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Bean Sidhe

Bean Si Vs Chaos – Just DO SOMETHING

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Bean... I gotta be honest, I’d love for you to be a Go Pro on your head so I can see how you do all the things you talk about in a 24 hour period..

 

being gone and coming back, I read your posts and I said “yup, she’s still going!!” 

 

 

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16 hours ago, Tateman said:

Glad to hear you Dad seems to be doing fine. No if only the rest of the world could give you a minute. Hope today is better.

 

Turns out hes doing okay and not. More to come, but basically his balance was recalibrated wrong with the stroke. So what his brain says is center, is actually about 30 degrees off. So not as good as we were hoping.

The world was better and worse yesterday. More to come in update on goals and such.

Thanks for the support, I do need it.

 

 

11 hours ago, Butternut said:

Bean... I gotta be honest, I’d love for you to be a Go Pro on your head so I can see how you do all the things you talk about in a 24 hour period..

I love this idea, but I think I work with too much gross stuff and people would be very bored with the film. I do what I can, but especially the last few days have been rough.

 

11 hours ago, Butternut said:

being gone and coming back, I read your posts and I said “yup, she’s still going!!” 

 

This actually means so much, since in may ways, I feel like I let a ton of things slide since when you were here last. I don't feel like I have it as together overall.  But hopefully one day, but not until we get this stuff with my dad figured out.

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The challenge only stuff.

Yesterday was probably the first day I really did a "There is a challenge" moment this round. I got 2 out of 7 boxes, and most of that was me being gracious and just going 'So I did these as life and gave myself points." There was no "hey my boxes" moment after I got home from the hospital and did all the stuff. It was a total of 12 pts and really, that is probably me being too nice with myself. No exercise, no stretching, and a ton of sitting in a chair and waiting to talk to drs.

 

The life stuff:

Woke up to a flat flat tire on Hubbys car, so he couldn't go to work and some family drama on my dads phone (hes not allowed it back since he will either work on it or deal with said family drama, 2 things he doesn't need). Needless to say, found out both of these within about 30 minutes of being up. Did not set the day up well.

 

Got to the hospital and everything looked and seemed good, until they went to have my dad walk, and it wasn't pretty. The short version is they think the part of his brain that was damaged is the part that controls his balance. He still has balance which is good, but its more he thinks he is sitting up straight or standing up straight, when really he is about 30 degrees to his left. The good news is, this can be relearned. Lots of info from drs and I am glad I took my homework, I started taking notes.

 

In the hospital, I got an email that apparently one of my classes only has 2 weeks left, but the schedule for the class says 3. So now I need to work extra hard at the whole school thing to get ALL this done with everything else by the 12th.


I also go the fun job of telling my grandmother last night. We didn't want to worry her until we knew what is up. That went about as you can imagine, but her house is aware and my Aunt is going to be my contact since I can text updates now.

By the time all this was done, I was done. I ate dinner and then just noped. I also couldn't sleep so I just laid there thinking about the things I should do and all the things I haven't done so I am worn down now.

Oh and got notice one of the In-law families (one of the ones of the ones bugging for a list) apparently told hubby they are going off list for all of us because apparently I didn't text back fast enough (I was in the hospital and no one beside immediate family knows yet so I can cut them some slack). so all that work on lists is not being used by 2 different groups. Especially since they "think they know us" but don't understand nerd and honestly think we are all preppy and that I need girly stuff. (which means I will either have to figure out how to return it, or deal with it). This is more frustrating when there is stuff on there we really really need.

 

This is me tired and worn down, but I have work and kids to watch and the hospital to deal with today. Hopefully I can find a bit more normal.

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Email your profs. I say this as someone who got stupid sick at the end of a semester and who had to deal with a sick parent later. At the very least, email the one with 2 weeks left in the class. If there's a Dean of Students, email them too. Tell them your dad just had a stroke and you're his (or one of) primary caretaker and have to focus a lot of attention on him right now, and ask if there are any arrangements that can be made with regard to your final assignments. When I spent the entire week before Thanksgiving in the hospital, my profs all gave me Incompletes, meaning all of my work was due at a later date. If you can swing it with your Christmas break schedule to get all the work done before the new semester starts, I'd ask for that. (Check your school's policies first though. At mine, the I on the transcript was overwritten by the later grade I got once they graded my last assignments and no one knows any differently now. I think I've heard that some schools play games with what happens.) This is not weakness or asking for special treatment. The Dean of Students exists for things like this, and most professors aren't heartless robots. They'll likely find a way to work with you, but you just have to ask.

 

(For the record, if you're going to say "no, *I* don't get to get extensions because I have to complete it all on time," I get you. I literally brought homework with me to the ER with a 103+ fever and a heart rate of like 130, because I had a paper due that week. My roommate took all my school stuff home when she came to visit me and emailed the Dean on my behalf because I was like "no, it's fine, I can get the paper done! There's wifi in the hospital, just bring my laptop tomorrow." But having the extra time then, and having given all my profs a heads up about my mother and knowing they'd work with me if shit hit the fan, it made such a difference. Just having that extra breathing room and knowing that I could work on my papers but didn't have to while I was half conscious made everything a lot easier.)

 

I'm sorry the rest of your life is also a clusterfuck while this is happening. Do the challenge things that will help you feel better and/or normal (eg stretching a bit after sitting in the hospital chair for a while) and focus on resting and recharging so you don't burn out. <3

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14 hours ago, fleaball said:

Email your profs. I say this as someone who got stupid sick at the end of a semester and who had to deal with a sick parent later. At the very least, email the one with 2 weeks left in the class. If there's a Dean of Students, email them too. Tell them your dad just had a stroke and you're his (or one of) primary caretaker and have to focus a lot of attention on him right now, and ask if there are any arrangements that can be made with regard to your final assignments. When I spent the entire week before Thanksgiving in the hospital, my profs all gave me Incompletes, meaning all of my work was due at a later date. If you can swing it with your Christmas break schedule to get all the work done before the new semester starts, I'd ask for that. (Check your school's policies first though. At mine, the I on the transcript was overwritten by the later grade I got once they graded my last assignments and no one knows any differently now. I think I've heard that some schools play games with what happens.) This is not weakness or asking for special treatment. The Dean of Students exists for things like this, and most professors aren't heartless robots. They'll likely find a way to work with you, but you just have to ask.

 

Okay, I didn't look at any internet since yesterday morning, but I must have heard you. I actually emailed my nicer professor first yesterday since he was the one saying "we have 2 weeks left and we need to fit in 3 weeks of work". I was very clear my current plan is that I plan to complete all my homework on time, but I wanted to make them aware now in case my later "so this happened and I won't be done" doesn't sound like an excuse.  He was SO SO nice and told me to care for my dad first. He would make whatever arrangement are necessary. The other guy (given the same email with a couple of tweaks) was less encouraging with a "thank you for telling me, my best wishes for your father."  I didn't think of the dean of students. I wouldn't even know who that is.

 

14 hours ago, fleaball said:

(For the record, if you're going to say "no, *I* don't get to get extensions because I have to complete it all on time," I get you. I literally brought homework with me to the ER with a 103+ fever and a heart rate of like 130, because I had a paper due that week. My roommate took all my school stuff home when she came to visit me and emailed the Dean on my behalf because I was like "no, it's fine, I can get the paper done! There's wifi in the hospital, just bring my laptop tomorrow." But having the extra time then, and having given all my profs a heads up about my mother and knowing they'd work with me if shit hit the fan, it made such a difference. Just having that extra breathing room and knowing that I could work on my papers but didn't have to while I was half conscious made everything a lot easier.)

 

This was the argument I had with myself. Working where I do,  I know instructors make these kinds of accommodations all the time.  But this is me and I was at work yesterday, and my bosses boss is so sweet and next thing I knew, I was crying (first that had happened) and she kept saying I should take all this week and next off and I was going to burn out and I told her yes but I have to keep all the balls in the air. I need the normalcy of it. That being said, I am going to try working today, but if I am as... scattered as I was yesterday, I don't know how much that will work, Plus there is  a chance my dad is getting moved today, and if so, my mom and I am moving him (aka, one place loads in car, we drive, new place unloads), so that will be a thing as well.  Having the network teacher be so understanding helps, and I could get it all done if I had to over break. Might make things more crazy, but we will get there. Right now, I am existing about 3 hours in advance (which is not a place I like to be).

 

14 hours ago, fleaball said:

I'm sorry the rest of your life is also a clusterfuck while this is happening. Do the challenge things that will help you feel better and/or normal (eg stretching a bit after sitting in the hospital chair for a while) and focus on resting and recharging so you don't burn out. <3

So yea, Had I read this last night, I probably would have. To be honest, I came home and had to deal with my dad's HR department, and by the time I got all of that done, I hit a wall and fell asleep at my desk since it was like 9 pm and I hadn't eaten and Hubby was calling his mom to tell her (we had been given the okay, and she is leaving in a day or 2 out of state, so we wanted to catch her before).  Hubby woke me up, fed me and I went to bed. I don't feel I did anything, but I am so tired...

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Challenge update

So I didn't do much challenge wise, all the boxes I got are very much "This is just stuff I did, not meaning it as challenge stuff." Which got me 3 boxes out of the 7. I don't like that is all I got, but yesterday was up and watch kids, work, parents house, hospital, home watch kids, Call HR for dad and Internship people for me, Youngest to activity, leave her there for Hubby, back to hospital, then home, more HR stuff and Talk to Sister S (sort of, I was half asleep texting) and then bed.

Part of me is all "Dude, you need to be using time better" and then some weird part is saying "Aren't you doing enough?" apparently not since I called the internship lady and set up an appointment for the 7th, where I am going to rewrite a new resume and send it to her with the info she gave me then we will talk about it and how to get me into something that will count. I need to call the other department and get that sorted out as well.

And for those at home going "BEAN, why are you bringing this back up?" its because everything I read before this said it can take 1 year to 6 months in advance to get an internship, and I REALLY need one next summer, or WILL delay me getting the hell out of school, and that will free up so much time and money. so as much as it sucks to take one ONE MORE thing right now, I am trying to not screw myself.

 

Life stuff:
So my dad is out of ICU officially. He is doing well, but we are hoping to move him to a intense rehab place. Problem is, we have NO IDEA when that will be, or if its even in this town, or another. (Hope its this one, another town will be so much harder on about 10 fronts of stuff I need to do). He is very much still my dad (He made me bring him his work stuff so he could turn in timesheets and things). Oh, and there was a moment where Youngest was asking about her grandpa, and her friend was here. The friend had questions, so I answered them (Explain it was a stroke, and strokes cause damage in the brain) and she was so helpful with "My grandpa died from a stroke, and my uncle has brain damage and thinks hes 13 when hes older than my mom" So that went well. I had to warn her parents in case she had questions, and calm down Youngest when I said NEITHER of these is true with her grandpa.

Honestly, yesterday was the first day I really kinda went "I need help" but there was none. I needed it at work (which was a mess and I was too scattered to do anything about it), it happened at home with Agents, and in the hospital when I had to leave to get Agents and I didn't want to.

I know I have worn myself down way too much. No help is coming. But I have to keep trying. I don't know what else to do. But this statement alone makes me start crying and I can't I need to get us moving.

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2 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

I know I have worn myself down way too much. No help is coming. But I have to keep trying. I don't know what else to do. But this statement alone makes me start crying and I can't I need to get us moving.

Wow Bean. I disappear for a long holiday and come back to find shambles. I'm so sorry. 

 

Flea has been giving you GREAT advice, and you're listening, so keep it up.

 

With regards to the help you need that you aren't getting. Just like with school, don't forget to just ask for help. Your boss gave you the chance to take time off, this might be the time to take it. You need to focus on your family, your dad and the agents. The rest will happen. If you need help with meals. We can set up a meal delivery for you. Tell your chosen family you need help, I am sure they would help. Even if it has to be from a distance like it is with us. Tell the parents of the kids you watch what's going on, and have them help you with the agents. You have options.

 

Emotionally you'll put up the wall and your auto pilot will kick in and you'll get moving and do what needs to be done, but don't convince yourself you need to do more. And don't keep the wall up the whole time. It's okay to feel, you need to feel, don't bottle it all up, find the healthy ways to let it out... You might even find yourself on one of your walks, or on the tread mill, getting the stress and emotions out... and making yourself feel better and healthy, all at once.

 

Take care of you so you can take care of your loved ones.

 

Hugs.

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7 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

Okay, I didn't look at any internet since yesterday morning, but I must have heard you. I actually emailed my nicer professor first yesterday since he was the one saying "we have 2 weeks left and we need to fit in 3 weeks of work". I was very clear my current plan is that I plan to complete all my homework on time, but I wanted to make them aware now in case my later "so this happened and I won't be done" doesn't sound like an excuse.  He was SO SO nice and told me to care for my dad first. He would make whatever arrangement are necessary. The other guy (given the same email with a couple of tweaks) was less encouraging with a "thank you for telling me, my best wishes for your father."  I didn't think of the dean of students. I wouldn't even know who that is.

High five! If you want to PM me and tell me what school you go to, I can look it up for you. If you're cool with the arrangements you've got now that's fine too. I'm jumping ahead to the next quote, but it might be worth emailing your network prof back and straight up ask for an extension on his stuff even though you intend to get it all done on time anyway. That way you can focus on the other class since that guy was unhelpful (might still be willing to work with you and just waiting for you to ask, but could have handled it better in that case), then get the network stuff done if you have time/energy or work on it over break. Repeating to ward off the brain trolls: getting the extension doesn't mean you have to take the extra time, just that it's there if you need it so there's a little bit less pressure. 

 

7 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

This was the argument I had with myself. Working where I do,  I know instructors make these kinds of accommodations all the time.  But this is me and I was at work yesterday, and my bosses boss is so sweet and next thing I knew, I was crying (first that had happened) and she kept saying I should take all this week and next off and I was going to burn out and I told her yes but I have to keep all the balls in the air. I need the normalcy of it. That being said, I am going to try working today, but if I am as... scattered as I was yesterday, I don't know how much that will work, Plus there is  a chance my dad is getting moved today, and if so, my mom and I am moving him (aka, one place loads in car, we drive, new place unloads), so that will be a thing as well.  Having the network teacher be so understanding helps, and I could get it all done if I had to over break. Might make things more crazy, but we will get there. Right now, I am existing about 3 hours in advance (which is not a place I like to be).

Oof. I totally sympathize with needing the normalcy of everything but I'm glad you're considering taking some time off (or at least that's what it sounds like). Even if it's just a day or two (maybe take Monday off?) just to give you a chance to reset and regroup. Catch up on some sleep, catch up on some house things if it will help reduce the stress - I don't mean deep cleaning your entire house, but if cleaning off your surfaces and getting some laundry done or something will help declutter your brain a bit too, go for it. A little bit of downtime can help with stave off the burnout.

 

7 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

So yea, Had I read this last night, I probably would have. To be honest, I came home and had to deal with my dad's HR department, and by the time I got all of that done, I hit a wall and fell asleep at my desk since it was like 9 pm and I hadn't eaten and Hubby was calling his mom to tell her (we had been given the okay, and she is leaving in a day or 2 out of state, so we wanted to catch her before).  Hubby woke me up, fed me and I went to bed. I don't feel I did anything, but I am so tired...

Three cheers for Hubby. You're doing a ton of shit. And even if you weren't, this situation is exhausting on its own - your brain goes a mile a minute with the what ifs and wondering what the next steps are and worrying about all the different things that could happen. Not the same situation, but while I was in DC when my mother was sick, I was constantly waiting for my phone to ring with bad news, thinking about what I'd need to pack and how I'd get to the airport and what I'd do about school and my internship and everything else. You're probably a ball of stress right now even when you're sitting still, and that takes a lot out of you. Don't beat yourself up about being tired. It's normal and a reminder that you're human.

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4 hours ago, J3NN said:

With regards to the help you need that you aren't getting. Just like with school, don't forget to just ask for help. Your boss gave you the chance to take time off, this might be the time to take it. You need to focus on your family, your dad and the agents. The rest will happen. If you need help with meals. We can set up a meal delivery for you. Tell your chosen family you need help, I am sure they would help. Even if it has to be from a distance like it is with us. Tell the parents of the kids you watch what's going on, and have them help you with the agents. You have options.

This!! At the very least, tell the parents of the extra kids you're having a family emergency and can't take their kids right now. Let us know what we can do. I'm totally down to help with food or resume tweaking or whatever can be done from a million miles away. <3

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Continuing to spam your thread because I keep forgetting things, sorry. 

 

First: is it possible to have a sit-down with the Agents and ask them to give up an activity each during the week and/or to take on a chore like decluttering a surface and make sure that things that have homes go back to those homes every night? Explain that grandpa's going to be more or less okay but is going to need a lot of help for a while and this is a way they can contribute? I'm not saying to deprive them of all the things they're doing and put everything on their shoulders, but iirc they should be old enough to understand that compromises have to be made sometimes. (I know Eldest is in high school, not sure about Youngest?)

 

11 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

And for those at home going "BEAN, why are you bringing this back up?" its because everything I read before this said it can take 1 year to 6 months in advance to get an internship, and I REALLY need one next summer, or WILL delay me getting the hell out of school, and that will free up so much time and money. so as much as it sucks to take one ONE MORE thing right now, I am trying to not screw myself.

I think you're being more critical of yourself than we are here. Life goes on, we get that. :) But definitely let us know if you want to throw your resume in a google doc or something.

 

11 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

Honestly, yesterday was the first day I really kinda went "I need help" but there was none. I needed it at work (which was a mess and I was too scattered to do anything about it), it happened at home with Agents, and in the hospital when I had to leave to get Agents and I didn't want to.

I know I have worn myself down way too much. No help is coming. But I have to keep trying. I don't know what else to do. But this statement alone makes me start crying and I can't I need to get us moving.

I'm so sorry. <3 I know what the answer will probably be here, but can you ask other parents to pitch in with the Agents? Maybe they never offer on their own because they're dumb but would totally help you out if you ask? 

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Popping in real fast. replies come later

 

Challenge wise, my best day was Thurs where I got 6/7 boxes done. Otherwise, I am in the 2-3 boxes a day thing. I am trying to be patient with me because well, its been a week, but I also feel like I am falling into a "I have an excuse, I don't need to do the challenge."

My dad is in the rehab place for now. It is the one in town which is the good news. The bad news is that insurance only authorized a week. We may be able to get them to extend it, but we won't know till Tuesday before we can even pursue that.

Right now, I am so tired, I am worn down and tired of an extra dog. Oh, and my brother came home for a total of 2 hours. 1 hour per parent. He didn't help with anything and left. I should of expected as much. Instead, I have a list of things to do a mile long. and no, he didn't even text me to tell me he was here, or anything. So whatever.

Things will move forward here, without his help. I will figure it all out, but right now I really wish I could ask someone to do SOMETHING.

Okay, off to help make food so we can nuke and eat all week.

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And then my Youngest Agent is the sweetest kid ever. Not only did she email me saying she needs my christmas list ASAP, when I told her I wasn't expecting anything for Christmas based on the world currently she said "HOW could we forget you? THERE WILL be a Christmas for Mommy."

Even if it doesn't happen, shes 11 and she was so upset that I thought I would be totally forgotten by so many family members.

I emailed her a Christmas list.

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Good to hear Dad will be local. a week seems like a very short time though. Hopefully, that is all that is needed, or you can get extended if needed.

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On 11/29/2018 at 9:55 AM, J3NN said:

Wow Bean. I disappear for a long holiday and come back to find shambles. I'm so sorry. 

 

*hugs* did you at least have a good long holiday? I promise I will get over to check you stuff out, but I am playing a bit of catch up.

 

On 11/29/2018 at 9:55 AM, J3NN said:

Flea has been giving you GREAT advice, and you're listening, so keep it up.

 

I am trying to, lets start there.

 

On 11/29/2018 at 9:55 AM, J3NN said:

With regards to the help you need that you aren't getting. Just like with school, don't forget to just ask for help. Your boss gave you the chance to take time off, this might be the time to take it. You need to focus on your family, your dad and the agents. The rest will happen. If you need help with meals. We can set up a meal delivery for you. Tell your chosen family you need help, I am sure they would help. Even if it has to be from a distance like it is with us. Tell the parents of the kids you watch what's going on, and have them help you with the agents. You have options.

 

The problem is, my mom and I are trying to work now while we can while Dad is somewhere else. This way, it won't be as bad if we take off later. Besides, its a piece of normal for me and for her. And honestly, thank you (adn everyone here) for offering to help. I will be honest, Sunday was hard, mostly since my brother finally came home, but was really only around our parents for about 2 hours and never talked to me, but it had everyone on edge because he brought his toddlers as well and they tend to not be very well behaved. I still don't know what if anything he did to help, since he didn't even tell me he was coming to town.

 

On 11/29/2018 at 9:55 AM, J3NN said:

Emotionally you'll put up the wall and your auto pilot will kick in and you'll get moving and do what needs to be done, but don't convince yourself you need to do more. And don't keep the wall up the whole time. It's okay to feel, you need to feel, don't bottle it all up, find the healthy ways to let it out... You might even find yourself on one of your walks, or on the tread mill, getting the stress and emotions out... and making yourself feel better and healthy, all at once.

 

I am trying to handle this emotionally, but by the time the stuff is done, my brain can't process one more thing. There has been so much "sit on couch and stare at a TV its kinda sad. Still trying to do homework when I can, I need to get the resume stuff done since it could take 6 mo or more to get a internship. Although, not going to lie, I couldn't watch the end of Age of Ultron last night with War Machine trying to relearn to walk or the first part of Dead Pool with the whole "cancer" portion of the plot.

 

On 11/29/2018 at 9:55 AM, J3NN said:

Take care of you so you can take care of your loved ones.

 

Hugs.

I am trying. *hugs*

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On 11/29/2018 at 2:45 PM, fleaball said:

High five! If you want to PM me and tell me what school you go to, I can look it up for you. If you're cool with the arrangements you've got now that's fine too. I'm jumping ahead to the next quote, but it might be worth emailing your network prof back and straight up ask for an extension on his stuff even though you intend to get it all done on time anyway. That way you can focus on the other class since that guy was unhelpful (might still be willing to work with you and just waiting for you to ask, but could have handled it better in that case), then get the network stuff done if you have time/energy or work on it over break. Repeating to ward off the brain trolls: getting the extension doesn't mean you have to take the extra time, just that it's there if you need it so there's a little bit less pressure. 

 

I so forgot to talk to the Dean of students. I haven't emailed yet for the extension, but I did tell myself after I turned in my last homework on Sat, that I am going to put that class (which is easier) on the back burner to deal with the 10% of my grade project class and get that done.  But sometimes I come and sit down to work on stuff and I literally go "are those words?"  I also want to make sure I do have some downtime over the winter break since I won't get another real "break" until next december.

 

 

On 11/29/2018 at 2:45 PM, fleaball said:

Oof. I totally sympathize with needing the normalcy of everything but I'm glad you're considering taking some time off (or at least that's what it sounds like). Even if it's just a day or two (maybe take Monday off?) just to give you a chance to reset and regroup. Catch up on some sleep, catch up on some house things if it will help reduce the stress - I don't mean deep cleaning your entire house, but if cleaning off your surfaces and getting some laundry done or something will help declutter your brain a bit too, go for it. A little bit of downtime can help with stave off the burnout.

 

So I forgot I need to get work today for a special project I promised to do a month ago. I still have to go to the rehab place after I have Agents home, but its a step. Hubby helped this weekend to get things a bit caught up, and we made a better plan for dinner, so hopefully that will help. But right now, I wish I knew what was happening from day to day.

 

On 11/29/2018 at 2:45 PM, fleaball said:

Three cheers for Hubby. You're doing a ton of shit. And even if you weren't, this situation is exhausting on its own - your brain goes a mile a minute with the what ifs and wondering what the next steps are and worrying about all the different things that could happen. Not the same situation, but while I was in DC when my mother was sick, I was constantly waiting for my phone to ring with bad news, thinking about what I'd need to pack and how I'd get to the airport and what I'd do about school and my internship and everything else. You're probably a ball of stress right now even when you're sitting still, and that takes a lot out of you. Don't beat yourself up about being tired. It's normal and a reminder that you're human.

 

and yep, this is me. My phone went off about 930 last night and it was a girlfriend of mine who works nights checking on me. I kinda had a "eep" moment and then settled back down. But more often than not, I have noticed from muscle aches and the tired feeling I may be carrying so much stress my muscles actually hurt.

 

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On 11/29/2018 at 6:00 PM, fleaball said:

Continuing to spam your thread because I keep forgetting things, sorry. 

 

First: is it possible to have a sit-down with the Agents and ask them to give up an activity each during the week and/or to take on a chore like decluttering a surface and make sure that things that have homes go back to those homes every night? Explain that grandpa's going to be more or less okay but is going to need a lot of help for a while and this is a way they can contribute? I'm not saying to deprive them of all the things they're doing and put everything on their shoulders, but iirc they should be old enough to understand that compromises have to be made sometimes. (I know Eldest is in high school, not sure about Youngest?)

 

Right now, they started helping out a bit more. I don't want to mess with their schedules because well Eldest and his routines are important (That whole Autism thing) and Youngest's stuff isn't a huge time suck. However, Eldest Agent has been randomly folding laundry, or trying to put things away. Which is huge in his own right since dealing with emotions isn't his thing but this is also understanding my emotions. Youngest has been a ball of nerves about all of this as well. She was doing the "what ifs" and it was weighing her down quite a bit. I am hoping now that she has seen her grandpa and knows he is okay, she will do better.

 

On 11/29/2018 at 6:00 PM, fleaball said:

I think you're being more critical of yourself than we are here. Life goes on, we get that. :) But definitely let us know if you want to throw your resume in a google doc or something.

 

Will do.

 

On 11/29/2018 at 6:00 PM, fleaball said:

I'm so sorry. <3 I know what the answer will probably be here, but can you ask other parents to pitch in with the Agents? Maybe they never offer on their own because they're dumb but would totally help you out if you ask? 

 

Actually, one of Youngest's friends moms took her to see their 3rd friend in a ballet for me. Shes been great since she will help pick up from school, she has kept Youngest Agent if I am tied up here or there. But so far, again we are trying to do the "so figure this out ourselves" which is harder, but I have been leaning so much more on Hubby. Which is hard on its own since the kids were always "my job" since he worked and I was a more or less stay at home.

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On 11/30/2018 at 12:16 PM, Tateman said:

Wish I could do more to help Bean. :( Just throwing out internet hugs, and good vibes your way. 

 

Thanks, I know people wish they could help, half the time I am making it up as I go, so I don't even know how people can help.

 

On 12/1/2018 at 1:45 PM, fleaball said:

Sending more hugs and hoping everything is okay. <3

 

Things were okay, just busy. I need about 30 more hours a day right now.

 

9 hours ago, Tateman said:

Good to hear Dad will be local. a week seems like a very short time though. Hopefully, that is all that is needed, or you can get extended if needed.

 

It is good he is local since I have been there at least once every day. The week does seem short, but its a start. The bigger headache is I can't find anyone to fill out paperwork so he can be off work. Ugh. The case manager seemed to think we could probably get more time if we need it, but until they have a good idea where he is, they were okay starting with the week.

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So weekend kinda went like this.

Friday drop kids off, have extra kid show up at door before school needing a ride (missed the bus), then to see my dad then appt at new eye dr. A million bright lights later (and yes that was fun migraine). turns out I have a small "thing' on the back of my eye caused by too much either sunlight or computer time or both. SO I had to buy really fancy lenses and pay for those. Honestly as the lady kept saying "we recommend this option and this option" I felt more like I was buying a car. Then I had to tell MORE family members and get that done. Oh and my brother told my dad he is coming to visit Sun (Not me, not my mom, just my dad). With all this, I got 3 boxes done.

 

Sat we went over and prepped my mom's house for my dad to come home. We got it set up about 75% until we know for sure what he needs. We finished the minimal Christmas decorations so my dad won't feel like he ruined Christmas, and put all the "christmas containers" away so there was room in the garage for him to get in and out of the car. Also talked my mom down about my brother coming and that it would be okay. Then it was off to see my dad, then run our weekly errands then collapsed. I did get some homework turned in but I only got 2 boxes.

 

Sunday the Agents got to see my dad. Originally, I wasn't going to take them with my brother coming, but Youngest Agent was really really worried and needed to see him. They had a good visit, we got to the store and then I came home to attempt homework. Problem is, I got mad at the lack of help from my brother, the lack of consideration that he didn't even say "we are looking ot be up at this time" or the fact he didn't think it mattered he disappeared for an hour and a half between visiting one parent then the other. Never mind not even saying "Hey, you okay Bean?" or "Can I help Bean?" Hell, he didn't even tell me he was coming up. 90% of the time, he doesn't even enter my "things to think about" circle, but I kinda melted at his whole behavior.  Anyway, hes gone, and its back to me doing it all, but at least I don't have my parents upset that he is coming up anymore.  however, after all of this, I got some homework looked at, and I did get all my boxes.

 

Goal for this week: get this one big project done and work on getting most of my boxes and find out who needs to fill out the paperwork for the medical leave.

 

And i just realised I never changed the name of my spreadsheet from last challenge to the new one. So basically, I may have overwritten last challenges spread sheet. Awesome..

 

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15 hours ago, Tateman said:

Is the spreadsheet in google drive? you might be able to see old revisions to save the other data. Hope this next week is less stressful 

 

Nope, standard excel spreadsheet. Not the best idea now that I had that happen. I usually do a "Save as" before I start to mess with it. Oh well.

 

In the grand scheme of my world, its a "well, that was dumb" and move on. It probably says something about the fact I just now noticed.

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Challenge info for those reading only for the challenge -  I got all my boxes last night. I came home from the hospital about 845 and I just needed a win. Not going to lie, one of my boxes was "purge one thing" well in my world, (even before this) if I can find one paper I no longer need, it can count. I had something about ordering EXTRA school pictures form I just found, and chucked it. BUT I did something, and that paper is no longer sitting in my pile going "I will just wait".  Total points for the day 21

 

Less challenge stuff - I didn't get to any homework yesterday, but I did email back the internship people (I contacted them before thanksgiving, they got back to me the day my dad had a stroke).  Hopefully they have more leads. I also got some stuff figured out about the FMLA paperwork and my dad paid most of his bills with only  some help from me. I also had a bunch of just random stuff to do for school. But it was another Up at 530- get home at 845 and try and do something here. I was in bed by 1030 but still. Oh and my mom's dog is still here.

 

Not going to lie, I am really starting to drag. I am tired, I am worn down, and every time I think I will get a small break, something else pops up. Doesn't help today is the day we find out if A) Dad needs to be where he is longer, B) Insurance will cover it.  C) how he will take it.

And I am tired of telling people. I am so glad people care, but I am so tired of people (who may of seen me yesterday) going "So, how is your dad?" every day, or texting me every other day, or running into someone who doesn't know and them asking where I was last week, or if I can help with something. I just want a quiet day..

Anyway, time to suck it up, and get going. Nothing is going to wait for me .

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Totally started to have a meltdown at work.

Not over my dad, that I was okay about

 

My idiot teacher who is not going to give me any extra time posted our final study guide. I looked at it, there are 4 chapters of material on there that he never told us we need to cover. The last chapter he told us to learn was Chapter 5 on 10/23. This has chapters 6,7,8,9 to go over, that have been posted about weekly with NO announcement or anything that they were there, and 2 chapters on C programming that I need to learn and be able to take a test on (for 30% of my grade) by 12/15, plus the damn project I need to complete for him.

I lost it, I started to cry because a coworker (who means well, but peoples badly) is like "everything okay, you look tired" Less than 5 minutes after I found out about the class.

 

Trying to download the slides now. Hopefully they aren't hard, but I doubt it. Then off to the hospital to see my dad. Still waiting to hear if he stays there or not

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