• Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

Bean Sidhe

Bean Si Vs Chaos – Just DO SOMETHING

Recommended Posts

On 12/3/2018 at 4:02 AM, Bean Sidhe said:

*hugs* did you at least have a good long holiday? I promise I will get over to check you stuff out, but I am playing a bit of catch up.

You're not missing anything, as I haven't posted a challenge yet. It's been a day/week/month and I'm not coping well I guess.

 

I am so with you on having a meltdown. I don't even know why for me. I mean, I do, but usually I cope better. Glad I can come here and feel some camaraderie... even if it's the worst kind, because I hate that you feel this way too.

giphy.gif

 

Your teacher sucks. 

 

Hope your dad is mending well.

 

Hope you're hanging in there.

giphy.gif

 

 

  • Like 1
  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
15 hours ago, Tateman said:

oh man that really stinks :(

 

It really does. I get that it is on me for not checking that section since midterm, but he had been very good about posting when he put up information. But it is on me. I just couldn't take one more thing.

 

12 hours ago, J3NN said:

You're not missing anything, as I haven't posted a challenge yet. It's been a day/week/month and I'm not coping well I guess.

 

*Hugs* I am sorry its been rough. Hopefully yours gets better quickly

 

12 hours ago, J3NN said:

I am so with you on having a meltdown. I don't even know why for me. I mean, I do, but usually I cope better. Glad I can come here and feel some camaraderie... even if it's the worst kind, because I hate that you feel this way too.

giphy.gif

 

This is exactly it. I don't normally melt and never at work, but I literally sat there and went "Thats it, I give in. I can't do any of this any more" which was partially since instead of dealing with it by myself, I had ONE MORE PERSON asking me to do stuff. BUt the gif about summed up my day yesterday. Hopefully your in a better spot today.

 

12 hours ago, J3NN said:

Your teacher sucks. 

 

I ended up emailing last night asking if I could have some extra time. Now I am sitting here going "I hate myself for asking" and "What if he says no"

 

12 hours ago, J3NN said:

Hope your dad is mending well.

 

Hes doing okay. more info in a bit, but this is going ot be a longer road than we thought.

 

12 hours ago, J3NN said:

Hope you're hanging in there.

giphy.gif

 

 

 

I think the kitten has a better grip on things than I do, but I am trying. I already am doing the what else can we cut, which is rough

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So this was me yesterday

 

tenor.gif

 

Not going to lie, I think yesterday was one of the hardest days yet.

Challenge wise, I did really good. The format of "Do something dumbass" helped and I got all my boxes and 26 points. In many ways, stopping to stretch and sort out some stuff helped so so much. Sadly, this was also my one good thing.

So outside of the challenge, the day was just a complete mess. I can't even find a gif for it.


The biggest points (that don't include dumb stuff like extra kids I wasn't planning on and people assuming I can just make everything happen)

 

I check my school work and idiot professor posted the final study guide. I am more than a bit stressed over this. Whats more is while I am dealing with it "Overly friendly coworker" comes into my area and starts with "I need a favor" And I said of course I would do the thing which is also technically my job but I was a mess and holding it together. He asks "are you okay, you look tired or overwhelmed or something" and I started to cry. This guy is a good guy, but he thinks he is everyone's best friend. When I started to cry he kept saying "what can I do, how can I help" and then I said something about inventory being due the 14th and he raced off to get approval to do my inventory. After I had the 3 minutes to calm down, I went to my boss and explained things. She was cool and told me to take today off for homework, and that coworker can help, but lets not let him go rampant by himself. (again, good guy but my inventory would be all messed up). She also said inventory can wait, but she would like it the 14th. If she has it by when we close the 21st that is fine.  so I melted there.

 

I came home and did what @fleaball suggested and I called the dean of students. I was fine with the first person I talked to, but when she patched me through to the actual dean, I started balling and saying "I hate to ask this, please know I wouldn't do this lightly, but I am starting to not be able to keep up."  And I cried so many tears. The actual dean was super nice and said I needed to officially email requesting his help and to officially ask my instructor for an extension. I did both of those last night, so we will see where things go. He was also a bit amazed I was only asking for an extension and I was of "The I can't quit, I just need a bit more time, but I can do it."

 

Then I went to the hospital. The news there isn't great. They decided on a goal discharge date for my dad of 12/20 and that my parents will need some extra equipment when he comes home. I took all this as being a good sign, I took notes (because me) and I took a picture of the discharge info so I can reference it to make sure we are ready. My parents however didn't take it well. Both are more than a bit defeated and upset. My dad didn't think this was that bad, and my mom doesn't think he really needs some of that equipment and I don't see why I need to get it. Not to mention, both wanted him home sooner. We did talk about the fact they are setting a reasonable goal and he could get out sooner, he just has to work as hard as he can and see if the progress is faster. I saw this as things we need to do to get him home. Some of the simple stuff my mom is even fighting like changing the shower head to one with a hose and a wand. Both are not in great moods and that is harder yet since both were being strong for the other and not saying "So this sucks, but what can we do to move on" 

I came home from all of this so drained. I ended up not crying after I got home. I was too drained. I still need to. I am hoping since I took another day off work I can get some homework and the resume done. But right now, I really just want to drop kids off and then hid and cry. Especially since I took another day off and since I am hourly, I won't be getting paid for it either which is another thing freaking me out.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ooh, Bean, I'm sorry for all the situation.
I hope you will get to cry, and remember that you are strong, and strong people allow themself to cry as well.
I am sending lots of hugs over the power of Internet

Sent from my FIG-LX1 using Tapatalk

  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh man. I hope you got some time to rest and cry. <3 I’m super proud of your for reaching out to the Dean of Students and for letting your coworker help. I know it sucks to admit you’re struggling but it’s a huge step to use the resources you have like that. 

 

As always, sending hugs and positivity. And if you think of anything I can do from the other side of the Internet, please let me know. 

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Updates in a minute but I need to ask: Are we all suppose to have this grand dream that we want to lead a company or develop an AI? I just got off the phone with the career resume lady and she hated my resume since it doesn't have technical knowledge. (uh, that's why I am in school) and I am too self deprecating (Not a surprise either). Before we talk again, I am suppose to "Come up with a plan on what kind of job I want, what I want to do, and what kind of company I want to work for."

Can the answer just be "the one that pays?" I don't think like that. I am not "hey I am 35+ and can save the world" I am much more "Hey, I am 35+ and would like to retire and be able to do things like Christmas or send Agents to college"

 

Doesn't help she is having this discussion when I am how tired, how worn down, and emotionally done. But hopefully the time spent will help. Please let it help.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
22 hours ago, Diadhuit said:

Ooh, Bean, I'm sorry for all the situation.
I hope you will get to cry, and remember that you are strong, and strong people allow themself to cry as well.
I am sending lots of hugs over the power of Internet

 

Thanks. I am doing okay overall, the crying comes in spurts and usually it gets put aside because someone needs something.

The tears will come, probably in the next 11 days (thats how long till all homework needs completed).  But right now, I am just trying not give up.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
16 hours ago, fleaball said:

Oh man. I hope you got some time to rest and cry. <3 I’m super proud of your for reaching out to the Dean of Students and for letting your coworker help. I know it sucks to admit you’re struggling but it’s a huge step to use the resources you have like that. 

 

So I think the Dean of students thing worked. The not friendly teacher came back and said I have till the 18th to do the final and the project. So I got a bit more time. The friendly teacher gave me the same date. I got 11 days, no sleep and some work to do. Time to hit the books

 

2cXfFn.gif

 

16 hours ago, fleaball said:

As always, sending hugs and positivity. And if you think of anything I can do from the other side of the Internet, please let me know. 

 

Hugs, I will let you know, Right now, its deal with whats directly in front of me. Which is go pick up Agents. *hugs* thanks for the support. It does mean the world I got my Nerd people cheering for me

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Bean Sidhe said:

Updates in a minute but I need to ask: Are we all suppose to have this grand dream that we want to lead a company or develop an AI? I just got off the phone with the career resume lady and she hated my resume since it doesn't have technical knowledge. (uh, that's why I am in school) and I am too self deprecating (Not a surprise either). Before we talk again, I am suppose to "Come up with a plan on what kind of job I want, what I want to do, and what kind of company I want to work for."

Can the answer just be "the one that pays?" I don't think like that. I am not "hey I am 35+ and can save the world" I am much more "Hey, I am 35+ and would like to retire and be able to do things like Christmas or send Agents to college"

 

Doesn't help she is having this discussion when I am how tired, how worn down, and emotionally done. But hopefully the time spent will help. Please let it help.

You're supposed to sound like you have that grand dream. Or at least like you have higher goals than being able to pay your bills every week. They know it's largely bullshit, but they want you to have some kind of plan. So disclaimer, I know nothing about CS other than saying "oh so you fix computers?" to a CS major will royally piss them off. You probably don't want to walk in and say you want to work at Google or Apple or Microsoft because that's everyone's dream job and it's nearly impossible. Are there any projects you had for any classes that you found really interesting and/or enjoyed doing? Or hell, anything you thought was easier than the rest? Draw on that and play it up.

 

"I really enjoy coding so I want to build websites for small businesses. I'll get to flex my creative muscles and help them design the best website to fit their needs." 

"I think there's great potential for smart home and automation technology to help people with mobility issues live normal lives. I want to work for a company that will build on that." Or apps that help handle physical/mental disabilities or something. 

"I want to get involved in UX/UI to make websites more accessible to everyone." - eg plain language, color schemes that are easy to read, subtitling all videos, having captions on images for screen readers to interpret. 

 

And then you google like, marketing firms that need website builders or companies that are doing smart home stuff, or who's making strides in UX stuff. For that last example, a college friend of mine who majored in English and minored in fashion merchandising is currently working in UX stuff for Capital One and is speaking at conferences and stuff about best practices and stuff like that. She works more on the writing of words for websites than the designing part, but really all the resume lady wants from you is something like that. 

 

These are all lofty examples that you'd have to personalize and probably scale down, but they're ideas. They don't want you to detail exactly how your app is going to solve the housing crisis in a week, but really what they want is to hear that you've thought about your career and what you're going to do with it. They don't care if you follow through once they hire you. 

 

When I was applying for the scholarship that sent me to Morocco, I wrote about how I'd apply to a specific Arabic Studies grad program and join the State Department when I graduated. Never did. When I applied to the grad program I actually did, I said I was going to apply for the two language scholarships I'd gotten in undergrad and wanted to go to Germany to study how Turkish immigrants were or weren't integrating. I genuinely wanted to but I knew it was a lofty goal that would likely never happen. (Didn't follow through because I got sick during the application period, but I doubted I'd've gotten them even if I applied.) I'm even struggling with this right now - a recruiter for a bank hit me up on LinkedIn and I have an interview on Tuesday. I don't want to work at a bank again, but I definitely want the paycheck they're offering. So I bitched about it in my battle log and Tank came to the rescue with ideas - I'm telling them that I took time off after graduating because my mother died, and now I'm drawing on my banking experience from the past. It's in the commercial real estate department so I'm embellishing it with "at my old branch the business banker for our region came by a lot and I was really interested in what she was talking about. Also my grad degree is useful for business and understanding people so it ties in there as well and will help me as I progress to higher positions in the bank." Mostly bullshit. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

 

2 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

So I think the Dean of students thing worked. The not friendly teacher came back and said I have till the 18th to do the final and the project. So I got a bit more time. The friendly teacher gave me the same date. I got 11 days, no sleep and some work to do. Time to hit the books

Awesome. I'm so glad that worked out for you. 

  • Thanks 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 12/7/2018 at 5:47 PM, fleaball said:

You're supposed to sound like you have that grand dream. Or at least like you have higher goals than being able to pay your bills every week. They know it's largely bullshit, but they want you to have some kind of plan. So disclaimer, I know nothing about CS other than saying "oh so you fix computers?" to a CS major will royally piss them off. You probably don't want to walk in and say you want to work at Google or Apple or Microsoft because that's everyone's dream job and it's nearly impossible. Are there any projects you had for any classes that you found really interesting and/or enjoyed doing? Or hell, anything you thought was easier than the rest? Draw on that and play it up.

 

"I really enjoy coding so I want to build websites for small businesses. I'll get to flex my creative muscles and help them design the best website to fit their needs." 

"I think there's great potential for smart home and automation technology to help people with mobility issues live normal lives. I want to work for a company that will build on that." Or apps that help handle physical/mental disabilities or something. 

"I want to get involved in UX/UI to make websites more accessible to everyone." - eg plain language, color schemes that are easy to read, subtitling all videos, having captions on images for screen readers to interpret. 

 

And then you google like, marketing firms that need website builders or companies that are doing smart home stuff, or who's making strides in UX stuff. For that last example, a college friend of mine who majored in English and minored in fashion merchandising is currently working in UX stuff for Capital One and is speaking at conferences and stuff about best practices and stuff like that. She works more on the writing of words for websites than the designing part, but really all the resume lady wants from you is something like that. 

 

These are all lofty examples that you'd have to personalize and probably scale down, but they're ideas. They don't want you to detail exactly how your app is going to solve the housing crisis in a week, but really what they want is to hear that you've thought about your career and what you're going to do with it. They don't care if you follow through once they hire you. 

 

See the thing here is, I don't have any of these things. And Hubby and I talked, we are the people who go "I just need a job, and will do my damned best at the job, but we never expect to do more than work our 40 hours a week for the next 30 years, then retire." Our goals and dreams are not things that you can make a living at. They are to be home, with my kids and have my nieces and nephews visit with my chosen family. To spend time in the yard and play in my garden (but not force ourselves to have to live off it, because then it is work and not fun). To build our dream house, and maybe one day have grand kids come over then live there until we die. Working pays the bills, nothing more. Oh and make the credit cards go away, but again, dream. I don't come from a family who do professional dreams. Both my parents work/worked the same job for the last 30+ years, never moving around much. I know in today's society, that seems weird, but that is who I am. I will take the first thing that is offered (more than likely) and I will sit there, maybe work my way up if I see something I want, as I get there.  If not, I will be okay where I am.

 

On 12/7/2018 at 5:47 PM, fleaball said:

When I was applying for the scholarship that sent me to Morocco, I wrote about how I'd apply to a specific Arabic Studies grad program and join the State Department when I graduated. Never did. When I applied to the grad program I actually did, I said I was going to apply for the two language scholarships I'd gotten in undergrad and wanted to go to Germany to study how Turkish immigrants were or weren't integrating. I genuinely wanted to but I knew it was a lofty goal that would likely never happen. (Didn't follow through because I got sick during the application period, but I doubted I'd've gotten them even if I applied.) I'm even struggling with this right now - a recruiter for a bank hit me up on LinkedIn and I have an interview on Tuesday. I don't want to work at a bank again, but I definitely want the paycheck they're offering. So I bitched about it in my battle log and Tank came to the rescue with ideas - I'm telling them that I took time off after graduating because my mother died, and now I'm drawing on my banking experience from the past. It's in the commercial real estate department so I'm embellishing it with "at my old branch the business banker for our region came by a lot and I was really interested in what she was talking about. Also my grad degree is useful for business and understanding people so it ties in there as well and will help me as I progress to higher positions in the bank." Mostly bullshit. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

 

No, I have been reading your battle log and understand completely. But the lady I was talking for "A JOB" , she's kinda like a career counselor, so shes suppose to help me get a job. She doesn't have a job she wants, that I can say "Yes, I want to do this and let me BS why" but rather "where do you want a job" A place that pays well (or better than I do now, which is about everywhere, and will have the bonus of not needed to deal with biohazard.). She cut out my resume, education and half my awards and achievements because they made me look "old" (yes, my AS is from 2001, your point?). If I was applying for A position, I could BS and tell them how its my dream, but I thought not having a "dream" made this easier, instead I am "Limiting myself" when all I want to do is pay the bills and put the Agents through college.

 

On 12/7/2018 at 5:47 PM, fleaball said:

Awesome. I'm so glad that worked out for you. 

 

It did help. I got 2 assignments for the easier of the 2 classes done (he gave me the same extension) and I turned those in, he then gave me full credit for the last assignment as well I hadn't turned in yet. I said I was going to do it, I just needed to get the reading done. Needless to say, technically, I am done with an entire class, but that leaves the scarier of the 2 classes to get done. I have my punch list taped to the wall by my desk, now to get it all done. Oh and my Dad started asking about my homework and what I got done and whats still due. I am kinda do the vague "its going" but A) I know hes bored and wants to talk about things and B) finding out my helping take care of him, and doing the Daughter thing got in way of my school will just upset him. He keeps telling me "your school is more important than me."

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Challenge update first:

Since Weds (Is that the last time I updated?):

Weds, Thurs, Friday, Sat and Sunday I got all my boxes with point totals ranging from 21 to 28 points. Most days I was able to spend time with Agents, but the amount of homework I had to pump out killed my steps and sometimes my ability to focus on Agents. I also had 3 stupid sugar days, 2 were options of opportunity, but since I have had 5 in the last 20 days I have been doing this challenge, I think I am okay. I mean I totally stress eat, and this time, I just haven't. Mostly because A) I am not keeping anything in the house I would stress eat, and B) I don't want or care about eating. Maybe its my depression, the stress, or anxiety but I just don't. Its something I need to take in for fuel, but 90% of the time its more "I should eat" instead of "I want to eat."

non-challenge stuff
Things are improving on the Dad front. I need to go to training today to learn how to help him when he gets home. This will be the real moment I see how bad he is. I didn't sleep well because nightmares probably from the stress, and Youngest Agent had nightmares as well. I also ended up calling Sister M's daughter and telling her what was up and that I would LOVE to have made the Christmas dinner, but it wasn't going to happen. She totally understood and we talked about how hospitals were hard after Sister M, and how she wished she was closer to help and Sister M would have been at my house filling my fridge with food and helping with Agents, cancer or not. It helped, but also was sad.  The upside is Its off the calendar, the downside is, its off the calendar.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Just popping in to say you're not alone on the whole career aspirations thing. My main criteria for a job are (a) it pays enough for me to live well; and (b) I enjoy the work. I already have that, so basically I've peaked at 27, and nobody around me can comprehend that I really am satsified for now. I'm sorry I don't have any practical advice, but just wanted to say it's not that unusual if there's at least two of us ;)

 

Also I'm glad you got some breathing room with your courses, and especially that your dad is improving!

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
14 hours ago, Lateral Planet said:

Just popping in to say you're not alone on the whole career aspirations thing. My main criteria for a job are (a) it pays enough for me to live well; and (b) I enjoy the work. I already have that, so basically I've peaked at 27, and nobody around me can comprehend that I really am satsified for now. I'm sorry I don't have any practical advice, but just wanted to say it's not that unusual if there's at least two of us ;)

 

See that's what I think. The problem is, with everything going on, I just have no bullshit to make it sound nice. And at 37, I know I will be not be the hottest candidate  that everyone will be fighting for. I mean, sure, if I was 18 and had done more projects and the "hey work on this competition" thing, then maybe. But I ain't got time for it. And when 90% of the students graduating have these "I can save/change the world" plans, then you need to know how to deal with them. But me, I just want to have something I don't totally hate, I don't have a chance to get covered in nasty stuff, and that pays something that looks more like a real wage.

 

14 hours ago, Lateral Planet said:

Also I'm glad you got some breathing room with your courses, and especially that your dad is improving!

 

Its breathing room and its not. I have one almost done, and the other is coming along. I have 7 days starting now, and I am starting to stress again. I still have a chapter and a half and that huge project is about 40% done. I need some time to get it done. But right now, time is not something I have.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Quick update and back to homework.


First off, I feel so horrid I am not responding or get into anyone else's challenges at the moment. I want to sleep. desperately since I have been up and down with nightmares the last 2 nights and not sleeping well before that. Yesterday was a good challenge day overall.  I got 28 pts and all my boxes. I am so glad I did the boxes this challenge.

 

So my day was up, get kids to school, go to hospital for "family training" on how to help my father move around. He is doing stairs and gets around on a walker with only one person to assist. We still have a very long road.  My mom has some serious denial and when I start saying "We need to start getting these things in place" she nopes out. She is fine with anything that she sees as "temporary", but you tell her we need to put a grab barup and she's done.  Youngest Agent had her first band concert last night, as well. Youngest and her classmates did great. And thank goodness for short concerts in and out in 45 minutes.

 

The homework is coming along. I wish I had more time. But I am getting so tired. 7 days then one way or another, I am done. I just hope I get it all done. I may just make myself do the last homework assignment in the easier of the 2 classes. He gave me full credit already, and even without it, I would keep my A, but I think part of me just wants to be done with something. However, the other class I still have 40% of my grade to worry about. If I turn nothing else in, I have a 56%, and that won't help anything. And as much as I really want to hide here and check on people.. homework calls. Today is another long day, with a visitation for one of Youngest's friends grandparents after the hospital care team meeting for my dad and all that is after work.

 

Anyone got a time turner I can borrow?

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
9 hours ago, Bean Sidhe said:

See that's what I think. The problem is, with everything going on, I just have no bullshit to make it sound nice. And at 37, I know I will be not be the hottest candidate  that everyone will be fighting for. I mean, sure, if I was 18 and had done more projects and the "hey work on this competition" thing, then maybe. But I ain't got time for it. And when 90% of the students graduating have these "I can save/change the world" plans, then you need to know how to deal with them. But me, I just want to have something I don't totally hate, I don't have a chance to get covered in nasty stuff, and that pays something that looks more like a real wage.

I think at my last job interview I said something like, "I want to be a part of something important" which sounds super corny, but it's true and I think it gave them a bit of an ego boost, which didn't hurt ;) But that's about the limit of my bullshitting skills; I hate job interviews and hope to avoid another one for many years to come!

 

Please don't feel bad for not visiting other threads! You've got so many other top priorities going on I don't think any of us would blame you for not being as social here. That said, don't neglect your own challenge; even small wins like getting X number of points or boxes in a day can really make a difference. Plus we like to hear how you're doing :)

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Lateral Planet said:

Please don't feel bad for not visiting other threads! You've got so many other top priorities going on I don't think any of us would blame you for not being as social here. That said, don't neglect your own challenge; even small wins like getting X number of points or boxes in a day can really make a difference. Plus we like to hear how you're doing :)

All of this, Bean! 

 

 

I have so many things I want to say but they might have to wait until tomorrow. I'm running super low on sleep and words are hard. >> Still sending hugs though!

 

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 12/11/2018 at 4:37 AM, Bean Sidhe said:

Anyone got a time turner I can borrow?

This is all I've got...

Im0Xi0q.gif

 

Good luck with it all!

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Haven’t said what I wanted to say yet because I’m still a zombie. So sorry! But I hope everything is less chaotic than it’s been now, or at least not more chaotic. <3

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

As usual I'm late for the game.
I'm at my first experience interviewing people for a programming job.
So what I'm saying might be completely wrong...
From my perspective CV seem all the same after a while, and if someone mentions something about their dreams or objectives it makes it more memorable, hence there is a higher chance we'll call them for an interview.
Then, sometimes, when they are in it is clear that they don't fit the person we want, maybe because what they want is to step on the colleagues' heads to get a promotion, or they have really no interest in what the company does (not I just want a job no interest, I will use this job to do do nothing for the company and write my side project and open a start-up)
Sometimes an older (not that you are!) and mature person, with stability and that won't leave after a year is really appreciated with this high turnover! Way better than a kid just out of school that you have to train on how to behave in an office...
So, use your strengths, show them what are you made of!
Also, what classes where the easiest in college? Is there anything that your current job can bring to a new one?

Sent from my FIG-LX1 using Tapatalk

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 12/10/2018 at 7:43 AM, Bean Sidhe said:

No, I have been reading your battle log and understand completely. But the lady I was talking for "A JOB" , she's kinda like a career counselor, so shes suppose to help me get a job. She doesn't have a job she wants, that I can say "Yes, I want to do this and let me BS why" but rather "where do you want a job" A place that pays well (or better than I do now, which is about everywhere, and will have the bonus of not needed to deal with biohazard.). She cut out my resume, education and half my awards and achievements because they made me look "old" (yes, my AS is from 2001, your point?). If I was applying for A position, I could BS and tell them how its my dream, but I thought not having a "dream" made this easier, instead I am "Limiting myself" when all I want to do is pay the bills and put the Agents through college.

Ohhh ugh that's worse. Because when there's a specific job you can BS why you want it but when it's a general thing it's hard to narrow down. I had the same trouble whenever I went to the career center tbh. And while job hunting recently. I'd love a job that's in my field somewhere and I'd rather not get stuck doing something awful for my entire life, but all I really want is a steady paycheck from a place that won't make me want to jump out the fucking window. 

 

I wonder if part of the problem is that this woman is used to working with 18-22 year olds who do have the big dreams and/or really need to be prodded to consider these things, as opposed to you, an actual adult with an actual life. I understand why she cut the AS - legally employers can't discriminate based on age, but if they see the AS is from 17 years ago it gives them the chance to do some math and maybe decide you're not who they want before they even meet you. It sucks to erase your accomplishments like that, but since you're working on your BS, that's all anyone needs to know. 

On 12/10/2018 at 7:52 AM, Bean Sidhe said:

Challenge update first:

Since Weds (Is that the last time I updated?):

Weds, Thurs, Friday, Sat and Sunday I got all my boxes with point totals ranging from 21 to 28 points. Most days I was able to spend time with Agents, but the amount of homework I had to pump out killed my steps and sometimes my ability to focus on Agents. I also had 3 stupid sugar days, 2 were options of opportunity, but since I have had 5 in the last 20 days I have been doing this challenge, I think I am okay. I mean I totally stress eat, and this time, I just haven't. Mostly because A) I am not keeping anything in the house I would stress eat, and B) I don't want or care about eating. Maybe its my depression, the stress, or anxiety but I just don't. Its something I need to take in for fuel, but 90% of the time its more "I should eat" instead of "I want to eat."

Hooray for getting all the boxes! Definitely keep on top of the "I should eat" even if you don't feel like it. You need the energy if nothing else. <3

 

On 12/10/2018 at 7:52 AM, Bean Sidhe said:

non-challenge stuff
Things are improving on the Dad front. I need to go to training today to learn how to help him when he gets home. This will be the real moment I see how bad he is. I didn't sleep well because nightmares probably from the stress, and Youngest Agent had nightmares as well. I also ended up calling Sister M's daughter and telling her what was up and that I would LOVE to have made the Christmas dinner, but it wasn't going to happen. She totally understood and we talked about how hospitals were hard after Sister M, and how she wished she was closer to help and Sister M would have been at my house filling my fridge with food and helping with Agents, cancer or not. It helped, but also was sad.  The upside is Its off the calendar, the downside is, its off the calendar.

You can always have a Christmas later! It's good that you both recognize that you need the time and space for other things right now, but I vote for a random Christmas dinner in the middle of like, March or something.

 

On 12/11/2018 at 7:37 AM, Bean Sidhe said:

Quick update and back to homework.


First off, I feel so horrid I am not responding or get into anyone else's challenges at the moment. I want to sleep. desperately since I have been up and down with nightmares the last 2 nights and not sleeping well before that. Yesterday was a good challenge day overall.  I got 28 pts and all my boxes. I am so glad I did the boxes this challenge.

 

So my day was up, get kids to school, go to hospital for "family training" on how to help my father move around. He is doing stairs and gets around on a walker with only one person to assist. We still have a very long road.  My mom has some serious denial and when I start saying "We need to start getting these things in place" she nopes out. She is fine with anything that she sees as "temporary", but you tell her we need to put a grab barup and she's done.  Youngest Agent had her first band concert last night, as well. Youngest and her classmates did great. And thank goodness for short concerts in and out in 45 minutes.

 

The homework is coming along. I wish I had more time. But I am getting so tired. 7 days then one way or another, I am done. I just hope I get it all done. I may just make myself do the last homework assignment in the easier of the 2 classes. He gave me full credit already, and even without it, I would keep my A, but I think part of me just wants to be done with something. However, the other class I still have 40% of my grade to worry about. If I turn nothing else in, I have a 56%, and that won't help anything. And as much as I really want to hide here and check on people.. homework calls. Today is another long day, with a visitation for one of Youngest's friends grandparents after the hospital care team meeting for my dad and all that is after work.

 

Anyone got a time turner I can borrow?

Glad your dad's doing as well as he is. I sympathize with the mom nopeing out bit. :( You've probably had these discussions a million times, but what about framing the permanent things as still temporary? "Dad needs this for now but we can take it down in the future" ?

 

I hope the homework is coming along okay. As always, let me know if there's anything I can do! <3 And don't feel bad about not catching up with people. I know it sucks when you feel out of the loop and just want to catch up for your own sake, but we all understand you've got a ton of shit going on. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So thank you all for the replies. I will try to get to them in a bit.

 

a couple of updates.


Challenge wise, I did really really well until Friday. Friday I spent a LARGE portion of the day getting my code fixed for my homework assignment. I mean I did pretty much nothing besides fixing the code, but I got it working and turned in. thank goodness for that extension because it was 3 days late. Also Friday I was working on the reading of the 4 chapters I didn't know about for the final. But I managed to get all that done by Saturday and I took the final.  Do I think I did well on the final... not really. there were questions on it that were NEVER gone over. And I know I got a least one wrong. I am hoping I get at least a B in the course, but with 40% of my grade in these last 2 assignments (and needing 33.5 /40 to keep an A) , I am nervous but mostly I just am glad its done.  needless to say, I didn't do much challenge wise Saturday as well.

 

In other stuff, I did finally get some Christmas shopping done (thank you online) so I don't feel AS behind on shopping as I did. I still have a few things to get, and no idea on a couple of them, but its a start.

Dad is doing so much better. They are starting to talk to us about what he needs when he comes home. I am all about "lets go get it done" but I don't have that control at the moment. Mostly I am being told to "Wait till he gets home, then we will decide what he needs" Part of me would rather put up the bars they identified now, and take them down if we don't need them,but not my call. I am just trying to keep this all together.

So today I restart my challenge stuff. I was doing so well, but that last push and then turning things in, I melted a bit and didn't have the energy. Time to focus on what I can till that is done.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 12/11/2018 at 3:54 PM, Lateral Planet said:

I think at my last job interview I said something like, "I want to be a part of something important" which sounds super corny, but it's true and I think it gave them a bit of an ego boost, which didn't hurt ;) But that's about the limit of my bullshitting skills; I hate job interviews and hope to avoid another one for many years to come!

I guess maybe part of this is the place I am in right now. Generally I can bullshit with the best of them, but I am just not there right now. Honestly, I filled out an App for another internship and it gave a place for a cover letter (what are these?) and asked the reason I was seeking a change in employment. Yeah, I doubt I get anything from those.

 

On 12/11/2018 at 3:54 PM, Lateral Planet said:

Please don't feel bad for not visiting other threads! You've got so many other top priorities going on I don't think any of us would blame you for not being as social here. That said, don't neglect your own challenge; even small wins like getting X number of points or boxes in a day can really make a difference. Plus we like to hear how you're doing :)

Thanks for understanding. I am trying, but I fully admit the last few days were a push at homework. Now that is done, I am hoping to be like "Hey, lets straighten out my life a bit and check on people.

I will say,  knowing I hit the whole "I got all my boxes" was a huge help some days. It was good to feel like I still had "control"/could do something that was going to actually help things. But I do miss hearing about all of you. Going to try playing catch up over the next few days.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 12/11/2018 at 6:29 PM, fleaball said:

All of this, Bean! 

 

 

I have so many things I want to say but they might have to wait until tomorrow. I'm running super low on sleep and words are hard. >> Still sending hugs though!

 

Hugs.

I hope you got some sleep. I am glad to hear the interviews went well. I have managed to at least read (while not logged in) your battle log.

Hopefully words will be less hard now.

 

On 12/12/2018 at 9:37 AM, J3NN said:

This is all I've got...

Im0Xi0q.gif

 

Good luck with it all!

 

Thanks J3NN. Maybe it helped. there were a few days I kinda did a "How did I do that?" moment.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 12/14/2018 at 1:36 AM, fleaball said:

Haven’t said what I wanted to say yet because I’m still a zombie. So sorry! But I hope everything is less chaotic than it’s been now, or at least not more chaotic. <3

 

Its okay. Life has been weird. Things are a bit better now since the school stuff is done. I gave Hubby one of my 2 classes books and said "Sell this back. I am over it. I never want to create Operating Systems again"

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now