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» shaar slumbers eternal in the house of the dreamer [the respawn chronicles, v. fin]


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10 hours ago, Raxie said:

Snow shoeing is so fun!!! It honestly isn't really any harder than walking unless you are going uphill.  You do end up going a lot slower is all. I love it because trails are so much emptier and you can such winter wonderland nature all to yourself :)

 

I’ve always wanted to snow shoe, seems like fun.  And work.  Maybe fun work?

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19 hours ago, Big_Show said:

I love that Holidaying Hard is a goal in your challenge.  I can definitely get behind that!

 

Heck yeah, it only comes around once a year, so why not??

 

17 hours ago, Rinna said:

 

For some reason I thought you ordered a live (real) tree.....so the assembly comment threw me for a loop.

 

 

# 3 makes sense to me.  My cat loves making pine scented things his squishy.  Pine trash bags, the mop after mopping with pine-sol.......I swear he’s love a pine tree air freshener.

 

GET OUT YOUR SAWS

 

That's so wild, I've never had a cat that was big on scents... except cat treats, or tuna, ahahaha..

 

17 hours ago, Urgan said:

 

DaVinci insists on drinking the sappy tree water out of the reservoir. Like he thinks we brought him an 8-9ft tall tea diffuser.....

 

Catte eww, catte WHY....... yum, surely there are better water sources, surely...Tis the season, I guess.  Blech.

 

14 hours ago, rowan said:

HALLO FRAND I SHALL FOLLOW YOU

 

YEEEEEEE HIHIHIHIHIHIHI

 

13 hours ago, Raxie said:

Snow shoeing is so fun!!! It honestly isn't really any harder than walking unless you are going uphill.  You do end up going a lot slower is all. I love it because trails are so much emptier and you can such winter wonderland nature all to yourself :)

 

YES SEE that's exactly what I want, slow-time winter wonderland nature!

 

2 hours ago, Rinna said:

 

I’ve always wanted to snow shoe, seems like fun.  And work.  Maybe fun work?

 

FWORK

 

Fwork sounds good!

 

Maybe we can all join the Sloth Aggressive Snowshoe Competition Team.....

 

 

 

THE TREE IS UP AND DONE ^__________________^

 

List updates:

 

- Edit and update resume (this is giving me anxiety)

- Take stock of holiday lights and decorations downstairs

- Try to get outside if the weather cooperates (Friday maybe?)

- Put up Christmas tree when it gets here!

- Go through stack of mail and pay bills

- Start measuring out Finn's food again (do this do this do this so easy do this)

- Don't eat or drink like an asshole (doing good here!!)

 

So overall not too bad!

 

I'm kind of struggling with some weird feelings and emotions lately - not weird in the sense of the word, but weird in that they're things I'm not really used to - so I'm just kind of.... processing and doing my best.  I don't wanna dump too much on here but maybe I will in the days to come.  I think I'm one of those people that would do great in like, a week-long silent monk retreat or something, or hibernating in a remote cave with no one but myself for like a month and pulling the rock-cave door shut behind me bye.  Buuuuut I can't really do that so. Constant in-person interaction makes me prickly (with a few exceptions), it's weird, sometimes I feel like I'm the only one like this, that's comfortable and at ease in constant silence.   Maybe I'll start journaling some more.

 

ANYWAYS.

 

It's snowing here for a little bit today and it's SO PRETTY.  Just light enough to look nice without like, actually accumulating. THE BEST OF SNOWS

 

giphy.gif

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6 minutes ago, shaar said:

That's so wild, I've never had a cat that was big on scents... except cat treats, or tuna, ahahaha..

 

I caught him rolling around on a pine scented trash bag.  And looked at me like What? when I saw him......You see nothing hoo-mahn.  And once he nipped me when my body spray wasn’t to his liking.  He’s a weird dude.

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14 minutes ago, shaar said:

Catte eww, catte WHY....... yum, surely there are better water sources, surely...Tis the season, I guess.  Blech.

 

Because Catte, that's why. Semi-feral nutbar fluffikins. We do in fact keep food and water available, but clearly Sap Water is superior in his eyes.

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I get prickly with too much peopling, too. Unless I'm peopling with people who can just be quiet and not really interact (like everyone sitting around and doing their own internet or book or journaling etc thing but in the same space). Honestly that's some of my favorite quality time with folks. But there's so few people who can really dig that so, yeah. Silence and solitude is great.

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2 hours ago, shaar said:

I'm kind of struggling with some weird feelings and emotions lately - not weird in the sense of the word, but weird in that they're things I'm not really used to - so I'm just kind of.... processing and doing my best.  I don't wanna dump too much on here but maybe I will in the days to come.  I think I'm one of those people that would do great in like, a week-long silent monk retreat or something, or hibernating in a remote cave with no one but myself for like a month and pulling the rock-cave door shut behind me bye.  Buuuuut I can't really do that so. Constant in-person interaction makes me prickly (with a few exceptions), it's weird, sometimes I feel like I'm the only one like this, that's comfortable and at ease in constant silence.   Maybe I'll start journaling some more.

 

You're an introvert. There are millions of us. We just never talk to each other.

introverts-unite.jpg

flat,550x550,075,f.u1.jpg

 

And as an early gift to you, I present the Google Search Results for "Massachusetts silent retreat." They are totally a thing, in virtually all religions and even in some humanist circles. 

 

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5 hours ago, shaar said:

TREE

Nice tree!

5 hours ago, shaar said:

not too bad!

Good job!

5 hours ago, shaar said:

struggling

I feel for your feels.  Struggling is hard.  Dump here at your leisure.

5 hours ago, shaar said:

THE BEST OF SNOWS

My kids have been disappointed so far with the lack of snow accumulation.  But that's only because they don't have to drive in it.

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Tree tree TREEEEE! So glorious and resplendent! Do you have a favorite Tree Dangly?

Silent retreats are amazing- i highly recommend it if you can swing it. People can be a lot and having a craving for silence snd stillness has been a spiritual and social thing since forever! Could be a nice january treat? Rend a cabin all alone for a weekend?



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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23 hours ago, Rinna said:

 

I caught him rolling around on a pine scented trash bag.  And looked at me like What? when I saw him......You see nothing hoo-mahn.  And once he nipped me when my body spray wasn’t to his liking.  He’s a weird dude.

 

Gosh who died and made him the SMELL POLICE???  Cats, sheesh.... I've heard of cats really liking to lick plastic bags 'cause of the texture and stuff, but not be the Scent Police!

 

23 hours ago, Salinger said:

Hey Shaar, the tree is amazing, so beautiful :)

 

If you ever want to talk privately about stuff going on, you know where to find me <3 xx

 

THANKYOU <3  It's the perfect size and it's so cozy when the fireplace is on.... I'm so glad we got it!!

 

( thankyou <3 )

 

23 hours ago, Urgan said:

 

Because Catte, that's why. Semi-feral nutbar fluffikins. We do in fact keep food and water available, but clearly Sap Water is superior in his eyes.

 

Mmmm the rare once a year delicious Sap Water, it's like a rare beer release or when Beaujolais Noveau wine is released, one of a kind, a taste sensation.......

 

23 hours ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

This came up in a search for aggressive snowshoeing and I thought you all needed to know.

be2d767f8b8b2c5d3f674d1539c636bc.jpg

 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

THE BAAABBYYYYYYYYYY oh gosh can i see them when i go snowshoeing oh gosh sign me up i don't care if it's 5 degrees

22 hours ago, Raxie said:

I get prickly with too much peopling, too. Unless I'm peopling with people who can just be quiet and not really interact (like everyone sitting around and doing their own internet or book or journaling etc thing but in the same space). Honestly that's some of my favorite quality time with folks. But there's so few people who can really dig that so, yeah. Silence and solitude is great.

 

I love sitting and doing my own thing with other people who are also, sitting and doing their own thing!  Silence is the best, I Get that some people aren't comfortable with it, but man I am...

 

20 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

You're an introvert. There are millions of us. We just never talk to each other.

introverts-unite.jpg

flat,550x550,075,f.u1.jpg

 

And as an early gift to you, I present the Google Search Results for "Massachusetts silent retreat." They are totally a thing, in virtually all religions and even in some humanist circles. 

 

 

I LOVE UNITING SEPARATELY IN MY HOME

 

I'm very extroverted online and in some in-person scenarios (it depends on who I'm with) but otherwise feck outta here let me be a surly quietface.

 

I'm not surprised at all to see how close many of those places are to my rural mountain home.... Western Mass is generally very liberal (with some exceptions, as all places do) and I'm also not surprised at the wide variety of belief systems.  I've already gotten sidetracked twice reading them...

 

18 hours ago, Cheetah said:

Nice tree!

Good job!

I feel for your feels.  Struggling is hard.  Dump here at your leisure.

My kids have been disappointed so far with the lack of snow accumulation.  But that's only because they don't have to drive in it.

 

Struggling BLECH.  I may dump later. (But not pooping outdoors, that was a thing of the past, no more Poopapalooza until 2019.)

 

I too am not looking forward to driving in it..........

 

13 hours ago, rowan said:

Tree tree TREEEEE! So glorious and resplendent! Do you have a favorite Tree Dangly?

Silent retreats are amazing- i highly recommend it if you can swing it. People can be a lot and having a craving for silence snd stillness has been a spiritual and social thing since forever! Could be a nice january treat? Rend a cabin all alone for a weekend?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

My favorite dangly is the big polar bear that looks like my enormous cat!!

 

Prices would be dang good on a January cabin out in nowhere.... hmhmhmhmhmhm

 

6 hours ago, DarK_RaideR said:

This thread could use more doot and christmas carols

46520553_506661636485560_551029519081380

 

2 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Klingon-home-page-image.jpg

I found this...

 

a97284_2172309441_0f4743effe_z.jpg

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38 minutes ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

Surly Quietface is my new self descriptor. Also the name of my next D&D character. Thanks for the inspiration. 

 

29 minutes ago, Urgan said:

image.png.1eec5b6db2e7a5cbe9dad620d27ee8b6.png

 

I present to the world my nondominant hand mouse painting rendition. 

 

This is all perfect and I look forward HEAVILY to the mis-adventures of Surly Quietface Vs The World!!

 

 

 

W E E K 1

 

Shark Week is here with a fury - like a nauseous, vertigo-headachey fury - and I'm certain it accounts for at least 50% of my current woe.  At any rate I'm down for the count at home today so there's that.

 

I managed to talk myself down from a random 3am anxiety attack so that's pretty rad too.  I guess I still do have some rationalizing powers left!!

 

I'm gonna sit down this afternoon and journal some.  While I'm hanging in there I'm definitely struggling - not that I'm at all surprised after everything - but it's time to figure out how to set it right. :)

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1 hour ago, shaar said:
On 11/28/2018 at 5:45 PM, Raxie said:

Unless I'm peopling with people who can just be quiet and not really interact (like everyone sitting around and doing their own internet or book or journaling etc thing but in the same space). Honestly that's some of my favorite quality time with folks. But there's so few people who can really dig that so, yeah. Silence and solitude is great.

 

I love sitting and doing my own thing with other people who are also, sitting and doing their own thing!  Silence is the best, I Get that some people aren't comfortable with it, but man I am...

 

This is basically my favorite way to spend my time.

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I sat myself down for 30 minutes of uninterrupted stream-of-consciousness journaling.  I should totally do this more often..............

 

Even if I don't have any real answers I feel good, stronger, a little more empowered to do my best. <3

 

Spoiler

The Dig To Find What's Wrong
V. 1

 

I'm not sure where to start with this.  All I know is that something is wrong.

 

It's not all the time.  Some days are perfectly normal and content and 'good'; I go about my day generally happy, at peace, productive with what I have. Grateful.

But it's the other days that catch me off guard.  I'm irritable, hopeless, depressed.  Anxious about something, nothing, everything.  Forlorn and bleak, like none of this will really matter.  I want to retreat from everything, become a ghost, a shade, alone with nothing but myself.  It's odd to me that this sounds so peaceful and calming like a warm heavy blanket over my soul - maybe it's a natural response after everything I've dealt with.  Regardless, it's something I can't do.

 

So, then what?

 

I'm feeling like I'm on the cusp of... something.  Like I am about to truly strip everything away, burn it all, and start from square one.  With everything.  I thought I had done that in months prior but in hindsight it was really just taking the necessary time, coping and processing everything that had happened to me since the start of the year.  I realize now that I don't grieve for my old life like I did months ago, I don't cling to memories with a forlorn sort of want or heavy hearted nostalgia.  I'm done grieving that.  I've had my time and rather unbeknownst to myself, I've packed that chapter away in a neat little corner of who I am, come to grips with it and content to remember it fondly and for what it was, not something that holds me back anymore.

 

So, then what?

 

I am a person of action.  I've always been a person that does what needs to be done despite the fear. But lately this hasn't been true.  I'm anxious about accomplishing stupid little tasks that past me would have done and dusted no problem.  Why?  Am I just tired?  This much is true, I'm tired of doing, I'm tired of constantly having to push forward more and more and more.  Everything is a struggle and it's been a constant push for longer than I'd like to admit, and the whiny part of me doesn't want to do it anymore, it wants a break, but that's just not the way life works, so I have to deal with it.  

 

Is it because so much has happened and I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop?  I've always been a person that, regardless, will look on the bright side of a potential outcome.  But lately this hasn't been true.  I'm waiting for the bad thing to happen, almost expecting it.  Related, I've been rewatching LOST recently - it's one of my favorite TV shows of all time and I've seen it from front to back, but it's been many years - and I think it comes at a very important time when I need some of the themes and topics that run throughout this show and its characters.  Jack, the man of science, versus Locke, the man of faith.  I'm only about halfway through season 1 but Locke's story is already pinging me very hard, a story of faith, and belief in.... something.  The island.  The universe.  Himself. Something.  His character and interactions are very poignant to me right now and I'm often struck by his words.

 

I often joke that my luck is terrible, but it couldn't be farther from the truth.  Where it counts, I am the luckiest person alive.  Everything I've dealt with, for decades, I've survived and built upon to keep thriving.  I'm very, very, very lucky.  Why?

 

I need to start taking better care of myself.  But I'm not sure how.  My needs are different than they ever have been.  I guess I'll start over from the ground up, and see what works.  Start with the basics, re-build a foundation.  I feel like I've lost faith in myself, in who I am, my abilities, the universe around me. I need to believe a little more.  Try a little harder than I have been.  Usually when I'm in a low spot I can dig around in my mental toolbox to find something that I can utilize to make myself feel better or even out, but lately it feels like that toolbox is empty.  I'm glad I've realized this, so I can dump out the dust and start searching for new things to put inside.  If nothing else, it's a start.

 

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Hey Shar, nice to see ya. And read ya.

 

I think it's normal. I am person who doesn't interact with people a lot just because of the fact there aren't a lot of people around be, but sometimes I am even aggressively in need of just silence. And peace. And sometimes I'm the other way around, but only with certain people.

I think you're at the 'now what' stage in life really. And let me tell you, you're dealing with as best as you could hope for. Introspection for the win.

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23 hours ago, Echoceanic said:

Hey Shar, nice to see ya. And read ya.

 

I think it's normal. I am person who doesn't interact with people a lot just because of the fact there aren't a lot of people around be, but sometimes I am even aggressively in need of just silence. And peace. And sometimes I'm the other way around, but only with certain people.

I think you're at the 'now what' stage in life really. And let me tell you, you're dealing with as best as you could hope for. Introspection for the win.

 

Hi Echo!!!  Hope you're doing ok, it's good to see you!! :DDD

 

"aggressively in need of silence" is the most perfect description ever, I think.  Wowie wow wow it's right on the nose!

 

Also definitely 'now what'...

 

(thank you <3)

 

22 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

The thought that comes to mind in reading your journaling is that you are looking for something outside of yourself to draw strength from. That is the most basic definition of spirituality, a practice by which a person draws strength from outside of themselves. 

 

You would not be wrong. :)  Doing lots of Thinks lately.

 

18 hours ago, Cheetah said:

Not likely.  They live in the Sahara Desert.  Of course, I've been snowboarding on sand dunes.  So yes, you can see them when you go snowshoeing in Africa.

 

OK BRB booking a trip to the desert and also learning how to snowshoe to see CUTE FOXES BLESS

 

 

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14 minutes ago, shaar said:

"aggressively in need of silence" is the most perfect description ever, I think.  Wowie wow wow it's right on the nose!

 

Would have seriously considered trading my life for some of that during that 3 hour catch-phrase-riddled yack attack they call a "m e e t i n g" yesterday boy howdy.....

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W E E K 1

 

Ok.  Ok.  Phew.  It's FRIDAY!

 

giphy.gif

 

Some Things I Have Done:

 

- Edit and update resume (this is giving me anxiety) D D D D DONE!!!  I sat down and did this yesterday and I have a Good Feel and it's all done and ready to roll.  Basically I had all the info I needed already written up, but I needed to make a new format with my current address and layout and such...

- Take stock of holiday lights and decorations downstairs

- Try to get outside if the weather cooperates (Friday maybe?) - This is gonna be a no-go since weather has been fairly chilly, and as a decade-long Southerner, I don't have proper warm-outdoorsey clothing yet... ;_;  Monday looks to be warmer, in the 50's, so I'd like to try then!

- Put up Christmas tree when it gets here!

- Go through stack of mail and pay bills

- Start measuring out Finn's food again (do this do this do this so easy do this) - ( why haven't i done this yet seriously uggghh h)

- Don't eat or drink like an asshole (doing good here!!)

 

I'm feeling pretty good today!  Journaling yesterday and getting my resume ready to go helped a lot.  I'm going to start looking for part-time work Monday, but if I see something full-time that's right up my alley, I won't say no.:3

 

This weekend I'm gonna put up the outside Christmas lights!!! SO HYPE!!!  I also strung up some white lights in my room, around the windows.  I keep them on a lot, something about the soft light is really cozy and calming and I'll probably leave them up through the spring to help with my struggling moods.

 

Still wanna go snowshoeing!!!!!!

 

Does it feel weird to anyone else that it's still November??  Like December is tomorrow but it feels like it should have been December for like a week now?  Is it just me??? Time is WEIRD?? ?? ????

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