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Maggie-Miau

Miaulin: ELF PRACTICE INTENSIFIES

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5 hours ago, Salinger said:

 

Yes i think that definitely helps! We could both try to do it :)

 

Good luck making some yummy food!! You can do it xx

 

Yeeee  threw some vegetables in the oven! Onion, carrots, brussels sprouts, broccoli, and a garlic. And went ahead and put in some sweet potatoes so they'll be ready to go later on.

 

after we get groceries tomorrow i might try making sweet potatoes in the slow cooker to make things a little easier. I like them a lot but for some reason cooking them always seems harder than it really is :lol: 

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6 hours ago, Miaulin said:

after we get groceries tomorrow i might try making sweet potatoes in the slow cooker to make things a little easier. I like them a lot but for some reason cooking them always seems harder than it really is :lol: 

 

Regular potatoes are like this too!! I love them but they always feel like so much work to cook!

 

Your veggies sound SCRUMPTIOUS!!  :D 

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Got my sweet potatoes cooked yesterday! Today i had one with the leftover vegetables after church. Got groceries today, too, including a cabbage the size of my head :O and some dark greens and raw broccoli, and of course, hummus ^_^ I got some green tea, too, but will drink it sparingly to avoid too much caffeine. I've had lots of water to drink today!

 

Nerves are still frayed; for some reason i'm really nervous about tomorrow ( Monday ) as if i don't know what i'm supposed to be doing? So i'll make myself a checklist before bed to avoid getting lost. Also feeling antsy about my studenting goals, despite having a year to finish i feel like the deadline is RIGHT NOW and that i'm woefully unprepared. Everything's just feeling scary again. ( not in an actively angsty way so much, just a hmmmmm buzzy nerves way )

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You're doing great, Miau, and I'm so proud of you for taking steps to step back and help yourself out when you're feeling buzzy. You rock!

 

(Also your food sounds amazing!!!)

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On 12/8/2018 at 11:50 PM, Miaulin said:

 

after we get groceries tomorrow i might try making sweet potatoes in the slow cooker to make things a little easier. I like them a lot but for some reason cooking them always seems harder than it really is :lol: 

I'm curious to know how you did this :) 

 

I hope that you get through today (Monday). It's okay and normal to be nervous about things. 

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14 hours ago, Miaulin said:

Everything's just feeling scary again. ( not in an actively angsty way so much, just a hmmmmm buzzy nerves way )

 

Oh yeah.  This is a RealFeel right here.  Hang in there Miau, one day at a time, and we're all right here with you. <3

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So yesterday ( Tuesday ) started off with bad choices and finished with getting stressed out and self-harming. Hand instead of arm this time. The majority of it is on the palm side though so hopefully no one will notice. Was very much aware of the lead-up this time. Feeling weird today, too.

 

 

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1 hour ago, Miaulin said:

So yesterday ( Tuesday ) started off with bad choices and finished with getting stressed out and self-harming. Hand instead of arm this time. The majority of it is on the palm side though so hopefully no one will notice. Was very much aware of the lead-up this time. Feeling weird today, too.

 

 

 

Make sure its clean Mia, especially on the palm it could get dirt or stuff in it. And then wrap yourself in a hug from me. Its ok, its happened and now we move on yes? Next time we try a little harder to distract ourselves. Remember you can message me if you get the urges. (if you have facebook you can add me there, or if you want my mobile number, i always have my phone with me) 

 

You are strong and awesome and funny and cool. And i want you to know that and look after yourself. 

 

Can you do some self care today/tonight? Maybe a nice bath? Some writing? Drawing? Watch a film you love? Listen to song and have a dance in your room? Drink herbal tea? 

 

Always with you Mia, i understand how hard it is but you WILL get through this xxx

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14 hours ago, Miaulin said:

So yesterday ( Tuesday ) started off with bad choices and finished with getting stressed out and self-harming. Hand instead of arm this time. The majority of it is on the palm side though so hopefully no one will notice. Was very much aware of the lead-up this time. Feeling weird today, too.

 

Aww sweetie, things have been rough lately and sometimes there's just too much going on for you to fight it. I agree with Sal, take care of your hands and try to be super gentle to yourself today if you can. Remember that we love you no matter what, every minute of the day, till the end of all time. 

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On 12/12/2018 at 10:38 AM, Salinger said:

 

Make sure its clean Mia, especially on the palm it could get dirt or stuff in it. And then wrap yourself in a hug from me. Its ok, its happened and now we move on yes? Next time we try a little harder to distract ourselves. Remember you can message me if you get the urges. (if you have facebook you can add me there, or if you want my mobile number, i always have my phone with me) 

 

You are strong and awesome and funny and cool. And i want you to know that and look after yourself. 

 

Can you do some self care today/tonight? Maybe a nice bath? Some writing? Drawing? Watch a film you love? Listen to song and have a dance in your room? Drink herbal tea? 

 

Always with you Mia, i understand how hard it is but you WILL get through this xxx

 

Good advice Sal :3 Thank you for the suggestions. <3 <3 

 

19 hours ago, SkyGirl said:

 

Aww sweetie, things have been rough lately and sometimes there's just too much going on for you to fight it. I agree with Sal, take care of your hands and try to be super gentle to yourself today if you can. Remember that we love you no matter what, every minute of the day, till the end of all time. 

 

Thank you Sky ^_^

 

--------------------------

 

i think things are easing up now. Yesterday and today i didn't do much. Realized i'd managed to completely forget about some of my goals, oops. Weirdly enough not actually feeling bad about the self-harm. definitely i know it's a bad way to deal with things and should try harder to avoid it, but...weird as my emotions are i don't feel anything about that.

 

tomorrow is Friday and the only job will be to do some house-cleaning.

 

in other news, mom and i just finished a miniseries called Johnathan Strange and Mr. Norrel, which managed to lure me out of yesterday's fog. It was an odd show for sure, but kinda...Good? there was a nice quality to it. Really entertaining when i paid attention.

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4 hours ago, Miaulin said:

Johnathan Strange and Mr. Norrel

 

I've actually heard of this show but I can't remember where! It does look lighthearted and entertaining and maybe just what you need to help with the weirdness.  :) 

 

Do you have a routine for your housecleaning? I'm realizing that once I move I want to have a routine, like FlyLady or something like that, because I'm really bad at noticing when things need to be cleaned and I know I'll let things get out of hand if I don't establish good habits.  :) 

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11 hours ago, SkyGirl said:

I've actually heard of this show but I can't remember where! It does look lighthearted and entertaining and maybe just what you need to help with the weirdness.

 

For the most part it is lighthearted and comedic (at times darkly so actually) but the mood sort of whiplashes all over the place, from drama to heartfelt and warm, and there are some surprisingly serious topics thrown around, including class divide, hypocrisy, consent, personal agency, loyalty, and even some bits on depression. my most favorite character was this guy

 

8334281-high-jonathan-strange-mr-norrell

 

but i also really loved pretty much all the ladies and they're cooler every time i think about them :3 ( psssst it was also! surprisingly pretty much squeaky clean? no overdone bedroom scenes or particularly coarse language. there was one instance of nudity but it wasn't sexual at all and wasn't even close to the most distressing aspect of the scene in question )

 

11 hours ago, SkyGirl said:

Do you have a routine for your housecleaning? I'm realizing that once I move I want to have a routine, like FlyLady or something like that, because I'm really bad at noticing when things need to be cleaned and I know I'll let things get out of hand if I don't establish good habits.  :) 

 

:lol: at best it's "wash dish immediately after use" but otherwise...not so much. The house is weird and i have a tendency to avoid it even though logically i'm the only one available to tend it at all. It'll never be an aesthetically pleasing place but the least i could do is keep it relatively clean.

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1 hour ago, Miaulin said:

The house is weird and i have a tendency to avoid it even though logically i'm the only one available to tend it at all. It'll never be an aesthetically pleasing place but the least i could do is keep it relatively clean.

 

That makes sense!  :D  I think our apartment is kind of that way?? It has a big window but otherwise it's teeny and bare ... having it clean definitely helps though.

 

1 hour ago, Miaulin said:

For the most part it is lighthearted and comedic (at times darkly so actually) but the mood sort of whiplashes all over the place, from drama to heartfelt and warm, and there are some surprisingly serious topics thrown around, including class divide, hypocrisy, consent, personal agency, loyalty, and even some bits on depression. my most favorite character was this guy

 

8334281-high-jonathan-strange-mr-norrell

 

but i also really loved pretty much all the ladies and they're cooler every time i think about them :3 ( psssst it was also! surprisingly pretty much squeaky clean? no overdone bedroom scenes or particularly coarse language. there was one instance of nudity but it wasn't sexual at all and wasn't even close to the most distressing aspect of the scene in question )

 

That sounds most intriguing - and what a face on that guy!!  :o  Are you watching it on Netflix or on a channel?

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49 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

That stinks, I'm sorry.

56 minutes ago, Salinger said:

Oh my word Mia im so sorry - how awful :( thinking of you xxxx

 

Yeah U_U it was Pepper, the littlest. I didn't see him when i fed them all this morning, and kind of Knew. Went back to sleep ( with my big fluffy Gray Major beside me actually ) and had a dream about a black dog grabbing one of the cats and running away with it...woke up and grandad confirmed that indeed something ( probably a coyote ) had indeed got little Peppy. So the litter of five kittens is down to three. Hopefully we'll be able to get the others vetted and adopted by somebody before something happens to them as well. 

 

Weirdly i'm not crying. 2016 we had to cancel part of our Christmas plans because we  found out my aunt's cat ( it's worth noting said aunt lives over a hundred miles away and i hadn't had any contact with said cat in well over ten years ) had died and i was crying too much to go in a restaurant. <.< i am really upset but as per the norm lately crying is just not happening. huh.

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Oh Miau, I'm so sorry. :( <3  Sometimes crying happens, and sometimes it doesn't; if it doesn't happen now it may later when you are ready to process things.  I hope your day goes up from here and you can relax and take care of yourself and enjoy the weekend a bit!

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On 12/15/2018 at 10:51 AM, shaar said:

Oh Miau, I'm so sorry. :( <3  Sometimes crying happens, and sometimes it doesn't; if it doesn't happen now it may later when you are ready to process things.  I hope your day goes up from here and you can relax and take care of yourself and enjoy the weekend a bit!

20 hours ago, NeverThatBored said:

That's terrible, Miau. I'm so sorry.

8 hours ago, Salinger said:

How are you feeling Mia? Thinking of you xx

6 hours ago, jonfirestar said:

Oh Maiu, I'm really sorry to read about the kitten. That is so horrible. 

 

Thanks, everyone u-u Thing is, we had been bringing all four of them inside at night, but haven't been doing so recently because they kept bringing in fleas from outside, and have been getting too big to be cooped up in their pin all night ( our room doesn't have a door, and the main house isn't kitten proof, plus grandad would have a fit to have four kittens loose in the house ) so on Friday, i had just cleaned up the room and put away the kitten things. (their 'house', their pans, etc...) and that's the night something happens to one of them. I know it isn't really my fault or anything but i also keep having this kind of "oh, this must have happened because i'm a bad person" feeling despite not believing that that's how things even work.

 

We've been trying for months now to find a way to get the local cats vetted and rehomed, but this is a poor town and the local humane society turned out to not be able to help, so there's really nowhere else for the kittens to go while we're at square one. To top it off, the momcat is pregnant again. I don't mean for this to sound whiny or gloom-and-doom or anything, and really i do it to myself with my inability to not feed the strays or get attached.

--------------------------

 

Saturday:

 

Found out about the kitten that morning, was despondent for a few hours. Eventually ate food of some sort, can't remember what, was mostly alright and fairly lucid if that's the word i'm looking for ( mom told me she was surprised by this and had expected me to be sort of Zombie most of the day ) nighttime was pretty much insomnia. My Gray Major came in and slept on my bed, so for most of the night i knew for sure he was safe but i was awake all night panicking over the other cats and quietly begging God to keep the coyotes away.

 

Sunday:

 

All three ( :( ) kittens were just fine. Finally fell asleep around four-thirty or so and made us miss church because mom knew i hadn't slept and so decided not to wake me up. Mom went by Redbox later and picked up Crazy Rich Asians and Infinity War...i liked parts CRA a LOT but felt the crass humor distracted from the heart of it. Infinity War was pretty good...not a fan of how much swearing was in it (i promise i'm really not that prudish but really, it was a bit much for me personally) heh, i thought mom was only sitting through it because she knew my brother and i wanted to watch it but like. she straight up "Noooooooooo!" whenever someone, uh, didn't feel so good. :lol: slept better last night, still tangible relief finding all three kittens this morning.

 

Will admit i've been back on the tea like my life depends on it <.< really need to drink some unaltered water at some point today.

 

annnnnnnnnnnnnd wow this was a lot of rambling.

 

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Doublepost instead of edit <.<

 

Called (AHHHHHHHHHH) he vet for fixing estimates and Yikes. To get All of the cats completely taken care of it would be just over a thousand dollars, not counting dealing with however many kittens momcat has on this batch. The Negative Nancy/Realist in me says there is no possible way but then i also never thought mom would be able to get a new car. i'm investigating the gofundme types of things...i never believe those would work but anything's worth a shot. ( not planning to network it through here or anything! but i've a decent following on tumblr and the people there seem pretty good about spreading the word on things like this )

 

 in other news, just now i've had popcorn and chocolate milk for lunch. phonecalls, man.

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