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TheGreyJedi-Ranger

Jedi Sets Up the Cornerstone

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20 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

It's as much his job to take care of you as it is your job to take care of him. You're both in this together, and both count equally in the marriage. Your needs are not more important than his, nor are they less important than his. 

That's true. I'm a caretaker, I tend to struggle with that.

 

14 hours ago, Cheetah said:

I Agree With Tank™

 

 

Not at all.  I've been right where you are.  It took some time and a lot of work, but I got it sorted, and I know you can too.  You'll come out on the other side of this, stronger than you've ever been.

 

I definitely couldn't have done it without my beautiful and supportive wife.  I'm glad I talked to her about everything, so that she had the opportunity to help me through it.

 

Have you made any more progress toward getting counseling? 

I hope so, thanks <3

 

I was supposed to have a doctor's appt last week, but I couldn't get out due to snow. So I'm actually going on Friday. Hopefully I'll get the referral to go then, and/or a slight increase in my antidepressants. The first go-round brought me out of the hole back to my normal. But my normal isn't really a good sort of normal so....

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2 hours ago, TheGreyJedi-Ranger said:

That's true. I'm a caretaker, I tend to struggle with that.

There's nothing wrong with being a caretaker. The problems start when caretakers forget they need to be cared for in turn. There can be any number of reasons caretakers resist being cared for.

  • They don't think they deserve to be cared for
  • They don't think they count as much as others
  • The feel guilty because they don't recoginze their own needs
  • They care out of a sense of guilt or insecurity. Caring for others numbs (but does not address the roots of) the pain of guilt and insecurity. Being cared for reduces the effectiveness of service in numbing their pain
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2 hours ago, TheGreyJedi-Ranger said:

my normal

 

I can definitely relate to that.  Getting meds sorted takes time.  I hope you can get the help you need!

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7 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

There's nothing wrong with being a caretaker. The problems start when caretakers forget they need to be cared for in turn. There can be any number of reasons caretakers resist being cared for.

  • They don't think they deserve to be cared for
  • They don't think they count as much as others
  • The feel guilty because they don't recoginze their own needs
  • They care out of a sense of guilt or insecurity. Caring for others numbs (but does not address the roots of) the pain of guilt and insecurity. Being cared for reduces the effectiveness of service in numbing their pain

image.png.2ab3dc709e8d2a8c521d1c445c46b090.png

 

But for real basically all of those are me and I definitely feel a little bit attacked :p TBH That's something I'm hoping to bring up with a therapist when I get one.

 

 

7 hours ago, Cheetah said:

 

I can definitely relate to that.  Getting meds sorted takes time.  I hope you can get the help you need!

Me too >_> I want to become a more functional person. I want to have kids one day and I don't feel like I'm emotionally stable enough to be a good mom. I promised myself I'd at least be partially functional before that happens lol

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3 hours ago, TheGreyJedi-Ranger said:

 

But for real basically all of those are me and I definitely feel a little bit attacked :p TBH That's something I'm hoping to bring up with a therapist when I get one.

 

 

I'm glad Tank is smacking you down with the facts :D It's really exhausting to take care of others all the time, while neglecting your own needs. Could you start looking at yourself as someone, who needs your care, too? And who would greatly benefit from getting help and support from others?

 

Things can change, and you can absolutely become more functional. The world is kinder than it seems, just try and focus on that kindness and allow yourself to get help and support :love_heart:

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13 hours ago, Cheetah said:

 

giphy.gif

 

j/k i love my offspring

 

giphy.gif

 

oh my god that last gif i can't handle it ahahgjkdsghsd i am WHEEZING here

 

10 hours ago, Ensi said:

The world is kinder than it seems

 

This is a beautiful thing. <3

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13 hours ago, Ensi said:

 

I'm glad Tank is smacking you down with the facts :D It's really exhausting to take care of others all the time, while neglecting your own needs. Could you start looking at yourself as someone, who needs your care, too? And who would greatly benefit from getting help and support from others?

 

Things can change, and you can absolutely become more functional. The world is kinder than it seems, just try and focus on that kindness and allow yourself to get help and support :love_heart:

Lol sometimes I need to be smacked down with the facts xD And it really is. I'm horrid about it.

That thought process of being someone who needs my own care is super helpful! I was starting to ignore my own hunger (I've had several snacks because I haven't had anything filling enough today yet) and I deliberately stopped and thought How would you feel if [Mr. Right] was doing this? You'd be upset and try to tempt him with tasty foods to get him to eat. So why don't you just go get up and find another snack? You're hungry, it's okay to eat. And I'm about to go get said snack now :)

 

Thanks <3 There are definitely days where that doesn't feel like it's the case, a reminder is always welcome and often necessary >_> 

 

2 hours ago, shaar said:

 

oh my god that last gif i can't handle it ahahgjkdsghsd i am WHEEZING here

 

 

This is a beautiful thing. <3

IKR xD 

 

It really is <3

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Doctor's appointment went okay yesterday. I will say that I should have requested to not be weighed because it really threw me for a negative loop seeing my weight. But it was my decision to look, I didn't need to and shouldn't have. Mistakes were made. 

 

Doctor upped my dose of my antidepressant and is sending another referral through so I can get into therapy to see how that does for me. I'm overall pleased! She and I agreed that the weight gain I've been dealing with for the past few years is probably a combination of my birth control and my depression. I think we're going to address the Birth Control once my depression and anxiety are under better control.

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Wow the past couple of days have been low key a train wreck. My body is still trying to adjust to the higher dose of my meds, which is.. difficult. And my body image hasn't been great since finding out my weight. I've been struggling with my body recently a lot, honestly. Like... I just don't feel physically like myself. I gained a decent amount of weight in a short time and I just don't feel very comfortable and at ease in my body. It almost doesn't feel like mine. I hate it. But as my doctor said 'let's just get you feeling better' when I brought up changing my birth control (because I think it's part of my weight gain). I can't deal with anything else until I deal with the depression and anxiety. It's too much of my life. 

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44 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

I wish I had something to say that would make this better. You're in a rough spot right now and I think you're awesome for not giving up.

Honestly, sometimes just the acknowledgement that things suck helps. Because it really and truly does sometimes. But I'm on track to make things better.

 

And thanks <3 

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Hi everyone, merry Christmas! I hope everyone had a good holiday.

 

I've recently been thinking about my New Years Resolutions and how I'm going to break them down into goals for the next 4-wk challenge. First I'd like to say that I REALLY like Habitica. It's a great push to remember to keep my habits going properly and to get my head in the correct spot. Gamifying it without making it feel like shaming when I don't get something. It's actually excellent :) 

 

So I'm going to list my resolutions for the year and some steps that I'm going to take to achieve them!

 

Read my bible more

Add ‘bible reading’ to Habitica as a daily. I need to get into this more. I keep getting into it and then stopping like a dummy. That's a big goal for the year! This will be in my first 4wk challenge.

 

Get my brain healthy

Tbd. Depends on what the doc and therapist say. I did get my meds increased sightly.

 

Continue IE

Add ‘ate when hungry’ to Habitica for a habit. That's my first one. That'll be in my first 4wk challenge. I'll add different pieces of IE to it as I feel comfortable.

 

Start Lifting Again by End of 2019

I love lifting and I'd like to get back into it if I can really get IE down and feel more comfortable with it!

 

Create a better space for myself

Basically, I need a home office. So I'm going to repurpose the guest room slightly to accommodate one. I have some ideas and plans, and I can hopefully get an office set up in there within a few months. Slowly.

 

Leave the house more

Plan at least one outing a week that's not grocery shopping or church. Library, the mall, shopping, something. Even maybe a hike when things get nicer.

 

More pushing on my M&M stuff

This is my youtube channel. I'm planning on buying a domain name and starting a better website soon! Seeing where I can take it in 2019.

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