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Miau's Year of the Elf: Chapter One


Maggie-Miau

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strava - myfitnesspal - Instagram

2019 Roadmap

Spoiler

 

" Always aim for something stupidly crazy." - Charlie Quinn

2019 Races: Cliveden MTR 06/01 | Nuts Challenge 02/03 | Reading Half Marathon 17/03 | W.A.R 27/04 | RRDW 11/05 | Nuclear Oblivion 19/05 | Man vs Lakes 20/07 | Spartan Trifecta Weekend 05-06/10 | OCRWC 11-13/10

 

Current Challenge: First Steps

Previous Challenges: 12 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24

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RES...and I want to live days worth dying for

Current: RES: SET but not always ready

Spoiler

Growth happens when you care more about the well being of your future self than the comfort of your present self!

"Pass on what you have learned. Strength, mastery. But weakness, folly, failure also. Yes, failure most of all. The greatest teacher, failure is." -Yoda

 

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I am here to turn your pom poms against you!

 

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[Level ??] Rurik, the Thunderer

Class: Stormborn War-Shaman (Path of Giants Barbarian/Conquest Paladin/Elemental Domain Cleric)

BRUTALITY 11 | FINESSE 10 | VIGOR 11 | INSIGHT 14 | WILL 13

Equipment:  Studded leather armor, war club, plus adventurer's pack containing rations, rope, and nature-based potions. 

 

"Rangers have to at least give up on pants. It's a special rule we enacted after Rurik became a Guild Leader.” – DarK_RaideR

"Did I just get my ass kicked by a member of Metallica meets History Channel's Vikings?" - Wild Wolf

"By the Well-Oiled-and-Meticulously-Groomed Beard of Rurik!" - Tanktimus the Encourager

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tenor.gif?itemid=5356804 

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SKY ELVENWORD NOBLEHEART

The Silver Archer, Ranger Level 53

Jesus-follower | Writer | Encourager | Resident Myers-Briggs and Enneagram Geek 

"Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people." - Fred Rogers

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Oooh, a place is being held here! Must be for something good! :D

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Gargoyle Ranger | Level 49

2022 challenges:  49 (current)

2015-2021 challenges: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 |15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 || 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33 || 34 | 35 | 36 | 37 | 38 | 39 | 40 | 41 | 42 || 43 | 44 | 45 | | 46 | 4748 ||

 

My epic quest | MEATBALL WARS

You don't get better at anything unless you start doing it.

Being alive is heckn swell. 

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How is it going Miau?

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strava - myfitnesspal - Instagram

2019 Roadmap

Spoiler

 

" Always aim for something stupidly crazy." - Charlie Quinn

2019 Races: Cliveden MTR 06/01 | Nuts Challenge 02/03 | Reading Half Marathon 17/03 | W.A.R 27/04 | RRDW 11/05 | Nuclear Oblivion 19/05 | Man vs Lakes 20/07 | Spartan Trifecta Weekend 05-06/10 | OCRWC 11-13/10

 

Current Challenge: First Steps

Previous Challenges: 12 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24

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*crawling out of the hole i managed to fall in*
 

ashgfdfgsdg i had plans for this Challenge but managed to get locked out of my brain somewhere around the end of 2018, and haven't quite found my way back in just yet!
seriously it's like i got caught running circles in a revolving door and then finally got out...and ran smack-slap into a brick wall. oooooof! still feeling quite boggled...

 

gotta update the placeholders above with goals and stuff but the tl;dr of this Challenge is

 

2019 Primary Objective - get my GED since all areas of the map are p much locked until that's done.

January Main Goals - the usual,,,,,,use Khan Academy, do Exercise,,read a Book...

 

So Far In 2019,

          - it's rained a lot
          - Gray Major was able to get his neuter finally. ( yay! still waiting on momcat Freya to deliver her last round of kittens so she can get her spay, which the GoFundMe has covered! )
          - That BBC Show Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell, which barely held my attention on the initial viewing, has abruptly grabbed my entire attention????
          - which means my only personality this year will be a weird mix of JS&MN, TURN: Washington's Spies, Lazytown, and The Musketeers. Huh.
          - found another personal issue that probably needs tackling soon. have for ages had some Questionable thoughts and feelings about food and now i'm @myself like:  

 

           tumblr_oea4m18nmO1qhq8vso7_r1_400.gif

          - had the slight problem of being either unable to shut up or not being able to communicate at all which has made Internet-ing a tad difficult.
 

so that's fun :) still need to catch up on everyone's threads and yell heyoo to people!

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Matthew 25:34-40

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So glad the GoFundMe has worked out for the kitties!!! <3333 (And good to hear from you too!! *pompoms*)

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Tell me, if you had the strength to take another step, could you do it?

Level ?? Bard & Monk of the Furious Heart

STR.55  DEX.43 STA.48 CON.51 WIS.53 CHA.65

 

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On 1/9/2019 at 4:54 PM, Miaulin said:

seriously it's like i got caught running circles in a revolving door and then finally got out...and ran smack-slap into a brick wall. oooooof! still feeling quite boggled...

 

This sounds awful but is also one of the best pieces of writing I've read today.  :D  You bring sunshine into every day and I'm excited to see what you've got shaking in 2019!!

 

BESIDES THE POM-POMS!!!!

 

6f1fbf7baeb25adcf1f89b6cbcdcef4b.gif 

 

... oh, wrong kind of poms.  ;) 

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SKY ELVENWORD NOBLEHEART

The Silver Archer, Ranger Level 53

Jesus-follower | Writer | Encourager | Resident Myers-Briggs and Enneagram Geek 

"Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people." - Fred Rogers

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 *another week having been lost to the void* ah  heck


um. so, i think it was Sunday Morning, local Momcat had her babies. there were four and the next day there were five and now there are four again because i found number five dead in the nest today, so that was pretty sad. i'm so glad we'll be able to get momcat spayed soon!

 

still in a weird headspace, nice little dash of self-loathing in there, general weird feelings as usual. Gonna try the You Have One Job method and just try to get the morning right, or just try to get my workout in, or something. i have managed to do some writing that was going to be the Challenge Write-Up Narrative-y Thingo but it's in a weird like Bilbo Baggins slash The Way They Wrote Letters In Like the Nineteenth Century Or Something style which is. not what i expected. anyway, still having loads of trouble focusing so if i can't force myself to actually go edit those first two posts this thread might just be here for looks? i need to pay attention to other people's threads, i've been the worst friend ever for this past always. ( disclaimer that was not meant to sound Miserable or anything )

 

The Food Stuff i Mentioned Earlier But Which Is Just Me Unnecessarily Over-Complicating Everything Below the Cut

Spoiler

Yeah so this has kind of Always been a thing it's just that i'm getting kinda tired of it, but the thing is i am by no means overweight and have always been pretty much 'average' for my height...i can't seem to gain much no matter how much i eat, and it never lasts long...but it's still a recurring thing to kind of worry about weight gain or feel much much bigger/heavier than i actually am. i'm also often grossed out by enthusiasm over food beyond a certain point, and the entire weightloss culture, and sometimes get squeamish about food in general which might or might not be related.

 

 i have kind of grown up with a metric heck-ton of some pressure in that regard but i just feel like a horrible and vain person for even worrying about this, as if gaining weight is some terrible thing, plus it strikes me as wrong of me to be having these thoughts, like it's insulting to the people with real struggles.

 

so i mean sometimes i'll go ahead and eat something i feel iffy about just to prove to myself that i can, but a lot of the time i feel bad about eating even if it's something healthy and i'm not sure how to Stop Doing That.

 

( i know probably all of the related factors to this as far as, fear of loss of control, check, social pressure, check, low self esteem, check, feeling ugly most of the time, check...just don't know what to do about it? )

 

and that's the latest episode of Miaulin Creates Problems For Herself :) ( i swear this isn't meant to sound melodramatic and angsty and i'm not actually over here wallowing in despair )

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Matthew 25:34-40

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1 hour ago, Miaulin said:

The Food Stuff i Mentioned Earlier But Which Is Just Me Unnecessarily Over-Complicating Everything Below the Cut

 

So for context I do and have suffered with eating disorders (plural) so my perspective here is from way down the rabbit hole and from your descriptions I really don't think you are in here with me. Nothing you say strikes me as petty and trivial. You recognise that there are some pretty powerful emotions tied in with food and how we eat and with the weight loss culture that we are in and you are concerned about how that makes you feel. That is all valid. But I don't really have answers for you beyond what you started to do here. Acknowledge it, explore it and talk to people about it. It really helps. 

  • Like 1

strava - myfitnesspal - Instagram

2019 Roadmap

Spoiler

 

" Always aim for something stupidly crazy." - Charlie Quinn

2019 Races: Cliveden MTR 06/01 | Nuts Challenge 02/03 | Reading Half Marathon 17/03 | W.A.R 27/04 | RRDW 11/05 | Nuclear Oblivion 19/05 | Man vs Lakes 20/07 | Spartan Trifecta Weekend 05-06/10 | OCRWC 11-13/10

 

Current Challenge: First Steps

Previous Challenges: 12 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24

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19 hours ago, Miaulin said:

and that's the latest episode of Miaulin Creates Problems For Herself :) ( i swear this isn't meant to sound melodramatic and angsty and i'm not actually over here wallowing in despair )

 

But if you ever NEED to be angsty it's perfectly fine and normal and we are always here to support you!!! <3 <3

Tell me, if you had the strength to take another step, could you do it?

Level ?? Bard & Monk of the Furious Heart

STR.55  DEX.43 STA.48 CON.51 WIS.53 CHA.65

 

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On 1/15/2019 at 3:20 PM, Miaulin said:

still having loads of trouble focusing so if i can't force myself to actually go edit those first two posts this thread might just be here for looks

 

Yep, that's def. my thread too. No sweat.  :) 

 

On 1/15/2019 at 3:20 PM, Miaulin said:

The Food Stuff i Mentioned Earlier But Which Is Just Me Unnecessarily Over-Complicating Everything Below the Cut

 

Food and eating can be so much more complicated than simply putting nutritious materials in our mouth and digesting them - eating is social, cultural, personal, something for pleasure and something for fuel ... there are so many factors associated with it, so it's not at all surprising that something about it is feeling weird to you, especially if you're feeling a little off-balance in other areas of your life right now too. 

 

I agree with Jon that these things bothering you don't sound like "disorders" as such, like something you should get very worried about, but I also understand some of where you're coming from. There's still so much negativity associated with gaining weight, being overweight, or even looking overweight that it can feel a bit paralyzing, even if you aren't overweight at all. 

 

One thing that helps me when I'm hearing the "you're going to get fat" voice is to try thinking about my food as fuel, instead of something that I'm doing just because I want to. My body needs fuel to help it move, think, breathe, and heal; it can't do any of that if I don't give it food. I don't know if that mindset shift will help you - it doesn't even help me all the time, especially when I know I've gone way beyond the "fueling" stage to the "indulging" stage - but when you're eating healthy food in normal amounts, you're doing exactly what you need to be doing.

 

It's definitely complicated and not always easy, though, so please don't worry too much if you're feeling weird about things. And like Shaar said, even if you do need to get melodramatic and despairing once in a while, we don't care!! We're here for that too!  :D  :D  :D 

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SKY ELVENWORD NOBLEHEART

The Silver Archer, Ranger Level 53

Jesus-follower | Writer | Encourager | Resident Myers-Briggs and Enneagram Geek 

"Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people." - Fred Rogers

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*foolishness deleted, carrying-on commencing*

 

Latest Family Crisis has officially derailed this Challenge for the foreseeable future. Best i'm going to be able to do is get serious about going for walks and try harder with my 'school' work despite the focus issues.

 

Matthew 25:34-40

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2 hours ago, Salinger said:

Are you ok Mia?xx

 

oh aye - only mom's injured and we have to wait to get it seen about, and it's uncertain how that's to turn out when we can, and so the meanwhile is uncomfortably reminiscent of stuff with my late grandma back in 2016, just thankfully without the inevitability of death. the whole situation is stirring up my verymost unhelpful feelings, but last night i had initially posted much too negatively about it. Thank you for your concern mon amie! :)

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Matthew 25:34-40

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For a calmer version of last night's rambling, re: the food thing,

 
 

Spoiler

 

i still feel kind of bad for posting about it to start with, but am really very grateful for the reassurance and encouragement. even knowing the Rangers, i'd half-expected to be told off. My late grandma had a habit of saying i had an eating disorder despite my protests to the contrary, but if it had been true or if i'd told her or anyone else in my family about my concerns regarding food/weight, i know it would have been taken as a personal insult and the advice would have been to Get Over It.

 

the other, probably more influencing part of it is...kind of medical? my late grandma was very much overweight, which contributing to problems with her hip, which contributed to never being able to lose the weight, which contributed to even less mobility and more pain. it was one of the reasons the doctors wouldn't do her hip surgery many years ago, and was a contributing factor to her death. now it's the same with mom. less severe, but the whole time we're waiting to be able to get her proper help, we're also stuck with the fact that nobody in the house can move her if it became necessary.

 

so that's all knotted up with the images i still have of various family members in hospital beds, grandma being the most recent, and i'm a bit frightened of it.

 

the other layer is that i'm the only person in my immediate family- and most of the estranged extended family as well - who isn't some degree overweight. mom used to constantly refer to me as her 'healthy kid' to other people and would always ask the pediatrician to lecture me about eating, grandma always said i had a disorder ( because i was 'picky' as a child and to this day when i'm 'not hungry' or just don't feel like eating, it's really hard for me to override that ) and, maybe just because this is the #South, most of the time when i turn down someone's offer of food they'll ask if i'm on a diet or, on one occasion, if i'm "trying to maintain my 'schoolgirl' figure". one time i wore two jackets because it was cold out and someone immediately remarked that i'd gained weight and was looking healthier. so there's this irrational notion that for some related reason beyond my current powers of articulation i must avoid gaining weight...despite a bit of a pressing need to do just that as without any deliberate actions on my part my ribs and hipbones have become a little more visible of late than seems exactly normal.

 

and the last bit to the melodrama is just that my mother and grandma didn't begin significant weight gain until their twenties, i am now 22 and the recurring Intrusive Thought has been that that doesn't mean i'm 'safe', which is a stupid and meanspirited thing to think and i'd slap myself for it if that was at all a reasonable solution.

 

so to cap it all off, it's just a tangled web of intrusive thoughts...i do okay with my other intrusive thoughts but with these, i hate myself for having them because they feel...maybe mean and bully-like in a way? everything else is fairly easy to counter but this just feels more like an indicator that i'm a Bad Person at heart.

 

anyway, thanks so much for listening! <3 <3

 

 

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Matthew 25:34-40

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