Seabright's 2019 Battle Log of Awesomeness

[Seabright]

Thurs, June 6

 

Working from home in my new little garden office today. Yay!

 

Notes:

• Little Dolly-kins doesn't really understand the door. She keeps looking in and calling me, but when I open the door, she skitters off (only to  come back as soon as the door is closed). I don't want to push a hole in my brand new wall for a cat door, so we're going to have to figure this one out together.
• The point of this office waaaaay out in the yard was so that I could finally have a place to work in peace. Still interrupted, though. :-)

 

Eating

• Breakfast - eggs with spinach, bells, onions, 2.5 turkey sausage.
• Lunch - chicken strips. fail.
• Snacks - applesauce.
• Dinner -  turkey breast and green beans.

Exercise

• Meditation - 4+ minutes. Interrupted almost immediately.
• Yoga - stretching and twisting.
• Walk - none.
• Knee -  still okay. skipped my rolling and foaming and knee-ing for the third day in a row, though. too easy to become complacent here.

Taking time

• Stepped out of the office a time or two to sit in the garden with Dolly.

Bravery

• Pushed back on a mandatory in-person weekly 2-hour Friday lunch meeting, proposed by the new director. I think (hope) I did it repectfully. A Friday meeting like this is really a cultural no-no at this place. 
• He pushed back, too, on my push-back, and asked if I would consider coming in just for this meeting, then go back home to complete the day. I alllllmost caved, because it would be easier and make me look all collaborative and reasonable and stuff, but then realized that he really was being unreasonable. I responded that with a 3-hour roundtrip commute, it doesn't make sense to come in for one meeting, even it if it's going to be with some really cool people and involve a free lunch. At that point, he added a video number.

Notice something beautiful

• My new office walls are wonderful!
• I realized that Dolly doesn't want to come in, it's that she wants me to come out. ;-)
  
   

[Seabright]

Fri, June 7

 

Eating

• Breakfast - eggs and sausage patties.
• Lunch - more chicken strips.
• Dinner - turkey burger, no bun, no sauce, a handful of sweet potato fries.

Exercise

• Meditation - 7 minutes, first thing. Figured if I only ever have time for one thing, it should be this. Now starting the day this way, and then let the chips fall where they may.
• Yoga - more stretching and twisting - roughly 20 mins.
• Walk - nada.
• Knee -  whoa. MAJOR twinge going up the back stairs. Like, scary major. Dang.

Taking time

• Got up early and went to get breakfast to go from The Buttery. Chilly morning, but nice.

Bravery

• On deck: Stay calm and controlled during the meeting today. Don't get bossy around the remote thing. Say something like, are you guys open to hearing what's worked well on teams I've worked on in the  past with remote members? or something non-threatening. Have a list ready. Turn OFF slack, 'cause it's a bandwidth hog.
• Update: Hit and miss. Managed to stay calm and not complain, but was hampered by the fact the video kept winking in and out...the ENTIRE meeting. Not the best time to tout how seamless it can be to work with a remote team. BWAHAHAahahahahahaha chuckle chortle snort. 

Notice something beautiful

• The garden is gorgeous right now!

[Seabright]

Sat & Sun, June 8-9

 

Weekend update, in no particular order: 

• Really felt like I needed a weekend off from the coaching app. So I didn't log anything.
• Ate pretty well all weekend. Cooked 2 breakfasts and 2 dinners my own self.
• 90+ outside all weekend. In Santa Cruz. Kah-razy.
• Instead of hiking, worked for hours in the garden, preparing a new bed, removing a huge shrub, and other stuff.
• Clif Bars and Jamba consumed during garden work.
• Didn't meditate, yoga-ize, or do any other formal movement, but still exhausted and sore on Sunday from the Saturday yard-work onslaught.
• Didn't have any more knee twinges, and reeeeeaaaaallllly focused on body mechanics during my 50 trips up and down the back stairs. 
• Picked up the 25 pound bag of planting mix BY MYSELF, and refilled the 20 gal pot with refreshed soil. By myself. (<- Did I mention that I didn't need any help?)
• Visited my little daddy, but he was asleep. Sleeping longer and longer, now, as the world turns around him and he prepares for the journey ahead.
• Put out a new door mat for my little garden office. Dolly-kins saw it, came trotting over, sharpened her claws on it for a full 5 minutes, and then settled down on her brisket to hang out with me while I drank my morning tea. It is now hers.

 

[Seabright]

Mon, June 10

 

Another week a-startin' and another chance to be awesome. Yay!

 

Eating

• Breakfast - eggs, spinach, bells, and onions, and 3 turkey sausage patties (spousal unit gave him half of his).
• AM Snack - poppyseed bagel with nothing on it.
• Lunch - turkey sandy, wheat bread, no cheese, no mayo/sauce/mustard.
• Dinner - a warm evening! we just don't have those around here, even in summer. based in it, and went to the brewery to sit outside on the patio. salmon fish and chips (all the salmon, just a few of the chips), pint of red. felt pretty awesome and relaxed...until about 2 hours later when i felt like hell. 

Exercise

• Meditation - 7 minutes.
• Yoga - a few minutes getting moving while making tea. not a whole lot, but enough to loosen up and feel better.
• Walk - 99. too hot. didn't do it.
• Knee - foamed, did all my knee exercises, then stretched. felt much better. i might even be getting stronger, but it's hard to tell.

Taking time

• Warm morning. Walked out into the garden at 5:15am with the little graykins, and watched rosy-fingered dawn spread across the eastern sky.

Bravery

• On deck: don't talk or volunteer or 'be the cheerleader' in the meeting today. upon a lot of reflection, i think i've been behaving as if we are equals, and he has something to learn from me, and i've been posturing a bit and in interaction mode. and that's not cool.  i think the best way forward is for me to take a RIGID back seat for a while. and, just, you know, calm the frack down.
• Update: i think i did okay. worked hard not to say a peep (very difficult for me yowzah). i chimed in in appropriate places, but didn't belabor any points. was quiet and supportive. at least, that's how i hope it came off.

Notice something beautiful

• What a wonderful warm evening!

[Seabright]

Tues, June 11

 

Eating

• Breakfast - too hot to cook. had a morning bun (not super-sweet), and some pound cake (super-sweet).
• Lunch - BBQ at work, but nothing really looked appealing. Had some questionable chicken and potato salad.
• Dinner - turkey breast and green beans.
• Snack - mini clif bar, diet coke.

Exercise

• Meditation - 7 minutes. Am loving this.
• BWW - Did in the evening and logged in the app. 
• Knee - Foamed and stretched.

Taking time

• Another lovely morning. Went out in my pajamas with Dolly and watered some plants. Stood for a moment and took it all in.

Bravery

• Hey, update on the in-person friday meeting. i've been pretty torn, and have been looking at coming in every other friday, and then maybe wfh on some other day. not happy, but want to be respectful of the new guy and how he'd like to run his team (even though i don't report to him). have been trying to find ways to look on the bright side (knock off early now and then to compensate for the extra 3 hours in the car?). it's been a bit of a struggle to mentally bring myself around. i think he lacks empathy for folks on his team (he lives 5 mins from here, but the average commute on the team is 1.5 hours one way), but i had to acknowledge that's not really something i can change or control (or even influence--someone has empathy or they don't). anyway, have been giving this a lot of thought, and had come 'round to just caving in, and hoping that in time he would modernize the way he works. 
• this morning he sent me a personal note to say he wanted to move the meeting to Wed, because he really would like me there in person, and did 3-4:30pm work?
• wow. this was completely unexpected. i'm wondering if he circled back to his original comment to me when i told him about my dad? ('I respect that, but...' --- which always means, 'I don't respect that...')
• who knows what happens inside someone else's head? i'm just grateful he was willing to adjust. this says to me that i, too, need to be willing to be the one to adjust next time. 
• i'm putting this in the bravery section. i was clear, i was repectful, i was firm, but i was willing to flex and find a way. 

Notice something beautiful

• Red shouldered hawk on the lamp post in front of the house. Whoa!

[Seabright]

Weekend update (June 15-16)

 

Some stuff, in no particular order:

• Caffeine-free all weekend. 
• Eating pretty good, but I allowed myself to step out a bit here and there, in light of the caffeine-free-ness. 
• Had a nice Fathers' Day with Dad. He seemed bright and perky, although for the first time he didn't know how to use the phone. He also seemed to have trouble remembering his youngest son. I think I took these things much more calmly than I would have 6 months ago. We all laughed, took some pictures, and went outside to sit in the sun.
• 4-mile hike in the redwoods. By myself. At 7:30am. Cool and quiet and definitely not as hard as the 3.5 mile hike we took a couple weeks ago. I saw a side trail that I'd like to try next time--that would bring the hike to 4.5 mils. 

[Seabright]

Mon, June 17

 

Eating

• Breakfast - eggs with spinach, bells, onions, 2 turkey sausage.
• Lunch - 2 packs of crackers, 2 fig bars.
• Dinner - chicken breast w/veggies.
• Snacks - applesauce.

Exercise

• Meditation - 11 minutes.
• Walk - 2 miles after work. Added in some baby speed-walking intervals, too. Note: didn't have a real lunch, and found this made that walk MUCH harder (bonked and got light-headed). 

Taking time

• Left a few minutes early, so I could drop by the alterations place. (Side note: pants and skirt being taken IN. Wait. What? Fact.)

Bravery

• On deck: create my plan.
• Update: didn't do.

Notice something beautiful

• Lovely gardens on my walk. 

[Seabright]

Tue, June 18

 

Eating

• Breakfast - eggs with spinach, bells, onions, 2 turkey sausage.
• Lunch - salad w/chicken and veggies, walnuts and cranberries.
• Snacks - piece of chocolate layer cake. felt dreadful afterwards.

Exercise

• Meditation - 10 mins
• Walk - 2 miles of line dancing. DRENCHED in sweat by the end of it.
• BWW - done in the late evening.

Taking time

• A few moments in the garden with Dolly before jetting out to the next thing.

Bravery

• On deck: create my plan.
• Update: nice start! feeling much better about things in general.

Notice something beautiful

• The mountain garland has really taken off. 5 feet of fuchsia-purpleness!

[Seabright]

Fri-Sun, June 21-23

 

Random thought: when I get in to work a tad late, I drop this log. And then I feel vaguely unbalanced the rest of the day. 

 

Upshot: It's okay to oversleep a tad or take my time in the morning before hitting the road. That said, this log is the priority when I get in to the office. It keeps me grounded and on-track with food and movement throughout the day. Plus - annual goals! GOOOOOOAAAAALS! Past time for another check-in.

 

Must. Make. Time.

 

Eating

• Breakfasts - breakfast sandies Fri & Sat...with the croissant, but not the cheese.
• Lunches - mostly good. chicken strips and fries on one day.
• Dinners - mostly good. fish tacos w/rice and flour tortillas on one day.

Also had 1/2 glass red wine two nights. Slept like hell, so that's not a habit I'll be keeping up. 

 

Exercise

• Meditation - 11 mins, trending to 12. 
• Yoga - Standing poses, twists, and gettin' movin'
• Walk - 2 miles before breakfast Fri am. Nice 5-mile hike Sunday morning.
• BWW - Done on Fri and logged.

Taking time

• Paused to read a new memorial stone that's appeared near the bench on the cliff. Remembering 2 young people, who I did not know, but were clearly loved.
• Sat in my office in the early am one day, and thought about this and that.
• Volunteered to go to the grocery store.

Bravery

 

What's more important - culture or craft? I would say, unless craft is kick-ass incredible and off the chart, it has to be culture. 

 

Sigh.

• On deck Fri: Find out about how to put together a formal coaching plan for someone who needs to be transitioned out of the organization.
• Update: Did the research, but found myself reeeeeaaaaalllllly reluctant to give up on this person (because it does feel like giving up). Thinking I need to talk with my mentor on this and get some guidance.

Notice something beautiful

• The dunes are being restored! The incredible biology teacher at the local elementary school has spearheaded the coolest project on the planet, teaching the kids about plant biology and restoring habitat at the same time. AMAZING! I heard burrowing owls have returned to the area, after an absence of over 20 years. WOW! WOW! WOW!
• Fell in love with an oil painting. Took a picture. ;-)
• Bought Dad a summer hat and he LOVES it! He asked me to write his name inside the band ;-)
  
  

[Seabright]

Mon, June 24

 

Took my time this morning. Got in late. Got through the day with the minimum of kerfuffle. 

 

Eating

• Breakfasts - eggs w/spin, bells, onions and turkey sausages.
• Lunches - salad w/chicken and veggies, topped with a few dried cranberries.
• Dinners - chicken teriyaki bowl with the egg roll. need to plan better.
• Snack - plan bagel with nothing on it, and then some applesauce when I got home.

 

Exercise

• Meditation - 10 mins in the car when I got to work.
• BWW - Done and logged. Note to self: REALLY watch the head-neck body mechanics, now that I'm doing kneeling push-ups. Felt a little twinge. Time for a form check, methinks.

Taking time

• Watered the plants, then played with Dolly on the patio when I got home. My little baby.

Bravery

• Talked to my little person about how she's doing, and tried to get at the heart of things. I think there's a disconnect between her ambition, where she perceives she's at, and where I think she's at. I would love to help her, but I know this isn't something I can control. The desire to change (and recognizing the need to change and grow), has to come from her.
• Maybe I can help her with a plan, though. Following it or not following it is up to her, but helping her craft a roadmap might be something I can do. 

Notice something beautiful

• Red-shouldered hawk flew across the mountain road and into the redwoods on the other side. 
  
   

[Seabright]

Tue, June 25

 

Eating

• Breakfast - veggie omelet with tons of spinach, and 2 strips bacon, and 1 pork, 1 turkey, and 1 vegan sausage. The breakfast guy went crazy on me. ;-)
• Lunch - salad with chicken, veggies, and dried cranberries. (Note: time to drop the dried cranberries. I'm only eating them because they are sweet.)
• Dinner - tofu and brown rice teriyaki bowl.
• Snacks - mini-crackers on the drive home, applesauce after line dancing class.

 

Exercise

• Meditation - 11 mins in front of the fireplace, first thing.
• Yoga - cow-cats, twists, couches, and some stuff to loosen and relax my upper back and shoulders.
• Line dancing - holy smokes! this looks like it should be so easy, but I'm exhausted and sweating buckets by the end of it. all those little old ladies are kicking my butt.

Taking time

• Stole a quick moment on the warm paving stones of the patio with Dolly. She rolled around and chirped at me, and showed my how nicely her tummy fur is growing back in.

Bravery

• On deck: Make Plan A really crisp. Name names. Turn it into a clear roadmap. And find a way to be vulnerable while I'm at it.
• Update: That got derailed by something else, also requiring bravery.
• The something else: Lost my very first employee today. My little new-hire resigned. Personal reasons.
• The bravery upshot: I love everyone on my team, and this helped me probe more deeply into what was going on with her. My showing how much I really really care about HER gave her the opportunity to open up and share something painful. My regret here is that she didn't feel comfortable sharing this with me earlier. That's a failure on my part, and one I'm taking to heart. How can I help my team know that I care about them, as people? I want to know about the whole person, not just the 9-5 one. 
• Reflection: I think I'm going to start sharing my own personal moments with my team. Model the behavior. This will be a challenge for me, as I also tend to hide that stuff from others at work. I want people to know that they can bring their whole authentic selves into the office. i need to show them that's not only okay, but good and healthy.

Notice something beautiful

• SUCH a beautiful morning! Walked to the cafe in Building 6 in the cool of the day. Lovely. 

 

 

General thoughts I'm having today:

 

I think I need a REAL vacation. I'm taking a few days off next week, but we're still afraid to go anywhere. I'd love to find a way to do something big again --- maybe not Tanzania, but, say, Glacier or Yellowstone. It could be next year. 

 

In the meantime, I think i need to treat next week as if we were from out of town, and we're going to do groovy stuff nearby. I had been planning on building my epic new garden bed with the charming dry-stacked stone wall, but we won't be ready to start until the end of July. Just booked a trip on the local chartered catamaran for Tuesday afternoon, so that's one thing. Maybe we can plan a couple of bigger hikes. I'd love to try the Waterfall-Mesa loop trail in Carmel Valley. Fall Creek has good hiking, too, and we've never been there. 

 

Go to the movies? Check out the arboretum? Hmmmm.

 

Planning! I love planning!

[Valkyrie21]

On 6/13/2019 at 1:36 AM, Seabright said:

Weekend update (June 15-16)

 

Some stuff, in no particular order:

• Caffeine-free all weekend. 

Impressive, did you get withdrawals? I wish I could lay off coffee every now and then but the most shocking headache wakes my up in the middle of the night from withdrawals.

[Seabright]

Hey, Valkyrie21! My darling, my own!

 

The withdrawal piece was interesting. (Pro tip from my brother: good ol' Bayer aspirin will banish the headache in 20 minutes, without introducing more caffeine into your system.)

 

The headache popped up a couple of times over the first 3 days, but Bayer'd it away easily. The REAL withdrawal symptoms, the truly insidious no-one-really-talks-about-it-that-much withdrawal symptoms, surface as you battle the alterations in your brain chemistry. Depression, feelings of persecution, irritability...that stuff was much harder. The irritability I knew was coming and was ready for it, and so isolated myself from other humans as much as possible during the first 2 days.

 

The other stuff, though. Well, my my, how it did linger. Like, for a couple of weeks. That I wasn't prepared for, and ultimately was the cause of me stopping in at Starbucks this morning for a cup of that evil, evil stuff. Oh, dark  mother, once again I suckle at your smokey teat. 

 

I'm going to try again, though, starting Friday morning. I'm taking all next week off, and have plans for lots and lots of strenuous exercise and hopefully some sailing fun-time. When I go back to work on July 8, I've got a plan for addressing those downer symptoms (meditation, journaling, time outs, walks around the building, more exercise). Also, knowing those hidden symptoms may last up to a month will help me better understand what's going on, and keep my eyes on the prize. 

 

I can do this thing.

 

I am awesome.

 

And so are you, Valkyrie21.

 

Walk the straight and narrow, Rebel, and stay strong and true!

[Seabright]

Wed, June 26

 

Overslept by an hour and a half. Oy. 

 

Skipped the meditation, yoga, shower, and breakfast in order to get on the road to make it in for my 9am 1/1 with a colleague. Who canceled at 9:05am. 

 

But, hey. This is the new me: Whatever.

 

Eating

• Breakfast - weird morning bun thingie from Starbucks. may go forage later.
• Lunch - salad w/chicken and veggies. skipped the cranberries.
• Dinner - veggie burger on a whole wheat bun, no sauce.
• Snacks - mini crackers, applesauce.

 

Exercise

• Meditation - 10 mins
• BWW - done and logged.

Taking time

• A few deep breaths when I got home. 

Bravery

• Thinking about my reflections from yesterday, I shared that pic of my little daddy in his new hat on our Slack channel. This was a big deal for me, the first time I've shared something personal with my team.

Notice something beautiful

• White clouds in the summer sky.

 

 

[Seabright]

Thur, June 27

 

Oh, will my vacation never get here? I'm doing good, but gettin' a touch tired. 

 

Eating

• Breakfast - eggs w/spin, bells, onions, and 2 turkey sausages.
• Lunch - hideous fail. working lunch, and the only offering was pizza. at least it was vegetarian. 
• Dinner - the hideousness continues. late to gig, no time to eat, ended up with greasy fish and chips at 8:30pm. also had a beer, to help me get through the train-wreck of a gig. fail. went to be feeling HORRIBLE.
• Snacks - 3 small (1 bite) chocolates;  1 choc chip cookie.

 

Exercise

• Meditation - 10 mins. Would have been 11, but kitty kat decided to help out during that last minute.
• Walk - took a last-minute pick-up gig instead. what a mistake! would MUCH rather have said No to the gig, so I couldn't have had a nice evening walk. Oh well. Next time, I'll know.

Taking time

• Bought a hat, just like Dad's. :-)

Bravery

• On deck: open the req; be kind to my departing employee; communicate communicate communicate.
• Update: did pretty well. got through all the things. my departing employee didn't communicate as effectively as I'd hoped, but i was kind to her, and picked up the slack. lots of communicating, all over the joint.

Notice something beautiful

• Lovely warm evening at the summit. The one bright spot to that gig.

 

[Seabright]

Fri, June 28

 

Eating

• Breakfast - eggs and sausage patties.
• Lunch - chicken teriyaki bowl w/eggroll.
• Dinner - the other tofu and brown rice bowl.
• Snacks - 2 margaritas and a boatload of ruffled potato chips.

 

Exercise

• Meditation - 12 mins. Needed every second of it.
• Walk - Nope.

Taking time

• Invited friends over to play music, but didn't get any time to myself. Feeling it.

Bravery

• On deck: get through the day without breaking anything. Work hard, be kind, take pride.

Notice something beautiful

• Little Dolly, sitting on her brisket on the door mat of my garden office. Door is open, and she wants to be close by. 

[Seabright]

Sat & Sun, June 29 & 30

 

Eating

• Breakfast - all good.
• Lunch - all good.
• Dinner - all good.
• Snacks - 1 beer on Sat, applesauce, 3 clif bars while hiking.

 

Exercise

• Meditation - 12 mins, both days.
• Yoga - 40 mins, both days.
• Walk - 3.5-mile hike on Sun. Rigorous!

Taking time

• Hike was on my ownsome. Got lost, so there was some anxiety, but followed the creek and it all worked out.

Bravery

• No caffeine. Slight headache quickly neutralized with some aspirin, but the general feelings of irritation are really overwhelming. Hope they stop soon. 

Notice something beautiful

• Toy Story 4. 

[Seabright]

Mon July 1

 

Taking 3 days off in addition to July 4 & 5 from the company. But feeling incredibly stressed out about it, for some reason. I know it's the caffeine withdrawal, but nothing seems to be going right - little sailing trip got canceled by the yacht harbor, horrible snafu with Dad's van registration which involved standing in long lines, then it didn't pass the smog check, went to get that desk I like, and the shop owner was awol, looked at the calendar and realized that between the 2 of us we have gigs every day, so we can't even take a day trip anywhere. 

 

Feeling very depressed about all of this. The van thing isn't over yet, either, since we have to go back for a smog recheck, and then return to the registration desk for another round. I want my brain to calm down. This isn't catastrophic. It's just stuff that has to get done, and the good news is that I have a day off to do it. It's just that I pictured something very very different for this week, and all I'm going to be doing is errands and laundry.

 

Okay. Done. Feeling sorry for myself and a bit weepy and it's really groundless. Caffeine withdrawal, insidious caffeine withdrawal.

 

Update: Went to the gig up in Oakland and had a lot of fun. Came back to my car to find that someone had smashed the rear passenger side window. :-(

 

Eating

• Breakfast - veggie omelette, 2 sausage patties.
• Lunch - turkey and green beans.
• Dinner - more turkey and green beans. 
• Snacks - applesauces, 2 butter cookies, chips and guac at the gig, no alcohol. 

 

Exercise

• Meditation - 12 mins
• Yoga - 30 mins
• Walk - 2-hour bass-playing gig equivalent.

Taking time

• FINALLY FINALLY I HAVE 2 FREAKIN' SECONDS TO MYSELF!
• Finally.
• Updating my log. Then outta here for the 2+ hour drive to Oakland.

Bravery

• None.
• Well, amend that. Didn't cry.

Notice something beautiful

• My new desk really does look nice in my office. 

[Seabright]

Tue July 2

 

More car stuff, smog re-checks, filing claim for smashed window, and general AAA fun-time.

 

Eating

• Breakfast - scrambled eggs with onions and bell peppers, 2.5 turkey sausages.
• Lunch - turkey and green beans.
• Dinner - more turkey and green beans. 
• Snacks - applesauces, 1 morning bun thingie.

 

Exercise

• Meditation - 12 mins
• Yoga - 30 mins
• Line dancing - left there with the sweat just rolling off of me. whoa.

Taking time

• Got a cup of decaf with a tiny splash of regular at Starbucks, and sat outside in the sunshine before getting back at it.

Bravery

• None to speak of.

Notice something beautiful

• Warm morning sun, very very light breeze, feet up, quiet and slow.

[Seabright]

Wed July 3 - Wed July 10

 

Wow, gee. Once I get out of a habit, I really get out of a habit.

 

In the meantime, lots of stuff happened. Here are some random highlights and thoughts, in no particular order:

 

• Rebooked the sail thingie to the Saturday Sunset Sail. Beer, wine, great snacks included. Gorgeous evening, calm seas, light breeze, great sailing. It was really fantastic, and worth the wait. We'll be doing this again, at least once more before the end of the summer. 
• Finally built that wall by the patio. Killer-long work day, but incredibly satisfying. Now, if I can just keep the new plantings alive.
• Day trip to Cambria and Morro Bay, where we had lunch, looked at an antique store, then stopped at an art gallery and ended up buying a little aquatint. Like adults and stuff.
• Read a little bit. 
• Went back on caffeine. One cuppa in the red cactus cup in the am was enough to get my brain chemistry back on track.
• FANTASTIC hike on Sunday! Best one so far. Details below.
• AWESOME time at line dancing class on Tuesday. Still astonished at the mighty sweat I work up during this hour and a half. Turns out, though, this was the last class until September (teacher taking Aug off). Someone there clued me in to a big intermediate class that happens on Wednesdays, although she said they went very fast and that it was sort of intimidating. 
• Did one workout, but not the other. Meditation on most days but not on others.
• Worked out of my garden office and it was lovely.
• Nice times just hangin' with the spousal unit in the evenings. We've had WARM evenings! Unheard of for us--it usually gets pretty dang chilly by 6pm around here.
• Many sweet moments with this kitty in the garden. 
• New routine: One cuppa in the red cup on the front porch of my little garden office. Sweet and slow and quiet (except, of course, for kitty-kins who can't bear to have me out of her sight, now that she's learning how to be a regular cat).
• Next time, cancel gigs and other obligations as if we were going out of town. That will help to contribute to the feeling of vacation-osity.

 

HIKING REPORT

 

The hike on Sunday was really wonderful, and full of bravery moments. I had plenty of excuses for not going at all: had to go by myself, was getting a little tired of Nisene but not sure where else to go that was solo-hiker friendly, my car was still out of commission so I would have to drive my dad's wheelchair van, there was a mountain of laundry all over the bedroom floor, and 2 days-worth of dirty dishes in the sink, it was already getting a little late to get started, etc etc etc. Bravery: I turned my back on it all, walked out the door, and drove up to the Henry Cowell redwoods for what turned out to be the best hike so far.

 

I found parking in the shade and took off down the main redwood grove path. About a half-mile in I cut over to the river trail and then made my way out to Eagle Creek and the trail head there. As soon as I passed under the train trestle the crowd thinned out and I was quickly on-my-owning it up the first part of Eagle Creek. So lovely, so cool and quiet, with enough water in the creek to sound sweet and low. Trail was steep-ish but doable, and so beautiful. I think I smiled the whole time. At one point, I saw a narrow unmarked side trail that seemed to call out to me, and I thought, what's up there? Bravery moment: I left the main trail to go find out. Was rewarded with a secret redwood, probably the biggest old growth tree in the whole park. A majestic elderly gentleman tree, with ancient burls, and spiraling red bark that went up up up. There was a bench nearby, with a dedication on it to another elderly gentleman, who loved the park and the trees and had generously given his time to teach others. A special quiet place. I touched his name, and then headed back out to the main path.

 

Farther up, the ecosystem changed from redwood forest to oak woodland, and I put on my hat and sunglasses and rolled down my sleeves. I hit the sand hill, too. At one point, I heard a knocking. Big knocking. Woodpecker? It would have to be a big one. A few steps farther and I saw her, low to the ground, hammering away at a rotting tree root. Wait...is that...it is! A pileated woodpecker! And while I watched and listened, out from the brushed hopped a baby, and mommy woodpecker fed her some yummy carpenter ants. OMG! OMG! A pileated woodpecker is feeding her baby right there 20 feet in front of me!!! I was beside myself. Then a trail runner came pounding along and they both disappeared. I just plain couldn't stop smiling for the next half mile.

 

Got to the observation deck, where I sat in the shade and ate my clif bar and rested a bit before heading back down. Eventually I took off, but in about a quarter mile i came to a trail marker and realized I was going totally and completely the wrong way. Too bad, because that quarter mile was DOWN and now I had to go back UP and figure out where I went wrong. Good thing I had learned about my crappy sense of direction on an earlier hike, and had the foresight to ask for a map at the ranger station before starting out.

 

Eventually found my way again, and ended up on a fantastic little ridge trail, where I balanced along a razorback for a little while. Views! More sand! Fire followers! Quiet! Smiling for so long at this point that my cheeks were aching. Eventually hit the redwoods again. Off with the hat and sunglasses, sleeves went back up, and I had a lovely hike all the way back down to the other side of Eagle Creek, and then finally down to the river. Brief rest for some water and to watch a family of acorn woodpeckers hide acorns in a giant redwood caching tree. That tree must have had 500 caching holes all up and down its trunk. Back toward the redwood grove, and now more folks around, and then finally to the visitors center and the nature store. At the store I bought banana slug refrigerator magnets as souvenirs for my work team, and rewarded myself with a pretty blue scarf covered in birds and flowers. 

 

5 of the best miles ever. 

 

Going again with the spousal unit next weekend, understanding that it will be a different experience with another person. Found a mile and a half extension to this hike on the map, which includes 2 river crossings (no bridges). Wading opportunities! That hike would be about 6.5 miles, and not sure if I'm ready for the distance. I think I will be in a couple of weeks, though. 

 

Can't wait!

 

 

[Seabright]

Thurs July 11

 

Back on track! She said, speaking assumptively about the future. 

 

Eating

• Breakfast - scrambled eggs with onions and bell peppers, 2.5 turkey sausages.
• Lunch - salad w/chicken, veggies, and cranberries on top
• Dinner - turkey burger, no bun, no sauce, no cheese. i did drink that last beer, though.
• Snacks - some applesauce, 1 banana, 1 weird protein bar just to try it (an exercise that will not be repeated)

 

Exercise

• Meditation - 10 mins. But, really, only sort of just staring at nothing doing nothing. Not intentional.
• Other exercise - nada.

Taking time

• Sat in the rocking chair, drinking that beer.

Bravery

• Spoke at the big team meeting today. I think it came off okay. Noticed that I wasn't as nervous as I usually am.

Notice something beautiful

• Path has been started!

[Seabright]

Fri, July 12

 

Feeling the heat at work. Didn't sleep last night. I'll journal the hell out of this situation, and find a way not to carry this stuff around with me.

 

Also, was just asked to fill in at another gig on the guitar on Sun 7/28, for the same group I'm helping out Saturday night 7/27. I'm also playing with the same people as a fill-in this Sunday afternoon. This will be after another gig this Saturday night.

 

Here's the funny thing: I don't think I want to be playing this much. Saturday night gigs mean that an early start for hiking on Sunday is out, and Sunday gigs mean hiking has to happen on Saturday, leaving me no time to do some of the big garden work I want to get done. So, too much gigging impacts my hiking goals, and takes away that valuable 'just taking time' time. Declining, though, runs the risk of not being asked again. Hmm.

 

I'm going to have to this about this one. The Big Goal for this year is to have More Fun. Is playing with this group that much fun? Fun enough to prioritize over other fun things? 

 

You know, put it like that and the answer is, 'No.' No, playing with these folks isn't more fun than going on the hike I'd planned. And if I did play with them and skip my hike (or didn't do the garden work I want to do), I would be vaguely resentful of them and mad at myself. Plus, Sunday gigs mean that I won't get to see my Dad. 

 

Okay. So, the answer is, 'Gee, thanks so much for asking! Unfortunately, I'm not available on Sunday.' And let the chips fall where they may.

 

Check that out for bravery. 

 

[Seabright]

Mon July 22

 

Been doing some deep thinking lately. Figgering some stuff out. Some conclusions drawn, others still sorta up in the air. Random thoughts, in no particular order:

• It's harder than you think it would be to stay true to yourself in the face of hierarchical pressures.
• Your life experiences can inform how you think and react. You can and should think back over the moments that have had an impact on you, the things that stand out, the things that you remember with fondness, gratitude, shame, or consternation, and lean on those moments to guide your behavior now, at this point in time.
• Speak the truth, even if your voice shakes.
• Come back to your foundation. Write it down. Read it. Come back to it again and again.
• A day without a few minutes of meditation is much harder than it needs to be.
• Yoga is great for feeling just generally better all around.
• A hike with a companion is a very nice thing in terms of a shared experience, but a solitary hike holds special joy for me. I don't need to be afraid to go it alone. Sometimes that might be just the thing I need.
• Stumbling over a week or two is not the end of the world. Your world is not destroyed, your life is not over. Finnegan, begin again.
• Under-promising actually leads to over-achieving in many cases.
• Be kind and always assume best intent. 

 

Eating

• Breakfast - scrambled eggs with spinach, onions, and bell peppers; 3 turkey sausages.
• Lunch - salad w/chicken, veggies, walnuts and cranberries.
• Snacks - plain bagel w/nothing on it (am); applesauce (pm).
• Dinner - turkey burger w/bbq sauce, no bun; mountain o' broc.

 

Exercise

• Meditation - 13.5 minutes
• Yoga - 15 minutes

Taking time

• Drove around looking for a gas station that wasn't crowded. You know, mindfully.

Bravery

• Took my little charts and my little speech to my director. Did the thing. Wrote out what I wanted to say and practiced it first. Did the thing.
• Outcome: triggered her to have a bigger conversation w/her peer group. So, yay.

Notice something beautiful

• OMG! OMG! A pair of hooded orioles in our yard! A once-every-couple-of-years sighting. The were all over the place, but spent a lot of time in our little oak tree. 
  
  

[Seabright]

Some principles at work:

 

I report to my own director, not this other person.

My team reports to me and my director, not this other person.

Speak gently and be kind.

Always look for the best in people. Everyone has their own story to tell.

[Seabright]

Tue July 23

 

Eating

• Breakfast - scrambled eggs with spinach, onions, and bell peppers; 3 turkey sausages.
• Lunch - salad w/chicken, veggies, walnuts and crans. Realizing that walnuts and crans are comfort foods. Will cut out the walls next time.
• Dinner - turkey and green beans.
• Snacks - banana.

 

Exercise

• Meditation - 15 minutes
• Yoga - 15 minutes
• Walking - 2.25 miles
• BWW - did yesterday's workout and logged in app.

Taking time

• Nice walk after work through the yacht harbor. 

Bravery

• Pushed back on the new director (again). Let him know that abandoning someone on my team and encouraging their departure because they are not perfect is not the type of manager I want to be. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, and my role as team 'coach' is to help everyone be the best they can be, not to turn my back on someone when it gets tricky.
• Outcome: I felt much better for standing my ground. Also, I realized that while I care about my career and professional life, being true to my beliefs and moral principles is far more important to me. Let the chips fall where they may. My ancestor Maximilian de Sully didn't tell Henry IV to do penance by standing barefoot in the snow in front of the poor for nothing. 

Notice something beautiful

• Finally lifting mine eyes unto the hills. Realizing again what a beautiful morning commute through the mountains I have.