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Jakkals,2019, nommer 1


Jakkals

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I am running out of ideas for challenge titles.

 

This year I need to work on my co-dependency problems. Living with family members with personality disorders is not fun any more. And since I am also working with them, and we have been hovering on the edge of bankruptcy for the past ten years, I am beyond tired. I have suicidal thoughts every single day. It is not good, and I will cope, but being unhappy is not fun. I have no contact with anyone outside the internet, so have no support of any kind.

 

I also finished my spreadsheet on my spending for the past year, and it is depressing how little I did to make my own life better. If more than half my income go into keeping the workshop running things are wrong. I also bought more than 200 second hand books,  41 large packets of crisps, 5 pizzas and I had fries 11 times. And since the charity shop opened I managed to get some decent clothing, something that has been bothering me for years.  

 

My weight is also not in a good place. I started last year at 96.8 kg, dropped to 91 kg, went up to 102 kg, and weighed in this morning at 99.9 kg. It is a long way from my lowest of 76 kg. My eating is actually on track, it is just my activity levels that are too low.  I have started working on moving a bit more the past few weeks, and I am feeling better, but I need to do some proper exercise.

 

My car is wonky. There is nothing I can do about it, but it is another worry that is nagging at the back of my head. 

 

My health is mostly good. I have not been to the doctor in more than a year, I have not seen a dentist is more than twenty years. There is some issues,  yesterday my sciatica flared up again, and I could barely walk, but it got much better throughout the day. 

 

For this challenge I am trying to get back into some good habits:

 

1. Exercise.

 

Do something that make me sweat every day

 

2. Journal

 

Write a journal every day.

 

3. Meditate

 

5 minutes meditation every day.

 

 

As a side challenge try not to kill anyone. We are starting our work year this coming Monday, and I am dreading it. Spending another year among stupid people I cannot stand is not something I am looking forward too. I am considering becoming an asshole just to drive them away. But getting rid of people in place with 40% unemployment is almost impossible.

 

My to-do list for this holiday was longer than my arm. I did my first item, got sidetracked by my father, had to rebuild a machine, had a burst waterpipe and basically spend my entire holiday doing things other people wanted me to do. I need to work on this boundary thing.

  • Like 2

Level 8 : Wizard Blacksmith 

[ STR 6 | DEX 6 | STA 5 | CON 5 | WIS 10 | CHA 4 ]

Jakkals, 2019 nommer 3

 

Spoiler

 

Adapt yourself to the things among which your lot has been cast

and love sincerely the fellow creatures with whom destiny has

ordained that you shall live.

-Marcus Aurelius

 

 

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Hi Jakkals!  I'm so sorry to hear that things are rough right now.  I wish there was something I could do or say that would make all your troubles go away.  Please, please feel free to PM me anytime with anything on your mind.  It would be my pleasure to help you sort through some of this stuff.

 

In the meantime, keep your chin up.  You are so much stronger than you know, and things will get better...even if it doesn't seem like it right now.  :love_heart:

  • Like 2
Spoiler

PREVIOUS CHALLENGES

2013: 6/1/13 - 7/24/13 - 9/15/13 - 11/6/13   2014: 1/5/142/19/14 - 4/9/14 - 6/6/14 - 7/24/14 - 9/11/14 - 11/5/14 

2015: 1/2/15 - 2/20/15 - 4/9/15 - 6/2/15 - 9/10/15 - 10/26/15   2016: 1/1/16 - 2/28/16 - 3/28/16 - 6/6/16 - 9/19/16 - 10/26/16 - 11/26/16   

2017: 1/1/17 - 9/17/17   2018: 1/1/18 - 2/5/18 - 8/13/18 - 11/26/18   2019: 1/7/19   2020: 9/13/20

 

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4 hours ago, LittleTurtle said:

 Please, please feel free to PM me anytime with anything on your mind.  It would be my pleasure to help you sort through some of this stuff.

 

I tend to go unsocial whenever things get really bad. Sharing is hard.

 

2 hours ago, Sloth the Enduring said:

Good luck brother.

 

Like always, nice to see you hanging around.

 

Woensdag

 

Slept latish, walked the dogs, went to the workshop and fiddled around. Busy trying to sort out part of the storeroom for my father's stuff.

 

1. I spend about 5 minutes on the elliptical, and I did break a sweat. More important was that I cleaned out my little exercise area, and I am getting closer to actually using it.

 

2. Some writing was done. I wrote around 250 words on Write or die. I do not think it really counts as journaling, but it is good to see my touch typing isn't too bad.

 

3.  5 minutes of meditation done.

 

I am having an outing tomorrow. 

  • Like 3

Level 8 : Wizard Blacksmith 

[ STR 6 | DEX 6 | STA 5 | CON 5 | WIS 10 | CHA 4 ]

Jakkals, 2019 nommer 3

 

Spoiler

 

Adapt yourself to the things among which your lot has been cast

and love sincerely the fellow creatures with whom destiny has

ordained that you shall live.

-Marcus Aurelius

 

 

Link to post
45 minutes ago, Jakkals said:

Sharing is hard.

It is one of the hardest things to do.  Which is also why it is so beneficial.  :) 

  • Like 2
Spoiler

PREVIOUS CHALLENGES

2013: 6/1/13 - 7/24/13 - 9/15/13 - 11/6/13   2014: 1/5/142/19/14 - 4/9/14 - 6/6/14 - 7/24/14 - 9/11/14 - 11/5/14 

2015: 1/2/15 - 2/20/15 - 4/9/15 - 6/2/15 - 9/10/15 - 10/26/15   2016: 1/1/16 - 2/28/16 - 3/28/16 - 6/6/16 - 9/19/16 - 10/26/16 - 11/26/16   

2017: 1/1/17 - 9/17/17   2018: 1/1/18 - 2/5/18 - 8/13/18 - 11/26/18   2019: 1/7/19   2020: 9/13/20

 

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On 1/9/2019 at 6:11 AM, Jakkals said:

I need to work on my co-dependency problems.

 

Co-dependency is a bitch. There's no cuter thing than a baby goat so here's one for you:

tenor.gif

 

 

On 1/9/2019 at 6:11 AM, Jakkals said:

I have no contact with anyone outside the internet, so have no support of any kind.

 

The first thing I've been told when going to see a support association for people dealing with an alcoholic closed one (not your situation but the advice still applies) is: "you're not responsible for what the dependent person is doing".

 

The second thing was: "your job is to live your life and be happy".

 

They've repeated it again, and again, everytime it's been necessary. Having outside support helped a lot. Is there no program or association near you that you could go to?

 

Please, also feel free to write of whatever you want, whenever you want in whatever amount of whatever words you want. Nobody here is out to judge you. :)

 

Also, none of the things you're told and none of the situations you end up stuck into make you any less of an awesome person.

 

 

On 1/9/2019 at 6:11 AM, Jakkals said:

My to-do list for this holiday was longer than my arm.

 

I like the order in which you're tackling your well being (first, do the small things that'll lift you up a little and then tackling on the big dragons). Don't go for overtly complicated or biting more than you can chew at once. Your one job now is to float (as opposed to sink)  and get those 5 minutes a day where you can let go of trouble and gradually find some kind of comfort zone. There's not much I can do but, for what it's worth, my thoughts are with you.

  • Like 3

Legally bound to hug people in need.

 

Living life as a Druid is about walking with the beasts. It's about being scared, looking your fears in the eyes and going on anyway. Dread doesn't go away, you just learn to know it. It's still a beast, it still has fangs, but you walk among it.

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My youngest also goes real quiet when he's upset. He told me the best thing I can do is just wait until he's ready to talk. When he finishes sorting things out in his head he does open up and talk. So we're here to listen whenever you're ready. 

  • Like 2
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Drove to the city, delivered some stuff, went to the mall, bought a donut, watched Bohemian Rhapsody, drove to another mall, had a coke and I will not talk about the amount of pizza that I have eaten, went home, and slept.

 

Today is walking behind a lawn mower day.

 

I will do some decent sort of post tonight.

  • Like 1

Level 8 : Wizard Blacksmith 

[ STR 6 | DEX 6 | STA 5 | CON 5 | WIS 10 | CHA 4 ]

Jakkals, 2019 nommer 3

 

Spoiler

 

Adapt yourself to the things among which your lot has been cast

and love sincerely the fellow creatures with whom destiny has

ordained that you shall live.

-Marcus Aurelius

 

 

Link to post
On 1/11/2019 at 8:10 AM, Jakkals said:

Bohemian Rhapsody

 

I've heard good things about it but it always takes a lot of motivation to take me into a theater. How was it?

 

  • Like 1

Legally bound to hug people in need.

 

Living life as a Druid is about walking with the beasts. It's about being scared, looking your fears in the eyes and going on anyway. Dread doesn't go away, you just learn to know it. It's still a beast, it still has fangs, but you walk among it.

Link to post
On 1/11/2019 at 12:21 AM, Jean said:

The second thing was: "your job is to live your life and be happy".

 

 

I am still trying to figure out what I like. "I just want to be alone" is not really a good option. Tempting however.

 

22 hours ago, Jean said:

 

I've heard good things about it but it always takes a lot of motivation to take me into a theater. How was it?

 

I like Queen's music, and I have read a biography on Freddie Mercury. I liked the movie, and I loved the music sequences.

 

Maandag

 

It was a weekend of destruction.

 

I cut the grass on all three properties, sprayed weed killer on anything that I couldn't cut, and finished off by poisoning the ants around the house.  All of this in the hottest days we've had this summer so far.

 

I have finally discovered a sport that I can watch and root for. I have watched all the video's of the Classic Tetris World Cup.

 

And we started to work today. It was as bad as I expected it to be.

 

  • Thanks 1

Level 8 : Wizard Blacksmith 

[ STR 6 | DEX 6 | STA 5 | CON 5 | WIS 10 | CHA 4 ]

Jakkals, 2019 nommer 3

 

Spoiler

 

Adapt yourself to the things among which your lot has been cast

and love sincerely the fellow creatures with whom destiny has

ordained that you shall live.

-Marcus Aurelius

 

 

Link to post

We had a massive thunderstorm yesterday afternoon. I drove through a big puddle and got something wet in my engine and managed to limp home at walking speed. This morning it was dry again and I could drive normally.

 

We are still cleaning the workshop. It look better, it will not stay that way.There has not been any real orders. Yet. I can but hope.

 

My back started hurting again last night. I think it is just stress related. I only managed to go to sleep at around one. Two nights running on 4 hours sleep is not good for me.

 

I cut and cleaned my fingernails tonight. Small victories count.

 

A few minutes on the elliptical, 5 minute meditation and 250 words.

 

Too much of what most of my life has been like. 

 

 

  • Like 1

Level 8 : Wizard Blacksmith 

[ STR 6 | DEX 6 | STA 5 | CON 5 | WIS 10 | CHA 4 ]

Jakkals, 2019 nommer 3

 

Spoiler

 

Adapt yourself to the things among which your lot has been cast

and love sincerely the fellow creatures with whom destiny has

ordained that you shall live.

-Marcus Aurelius

 

 

Link to post
2 hours ago, Jakkals said:

Small victories count.

Yes they do!

  • Like 1
Spoiler

PREVIOUS CHALLENGES

2013: 6/1/13 - 7/24/13 - 9/15/13 - 11/6/13   2014: 1/5/142/19/14 - 4/9/14 - 6/6/14 - 7/24/14 - 9/11/14 - 11/5/14 

2015: 1/2/15 - 2/20/15 - 4/9/15 - 6/2/15 - 9/10/15 - 10/26/15   2016: 1/1/16 - 2/28/16 - 3/28/16 - 6/6/16 - 9/19/16 - 10/26/16 - 11/26/16   

2017: 1/1/17 - 9/17/17   2018: 1/1/18 - 2/5/18 - 8/13/18 - 11/26/18   2019: 1/7/19   2020: 9/13/20

 

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And somehow a week went by.

 

The only really good thing that happened over this week: I repaired all the clamps in the workshop and made a shelf for them. It was something that has been bothering me for the past twenty years, and it is good to know that it is completed.

 

Work: Minimum wage is now law since the beginning of the year. Since our wage bill will have to go up, I suggested that we drop our weekly working hours from 45 to 40 hours. Reduced hours in these times is a good thing. And the really nice thing is that I will have more time for myself that I do not have to babysit the idiots. I am looking forward to it.

 

Challenge: Nothing. Days go past and suddenly it is bedtime. I need to work on my mindfulness.

 

 

  • Like 3

Level 8 : Wizard Blacksmith 

[ STR 6 | DEX 6 | STA 5 | CON 5 | WIS 10 | CHA 4 ]

Jakkals, 2019 nommer 3

 

Spoiler

 

Adapt yourself to the things among which your lot has been cast

and love sincerely the fellow creatures with whom destiny has

ordained that you shall live.

-Marcus Aurelius

 

 

Link to post

Looks like you're doing good to me: one good thing and a quick adaptation to a new situation that may allow you to take more time to slowly arrange your life toward something leaving you with more time to just be yourself. Hang in there, it may be slow but you're going forward, one step at a time.

  • Like 1

Legally bound to hug people in need.

 

Living life as a Druid is about walking with the beasts. It's about being scared, looking your fears in the eyes and going on anyway. Dread doesn't go away, you just learn to know it. It's still a beast, it still has fangs, but you walk among it.

Link to post

And ending this challenge on a very low note. Saturday morning I had to take the cat to the vet. He was 13 years old and things were going badly. He has been around the workshop since he was born, and will be badly missed.

 

51608745_10156119166846589_7687654764468

  • Sad 4

Level 8 : Wizard Blacksmith 

[ STR 6 | DEX 6 | STA 5 | CON 5 | WIS 10 | CHA 4 ]

Jakkals, 2019 nommer 3

 

Spoiler

 

Adapt yourself to the things among which your lot has been cast

and love sincerely the fellow creatures with whom destiny has

ordained that you shall live.

-Marcus Aurelius

 

 

Link to post

He looks like a fine chap. Adding my voice to the Sloth's.

  • Like 1

Legally bound to hug people in need.

 

Living life as a Druid is about walking with the beasts. It's about being scared, looking your fears in the eyes and going on anyway. Dread doesn't go away, you just learn to know it. It's still a beast, it still has fangs, but you walk among it.

Link to post

I'm so, so sorry Jakkals.  My heart goes out to you.  

  • Like 1
Spoiler

PREVIOUS CHALLENGES

2013: 6/1/13 - 7/24/13 - 9/15/13 - 11/6/13   2014: 1/5/142/19/14 - 4/9/14 - 6/6/14 - 7/24/14 - 9/11/14 - 11/5/14 

2015: 1/2/15 - 2/20/15 - 4/9/15 - 6/2/15 - 9/10/15 - 10/26/15   2016: 1/1/16 - 2/28/16 - 3/28/16 - 6/6/16 - 9/19/16 - 10/26/16 - 11/26/16   

2017: 1/1/17 - 9/17/17   2018: 1/1/18 - 2/5/18 - 8/13/18 - 11/26/18   2019: 1/7/19   2020: 9/13/20

 

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  • Like 1

Level 8 : Wizard Blacksmith 

[ STR 6 | DEX 6 | STA 5 | CON 5 | WIS 10 | CHA 4 ]

Jakkals, 2019 nommer 3

 

Spoiler

 

Adapt yourself to the things among which your lot has been cast

and love sincerely the fellow creatures with whom destiny has

ordained that you shall live.

-Marcus Aurelius

 

 

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