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iatetheyeti: structured chaos

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Week Four

Today has been something of a day. I started it off with a strange man in my kitchen finally, finally fixing my washing machine (for the third time now, but this time it appears to have taken and I can honestly say I've never been so happy to do the washing). And then I think I may have had my end of 2019 Iceland race dream taken away. Maybe. We've got certain times during the year where we're not allowed to book holidays, mainly the last two weeks of December, so that was always out. But I was hoping the first two weeks wouldn't prove quite so popular as they have done. But depending on when they announce the dates and who else in my department plans on a late holiday, I might be able to get it done with shift swaps. On the plus side, this does leave me free to use my last three days of holiday on the OCRWC weekend (assuming that gets approved). And I finished up the day with a walk to the post office depot through the rain. That I enjoyed very much. There's just something about walking in the rain, the right kind of rain anyway, that lifts the mood. I mean, it's probably not a good thing to do whilst ill (I am a wheezing snot factory with next to no voice right now), but even so...


The latter is counting as my 'do something' for today as it was an entirely optional thing that could easily have been put off. Plus mental and physical benefits and all that.


I do wish the good mood had lasted a little longer. Today has been something of a weepy day for reasons both good and bad. That said, the crying itself is actually a good thing. If I'm still crying about it, whatever it may be, then I'm processing it, I'm dealing with it. It's when the crying stops that things get really bad.


I'm aiming for an early night tonight, and I'll have a little bit of free time tomorrow so I'd like to try and tidy the flat up a little. The repairman was surprisingly good about the depression mess look I've got going on here, but really, it's embarrassing.

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4 hours ago, iatetheyeti said:

I do have a fairly strong 'I'm going to drive everyone away and make them hate me' streak as well. It's... not much fun, to say the least


It's not fun at all. I've been struggling a lot with it recently. A big strong part of me wants to pull back from people trying to help me because of that fear. I know it doesn't always help when someone says this but I'm always here to talk if you need it. You are not going to say or do anything that will make me hate you. 


4 hours ago, iatetheyeti said:

I don't say this anywhere near enough, mostly because I'm not so good at actually finding the words to verbalise these things, but I really do appreciate everything you guys say and do. I'm not sure where I'd be without your support, but I doubt it would be anywhere good.

You really don't need to say anything at all. Just keep talking :) and keep being you. 


1 hour ago, iatetheyeti said:

And then I think I may have had my end of 2019 Iceland race dream taken away.

That would really suck if it comes down to that. They haven't posted the dates yet. I hope it is sometime you can get off. Not that I would be upset if you came down for OCRWC. 


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