Success in 2019? (cuz none in '18, '17, '16, or '15)

[pseudophyte]

TL;DR: Almost 40, almost 300lbs, member since 2015, no success, maybe this time?

 

Longer story: My fourtieth birthday is just around the corner and I've been taking a moment to evaluate my life and re-think some of my habits and behaviors.  Of course, with the new year almost upon us, I've also been thinking about resolutions and 2019 promises.  So, it seems like this is the perfect time to start another weight-loss attempt, which has proved illusive these past several years.

 

I've always been a big guy; I think I've been "husky" ever since elementary school.  Love food.  Love carby food.  Soda too, but I usually drink diet soda, 'cuz the sugar makes my teeth hurt!  As a youngster, I played lots of sports - baseball, basketball, soccer - if it was organized and games were played on the weekends, I was probably playing it (but not American football).  I honestly didn't like it that much, but it was time spent with my Dad and he loved coaching/assisting, so it was a good way to get out of the house.  I did enjoy hiking (can't do that as much with my foot issues) and biking (it's been 10+ years since I've taken an actual ride).

 

Now, I lead a largely sedentary lifestyle.  Work keeps me behind a desk 75% of my workday and with 5 kids+activities, I'm playing chauffeur a LOT.  I'm the primary meal planner, so I spend a lot of my evening time standing in the kitchen as well.  Add regularly scheduled daily routines and bedtime duties, and my freetime begins at 9:30pm (if I can get the youngest asleep on time).  I usually spend an hour watching a TV show with my two eldest kids (alternating nights, different shows), then half an hour to one hour watching TV with my wife, who usually can't make it past 11:30pm.  I try to squeeze in a quick game session (30 minutes), but try to have the house wrapped up and on my way to bed by midnight.  Wake up at 6:30am and start it all over.

 

In high school, I was happy with my 6ft, 190lbs frame.  When I walked down the aisle, I was probably sitting around 225lbs.  In the decade+ of being married, I've put on 50lbs or more and am currently hovering around the 280lbs mark on the scale.  I have an elliptical in our garage that I try to use a couple times a week and a pull-up bar that didn't get much attention in 2018 (or 2017 or 2016, etc...).  Between not wanting to give up time with my kids and not wanting to do workouts (just not super fun to me), I'm genuinely having difficulty finding time to exercise and motivation to lose weight.

Well, until this last week.  I was working with a colleague setting up a video conference and we started everything with a nice, wide shot of our conference room.  The first image that we were presented with, was me, sitting in an office chair shlumted over a laptop, literally filling the entire chair, looking like... well, like an overweight tech support guy who doesn't take very good care of himself.  I just had this startling thought: "How the hell did I get so fat?!"  I mean, have I always looked like this?  Or is this just a super un-flattering angle?  Nope, it's me.

 

I definitely think that my diet is an issue.  I tend to cook fresh food for major meals, especially dinner (I'm aware of the balance between veggies and meat and try to both on the plate; unfortunately, that usually accompanies a large scoop of rice or potatoes), but any other time, I'm a pretty absent-minded  about how/what I eat.  I love chips, I often snack right up until bedtime, and at work I eat things mindlessly.  For example: I am, literally, eating a piece of toffee right now and I'm not entirely sure where it came from.  I was writing this out, stood up and got a piece of toffee, and sat back down to write and realized that I'm now eating candy.  Is this the first piece?  No.

 

I'm also struggling to find time to workout/exercise.  I might be able to do it right after work, but then dinner duties would fall to my wife.  She's usually got her hands full with kids and it feels unfair to not take on some of the family burden when I get home.  Also, I wouldn't be able to drive kids around (why does karate have to be 5 nights a week between two kids?) and those duties would fall to my wife.  I could try to wake up early, but I really have a hard time waking up prior to 6:30am.  I'm willing to give up some of my evening time, but wouldn't want to sacrifice wife-time, as we really only get an hour together all day.  Which means, exercising late (11:30pm) and giving up my limited video game time.  But I've been told that exercising right before bed is a no-no.

 

I'm really hoping to build some good habits and motivation/behaviors.  I'm hoping to find support here amongst folks in similar situations.  Thanks for listening to the long-worded re-introduction.  Any thoughts or advice is welcome.

[Jean]

The fun thing about success is that past failures are no indicator of the lack of it, only dropping the idea of getting there is. Being on the way doesn't always feel like it but it's how we build it: one standing back up at a time.

 

Question to get to know your situation better: do you like your job?

 

[pseudophyte]

Thank you for the encouragement.  I've definitely struggled with that's the way it's always been and letting past failures become an excuse to not try harder.  I see that as a major contributer to my not-success in the past.  I've read posts/articles about creating good habits instead of focusing on temporary things like motivation or inspiration.  Hopefully, this time around, I can succeed in forming good habits and lifestyle choices.

 

Regarding your question, I'd say "yes, I do enjoy my job."  There are times that I want to bang my head against the wall, but on the whole, I like doing what I do.  I work for a university coordinating a classroom support team, which means I get to assist folks with their technology needs and issues.  I do a lot of that from behind a desk (supervising student workers), but I do get a chance to provide direct support on-site every once in a while.  Prior to that, I was an office manager for a decade+, which was another job that required a LOT of desk time.  To be honest, I like having a stable job.  I've thought about switching jobs in the past, but my family is dependent upon my paycheck and benefits, so switching jobs is a gamble.

[Jean]

I'm agreeing with the habits part though some dose of motivation has helped me in the past. It's cliché but motivational speeches (sample 1, sample 2) and music (anything that suits you with "epic" in it)  have really helped put me back on my feet during my diploma. Your mileage will vary, of course. Some will think it stupid and useless, some will go for one kind or another (focusing on aspirations, surpassing oneself, building balance or anything else, same with music with quietness, sadness, emotions or battle themes building very different backgrounds for thinking and/or doing things).

 

I've asked about the job because of the mindless eating (does it happen because you are not thinking enough about what you do and need to do something else at the same time, the opposite - you need to focus too much and can't pay attention to whether you are eating or not - or something else?) and because with your family obligations (which can be great, spending time with and for your wife and kids can and should be great by itself), you're bound to need some "me" time all for yourself and it's probably very sparse as is. Having a job that motivates you can feel like it at times so it's good to know that you enjoy yours.

 

Most of all, have fun on the way. Fun things are way easier to do than chores.

 

 

[Sylvaa]

Welcome! And yay for taking the first step! *Dances* *Throws Confetti* (Promises to not be so cheerful again - I've had a lot of coffee).

 

23 hours ago, pseudophyte said:

I definitely think that my diet is an issue.  I tend to cook fresh food for major meals, especially dinner (I'm aware of the balance between veggies and meat and try to both on the plate; unfortunately, that usually accompanies a large scoop of rice or potatoes), but any other time, I'm a pretty absent-minded  about how/what I eat.  I love chips, I often snack right up until bedtime, and at work I eat things mindlessly.  For example: I am, literally, eating a piece of toffee right now and I'm not entirely sure where it came from.  I was writing this out, stood up and got a piece of toffee, and sat back down to write and realized that I'm now eating candy.  Is this the first piece?  No.

 

It's so awesome that you realize and recognize this, because diet is THE PLACE to start. Now, I'm going to throw out some suggestions for you, but I want to caveat this with I'm making the assumption that you are cooking for the whole family and would need to include this in any dietary changes you make.

• Start with writing down everything you eat. Get used to tracking food without worrying about the calories. Some people are able to make changes to their habits just because they don't want to write down everything they eat! 
• Only make enough starches for the family to have a regular portion. Now, I'm a mom of 4, so I know how kids can eat (especially if you've got them in sports!). But are you actually looking at how many servings you are making? Can you cut down and replace with extra veggies?
• Don't eat any food at work that you haven't brought from home (you can make special allowances for certain celebration days if you have them, but make it a habit to decline every day extras. 
• Limit how many extras you buy weekly. Are you going through a bag of chips a night at home? Are you going through a bag a week? Whatever that number is, cut it down. OR prepackage chips (or buy individual servings) so you only get one a night.

 

Honestly, the important thing is to start. And don't be afraid to start small. When I started, the first (and only!) thing I did was switch from regular to diet soda. You didn't get to where you are overnight. Learning what works for you and how to keep yourself moving forward is what will keep you successful long-term.

 

23 hours ago, pseudophyte said:

I'm also struggling to find time to workout/exercise.  I might be able to do it right after work, but then dinner duties would fall to my wife.  She's usually got her hands full with kids and it feels unfair to not take on some of the family burden when I get home.  Also, I wouldn't be able to drive kids around (why does karate have to be 5 nights a week between two kids?) and those duties would fall to my wife.  I could try to wake up early, but I really have a hard time waking up prior to 6:30am.  I'm willing to give up some of my evening time, but wouldn't want to sacrifice wife-time, as we really only get an hour together all day.  Which means, exercising late (11:30pm) and giving up my limited video game time.  But I've been told that exercising right before bed is a no-no

 

What do you do while the kids are at karate? Can you join a class at the same time? What about a walk or workout during your lunch break? Would your wife be willing to go on walks with you during your time together? Remember, anything you add to your routine is better than what you are currently doing. Sure, getting to the gym for a lifting program is going to help with results faster. But full days are a thing and you can't let perfect be the enemy of good. 

 

FWIW, exercising right before bed is only a no-no if it impacts your sleep. So you could try this and see how it impacts you. 

[Renate]

I can't really add anything to the above comments, but I do want to say I wish you much luck on your journey. It seems like you have the awareness, now you can pick your tools and set up the plan.

Post on here if you start a challenge or a battle log, it would be cool to follow along and encourage you to start taking better care of your wife's husband & your children's father!  

[pseudophyte]

Thank you, everyone, for your encouragement and advice.  One of my New Year Resolutions is to "stop making excuses" and just put time aside to: get some exercise in daily, make better food choices, and be more vigilant with my calorie/food tracking.  To that end, I decided to get a fitness tracker, which leads me to a funny story... I'd been talking about getting one for a while and had tried a few, only to end up returning them for lack of features or poor build quality.  During a pre-holiday sale, I ended up purchasing a nice, simple tracker and when it arrived, I was super excited, "Yay! It's here! I'm fulfilled!"  My wife looked apprehensive and gave me a resounding, "Meh!"  I honestly thought she'd be much happier.

 

Christmas rolls around, I'm opening presents... Boom.  Fitness tracker 2.0, the not-quite-so-simple older brother to my device.  My wife had purchased a hybrid watch/tracker as a present for me and was a little miffed that I had bought one spur-of-the-moment 2 weeks before Christmas (hence her faux disinterest).  Anyway, I've been wearing this thing for a couple weeks now, still getting used to wearing a watch again (it's been 5+ years?!).  If nothing else, it's a reminder that I'm supposed to be thinking about my food intake.  I'll let you all know how that turns out.

[Skywalker]

I love your story about the fitness tracker - I'm with your wife - it's so frustrating when someone impulse buys something that you have or were planning to buy! 

 

I was shopping with my adult son and saw that the Fitbit Charge 3 was on sale so I 'suggested' the I'd love one for Christmas.  I don't normally hint about a specific present or suggest something expensive (we went thirds), but then I also convinced him to let me have it early!!!  

 

I was a bit reluctant in the past about a fitness tracker for me - wondering if the novelty value would wear off.  It is still early days but I'm enjoying that little prompt to keep moving.

[curryfiend]

Hey there @pseudophyte, I know I'm a bit late to the party but after reading your post I just wanted to give you a thumbs up and I hope you're making some progress. I resonated with your post because I work 55+ hours a week, I attend school, and I try to squeeze in valuable family/boyfriend/hobby time. In 2018 I lost about 20 pounds and as of today I've gained it all back. I keep thinking how could I have done this to myself and the simple answer was I did not make the time/effort to help myself. I used to take walks every day for lunch break and I meal prepped like you wouldn't believe. Now that's it horribly cold outside and I'm burnt out from working so much, I haven't put the forethought into taking care of myself.

 

So anyway, I know life is busy and stuff but if you can at least give yourself 15-30 minutes a day to take a walk or do some push-ups or drink sparkling flavored water instead of diet soda, whatever you like (I noticed you mentioned your elliptical - do you actually like the elliptical?), I think you'll start seeing some good results. It might seem insignificant to do something so simple for so little time, but Steve's emails have reiterated to me that repetition is the key to success.