Merrin : Regroup

[Merrin]

It's time to get back to a couple of basic wellness goals. I've let myself fall into some harmful habits over the last year. Yesterday, after selling plasma, I asked the intake nurse to tell me how much I had weighed for the last two appointments, so I could add them to my health tracker. Over the last year, I've been steadily gaining weight. Four pounds after the cruise and the holidays, a few more pounds over the summer when I was barely working, a few more just this fall. If I'm honest, I know that I have been self-medicating with food. Lots of sugar, salt, starchy junky stuff. For the past year, I've been dealing with grief/depression due to my partner Duncan's health issues. He has spinal damage which has left him disabled, using a wheelchair, and unable to work. The summer before last, he had to quit his desk job. That same summer, we sold our house to pay off his medical bills, and my student debt. I was glad to be rid of the debt, primarily because it's meant less of a struggle over the last year and a half, in terms of meeting rent and still being able to do fun things. Duncan has finally received Medicaid, which has been helping with some of the issues, but he still needs a specialist, still needs to pursue surgery, and might not be able to do either of those two first things for at least a few months. 

 

He's way more of a homebody than me. Like, if there were a Kinsey Scale of Introversion, he'd be almost a Zero, whereas I hover at a 3. I like small events and outings with friends, but only a couple of times a month. However, since I've been afraid of losing him, I kept prioritizing his time more and more. It's not that I stopped seeing friends, but I definitely learned to redefine what I got out of those events and outings, what I need from friends and friendships, what it looks like when people prioritize me and express interest in me. I need to increase my Social Time, even a little, because it's good for my brain. 

 

Looking back over my couple years of challenges here, I picked a few things that have been consistently met, and have measurable outcomes or progress. The silly titles are pulled from past challenges also, because they were thematic and also help me keep focused on the intent of the goal.

 

Love is to Eat Anything Fluffy! Once upon a time, I tried eating Keto-style for a few challenges. It worked because it taught me to eat more intuitively, and generally eat healthier, more natural foods. Right now, however, all our food comes from the church pantry, so it's not as often lots of green foods or healthy proteins as I would like. However! I do typically receive at least a week's worth of those good, healthy, natural foods, and then a lot of shelf-stable foods and breads. Maddie taught me that food is how we show ourselves love. I have been feeding myself a lot of shoddy, short-lived, cheap love. I deserve good love. I deserve good food.

 

Goal: eat at caloric BMR, eat balanced meals, and not stuff my face full of snacks/carbs/sugar at the end of the day. CON + 2. 

 

Boo'ya Moon. A weird continuation of a past 'Moon' goal which was just ensuring a weekly date night with Dunks. However, our options are different now with the wheelchair and his Spoons Level. Best ideas: arcade, movie theatre, book store, brunch. 

 

Goal: two dates during the challenge. 

 

Time for Walkies! Now that I'm back in school, I usually hit a 3k step count pretty easy. If I don't, I'll try to walk to the mailbox or the nearby Pokestop. 

 

Goal: Hit step count at work. Go for a walk on the weekends. DEX + 2. 

 

Go the F*@# to Sleep. The depression has been giving me some weird insomnia for the last few weeks. I blame the holidays and I hope it will get better. However, I also need to be getting to bed earlier in order to leave the house earlier to not be late to work more days than not. 

 

Goal: wind down at 9. In bed before 10. Have tea, put on music, read, etc. STA + 2. 

 

Mirror Mirror: I hate the winter and the winter hates my skin. It makes my KP flare up, which makes me feel icky and uncomfortable in my own skin. Good self care is addressing this and taking care of it as best I can.

 

Goal: routine as necessary, plus fancy bath stuff when needed. CHA + 2. 

 

Mountains of Books! Cascades of Books! After two years, I've finally made it through the backlogs of books on my shelves. Now I need to get a library card, and figure out the closest branch to my house. And bother friends for recommendations.

 

Goal: two new books over the challenge. WIS + 2. 

[WolfDreamer]

On 1/9/2019 at 3:51 PM, Merrin said:

I've been dealing with grief/depression due to my partner Duncan's health issues. He has spinal damage which has left him disabled, using a wheelchair, and unable to work. The summer before last, he had to quit his desk job. That same summer, we sold our house to pay off his medical bills, and my student debt.

 

Oh my goodness. That's a lot to handle. Love and prayers to you and to Duncan.

 

Your goals looks great. We're here to support you. Let me know if I can help in any way.

[Merrin]

Book recommendations please! I like Steven King, Terry Pratchett, Joe Hill, Gregory Maguire, Welcome to Night Vale, Diana Wynne Jones, and for overall genres I read fantasy, comedy, horror, and dystopia.

[Skywalker]

Sorry to hear of your challenges in life, but you seem to have a good solid set of goals to move forward.

 

It's hard to juggle different social needs in a couple.  I struggle with this myself and find if I fall into the habits of fitting in with hubby that this affects my mood and that I need to ensure I am being social enough for my own needs.  

 

Sorry I can't help with book recommendations - I'd still be trying to get through the extensive writings of King and Pratchett.

 

 

[Merrin]

7 hours ago, Skywalker said:

Sorry I can't help with book recommendations - I'd still be trying to get through the extensive writings of King and Pratchett.

 

 

 

Actually, you did help, in reminding me that there are several Discworld I haven't read yet. I've gone through almost all of King, except for the latest trilogy set, and some of his wayyy older stuff.

[Skywalker]

Actually, I have only read King's early stuff.  The Stand is one of my favourite books.

[Tanktimus the Encourager]

I just found this challenge. I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. I'll be following from here on out.

[Merrin]

Oh jeez, I have not been doing too great on this challenge. I update a lot of daily things in my Bujo, but then never on here. Recapping for Levels/Gainz:

 

Week Jan 9 - 15:

 

LEAF! 2 / 7 days tracked at goal. 

Walkies! 2 / 7 days walked to step count. 

Books! I've started 2 new non-fiction, both about food. One is called Don't Eat This Book, by Morgan Spurlock, the same guy who did the SuperSize Me book/film. It's really eye-opening and has been helping me re-orient my brain and appetite. The other is The Omnivore's Dilemma (Young Reader Edition) because I work in a school and sometimes I try to read what they're reading. I've been reading Lisey's Story {S King} for the 2nd time. I have a Gregory Maguire book I ought to start. 

Sleep: 4/7 according to my app, which is default set to track sleep starting at 10, but all that really means is that I wasn't on my phone. 

Mirror: I always do a scrub the same day that I wash my hair, so I'l give myself credit for the week.

[Merrin]

On 1/12/2019 at 3:05 AM, Skywalker said:

Actually, I have only read King's early stuff.  The Stand is one of my favourite books.

 

I never got into The Stand. It wasn't just the length, but knowing just how deeply King likes to delve into the darker parts of humanity, and I was concerned with some story elements. So I just didn't read it.

 

Also, I'm throwing this out there as a general catch-all. If I don't reply to your posts on my thread, or only ever use the react emojis, don't take it personally. I get worn out very quickly by the para-social network that is forums, and I appreciate having a place with support and check-ins, but I don't 'talk' a lot on here, obviously by my only updating once in 2 weeks. 

[Merrin]

On a day that started with nonsense and stress, it seems like a good time to start a Gratitude list. So, for today:

 

1. I am grateful for a team that makes me feel appreciated and valued, and constantly says kind and uplifting things to me. I was out sick yesterday, and a staffer said they missed me. I found resources for a teacher, and they told me that I'm 'just the best human'. (Gender Feels for the win right here.) And I was messaging some things to another staff member, who simply told me 'I appreciate you!'.

 

2. I am grateful that my partner stays at home and is thus able to deal with the maintenance crew that had to come in today. The roof is severely leaking, down into my furnace room, to the point that it's soaked several feet of carpet. Apparently maintenance had to move both my sewing table and our games cabinet, so Dunks is keeping a close eye on them. They even had to cut holes into the wall to get to the leaking ducts. So this is going to be several days worth of bullshit...and I guarantee they wouldn't have called to ask/tell me about moving the furniture, because they sure as hell didn't call before going to my unit, despite my asking them.

 

3. I am grateful for the church food bank that has kept me in groceries for the past several weeks, and I get to go again tomorrow. 

 

4. I am grateful for my school feeding us delicious catered taco buffet today, thusly stretching my food budget 1 more day and also giving me cookies and soda.