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shaar

» shaar reawakens - a prologue

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"You have to give it a name."

 

The words were a gentle tug, but she couldn't bring herself to open her eyes yet.  She wasn't sure where she was, how she got here, even who she was…  The Voice seemed to sense this, somehow, and continued speaking.

 

"Yours is Shaar Al-Khatabi."

 

Ah.  That sounded familiar. She mouthed the words slowly, 'al-khatabi', as if pronouncing them for the first time.  But they were hers, through and through.

 

Shaar Al-Khatabi continued taking slow metered breaths, the air brisk and cold in her lungs and equally heavy in scent, each one a little less shaky than the one prior as she slowly began to extend her senses outward to her surroundings. Fingers of one hand pressed gingerly into the ground she lay curled on; slightly damp, cold, spongy. She turned her hand, feeling leaves and pine needles against her palm, and honed in on the sensation against her skin as she brushed them aside.  And one eye finally opened, slowly, gingerly, to confirm her suspicion that she was in fact, outside.

 

She blinked slowly, trying to clear her blurry vision in vain; sunlight dodged through a heavy nest of branches above to illuminate the forest floor, autumnal hues of leaves stretching as far as the eye could see, piled aside age-worn stumps and massive tree trunks and strangely stacked rock piles.  It was all too much - sensory overload - and Shaar squinted her eyes shut again quickly, curling a little tighter into her fetal position.

 

"I feel like I've been poisoned."  Exhaustion reigned and each enunciation was a struggle, and barely audible as they passed her lips.  But he heard.

 

"I know you do."  The words were soft, kind, and tinged with a thread of regret.  They settled around her like a warm blanket, comfortable and reassuring, and Shaar quietly relaxed her limbs and opened both eyes this time to have her gaze settle upon The Voice.  He crouched at her side, unthreatening, slight in stature and in shape.  His clothes were a shambles of rags and there was something about him she couldn't quite place, and perhaps it was his youth that caught her off guard; he was barely a scrap of a boy.  Their gazes locked for a long few moments - hers that of a wounded animal, lost and frightened and scared, and his of nothing less than loving kindness, and Shaar felt the world around her slow as her breath hitched in her chest.

 

"We're all so proud of you.  All of us."  He reached out one small hand, settling it delicately on the crown of her head as he spoke, and at the touch a single tear slid from one eye, curving slowly along her cheek.  "You've done so much.  Seen so much.  Come so far."  His intonation light and airy, like the first flakes of snow drifting from the sky on a cold winter day. Like the brief oft-lost moments of the morning where the sun glitters newly across the ocean.  The pad of his thumb moved slowly across her temple as he spoke; back and forth, rhythmic. "We've been watching you for a long, long time.  You are so skilled in conquering adversity in your path.  It's why We chose you.  But this challenge… this one…"

 

The Voice let his words trail off as he lifted his hand from her head and moved it to his side, digging amidst the scraps to retrieve what seemed to be some sort of box.  It was circular in shape, barely the size of his small palm, and as he held it out to her Shaar regarded the item with a quiet curiosity for several moments before extending her own hand in kind, gently taking the item with dirty fingers.  The box had a hinge on one side, and she turned it over and over in her hands a few times before slowly flipping open the lid, steeling herself for whatever may come out or be lying in wait inside.

 

"This one is different."

 

There was a moment of quiet shock, and bright green eyes widened as Shaar found that she was staring right back at herself from the mirrored lid.

 

- this one is different -

 

Time froze for a brief few moments as the words rolled in her head, and Shaar slowly understood the task that lay before her.  She let out a slow sigh, tilting her head to one side thoughtfully, watching her mirror image do the same.

 

"This one is different," The Voice reiterated, kind but firm.  "And you have to give it a name."

 

She answered in one smooth word, voice lilting with the syllables.

 

"Karaoghlanlar."

 

----

 

Hi my friends, and welcome (almost) to 2019! And also welcome to the story of Shaar.  A while back I stumbled upon my old Nerd Fitness character I made eons ago, and it seemed to come at the right time for me, as inspiration with what to do with myself moving forward.  I've always loved writing and have tried narratives a few times but they've always flamed out.  This one though... we'll see, I'll do my best!  It'll evolve as I do, and I think that'll be easier and more flexible on my creativity.

 

( The Karaoghlanlar are the nine evil sons of the Mongol deity Erlik Knah, the god of death and the underworld! )

 

2018 was kind of a shit show (kind of??) and moving forward everything is going to be, and needs to be, different. Things that I thought worked for me in the past don't anymore, and I've effectively set myself back to square one to figure out what does work, and how to reawaken and move forward.  This challenge will be different too, because this time none of my challenges come from outside, but instead inside.  I'm still kind of in a hard place mentally and need to effectively deal with myself and learn how to take care of myself better, and all over again.

 

My first challenge is my biggest:

 

1. Drink Less

This is the big monkey on my back right now, and while I don't drink to excess at all, I still drink more than I would like to and I know it's not good for me.  It's not a healthy way to cope and I don't want to do that anymore.  It's bad for my skin, it's bad for my weight, it messes with my sleep... I KNOW all this but it's still hard to avoid "just one drink" to relax, and then it turns into two, and sometimes three.  DO NOT WANT ANYMORE.

 

My goal here is to not go cold turkey, but if I do want to drink, do it only on the weekends.  That's it.  Simple, huh?..

 

2. Move Intentionally

I've become so sedentary due to a. not working yet and b. it being winter in New England, and it's doing a number on me.  I feel it in my achy body and my energy levels and this too, is not what I want.  I'm not sure what I -do- want fitness-wise anymore, but that'll come in time, and right now I just need to get moving. 30 minutes of intentional movement at least 4 times a week.  This can be anything from yoga to mobility work to getting outside.  Just do something.

 

3. Find What Works

This last one is less pass-or-fail but more trial-and-error - my self-care toolbox is empty and I need to find out what fits in there now.  The first 3 months of a new year are always the hardest for me mentally and emotionally, and I have a feeling 2019 won't be any different... I need to keep a close eye on myself and figure out how to navigate these tricky times now that I'm in a whole new world. 

 

That's it!  I'll start small, and see where it takes me. <3

 

 

 

ALSO HEY HI SORRY SO SERIOUS SHAAR WHERE'S THE CAPSLOCK?!!?!  RIGHT HERE MY DUDES~

 

OrangeOblongAvocet-small.gif  

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Your narrative is brilliant, and i got goosebumps. 

 

Here as ALWAYS to support you through this challenge, cheer you on, send hugs and lots of love too :) YOU CAN DO IT xx

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2018 was rough, fo sho.  Let’s bury it in a deep hole.  Perhaps with fire or acid or flesh eating beetles......

Following.

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23 hours ago, Salinger said:

Your narrative is brilliant, and i got goosebumps. 

 

Here as ALWAYS to support you through this challenge, cheer you on, send hugs and lots of love too :) YOU CAN DO IT xx

 

I got a little goosey bumpy writing it too!  I'm so glad you're here, Sal you are just the best!~ <3  

 

23 hours ago, Echoceanic said:

Hi, I'm here to wave the pom poms and read through your awesome narratives. Looking forward to you figuring things out. What works for you is important. 

 

YAYAY welcome baaaaack~  I hope I figure something out!  Even if that something is "oh heck this does NOT work"! :3

 

21 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

That is a lovely narrative and a great way to start the challenge. You know I'm always up for evil smiting so if you need help dealing with those nine evil sons I'll be right by your side with Smite Evil turned all the way up.

 

If there is anyone out there in the wild wooly world I'd call to Purge Evil you KNOW it'd be you!!  Honored as always! o7

 

21 hours ago, Rinna said:

2018 was rough, fo sho.  Let’s bury it in a deep hole.  Perhaps with fire or acid or flesh eating beetles......

Following.

 

BURY IT.  Dig a hole.  THROW IT IN!  Add some KEROSENE!  Maybe manipulate a VOLCANO!  And then.  BLOW IT TO SMITHEREEEEEEEENS~~

 

<333

 

16 hours ago, Rurik Harrgath said:

HAI SHAAAAAAAR

 

tenor.gif?itemid=6045863

 

Ok so

 

This gif

 

I know exactly what attack this is and I can hear the badass "fwfwfw-BWM" sound in my head when she snaps 'cause it's called Sidewinder and boy I hope she had her poison and wind DOTs up on the mob first for bonus damage ahahaha holy crap hello my name is Shaar and I'm an XIV Bard main CAN YOU TELL

 

(this kinda made my day ngl)

 

14 hours ago, TheGreyJedi-Ranger said:

Here to follow! I feel ya on 2018 being a shitshow. I'm ready for something new to happen. Let's DO THIS <3 

 

GIRL let us burn 2018 to the FLOOR and let it know it is NO longer welcome at this Chili's

 

<333

 

1 hour ago, jonfirestar said:

Oh I love your narrative! Following! 

 

HI JON thankyou!!  I very much look forward to writing more!! ^________^

 

 

 

z e r o w e e k

 

IT IS

 

the FINAL DAY

Of 2018!!!!

 

giphy.gif

 

(sorry, too much?)

 

If nothing else 2018 taught me who I really am.  I often think of one of my favorite Henry Rollins quotes:

 

"Go without a coat when it's cold; find out what cold is. Go hungry; keep your existence lean. Wear away the fat, get down to the lean tissue and see what it's all about. The only time you define your character is when you go without. In times of hardship, you find out what you're made of and what you're capable of. If you're never tested, you'll never define your character."

 

So there's that.  I'm not gonna be SUUUUPER optimistic about 2019, because I know I still have a lot of work to do, but I'm going to go in the only way I know how; NEVER SAY DIE AND SCREAMING~

 

giphy.gif

 

At any rate, it is the NEW YEAR'S EVE and I hope to keep my rickety corpse awake until midnight where I can shout to my cat (and whoever else is online at the time), HAPP NEW YUR, and then collapse into a pile of sleep.  We'll see!  Tonight at the house I'm making crock pot tacos with all the fixin's, and we will play Scrabble (i am v good at the word game yall), and have some wine because if there is one caveat to my challenge it is that I am celebrating the end of this Hellish Voidsent Year of The Bowels of the Netherworld with a glass of wine or two.

 

Okokok I think that's all for now!  Happy last day of 2018 friends, I hope it finds you with a little peace and joy in your hearts.... and then TAKE UP YOUR PITCHFORKS AND RALLY FORTH, we got work to do!!! >:] <3333

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4 minutes ago, shaar said:

Okokok I think that's all for now!  Happy last day of 2018 friends, I hope it finds you with a little peace and joy in your hearts.... and then TAKE UP YOUR PITCHFORKS AND RALLY FORTH, we got work to do!!! >:] <3333

This is me about 2019. Bless you for putting it into words in true Shaar fashion <3

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Love that quote Shaar, makes me want to roll up my sleeves, pick myself up and get going. 

 

Also love the eat shit gif hahah :D

 

Your evening sounds lovely, can i join you? Im crap at scrabble though hahahaha!! xx

 

 

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58 minutes ago, TheGreyJedi-Ranger said:

This is me about 2019. Bless you for putting it into words in true Shaar fashion <3

 

YAY I AM GLAD!! \o/ Let us fine tune our pitchforks and get our screaming voices ready!!

 

58 minutes ago, Salinger said:

Love that quote Shaar, makes me want to roll up my sleeves, pick myself up and get going. 

 

Also love the eat shit gif hahah :D

 

Your evening sounds lovely, can i join you? Im crap at scrabble though hahahaha!! xx

 

 

 

Henry Rollins has written some great raw stuff.  He's one of my favorite people.  V. inspiration, much take-no-shit.

 

I DO NOT TAKE A BATTLE OF WORDS LIGHTLY actually a lot of Scrabble is about RNG and luck and what letters you get...... 

 

15 minutes ago, Cheetah said:

Happy Challenge!  I'm sure this year is going to be fantastic!  Any news on the job finding?

 

I will cling to your optimism like a bear grasping futiley at a slippery salmon!.... or something?

 

Not yet, but they did let me know things would be pretty scarce until New Years was over, so if I don't hear anything by uh... what is today.......... anything by Wednesday, I'll check in!  

 

(also damnit i keep thinking about walking to mordor damnit DAMNit)

 

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Just now, shaar said:

 

 

 

Henry Rollins has written some great raw stuff.  He's one of my favorite people.  V. inspiration, much take-no-shit.

 

 

Yeah he is a cool dude. You like Black Flag then? TV PARTY TONIGHT hahaha

 

Whats the walk to mordor thing?? im such a bad nerd hahahah x

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Shaar sat quietly in the guild hall, mostly oblivious to the hustle and bustle around her.  It was the cusp of a new year, another turn of the wheel, and excitement was in the air.  The tavern ambiance was a nice white noise, comfortable and soothing, and Shaar sat half-curled in her chair, nimble fingers flipping the mirrored compact open and closed again, over and over.

 

"I guess he finally gave you that thing, eh?"

 

Emerald eyes widened and glanced upwards to settle upon a very familiar face, an old confidant, the tried and true… lips curved into a crooked smile as Shaar snapped the compact shut one final time.  "Sure looks like it."  Pun intended.

 

The Fury sat down alongside her; he pulled a chair out roughly with one quick motion and half-spun it, dropping to sit backwards, arms folding amidst the rungs and chin settling neatly atop the chair back. "Fuckin'… good.  'S all he kept -talking- about, every other day, gotta find her and give her this goddamn thing…" One hand waved dismissively in the air as he spoke, eyes rolling in a light sort of sarcasm, and he punctuated his words with a strangled sort of sigh.  "Voice needs to chill out little."

 

"You?  Telling someone to chill out?  That's rich!"  Shaar laughed then, light and melodious, for the first time in a while.  She wasn't the only one to take note of that, and for a long moment, she and the Fury stared directly at one another, the unquenchable fire in his eyes burning into hers.

 

"Oh, what's that?  It's pretty!  I want to see!"

 

Quiet reverie broken by a child's voice, delicate like finely smithed silver bells, like the first blades of grass in springtime, like baby blue robin's eggs and the morning sun on your cheeks. The Light scampered up between them, small hands reaching up for the compact excitedly.

 

"No.  'S not for you."  The Fury was firm and reached one arm out, curling it around the girl's tiny translucent form, tugging her away from Shaar and the table.  She made a small noise of indignance, and Shaar smiled quietly to herself.  The Fury and The Light often traveled together, a seeming dichotomy of forces. But for her, somehow, it worked.

 

"Sorry," Shaar offered, flattening one hand over the compact.  "Maybe someday, when I'm done with it.  Okay?"  She leaned back in her chair then, tucking the compact away in the folds of her Ranger cloak.  Her gaze dropped to The Light and her flickering form that had settled and gone quiet, before lifting back up to The Fury, who was quietly demanding her attention.

 

"So 'm guessing since you have that.. You don't need me right now, yeah?"  The question offered with soft undertones of arrogance.

 

"… Yeah."  Shaar answered in kind, dark brows furrowing in return.  She watched as The Fury, who for all rights should have been annoyed, smiled instead.  A wide, toothy grin.

 

"Whatever.  Won't last for long."  His words a challenge as he stood from his chair, simultaneously lifting The Light and easily tucking her under his arm like a bag of apples.  She seemed to delight in this; tiny arms struggling to embrace the taller man's waist, legs kicking quietly with glee, humming like the tinkling of chimes.  "You know I'm your favorite."  Offered as nothing more than an absolute statement as he stared down at her.

 

Shaar laughed again, softer this time.  "Naturally."  One hand lifted to tug at her dark ponytail, and it struck her how no matter who or what you were, everyone had their faults.  Their vulnerabilities.   After all this time…   She watched The Fury as his smile grew just a little more wolfish, and he turned away from her then, grinning back at her over one shoulder, all fire and sinew and zeal.

 

"Damn right."

 

- - - -

 

Couldn't resist writing a little more this morning; feeling inspired!! :DDD

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52 minutes ago, shaar said:

 

- - - -

 

Couldn't resist writing a little more this morning; feeling inspired!! :DDD

 

 

OH MY FUCKING WORD. SO good Shaar, more more more!!!! xx

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ha!

a big SHOUT out to the mordor Walk!  totally a better part of 2018.  I may have achieved the QUEST I sought to do...

but I sure did see a lot of middle earth

 

anyways Happy Almost 2019!

 

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3 hours ago, Salinger said:

 

Yeah he is a cool dude. You like Black Flag then? TV PARTY TONIGHT hahaha

 

Whats the walk to mordor thing?? im such a bad nerd hahahah x

 

the Walk to Mordor challenge is to Record the amount of distance you walk EACH day, and try to see if you Can walk far enough to go from the Shire to Mordor 1779 miles*, or better yet to walk from shire and return (3404* miles) in the same calendar year.  

 

the walk is described in the fantasy novel "Lord of the Ring" trilogy by JRR tolkien.

(*for you guys in england- this is 2863km / 5478km)

 

the easiest way to do this is to have a fitbit or sports watch and transfer your daily mileage to an online spreadsheet.

 

you can see the ongoing PVP challenge here;

https://rebellion.nerdfitness.com/index.php?/topic/105502-walk-to-mordor-and-back-again-2018/

 

and on the last page there is posted a link to the 2019 spreadsheet.

 

I was a great believer in making the journey real to me and included pictorial posts when I getting to certain landmarks described in the book.  and anyways I adore the book and like it Much more than the movie.  my daughter calls it my "nerd bible"

 

...

just for the record I could not make it all the way there and back in 2018.

my projections are to complete the full journey by March/April 2019.

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12 hours ago, shaar said:

I know exactly what attack this is and I can hear the badass "fwfwfw-BWM" sound in my head when she snaps 'cause it's called Sidewinder and boy I hope she had her poison and wind DOTs up on the mob first for bonus damage ahahaha holy crap hello my name is Shaar and I'm an XIV Bard main CAN YOU TELL

 

(this kinda made my day ngl)

 

Do you truly believe all was not according to plan?  That I did not intend to make your day through finding the perfect Bard gif?

 

risdzt5lnng7iapf5siw.gif

 

Oh shaar of little faith... ;)

 

12 hours ago, shaar said:

.... and then TAKE UP YOUR PITCHFORKS AND RALLY FORTH, we got work to do!!! >:] <3333

 

I'm SO ready to take this new year on!

 

tumblr_nu2ao5Sbbm1ql7ewpo1_540.gif

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