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ladyofthebog

Lady of the Bog is Trapped by Old Man Willow

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On 1/21/2019 at 2:54 PM, Chargold said:

Following along because I feel you are a kindred spirit. I suffer from severe clinical depression, currently unmedicated. I feel your struggle, girl. Here for support if you need it!

thank you for being here. i'm glad to have you :)

20 hours ago, ReturnOfTheDad said:

Another vote of support, clinical depression here as well. I weaned off my antidepressant in April of 2017. I still remember how loud and intense everything felt. The first week was the worst, but it got better and I could enjoy sunsets and my kids smiles in a way I couldn’t before. I still have tough days, but they are balanced out so much more by the good days, and on those rough days I have good friends I can talk to and of course everyone here at NF. You’re not alone, keep up the fight, it gets better. You got this!

 

Music helped me a lot then and it still does now, here’s one of my go-to’s, hope it helps:

 

..also a pocket pig, because all things in balance.:)

 

You strike me as wise. This is a big compliment as it is my most prized attribute. In high school, my goal was to be a "wise old woman." it's informed my major life decisions ever since. "loud and intense" EXACTLY. I didn't think of it that way but reading that I realize that is exactly how I am feeling. My senses are super sensitive right now.

 

Anyways, this whole thread is reminding of the the Jungian idea of the wounded healer and Chiron in Greek mythology: " "a good half of every treatment that probes at all deeply consists in the doctor's examining himself... it is his own hurt that gives a measure of his power to heal." I'm also reminded of Lenard Cohen, " Forget your perfect offering/There is a crack, a crack in everything (there is a crack in everything)/That's how the light gets in." The meaning given to our struggles and pain is that core of what it is to be human. It's sacred as anything is.

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Following, and reflecting on my own experiences.
It looks like you have a lot of support here and I hope you have a lot of support from those you see face to face every day.
And yes Redwall Books make me Hungry.

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Midweek Update Week 3:

 So, I'm feeling a lot, a lot better. I was having some pretty gnar physical side effects r/t discontinuation syndrome (I suspect) including but not limited to: vertigo and visual disturbances. Those have diminished significantly. My mood is stabilizing a lot more and I'm feeling much more ordered in my mind. This whole process has been positive if only because it has made abundantly clear to me something I knew intellectually but not somatically (in the body): 

          Our chemistry influences our thoughts and feelings to such extent that they can shape our reality, or at least, experience of things. There is a person (a Sophie in this case) that exists beyond the vicissitudes of my chemicals, neurotransmitters, synapses, gut microflora (whatever it may be) that is enduring and still. That's not to say that feelings of thoughts aren't real but maybe it is better to recognize them as guideposts- read them like signs or tea leaves- to be interpreted within a greater framework rather than truths in themselves.  FOOD FOR THOUGHT. This also reminds me of one of my favorite Rumi poems. I think it was the first I've ever read actually. I'll post below.

 

As per working out. I'm killing it, actually. I think it feels good to have something that is so tangible and something that I can be in control of. Control and release are themes I a m working on this lifetime. I'm working out a schedule with my husband where I can get to the gym a few days a week. Mostly, when he comes home from work, I'm just so excited to talk to him and spend time with him it's hard to rip myself away to go to the gym. But, it feeds me, and we can always stay up talking after the munchkin goes to sleep (well, clearly, the girl goes to sleep at 7).

 

 Thank you for all the support. This process has been hard but also incredibly fruitful in terms of personal growth and insight. I'll keep you all posted and hopefully push this thread more towards health and fitness related content.

On 1/22/2019 at 8:58 PM, "Jake" said:

Following, and reflecting on my own experiences.
It looks like you have a lot of support here and I hope you have a lot of support from those you see face to face every day.
And yes Redwall Books make me Hungry.

DUDE. I wonder if there is Redwall cookbook. If not, let's write it. Quick internet search reveals: darn

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Redwall_Cookbook

Thank you for your kind words.

 

Now, I am going to workout!

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Guesthouse

 (translated by Coleman Barks)

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

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27 minutes ago, ladyofthebog said:

DUDE. I wonder if there is Redwall cookbook. If not, let's write it. Quick internet search reveals: darn

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Redwall_Cookbook

Thank you for your kind words.

 

Now, I am going to workout!

It's definitely a start! But it can be added to. Especially in the brew section, such as: Elderberry Wine, Redcurrent Ale,  Strawberry Cordial, Shrew Beer.

I hope you have a good workout. I'm going to Walk to Mordor with my dogs, I keep restarting that one...

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On 1/22/2019 at 6:46 PM, ladyofthebog said:

You strike me as wise. This is a big compliment as it is my most prized attribute. In high school, my goal was to be a "wise old woman." it's informed my major life decisions ever since. "loud and intense" EXACTLY. I didn't think of it that way but reading that I realize that is exactly how I am feeling. My senses are super sensitive right now.

 

Thank you, that means a lot. I’ve been very fortunate to have a lot of people share with me over the last couple of years as I’ve tackled my mental health issues and very glad to be of some help.

 

So glad you are feeling better and totally relate to what you said about emotions being guide posts! I know without the medication my emotions can swing a lot more, but intellectually I understand  my condition and have some close friends to call as well as tools to act as my compass to show me the way back what I start veering off the path of joy and serenity . Sometimes it can take me some time and it is enough just to have that path in view even if I can’t walk it right then. I know that it’s there and with time, work, and the support of those around me I can get back on it. 

 

Keep fighting the good fight, you’re doing it shoulder to shoulder with friends. :) 

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Week 3 Update: Bucket o' Feelings

  Y'all, the feelings. SO MANY FEELINGS. And much perseverance and working out. Lol, that could be the update this week.

“She was having a hard time managing her feelings at this point, mostly because she hadn't felt them in so long-they confused her... After you've been numbed for a while, disorientation is a natural reaction as you come back around. It's like waking up from anesthesia and not knowing exactly where you are.” Danielle Laporte (love, love, love her)

 

Extended version:

Muscle stuff

Hot dog, I physically am feeling strong, fit and, to be honest, hot? I realize this is a girl thing but, man, do I love working out with bands. I recently got these ones to add to my stash and they just make my heart sing and booty burn:

https://www.amazon.com/GYMBANDIT-Heavy-Ultra-Heavy-Resistance-Bands/dp/B07BR6NGWZ/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1548713546&sr=8-3&keywords=resistance+bands+extra+strong

 

Brain Stuff

Coming off of meds has been a really wild ride so far. I feel like a membrane has been peeled off. I'm sensitive for sure but I also think that my sensitivity is one of my greatest strengths? It's also been good to lean on other people. The other night my dad came by just because and brought supplements (courtesy of my mom), home made carrot juice), raw chocolate (ie mana) and bath salts. I felt so loved and cared for. If I hadn't shared I was struggling, I wouldn't have seen him and I wouldn't have had raw chocolate (chuckle chuckle)

 

Hobbit Stuff

You know, it's remarkable how much life can change when you live with a modicum of intention. I remember my first challenge on here was to live like a hobbit. Well, I have been living more like a hobbit and it's been life changing. Living like a hobbit, we've kept our bills low: tiny home means we have no mortgage, no rent, we have one car so I walk and bike a lot (good for the health and I feel connected with my neighborhood), I cook most of our meals and make lunches for my husband to take to work, I try to buy used things when ever possible because I'm just so heart broken about the scouring of our shire (re: earth). Plus, living in a small house really has me questioning buying shiz because I have to contemplate clutter and where we will put it.

 

Anyways, without really even budgeting, we've saved $18 K in 3.5 months (then last night we just learned we need to pay an extra $10k in taxes but... not going to let this accomplishment be marred by that (*goes into corner and whimpers*)? Isn't that nuts? I realize money is a taboo subject but this is all to say that it's remarkable what living intentionally can have on one's life.

 

Santa Cruz Stuff

I love that Brook Ence lives in Santa Cruz! Literally have done this run hundreds of times:

 

Le Challenge:

  • make a MD appointment
  • let friends/family know
  • cardio
  • self-care
  • make an appointment w/ naturopath (DARN IT STILL NEED TO DO THIS!!)
  • make an appointment for acupuncture

  

RECENT JOURNAL PROMPT: How do you want to feel? What is bullshit about popular conceptions of manifestation/the secret? how do they get it wrong and how does that relate to intention/manifestation?

xxoo

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The Return Journe

  It was my birthday last week! I worked out, took a nap, spent some time with friends, and ate an enormous amount of sushi, pho, and had a whole flight of cakes. The next day I went to vegan brunch with my mum. Yesterday, I had birthday dinner with my parents- delicious ratatouille and homemade coconut ice cream (I'm still off the dairy bus. feel great but.... MY KINGDOM FOR CHEESE).

  As this is a fitness/diet/self improvementish thread, I'll mention that I think I've done pretty okay-ish with my diet over birthday extravaganza? I've worked out every day this week. For D&D and I made healthy sweet potato enchiladas. Instead of the smorgasbord of snack debauchery I usually put together, we had fruit,  a vegetable plate, and homemade granola and coconut yogurt (you can make coconut yogurt in your instant pot!!!) for dessert (granola has a ton of calories but oh well). I'm going to continue experimenting with serving healthy dinners at D&D and hopefully there will not be too much rabble-rousing.  

 

What else happened this week?

 - I got a trailer hitched to the back of my bike so I pulled around my daughter, Rowboat, out and about on some silly errands this week (library, plant store for seeds, and local thrift store) . Good workout. 

 - I had a phone interview for a PRN job I really would like. I'll be shadowing someone in the next coming weeks and then I imagine an interview? 

-  so earlier this week I was feeling really shitty because of how delicate I am? Like I can't handle the cold, but I also can't handle the heat. I get sunburnt easily (I"m even allergic, YES ALLERGIC, to the sun at times). Mosquito bites make me swell. I need sleep to function. Alcohol makes me feel ill. I can't handle greasy food. I just wish I was a bit more... hardy? Anyway, I randomly watched a youtube about redheads and learned that redheads are temperature sensitive endemically. oooh, so now I know: I'm a wimp because of GENES. I FIND THIS GREATLY SATISFYING.

giphy.gifgiphy.gif

 

This challenge I've been a lot. I've had a lot of feelings and thoughts. I feel more alive than have in some time. I've been doing some serious soul, stardust, sky searching. I find it remarkable how much putting my conscious onto something makes it happen. I came into this wanting clarification and though I don't really have any answers to, well, anything, I have mapped out a certain bits of the coastline of the land o' Sophie. Can' wait for next challenge!

 

I go now to work on the booty once again.

giphy.gif

PS why is this gif so small?? internet mystery.

xxoo

Sophie

IT SNOWED LAST NIGHT:

IMG_0280.thumb.JPG.58054eaf71fa5c41a63bd54259eda600.JPGIMG_0279.thumb.JPG.33d2a823de852b88502b843fc48ff913.JPG

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Adorable toddler in the snow. I enjoyed watching the neighbor kids play in the snow yesterday. Happy Late birthday.  Was the homemade coconut ice cream good? I have trouble getting mine the right consistency. But maybe my little baby ice cream maker is  dying.  Did you like the coconut yogurt? I haven't tried it yet, but my instapot has a yogurt setting

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On 2/5/2019 at 9:37 AM, Elastigirl said:

Adorable toddler in the snow. I enjoyed watching the neighbor kids play in the snow yesterday. Happy Late birthday.  Was the homemade coconut ice cream good? I have trouble getting mine the right consistency. But maybe my little baby ice cream maker is  dying.  Did you like the coconut yogurt? I haven't tried it yet, but my instapot has a yogurt setting

you are in washington, right? i hear lots of snow up there. we just have slush here in portland. 

i did like the coconut yogurt (i have a link if you'd like to see recipe! ). as per the coconut ice cream, i kind of like the texture? i especially like where the coconut is fatter and congeals but i have strange textural tastes? 

making vegan pho (i realize this is sacrilege, pho is beef brother but whatever) tonight in the instant pot super curious to see how it turns out. 

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On 2/5/2019 at 9:49 AM, "Jake" said:

Happy Birthday! 

 

On 2/6/2019 at 12:37 AM, DarK_RaideR said:

Happy belated birthday!

thank you! Alas, eleventy-one years is far too short a time to live among such excellent and admirable hobbits.I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve

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