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This challenge I am mostly aiming for just keeping up the momentum. Last challenge was not perfect, but a really good start back into training, so now it's time to keep going. Goals are therefore pretty similar:

 

GOAL 1: workout 2x / week


GOAL 2: no food for min of 14h over night, few carbs, 2 Liters of water per day


GOAL 3: edit and upload all meditation recordings (morning meditations and retreat meditations)


GOAL 4: finish reading "Atomic Habits" and reflect with a little journaling on it daily (4TW streak)

 

Goal 1 and  2 are basically the same as last challenge. I do want to build up to 3 training units per week, but at the moment I have still a lot of appointments for the kids with the orthodontist and youngest checkups after her operation, for my parents with their regular doctor and my dad for his eye operations plus helping with their shopping while he can't drive, so between that and work and helping the kids with their school stuff (it's a busy exam time of the year) I don't think 3 are realistic just yet. I am glad and proud if I get those 2 in every week.

 

The 14 hours food break over night are slightly more than the 12 I had scheduled last, but considering I regularly had days with 16 hours it should be doable to increase the daily goal here. I don't want to set myself to 16 hours every day because if I don't manage, I'll feel like a failure and might drop the whole idea. Rather smaller steps and go for long term improvement.


Goal 3 is a work goal that is easily procrastinated on, so here is my continuation of the monster battle and I am determined to do better this time round!! ROAR


Goal 4 is aiming at improving my daily routines in general. I started this book and find it very inspiring and helpful, but then I end up listening to interviews with the author on youtube while playing puzzle games, in my recreational times and never put anything into action to actually make it work for me :P collecting underpants ...

 

 

well, it's not entirely true. I do observe my day differently already and have noticed some of the decisive moments during my days already, that come up routinely. I'll put the ramblings on that behind a spoiler, so that it doesn't clog up too much of this intro

Spoiler

 

For instance, every time I come home from whatever outing or errand or whatever, I automatically tend to feel "I need a break" and want to sit down with a cup of tea and entertain myself with something. This would be fine, if I wouldn't lose track of time then and end up sitting too long and not getting the stuff done, I wanted to get done that day. Also I think, I don't always need that break at all. It's just wired in: coming home - resting time. So I'd like to find alternative go-to-behavior for that.


Another decisive moment is after lunch. Again I tend to feel tired and sluggish and some days it might even be a good idea to give in to that, yet I should aim for something that really rests me, like a nap or so, and not just distraction time that goes on until I have to go out again (or help the kids with something)

 


The author also argues strongly for habit change to be easier when we shift our perception of identity, meaning "Who do I want to become?" and emphases how I have to "fall in love with the process" of any habits I want to keep up long term, otherwise it's hard to make them stick. It makes total sense to me.

 

I can see a lot how it works, when I observe my training: our choice to often fall in line with our tribe for instance. When I see all the super fit people shown during their exercises on the big screen and they look so graceful and strong, I want to be part of that tribe, obviously, and it seems natural to keep working out, because it suggests that already makes me a part of that group. I might not be built like an athlete at the moment, but if I train even the basics, I am closer to getting there again. Also every time I train, I demonstrate myself that I am sportive, which is a nice identity to slip into :)

 

This tribe-pull is so strong though, I even find myself looking at those protein shakes being sold there, just because they are there and seem to be recommended. I don't even like that stuff! I don't believe in them being that great either, so I just stick to water :p I am just fascinated about my brain going that way.

 

 

So anyway... falling in love with the process: I am swinging those big ropes and check the interval timer and catch myself thinking "half way there and after this it's just the gravity trainer left and the knee tucks"

 

WOAH

 

that is checking off a chore, not really loving the process!

 

So I try to remember what I like about training and why I do it. I remember the wonderful feeling afterwards, in the shower and later driving home, feeling all warm and vibrant and glowing. That's real nice! Then I try if I can feel any of that during swinging the ropes? Not as easy :lol: am rather out of breath and my arms are battling to keep it up, not so vibrant right now. BUT I realize I can feel powerful despite of it and aim for the badass feeling, that works.  

 

This morning I noticed I really, really like the kettlebell swings. And watching myself in the mirror (for checking posture) I notice I like the way my legs look in the move and hah! another badass, fun moment in the process, whooohooo

 

Also that blasted tire, that I hated so much to start with because it raised my heart rate to a seeming 200 (my fitbit is broken so I have no idea) - today I noticed I could do all three rounds of 40 seconds easily and I didn't even hate it so much anymore... go figure

 

Today was great in several ways! Not only did I manage the three rounds of circuit training for the first time, but I also added a bit of headstand afterwards, squeeeee

 

The thing is, I was hesitant to even go there before, because when I do my stretching after the trainings and go into shoulderstand all the squishy tummy is right in my face and I feel so ugh then. I didn't even want to go for headstand for worry about my top falling down and all that squishy tummy sticking out for anyone to see :/ so I thought, I'll train until I am so slim and strong, I can show my tummy with pride again!

 

Today I thought stuff it, why wait and tucked my top into my leggings and just went for it. With a few brief toe tips to the wall I managed to hold for nearly the 40 sec unit, woot woot. Might integrate that permanently now :triumphant:

 

 

 

My current training takes place at the gym and looks like this:


10 minutes on the rowing machine (equals 2km) 

 

followed by 3 rounds of 40 sec exercise each with 50 sec break in between 
- kettlebell swings (2 handed)
- quick step ups on a big tire (more like a mixture of running and hopping in place)
- bodyweight rows on rings (12 reps) at about 45 degree angle
- weighted lunges (bulgarian bag weighing 10kg)
- running in place and punching the punching bag
- pushing a power sledge (light jog and on 2nd and 3rd round walking)
- swinging the big ropes
- push ups on gravity trainer (set at medium height and comes to about 9 reps per 40 sec)
- knee tucks while hanging from pull up bar (I do 10 lifts at the moment, disregarding the time here)

 

then I do some stretches, which is my favorite part ^_^ only that I noticed today my shoulder mobility is shocking, but otherwise I feel really good about this part

 

 

So that's it! If this goes well, it will be time to bring the pole back in, squeeeeeeeee

 

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For tracking as I am sooooo good with that :lol:

 

GOAL 1: workout 2x / week

 

Week 1: 2/2

Week 2: 3/2

Week 3: 2/2

Week 4: 2/2


GOAL 2: no food for min of 14h over night, few carbs, 2 Liters of water per day

 

Week 1: not tracked / not tracked / not tracked / not tracked / 14 h and 2.5 liters / 16 h and 3 l / 14 h and 2 liters

Week 2: 17.5 h and 2 liters / 15 h and 2 liters / 15.5 h and 2.5 liters / 17 h and 3 liters / 15 h and 2 liters / 16 h and 3.5 liters / 17 h and 2 liters

Week 3: 17 h - 2.5 liters / 16 h - 2,5 liters / 16 h - 2.5 liters / 20 h - 2.5 liters / 15.5 h - 2 liters / 17 h - 3 liters / 17 h - 2.5 liters

Week 4: 16 h - 2.5 liters / 15 h - 2 liters / 20h - 2.5 liters / 14h - 2 liters / 16h - 2 liters / 19.5h - 2.5 liters / 16h - 2 liters


GOAL 3: edit and upload all meditation recordings (morning meditations and retreat meditations)

 

Morning meditations: 3/28 plus 0/28

Retreat recordings: 5/8


GOAL 4: finish reading "Atomic Habits" and reflect with a little journaling on it daily (4TW streak)

 

Book progress: 34%

Journaling streak: 0 - journaled on 13 days out of the 28, but unfrequently

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21 hours ago, lucky fire dragon said:

Last challenge was not perfect, but a really good start back into training, so now it's time to keep going.

 

The point of a challenge isn't to be perfect, it's to keep you going, celebrate improvement, and note areas for further improvement. If you hit every challenge perfectly... it wouldn't be a challenge. :) 

 

Nice work on the headstand.... The people who would be judging you aren't worth consideration, and 99% of people at a gym are more concerned with their own workouts than watching other people. What do you mean by your shoulder flexibility is shocking? Good? In need of work?

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22 hours ago, Manarelle said:

 

The point of a challenge isn't to be perfect, it's to keep you going, celebrate improvement, and note areas for further improvement. If you hit every challenge perfectly... it wouldn't be a challenge. :) 

 

True. I meant to say that I was pretty happy with it as it was. There are times when I overload my challenges and then drop out, so I try to make them easier now in order to up the chances of pulling through. That means, I could theoretically get to a perfect one ^_^ let's see...

But then I'd have to up the level of course, otherwise as you say, it would be pretty boring 

 

22 hours ago, Manarelle said:

 

Nice work on the headstand.... The people who would be judging you aren't worth consideration, and 99% of people at a gym are more concerned with their own workouts than watching other people. What do you mean by your shoulder flexibility is shocking? Good? In need of work?

 

True again!

 

Oh no, in need of work! I wish it was shockingly good :lol: that would be nice.
I used to be able to reach with my hands behind my back on both sides (a long time ago), you know like this

 

670px-Perform-Shoulder-Stretches-Step-4.

 

Now I can reach the finger tips on one side only and the other is way away from that. On that day I could not even touch my fingers on the good side, therefor the realization "this needs work"

 

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Week 1 Day 6


Despite starting the challenge late, I am having a great first week. Did my second training this morning and it went really well again. 

 

I upped the rowing machine a tiny bit. Last time it was set at the low end of 5 (out of 10) bordering 4, today I set it to nearly 6 instead and it was good. Next time I'll put it smack bam into the middle of 6. Let's work them abs!

Rowed for 10 min 15 sec until 2 km


First round (50 sec break between each exercise):

  • two handed kettlebell swing at 9kg (40 sec)
  • hopping step ups on tire for 40 sec
  • 12 bodyweight rows with feet nearly at the line of the mats (this is just for personal orientation, I want to get more horizontal bit by bit, so if I have my toes go over the line next time, it should be harder)
  • lunges with 10 kg bulgarian bag on shoulders (40 sec)
  • running in place while punching bag (40 sec)
  • pushing powersledge without extra weight but at jogging pace instead of walking (40 sec)
  • swinging the big ropes (40 sec)
  • 11 push ups on gravity trainer set at 4th hole (40 sec) -> this is so cool, last time I only managed 9, now it was 2 more!
  • 10 knee tucks while hanging from pull up bar (I could do more, but my hands were sweating so badly, that I managed to just hold on for the 10, might want to start mixing some straight leg lifts in)

The other two rounds were basically the same, only that I switched to one-handed kettle bell swings, so I did them with only the left arm for the 40 sec of the second round and only with the right arm for the 40 sec of the third round. It was okay, but did feel like a strain and I don't want to up too much too soon, so maybe next time I alternate between left and right hand instead.

 

Went for the headstand again afterwards (despite crowded gym and the shyness was a lot better already) Also as @Manarelle said, the other people are too busy with their own training to even look anyway and they probably don't think anything of it, it's just me being a bit self-conscious about my physique still. Aaaaaanyway today I didn't care much and practiced happily for a while. It didn't work as well as last time, much more wobbly, but I don't mind that yet. Have to allow for some time to get back into it and I trained so  yay :)

 

Then the stretching, which I love the most out of training. The feel of the warm muscles lengthening again and in some ways more than before is just soooooooooo nice!!

 

And as I was about to head to the showers, I ran into the trainer, so I could not refrain from boasting that I manage my 3 rounds now so well :D I told him about switching to some one-handed swings with the kettlebell which he seemed to approve of and asked for any other ideas how to juice the circuit up some more. As I'm not that fond of the punching bag, he showed me a new exercise to use as alternative. It's a long heavy bar that is anchored on the floor and can be loaded with free weight discs. You lift it over your head and then from there lower to the left side until hands point down, bring back up again and lower to the right side and so on. Hips stay centered, facing forward, but the arms go through a series of motions here and it seems to me, this will strengthen not just the arms, but my wrists as well. I tried a few reps with 5kg loaded and felt it working my whole body, so I guess that will be a new challenge from here on :) 

 

I also asked him about the shoulder mobility and apart from some stretches (which I had already started to do again after every training) he suggested that I swing the bulgarian bag around myself at shoulder height. Boy, that is challenging too!! I can see the range of motion for the shoulder being a good one and I like how it will strengthen at the same time, because that bag weighs 10 kg and is not as easy to swing as it looks.

I'll be a total badass after a few months there :lol: 

So as you can tell I am pretty happy about training this week.

 

The other parts are mostly going great too. Water is getting easier and easier. I've had my 2 liters in by 2pm today and yesterday I had 2.5 in total as well. This morning I skipped breakfast without worries, so my food break was 16 hours despite a late supper yesterday, yay.


This morning after my meditation I read in bed instead of playing games and started on a habit scorecard

 

The only thing still lagging behind is the editing of my meditation recordings.

I'll have to kick myself into that today still.

 

Yesterday was doc time for my dad again and we combined it so my mom could go shopping so long with me driving all her groceries home. Doc was happy about my dads eye healing fine, so my dad was happy too and my mom was very happy about the shopping  - happy people all around, yay


It was really good to see, because there are days where they are driving me up the wall with some things and I seriously don't know how my sister copes living in the same house, she is a saint to me.  They are really sweet people and I love them, don't get me wrong. But there had been some days now, where keeping them from forgetting important things and staying patient when they don't want to be bothered with too much at once, was challenging me way more than any workout ever could. But yesterday was great, so yay.

Also I don't have to take anyone to any doctor until Tuesday, no kid, no parent, no-one  - bliss!

 

tumblr_o78kj7K8zk1ry46hlo1_400.gif


After the successful morning with my parents I tackled defrosting the freezer part of the fridge and cleaning the whole fridge out - procrastination monster is being kept at bay nicely, see :D And thinking of that, I also finally opened up the lowest board that is just the front below all the kitchen utilities to search for a possible inhabitant down there. There have been these tiny black things next to the waste bucket underneath the kitchen sink for a week or two now, maybe longer and they look suspiciously like mouse poop to us. The fact that nearly every morning a piece of cheese left overs or pop corn or the like was lying next to the basket in the middle of the droppings makes it even more likely. 

 

Yet when I opened that board that runs along the whole length of the kitchen and checked, there was nothing - no one. Hmmm. We fetched the cats to go search, but they didn't find anything either. Which doesn't say too much as they can be a bit useless at times when it comes to hunting. I don't know how many times we've a mouse run through the house that they brought in, played with and then it escaped them again. Huh, maybe it was one of those housing comfortably for a while in the kitchen... Anyway nothing to be found then. We left it open in the hope it will chase whoever lives/d there off or that the cats will catch it after all. 

 

Apart from that kitchen and fridge are sparkling neat, laundry mountains are nearly all the way down and I have run out of household chores to put before work :P 
Is that a good problem to have or what?

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I really like the idea of letting your habits embody how you want to be and to fall in love in the process! It’s been on my mind a lot lately, I should probably actually read the book that’s been sitting around. :P 

 

Also, you already ARE strong and graceful! And there’s nothing wrong with tummy squish! Not lack thereof.

 

Yay for headstand wins!

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19 minutes ago, Mad Hatter said:

I really like the idea of letting your habits embody how you want to be and to fall in love in the process! It’s been on my mind a lot lately, I should probably actually read the book that’s been sitting around. :P 

 

which book is that? Same one by chance?

 

20 minutes ago, Mad Hatter said:

Also, you already ARE strong and graceful!

 

Awww, thanks, you're so sweet. But the people shown on those clips are super defined all over and it just looks sooooooo beautiful! I want that toooooooooooo

 

lhjhbB9.gif

 

22 minutes ago, Mad Hatter said:

Yay for headstand wins!

 

yay ^_^

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Yeah same book!

 

It is it that they look beautiful or the things that they can do that make them look beautiful? Don’t forget that form follows function, not the other way around. :) Maybe you you need to find inspiration from more diverse sources? I certainly had to get rid of everything that smelled of fitspo. It’s true it’s hard to find say high level pole dancers that are not super lean but they do exist and they’re just as badass and beautiful.

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55 minutes ago, Mad Hatter said:

It is it that they look beautiful or the things that they can do that make them look beautiful? Don’t forget that form follows function, not the other way around. :) Maybe you you need to find inspiration from more diverse sources? I certainly had to get rid of everything that smelled of fitspo. It’s true it’s hard to find say high level pole dancers that are not super lean but they do exist and they’re just as badass and beautiful.

Gonna echo Hats, here. I suspect that if my badass, beautiful, squishy body was doing something cool, you wouldn't be worrying about me looking a particular way. It might be time to afford yourself the same grace.

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Great start to your challenge. Your workout sounds fun and interesting. I found it interesting about the Bulgarian bag for mobility. I  can't even get close with the behind the arm shoulder stretch. I've done lots of work on it, and seen very little improvement.

 

Thanks for your thoughts on Atomic Habits. I've thought about getting the book. It sounds like it is worth the read. I find myself turning even things I enjoy like crafts or workouts into a chore.

 

Agreeing with Annyshay on being proud that your body can do cool stuff. And a confession, and reminder that that attitude won't really change magically when you lose weight. I still struggle with that. When I post videos, I still sometimes look at my tummy and think it looks too squishy, and have to talk myself into posting. I'm happy with my weight, and my body, it's just sometimes work too overcome those negative thought habits. And one of the best ways, is to just do what you did. Tell that negative thought where to go, and go ahead and be your badass self.

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3 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Yeah same book!

 

How cool! Am curious on your thoughts on this.

One of my favorite meditation teachers who is really amazing in helping people heal from all kinds of things, also always says "It's not about the result. It's about who you become in the process." I seem to need this message loud and often :D

 

3 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

It is it that they look beautiful or the things that they can do that make them look beautiful?

 

Both. The gym I go to offers indoor and outdoor courses, so their videos show a lot of people training in nature and it's like watching the people from GMB or MovNat. Like the one guy balancing a beautiful one handed handstand for a while and then switching seamlessly to the other side and doing all kinds of awesome things. Sigh I could watch for hours.

The girls they show are amazing as well. The one on the peg board demonstrating how to train with it sideways, vertically, ... she is really powerful to watch as well. And, yes, beautiful to look at too.

 

3 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Don’t forget that form follows function, not the other way around. :) 

 

Excellent point. I do forget that :D 

 

3 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Maybe you you need to find inspiration from more diverse sources? I certainly had to get rid of everything that smelled of fitspo. It’s true it’s hard to find say high level pole dancers that are not super lean but they do exist and they’re just as badass and beautiful.

 

Oh but pole dancers aren't really slim either. They are lean in the sense of being nearly all muscle, but most of the really good ones are not slim. That is something I found super attractive actually about the sport. Look at Marlo Fisken for instance, nothing petite about her! She is as graceful as any ballerina and so strong and solid at the same time - it blows me away every time. Nothing squishy on her though :P 

Now you're probably going to say that she trains for hours every day and form follows function, yeah yeah, I probably should be reasonable here.... I just don't feel like it right now :P 

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2 hours ago, annyshay said:

Gonna echo Hats, here. I suspect that if my badass, beautiful, squishy body was doing something cool, you wouldn't be worrying about me looking a particular way. It might be time to afford yourself the same grace.

 

ouch, that is too true! You totally go me there.... gonna have to go and try and find a way out of this, waaaaaaaah!
It's TOTALLY different when it's other people, especially personal hero friends!!!

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8 minutes ago, lucky fire dragon said:

 

ouch, that is too true! You totally go me there.... gonna have to go and try and find a way out of this, waaaaaaaah!
It's TOTALLY different when it's other people, especially personal hero friends!!!

*hugs*

 

I'm totally working on this too. It's very challenging, but I have faith in your HUGE HEART.

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1 hour ago, Elastigirl said:

Great start to your challenge. Your workout sounds fun and interesting. I found it interesting about the Bulgarian bag for mobility. I  can't even get close with the behind the arm shoulder stretch. I've done lots of work on it, and seen very little improvement.

 

Thank you! Which stretches have you done so far? Trainer said it's two things that come into play here, something running along the elbow as I understood it and then the shoulder mobility. I think I will aim for the shoulder for now as I need that for pole anyway and if that doesn't do it ask him again about the other part. 

 

1 hour ago, Elastigirl said:

 

Thanks for your thoughts on Atomic Habits. I've thought about getting the book. It sounds like it is worth the read. I find myself turning even things I enjoy like crafts or workouts into a chore.

 

I find it very worth the read yes. It's easy to read and quite straight to the point so far. Today I read about the Japanese railway workers who check safety procedures calling out all of their checks. Like calling out "The light is green" and pointing to it when they check for that. It results in fewer mistakes being made, even if it might seem silly to state the obvious.

That can be a good strategy for habits we are not sure about if we want to keep them going or maybe even stopping us from performing a habit that we know won't serve longterm but have a craving for right now.

He also suggests, one looking at the craving part of our habits, not just trigger, response and reward. That's interesting. I'm sometimes not even sure what my craving is. Some change of state, yes, but from what to what exactly? It's giving me a lot of food for thought.

What I find hard is tracking my habits over the day. My days don't have enough routine schedule to do that. I can list a few things straight after waking up that are mostly the same every day, but from then on it differs from day to day. So I'm still trying to figure out a personal alternative. Maybe note the habits around things that repeat daily, even if at different hours, like the meal times and the time right before bed etc

 

That's a shame when crafts turn to chores :( maybe if you bring the child in you back for that one? Let her play a bit differently then habits would make you do? Experiment, be curious and rediscover what made you start that craft in the beginning?

 

1 hour ago, Elastigirl said:

 

Agreeing with Annyshay on being proud that your body can do cool stuff. And a confession, and reminder that that attitude won't really change magically when you lose weight. I still struggle with that. When I post videos, I still sometimes look at my tummy and think it looks too squishy, and have to talk myself into posting. I'm happy with my weight, and my body, it's just sometimes work too overcome those negative thought habits. And one of the best ways, is to just do what you did. Tell that negative thought where to go, and go ahead and be your badass self.

 

Thanks so much for this! And thank you all of you, you are totally right of course. And yet, as you say @Elastigirl it's not an easy attitude to change. I do want to use some of it to kick me back into the exercise habit again, but I do also want to focus more on the fun part of the badass action itself.

 

Am a bit scared to go back on the pole again, but will go soon, to kick that hurdle as well :)

 

You guys team bullied me into having to rethink my self image now :lol: :love_heart:

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Reflection on Atomic Habits

 

Short story: setting specific times and dates is already working well for fitness, now I need to do it for work and some other things as well

Long story: behind spoiler

 

Spoiler

 

Stating intentions clearly - Note to Self: DO IT FOR WORK not just for FITNESS

 

When reading the chapter about people setting time and place of a certain action up front and it making them more likely to do it, I thought yes, yes, of course and waved it aside as I was thinking of going to the gym and how I am already doing that there. I've set my days (Mon and Thu), I tell hubby that I will be going and try and make him come along as often as possible and even the time is clear (Mon and Thu it's 8 am, if I have to replace one with Sat it's 9am)

 

What hit me strongly last night rereading that passage was: I need to do this for work! Work is the part coming short again right now. I have phases where I am working really well and consistent, but then the household gets a bit neglected, the kids maybe even as well and my fitness certainly does. Now I am in the other phase again. Household, family things and fitness are going well, but work is neglected.

 

Will I ever manage to keep that all running? Surely it is doable!

 

I don't even have that much work at the moment. Oh well, I could work more, for instance hubby's book for his English students needs translating and our own kids would benefit from the grammar hacks in it as well. Also there is still the idea of a meditation book or at least booklet out there.... I could work plenty, but I first have to catch up the things for the current courses.
If I only look at what is currently going on and due, it is totally doable - theoretically :P 

 

So I better start setting appointments for that. Without losing the gym appointments! And without neglecting kids and household...
Might have to plan the work dates from week to week though, while aiming for times that can be repeated to make it easier. But without the appointments it simply does not happen.

 

AND I want to use this for youngest homework and things as well. We had a good start on that today already. On Friday she was so exhausted from the school week, that I didn't make her do anything in the afternoon. Yesterday I gave her plenty of free time as well (to be honest partly because it also meant free time for me :P ) but she did most of her homework without prompting, which is great. Today she has to study some things though, if we want to avoid panic and stress later on in the week. So I set a time with her this morning for when she can sit for her IT homework on hubby's computer (he's the only one who got excel on, I use open office) and we both stuck to it, yay. 
Turns out she can't remember the school task, but a school mate who lives close by can, so said mate is now here doing it with her, double yay for me :D 

 

 

 

 

 

Reflections on food and drink habits

 

Short story: drinking my 2 liters of water or more per day seems to have many benefits
Long story: behind spoiler

 

Spoiler

I think that regular water intake is beginning to make a difference. Shark week has hit and though I was somewhat tired yesterday and sluggish (once at home), I had that awesome workout in the morning no worries and I had way more energy than usually on the first days of shark week. Also cravings were less.


On Friday I bought a fresh crate of beer along with a general massive shopping, stocking up on all the longer-term things. So as it is with a fresh crate standing there, of course it basically calls to have one.


Cue - fresh, full crate
Craving - nice taste and relaxation of beer on weekends
Behavior - take one
Reward - first sips were really nice, the rest not so much ???


Yesterday I fell for the same thing again. Made some roasted sandwiches in the machine for hubby and me - maybe not the best food choice I know, but hey I stuck to my schedule and had few other carbs that day and anyway am beginning to wonder, how bad carbs are for me at all, but that's a different topic... I am straying off here. Anyway I thought a small beer might be the perfect addition to those sandwiches and what happens? Same thing. First few sips are really nice, along the rest me thinks "I don't even really feel like this? Why did I open it?"


Is that some natural health instinct kicking in here?

It's not like beer is such great nutrition ;) I do tend towards it when I am hungry, which makes sense, in the middle ages it fully counted as food for a reason. But there are better ways to settle hunger nowadays, really. And I always end up with an extra kg on the scale the next morning. It's just water, but it's not needed. So if I don't even like it so much anymore, maybe I can drop it?  

 


Another "treat" that is beginning to not be that delicious anymore, is my usual cup of Assam blend with milk and sugar. There are times I can't (or don't want to) start the day without it and also have a huge craving for it after lunch. Now I often make it from habit only to find, I don't even like that particular taste right now. Huh?

 
I think it has to do with the regular water intake, because I remember having had a time like this before and it was during a period where I did work out regularly and watched my water intake as well. I don't understand why it is exactly, but hey who needs all the knowledge, as long as that is the effect, I better remember it.


Also the water intake definitely lowers my hunger feelings. I know that we sometimes mix it up. In "Your body many cries for water" which is an excellent book btw that I read many years ago, the author was explaining how we sometimes feel hungry when actually what we are is thirsty. On short term experiments I can't say I notice it, but after several weeks of good water intake, I do see it.
Now when I have a glass of water before ... (the tea, the beer, the chocolate, you name it) cravings often subside completely. Isn't that wonderful? Because I do feel a lot better after the water in comparison to the other things, even though it lacks the pleasure of taste at the moment.


I want to experiment now with having a big glass of water now in the mornings instead of the habitual cup of tea. But yeah the lack of yummy taste is a significant disadvantage. Don't get me wrong, fresh clear water does taste real nice - but all the time... it gets a bit boring.

 

What does taste nice still, so I treat myself to that from time to time is that hot chocolate with guarana that is sold as a coffee alternative to wake one up. Especially the mint flavored one is soooooo nice! So I melt it in hot water and mix enough milk in for taste without it cooling down too quickly. Is this a sneaky way to keep the sweets addiction going or is it a sensible switch to a somewhat healthier alternative? After all it's got cocoa :lol:


No idea, but hey I got invited to the Intuitive Eating crowd and will follow my body's promptings here for now. It did prompt me to slow down on the sweet tea and beer, so it's obviously on a healthy track already, right?


 

 

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16 hours ago, lucky fire dragon said:

Both. The gym I go to offers indoor and outdoor courses, so their videos show a lot of people training in nature and it's like watching the people from GMB or MovNat. Like the one guy balancing a beautiful one handed handstand for a while and then switching seamlessly to the other side and doing all kinds of awesome things. Sigh I could watch for hours.

The girls they show are amazing as well. The one on the peg board demonstrating how to train with it sideways, vertically, ... she is really powerful to watch as well. And, yes, beautiful to look at too.

To me it really sounds like it’s much more about what they do rather than how they look. It’s beautit to watch because they move beautifully! :) I think it might be worth focusing on that and maybe try to find different people that you admire that don’t look like that. If for no other reason than as a challenge to yourself, to see if you can tell difference.

 

16 hours ago, lucky fire dragon said:

Oh but pole dancers aren't really slim either. They are lean in the sense of being nearly all muscle, but most of the really good ones are not slim. That is something I found super attractive actually about the sport. Look at Marlo Fisken for instance, nothing petite about her! She is as graceful as any ballerina and so strong and solid at the same time - it blows me away every time. Nothing squishy on her though :P 

Now you're probably going to say that she trains for hours every day and form follows function, yeah yeah, I probably should be reasonable here.... I just don't feel like it right now :P 

That’s why I used the word lean, not slim. ;) 

I’m such a Marlo fan girl I’d honestly be happy to watch her for hours even if she wasn’t lean anymore! Something to think about for you maybe, would you suddenly think differently of her if she put on 10 kg? 

As an aside, from her IG stalking I’m not so sure she trains for hours, but rather she MOVES all the time (she’s very influenced by Katy Bowman in that sense) But you have to remember that her whole lifestyle are radically different from your, there’s really no comparison.

 

16 hours ago, lucky fire dragon said:

You guys team bullied me into having to rethink my self image now :lol: :love_heart:

Good. :P Honestly it just stood out to me so much because you have such a positive spirit towards the mind and towards other people so when you talked about hiding your tummy and letting looks stop you from doing things it just doesn’t seem like you at all, but like you’re echoing cultural thought patterns because you “should”.

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Assorted comments:

 

- When you do get to work, do you always work effectively? I’m just curious because you only mentioned work quantity and not quality.

- If you do get a craving for beer maybe split it with your guy so you don’t have to drink the whole thing? But only if actually tastes good! If it’s only for the sensation it sounds like it’s not worth it.

- Carbs are great! They provide energy and without them you can’t produce serotonin. And without serotonin you won’t feel satisfied from your food and will want to keep eating more. So eat your sandwich. :) 

- If you want hot chocolate then drink it! You don’t have to justify it by saying it’s got good cocoa. Sometimes you’ll want hot chocolate, some other times you’ll want tea, sometimes water. It’s all good!

 

 

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5 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Good. :P Honestly it just stood out to me so much because you have such a positive spirit towards the mind and towards other people so when you talked about hiding your tummy and letting looks stop you from doing things it just doesn’t seem like you at all, but like you’re echoing cultural thought patterns because you “should”.

THIS

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6 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

To me it really sounds like it’s much more about what they do rather than how they look. It’s beautit to watch because they move beautifully! :) I think it might be worth focusing on that and maybe try to find different people that you admire that don’t look like that. If for no other reason than as a challenge to yourself, to see if you can tell difference.

 

I don't know. This whole topic is quite layered to me. I feel bad for judging weight and yet I honestly do just feel the lean muscle is so much prettier... am I bad person for it? I also realize when it comes to people I know, the shape is way less important to me than with people I don't know. 

 

6 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

 

That’s why I used the word lean, not slim. ;) 

I’m such a Marlo fan girl I’d honestly be happy to watch her for hours even if she wasn’t lean anymore! Something to think about for you maybe, would you suddenly think differently of her if she put on 10 kg? 

 

Let me see it and I will tell you :D Just kidding, I hear you and I know what you aim at and while I can't remember who it was, I remember seeing someone in a larger size moving with most beautiful grace, so yes there is that.

In any case, it's probably two different things for me yes, the movement where I can work on the strength and grace easier and the image in the mirror or right in front of me. When I am fully occupied with moving I am usually completely fine (unless I fail then not obviously :P ) but there are times when the gained weight just jumps into my vision or feeling and I don't like it one bit. When my tummy flops down in shoulderstand I can't breathe as well for instance and I hate that. Or I can't stretch in plough stretch - I can't do that properly when I have those few extra kilos around my middle and yet it's one of my favorites for my back. Those are practical dislikes on the times of weight gain that don't even have to do with any image.

 

6 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

As an aside, from her IG stalking I’m not so sure she trains for hours, but rather she MOVES all the time (she’s very influenced by Katy Bowman in that sense) But you have to remember that her whole lifestyle are radically different from your, there’s really no comparison.

 

The lifestyle thing is what I meant. Nice inspiration, but no point at this time in my life (if ever) comparing. It's just beautiful inspiration and I am very grateful for her existence for that. Isn't she amazing? :love-struck:

 

6 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

 

Good. :P Honestly it just stood out to me so much because you have such a positive spirit towards the mind and towards other people so when you talked about hiding your tummy and letting looks stop you from doing things it just doesn’t seem like you at all, but like you’re echoing cultural thought patterns because you “should”.

 

Funny enough that is what bugs me here the most :D yes, I am overall very cheerful a person and kindness comes easy to me, especially when it concerns other people. And I often feel light and sparkly and still like that petite thing I was in my younger years. Maybe that is what it is idk, but often I look in the mirror and get a kind of shock thinking "this isn't me! This doesn't look like I feel?" I look too serious and ... idk... strange. Don't really have the words for it.

 

So when the other day it hit me, that yes of course this doesn't look like me, because it's just the wrapper and not who I am, it helped a lot. Of course my body won't stay the same over the years and I don't even want the teenage body back either, more like an in between, if I could choose it. But the main point is, the way my body looks doesn't represent who I am and I keep forgetting that! 

In the past I sometimes got real harsh on it. Believe me, it's way better already. It didn't work anyway :lol: I learned to work more "with" my body instead of "for" it, because the well meaning "for" it was sometimes neglecting the body feedback and went a bit overboard. Also I got so result oriented in terms of weight and sizes that I tensed up in general and was way less fun to be around. Not very sexy indeed ;) 

 

These are basically the remnants that are still there and yes, they might be conditioned by societal standards, most likely are. In any case, I have to find a way to make peace with where I am at the moment and work with what I have. 

 

I am also very aware that when I am a few decades older, the teeny worries of now will seem completely ridiculous as shape will be so unimportant to me then. Because I will hopefully be a lot wiser by then :) And then I will wonder why I wasted any precious life time about silly things like this.

 

I think I will aim for the "wrapper" image of my body for now. It's the home I have for my essence here in this world. It's not point defining myself by it, but it's very much worth treating respectfully and in the most healthy ways, because it is actually my most loyal friend from the beginning of my time. Despite all my shortcomings and judgement. I am deeply grateful for that.

 

And I will keep aiming for the fun withing the exercises as such. That is something that I can have here and now, and the journey is the goal. I won't let go of the intention of slimming down some though as I do feel so much more comfortable in my own skin with a few kilos less. No matter what you say :P Let's see how to combine it all in a healthy mix.

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6 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

Assorted comments:

 

- When you do get to work, do you always work effectively? I’m just curious because you only mentioned work quantity and not quality.

 

Quality matters most when I deal with people personally and that usually comes easy to me. I am good at reading their response and adjusting accordingly in the moment. Even without them in front of me (like on the meditation webinars without face cams) I can usually tap into the mood of the group well and do a good job. I'm not tracking that, because I am not worried about that. It works well.

What gets neglected is work without an appointment like editing the recordings of the meditation webinars (cutting out the odd background noise and then uploading the mp3 version on my online course area of my website) and recordings of the retreat extracts that I guided (same procedure, just different website part). Those take time and not much focus and I simply don't do them regularly enough to stay on top. I wait "until I have time" and then the time doesn't ring the bell of course. It just slips by unnoticed and unused between the other things going on in my life. I am sure I can make the time for it and when I do I usually really enjoy relistening anyway. Heck, I sometimes marvel about the clever things I said, like "did I say that? I better remember that, it was a good point" :lol: 

But it somehow doesn't happen on its own...

 

6 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

- If you do get a craving for beer maybe split it with your guy so you don’t have to drink the whole thing? But only if actually tastes good! If it’s only for the sensation it sounds like it’s not worth it.

 

My thoughts exactly. Pondered having a sip of hubby's beer at lunch for that reason but wanted the water more.

Made up for it with a glass of wine though later on :D and it was lovely!

 

6 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

- Carbs are great! They provide energy and without them you can’t produce serotonin. And without serotonin you won’t feel satisfied from your food and will want to keep eating more. So eat your sandwich. :) 

 

 

Hah! Didn't know that and yes, mam, I will ^_^ We stuck to nuts today though... played card games with hubby and the kids and ate so much no one needs supper anymore. I don't know when last I cracked so many walnuts!!

 

Carbs also seem to trigger the Leptin hormone - do I remember that right? So if one goes low carb for a while and then has some carbs in between it seems to be more efficient in weight loss than low carb all the way through. I don't know, the more I read about this stuff, the more it looks to me like: eat all the foods in reasonable amounts and the less processed the better, but don't be scared of anything.

 

Then there is the placebo / nocebo  factor. If I am convinced something will help me and take it regularly, the body acts accordingly and it will really help me. If that works for morphine as the body's own pain killers, surely it works for metabolism as well? My placebo might just be water :lol: 

 

6 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

 

 

- If you want hot chocolate then drink it! You don’t have to justify it by saying it’s got good cocoa. Sometimes you’ll want hot chocolate, some other times you’ll want tea, sometimes water. It’s all good!

 

 

 

Don't worry, I will! Had two big cups of hot chocolate today and now what happened: the second cup stopped tasting nice after half of it!!!

I might just have to look into smaller cups, I guess :) 

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This weight discussion hit me like a brick out of the blue over the past days. Fellow rebels talking me into making more friends with the idea of big being beautiful is really hard for me. Of course I think it beautiful on some people (there are some big people I don't regard as beautiful the same as there are some slim people I don't regard as beautiful either), especially on people that are dear to me, it is connected to who they are to me. They are totally beautiful inside and out and I love them.

When it comes to me myself it is a different issue though. I still like to think of myself as slender and when I don't look it it shocks me and throws me off balance. It's silly, because it's a least 10 years, that I am not really that slender anymore, but memory is stubborn. I had not realized how much. 

 

I am also not really sure if I want to get adjusted to my current size (which isn't even that big, I know) because then I might not have the motivation to change it anymore and I know, I do feel better with some kilos less. I know from experience how I feel happier with less weight and more muscle. I know that when I give in to the extra pounds  too much, I get sluggish, so it doesn't just get worse but it dulls me down as well. Is that why I am defending my viewpoint here so much? Or am I defending something that doesn't even help me?

 

I'm not entirely sure. Yet just saying yes, I'll go look for bigger sized role models triggers huge resistance within me. It's no point working against that, I won't do it whole heartedly. I don't really know how to phase this well and I really don't want to hurt anyone's feelings on this. I hope you understand me despite the lack of good words here.

 

Yes, I can see the point of me wanting to look good to myself and others, I obviously want to adapt to some societal standards and that has nothing to do with authenticity and maybe therefor it's so easy to stress over and so hard to find lasting joy in. 

 

Personal wins: I did the things anyway. I'm showing up in the gym with a ridiculous looking pony tail (my hair is still too short for it, but I hate it sticking to my neck when I sweat), with sports bras that don't flatter me at all but are the most comfy, my tummy shows and I keep doing the shoulderstands and headstands anyway.

This week I'll go train on the pole as well. And I will look into those mirrors and move as beautifully and gracefully as I bloody well can. Hah!

 

And then I'll take it from there.

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Hmm, rereading my own words I realize there are those days when I question my inner beauty and loveability as well. So maybe it's not just a shape issue at stake here....

There are times where I am completely at ease with myself, especially after a nice meditation or work session, when having had a great day with the kids or having been there for others in satisfying ways. In meditation I can also feel the love life itself has for me and how I am perfectly wonderful just the way I am.

 

But that is obviously not the mental state I am in when checking the mirror :P 

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