Seabright's 2019 Battle Log of Awesomeness

[Seabright]

Wed July 24

 

Eating

• Breakfast - scrambled eggs with spinach, onions, and bell peppers; 3 turkey sausages.
• Lunch - salad w/chicken, veggies, cranberries, but no walnuts.
• Dinner - fish taco night at the brewery. 2 fish tacos, 2 prawn skewer thingies, 1 pint.
• Snack - 2 fig bars

 

Exercise

• Meditation - 15 minutes
• Yoga - 10 minutes of just getting moving.
• BWW - Done and logged.

Taking time

• Stopped at the garden center on the way home and strolled around looking for inspiration.

Bravery

• Talked to my manager and didn't rat anyone out.

Notice something beautiful

• Monarch butterfly gliding between the butterfly bushes and the milkweed display.

[Seabright]

Thurs July 25

 

Eating

• Breakfast - scrambled eggs with onions, and bell peppers; 3 turkey sausages. we were out of spinach.
• Lunch - turkey with green beans.
• Dinner - more turkey with more green beans. 1 margarita while playing music with friends.
• Snack - applesauce.

 

Exercise

• Meditation - 15 minutes
• Walk - 2.25 miles through the yacht harbor. 

Taking time

• Stopped at the dock, took a pic, and sent it to my bro in Montana. He used to live here in the misty long ago, and did a ton of sailing and racing back then. Told him I was thinking about lessons. 
• You know, when I win that lottery tomorrow night. :-)

Bravery

• Resisted the urge to gossip over the latest. Was professional and stayed on that high road. 
• Really really wanted to dish the dirt, though. :-)

Notice something beautiful

• Sailboats in the calm water of the bay.

[Seabright]

Fri July 26

 

Eating

• Breakfast - scrambled eggs and sausage patties.
• Lunch - chicken strips and fries. fail.
• Dinner - 2 fish tacos with flour tortillas and a little bit of rice.

Exercise

• Meditation - 18 minutes or so.
• Nuthin' else.

Taking time

• Sat on the new little hardscape in the middle of the dirt in the at-some-point-later-this-summer-it-will-be-a-garden area, drank a cup of coffee, and talked to Dolly while she chirped. 

Bravery

• Thought about how to help my team with that difficult thing. How to help them take the high road?
• Dunno yet, but I think I'm close to a plan.

Notice something beautiful

• The oriole is back! Right outside my garden office window!

[Seabright]

Sat July 27

 

Planning for the weekend. Decided that getting this big landscaping stuff done is on my mind, and I really want to do it. Decided to  prioritize this 'un. Also have a gig tonight. I'm sorry I took it, because it may mean not feeling up for a hike tomorrow morning. I'm going to leave that one open...I'll prepare today before heading to the gig, and if I'm up for it tomorrow, I shall make it so. If it doesn't happen, I'm not going to let it throw me like I did 2 weeks ago. The thing here is not to let this stuff stall me out completely. 

 

Eating

• Breakfast - veggie omelet and sausage patties at the harbor cafe.
• Lunch - chicken teriyaki bowl and an egg roll.
• Dinner - I don't remember.

 

Exercise

• Meditation - 18 1/2 mins.
• Yoga - 20 mins of twists and hip flexibility stuff.
• On deck: big gardening day. A-puttin' on my fitbit, and will track me some steppage.

Taking time

• Lazy early am in the soon-to-be-garden, a cup of coffee in my hand and a little gray kitty under my chair.

Bravery

• I did it! After YEARS of wanting to, I finally finally got up the courage to book a sailing lesson at the yacht harbor that I've walked through so many times. 

Notice something beautiful

• A pair of oak titmice eating bugs off the garden arch.

[Seabright]

This morning when I came in to work, there was a 'How to respond to an armed assailant' info card on my desk. In teeny tiny 7pt text, the little card explains what to do in an active shooter situation. Calling 911 is mentioned towards the bottom, along with a few tips on things to note about the shooter.

 

You know, if you're still alive in the aftermath.

 

Yesterday, in the little town of Gilroy just to the east of us, there was a shooting at the Garlic Festival. A huge, wonderful street-fest, the event is packed with cooking contests, music, art, and garlic ice cream cones. 

 

This morning, I came in to work feeling lost and sad, and, I dunno, hoping for some words of comfort from our leadership. Last year, with last year's CEO, we would have had an emotional email with words of comfort and, well, love, from the then-CEO. I would have felt watched-over in some way. 

 

But today I came in to find an info card telling me to 'Run, Hide, Fight'. And not to talk to or distract officers of the law while I'm evacuating. You know, assuming I'm still alive.

 

BRAVERY

 

I did the thing. I gave my heart and my words to my team. I had the impulse, felt myself wonder what they would think of me, and then found myself not caring. I sent them the note I didn't get from my own leadership. I told them to check in with me, let me know they were all safe. I told them to call their mothers, because a mother, even though she knows you're probably okay, until she hears from you, a mother will be...wondering.

 

And I told them all to take one tiny step today towards doing something they've always wanted to do. Live in France? Buy a calendar of Paris scenes. Learn Dutch? Look into getting lessons. Ride a horse? Get a subscription to Western Horseman magazine. Take just one teeny tiny little step towards having no regrets.

 

And that's what I want for you, my little Rebels. Take one tiny step towards doing that thing they've you've always wanted to do. 

 

And call your mom. 

[Seabright]

Wed Aug 7

 

Well, sheesh. I've lost the habit of prioritizing my quiet time at the beginning of the day, and hence have not logged anything (or, yeah, you know, DONE anything) in a week or so. No bueno. I let stuff get to me. I let work get to me. I forgot to stay strong and true.

 

I've got a 2-day out-of-town workshop thingie tomorrow and Friday, and I have to leave to get up to the Big City this afternoon (without going home first). My plan: check in lots with the spousal unit, and get pics of Dolly; plan to go shopping tonight up in the Big City; plan to be a good sport for the next 2 days; plan to breathe deeply, do my meditation in the am, be like water, stay strong and true. 

 

Bravery

• Practiced saying things like, 'Oh, that's interesting. Why do you think that?' instead of 'Whoa, you couldn't be more wrong.' This is actually very brave of me. ;-)

Notice something beautiful

• The morning sun sparkling in the water on the reservoir. 

[Seabright]

Mon Aug 12

 

Made it through the 2-day thing pretty well. Ate okay. Didn't get a chance to get in a good walk, but I did manage a BWW in the hotel room, so win.

 

This week I'm going to practice something called 'Non-violent Communication.' I can see that my communication style is making things more difficult for me than they need to be. I tend to be very right-and-wrong, and in a lazy way I've just been slamming down when I see things I don't like. No one is going to hear me with an approach like that. And I need them to hear me. They don't have to do anything, but I do need them to hear me. 

 

In other news, I've got one of those, you know, procedures scheduled for Thursday.  You know, where you have to clear your schedule the day before and drink some icky stuff? Yah, that kind of procedure. I've adjusted my diet a bit as per the instructions, with Wednesday scheduled for a clear-liquids-only day, followed by no food or liquids after midnight. Not feeling it. 

 

Eating

• Breakfast - eggs w/ bells, onion and turkey sausage. no spinach, per the instructions.
• Lunch - packet of lunch meat roasted turkey.
• Dinner - chicken noodle soup.
• Snacks - applesauce, glass of lemonade.

 

Exercise

• Meditation - 10 mins. Remembered who I am.
• Exercise - BWW and logged in app.

Taking time

• A few minutes out in the garden with little Dolly after work. So warm! I drank my lemonade, and she walked me around the yard, showing me all of her favorite spots.

Bravery

• Did my first practice of NVC--on paper. This was more challenging than I thought it would be. Good thing I'm practicing on myself!

Notice something beautiful

• It's such a beautiful world. 

[Seabright]

Tue Aug 13

 

Realized that I've had it on my calendar to check in on my goals since June. Must. Find. Time.

 

Eating

• Breakfast - 2 morning buns from Starbucks. Followed by coughing fit.
• Lunch - packet of roasted turkey lunch meat.
• Snacks - mini crackers.
• Dinner - chicken noodle soup, canned peaches.

 

Exercise

• Meditation - 20 mins. That felt good.
• Exercise - well, dang. worked late and didn't get home until 7:30pm, at which point I just warmed up my soup and crashed.

Taking time

• Grabbed a few minutes to look at garden design pictures.

Bravery

• So, I did a NVC exercise around something that was on my mind. When I finished, I realized that I needed to initiate the tough conversation.
• Which I did.
• And it turned out not to be tough at all. In fact, it was really great.
• Bravery FTW!

Notice something beautiful

• Another lovely warm evening. So unusual. Soaking it in.

[Seabright]

Wed Aug 14

 

Early start, long day, clear liquids (and jello) only. Oy.

 

Eating

• Breakfast - Jello
• Lunch - Chicken broth
• Snacks - Jello
• Dinner - Jello

 

Exercise

• Meditation - 10 mins.
• Exercise - None. Worried that it would make me hungry. Well, hungrier.

Taking time

• Stood in the garden in the morning. Cool and quiet.

Bravery

• Drank the stuff, did the thing.

Notice something beautiful

• Chickadee telling me to fill his feeder.

[Seabright]

Thur Aug 15

 

No food or liquids after midnight. Appt at 1pm, should be done by 3pm. Can't wait for dinner!

 

Eating

• Breakfast - none.
• Lunch - none.
• Snacks - none.
• Dinner - veggie burger, no sauce, no cheese, sweet potato fries.

 

Made it!

 

Exercise

• Meditation - 10 mins.
• Exercise - None. 

Taking time

• Nap after the thing.

Bravery

• Drank the second round of the stuff, did the thing.
• Showed up for the appt. 

Notice something beautiful

• Realized that I had the foresight to take tomorrow off as a sick day, too, as well, also. Beautiful!

[Seabright]

Sat & Sun Aug 17 & 18

 

Hey Kids! I took 2-day sailing course!

 

Something I've always wanted to do. And I did it! At one point, I took the helm, trimmed the jib, and sailed close to the wind.

 

Yep, I sailed! Bravery all over the place!

 

 

[Seabright]

Mon Aug 19

 

Whoa. Suddenly sad, for some reason. Gonna have to think about why. But, well, you know, maybe later.

 

Eating

• Breakfast - eggs w/spinach, bell peppers, onions; 2.5 turkey sausages.
• AM Snack - plain bagel with nothing on it.
• Lunch - working lunch, ate what was provided. which was weird.
• Dinner - fish tacos w/extra flour tortillas. 

Exercise

• Meditation - 18 mins.
• Yoga - 15 mins of getting moving. Extra time spent on hamstrings and neck.
• Walk - about 1 mile after work.
• BWW -  Done and logged.

Taking time

• None. Not one second.

Bravery

• Asked a personal question and got a personal answer. 

Notice something beautiful

• Stopped in traffic on the mountain and noticed the wild buckwheat blooming on the hillside. Cream-colored fluff-balls.

[Seabright]

Why I might be sad

 

In no particular order:

 

• Took my sailing lessons, and now left with a 'now what'? Spousal unit not interested, they are expensive, they can't really be done on a weekly basis. Getting practice in isn't seamless. Yeah. Now what?
• The new person at work (who I don't actually report to), is impacting my time, and his new managers are impacting my people. I haven't found a clean way forward.
• I've got changes happening in my own group, and I'm not sure how to structure things.
• Weather is way-changeable.
• The house is a mess and I need to do laundry.
• I need to order plants, and I can't decide what I want that back bed to look like. 
• I haven't had a chance to sit down and structure the finances in a while.
• I haven't returned to my previous momentum with my BWWs and walks and hikes.
• I had my last session with my 4-month pilot program leadership coach. Feeling a little rudderless. 

 

 

Things I can do about these things:

 

Took my sailing lessons, and now left with a 'now what'? Spousal unit not interested, they are expensive, they can't really be done on a weekly basis. Getting practice in isn't seamless. Yeah. Now what?

Not everything needs to suddenly become a whole new lifestyle. I did something I've always wanted to do. Yay! It's okay to have that be enough. The reality is, club membership, club sails, more lessons, charters, boat rentals, etc, cost a lot of money, and take time away from other things. Maybe my way forward here is to go out on the occasional sunset sail, and maybe in a month or two take another class. It's okay to take the classes now and then just for the fun of it. Not everything has to have a grand-scheme end game. I'm good. I had a ton of fun this weekend. And I'll have more fun in a month or two when I take the next 2-day course. 

 

The new person at work (who I don't actually report to), is impacting my time, and his new managers are impacting my people. I haven't found a clean way forward.

Be like water. Soft. Flowing. Go around the obstacle, gently. For the time, I can simply say I don't have the bandwidth for the whole shebang, but I can help 'sponsor' a thing. Not saying 'no' head-on, but gently, flowingly, say that I'll do what my bandwidth allows for. For the impact on my people, I can help them also be soft, flowing, and learn to go around the not-partnering obstacles, gently biding our time, reminding ourselves that we don't report in to them, we are enough. This will be our biggest challenge for the next few months, no question. 

 

I've got changes happening in my own group, and I'm not sure how to structure things.

Take some time today to come up with some talking points. Discuss with my new powerhouse person. We can leave with a plan.

 

Weather is way-changeable.

Yah, nothing we can do about this one! A gray day, indeed -- back to freezing cold summer fun. What's it good weather for, though? A brisk walk when I get home followed by a cup of hot tea. Plan: Leave here at 3:55pm, book it home, stop for foodstuffs for dinner, get home, swap out shoes, do the walk. Then get ready to feel better.

 

The house is a mess and I need to do laundry.

Before starting the walk, sort out a load of laundry and throw it in the machine. Then go.

 

I need to order plants, and I can't decide what I want that back bed to look like. 

Things I'm thinking of:

 - mostly roses

 - mostly perennials

 - mostly xeric

 

Things that would really really make me happy:

 - 50 / 50 roses and perennials. The perennials can be draught tolerant. How 'bout that?

 

Plan:

 - follow the perennial plan, but sub out shrubs with roses, and sub out thirsty things with water-wise alternatives.

 - write it all out on a piece of paper.

 - track what you're ordering from where and planned delivery dates.

 - just go for it. there's plenty of room to move things around later. you're good. you can't hurt anything.

 

I haven't had a chance to sit down and structure the finances in a while.

Yes, this is easy to put off, but the anxiety around not knowing what's going on with the finances just keeps on a-building. 

 

Plan:

 - Leave today at 3:30pm if possible, but no later than 3:55pm.

 - Stop on the way home for meals at the big store. Keep your head down and get in and out.

 - Throw load of laundry in the washer.

 - Take a brisk walk down to the water and back. The bigger walk can happen tomorrow.

 - Make some hot tea and sit down to the finances. Set the timer so it doesn't go on forever.

 - When the timer goes off, finish up, make a meal, and settle down for the evening. 

 

I haven't returned to my previous momentum with my BWWs and walks and hikes.

Yah, this is the type of thing that's stressful. I feel like I'm letting myself down, and I"m having trouble turning this around. I miss doing my yoga DVD in the morning. The longer meditation session means less time for the feel-good yoga session, and I need them both. And then I don't feel like doing my evening stuff, since I feel so blech when I get home from work. 

 

Well, meditation and yoga have to happen in the morning, so I need more AM time, but I really don't want to get up any earlier. Maybe it's time to start being okay with leaving for work a little later? That would add exponentially to my morning drive, though, and that would mean  far less prep time before my day starts, and then leaving to come home later. What about yoga only in the am, then meditate for 20 mins in the parking garage before going up? I'd get on the road at the same time, taking advantage of the lighter traffic, and get my head clear just before walking in to the building.

 

Let's try that.

 

With that sorted, I think I'll have the mental wherewithal to get my BWWs done in the evening. I've got a session on deck for this evening, and I'll do that while watching TV with the spousal unit.

 

Let's see how that goes. 

 

I had my last session with my 4-month pilot program leadership coach. Feeling a little rudderless. 

This is a biggie. But the last thing we talked about was creating a plan for going forward, a plan that involved practice in the morning during my regular prep time. I still have access to all my vids and reading list. I can revisit those once a week, picking a different on to review each Friday. In the am, I can practice my NVC write-ups, one each morning for the next 2 weeks. I know this is the place where I need the most work, and I also know that this is the thing that's going to help me the most with the current leadership-that-I-don't-report-in-to issues, as well as managing my team. 

 

So, I'm going to put the materials review on my calendar as a repeating Friday am reminder. I'm going to put the NVC practice on my cal as a M-Th daily reminder. I'm also going to create a quarterly reminder to send my coach a note just to check in. She said she'd like to hear from me occasionally, and I'm going to keep that connection.

 

There. I just created the reminders.

 

Let's see  how that goes.

 

Feeling better.

 

 

[Seabright]

Tues Aug 20

 

Yesterday after work went well, but had a MAJOR meltdown this morning when the engine light on my dashboard went on just as I was leaving the house. Might be nothing, but with a mountain drive between me and safety, probably best not to tempt fate. 

 

Feeling better now, but the fact that I went off my rocker so quickly tells me that there's a huge amount of stress and anxiety just under the surface. I'm walking a tightrope. 

 

Dare I take some time off around Labor Day? If I do, it can't be random, like last time. I'd need a plan. 

 

Hmmm. Think about this.

 

Eating

• Breakfast - breakfast sandwich, no cheese. now coughing from the croissant.
• Lunch - chicken and veggies.
• Dinner - turkey and green beans.
• Snack - applesauce. i think the applesauce is making me cough.

 

Exercise

• Meditation - 10 mins. Barely. Could not turn off my brain.
• Yoga - 25 mins of basics. So stiff!
• Walk - 2.25 miles through the yacht harbor. 

Taking time

• FORCED myself to go on that walk.

Bravery

• FORCED myself to go on that walk.

Notice something beautiful

• FORCED myself to go on that walk...and was rewarded by the sight of a lovely, warm, calm evening, flat seas, reflections of the sailboats on the water of the harbor, lovely lovely lovely.

[Seabright]

Wed Aug 21

 

Thinking about the source of yesterday's meltdown. The last time this happened, I was truly walking a tightrope with time and trying to squeeze things in down to the absolute minute. And remembering that stress was exacerbated by unbridled coffee consumption. And uncontrolled catastrophic thoughts. Things I was experiencing prior to working with the leadership coach. 

 

Wow.

 

So, yes, will be taking Labor Day week off, along with the Friday before. Will adjust my personal schedule to make it free of obligations. Will plan to work on the garden most of the time, so I can have a gigantic feeling of accomplishment by the end of the week. This means I need to finish my garden plan and start sourcing things. It's the wrong time of year for this, and I may not be able to get deliveries until late fall or next spring, but I can plan, map, amend, and lay down water in prep.

[Seabright]

Mon Aug 25

 

Catching up, checking in, gettin' 'er done, etc etc.

 

Last week's idea of yoga in the am and then meditation in the parking garage at work was Ree. Dick. Yu. Luss. 

 

Of course it didn't work. Nor did anything else, really. Made it through the week, and then spent the weekend skipping my walks in order to get in hours and hours of big-thinking-and-figuring-stuff out time. In no particular order:

 

• Caught up on space planning.
• Drafted that one tricky email announcement.
• Planned the new garden.
• Ordered the plants for the new garden.
• Fell victim to a lovely English rose that wasn't part of the plan but ordered it anyway and I'll make room somehow.
• Realized I've been ruminating on tough work situations, rather than reflecting and finding a way forward.
• Remembered some cool visualization techniques taught to me by a friend in the misty long ago. Put the person in a box with 3"-thick plexiglass sides and observe them from outside their container. Then, drop them in the bay and watch them bob out to sea. This really worked! Highly recommended.
• Ended the weekend with a lovely walk along the cliffs. Such fantastic weather we're having this summer! 6pm and didn't need a sweater.

 

 

Eating

• Breakfast - coffee and sweets. This just felt right this morning.
• Lunch - turkey sandwich, no cheese, no sauce.
• Dinner - turkey burger lettuce wrap, no sauce, no cheese, yes sweet potato fries, probably too many of them. 

 

Exercise

• Meditation - 10 mins
• Yoga - 10 mins
• BWW - done and logged

Taking time

• A little breath or two with Dolly, who showed me her favorite little rock.

Bravery

• Whoa. I spoke my truth on Friday, and then fretted all weekend about how it would be perceived. Did I destroy every relationship in that room? Was I overly strident? Did I push back too much? At one point, I finally just thought, hey, whatever. That helped quite a bit.
• This morning came in to find that my voice had been heard. The approach was being changed. 
• This is the second time this has happened. I don't think I said my piece in a particularly non-violent way, but someone did hear me, so maybe I'm getting better at it. Lesson learned: Speak your truth, even if your voice shakes.

Notice something beautiful

• Gorgeous morning drive through the hills.

[Seabright]

Goals check-in

 

Because it's never too late to revisit your goals. 

 

So, for 2019, I said that I was going to Focus on Fun.

 

Update:

1. If the answer isn't 'hell yeah!' then it's 'no'.
   
   I think i'm doing well with this. I've declined far more things than I ever have, just because I knew they weren't going to be fun, or they would interfere with something I'd rather do, or they were just a plain ol' time suck. I've had a stumble or two which through me off for a couple of weeks here and there, but I think I needed those stumbles to really help me understand where I want to put my time and energy. 
   
   A-
   
    
2. Eat paleo
   
   I'd say that I've stuck to this about 70% of the time overall, with shifts to 100% all the way down to 5% here and there. I absolutely feel better when I eat this way, no question. My chronic cough seems to be very much related to non-paleo-ish eating habits. The special occasional treat idea has worked for me, though I will say that when I get off track, it takes me sometimes as long as a week or more to set the cart right again. I've dropped 1 pant size since the beginning of the year, trending down in general, but with long plateaus. I could be farther along I suppose, but the point of this one was feeling good in order to have more fun, as opposed to weight loss. 
   
   C+
   
    
3. Get fun exercise
   
   Okay, win on this one. Yoga is pretty steady-eddie, BWWs have been a miss lately but on-point for the most part, but the big win here has been trying stuff. Hiking! Line dancing! Sailing! The line dancing and hiking are sustainable as life-long favorites. The sailing was fantastic, but that's really a rich man's game. I'll find ways to take a lesson here and there just for fun, though. The downer has been singing and playing the mandolin, which I've basically dropped completely. I've got my personal space now, so time to revisit and renew. It's fun and makes me feel happy to be making progress on a new instrument. That being said, I'm still giving myself a high mark on this one.
   
   A
   
    
4. Take time for myself
   
   I think this is another win. Even though a few days may go by where I don't take time, overall I've been really consistent to do this mindfully. Walks, time in the garden, taking the long way home, stopping for an auto-chair massage at the mall (30 minutes for $10!), window shopping at a gallery, a side trip through the yacht harbor, a quiet moment before climbing the stairs to the front door...
   
   A+

 

 

The power word for 2019 is Bravery.

 

The word is written on a stone that I keep in my car. Sometimes I pick up the stone and hold it before getting out of the car when I'm about to face something tough. I've held the stone outside of Twin Lakes, outside of the hospital, outside of work. I've held the stone to keep from crying. I've held the stone with gratitude and with deep, shaking breaths. I've held the stone when I needed help to be kind, to be strong, to squelch my ego, or to keep my mouth shut.

 

Bravery.

 

Walk the straight and narrow, Rebels, and stay strong and true.

 

 

 

 

[Seabright]

Opportunities for the rest of 2019

 

In no particular order:

• Paleo eating.
• Mandolin playing.
• Singing and getting my voice back.
• Hiking. Skyline-to-the-Sea awaits. 

Okay! Let's get 'er done!

 

 

[Seabright]

Tues Aug 26

 

Eyeball appt in the early am and then worked from home.

 

Eating

• Breakfast - stopped at The Buttery after my eyeball appt. tempted to get a sweet, but instead got scrambled eggs and sausage.
• Lunch - turkey and green beans.
• Dinner - had to run errands and drop my car off at the mechanic (again), so tempted to just stop at Jack's since there wasn't dinner food at home. Instead, headed home and made breakfast-for-dinner: eggs with spinach, bell peppers, and onions, and turkey sausages. Hot tea. Win.

 

Exercise

• Meditation - 10 mins
• Yoga - 10 mins

Taking time

• Ate my breakfast in the window of the shop. Took a touch of me time.

Bravery

• Interviewed the person and switched to coaching from evaluating when I realized she wasn't a good fit. Thought it would be nicer than just cutting it short. 

Notice something beautiful

• Butterfly on the little coneflower I planted last weekend.

[Seabright]

Wed Aug 28

 

Eating

• Breakfast - veggie omelet, 2 pieces of bacon, 2 sausages. power breakfast at the work cafeteria.
• Lunch - salad w/chicken and veggies and dried cranberries.
• Dinner - turkey burger lettuce wrap, no sauce, no cheese, far fewer sweet potato fries than last time.

 

Exercise

• Meditation - 10 mins
• Yoga - 10 mins
• BWW - done and logged.

Taking time

• Super-fun time with the little gray bunny out back. We snuck in a few minutes of mommy-and-me time. How can a little gray stray bring you so much joy?

Bravery

• On deck: Create those goals and get 'em in the system.
• Update: Not done.
• Other bravery: Did not cry at the words 'blown head-gasket' and 'not worth fixing'. 

Notice something beautiful

• One last lingering look at the 2020 VW all-electric microbus concept car. Fare-thee-well.

[Seabright]

Thur Aug 29

 

Overslept. This is leading to Thursday thoughts.

• Boy, do I ever run out of steam by Thursday. Looking back over my log and seeing this is the day I'm most likely to oversleep, drink too much caffeine, eat poorly, and just generally fall apart. 
• It's time for a Bravery Commitment. I hereby declare that Thursday is now a work-from-home day, unless there is something I absolutely need to be there in person for, like lunch with friends (today). 
• Also, someone else needs to pick up the grocery shopping and dinner meal planning. I can't do it all. We got out of the habit of this when we both had longish drives earlier in the summer, but now we need to get back to the previous pattern. Oddly, I anticipate that there will be whining when I have this conversation. That's just too freakin' bad.
• I now need to buy a new car, blowing a HUGE hole right through the middle of my financial plan. I think I'll spend some time tonight wrapping my head around that. i need to look on the bright side here. There is one, I just need to find some time to pull it out of the darkness. 

 

Eating

• Breakfast - veggie omelet, 2 pieces of bacon, 2 sausages. back at the cafeteria. need to cut down on the pork products next time, but they do get me through the day.
• Lunch - 2 fish tacos, no rice, no beans, no cheese. 2 margaritas. lunch with the girls.
• Dinner - grilled chicken and veggies.

 

Exercise

• Meditation - 10 mins.
• Yoga - none

Taking time

• Skipped an early am training session in favor of writing in my battle log. The world will be fine without me for a bit.

Bravery

• On deck: Create those goals and get 'em in the system.
• Update: Did it. They're pretty weak, but perfection is the enemy of progress.

Notice something beautiful

• Stay late at work, and headed out at 6:30pm into a bunch of traffic. Made the decision to drive the long way home--and it was lovely and relaxed. I got there eventually.

[Seabright]

Fri Aug 31

 

Some stuff, in no particular order:

• First day of vacation.
• No coffee this morning.
• Started car shopping right away, found what I wanted, did some back-and-forth, set up a time to meet, met, test drove, bought it, financed it, drove home. That was pretty much the entire day.
• Win: Took everything as it came and went, it's all good and groovy. Meditation and yoga in the morning, no caffeine, and a nice big breakfast paved the way for a pleasant day.

 

For this next week, here's some stuff:

• Take everything as it comes and goes, it's all good and groovy.
• See how much garden stuff can get done, but don't worry too much about it. It will all happen eventually.
• See how far along I can get selling my old car. It won't happen right away, but I can chip away at it and give it a whirl.
• At some point, I need to drop off a few things to be altered. No rush here, next week is fine, too.
• We have a sunset sail set up for Sunday evening. If it's fun and we want to do another, we can do that.
• Every now and then, stop doing things and go have a nice lunch, somewhere with an outdoor patio. Dinner, too, if the mood strikes.

I'll update my battle log when I return to the real world next Monday. Unless I feel like it beforehand, in which case I'll check in. It's all good. 

 

See you in a bit, Rebels!

 

 

[Seabright]

Mon Sept 9

 

I'm back. The vacation was really relaxing. I dispensed with the to-do list---the first time in 3 years I haven't had a to-do list, or had every single second of the day planned.

 

Boy, it felt good. Meditated a lot, did yoga a lot, took a couple of very nice hikes, and thought a lot about this and that. Learned that it was okay to not be perfect, or do to everything right now. 

 

As a result, I'm trying a new morning rhythm: get up, meditate, yoga-ize, get out the door and then have breakfast at the work cafeteria. Let's see how that goes for a while. Trying it out, just for a day or two. Let's see.

 

Eating

• Breakfast - veggie omelet, 2 pieces of bacon, 2 sausages. 
• Lunch - salad w/chicken and veggies, sprinkled some cranberries on top
• Dinner - fish tacos, no cheese, no sauce, and took the filling out of the corn tortillas and put them into flour tortillas. drank the last beer out in the garden (77 degrees at 6:30pm!!)
• Snacks - had a catastrophic reaction in the am, worked through it (thanks, meditation, yoga, and journaling), but was still feeling the effects when I walked to another building...where they had donuts. i fell victim to an old-fashioned. next time i'll know to walk around to the back of the building and go in that way, to avoid the monday morning donut-fest that is building 5.

 

Exercise

• Meditation - 31 mins.
• Yoga - 25 mins.

Taking time

• Slowed down quite a bit. At the end of the day, lingered in the yard for a while, feet up, enjoying the warm evening, doing nothing. 

Bravery

• On deck: Bring the vibes from my vacation into work.
• Update: Did okay. Had a WILD melt-down in response to a communication that had come through while I was on vacay, though. I was actually taken aback by the violence of my reaction---heart pounding, hyperventilating, short of breath---all fight-or-flight thingies. I caught it while it was happening, though, and paused to journal. Just noted the event, noted my reaction, and then journaled through the 'why' of my reaction, eventually resolving things and reframing the thoughts. Ended up grounded in reality and felt much better. 
• Boy, that was hard. It really took some hard hard looks at myself before I could come out the other side. 
• Learning experience FTW!

Notice something beautiful

• I picked up my mandolin for a few minutes, and I could still play one or two tunes. 

[Seabright]

Tues Sept 10

 

Trying a new activity for the next few days: What Went Well? 

 

Eating

• Breakfast - scrambled eggs and sausage.
• Lunch - chicken strips and fries.
• Dinner - grilled chicken, green beans, and rice with a light sauce.

 

Exercise

• Meditation - 26 mins. Cat-related interruptions broke the spell. Someone needed her mommy.
• Exercise - BWW done. Logged in app.
• Walking - Line dancing class. Either the dances are easier or I'm in better shape. Not nearly as exhausted as I've been in the past.

Taking time

• Drove the back way.

Bravery

• On deck: Figure out how to drive that work stream. There's only 3 of us, and it looks like I''m on-deck to at least get things going better.
• Update: I think I found a way to start thinking about it.

Notice something beautiful

• Dolly let me pick her up this morning. And she purred instead of squirmed. :-)

 

What went well and why

• My data connection with the new jigger works great. Because of the new jigger.
• Line dancing was fun. Because I got shoes and now I know a few moves.
• Able to play a scale on the mando. Because I picked it up off the wall and didn't put any pressure on myself. 

[Seabright]

Wed Sept 11

 

This day is always a little rough for me. For some reason, I need to be around people who remember. For me, it's a day of mourning, still. I was far far away on another coast, but I can still feel the shock. And looking at my rolodex later, realizing that many of those people were gone, having had their offices on the 87th floor. That was the day when I decided to quit doing a job I hated. If I'm going to die at work on a Monday morning in a fiery ball of jet fuel and flames, I want to have at least enjoyed what I was doing at the time.

 

 

Eating

• Breakfast - scrambled eggs and sausage.
• Lunch - BLT with avocado.
• Dinner - steak with green beans.
• Snacks - morning bun in the am, post-gig oat fruit bar.

 

Exercise

• Meditation - 33 mins. 
• Exercise - errr. Does the bass gig count? 

Taking time

• After my eyeball appt, I went by Starbucks, and then drove along the water, stopping at one point to drink my decaf americano and eat my morning bun. Lovely morning.

Bravery

• On deck: Figure out how to drive that work stream. There's only 3 of us, and it looks like I''m on-deck to at least get things going better.
• Update: No movement.
• Other bravery: Okay, I spoke up about that one thing that happened in that one meeting. Everyone is different, and you can't punish someone for not being you. Or words to that effect. Everyone else in the room held their breath and looked down at the floor. Always unnerving. You really do need to speak your truth, even if your voice shakes. On reflection, I could have modulated my tone better and made more of an effort to sound matter-of-fact instead of vaguely annoyed, but no taking that back now. This I need to work on, big time.

Notice something beautiful

• Dolly let me pick her up this morning. And she purred instead of squirmed. :-)

 

What went well and why

• Got to the gig on time. Because I left in plenty of time.
• Vendor kickoff went well. Because I prepared.
• Was able to sing better than I thought I would. Because I've been skipping caffeine and breathing deeply.