressful, and it sounds like your bookkeeping woes are demanding your attention. Besides, it's winter. Winter is made for running the over and roasting all the things :)

 

Hang in there. Maybe if you sit on the floor to watch TV you can trick yourself into some yoga without going out into the cold. *hugs*

 

Thanks a lot, yes im eating well recently!! Tonight, was chicken breast, (two small ones) sweet potato and roasted veg. Forgot the bloody kale didnt i grrrrr Next time!!

 

47368688_306981490148067_5718706593361559552_n.jpg?_nc_cat=110&_nc_ht=scontent-lht6-1.xx&oh=5ff0108729782d3b9b51c619d21fabe1&oe=5CAAE2F1

 

Was really scrummy, totally enjoyed it. And now i have a peppermint tea to digest properly without the nausea. Hope it works!! Also drank a glass of water. Feeling healthy. 

 

Yes i could do some stretching at least.... or run up and down the stairs a bit?? My housemate will think im mad hahahaha

 

Listening to music and dancing too :) xx

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Just now, shaar said:

Oh, today I learned aubergine is more than just a color!  ( Eggplant! )

 

 

NYAHAHAAAA remember, remember what I told you?  When people find you when you least expect it?? ^_____________^

 

The world is magical sometimes~

 

YES i forgot you Americans call it Eggplant! And do you call courgette, zuccini or something?

 

 

Hhaha yes i remember :) it is magical, i wonder what will happen....if he keeps showing interest, i need to hang on and not run a mile .... xx

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5 minutes ago, Salinger said:

Forgot the bloody kale didnt i

 

I didn't this last week too! Finally cooked it last night and discovered preggo-me doesn't like kale. wtf.

 

Also, my mom totally trained for backpacking the Grand Canyon by running up and down the stairs and throwing a penny in a bucket every lap. She crushed it. So you can tell your roommate it's a proven training regime!

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Current challenge:This is not how daemoncorax used to wake up

Previous challenges: DaemonCorax doesn't go on vacation

(STR 21; DEX 3; STA 10.5; CON 8.3; WIS 15; CHA 2 - but these are SUPER out of date.)

While we have to stay away from the desert, we can always ride our bikes.

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9 hours ago, Salinger said:

Shaun the Sheep

 

My kids and I love Shaun the Sheep.  :-)

 

Keep fighting the good fight, Sal. 

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"Forget failure.  Forget mistakes.  Forget everything except what you're going to do NOW, and DO IT." - Lou Ferrigno

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KBO. - Churchill

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5 hours ago, DaemonCorax said:

looks like you're making amazing food from whole ingredients

 

Seconding this, your food always looks so yummy Sal, makes me want to steal a bite :lol: Do you put any kind of seasoning on your vegetables, or go with minimalist salt/pepper approach or...? Looks so nice!

 

5 hours ago, Salinger said:

And do you call courgette, zuccini or something?

 

Zucchini where i am! Aubergine and Courgette sound better and more appetizing.

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Matthew 25:34-40

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13 hours ago, DaemonCorax said:

 

I didn't this last week too! Finally cooked it last night and discovered preggo-me doesn't like kale. wtf.

 

Also, my mom totally trained for backpacking the Grand Canyon by running up and down the stairs and throwing a penny in a bucket every lap. She crushed it. So you can tell your roommate it's a proven training regime!

 

Oh NO!!!! no kale.... noooooo. 

 

WOW. haha amazing :)

 

9 hours ago, Cheetah said:

 

My kids and I love Shaun the Sheep.  :-)

 

Keep fighting the good fight, Sal. 

 

haha great!

 

And thank you Cheetah <3 

 

8 hours ago, Miaulin said:

 

Seconding this, your food always looks so yummy Sal, makes me want to steal a bite :lol: Do you put any kind of seasoning on your vegetables, or go with minimalist salt/pepper approach or...? Looks so nice!

 

 

Zucchini where i am! Aubergine and Courgette sound better and more appetizing.

 

Thanks Mia !! It tastes yummy too :) i just chop them up, put olive oil over them, some chopped garlic and some fresh rosemary. Then rub is all together. Not even salt or pepper (i dont like salt) 

 

xx

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Morning all. almost 10am. I feel exhausted but maybe partly to blame today. I was up chatting to that boy till around 2am :o silly silly. 

 

I have a nice hot cup of tea and my hood is up, its freezing. my word. SO cold this morning. Its raining too and im surprised no snow!! I am a bit worried as i think Ste is in bed still...but his car isnt outside. Hmmmmm i mean there must be an explanation but its a tiny bit anxiety inducing. I hope its not been stolen. 

 

I have work to do today, of course. Lots of it. And also therapy at 2.30pm. Just also going to take it reletively easy as my nausea is around. oh and Everton play tonight...lets hope we win. So an ok/good day i hope?!

 

Also want to work on some proposals which could be fun. Anyway. Just trying to keep myself busy and self care etc. xx

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19 hours ago, Salinger said:

and also sprouts and pancetta to try (i cant remember the thread was it @Charlie_Quinn's??)

 

There was about 3 pages of talk on my thread about sprouts, cheese and beer! :D

 

19 hours ago, jonfirestar said:

I had shredded sprouts and , well bacon because I didn't have pancetta in my fridge, for breakfast this morning! All because of Charlie's thread.

 

I'm glad I'm helping people get their vitamin C & K! 

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Hey all, 4.10pm

 

Finished therapy about 30 mins ago. Went so well again and I could cry actually. Today we talked about my inner critic, again we did role play exercise like we usually do, and I imagined myself being the voice/critic. We pondered why I tell myself these negative things about my body, my emotional states etc. Also discussed how I am within relationships, (with friends or partners) I can be needy perhaps or distant and I struggle to stay in the middle. Then i feel guilty and berate myself.  I said how I’m worried about perception constantly, how people view me...

 

We spoke about how I dislike myself a lot (im trying not to say i hate myself) and my body. After again role playing with voices, and then the therapist almost meditatively going through certain things, it came out that I thought my body was actually quite strong and how I have put it through so much (constant self harm, suicide attempts) yet I healed myself, my wounds are now scars, reminders of the strength ... that’s amazing and I’m alive and should begin to like myself and feel grateful for this vessel i am in?! That i attacked myself constantly, i abused myself with alcohol, food, drugs, a blade....and here I am. A lot of people wouldnt be here, yet this body got me through it all. 

 

So that was kind of a revelation.... I dont like myself because I believe I don’t deserve love, BUT i do deserve love, we all do. Im no different, im not special, im just another human being fighting like hell to live the best i can for the few years i have on this weird, fucked up little planet haha...

 

Anyway it was great as always and I feel quite emotional. So i made a peppermint tea and i just ate a satsuma. 

 

x

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I'm really digging all the new nutritious cooking items you're doing this challenge. Awesome job, Sal!

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"You can't climb the ladder of success with your hands in your pockets." - Arnold Schwarzenegger

"The important thing is not to think much but to love much; and so do that which best stirs you to love." - St. Teresa of Avila

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28 minutes ago, jstanlick said:

I'm really digging all the new nutritious cooking items you're doing this challenge. Awesome job, Sal!

 

SECONDING this!! :DDD

 

I'm so so so glad to hear about your sessions.  You are doing so well and you DESERVE love and kindness and I'm just so proud of you.  I heard the saying once, "We haven't come this far just to come this far," and dang if it isn't true. You've SO got this. <3

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i am not waiting for a hero.  i saved myself long ago.

Level 50 Bardic Time-Mage; of the Furious Heart

STR.55  DEX.43 STA.48 CON.51 WIS.53 CHA.65

"Well...in the end, it boils down to two simple choices. Either you do or you don't.

You'd think with all the problems in this world, there'd be more answers. It's not fair...
...But that's the way things are. The choice is yours."

»  kom starkru

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I'm glad therapy is going well for you.  And your cooking looks awesome!  You're doing so great; keep it up!

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  Level 45 Quasi-Human Ranger     

"Forget failure.  Forget mistakes.  Forget everything except what you're going to do NOW, and DO IT." - Lou Ferrigno

"Foxes Never Quit!"  -  Leicester City FC

KBO. - Churchill

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2 hours ago, jstanlick said:

I'm really digging all the new nutritious cooking items you're doing this challenge. Awesome job, Sal!

 

Thank you J :) enjoying the food! Although im pretty hungry a lot in the evening....x

 

1 hour ago, shaar said:

 

SECONDING this!! :DDD

 

I'm so so so glad to hear about your sessions.  You are doing so well and you DESERVE love and kindness and I'm just so proud of you.  I heard the saying once, "We haven't come this far just to come this far," and dang if it isn't true. You've SO got this. <3

 

Thank you Shaar <3 so nice of you to say that!! i do feel quite sad tonight but trying not to....x

 

52 minutes ago, Cheetah said:

I'm glad therapy is going well for you.  And your cooking looks awesome!  You're doing so great; keep it up!

 

Thanks a lot Cheetah <3

 

 

Like i said to Shaar, ive sort of really slumped right down tonight, as in need/want to cry my eyes out in despair. Will have a cup of tea and try to relax x

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Hey, good morning. 8am and cold but no snow. Rain though, lots of it...

 

i got some money today, its mainly already gone though, on last months rent shortfall, paying back loan sharks, interest on my overdraft....im in utter despair about how ill find this months rent. And the anxiety for whether or not i'll get my funding has been ramped up ... I NEED IT to survive. Ill find out in one week. **GULP**

 

Trying not to panic too much although the stress is burning me out massively. Ive done ok this challenge, not in terms of exercise, but with eating good nutritious food, and self caring...however, money and exercise and stress and anxiety is still at an all time low and i dont know how to manage it. It is fucking exhausting. 

 

Anyway, today i have a lot of work to do, even though im wondering what the point of it is...im killing myself with work but for what??? Seriously, id like to know!!

 

Its cold and wet, and im almost certain im developing a mild agoraphobia. Its as if i can not leave the house, unless i know ill be drinking alcohol at some point. I think about going to the gym, or to the shop, or to the post office ... and i freak out, i shake, i feel sick, and eventually i end up under my covers in bed. Shivering. Why is this? I could cry, because i never used to be like this. But im building these things up into massive issues, till it becomes an impossible task. And i dont know how to stop doing that. 

 

Oh what a lovely cheerful post. *roll eyes*

 

Im going to get a cup of tea and try to calm down xx

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It's sometimes really good to stop talking to ourselves like we're us, but start talking to ourselves like we're a friend. 

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"... However vast the darkness, we must supply our own light." -  Stanley Kubrick

"Difficult for myself? Agent... I was born difficult for myself." - Clint Barton

Challenges:  #1 #2 (mini) #3 (mini) #4 #5 #6 #7 #8 #9 #10 #11 #12 #13 #14 #15 #16 #17 #18 #19 #20

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You're doing really well. It's natural to feel raw and emotional when you start therapy. You start looking in some dark corners and it takes a while to digest and feel all the things that you haven't looked at in a while. Hug yourself and have more tea.

 

I don't know what you do for work, but seeing as it's holiday season could you pick up a side job in retail stocking shelves or something? I used to work for REI every winter through their February clearance sales and it was always welcome cash.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

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Current challenge:This is not how daemoncorax used to wake up

Previous challenges: DaemonCorax doesn't go on vacation

(STR 21; DEX 3; STA 10.5; CON 8.3; WIS 15; CHA 2 - but these are SUPER out of date.)

While we have to stay away from the desert, we can always ride our bikes.

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3 hours ago, Echoceanic said:

It's sometimes really good to stop talking to ourselves like we're us, but start talking to ourselves like we're a friend. 

 

Thanks Echo, im trying hard to do better at this x

 

2 hours ago, DaemonCorax said:

You're doing really well. It's natural to feel raw and emotional when you start therapy. You start looking in some dark corners and it takes a while to digest and feel all the things that you haven't looked at in a while. Hug yourself and have more tea.

 

I don't know what you do for work, but seeing as it's holiday season could you pick up a side job in retail stocking shelves or something? I used to work for REI every winter through their February clearance sales and it was always welcome cash.

 

 

Hey DC...Thank you. Yes you are right. Hugs and tea sound great. 

 

I am an artist so im massively busy pretty much ALL the time, but for little income. (unless i get the funding, ive had £32,000 iver two years off them which has paid my wages AND paid other artists and bands etc) im finding out in a week if i will get the £13,000 i applied for 5 weeks ago...which is probably why im so stressed and anxious (well more than usual!!) 

 

 

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