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The Padawan Chronicles Ep. 1 - The Lost Jedi


TheGreyJedi-Ranger

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"Only you can decide what breaks you, Cursebreaker, only you."

- A Court of Wings and Ruin, Sarah J Maas

The past year broke me.

 

2018 was a mess. This past year broke me into different pieces and burned up the person that I've been. I've been through loss and anxiety and loneliness beyond compare. I'm no longer the Jedi I once was. And that's okay. But I need to find out who Jedi is now. I've lost myself. I need to find what pieces of myself are left and forge them together with the new pieces of me. I feel like I'm finally at a point where I can get back on my feet.

 

So 2019 starts the first episode of The Padawan Chronicles as I, the Lost Jedi, go on a journey to find myself again, to be better and more me than I ever was before.

I’ve got a rather large number of New Year’s resolutions, I listed them in my last challenge so I’ll only list the ones that matter for this adventure.

 

Read my Bible More

I need/want to get back into the Word. I’m going to add it as a daily task in Habitica to encourage me to do it. I think reconnecting with God will help me weather some of my struggles with a bit more grace. That’s going to be an everyday thing.

 

Get my Brain Healthy

If I don’t hear from the therapist by Friday, I’ll call my doctor to let her know what’s going on as requested. That’s my only task for this resolution during this challenge as of right now.

 

Working on Intuitive Eating

I’m going to use the ‘habit’ portion of Habitica to add ‘eats when hungry’ as a habit! I’m really bad at doing so and I think this might help a bit. Hopefully.

 

I’m also going to work on making more meals at home. Goal is to have 3 meals planned out for a week, and cook at least 2 of them. If we don’t need the third, that’s food for the next week!

 

Create a Better Space for Myself

I’ve got a couple of tasks for myself with this over the next couple of weeks. First task is to hang up all of our hanging decorative stuff. It’s been hung if it doesn’t require nails, but if it does I haven’t hung them yet because we have to drill into these walls. And I’m low key terrified of drilling into the walls. But I’ll be careful and make do.

 

My other task is to clean up/clean out the guest room! There’s stuff all over the floor and that’s no good. I need to tidy things up a little bit so that I don’t have so much to do when I start thinking about rearranging that room.

 

There’s a lot here, but I’m trying to split one time tasks and habits up evenly so that I have enough mental energy to spare. Hopefully this will be a successful challenge!
 

May the Force be with you all!

  • Like 4

Grey Jedi Ranger

The Jedi Chronicles Ep. 10: Opta Ardua Pennis Astra Sequi

Jedi Battle Log

“That's the point of it, Bryce. Of life. To live, to love, knowing that it might all vanish tomorrow. It makes everything that much more precious.”

- Danika Fendyr, House of Earth and Blood by Sarah J. Maas

Challenges#1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10#11#12#13#14#15#16, #17#18#19#20#21#22#23#24#25#26#27#28#29#30#31#32#33,  #34#35#36#37#38#39#40#41#42#43

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I'm so proud of you.  2018 was a total dumpster fire and to just keep moving forward, little by little, and to keep trying... you're doing it.  I hope with all my little bard heart that 2019 is kinder to you because you so deserve it!! <333

  • Like 1

i am not waiting for a hero.  i saved myself long ago.

Level 50 Bardic Time-Mage; of the Furious Heart

STR.55  DEX.43 STA.48 CON.51 WIS.53 CHA.65

"Well...in the end, it boils down to two simple choices. Either you do or you don't.

You'd think with all the problems in this world, there'd be more answers. It's not fair...
...But that's the way things are. The choice is yours."

»  kom starkru

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You can do it!  This year will be great!

  • Like 1

  Level 45 Quasi-Human Ranger     

"Forget failure.  Forget mistakes.  Forget everything except what you're going to do NOW, and DO IT." - Lou Ferrigno

"Foxes Never Quit!"  -  Leicester City FC

KBO. - Churchill

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The one thing 2018 didn't make you do was quit, and that means you won the biggest, most important victory of all. You are hurting, you got some scars, but you never gave up. You are Victorious, and please don't let anyone (especially not yourself) tell you anything different.

  • Like 1

Current Challenge Original 1,2,3, R 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17,18,19,20,21,22,23,24,25,26,27,28,29,30,31,32,33,34,35,36,37,38,39,40,41,42,43,44,45,46,47,48,49,50,51

52

"By the Most-Righteous-and-Blessed Beard of Sir Tanktimus the Encourager!" - Jarl Rurik Harrgath

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On 12/31/2018 at 11:20 AM, shaar said:

I'm so proud of you.  2018 was a total dumpster fire and to just keep moving forward, little by little, and to keep trying... you're doing it.  I hope with all my little bard heart that 2019 is kinder to you because you so deserve it!! <333

Thanks <3 I hope it's kinder to you as well, you deserve good things :) 

 

On 12/31/2018 at 1:31 PM, Cheetah said:

You can do it!  This year will be great!

I'm certainly hoping so!!

 

On 12/31/2018 at 2:49 PM, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

The one thing 2018 didn't make you do was quit, and that means you won the biggest, most important victory of all. You are hurting, you got some scars, but you never gave up. You are Victorious, and please don't let anyone (especially not yourself) tell you anything different.

This is true. Life sucks. And that doesn't look like it wants to change anytime soon. But I'm still here, I'm still trying, and I'm not down yet.

 

On 12/31/2018 at 4:40 PM, Miaulin said:

Hey, GreyJedi, just here to say congratulations on hanging in there even when it's beyond difficult. You're strong and brave and you can do this.

Thanks <3 

 

 

~~~~

 

I never told you guys!! The therapist called yesterday and I'm scheduled a week from today (Tuesday) for my appointment. I don't remember the time but I'll see if they call again for an appointment reminder before I get concerned lol. But yeah! That's a thing!

  • Like 3

Grey Jedi Ranger

The Jedi Chronicles Ep. 10: Opta Ardua Pennis Astra Sequi

Jedi Battle Log

“That's the point of it, Bryce. Of life. To live, to love, knowing that it might all vanish tomorrow. It makes everything that much more precious.”

- Danika Fendyr, House of Earth and Blood by Sarah J. Maas

Challenges#1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10#11#12#13#14#15#16, #17#18#19#20#21#22#23#24#25#26#27#28#29#30#31#32#33,  #34#35#36#37#38#39#40#41#42#43

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I'm glad you got a session scheduled.

  • Like 1

Current Challenge Original 1,2,3, R 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17,18,19,20,21,22,23,24,25,26,27,28,29,30,31,32,33,34,35,36,37,38,39,40,41,42,43,44,45,46,47,48,49,50,51

52

"By the Most-Righteous-and-Blessed Beard of Sir Tanktimus the Encourager!" - Jarl Rurik Harrgath

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Following along for encouragement and any other help I can give.

  • Like 1

B'ker Level 1 Half-elf Ranger  STR: 3  DEX: 3  CON: 3  INT: 3  WIS: 2  CHA: 2

Bker Survives December Challenge Tracking Spreadsheet

Walking to Mordor (2019) Spreadsheet

 MyFitnessPal | FitBit | Instagram

Walking to Mordor 1879.44 miles/1779 miles

Mini Challenge:  Week 1:  | Week 2:  | Week 3 | Week 4 | Week 5 |

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17 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

I'm glad you got a session scheduled.

You and me both >_>

 

12 hours ago, bker1370 said:

Following along for encouragement and any other help I can give.

Nice to have you!! :) 

  • Like 1

Grey Jedi Ranger

The Jedi Chronicles Ep. 10: Opta Ardua Pennis Astra Sequi

Jedi Battle Log

“That's the point of it, Bryce. Of life. To live, to love, knowing that it might all vanish tomorrow. It makes everything that much more precious.”

- Danika Fendyr, House of Earth and Blood by Sarah J. Maas

Challenges#1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10#11#12#13#14#15#16, #17#18#19#20#21#22#23#24#25#26#27#28#29#30#31#32#33,  #34#35#36#37#38#39#40#41#42#43

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19 hours ago, TheGreyJedi-Ranger said:

I never told you guys!! The therapist called yesterday and I'm scheduled a week from today (Tuesday) for my appointment. I don't remember the time but I'll see if they call again for an appointment reminder before I get concerned lol. But yeah! That's a thing!

 

!! YESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!

 

tenor.gif?itemid=5292327

  • Like 1

i am not waiting for a hero.  i saved myself long ago.

Level 50 Bardic Time-Mage; of the Furious Heart

STR.55  DEX.43 STA.48 CON.51 WIS.53 CHA.65

"Well...in the end, it boils down to two simple choices. Either you do or you don't.

You'd think with all the problems in this world, there'd be more answers. It's not fair...
...But that's the way things are. The choice is yours."

»  kom starkru

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1 hour ago, shaar said:

 

!! YESSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!

 

tenor.gif?itemid=5292327

I'm so ready! I was doing some introspection the past few days and I'm just like.... wow my brain is an actual dumpster fire pls send help and water. Now maybe I can get some help.

  • Like 2

Grey Jedi Ranger

The Jedi Chronicles Ep. 10: Opta Ardua Pennis Astra Sequi

Jedi Battle Log

“That's the point of it, Bryce. Of life. To live, to love, knowing that it might all vanish tomorrow. It makes everything that much more precious.”

- Danika Fendyr, House of Earth and Blood by Sarah J. Maas

Challenges#1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10#11#12#13#14#15#16, #17#18#19#20#21#22#23#24#25#26#27#28#29#30#31#32#33,  #34#35#36#37#38#39#40#41#42#43

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2 hours ago, TheGreyJedi-Ranger said:

my brain is an actual dumpster fire

 

I completely relate.  I'm glad you've got something scheduled.  :-)

  • Like 1

  Level 45 Quasi-Human Ranger     

"Forget failure.  Forget mistakes.  Forget everything except what you're going to do NOW, and DO IT." - Lou Ferrigno

"Foxes Never Quit!"  -  Leicester City FC

KBO. - Churchill

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On 1/2/2019 at 12:54 PM, TheGreyJedi-Ranger said:

I'm so ready! I was doing some introspection the past few days and I'm just like.... wow my brain is an actual dumpster fire pls send help and water. Now maybe I can get some help.

 

200.gif?cid=3640f6095c2c45aa4775347249b9

 

Did I help?

  • Like 1

[ Level ?? ]  Rurik 'Hav0k' Harrgath, Blademaster Adept and shadow-running Ronin extraordinaire.

BRUTALITY 13 | FINESSE 12 | GRIT 13  | INSIGHT 15 | MOXIE 13

Challenges:1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34

 

"Rangers have to at least give up on pants. It's a special rule we enacted after Rurik Harrgath became a Guild Leader.” – DarK_RaideR.

"Did I just get my ass kicked by a member of Metallica meets History Channel's Vikings?" - Wolfpool.

"By the Well-Oiled-and-Meticulously-Groomed Beard of Rurik!" - Tanktimus the Encourager.

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On 1/2/2019 at 4:21 PM, Cheetah said:

 

I completely relate.  I'm glad you've got something scheduled.  :-)

Same. It's in two days and I'm getting nervous but I'm getting there.

 

On 1/5/2019 at 8:31 PM, Rurik Harrgath said:

 

200.gif?cid=3640f6095c2c45aa4775347249b9

 

Did I help?

This is adorable.

 

 

~~~~

 

Okay so first day of the challenge. It's been a weird day. It's been a weird weekend tbh.

 

First of all, Mr. Right and I got gym memberships. I'm super anxious about it because I haven't been back in a gym since I gained all this weight. I feel very uncomfortable about it, because I know I'm nowhere near gym build anymore. Especially since I'm a woman who's going to start lifting. I'm problematically impacted by the opinions of others and I'm really nervous about my first time back in a public gym.

 

Right now I'm having some very uncomfortable body thoughts. I realized that between my husband having weight basically melt off him (due to work related issues) and my weight gain that I've been experiencing, I now outweigh him. He's 6'4" and I'm 5'5". It's really upsetting to me, particularly because it's happened so fast comparably that I don't entirely feel at home in my body anymore. It doesn't feel right. I can't do all of the things that I used to be able to do as easily, and I just feel like I should be about 40 lbs lighter. I don't know. It's really hard to deal with in general but I don't know what to do. I don't know how to deal with all of these body issues and I can't get but so far into Intuitive Eating before my body image issues trip me up again. I just don't know. I'm glad I have my therapy appointment but I'm really nervous about it.

  • Like 4

Grey Jedi Ranger

The Jedi Chronicles Ep. 10: Opta Ardua Pennis Astra Sequi

Jedi Battle Log

“That's the point of it, Bryce. Of life. To live, to love, knowing that it might all vanish tomorrow. It makes everything that much more precious.”

- Danika Fendyr, House of Earth and Blood by Sarah J. Maas

Challenges#1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10#11#12#13#14#15#16, #17#18#19#20#21#22#23#24#25#26#27#28#29#30#31#32#33,  #34#35#36#37#38#39#40#41#42#43

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Oh my Lord. I'm nowhere nearly as out of shape as I thought!
 

The gym was cool, it's a Kinetix gym and my husband's coworker is there basically always so he knows folks there. Good for him to get out and be with people ^_^ We both went today. He worked out with his coworkers, I did Stronglifts. I very much underestimated myself! I think it's because of all of the new pudge and fat on my body. I have difficulty with some movements due to current body size, so I thought I was out of shape. But I managed to squat the bar without failure today, which is awesome, and I can bench a 30lb bar with ease. Dumbbell rows with 15lbs were incredibly easy as well.

 

Next workout is going to be a bit more difficult since it involves overhead press and deadlifting.

 

Overall, I didn't feel too out of place there, no more than I do anywhere else anyway >_> But not only did I have fun working out, I felt REALLY good afterwards. Both Mr. Right and I did. And considering that both of us have been struggling with very severe depression recently, that's a huge deal. IE hasn't been too difficult to handle either :) I know I'm going to start eating more, and I'm mentally preparing myself for that. It's a bit easier since I've managed to accept the fact that for whatever reason, my body requires more fuel than others. I don't know why, (I wouldn't be surprised if I had some kind of IBS or Acid Reflux going on) but I do. And I'm just going to give it what it's asking me for. 

 

I'm off now, I'm going to finish the dishes before I lose my motivation entirely, and then I'm spending the rest of the night watching youtube videos!

  • Like 3

Grey Jedi Ranger

The Jedi Chronicles Ep. 10: Opta Ardua Pennis Astra Sequi

Jedi Battle Log

“That's the point of it, Bryce. Of life. To live, to love, knowing that it might all vanish tomorrow. It makes everything that much more precious.”

- Danika Fendyr, House of Earth and Blood by Sarah J. Maas

Challenges#1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10#11#12#13#14#15#16, #17#18#19#20#21#22#23#24#25#26#27#28#29#30#31#32#33,  #34#35#36#37#38#39#40#41#42#43

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Ferrotherapy can help with a lot of ills, I'm glad the gym was a good experience for you both.

  • Like 1

Current Challenge Original 1,2,3, R 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17,18,19,20,21,22,23,24,25,26,27,28,29,30,31,32,33,34,35,36,37,38,39,40,41,42,43,44,45,46,47,48,49,50,51

52

"By the Most-Righteous-and-Blessed Beard of Sir Tanktimus the Encourager!" - Jarl Rurik Harrgath

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17 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Ferrotherapy can help with a lot of ills, I'm glad the gym was a good experience for you both.

Had to google 'ferrotherapy' but ended up with a good giggle xD

16 hours ago, bker1370 said:

As usual, I agree with Tank

Same tho

 

 

~~~

 

Went to therapy today. It was... eyeopening. Some words were used today that I didn't expect, and that I wasn't 100% ready for in terms of my relationships with others and with myself. I'll be doing some soul searching over the next few days to see how I feel and bring some questions or comments to the table next session. One huge blessing is that it's counted by my insurance as a PCP visit, not a specialist, so I'm only paying my normal copay, which is $20 cheaper. so instead of $100/month for 2 sessions, I'm paying like $120 for 4. Bless.

  • Like 3

Grey Jedi Ranger

The Jedi Chronicles Ep. 10: Opta Ardua Pennis Astra Sequi

Jedi Battle Log

“That's the point of it, Bryce. Of life. To live, to love, knowing that it might all vanish tomorrow. It makes everything that much more precious.”

- Danika Fendyr, House of Earth and Blood by Sarah J. Maas

Challenges#1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10#11#12#13#14#15#16, #17#18#19#20#21#22#23#24#25#26#27#28#29#30#31#32#33,  #34#35#36#37#38#39#40#41#42#43

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I'm really glad you got to see a therapist. 

  • Like 1

Current Challenge Original 1,2,3, R 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17,18,19,20,21,22,23,24,25,26,27,28,29,30,31,32,33,34,35,36,37,38,39,40,41,42,43,44,45,46,47,48,49,50,51

52

"By the Most-Righteous-and-Blessed Beard of Sir Tanktimus the Encourager!" - Jarl Rurik Harrgath

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1 hour ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

I'm really glad you got to see a therapist. 

Me too. I think it's really going to help. She's super nice and really encouraging as well. :)

  • Like 1

Grey Jedi Ranger

The Jedi Chronicles Ep. 10: Opta Ardua Pennis Astra Sequi

Jedi Battle Log

“That's the point of it, Bryce. Of life. To live, to love, knowing that it might all vanish tomorrow. It makes everything that much more precious.”

- Danika Fendyr, House of Earth and Blood by Sarah J. Maas

Challenges#1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10#11#12#13#14#15#16, #17#18#19#20#21#22#23#24#25#26#27#28#29#30#31#32#33,  #34#35#36#37#38#39#40#41#42#43

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The DOMS is real. I have no idea how I'm going to lift tomorrow. I literally can barely get up after sitting in a chair

  • Like 1

Grey Jedi Ranger

The Jedi Chronicles Ep. 10: Opta Ardua Pennis Astra Sequi

Jedi Battle Log

“That's the point of it, Bryce. Of life. To live, to love, knowing that it might all vanish tomorrow. It makes everything that much more precious.”

- Danika Fendyr, House of Earth and Blood by Sarah J. Maas

Challenges#1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10#11#12#13#14#15#16, #17#18#19#20#21#22#23#24#25#26#27#28#29#30#31#32#33,  #34#35#36#37#38#39#40#41#42#43

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18 minutes ago, TheGreyJedi-Ranger said:

The DOMS is real. I have no idea how I'm going to lift tomorrow. I literally can barely get up after sitting in a chair

Lifting will actually help with the DOMS. The trick is getting to the gym.

  • Like 1

Current Challenge Original 1,2,3, R 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17,18,19,20,21,22,23,24,25,26,27,28,29,30,31,32,33,34,35,36,37,38,39,40,41,42,43,44,45,46,47,48,49,50,51

52

"By the Most-Righteous-and-Blessed Beard of Sir Tanktimus the Encourager!" - Jarl Rurik Harrgath

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1 hour ago, TheGreyJedi-Ranger said:

She's super nice and really encouraging

 

I'm glad it went well!  Good counselors are good.  :-)

 

5 minutes ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Lifting will actually help with the DOMS. The trick is getting to the gym.

 

I Agree With Tank™ 

 

You're doing great, keep up the good work!

  • Like 2

  Level 45 Quasi-Human Ranger     

"Forget failure.  Forget mistakes.  Forget everything except what you're going to do NOW, and DO IT." - Lou Ferrigno

"Foxes Never Quit!"  -  Leicester City FC

KBO. - Churchill

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12 hours ago, Tanktimus the Encourager said:

Lifting will actually help with the DOMS. The trick is getting to the gym.

I'll be honest with you. I don't actually think that's going to be physically possible for me right now. I don't have enough range of motion for lifting without stabbing pains. If I sit for too long, I can't stand up. If I stand for too long, my muscles spasm and I almost collapse. I'm going to try to do a cardio dance class tonight at the gym, but I don't think I can squat again today. I literally don't think my body will stand for it.

 

 

12 hours ago, Cheetah said:

 

I'm glad it went well!  Good counselors are good.  :-)

 

 

I Agree With Tank™ 

 

You're doing great, keep up the good work!

Agreed! It's the first time I've left a therapists office with a 'wow this makes sense, this is right' sort of feeling. Nothing quite rang true with me the way this does. The downside is that I'm really not 100% enjoying digging up some pieces of myself that I'm not particularly proud of. 

  • Like 1

Grey Jedi Ranger

The Jedi Chronicles Ep. 10: Opta Ardua Pennis Astra Sequi

Jedi Battle Log

“That's the point of it, Bryce. Of life. To live, to love, knowing that it might all vanish tomorrow. It makes everything that much more precious.”

- Danika Fendyr, House of Earth and Blood by Sarah J. Maas

Challenges#1, #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9, #10#11#12#13#14#15#16, #17#18#19#20#21#22#23#24#25#26#27#28#29#30#31#32#33,  #34#35#36#37#38#39#40#41#42#43

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1 hour ago, TheGreyJedi-Ranger said:

 The downside is that I'm really not 100% enjoying digging up some pieces of myself that I'm not particularly proud of. 

 

IMHO this is the true sign of a good therapist.  The process is gonna be uncomfy and a skilled therapist will hone in on stuff like this to help you process it and move forward towards a better you. 

 

I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!! ^_________^  You're going to do great!!

  • Like 1

i am not waiting for a hero.  i saved myself long ago.

Level 50 Bardic Time-Mage; of the Furious Heart

STR.55  DEX.43 STA.48 CON.51 WIS.53 CHA.65

"Well...in the end, it boils down to two simple choices. Either you do or you don't.

You'd think with all the problems in this world, there'd be more answers. It's not fair...
...But that's the way things are. The choice is yours."

»  kom starkru

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