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Heidi

Heidi: Witness

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This is the first challenge I have followed you, so I knew virtually nothing of your back story coming in to this. A comment made on DarK_RaideR's thread prompted me to look at some of your old challenges. I still don't have a full picture of everything that's happened to you over the last couple years (and am not asking you to provide one, I can archive binge at some point), I have learned enough to know you've been through the wringer. I want to let you know I'm here for support in whatever way will be helpful to you.

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28 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

I have learned enough to know you've been through the wringer.

I have indeed, and it is still ongoing. I refer to it as TheOrdeal, and it feels as though lifetimes of karmic debt are being paid.

This might sound lovely -- I assure you, it is not.

 

I hope the scales will balance soon. I am getting weary, and the NotFighting takes epic amounts of Spirit.

 

In the meantime, there are papers in abundance to write and the halls of education continue to hold me and to call to me.

If all the wands that ever were went off in my direction, I would own a private library that would have a soup counter and have a collection geared toward supporting writers. It's not very sophisticated, I grant you. But not all dreams are meant to be sophisticated, which is okay too.

 

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Some things:

I believe that grace is in our daily lives and in our choices if we so choose.

There is grace in integrity, a grace of dignity if we choose to make commitments and live by them.

There is grace in simplicity, a grace of elegance in finding the least that we need and living in that arc between too much and too little, an elegance to enough.

There is a grace to ongoing revelation, a grace of intimacy that comes only when there is an abundance of mystery without secrecy

There is a grace to presence, a grace of identity that happens when we are still enough to witness without ego.

 

This is how a utilitarian taoist cyberpunk monk ends up in the silent meeting of the Religious Society of Friends.

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Did somebody say Cyberpunk Monk?

 

86ffe65cadfc7f0d63d5bd39aa127b61.jpg

 

I know we're only recently acquainted, Heidi, but I feel I've been remiss in failing to comment on how much I adore your titles in your signature - especially Financial Freedom Fighter and Minimalism Yoda.  Those two speak to me!

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==== From Yesterday===

Court was non-court.

The attorneys got together, decided on a continuance, and came up with an agreement for how things will go forward in the interim. We are continuing with weekly visits at the therapist's office and transitioning the weekend visits to every other week for two hours instead of one hour each week. The visits will occur at a rotation of three libraries.

 

When the therapist is unavailable, the weekly visit will occur at a library in deference to my work schedule. I will get to see

Vivian on Christmas Day for two hours at an as-yet-undetermined location (I'm figuring a nice Chinese restaurant).

The next hearing is in March.

I'm doing JustFineThankYou.

I'm looking forward to falling apart later; for now this is all just fine and can be worked with.

The other attorney is drafting an order since the Guardian Ad Litem hasn't drafted one from the October ruling yet (she's notoriously unable to get an order drafted -- it's embarrassing at best).

=======

==== From Today===

This morning's stint at the library was centering; I continue to like the simple wonderfulness that is making books available to patrons.

This evening I have an appointment to interview for a house to clean on a regular basis, and then an office visitation with Vivian.

I did indeed have a nice, controlled falling apart yesterday, complete with friendship and food and then a bath and rest. It was the perfect way to decompress.

I'm about to take a nap now, because they are awesome and because Waging Peace is exhausting.

 

I don't know if I mentioned that my thesis mentor died on Thanksgiving, but he did, and the hole he left behind is significant. 
What's as impressive as the grief is the inspiration. I continue to have more to say for having known him, and I keep writing.

The Ph.D. essay gets another pass before I send it in. And the statement of purpose is in the works.

I'm looking forward to applying, even if it is to one of the most competitive programs in the country.

 

An author sent me a couple books, along with a lovely personal note, and they were on the doorstep when I came home from court.

Because the Universe knows that timing matters.

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13 hours ago, Rurik Harrgath said:

Did somebody say Cyberpunk Monk?

 

86ffe65cadfc7f0d63d5bd39aa127b61.jpg

 

I know we're only recently acquainted, Heidi, but I feel I've been remiss in failing to comment on how much I adore your titles in your signature - especially Financial Freedom Fighter and Minimalism Yoda.  Those two speak to me!

Hi, @Rurik Harrgath, Pleased to meet you!

Have some tea.

giphy.gif

 

I'm glad you like the titles. In fact, I made the so long ago, I had more or less forgotten about them, so thanks for reminding me. 

I have indeed come a long way.

The journey is just beginning.

Feel free to join in, and either way, enjoy the tea.

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On 12/13/2018 at 1:19 PM, Heidi said:

Hi, @Rurik Harrgath, Pleased to meet you!

Have some tea.

giphy.gif

 

I'm glad you like the titles. In fact, I made the so long ago, I had more or less forgotten about them, so thanks for reminding me. 

I have indeed come a long way.

The journey is just beginning.

Feel free to join in, and either way, enjoy the tea.

 

Much obliged!

 

tumblr_nwi343SQgZ1ubatowo1_400.gif

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Had a few very emotional days in a row.

 

Monday: a surprise storm of Deep Grieving for David Foster Wallace hitting me Monday morning (I will probably always be torn up and mad at him in equal measure and the two together just do me in sometimes.  I know it sounds strange to grieve this way for someone I never met. Believe me anyway.) Followed by some great writing.

 

An interview in the afternoon.

 

Tuesday: a telling about some very difficult parts of my 

late  teenage years Tuesday night. The narrative is dark and dramatic enough that my only response is to flatten out emotionally when I tell it. And it was a written telling, so when the emotions did wash over me afterwards, I was physically alone. It made it a hard night indeed.

 

I'm spent emotionally.

 

I have the essay that I need to finish the current draft of and to wrap up the application for the dissertation. I can feel self doubt trying to fool this endeavor and that would be sad.

 

I have the structure for the launch of the capital campaign January 5. I have a bit of blurb writing to do for it yet. It will be a GoFundMe, since I'm too overwhelmed by all the moving parts of managing the fundraising itself.

 

This morning in the predawn I'm listening to the Awakening playlist that I put together

 

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18 minutes ago, T2sarahconnor said:

Howdy stranger.  I have missed you and thought of you often.  Can't wait to catch up.  I am doing a holiday mini then will be back in full force for the next challenge.  

Hey hey hey!! 

Can't wait to follow you and catch up.

Looking forward to some dynamic duo awesomeaucity in 2019.

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Completed the application to WashU, even though I felt like I was futzing with it too much. Still, I was relieved that it was done and I could get around to doing all that Nothing that I had planned

 

In the process, I dropped a note to the director of the nearby doctoral program in intersectional ethics and society, and got invited to send an abstract for the upcoming conference in March (even though the deadline is nearly a month gone) and to come visit the week of Jan 7 to discuss coming to the PhD program for the Fall.

 

The universe is talking to me, I think.

 

I sent the abstract for the revised paper that I presented in 2016 (calling for a fourth wave of feminism that deconstructs corporate culture and our American wealth-based notion of success) and crafted a new proposal (21st century information ecology presents increasing stratification of access in society and how urban planning and Libraries in particular can level the playing field).

 

Looks like I'll be presenting March 21-23 in Blacksburg. Fingers crossed to get accepted to the panel and to the program.

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Got word that I will be presenting.

Have an appointment to interview / discuss PhD program with the director on Monday at 2 pm.

 

Wish me luck.

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Happy (partial) solar eclipse!

I'm drafting up the language for the GoFundMe for my charitable organization today.

Super nervous, but I believe it's the right thing to do.

 

#lifegoals

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