Jump to content

Salinger's seventeenth challenge!


Salinger

Recommended Posts

Sorry you're struggling, Sal. Someone once told me that anxiety is living in the future, depression is living in the past and we need to try to live more in the present. To which I asked, "And how do we do that?" I didn't like his answer because it was too flowery, life auras kinda stuff for me. But, I've held on to the first part to just be a reminder to live in the present. Kind of an anchor as it were to try to pull my thoughts back when I recognize I'm letting my mind get away on me. Then I usually cuddle up with the dog and immerse myself in something on the TV or a song or a book. Weird you wouldn't think distractions are much of a way to get back to the present, but, I think, they distract me from thinking about everything but the present. If that makes any sense. And, now I'm rambling, so I'll just send some internet hugs...

giphy.gif?cid=3640f6095c0d22703245596577

  • Like 2

"You can't climb the ladder of success with your hands in your pockets." - Arnold Schwarzenegger

"The important thing is not to think much but to love much; and so do that which best stirs you to love." - St. Teresa of Avila

Current Challenge: Seeks Balance | Battle Log: Ye Olde Battle Logge | NF Character: Public Profile | Strava 

Link to post
1 hour ago, jstanlick said:

Sorry you're struggling, Sal. Someone once told me that anxiety is living in the future, depression is living in the past and we need to try to live more in the present. To which I asked, "And how do we do that?" I didn't like his answer because it was too flowery, life auras kinda stuff for me. But, I've held on to the first part to just be a reminder to live in the present. Kind of an anchor as it were to try to pull my thoughts back when I recognize I'm letting my mind get away on me. Then I usually cuddle up with the dog and immerse myself in something on the TV or a song or a book. Weird you wouldn't think distractions are much of a way to get back to the present, but, I think, they distract me from thinking about everything but the present. If that makes any sense. And, now I'm rambling, so I'll just send some internet hugs...

 

 

Thank you J, yes ive heard that before too.... i guess its sort of right ? I mean whats the worst that can happen if i go outside?? Im not sure. 

 

But hey.... I DID IT. I stood in the garden for 10 minutes then tried not to think about things but got my bike out to the front, i got on and rode....however. It isnt great. It feels too low to the ground, or maybe im too bloody BIG for it :( ?? Either way it felt strange to ride it....so strange i barely left the front drive before putting it back. But hey i was stood outside so i may as well go somewhere? DO SOMETHING....

 

I got on a bus...went to Heaton Park and walked for 3 miles :D the sun was starting to go, and the light was gorgeous. It was pretty busy and i shyly said hello to people as they passed. But mainly i kept looking at my feet, or at the lake. 

 

48392214_467958693607919_7282063285967388672_n.jpg?_nc_cat=102&_nc_ht=scontent-lhr3-1.xx&oh=8b441c320f330ab82099fc1f97809732&oe=5CA69F59

 

Lovely little geese/ducks?! Pretty tame too...must be used to people flocking around them all day every day. 

 

Now im home, ive put the fairy lights on, put the fire on and i have a glass of water. Im still a little shaky but im kind of proud of myself. Im very very unfit, its quite embarrasing actually, and i can feel my calves ache a little but im pleased i got out. And the feeling now, in the warmth, with my cheeks rosy red, is good. 

 

My favourite photo i took...

 

48020597_212570596292573_8340852018117607424_n.jpg?_nc_cat=110&_nc_ht=scontent-lhr3-1.xx&oh=50ae7d286cab8461898f8ac7023343b1&oe=5C97D716

 

The light catching that puddle and the person on the horizon <3

 

Now, i think i will settle down and watch the football and perhaps make a roast dinner later...xx

  • Like 5
Link to post

^^ this!

And all the internet hugs.

Also I'm sitting on the floor with a cup of coffee and clean hair. I couldn't tell you the last day I washed my hair.

I cheat: the air is dry in CO.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  • Like 2

Current challenge:This is not how daemoncorax used to wake up

Previous challenges: DaemonCorax doesn't go on vacation

(STR 21; DEX 3; STA 10.5; CON 8.3; WIS 15; CHA 2 - but these are SUPER out of date.)

While we have to stay away from the desert, we can always ride our bikes.

Link to post

Sal I love those photos!!! I love seeing snapshots of other people's lives and places they go and stuff.  I think that's why I like taking photos, stuff I see every day is the norm but to other people it's brand new and super neat!

 

I'm so glad you got outside.  Sometimes it's so HARD.  But I'm proud of you.  You're doing great every day!! <3

  • Like 3

i am not waiting for a hero.  i saved myself long ago.

Level 50 Bardic Time-Mage; of the Furious Heart

STR.55  DEX.43 STA.48 CON.51 WIS.53 CHA.65

"Well...in the end, it boils down to two simple choices. Either you do or you don't.

You'd think with all the problems in this world, there'd be more answers. It's not fair...
...But that's the way things are. The choice is yours."

»  kom starkru

Link to post
1 minute ago, shaar said:

Sal I love those photos!!! I love seeing snapshots of other people's lives and places they go and stuff.  I think that's why I like taking photos, stuff I see every day is the norm but to other people it's brand new and super neat!

 

I'm so glad you got outside.  Sometimes it's so HARD.  But I'm proud of you.  You're doing great every day!! <3

 

Thank you Shaar! Yes i love seeing you guys photos and stuff, makes it easier to picture the words you all write :)

 

And thanks so much for being proud of me <3 It was a big thing today, all week ive been struggling to get out and im so happy i did (even if im a little achey right now) xx

  • Like 2
Link to post

Hey all. 9.30pm here, Ste is watching the snooker (haha) and im lazing about on the sofa commentating for him as he makes a cuppa hahahahah amazing. :D i feel so much better tonight. I made a big roast dinner for me and Ste, but i FORGOT TO TAKE A PHOTO :(

 

Roast chicken, roast potatoes, pork stuffing, cheese cauliflower, KALE, carrots, gravy YUMMMM Ste said it was 'incredible' - a nice comment haha :)

 

Now i have a cup of tea...im so tired tonight, after my walk probably. 

 

My friend who came to see me was really understanding about me not being able to meet him, so i feel better about that. I have another gig / event on Tuesday but to be honest, i dont want to go to that either. I feel im letting everyone down. But i am so so sad at the minute. I need some space i think. And not drink alcohol or take drugs. And i thought about going to for a hike on Wednesday, and if i go out Tuesday, ill never go....ill waste the day in bed hungover. I just dont know what to do!!! Self care needs to come first though i suppose? and maybe that means letting people down ...

 

This week is a busy one. Tomorrow i have work to do, lots of it. And need to sort doctors appointment out too. And then finish video stuff. Then Tuesday i have therapy, and work, and maybe this gig. Weds i hope to go on a hike....blah blah blah. 

 

Next Monday (a week tomorrow) i go to Edinburgh to see my VERY good friend. Im looking forward to it, and also anxious, and dont wana go hahahaha ffs. 

 

Ok so im just trying to be nice and kind to myself. I think i will meditate in a bit xx

 

 

 

 

  • Like 3
Link to post

The gigs and the people will be around days and weeks from now. Take your break now, when you need it, and you will be able to interact with them later while keeping your relationship with alcohol more on your own terms. You're doing great just recognizing you need the self-care time. And though you may feel like you're letting some folks down, your roommate is obviously getting an amazing roasted dinner benefit, so it must all come out in the wash right?

 

*hugs*

  • Like 4

Current challenge:This is not how daemoncorax used to wake up

Previous challenges: DaemonCorax doesn't go on vacation

(STR 21; DEX 3; STA 10.5; CON 8.3; WIS 15; CHA 2 - but these are SUPER out of date.)

While we have to stay away from the desert, we can always ride our bikes.

Link to post
34 minutes ago, DaemonCorax said:

The gigs and the people will be around days and weeks from now. Take your break now, when you need it, and you will be able to interact with them later while keeping your relationship with alcohol more on your own terms. You're doing great just recognizing you need the self-care time. And though you may feel like you're letting some folks down, your roommate is obviously getting an amazing roasted dinner benefit, so it must all come out in the wash right?

 

*hugs*

 

Thank you DC <3 so kind xxx

Link to post

Hey guys so @shaar and @SkyGirl have inspired me to do a little vlog myself, mainly as its nice to actually TALK out loud to somebody today, ive been sleeping a lot and generally not happy. 

 

I just showed the illustration to the client and he loves it, so thats great, that has made me happier. 

 

Hope you dont mind the non made up, bloaty face .......

 

 

  • Like 6
Link to post
51 minutes ago, Salinger said:

Feel awful, been crying most of the day. Hate myself. BUT @shaar's vlog just made me happy cry a bit (im so overly emotional and it just made me smile a lot ok!?) So im getting up and making a cup of tea. Thanks Shaar love xx

 

Was it because I swore a lot???  Frick I don't realize how much I have a sailor mouth until I hear myself (like in a vlog) and I'm like WHOA THERE KID

 

If it makes you feel ANY better about an hour ago I devolved into a strange howling crying mess too for a little bit, but now I'm better, I don't know how brains or feelings work but good lord it's 2018 and surely we could have better functioning bodies than this yeah??

 

I think sometimes we just gotta get all that stress out. :]

 

3 minutes ago, Salinger said:

Hey guys so @shaar and @SkyGirl have inspired me to do a little vlog myself, mainly as its nice to actually TALK out loud to somebody today, ive been sleeping a lot and generally not happy. 

 

I LOVE YOUR VOICE.  I can't put it into words but it's like, melody, like feminine and birds in the trees and stuff.  (Does that make sense??)  

 

WE RANGERS ARE STARTING A MOVEMENT HERE, A VLOG MOVEMENT, WOOOOOOO!! :DDDD

  • Like 4

i am not waiting for a hero.  i saved myself long ago.

Level 50 Bardic Time-Mage; of the Furious Heart

STR.55  DEX.43 STA.48 CON.51 WIS.53 CHA.65

"Well...in the end, it boils down to two simple choices. Either you do or you don't.

You'd think with all the problems in this world, there'd be more answers. It's not fair...
...But that's the way things are. The choice is yours."

»  kom starkru

Link to post
56 minutes ago, shaar said:

 

Was it because I swore a lot???  Frick I don't realize how much I have a sailor mouth until I hear myself (like in a vlog) and I'm like WHOA THERE KID

 

If it makes you feel ANY better about an hour ago I devolved into a strange howling crying mess too for a little bit, but now I'm better, I don't know how brains or feelings work but good lord it's 2018 and surely we could have better functioning bodies than this yeah??

 

I think sometimes we just gotta get all that stress out. :]

 

 

Maybe hahaha im a sucker for a sailor mouth :D 

 

Im sorry you cried a lot, what are we bloody like?!! haha good you feel a bit better <3 

 

56 minutes ago, shaar said:

 

I LOVE YOUR VOICE.  I can't put it into words but it's like, melody, like feminine and birds in the trees and stuff.  (Does that make sense??)  

 

WE RANGERS ARE STARTING A MOVEMENT HERE, A VLOG MOVEMENT, WOOOOOOO!! :DDDD

 

 

hahahhahah that made me laugh a lot... but awww thank you! I always think i have a man voice :o but now im going to tell myself i sound like birds in the trees :D thanks Shaar <3

 

YES THE VLOG MOVEMENT IS UPON US !!!

  • Like 1
Link to post

*sends you some hugs*

 

OOH A VLOG! *clicks* i'm waiting for it to load...loving this new movement of Vlogging Rangers!
*video plays*
Sal.
Sal, dear. Sal. You are? Adorable? Your smile is so contagious! You look lovely mon amie, and a beautiful voice as well!
Your drawing is LIT oh wow...was it fun to do? It looks fantastic!

  • Like 1

Matthew 25:34-40

Link to post
Just now, Miaulin said:

*sends you some hugs*

 

OOH A VLOG! *clicks* i'm waiting for it to load...loving this new movement of Vlogging Rangers!
*video plays*
Sal.
Sal, dear. Sal. You are? Adorable? Your smile is so contagious! You look lovely mon amie, and a beautiful voice as well!
Your drawing is LIT oh wow...was it fun to do? It looks fantastic!

 

Thanks for the hugs Mia, i needed them :)

 

haha Awww thank you so much! <3

 

Yes i enjoy drawing because im not that good so i like to use my 'wrong' hand and it turns out ok haha. Thank you :):)

 

xxx

Link to post

The vlog was great!  Now I have a voice to read your posts in.  :-)  The drawing was excellent, as well.

 

I hope today is finding you well.  Remember to be kind to yourself today.  You deserve it!

  • Like 1

  Level 45 Quasi-Human Ranger     

"Forget failure.  Forget mistakes.  Forget everything except what you're going to do NOW, and DO IT." - Lou Ferrigno

"Foxes Never Quit!"  -  Leicester City FC

KBO. - Churchill

Link to post
8 hours ago, Cheetah said:

The vlog was great!  Now I have a voice to read your posts in.  :-)  The drawing was excellent, as well.

 

I hope today is finding you well.  Remember to be kind to yourself today.  You deserve it!

 

Thanks Cheetah!!!! If you have any famous people you want me to draw, let me know :P

 

Yes i will remember to be kinder to myself, thanks so much for the reminder xx

Link to post

Hello all, its MIDDAY.....

 

Im so fucking cold, i might have to put the fire on soon (i dont like putting it on too early because it costs money!)

 

I have a busy(ish) day today, and im panicking a little, so im going to do a Shaar list, and hope it helps...

  • Therapy at 2.30pm.
  • Go to post office and send parcel.
  • Do two commissioned drawings. 
  • Go to the food shop for milk and chicken. 
  • Make a hair appointment. 
  • Contact famous musician  by email. Introduce organisation to him. 
  • Sort out medication into days of the week pill box.
  • Change bedding. 
  • Eat healthy food. 

 

Think thats the main things i need to do today! 

 

Its that gig tonight, and a few friends are willing me to go...but i reallly dont know what to do. I dont THINK i want to go ... but im unsure. bluerrgh. Wish i could make decisions haha

 

Ill keep relaxed or try to, and decide later i guess?!

 

x

  • Like 2
Link to post
18 minutes ago, Salinger said:

but im unsure

 

You know, I'm not going to tell you what to do; you have to make your decisions.  but it sounds like you're struggling with clarity of thinking, so I can try to help with that.  When I have this kind of trouble, I find it helps to question myself about the situation and the possible outcomes.  So you might ask yourself,

 

If I go to the show, what will happen there?  Am I likely to drink/drug?

Do alcohol and drugs interact with my medication in a good way or bad way?

If I go and drink/drug, how will I feel about that tomorrow?

 

To be clear, I'm not claiming to know the answers.  But questions might be a good place for you to start.

  • Like 4

  Level 45 Quasi-Human Ranger     

"Forget failure.  Forget mistakes.  Forget everything except what you're going to do NOW, and DO IT." - Lou Ferrigno

"Foxes Never Quit!"  -  Leicester City FC

KBO. - Churchill

Link to post
3 minutes ago, Cheetah said:

 

You know, I'm not going to tell you what to do; you have to make your decisions.  but it sounds like you're struggling with clarity of thinking, so I can try to help with that.  When I have this kind of trouble, I find it helps to question myself about the situation and the possible outcomes.  So you might ask yourself,

 

If I go to the show, what will happen there?  Am I likely to drink/drug?

Do alcohol and drugs interact with my medication in a good way or bad way?

If I go and drink/drug, how will I feel about that tomorrow?

 

To be clear, I'm not claiming to know the answers.  But questions might be a good place for you to start.

 

Thank you Cheetah for helping me. Yes you are right i am struggling with clarity of thinking....

 

Ok so...

 

If I go to the show, what will happen there?  Am I likely to drink/drug? - Yes i will definitely drink, maybe drugs but more likely just alcohol.

Do alcohol and drugs interact with my medication in a good way or bad way? - Im told it interacts with my medication, but i am unsure with how much really. 

If I go and drink/drug, how will I feel about that tomorrow? - I will probably feel guilty if i overdo it with drinking. Hungover too. I will also feel bad for spending money i dont have.

 

I think in all honesty i want to stay at home, in the cosy warmth, listen to music, read, watch football....but i have massive FEAR OF MISSING OUT syndrome. I think ill be missing the best gig/event/night out i could ever have. I do miss my friends, i havent been out in over a week. I dont know. Its easy for me to talk myself out of it haha xx

 

 

  • Like 2
Link to post
1 minute ago, Salinger said:

FEAR OF MISSING OUT

 

I completely understand, and that fear is totally legit.  If you don't go, you will miss that time with your friends.  So it becomes a question of priority.  Which choice advances your long-term health and well-being?  I'm not saying it's easy.  It's not.  I still struggle some days, even though I'm very aware of the tremendous damage I'd do to myself and my relationships and family if I drink.  Hard things are hard.  Good things are often hard.  But that doesn't make them less good.

 

For what it's worth, and I'm not a professional, but I'm not aware of any mental health medications that are not adversely effected by alcohol.  But you can always google that if you're not sure.

 

  • Like 2

  Level 45 Quasi-Human Ranger     

"Forget failure.  Forget mistakes.  Forget everything except what you're going to do NOW, and DO IT." - Lou Ferrigno

"Foxes Never Quit!"  -  Leicester City FC

KBO. - Churchill

Link to post
Just now, Cheetah said:

 

I completely understand, and that fear is totally legit.  If you don't go, you will miss that time with your friends.  So it becomes a question of priority.  Which choice advances your long-term health and well-being?  I'm not saying it's easy.  It's not.  I still struggle some days, even though I'm very aware of the tremendous damage I'd do to myself and my relationships and family if I drink.  Hard things are hard.  Good things are often hard.  But that doesn't make them less good.

 

For what it's worth, and I'm not a professional, but I'm not aware of any mental health medications that are not adversely effected by alcohol.  But you can always google that if you're not sure.

 

 

Thanks Cheetah. Yes priority wise, staying home, making a home cooked meal, reading, listening to my music, drawing, all in front of the fire, will help me more than going out getting pissed will. 

 

Also ill be drinking next week when im in Edinburgh. So... i should save money for that really. And be good this week. It is hard yes :(

 

Im glad i have you guys to help me though :)

 

xx

  • Like 2
Link to post

Hey all, 2pm now. Actually been pretty ok the past two hours, ive drank tea, and done three commissioned drawing. Graham Taylor (ex England manager in the 90s) and John Cooper Clarke (when he was young, and one from recently) 

 

The Cooper Clarkes were for one person, and GT was for another. Both love the drawings and i will send this afternoon!! AND they have paid me already :)

 

So that money goes into the rent fund....

 

Feels good to create stuff and get paid for it!

 

Im thinking of putting on another gig as well...got a few bands in mind, ambitious bands really but if you dont ask, you dont get!!!! 

 

Anyway, i have therapy in 20 minutes, and that generally helps a little, so im kind of looking forward to it, although he did say last week, that this week we will go a bit deeper into 'stuff' eeeeeek. 

 

I might have to light the fire to comfort myself hahaha. 

 

xx

  • Like 4
Link to post

Can confirm, is frickin' COLD here too!!  I put the fire on first thing this morning!  My car is covered in frost... ugghh!  Winter really is a thing, huh. Siigghh...

 

I hope your appointment goes well!  Let us know yeah?

 

I totally, totally, totally get the thing about meeting friends.  I'm the kind of person that makes plans ok, but then as it draws nearer I just... don't want to.  And it's not even really for any of the same reasons, I guess?  I'd just rather stay home in my own space and relax and watch trash TV in my sweatpants??  It's comfier, and especially after a long day of mental struggling the last thing I want to do is expend that effort to be social face to face... I know that probably sounds bad??  But it's a real feel for sure!

  • Like 3

i am not waiting for a hero.  i saved myself long ago.

Level 50 Bardic Time-Mage; of the Furious Heart

STR.55  DEX.43 STA.48 CON.51 WIS.53 CHA.65

"Well...in the end, it boils down to two simple choices. Either you do or you don't.

You'd think with all the problems in this world, there'd be more answers. It's not fair...
...But that's the way things are. The choice is yours."

»  kom starkru

Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

New here? Please check out our Privacy Policy and Community Guidelines