Vulnerabilities - TiffanyD Moves Forward

[.TIFF]

So this year ended with the most difficult life situation I have ever experienced.  My SO and I experienced a loss that has no words, and this is my best effort to move through the feelings I am dealing with while also trying to look ahead.

 

This week has strictly been about physically resting, doc and boyfriends orders.  The SO even came home a couple hours after getting to work on Tuesday to make sure I sat on my ass, which I am terrible at, but I realized my current limitation and am taking them seriously.  The plan is to move back into things slowly, starting with walking every day next week near the house.  This may just be 10 min at first, it all depends on if I feel weak or not since I really don't know how my body is going to react.  After Wednesday I will be re-assessing the situation and adding/subtracting based on how my body does.

 

Weekly Overview:

 

Monday - Made it home from the hospital, still very week from blood loss and cold is still bad.

 

Tuesday - Quite weak, taking out the trash increased heart rate substantially, sat on my ass afterwards like I should have, cold is still kicking my ass as well.  Slept in until around 7/7:30 am, had several grief episodes throughout the day, some quite intense.  

 

Wednesday - Cried a lot when I woke up, but talked with friends/family and literally cried on the SO's shoulder when he got home from work and felt a bit better.  Slept in again until about 7:30, got a few small things done around the house but still winded/light headed if I get up too quickly or move around too much in one sitting. Cold is getting better, and I'm not as sore overall.

 

Thursday - Cold is finally subsiding, and it's the last day of my antibiotics.  Only took cold medicine before bed, and pain meds twice today.  Still a bit lightheaded when I get up too quickly but I was able to put up the Christmas lights on the front of the house.  I stayed in bed very late this morning, getting up around 8:30 am, and laid down when I planned to go to the store and cried.  Didn't make it to the store like I was supposed to.  Starting to have thoughts on a career change/other bigger life changes.  I know some of this is comes with trauma so I am going to sit on these for a while at least before I really start acting on anything.

 

Today (Friday) - Cold is almost gone, still stuffed up with a bit of a dry feeling in my throat/cough.  Tonsils are not nearly as swollen from the anesthesia which is helping as well, but still on anti inflammatory (and Popsicle's) /pain meds to help with that and my other pain. Got up right away this morning (6:00 am).  Teared up when I woke up again, the mornings and when I am not busy seem to be the worst times for this.  Going to hit up the grocery store today and do a bit more light cleaning.  I put on my fitbit for the first time since this whole thing started, going to start tracking my heart rate more closely.  Weighed in at 180.8 this morning as well.

 

 

[DJtrippyT]

[.TIFF]

This weekend was fairly uneventful, I got some minor things done around the house.  Still healing/dealing with some pain but it's very manageable at this point.  Ate real breakfast 2 days in a row, going to try to keep that going although I have yet to eat today so I need to get on that now.  Saturday was really difficult to get through, it being the week anniversary of the shittiest day of my life, but things are getting easier to talk about so I believe I am moving in the right direction.

 

Goals for this week:

 

- Light exercise daily (some of the housework may count since it requires some extra elbow grease)

- Track eating and start getting it back on track (Popsicle's still ok whenever to keep my tonsils from swelling)

- Deep Cleaning House

   - Monday: Master Bedroom/Bath

   - Tuesday: Guest Bedroom/Bath/Hallway

   - Wednesday: Dining area and wrapping gifts

   - Thursday: Computer Room and Kitchen

   - Friday: Living room and tidy up everything else

   - Saturday: Front of the house

 

Also meeting the SO for lunch one day this week and getting the pups their christmas gifts as well as some last min stuff for my Mom and Step Dad since they are making the trip down here this year.

 

 

[DJtrippyT]

Just saying hi :-).  I tore my kitchen apart on Monday in a bout of reorganization, took two days to put it back together!

[.TIFF]

On 12/19/2018 at 9:27 PM, DJtrippyT said:

Just saying hi :-).  I tore my kitchen apart on Monday in a bout of reorganization, took two days to put it back together!

 

I got mine in decent order earlier this week, I even organized the dreaded junk drawer!

[.TIFF]

Tuesday I went out to lunch with the SO and finished up our Christmas shopping, the pups are getting spoiled again this year.  I found 2 of the giant rope balls that actually take Echo a bit to tear though, it was a damn good find.  And lady gets a new spiffy dog bed she probably won't use because even though her legs are bad she has to be in the chair.

 

The 3 hours of shopping and lunch really took the wind out of my sails though, and I felt like crap on Wed.  Thursday I felt less like junk but was in a funk all day until the SO got home.  We had a really good evening together, which I needed.

 

Today I have to catch up on cleaning because my Mom decided to head down a bit earlier than they planned, at least the guest room wasn't a complete mess to begin with so I don't have much to do upstairs anymore  

 

Going to attempt to hit up my Max trainer for 15 min today, steady state, not HIIT. And do some active stretching stuff to see where my core is at and if I have any discomfort doing the movements.

[.TIFF]

Well I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas/Holiday/Vacation and hopefully with the people you care about most in the world.  

 

So I finally have my plan moving forward, and a real reason to be motivated as well

 

I will be starting Strong Curves from scratch, using the beginner set at first.  I completed my first workout from it today and it will be sufficient in getting me back to where I was.  I may need to change up some of the weights/reps....  It was really depressing that 3 sets of 20 bodyweight squats killed me, my last set was 7 and my legs were shaking the rest of the workout, lol.... But in the words of my fav fake hockey coach, you have to be shitty to get better!

 

As far as the motivation part, I have decided the SO needs to become the Mr. and already got the ring.  I got us hockey tickets for early march which is probably the best way for everything to go down, or at least when we are back at the hotel after.  The Wild better get their shit together and win that night, lol.

[Sloth the Enduring]

Congratulations on the engagement.

 

Are you a fellow Minnesotan Miss Tiffany?

 

[.TIFF]

25 minutes ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

Congratulations on the engagement.

 

Are you a fellow Minnesotan Miss Tiffany?

 

 

 

Actually he is the Minnesotan, I am the Michigander....  While I grew up with the Red Wings I wasn't that attached so we are a Wild household, lol.

[.TIFF]

Oh and to clarify, we aren't engaged yet, I'm proposing to him cause this lady is sick of waiting.  Should be a terrifying, yet fun experience, lol.

[.TIFF]

Well I didn't get to my workout today, sick yet again :S and I didn't think the gym would appreciate me coughing and sneezing on all their equipment.  I did get in a decent amount of movement while also having a nice mani/pedi day with my mom.  Also made homemade ramen for dinner which is always awesome.

 

Hoping tomorrow the coughing/runny nose is out of the way and I can get in a solid workout.

[DJtrippyT]

just saying hi and hoping you're surrounded with goodness! big holiday hugs to you.

[.TIFF]

Went to the doc yesterday morning, and now I am on antibiotics and other stuff for the next 10 days.  Hoping it won't take that long to feel more normal but glad I at least have a plan to get rid of the cough.

 

My mom and step dad are heading out this morning, so the SO and I have a few days to ourselves before he heads back to work.  Next week I will start with some life planning, get back into regular workouts, and get my command center set up   There is a wall in the laundry "room" that I am going to add a big white board to that I found at Michael's.  It has a monthly calendar,  a few areas for lists for to-dos/needs, and I am going to get a small yearly calendar to put up as well so I actually know what is coming ahead.  Just trying to get a bit more organized since I may be heading back to college for a career change.

 

First Week of January To-Do's

 

- Command Center up and running

- Breakfast and Lunch game on point

- 3 Strong Curves Workouts

- 2-3 walks or Max Trainer Sessions (no time limit/requirement)

 

I also have my post op check-up this week with the doc, I think everything will be OK as I haven't had any complications but we did some genetic testing that I am hoping to hear back on.  Hopefully it's good news and what happened was just a bolt of lightning/bad luck.

 

 

 

[.TIFF]

Day 1 Measurements:

183.4 Lbs

Neck:           13.5
Chest:          39.5
Right Arm:   12.5
Left Arm:     12.25
Waist:           37.25
Hips:             45
Right Thigh: 27
Left Thigh:   27
Right Calf:    17.25
Left Calf:      17


Training plan for the week:

Monday: Strong Curves workout A and 30+ min steady state on max trainer
Tuesday: 2-3 mile walk
Wednesday: Strong Curves workout B and 30+ min steady state on max trainer
Thursday: Interval/HIIT Training
Friday: Strong Curves workout C and 30+ min steady state on max trainer
Saturday: 2-3 mile walk
Sunday: Rest Day

[.TIFF]

Day 1 - Strong Curves Complete

 

Glute Bridge - 3 sets of 20

Single Arm Row - 3 sets of 12 with a 20 lb KB

Bodyweight Squats - 3 sets of 20

Single arm floor press (was supposed to be bench but my new one hasn't arrived yet) 3 sets of 12 with 20 lb KB

Romanian Deadlift - 3 sets of 20 with 20 lb KB

Side Lying Abduction 1 set of 20 and 2 sets of 15... I feel muscles I have never felt before

Front Plank 1 set to failure

Side Plank - 1 set to failure

 

So my legs are more jello than I would like so I didn't jump on the max trainer, I will take the pup for a walk later this evening once it cools down though.

 

Also had a solid breakfast, 2 eggs, 1/2 cup egg whites, 1 slice sourdough (bakery) with less than a quarter tbs butter, and 1/2 avocado.

[.TIFF]

Yesterday I had another solid breakfast, 2 servings of the 365 brand chicken breakfast sausage, 1 cup farm made cottage cheese, and 1/2 avocado.  I also went for an approx 1 mile run/walk.  I would have gone further but the pup isn't used to full on walks/jogging so she was a bit out of her element and got tired pretty quick.

 

Today's post OP appointment went well, though not all the test results came back so I'm still waiting on that which is annoying but all in all I at least know I am healthy and have no complications from the procedure.  Talking about everything has made me a bit emotional today, and my doc expressed that I should at least go to one appointment with a counselor so I am going to set that up today/tomorrow.

 

My command center will be delayed until next week due to shipping, but I have my stuff ordered so I am still working towards it.

 

Today's food was way off key, no breakfast and Arby's for lunch, mainly due to my morning being way off in general since the SO was not feeling good last night.  I am going to get in a healthy/light dinner and measure out some healthy snack packs of carrots/fruit/pistachios so I don't go for bad stuff that is "easier" to grab. 

[.TIFF]

Today - Strong Curves Workout B

Bodyweight foot elevated single leg glute bridge - 3 sets of 15 per side
Front Lateral Raises - 3 sets of 12 with 5 lb dumbbells (will try to find the 8's at least for next time)
Bodyweight Step-ups - Step was mid thigh height since I am vertically challenged - 3 sets of 20
Standing Overhead Press - 1 set of 12 at 45 lb, 1 set of 10 at 55 lb because I couldn't hit 12, final set was 12 at 45 lb again
Cable Straight Leg Pull through - 2 sets first at 15 because I thought I needed to do 20, second at the 12 reps that I was supposed to stop at... was supposed to do a third but I either need a small box to do these on or find an alternative because I am too damn short. I finished off the sets with RDLs with 15 lb dumbbells.
Band Seated Abduction - need a better band for these because I didn't feel shit... 2 sets of 20
Straight Leg Sit ups - 3 sets of 20
Dumbbell Side Bends - 2 sets of 20 per side

Breakfast was more like brunch since I didn't eat until 11, 3 eggs, 1.3 servings turkey breakfast sausage and 2 slices of sourdough. Tonight's menu is 5 oz steaks with fried cabbage and a baked potato, and I am about to have a protein shake with almond milk.

[.TIFF]

Completed Stong Curves Workout C today after a fairly derailed weekend.  Still down a pound so I'm moving in the right direction at leaat.

 

I keep getting calls about my due date that will never come to be or things in the mail about my tests, or payments from my insurance and I fall into pieces and just want to hide.  I keep thinking I have everything together and I'm ok, and then some small thing happens that makes me realize I'm not really.  I worry about next week because I go back to work, but I think me staying home too long isn't great either...

[.TIFF]

Feeling better today, had a really nice evening with the SO last night, though our dinner was cheese and crackers which isn't ideal lol.

 

Today I am still sore from Monday, so a light workout and walk are in order.  I will edit this once I get my rear up and complete SC workout A for the week.

 

Lunch (skipped breakfast/was coffee) was healthy too, sauteed cabbage and mushrooms with some egg and couscous.

[Sloth the Enduring]

Everyone’s situation is different and I obviously went through this from a different perspective, but I can tell you that when we went through something similar it took a couple of years, at least, before we felt normalish again.

I hope everything goes well for you both as you move forward.

[.TIFF]

I am still here, and still working on my goals daily!

 

I bit the bullet and got an appointment with a therapist next week, even if it's to just make sure I am doing what I should do and in a healthy manor to get through it all.  I am also now back to work, so I have let things slip a bit so far this week.  It drained my energy a bit more than I anticipated, and I totally had a wine and tv night on the couch with the pups yesterday.

 

Goals for the rest of the week are as follows:

 

Get at least 2 good workouts in

Get some meal prep together so I stop eating out/not fantastic choices

Have a meal plan set for the coming week, with prep done for it

[.TIFF]

I am starting to slip on posting regularly :S

 

This week has gone alright, busy with work and trying to find balance again with chores, activities, working out, and hanging with the SO/fur fam.  It hasn't been perfect but it hasn't been horrible either.

 

I have only worked out once, though things are set so I can go right after work today for a while, and I have a free personal training appointment set up for tomorrow morning as well.

 

This is my first full week on keto, haven't been tracking but it's all been keto friendly foods and I am doing pretty well overall.  After next week I will start tracking everything to make sure I am not going crazy, but my appetite isn't too bad on this diet usually.

 

Also, my first appointment with the therapist went well, I like her and she is having me practice a coping mechanism I had started using a while back whenever I needed my blood pressure taken with some added awareness to it.  I am going again on the 11th of Feb.

[.TIFF]

Still moving forward.

 

Yesterday's Workout:

 

Bodyweight Hyper Extension, 3 sets total: 1x20, 2x17

Standing Single Arm Cable Row: 3x12 per side at 40lbs

Attempted Bodyweight step up to reverse lunges, this is not meant for short people so after 1 set of 20 struggling and knowing the correct form was not in reach I just finished with 2 sets of 20 bulgarian split squats 

Bench Press, 3 sets total: 2x12 at 65lbs, 1x12 at 70lbs

Romanian Deadlift: 2x20 at 95 with last set hitting only 17 reps

Side Lying Abduction: 1 set of 30

Feet Elevated RKC Plank: 40 sec for 1 rep

Side Plank: 30 sec each side for 1 rep

Stairmaster for 15 min, had to cut this short because I still needed to get home and eat before my fasting window showed up.  Was planning to hit 35 min.

 

 

Started intermittent fasting Friday, that is going ok so far but I haven't had much help around the house or with dinners lately which has been frustrating and hasn't helped my stress levels.

[.TIFF]

Tuesday: Was completely exhausted and sore, took a nap when I got home which I just don't do and chilled for the most part. Got a decent walk in over lunch though.

Wednesday: Workout B 

Single Leg Bridge: 2 sets of 20 and then I did donkey kicks for the last set because I was still really sore
Assisted Chin Ups: -70 lbs for 2 reps, then 3 sets of -80 lbs for 3 reps
Walking Lunges: 3 sets of 20 total (10 per side)
OHP: 2 sets of 12 with empty bar, failed at 7 for third set
Couldn't find the right spot to do the reverse hyper extensions so I skipped that
Clam: 30 reps for 1 set
Med Ball Crunch: 1 set of 30
Med Ball Side Crunches: 1 set of 20 each side

Hit the treadmill for 20 min after at 2.4 mph with a 15% incline.


Needed carbs to get to the gym Wed, so I had a kodiak cakes pancake on the go 1 hour before my workout. Felt better than I have in days energy wise.


Weight has been annoying even though I have done well the past two weeks: Mon 183.4, Tue 183.4, Wed 182.6, Thur 183.6

Jogging (more like jog/walk) during lunch today, it's about 2.3-2.6 miles, and when I get home I am going to torture myself with the foam roller for a while.