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LovelyBouncer

Bouncer Battles the Dark Thunderclouds

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                Will be a challenge in 2 parts!

                Due to me finishing a semester and then Winter break….

                I’m going to do this challenge in two parts J

First part 2-3 weeks of challenge, as I just found out finals is in over 2 weeks… Hides and screams.

Second challenge I will make up after I can put all three of my classes aside.

 

Then the 2nd half will be me recovering from the aftermath, taking a break and getting ready for next semester.

 

Recent background:

This last semester has been a rough last month… For some reason getting homework done has become nearly impossible, luckily I have very forgivable professors that know I care. However, I felt stuck.

I came back and tried a respawn, and still feel stuck. Depression was hard to fight off with.

With my depression I ended up staying in bed to rest for a few day. When I was finally working on getting back on track, I got hit full force with a bad cold that I’m still dealing with (I’m coughing up stuff icky colored stuff).

So here I am at NF hiding with the druids… To survive this semester. For me that means Spirituality is to help me get through this. My hope is if I do end up failing, at least I tried my last fight.

 

 

~My plan for battle~

 

Meditate every 12 hoursish....

Biggest issue I have, is the worry and freaking out, allowing it to take over my thinking. My depression arrives and makes it nearly impossible to not be in battle. So deep breathing and listening to my body for 45 mins every 12 hours should help for me to work on through it…

 

Battle Logs… of all this Homework…

Literally only way I survive this type of battle is writing it down every step… and time. I bought a fantasy notebook to help me get through this. Let’s get through this!

Will also make charts to keep track of all my goals. Make it a bit easier on getting through this.

Goals - Fill one page daily of fantasy notebook of steps

 

Eat fruit and veggies….

I wanted to eat mindfully first, but realized I would be pushing it for myself (so that will show up later). Now just adding my veggies and fruits in my diet, I have been avoiding and that also maybe why my recovery has been going slow… Eating some good food does tend to have a ripple effect on rest of my food, so crossing fingers that it helps with my overall eating patterns.

Goal:  At least 4 servings a day, at least 1 veggie and 1 fruit.

 

NaNoWriMo….(Ended November 30th, didn't complete)

I’m insane. I hit 5,000 words in the first few days and my depression made this hard. But I want  to complete this also. So changing my main writing idea to work with my own thoughts with what I’m fighting with. Hopefully something cool will come with that.

This will prioritize over any streaming shows and gaming! Allowing a place to brainstorm hopefully.

Let’s win NaNoWriMo!

 

December No Scrolling Facebook... (Started Dec. 1st)

Description: Wish I came up with a better title and wasn't expecting to do this challenge until I realized it was the first.

Came up with the idea after @Teros explained his reasoning to me why he stayed off facebook. It stuck out enough I improvly made this a December challenge. 

I'm not removing FB entirely from my life because Messenger is a huge part of my real life communication (for Android users, easy to see when someone checks their messages lol). Along with I have groups I follow for class/clubs/news/information around campus. However, I do know "scrolling" is the worst way to find this info. So kind of taking FB by the horns, and just perhaps I'll save time and have FB earn less money because I see fewer "sponsored ads" by only going straight to the source of FB pages.

 

Template to make it easier to update. (updated Dec. 2nd)

Spoiler

 

Dec. 

Meditate every 12 hoursish.... 

 

 

Battle Logs… of all this Homework…

 

 

Eat fruit and veggies….

 

 

Facebook Free December

 

 

Edited by LovelyBouncer
updating for challenge
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Love this!!!

Good luck for this insane month! I love that you bought a nice notebook for your homework, writing with/on nice things that make you feel at ease is such a small thing, but so helpful!

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3 hours ago, Nol said:

Love this!!!

Good luck for this insane month! I love that you bought a nice notebook for your homework, writing with/on nice things that make you feel at ease is such a small thing, but so helpful!

 

Thank you!

Yeah, bad part is I have been spending on hoping get control in my life... Luckily I think this notebook is working and is rather pretty. 

20181122_133315.thumb.jpg.bb5212e38b7dfd5253aeff775fdb98b2.jpg

 

Back and front have this design, while there is fantasy maps on the inside cover! I haven't regretted so far, and hope I fill it well. 

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Depression is a bitch, she whispers in your ear all kinds of excuses why you don't need to do the things you know you should...I do hope you feel better soon (coughing is the absolute worst!)

 

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For fellow US friends, having late Thanksgiving! 

Even though I had a bad cold, we were able to have a nice meal of turkey and carb filled sides. It was wonderful. Able to have a family meal and all. 

And then tomorrow I'm staying home from the second bigger meal, but my boyfriend is coming down for the weekend. Which is a great thing for my mental health but can be a bit of distraction for my goals.. (except eating well, he owns the whole eating well thing). So hoping to be a bit productive before he comes around here in t-minus 22 hours... 

 

 

Nov. 22nd

Meditate every 12 hoursish.... 

I rocked this, the midday meditation yesterday kind of was hard. Since my mother did interrupt me excessively, but I got back to it and was able to work with her afterwards on getting the meal going. 

And was able to do the late night one earlier and get it done, so I slept well last night. 

 

Battle Logs… of all this Homework…

I filled a page! It was a close call, but I did a page and have a better idea what one of these old papers are about. Still avoid all the time, but hoping to add a bit more prayer to get help on my homework will help me get through this tough time. 

 

Eat fruit and veggies….

Rocked this, helps I bought veggies to snack on the other day. I had a late night meal when I posted my first post full of green veggies. Had oranges and sweet peas to keep me going with a few meat balls as I waited for the large meal. I know technically sweet peas aren't a veggie, but I'll let them go by because they are fresh and green which is better than what I was eating all last week. 

 

NaNoWriMo….

The only goal I failed on Thanksgiving. Because I wanted to watch Pieces of April for Thanksgiving... That spiraled to watch some other shows when I was tired in the evening. So hoping to have a better writing day today. Especially since I'm currently reading for my papers. 

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14 hours ago, RES said:

Depression is a bitch, she whispers in your ear all kinds of excuses why you don't need to do the things you know you should...I do hope you feel better soon (coughing is the absolute worst!)

 

Yeah, and with her side kick anxiety mongrels I can twist myself out of shape quite easily.... 

I am slowly getting better, yesterday I sneezed clear stuff for the first time during this cold (yay hopefully won't need to get antibiotics after all) and today I woke up with a clear nose and little to no coughing last night. Sadly my voice is still hoarse...

Which with my mother's patrol doesn't past the test of allowing my boyfriend in (but I'm sneaking him in since he will have driven an hour just to see me).  

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Nov. 23rd

Meditate every 12 hoursish.... 

I had gone over 12 hours for my first one after I woke up, however I started to say a little prayer for when I change positions so I would 100% effort even though a little late. 

Last night was done before 12 hours, and right before bed. I noticed how the deep breathing and holding positions are tiring some muscles out and relaxing others, I wonder how good it is doing my body compared to nada.

Thinking I need to keep a journal when I do sit down, because of all the thoughts that do come up and are related to what my fears with school work are about. Or past stuff that resurfaces. 

 

Battle Logs… of all this Homework…

This one was not good. I wrote a few lines, that is it.... The first page fell out also, which will make this notebook a bit moer interesting. 

 

Eat fruit and veggies….

Rocked this! Mainly because I was at home all day, I forsee challenges when I go back to school (and trying to think of ways on working with that).

So many steamed leafy greens like brussel sprouts and broccoli. 

 

NaNoWriMo….

555 words (numerology is a good sign).

Pretty much felt like I was getting no where, but that ended me laughing at it. 

 

 

Yesterday it was easier to do stuff around the house than facing my school work or writing. 

This morning waking up at 7 to help my mom with a nice breakfast, is a sign that meditation is helping me out. 

Now to continue working on any of my goals before I get distracted a little bit more than usual. 

 

Also found out, it is really hard to not scroll on facebook or watch shows for a little bit. Will be allowing a show perhaps throughout the day, to hopefully avoid a binge day in the near future out of frustration. 

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Roasted veggies are good too., spread them on a pan, little avocado oil, salt, and pepper, 350 for 20-30 min. 

1 hour ago, LovelyBouncer said:

Thinking I need to keep a journal when I do sit down, because of all the thoughts that do come up and are related to what my fears with school work are about. Or past stuff that resurfaces. 

 

This is a great idea!!

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First of all @LovelyBouncer, I want you to know that I appreciate your raw honesty. I know we are just recently connecting here on the forums, but in just the few paragraphs I read above I can see that in spite of your depression, you are mindful of the needs of your body and soul and long to draw out the things that bring you peace and joy. I also want you to know that you are strong because you seek growth and change. I applaud you.

 

I am currently enrolled in graduate school, and every semester since I started I have said things like, "This is the worst semester," "I don't think I can do this," "This is not going to end well." But every semester I have made A's in all my classes and it has not been the disaster I expected. This semester... guess what familiar song is running through my head? "I don't think I can do this...," etc.

 

You can do this. I believe in you. Let me know if I can help in any way.

 

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On 11/24/2018 at 10:17 AM, RES said:

Roasted veggies are good too., spread them on a pan, little avocado oil, salt, and pepper, 350 for 20-30 min. 

This is a great idea!!

Aww of course, does Avocado oil taste a bit better than olive oil? I never have tried it, but thank you for the quick recipe. Now to get to the store to stock up...

 

Also thank you RES  for encouragement of the journaling idea, gives me a bit more incentive knowing someone will be wondering how that is going. 

 

7 hours ago, Wolfen said:

First of all @LovelyBouncer, I want you to know that I appreciate your raw honesty. I know we are just recently connecting here on the forums, but in just the few paragraphs I read above I can see that in spite of your depression, you are mindful of the needs of your body and soul and long to draw out the things that bring you peace and joy. I also want you to know that you are strong because you seek growth and change. I applaud you.

Thank you Wolfen! 

That helped me put around words people have been trying to get through my thoughts. This post really helped this morning when I was working on showing up to a class I hadn't gone to in two weeks and was still feeling terrible. 

 

 

 

Updates now! Was going to update last night, but realized I was in a mess of love drunkenness after my boyfriend left to get ready for his week. 

Was it worth it? Yes! I could of done a bit more, but was a little immature when it came to my goals.

Just annoyed he lives 90 minutes away from me.... (which is probably a good thing at the same time)

 

Saturday & Sunday... (both because they smooshed together)

Meditate every 12 hoursish.... 

Uh... Saturday I got through a quarter of meditating, and kind of put it on the back burner for needed cuddling.

Sunday, got back on track in the evening on taking care of myself. (Though did take 6 hours of the fuzzy feelings to run through my system before I could think clear enough). 

 

Battle Logs… of all this Homework…

The notebook disappeared till 15 minutes ago.... The weekend didn't go well. 

 

Eat fruit and veggies….

Saturday - This one was easy, with having steamed veggies and oranges to eat with our food. (My bf has a stricter diet that has worked for him, so my veggies ended up being like treats in the end.. And steam bags made them no brainers for us) 

Sunday I don't think I made it because of the lack of veggies in my home. I will have to go get more today. 

 

NaNoWriMo….

I think I forgot how to type on a document also for how long my notebook disappeared. 

 

My cold status - woke up with my tonsil screaming at me I need to care of myself with sleep fluids/whole shabang. (fun fact I had my tonsils removed when I was 2, and they have been slowly growing back, and now in my 20s they my radar on how my immune system is doing....)

 

 

 

Was also reminded by watching my boyfriend playing Uncharted 4. All the climbing and jumping reminded me how I do want to learn Parkour one of these days. Uncharted 4 goes beyond what I ever want to do, but I want to be like the 11th Doctor where he jumps over whatever is on his path with no issue. Or like the gang on Final Fantasy XV on able to deal with any jumps or leaps with a roll. Ect. (If anything I need to find female heroes to watch for this). 

 

So two longterms goals Fitness wise I need to put somewhere)

Try to do 12 challenges in a row,(my goal for the next year) and maybe even 50. (A level for each challenge like a few around here?)

Parkour! 

But first: sticking to my meditation goals (also helps with my upper body strength with some of the positions I hold, and then look into something for moving my body over winter break (maybe even try out different stuff, or whatevs). 

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19 hours ago, LovelyBouncer said:

does Avocado oil taste a bit better than olive oil?

Honestly, I don't think it has much of a taste at all, I do know it handles higher heats better, I use it in almost everything. It's pretty versatile!

 

19 hours ago, LovelyBouncer said:

(fun fact I had my tonsils removed when I was 2, and they have been slowly growing back, and now in my 20s they my radar on how my immune system is doing....)

My mothers did this, twice! She had to have them removed again each time...only my baby sister had hers taken out, the rest of us (3) have ours still

 

 

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5 hours ago, RES said:

Honestly, I don't think it has much of a taste at all, I do know it handles higher heats better, I use it in almost everything. It's pretty versatile!

I'll get some when I need to shake stuff up a bit!

 

5 hours ago, RES said:

My mothers did this, twice! She had to have them removed again each time...only my baby sister had hers taken out, the rest of us (3) have ours still

 

I'm really hoping I don't ever have to have surgery again. I luckily only needed it then because my tonsils and adenoids were huge, and I had severe sleep apnea and had issues with drinking from a cup (fun fact my adenoids were bigger than my tonsils, which isn't a good thing- the doctor was relieved he removed both). 

 

Nov. 26

Meditate every 12 hoursish.... 

Was a little late for the first one of the day, but was able to get both in with no issues!

 

Battle Logs… of all this Homework…

I got at least a page, and had a huge "ahah" moment. 

 

Instead of thinking I need to scramble to write papers that are good enough, I just need to show my professors what I have learned. I can fill in gaps if I have time, but my professors know I've learned something. I just need to get the work in. 

Such a small difference, but the amount of relief I feel is wonderful. This is why I'm in school, to practice showing what I'm learning and be able to display myself professionally. 

 

Eat fruit and veggies….

I got this.. but I ended up binge eating yesterday also quite  bit. 

Whole box of chicken and broccoli helped finish up my servings, as having a banana and orange at beginning of my day helps. 

 

NaNoWriMo….

I need to start writing, as this is the one goal that has fallen off and is due the earliest. 

 

 

Also for homework, I have the look of my professors to "get r' done" somehow and someway. Remembering i just need to show what I have, is usually more than enough to get a C no less a B (just aiming for C at this point). I can make ripples with my passion, just need to do it!

 

 

Cold update - I had a long day at school and am tuckered out, tonsil quieted down but my nose has been clogged up. Though I can say I definitely am getting better if I continue listening to my body!

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November 27th

Meditate every 12 hoursish....  

First, in the morning I counted my healing appointment which involved me watching a Tina Turner music video (lol)

I got the first 3/4 of the meditation done but decided to take a break to finish getting ready for the night, involved me forgetting the last quarter for head-clearing.... (perhaps why my nose was badly clogged last night? lol)

So I got a B...

 

Battle Logs… of all this Homework… 

Uhhh... ended up losing my notebook again. I, however, did some reading, probably would have been more productive if I had the notebook. 

 

Eat fruit and veggies….

I nailed this with a $1 meal I get at a Campus church weekly, had a huge salad with beef goulash that had real tomatoes in it. With eating fruit in the morning, I know I aced this with no problem. 

This is going easier than expected, especially with Winter kicking in again and me wanting to feel warm. 

 

NaNoWriMo….

300 words-ish. The NaNo pep talk on just writing the story that comes out matters. So going to be kicking that into gear. 3 days to go... I can do this. 

 

 

Going to take a break from other people's forums, because it has been my procrastination away from NaNo and school work. Hopefully will also ignore Facebook and streaming shows... Along with my sims rabbit holes.

NaNo forums are fine since I haven't been looking at them at all, and kind of need it to join the group of others who will be writing 40k+ the next few days. 

current word count: 6,556

 

 

Of course, I'm not busy enough... I have been doing fitness research for procrastination: (Looking for any outside ideas). I will get started on a fitness goal and food course after Dec. 14th.

Been also doing fitness research on what steps to take on getting closer to my parkour direction. Especially since now I have a better understanding what's going on with my upper back (a weakness that had always made me ill until I started getting healing this last summer, and now have been able to get relief from meditating).

Thinking of doing a Fitness Test and a fitness trainer through my campus's gym. Maybe I could get help on finding exercises that don't hurt me, and I can slowly build upon to make me feel a bit more knowledgeable in my skin. 

There is a Gymnast gym that I could get to when I get my own vehicle for drop-in Parkour classes within my city also, that is priced well. So I have that also in my view. 

 

I know either one of the above choices I would have to be self-advocate and make myself vulnerable in public places I have been avoiding. Which I know is the reason why I didn't care for gyms in the past... However, I have grown immensely since the last time I was in a gym. 

 

Part of me thinks I could just work out at home with a Darebee or something, just to find an outfit that works before I brave the soon to be a busy gym? Especially since I have more weight than I'm used to, but also able to move my body better than I have in the past... Just being able to test my own machine could be helpful in itself....  

Unsure where to start with fitness, except I know I need to start it slowly. Will probably place one of my mediation times after I'm done with my semester. 

 

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1 hour ago, LovelyBouncer said:

Going to take a break from other people's forums, because it has been my procrastination away from NaNo and school work. Hopefully will also ignore Facebook and streaming shows... Along with my sims rabbit holes.

These types of things cause me to procrastinate as well (I say as I sit at work checking the forums :lol: )

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On 11/21/2018 at 11:15 PM, LovelyBouncer said:

 So here I am at NF hiding with the druids… To survive this semester. For me that means Spirituality is to help me get through this. My hope is if I do end up failing, at least I tried my last fight.

 I find that whenever I'm not feeling centered - a nice trip to the Druids is just what I need to get back on track.  I hope you find what you are looking for while you're with us!  

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Help.... My inner child ended up taking over and pretty much threw out all my goals... 

What's keeping me sane? My boyfriend still believes I can do it.... And my inner adult is like "we'll figure it out, we may have to campout at school starting tonight to get it done. We'll get it done!"

Punch line - there's a Winter Storm Warning over my city... And I just starting to snowing where I work now (I luckily have a boss that will let me go home if it looks like it's getting bad). 

 

Update since I last posted: (About Noon on Wednesday)

Meditated - once and that was yesterday at noonish

Battle logs - Yesterday was when I actually opened and worked on it, actually still have in my bag today

Fruit & Veggies - Yesterday I only ate 2, Wed. & Thurs. none.... 

NaNo-  I didn't complete this challenge, I wouldn't say I lost it. 

 

Meditating yesterday, I found out how vulnerable I feel and why "inner child" had taken over. There is a lot of little wounds that are opening up and stinging like crazy, and with me still fighting off my cold (it mainly hit my nose, and wasn't until yesterday with meds that I finally was able to breath easily). 

Along with meditating is more uncomfortable with mouth breathing... 

That's where Battle logs and eating well was also, I was laying in bed marathoning/bingeing: Boys Meet World - Wednesday,  Thursday - Elementary, Friday - Comedy skits/improv. 

 

The bingeing I know is me avoiding the discomfort Discomfort that isn't too bad in grand scheme of things, but is really hard to involve thinking that makes me uncomfortable. 

I see myself making my own hell, its weird. Still I have people looking at me like "you can still do it even when its tough". 

 

So plan is tonight after 8, I will be camping on campus till I get shit done.... (Hopefully I can get into the lab I need to get into). (Slightly excites my inner child, so may work lol). 

 

 

What has made this easier, having a guy who's more than happy to cheer me on. Even when I'm dragging my feet. Has helped my mother stay sane when I'm shooting myself in my foot by resting in bed. It has never ended well with her "checking on my school work situation" - mother/daughter dynamic gets in the way. She asked my BF if he could be the one with the job, he assured her that he was happy to take the job. So that has been helping me a bit, and he's made it clear if he had ever studied GIS stuff or American Indigenous Studies he would be helping working on the projects/papers along with me. 

First real guy in my life that has been willing to run toward my chaos with willing hands.... (This is silencing any inner worries about our relationship, because most people would of told me "to just get over it" by now). 

Which of course all these thoughts have been distracting me. 

 

 

Will post a different post on stuff discovered NaNo... 

 

 

 

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On 11/28/2018 at 12:41 PM, RES said:

These types of things cause me to procrastinate as well (I say as I sit at work checking the forums :lol: )

Hehe, yup and fell down a terrible well. At least with the Rebellion, I get real connections compared to FB at times or my Hulu binge watching... 

Hope you are able to keep yours healthy wise!

 

On 11/28/2018 at 8:34 PM, LittleTurtle said:

 I find that whenever I'm not feeling centered - a nice trip to the Druids is just what I need to get back on track.  I hope you find what you are looking for while you're with us!  

Oh Yes! And thank you!

Personally, view myself as being an ex-shapeshifter to protect oneself when I couldn't heal. Can't wait for what else I have to find here!

I actually think technically I'm somewhere in 3 classes, if not 4 to count the Rebellion. 

 

Dec. 1 - The day I drove home in the first real blizzard of this Winter season...

Meditate every 12 hoursish.... 

I'm altering this until I see my healer this next week. 

I was having a difficult time settling down my fear and anxieties, I reached out to friends for songs. My spirit buddy sent me 3 meditations, only about 20 mins each. She said it worked for her to just sit and listen, not even going to meditation zone. I listened while settling into my school lab and work on homework, getting up for water and bathroom. Afterward though for the first time in a LONG while I was able to just start working. Like magic, it felt like. 

Right now I'm testing on either doing one every 6 hours or every time I need to get a whole new caffeine source (or other not so great food sources but just need some nurturing). 

So going to stick to what FEELS right, over sticking to the long meditation I've been avoiding. 

 

Battle Logs… of all this Homework… 

7 whole pages! Bam! And that was with 6 hours left! 

The bad part of my pretty notebook, the pages are precut and are falling out when I use each page heavily. So papers are going crazy... It happens. 

I actually have an inner desire to use up this entire notebook in the next week and a half so I don't have to worry about all these papers. Just need to grab the journals and go... It works, kind of the whole point of the goal!

 

Eat fruit and veggies….

I would have had this... But I forgot my salad and my oranges before heading to school. Kind of funny. If it wasn't for my bad habit of just falling into bed every time I got home and the whole blowing wind and snow all over the place.

Instead, I'm working on making sure I drink at least a cup of water every hour, which is a good idea with my consumption of caffeine and getting over my cold still. 

 

NaNoWriMo….

December No Scrolling Facebook...

Description: Wish I came up with a better title and wasn't expecting to do this challenge until I realized it was the first.

Came up with the idea after @Teros explained his reasoning to me why he stayed off facebook. It stuck out enough I improvly made this a December challenge. 

I'm not removing FB entirely from my life because Messenger is a huge part of my real life communication (for Android users, easy to see when someone checks their messages lol). Along with I have groups I follow for class/clubs/news/information around campus. However, I do know "scrolling" is the worst way to find this info. So kind of taking FB by the horns, and just perhaps I'll save time and have FB earn less money because I see fewer "sponsored ads" by only going straight to the source of FB pages.

Today's Result:I do know I have a terrible habit of randomly opening up FB with just a few words. However, I worked on not being hard on myself and closing it if I wasn't looking for something specific. 

If anything it had me clear up my tabs a bit, because I had to be a bit more mindful with my habit. Can see why I binge scroll when I do, but hope it doesn't get to be so bad at one point. 

 

 

Cold status - Was feeling pretty good today. Keeping the med routine down helps greatly with all my symptoms. I'm choosing to camp at school until I get a certain amount of projects done (because of a certain class lab I have access to and not having to worry about parking because I walk to school, it is working out great for this semester). Since I'm the only one here, I have the music open and can literally pass out by accident. (Door is locked unless they have specific access to this lab). 

However, my throat is letting me know this isn't the smartest choice... I, however, choose it. Especially because my stress is wrecking sleep anyway. By the time I can't see clearly, I can walk home safely and crash. Hopefully, I will be ready for my project presentations by then!

 

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17 hours ago, LovelyBouncer said:

I'm choosing to camp at school until I get a certain amount of projects done

Hope this went well for you!!

 

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On 11/22/2018 at 1:15 AM, LovelyBouncer said:

Came up with the idea after @Teros explained his reasoning to me why he stayed off facebook. It stuck out enough I improvly made this a December challenge. 

 

https://www.cnbc.com/2018/12/01/social-media-detox-christina-farr-quits-instagram-facebook.html

 

This stuff gets written about like every couple of weeks.  I talked about it and BAM, new article on it came out.

 

On 11/24/2018 at 10:06 AM, LovelyBouncer said:

Also found out, it is really hard to not scroll on facebook or watch shows for a little bit. Will be allowing a show perhaps throughout the day, to hopefully avoid a binge day in the near future out of frustration. 

I have an addictive personality.  It's designed to be like that.  You can't just look at one article, or watch just one video on youtube.  It's a breadcrumb path and suddenly 4 hours is wasted and then I start to panic if I didn't get something accomplished.  It's the same for food with me: I need to just cut it and be strict and that's the end of it.  Giving myself some wiggle room for my addiction is what ALWAYS fucks me up.

 

On 11/27/2018 at 2:15 PM, RES said:

Honestly, I don't think it has much of a taste at all, I do know it handles higher heats better, I use it in almost everything. It's pretty versatile!

Yeah same.  I've had it in some salad dressings and it's pretty flavorless.  If I need zero flavor, I get a good brand of coconut oil.  The stop and shop brand tastes horrible, but I think Spectrum brand is completely flavorless.  Works well if making homemade peanutbutter cups.

 

On 11/28/2018 at 12:31 PM, LovelyBouncer said:

Part of me thinks I could just work out at home with a Darebee or something, just to find an outfit that works before I brave the soon to be a busy gym? Especially since I have more weight than I'm used to, but also able to move my body better than I have in the past... Just being able to test my own machine could be helpful in itself....  

Unsure where to start with fitness, except I know I need to start it slowly. Will probably place one of my mediation times after I'm done with my semester. 

 

So this is sort of a double-whammy for me.  I get antsy and irritated when I'm sitting for too long and doing homework.  If I feel like I need a break, I get up and go for a walk or something and then come back.  Have you thought about mixing the circuit stuff in at all?  Like when you're in a brain fog and need a couple minutes, do x reps of squats and then when it feels like it cleared your head, do more homework?  It's like a see-saw: too much mental pushing, so swap it for physical pushing, then switch back to mental pushing.  That way you are essentially getting huge rest breaks in between, meaning you're testing how your body feels.  Plus you get the added bonus of feeling super productive and battling the anxiety since you're switching from mental productive into physical productive.

 

On 12/1/2018 at 2:28 PM, LovelyBouncer said:

The bingeing I know is me avoiding the discomfort Discomfort that isn't too bad in grand scheme of things, but is really hard to involve thinking that makes me uncomfortable. 

I see myself making my own hell, its weird.

 

That's the cycle I can get into with youtube and schoolwork.  Watch a video and another and another to avoid feeling anxiety-ridden.  But then 3 hours later I'm more anxious since I just wasted 3 hours.  what's a good way to avoid that feeling?  Watching more.  It's the same mentality as any other addiction.  People use unhealthy coping mechanisms to solve issues: anything can be unhealthy in extremes.

 

 

 

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On 12/2/2018 at 7:48 PM, RES said:

Hope this went well for you!!

Sadly no, all nighters are off the table when it comes to school work... 

All-nighters are only going to be for fun or family stuff (like caring for a child... in the far future). 

 

I worked my butt off for 2 nights, slept the days by accident. By Tuesday morning my depression went back down to the dark place for the first time in a LONG time. I luckily was able to get get into my Healer, my mom was able to hold me for awhile, and my boyfriend made sure to check on me throughout the day. 

The two presentations I was trying to work my butt off on... I ended up losing one of my project's work to a computer "refreshing". 

And my 2nd presentation? Me, myself, and I somehow was blocking and didn't allow me to get done...

Aww well, something I will be putting more energy in the future is seeing where my thinking is going behind each assignment. There is stuff in the past that makes "the usual" a painful process. 

Upside with all the caught up sleep, I am feeling better from my cold. Which I'm doing no all nighters for homework to keep that down for awhile. 

 

 

On 12/3/2018 at 12:04 PM, Teros said:

I have an addictive personality.  It's designed to be like that.  You can't just look at one article, or watch just one video on youtube.  It's a breadcrumb path and suddenly 4 hours is wasted and then I start to panic if I didn't get something accomplished.  It's the same for food with me: I need to just cut it and be strict and that's the end of it.  Giving myself some wiggle room for my addiction is what ALWAYS fucks me up.

Yeah, I have addictive behavior also. 

Facebook I realized should be a red flag for how I have looked up Facebook daily, I found a way. I seriously have never done that for anything else. Streaming websites are second up. 

I am definitely looking closer at Facebook and streaming websites, as they have similarities to my binge eating. But should be given just a look on what I do with my brain. 

 

On 12/3/2018 at 12:04 PM, Teros said:

The stop and shop brand tastes horrible, but I think Spectrum brand is completely flavorless.  Works well if making homemade peanutbutter cups.

I need to play with more oils.... 

My boyfriend that originally from Nigeria, has cooked  with Palm oil (low heat tolerance compared to olive oil... by how many oil fires he has accidentally started).  I however,  was surprised with eggs and fish on how it changes the flavor dynamics. It's not just spices that can change stuff up, but other parts of the recipe. 

Reward idea for helping keep my kitchen clean as I try to figure out a balance... :) 

 

On 12/3/2018 at 12:04 PM, Teros said:

That way you are essentially getting huge rest breaks in between, meaning you're testing how your body feels.  Plus you get the added bonus of feeling super productive and battling the anxiety since you're switching from mental productive into physical productive.

 

This makes sense! I think my mom and others have been trying to get this in my head for years, but this finally makes sense... 

Also blood to the brain also helps with focus I've heard lol

 

On 12/3/2018 at 12:04 PM, Teros said:

That's the cycle I can get into with youtube and schoolwork.  Watch a video and another and another to avoid feeling anxiety-ridden.  But then 3 hours later I'm more anxious since I just wasted 3 hours.  what's a good way to avoid that feeling?  Watching more.  It's the same mentality as any other addiction.  People use unhealthy coping mechanisms to solve issues: anything can be unhealthy in extremes.

Yup!

For me there's a flexibility I have to give my "inner child" over trying to force not to do things.  So I always have different feelings toward this. 

 

 

 

So its the end of Thursday since Sunday... My tallying of keeping track of this challenge... Well going to see how that went mentally since I have been keeping tabs physically very well. 

 

Dec. 

Meditate every 12 hoursish.... 

I thought this was totally off the wagon, but just the habit I was trying to make is. However, I have found other ways to keep my connection and anxiety (or when to ask for help instead of listening to anxiety's fears). Such as the meditation videos my friend sent me, music with good vibrations and trying to let go (was reminded why I don't like letting go though because a lot of fear comes out.. but baby steps). 

 

Alter this to listen to one meditation a day? To remind me of positive affirmations. 

I might just need to do daily meditation to help figure out what I need to do here... 

 

 

Battle Logs… of all this Homework…

I have been using this! However pages are falling out... Why is it with my school notebooks the ones I want ripped out are dumb, while this has pages falling out when I write all over a piece of paper.. 

Wednesday is the only day I didn't use this, because I just wanted to rest all day. Has been helping on moving forward. 

 

Eat fruit and veggies….

I don't think I have eaten enough each day... Sunday yes due to being ready to go. However Monday and after, urgh. 

If I eat some fruit today I'll be good because I did get a salad, if I eat fruit... 

 

Facebook Free December

Not too terrible, just been going on longer and longer each day. Yesterday was the worst on endless scrolling. And today I scrolled quite a bit. If I'm not streaming something, I seem to be scrolling. Or both... Just one step at a time of being mindful. 

 

 

School stuff. Not going as planned, but all my professors aren't worried about me not passing. Even with me not doing presentations, realizing the grade on these projects aren't as big and awful as I make them. 

American Indigenous Studies & Museums - I have until Tuesday to turn in all my papers for points. 

GIS - I have an exam on Friday, and my professor wants me to work on my project as well as I can and will talk on Monday.

So writing, studying and projects when I can. 

Toughy of project is I need to be in lab, however in reality I could do everything else outside. 

 

 

Goal is to manage my time for schoolwork and take care of myself... 

Will be interesting in the next few days. 

This part of the challenge has been extended longer than I thought. I however am fully relieved..

Remembering my brain learns slowly, since as I get it I'm good but painful when I procrastinate so badly. 

 

 

 

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I told myself I wouldn't change up my goals unless to change them because of life change, I realize though that my mindset has been off... Needing to relook over my goals again. It's the halfway point so it works right, not sure yet where to go. Will be brainstorming on it. 

 

Dec. 6th

Meditate every 12 hoursish.... 

This one needs to change! This goal was too big, and I need to figure out a smaller goal 

 

Battle Logs… of all this Homework…

Did it, and was able to keep doing things even when I was tired. I don't know how that's going to go for rest of the week. 

 

Eat fruit and veggies….

Almost, except my kitchen is a mess. I had a salad for lunch to help get some veggies, but navigating the mess of my kitchen deterred me to look on for more. 

Biggie I realized with kitchen is keeping up with maintaining the surface area. On top of it, it has become unsafe for my mom to even help because of what has started growing.

 

Facebook Free December

Changing this from totally free to turning on StayFocused on my laptop. Will have to watch myself on my cellphone, but should be a tiny bit easier. I also am throwing Hulu and Netflix. I think I run to this stuff when I need a mental break, and good feels/escape from my own emotions. Combine these problems with absent mindly eating where to go from there? And instead of breaking it fully, I only have 10 mins for all above sites I said. 

 

 

Ideas on helping out making batcave goals into small bite sizes (maintaining my home well enough to reach my other goals, without over doing it). 

 

Edited 10 mins later:

Another goal that I've been doing behind the scenes - is switching sugary pop with La Croix water. Been the number way of making sure I'm hydrated, especially when I'm stressed. 

I introduced my boyfriend to La Croix when he came over for Thanksgiving weekend. That was the first time I ever seen him drink up with enjoyment, when I told him nothing like sweeteners were in it (he himself became a heavy pop drinker before he was diagnosed with diabetes).

He has given me the extra reinforcement when I was going to buy a few bottle of sprite, to go get the better option. Reminding me of the health benefits of choosing better. 

 

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Just like the best workout is the one you'll do, the best goals are the ones you will stick too! If they're too much (even if just right now) or not something you're really willing to change, then you won't stick with them. Good luck!

 

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On 12/10/2018 at 2:38 PM, RES said:

Just like the best workout is the one you'll do, the best goals are the ones you will stick too! If they're too much (even if just right now) or not something you're really willing to change, then you won't stick with them. Good luck!

 

Thank you RES! 

Yes, a reminder I had with all my procrastination studying. 

 

Going to work on reading this article: 

https://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/why-self-limiting-beliefs-are-bs-and-how-to-crush-them/

 

Since it has been amounted to me I question myself, or I get ahead of myself. And going to figure out how to battle it back. 

Goals wise? Need to figure out a different way to score them... I know everyone does spreadsheets but blah (any other ideas of how to easily daily track would be great on my phone..) Maybe I should do the signature like Tank?

 

I'm carrying on, keeping my depression down and trying to look at the light for when I end. 

Have so much support. My sleep is screwed because of stress but I foresaw that lol. Trying to control procrastination and work. 

Nothing like adrenaline for the last minute, huh? 

 

PREVIEW_SCREENSHOT7_84962.jpg

 

Upside I have found new patience for myself amongst me avoiding falling apart and a little story in my head, that I hope I can get on paper later. 

Would be cool to have a world from Mirror's Edge Catalyst & Final Fantasy XV

 

A-Kings-Tale-Final-Fantasy-XV-1.jpg

 

 

 

Edit an hour later: Long story short I'm seeing a friend from high school, the first time in 5 years. 

---

And besides all this school paper stuff and feeling behind. The nice part this week is I am meeting with an old high school friend/Catholic Church Confirmation buddy. I distanced our relationship in senior year, but she still invited me to come to her graduation (though I didn't ask her to my quiet one).

She chatted with me the summer after freshman year of college, life was getting hectic and I just realized the friends I did have couldn't be there for me. She probably couldn't either. I avoided anymore conflict that I could attract which seemed to be common for me by this point. 

5 years without speaking much to each other. I messaged her last October when I kept remembering small things that made me happy, realizing she was there for me when I was pushing people away when my dad first got really sick in 2009 (10th grade for me). We gave each other gifts for every celebration for a couple years and enjoyed each other's time (when she decided not to skip classes... which was a big nono for me). 

She also had a rough time with College (and she had dreams like I did) and would love to reconnect. 

 

Will be interesting, I weight the most I ever had but have the best posture. I'm the one in a relationship not her (which is a first for me). She just moved to the same city area right after I reached out to her (meant to be lol).

 

I know I'm heavily nervous and excited and just hate I have to focus right now, lol. 

Edited by LovelyBouncer
added more stuff lol
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Because more procrastination lol... Fudge

 

But started Warm Up regimen from NFA - Steve's favorite 

Every 100 words equals one exercise, so long breaks in between. Workable! Here's my log that I wrote up, maybe a little tmi lol

Spoiler

Doing Warm UP for the first time in over a year: after 9 pm 12/10/19 – Not with my right side of my hip/groin was pulled quite a bit during partner recreation activity. – Each exercise is done after a little break to see how I feel after. If I should continue on or not. Helps with the fears of accidently over

                30 seconds High Knees helped wake up some cardio that I realized I lost when sitting, realizing how sedentary I have become.

                25 Jumping Jacks – I had to stop twice to help with footing and probably catch my breath. And ouch my breasts hurt. Definitely going to work toward a better sports bra on helping with exercise. My bra hurt my back with the restraint that was supposed to help with more support. Had to turn off lights to feel comfortable to do this.

                10 Assisted Bodyweight squats – Can tell I still need to learn the correct way of doing this, but this has my heart rate going fast and uncomfortable. Which tells me how long it has been since I got my heart rate up. I think I put too much weight on my arms, but going to keep trying this.

30 seconds arm circles forward and then another 30 seconds back- damn that opened more than expected. Had to stop once, but gave me more relief than in pain it has given me in years.

10 Wall Pushups – done only about a foot back from wall most, and just to give some weight on  my arms but focused on trying to do posture. Woke up my fingertips heavily especially nice for writing and playing games

10 Fence Steppers- Was happy to find I have pretty good balance, even with my soreness. My hips were defiantly stiff, but were more than relieved to have this help to open them up.

10 Front Legs Swings 10x each side – Woke up my nerves a lot more than expected and a bit more difficult than I thought it would be….

About 3/4ths the way through

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