lucky fire dragon breaks free and remembers to feel awesome

[lucky fire dragon]

 

 

Lucky Fire Dragon breaks free from old patterns and remembers to feel awesome

 

 

 

 

The fresh new year always invites for some reflection and after journaling with lots of words, lots of plans for a humongous challenge (doing ALL THE THINGS) and temptations for hunting down more underpants, instead I got down to this:

 

What do I want?

I want to be happy, healthy and wealthy. I want be full of energy and joyful and courageous and experience awesome things!

 

How do I usually approach my days?

I often focus on what I think I should be doing, in order to be „a good mom / therapist / housewife / etc. “ assuming that it will automatically fulfill me and make me happy once I managed. As if when I do everything „right“ I'd be rewarded with all the happy feelings. Spoiler: doesn't necessarily work that way  

Then when I hit a low day or phase, the sense of obligation just sucks and I rebel and get selfish, without it making me any happier either.

 

How could I tweak it for more joy while keeping a good balance?

After meditation I am often full of good intentions for my work and family because I want to give and be there. I am happy as is and now I want to give my best, just because I can.

It just slips from there into the „should“ again without me noticing and then it tilts. That is why I want the meditations often and intense enough to fill up my own energy first. It helps stay clearer.

 

However, there is a certain element of leaving the meditation on the mat. Meaning when I am in the middle of the day all the clarity and wholeness from the meditation are forgotten and I operate from different programs and assumptions.

 

A major goal therefor is to shift  the  „should“ mindset even more drastically to a „can“ and „want“ mindset.

Also: How can I aim for more awesome in my active day?

 

Being awesome doesn't always have to be spectacular. If I master myself by overcoming inertia and procrastination that can be a pretty big feat as well. And that is actually very rewarding every single time!

But I'd like some more fun things in as well. Because that is where Life really is, that is what we do the other stuff for, isn't it?!

 

So I decided to approach this challenge in two ways:

 

1) Suck it up and free my Self

 

2) go express that Self and have fun

 

 

The first point is partly literal as in most of the meditations I do at the moment, there is a breathing technique involved where you kind of suck the breath and energy up along the spinal cord all the way to the top of the head, hold it to build up purposeful pressure and then release with the exhale. It doesn't only vitalize the body but I can feel the liberating effect on mind and emotions as well. Joe Dispenza calls it pulling the mind out of the body and uses it for releasing all the stress chemicals and outdated programming we often run on. I love this breath so much! So when he says in the meditation: „It's time to pull the mind out of the body and free yourself!“ I do give it my all, because I have learned to treasure the effect.

 

Afterwards I am full of good intentions to do that in my active day as well. Suck it up and give it my very best, because it will free me up and do me good.

That is the other aspect of this goal: Getting stuff done instead of procrastinating or any other physical action where I go beyond the comfortable, knowing it will free me up long term. I guess if I pay a little attention I know well enough what all falls under this category. To keep it simple and doable, I will aim for one liberating action per day. It can be work related, household stuff, accounting, shoveling snow, ... or staying patient with the kids when they need it, paying proper attention and choosing kindness over impatience.

Meditation for the energy level and one physical action for the physical level.

 

- Meditate daily at 4 am (on weekends 5am will work as well)

- do 1 liberating action / day

 

 

The second point is the trickier part, oddly enough.  I am so used now to rewarding myself with lazy entertainment after „duties“ are done, that I don't even know what awesome, shiny things I'd like to go for instead! What would it be like, if I were to introduce something creative again, say, or have a really shiny goal that I could work towards...?

 

Something that is exciting and adventurous and makes my eyes sparkle when I even just think about it? Something that is not productive in any way, not sensible or responsible or any of that. Something that is just for fun and for daring myself, can I do this or for exploring new territory or …. I don't know how to phrase it even, but you surely get the gist of it, right?

 

I'll start small here as well and aim for one adventurous fun thing per day. It can be really tiny as long as it is something out of the ordinary and makes me come alive.

Anything that breaks me out of routine and autopilot. Surely it will teach me again, what pulls me and where adventures await that could be worth leaving my comfort zone for.

 

Let's see what I can come up with  

 

 

 

Other things I'd like to keep tracking, because they worked well in the last challenge I want to keep the momentum going:

 

2 workouts / week (I'll count them under expressing myself, because they are now fun)

16 hours intermittend fasting per day (skipping breakfast)

minimum of 2 Liters water intake per day

 

The workouts are fun and one way of feeling awesome  especially headstand training. Apart from that they serve to get me stronger and more flexible again.

The fasting serves to help loose weight, so far it's going slow but steady and since yesterday I broke the 70 kg barrier, weighing in at 69.9 woot woot. Oh the joy in numbers at times  

I have been taking monthly progress pics as well since October, just for my own review, not to share just yet. There is a visible difference, even if it's not a massive one. But I can be patient when I feel I am on a good track, and measurements, pics and scale are indicating I am. Measurements make me the happiest as last time I lost weight, arms and legs slimmed down first, then chest, then tummy. This time arms and legs are pretty stagnant, while I went from 100 cm navel circumference to 94 cm and at hip height from 99 to 95 cm, yay! 

 

To sum up for tracking:

 

Suck it up and Free my Self

- meditation 28/28

- liberating action 22/28

 

Express that Self and have Fun

- creative fun thing 19/28

- 2 workouts per week

Week 1: 2/2

Week 2: 2/2

Week 3: 1/2

Week 4: 3/2

 

Intermittend Fasting hours and water intake:

 

Week 1: 18h - 2 liters / 13h - 2 liters / 16h - 2 liters / 17h - 2 liters / 16h - 2 liters / 19h - 2.5 liters / 16h - 4 liters 

Week 2: 17h - 2.5 liters / 18h - 2.5 liters / 15h - 2 liters / 18.5h - 2 liters / 14h - 2 liters / 36h - 2 liters (Sat) 2.5 liters (Sun)

Week 3: 16h - 2 liters / 20h - 2 liters / 24h - 2.5 liters / 15h - 1.5 liters / 17h - 2 liters / 36h - 2.5 liters (Sat) 2.5 liters (Sun)

Week 4: 17h - 2.5 liters / 21h - 2 liters / 14h - 3.5 liters / 12h - 2.5 liters / 15h - 2 liters / 16h - 1.5 liters / 11h -  

 

Let's rock it!

[Mad Hatter]

I love this so much!

 

Looking forward to your adventurous fun things!

[Korranation]

Following

[@mu]

17 hours ago, lucky fire dragon said:

A major goal therefor is to shift  the  „should“ mindset even more drastically to a „can“ and „want“ mindset.

 

I really like this. I worked on it a fair bit in the past, and I still try to catch myself when anxious thoughts come in like "I should do that", "I need to do that" etc.. I'm a little obsessive-compulsive, which can be positively useful for things (eg HS ) but it can also unfortunately work against me big time (e.g rumination / repetitive negative thoughts that usually come out as "need to/have to" mantras). When I spot them, I replace the have-to/should by a want (happy, in peace, whatever). Sometimes the real want is clear, sometimes it's not and I'll use a generic positive word, but  I say the modified mantra out loud, and I repeat it... it's weird but it works.

 

Following for headstand as well!

[lucky fire dragon]

On 1/6/2019 at 12:24 PM, Mad Hatter said:

I love this so much!

 

Looking forward to your adventurous fun things!

 

Thanks 

Me too haha

 

9 hours ago, Korranation said:

Following

 

Yay! Welcome  

 

9 hours ago, @mu said:

 

I really like this. I worked on it a fair bit in the past, and I still try to catch myself when anxious thoughts come in like "I should do that", "I need to do that" etc.. I'm a little obsessive-compulsive, which can be positively useful for things (eg HS ) but it can also unfortunately work against me big time (e.g rumination / repetitive negative thoughts that usually come out as "need to/have to" mantras). When I spot them, I replace the have-to/should by a want (happy, in peace, whatever). Sometimes the real want is clear, sometimes it's not and I'll use a generic positive word, but  I say the modified mantra out loud, and I repeat it... it's weird but it works.

 

Following for headstand as well!

 

not weird, just not what most people do  but very sensible and of course it works

other self talk makes a difference too, we just don't always do it on purpose or out loud, unless it's me, I often talk out loud to myself at home  

 

One of the first meditations I practiced guided by Joe Dispenza involved the word "Change" when you'd find yourself in the mode that you wanted to shift. In the meditation he'd suggest you find yourself thinking the old thoughts, feeling the old feelings and becoming aware of it and then saying "Change" shifting into the thoughts and feelings you'd rather think or feel and making new choices accordingly. It's a thorough meditation, walking you through this 3x and it worked so well, I found myself in the middle of the day, indeed noticing when I slipped into the thinking habit I wanted to shift (for instance worrying) and then I said "Change" to myself right there and then and it works beautifully, too. Hubby did the same meditation for a month with me, so whenever we find ourselves worrying along old thinking patterns or so, one only has to say "Change" to the other and the spell is broken  it's kind of cool.

 

I like mantras of all kinds and these ones feel really powerful, thanks for the reminder  

[lucky fire dragon]

So first workout in BOOM

 

 

Might have overdone it a bit today 

 

2 rounds circuit training with 40 sec training and 50 sec rest consisted of (per round)

- kettlebell swings 12kg

- hopping up and down the tire while holding 5kg dumbbells in each hand

- gravity trainer push ups (feet one notch higher, because they oiled the gears and now it's so much easier than before  with the notch higher the last few were hard though, did 12 reps in the 40 sec)

- rope swinging

- bodyweight rows at the sling trainer (proud to say my feet are completely over my previous measuring line now, 8 reps are easy, the next 2 hard, the last 2 reallllllly hard)

- T-bar lifting with 7.5kg loaded (overhead, down to the side until upper arm stretched, back overhead, other side and so on)

- power sledge with 10 kg loaded (slow run, and boy does that thing get my heart racing  but it's getting better)

- lunges with 15 kg Bulgarian Bag over shoulders

- ab roller

- Russian twists with 4kg ball in hands

 

After those I went straight to the wall and walked into near handstand up and down 3x, held the top position for about 10 sec on the third time and could do no more. Those are soooooo exhausting!!! 

But I am very proud for having attempted it, because handstand is a fear thing and fascination for me at once and I will totally count it for my adventurous thing of the day  

No Video because one of the personal trainers worked with a client right next to me and I would have had them on the video as well. Don't like doing that.

 

Afterwards I practiced the headstands, both on lower arms and the tripod and I am sooooooo excited how they are improving

 

 

So far I kicked up, added the other foot to the wall and than slowly took one foot after the other off into the full headstand. Today I kicked up, had the kick up foot on the wall and FELT the balance point before the other foot would have reached the wall. So I managed to take the first foot off again and go straight into it, whooohooo

 

Tiny differences maybe, but to me it's huge, because I think my sense of balance is improving really well  Managed to hold for maybe half a minute and then not much anymore. But that didn't matter because success had already happened  

Tripod had that nicely controlled lift up again (can you tell I'm feeling awesome today  ) and I held it for about 40 sec. Then my arms were tired. I watched out for my elbows today and yes, they would totally like to flare, so I kept them in, but it was hard work. So much to learn...

 

After that I went to the weights and did some 3x 12 squats with 5 kg loaded on the barbell (bar alone weighs 20kg so that is plenty for me), 
at the lat pulley I did 12 reps with 20kg which went super well, so then 12x with 25 which felt a bit too tough, so back to third set of 12x with 20 kg

finally I did 3x 12 reps at 20kg with this bench press machine thingy that looks like this

 

Oh yes, and in between the arm stuff I did some knee raises hanging from the pull up bar and crunches on the bosu ball.

 

Afterwards it was down dogs and lunges for stretching, pidgeon stretch and some others, plus some twists and for some reason I am really tired now

 

Good thing I planned in nap time due to the early get ups now. 

4 am meditation happened as planned and was real nice, as was the one I guided for my group at 6 am

 

Did some household stuff so far and will take youngest to her physio session later, otherwise it's a calm day today. Which suits me very well  

[Mad Hatter]

Inverted balances is ALL about tiny differences so every tiny win is worth celebrating.  

[annyshay]

Looking great, Lucky!

[lucky fire dragon]

34 minutes ago, Mad Hatter said:

Inverted balances is ALL about tiny differences so every tiny win is worth celebrating.  

 

Thanks, I'll take it to heart

 

25 minutes ago, annyshay said:

Looking great, Lucky!

 

Thank youuuuu  

[lucky fire dragon]

Suck it up Thing is done as well 

 

I had to call my webmaster about some stuff for my website that gave me trouble and was procrastinating as I wasn't sure what it would involve me to do and how much for him and also he just came back from holiday and... well I wanted to be nice

Called him now and it turned out easier than I had worried about (some of it at least) so YAY

 

What still needs to be sorted he will do for me, in fact nothing I can do about it anyway and he said I am not the only client with this exact problem right now, so I don't need to feel bad about ending his holiday chill so abruptly because more people will benefit from it. Comforting.

 

Now I will edit a meditation recording or two and feel like a rock star  

It's very satisfying to count things as wins that didn't take much time at all.

[Mad Hatter]

It’s so funny how easy many of the suck it up things turn out to be. Well done!

[Elastigirl]

Turning should into can and want to, or sometimes I say get to is something I'm working on. I have a habit of somehow thinking of even things I like to do, like scrapbooking into should, and then I don't want to do them.  I also like your idea of choosing to do something that is not productive or sensible , but makes your eyes sparkle. Last  year, I made some Fairy Gardens that did that for me, and I really enjoyed making the,. It actually was productive, because it made my garden pretty, but I did it because I thought it would be fun not because the garden " needed it" I'm hoping to choose a few more things like that, and follow some shiny objects this year, just for the adventure and fun of it

[lucky fire dragon]

2 hours ago, Mad Hatter said:

It’s so funny how easy many of the suck it up things turn out to be. Well done!

 

True! then again there are some that turn into way bigger than expected, but the easy ones might actually outweigh them. Should I try and track and make a nice survey of it?  

 

40 minutes ago, Elastigirl said:

Turning should into can and want to, or sometimes I say get to is something I'm working on. I have a habit of somehow thinking of even things I like to do, like scrapbooking into should, and then I don't want to do them.  I also like your idea of choosing to do something that is not productive or sensible , but makes your eyes sparkle. Last  year, I made some Fairy Gardens that did that for me, and I really enjoyed making the,. It actually was productive, because it made my garden pretty, but I did it because I thought it would be fun not because the garden " needed it" I'm hoping to choose a few more things like that, and follow some shiny objects this year, just for the adventure and fun of it

 

ooooh that sounds lovely!! If it were spring, I'd totally want to do this now  I thought of maybe picking up some embroidery again and try a dragon stitched onto something, but not sure what and then am scared to mess it all up and be super frustrated... and down the drain my mind goes  

Another idea was to craft dream catchers again...

 

OR I am pondering to do things that give me more freedom. Like do things that scare me until I feel safer with them. For instance tumbling of any kind is really scary for me right now, but how liberating would it be to be able to just roll over from whatever fall or move without hurting myself! I might tackle something like that on some days, even though it's not yet fun, but might lead to fun things like cart wheels in summer or more confident handstand preparation.

But as I say it's not something exactly fun right now. It's rather more of the suck it up category   

[Mad Hatter]

22 minutes ago, lucky fire dragon said:

OR I am pondering to do things that give me more freedom. Like do things that scare me until I feel safer with them. For instance tumbling of any kind is really scary for me right now, but how liberating would it be to be able to just roll over from whatever fall or move without hurting myself! I might tackle something like that on some days, even though it's not yet fun, but might lead to fun things like cart wheels in summer or more confident handstand preparation.

 But as I say it's not something exactly fun right now. It's rather more of the suck it up category   

YES! This is something I also want to work on as I've backtracked a lot, even before the injury. Even if it often feels more scary and fun it's sooo satisfying!

 

25 minutes ago, lucky fire dragon said:

I thought of maybe picking up some embroidery again and try a dragon stitched onto something, but not sure what and then am scared to mess it all up and be super frustrated...

The good thing about embroidery is that if you screw up you can just unpick it and start over.  Frustrating yes, but it's no big deal.

[@mu]

On 1/7/2019 at 5:52 PM, lucky fire dragon said:

not weird, just not what most people do  but very sensible and of course it works

other self talk makes a difference too, we just don't always do it on purpose or out loud, unless it's me, I often talk out loud to myself at home  

 

I didn't mean weird for the self-talking out loud, it's pretty common no? But yep, just that it works, it somehow breaks the rumination bit. I'm gonna have to google about your Joe and check it out!

[lucky fire dragon]

On 1/7/2019 at 8:12 PM, Mad Hatter said:

YES! This is something I also want to work on as I've backtracked a lot, even before the injury. Even if it often feels more scary and fun it's sooo satisfying!

 

It is, isn't it? Haven't mustered it up yet, but am getting more and more determined  

 

On 1/7/2019 at 8:12 PM, Mad Hatter said:

 

The good thing about embroidery is that if you screw up you can just unpick it and start over.  Frustrating yes, but it's no big deal.

 

Yes, it leaves the fabric a bit punched but yes, you're right of course  

 

22 hours ago, @mu said:

 

I didn't mean weird for the self-talking out loud, it's pretty common no? But yep, just that it works, it somehow breaks the rumination bit. I'm gonna have to google about your Joe and check it out!

 

Oh yes, it's weird THAT it works  and yet it does. You know, if you are looking, there is one of his participants whose testimony inspired me so much on the "Change" mantra: Rudrani's testimonial

I love that woman! Especially around 5 min into the video when she explains how she started using Change as a mantra and her brain asked like Huh?? What do you want me to change and she just said "I don't care, Just change it up! CHANGE!" and her adamant expression is the best. She didn't even have a clear vision how it should help her just that it should. And it worked a miraculous healing for her. So when I am not sure what I want or where to go, but I know I am in the middle of an old track that is leading nowhere, I think of her saying "Just CHANGE" and say the same and feel better instantly.

 

As for Joe Dispenza's work, I read three of his books: "You are the Placebo" which was super interesting for me as a therapist, then "Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself" to learn a bit more about Neuroscience and neuroplasticity - didn't even know I'd be so keen to learn stuff, but I love it, it's so fascinating - and then his latest book "Becoming Supernatural" which was awesome because it explains most of the meditations we did in the Progressive Workshop I attended with him in November 2017. Now I am signed up for a week long retreat with him in March and can't wait, because the Progressive already touched me deeply and the week long is the advanced workshop to follow it up. 

 

Dispenza's meditations are very active ones and probably not for everyone as he is a bit demanding. For me they go super deep however, so I am very glad to have found him. The experiences I am having with his work gave meditation a whole new dimension for me. Also I love understanding the science behind it better now. I have a much better grasp now what helps my patience improving their healings in general, yet I feel there is still so much I don't know. Now I can't wait what all will be taught at the advanced week long retreat, squeeee  

 

 

[lucky fire dragon]

So yesterday was a bit lame and rather an involuntary rest day.

 

I got up at 4 am to meditate and it was a tough day. My mind was all over the place and I had to constantly pull it back into the present moment. During the last 20 minutes it got better and I did feel some good moments, too, but afterwards felt super tired and rather tearful for some reason. Nothing to put my finger on, just a general mood.

Managed to guide a good morning meditation for my morning group anyway - because they are so cool and hearing their cheerful good morning helped me switch into my work mode  

 

Afterwards I crumbled again though. As I felt cold and tired and hungry, I decided to break my fasting rhythm and have breakfast for a change. Had a lovely cup of sweet tea with sandwiches and then climbed back into bed and napped for an hour. Felt wayyy better after that 

     

I think I really needed that. Getting up at 4 am is a major change compared to the holiday sleep ins and what with the full on workout on Monday...

After the nap I took a salt bath and then went to my Dad to take him to the neurologist. It seemed a very helpful visit to me and I am very hopeful on the new medication the doctor gave that might help for memory and brain function in general - yay

After that I went home, fixed youngest some sandwiches that I brought along as I picked her up from school and took her for the doctor's check up on her arm at the hospital. Good thing too as we spent two and a half hours there, getting prepped for next week's op when the wires will be taking out of her arm again. Shame she was exhausted afterwards, long school day and then all that. Had a lovely hot bath herself to recover from the cold outside and then tackled her homework and vocab. Am so proud of my girl, she is consciously giving her best for school at the moment even on long days like this one.

 

I ran some errands still and wanted to clean house and set up for this mornings' client session, but could bring myself to it. All I managed was sorting the laundry and cleaning the wood stove in the lounge, but that is looking like new  

It probably would fall under the "suck it up" things as I had been meaning to clean that stove for a long time, but honestly asking the neurologist if my Dad is still fit to drive the car himself took a lot more guts  Was rewarded too though, by the doc saying my dad should only drive short distances on routes he is familiar with. That enables a lot as is but soothes my fragile daughter nerves  

 

Fun thing, I can't really claim for that day. Maybe the nap, haha? Not really. But I am still glad I did it.

 

------------------

 

Day 3

 

Today was much better. Felt way better rested and my 4am meditation went much better too. Still some mind battles but no comparison to yesterday and after the meditation I felt great 

Guided group meditation went accordingly well and then I set up for my client session and had a wonderful time with my patient too. After the session it was house cleaning and laundry time, I also changed our bedding and got some paperwork done that was important. I will count that package as the "suck it up" action of the day, because I often love to procrastinate on these things and now I did them straight away, woot woot

 

My adventurous thing of the day was posting in the group chat of the March retreat that I am looking for a roommate at the hotel. I did not look through, who is searching already, but rather just put it out there in public, letting life bring me whoever. And within half an hour a lady contacted me, who has been to several retreats before and is helping as a volunteer this time. She seems wonderful and I think we will be a great match. So big yay on that too 

 

Now I am enjoying the clean house and feeling accomplished  

 

Only have to take youngest for her PT session later and that's it. Niiiiiiiiice

[lucky fire dragon]

Here is a nice interview with Joe Dispenza for anyone interested 

 

[@mu]

On 1/9/2019 at 7:28 PM, lucky fire dragon said:

You know, if you are looking, there is one of his participants whose testimony inspired me so much on the "Change" mantra: Rudrani's testimonial

 

On 1/9/2019 at 7:59 PM, lucky fire dragon said:

Here is a nice interview with Joe Dispenza for anyone interested 

 

 

Thanks for the pointers! 

 

Still very much impressed by that early meditation practice!

 

 

[lucky fire dragon]

12 hours ago, @mu said:

Still very much impressed by that early meditation practice!

 

 

Thanks  To start with it was really hard to get up so early again. It's still not easy but getting a lot better already, so I'm positive it will get easier and easier. The early mornings are just the best for me here, because the whole house is still quiet and I am not fully awake yet, which both helps dive deeper into the meditative states I am going for. It's no guarantee, monkey can babble at any hour  but it's in general way easier than later in the day.
Also it gives me a good start into everything else.  

[lucky fire dragon]

Day 4

 

Things are a bit toppled in schedule with us because guess what: We have so much snow now, the road clearing is lagging behind, the trains can't run and the schools closed down for it!! Kids are in bliss of course  

 

I have mixed feelings about it. Part of me (actually the bigger part) LOVES the fairy tale landscape out there, it is so so pretty! Part of me now has to rearrange schedule and as the roads are really bad, I am pondering each drive if it's necessary. Like, I did not go to the gym in the morning, because I would have been a bit pressed for time as is, with a client session scheduled for mid morning and that would have not worked out well in the crawling traffic out there... So I am lagging behind in training and that is a bit meh. 

 

Got some exercise in though, by shoveling snow for an hour to clear the driveway and sidewalk in front of our house 

Not sure if I can name this my "liberating action" for that day as it was non-negotiable really. But it was hard work and with a wonderful healing session afterwards, I felt so relaxed, I didn't do much extra work  

Cooked a nice lunch, did some house work and proof read a paper Eldest has to hand in for her studies - it was really interesting, she wrote about the different formal and informal language forms of politeness in the Korean language and it's very different to what I know from German, English or the little bit of French I know.

 

In the afternoon I had to take the car to the garage for our mechanic to check if all is well and for it to hopefully pass the inspection für TÜV today, which has to be done for safety reasons every two years. Driving there was kind of adventurous with people shoveling snow from their driveways into the roads as you drive past and most roads not properly cleared. I used to be fine driving on snow but with the little snow we usually have now in winter I am not used to it at all anymore and felt really tense. Reminded myself to just go slow, keep breathing and all would be fine ... ah the adult life of having to self-soothe  but it was fine really and I have to go drive a bit otherwise it'll be even more stressful next time. 

 

So that was the adventurous part of my day, but not the fun part. The fun part was playing bare feet in the garden a bit in the morning  That was super fun! Realllllllly cold though and I had underestimated how deep the snow lay. Went in to nearly knee deep. 
Youngest went a bit as well and today we want to build a nice big snowman, haven't done that in ages as there had not been enough snow the past years.

 

I probably could have sucked it up to do some work in the evening but I simply forgot about it and listened to the Sherlock Holmes audio book collection instead that is narrated by Steven Fry. Kind of lost track of time with that...

 

----------

 

Today the kids are still home with the schools closed and I can feel how that instinctively signals "holidays" to me, but actually - do I need holidays right now? Do I even want a holiday right now? Or are there things I'd rather get done or proceed on that might even feel good to be active with instead of just chilling with the kids...?

 

I am realizing that I have to like shake myself awake in order to choose consciously on those things. There is so much autopilot in my daily life  Or if not autopilot then influences that I am not aware of, like the tendency to be lazy, just because the kids can and want to be.

 

Oh well, I got up at 4am very consciously for it  and had a most wonderful meditation again. It went super deep today and I surrendered a little more than before, which always feels great. When the time came to let go of my personal self and expand into the unified field to rejuvenate and reconnect with all possibilities, I asked the Life within me to take over and connect me with all the Life around me and it felt very strange and wonderful at the same time, so it must have shifted something. These parts of meditation are basically a huge experiment for me. I don't know exactly what I am going for there, because I am aiming for something beyond my experiences and understanding of my self so far. 
I know they do shift things within me, because I can see where I have grown more mature over the last year a lot more than the previous years. It's needed too  

 

Group meditation went well, too and now it is 7 am, the whole house is quiet still and I am wondering what now  

Might just start with a nice cup of tea and enjoy the peace and quiet before the day will most likely get busy enough later on.

 

[lucky fire dragon]

 

not my pic but this is what it looks like with us right now as well

 

maybe that explains the instinctive tendency to crawl into bed for hibernation  

[Norgaard]

This smells like a lot of fun things comming up! Maybe a challenge topic at one point

[Norgaard]

27 minutes ago, lucky fire dragon said:

 

not my pic but this is what it looks like with us right now as well

 

maybe that explains the instinctive tendency to crawl into bed for hibernation  

Or to get warm clothes on and crawl/roll/play in the snow

[annyshay]

You have more snow than we do! Impressive!