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ladyofthebog

Lady of the Bog is Trapped by Old Man Willow

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Hello, I am back and late! I've been trash at updating on here after a busy autumn and winter. I'll endeavor to be better! Where am I at? I've been working out at home mostly because it is what get it done which means that I've sacrificed lifting heavy for more volume and cardio. This change came after about a month and a half of working out sporadically. It's working for now. I miss lifting heavy but I'm starting to feel in fantastic cardiovascular shape and finding that rewarding. Plus, as I'll mention below- I'm trying to get off my anti-depressant and cardio beats the doldrums out. So, without further adieu-

 

Le Quest

Make the steps to consciously depart from my anti-depressant

 So, I had the brilliant idea of trying to step off of my anti-depressant on my own this winter- DESPITE KNOWING BETTER, DESPITE BEING AN RN. Of course (said retrospectively), didn't go so well. So, I need to go see the MD. I need to utilize my support systems and loved ones. I need to keep up the cardio. I need to check myself before I wreck myself. I'll keep y'all updated.

  • make a MD appointment
  • let friends/family know
  • cardio
  • self-care
  • make an appointment w/ naturopath
  • make an appointment for acupuncture

 

Work through the 80 Day Obsession

  I've written about my general distaste for MLMs and beachbody a lot on here but it's what is working now and I'm enjoying it. So, I'll get over my haterade and just accept that I'm liking it. If I get the gumptin up, I'll post before/afters. I'm on week two now.

 

 Journal

 This is related to the above departure from my anti-depressant but it's also, as the title of this thread suggests, I'm feeling a bit lost when it comes to what I want to be doing with myself, my identity, my intuition. I have a lot of questions broiling inside of me that I need to work through.

  

Part of this is because I recently quit my job (well, kind of, they convinced me to stay on for one day/weekend until they can find someone to replace me) as a hospice nurse. I love working in hospice but it's been taking a toll on me. I've carried a lot of people through suffering and I feel it in my heart. It's taken a lot for me to admit this. Without applying for other jobs, I suppose I'll be a stay at home mom for awhile. I've worked since I was 16, even younger if you count my parent's bookstore, so this is a major change in my identity.  Lots to think about. Lots to journal.

  • Journal at least 3x/week
    • consider prompts

 

Thank you all of you have taken the time to read this. I'm very grateful for this community. 

 

 

little fish is getting so big!

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Welcome.  Following along.  

 

As a hobbit, especially one doing a fair amount of cardio, you might wish to join us on the journey to Mordor perhaps?

 

Dovie'andi se tovya sagain

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What's that?  You're weaning off Antidepressants? You want us to flood your challenge with adorable animal photos?  k.

 

ZDu7UGI.jpg

(not my puppy, unfortunately)

I had a friend wean herself off gradually over a few months.  It was miserable, but she had her support group (including me).  It's good you're taking smart steps.

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On 1/9/2019 at 9:24 PM, bker1370 said:

Welcome.  Following along.  

 

As a hobbit, especially one doing a fair amount of cardio, you might wish to join us on the journey to Mordor perhaps?

 

Dovie'andi se tovya sagain

i'm on the journey to mordor- just got lost for a moment! i'll post more and keep my fitbit up! good to see another LOTRer (not to confused with loiterer)

 

On 1/10/2019 at 12:05 AM, Rusk said:

What's that?  You're weaning off Antidepressants? You want us to flood your challenge with adorable animal photos?  k.

 

ZDu7UGI.jpg

(not my puppy, unfortunately)

I had a friend wean herself off gradually over a few months.  It was miserable, but she had her support group (including me).  It's good you're taking smart steps.

 yes, please. all the cute animals. i will collect them all!!!

 

On 1/10/2019 at 12:12 AM, DarK_RaideR said:

Welcome back!

good day! glad to be here

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Le Quest: Week I

Make the steps to consciously depart from my anti-depressant

  • make a MD appointment: have a weaning schedule; saw the MD today
  • let friends/family know
  • cardio
  • self-care: going to take a nice bubble bath + bath bomb extravaganza tonight. is there anything more healing than a good soak? there's a song about this in the fellowship, right?
  • make an appointment w/ naturopath
  • make an appointment for acupuncture

 

Work through 80 Day Obsession

 Have hit all my workouts this week. I need to get my diet in line and I think I'd see more physical results? Getting better at the moves at least.

  

 

 Journal

  • Journal at least 3x/week
    • consider prompts: will search for these today

UNRELATED- Two questions:

  • Any fantasy books to recommend to our book club? 
  • Anybody host Catan parties? Adding a Catan group into the mix. This house is full of events- D&D, book club, and now Catan- I want to make it special somehow.

Thank you all for following along!

 

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2 minutes ago, Rusk said:

images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRgSBaRjRB8ktTPJRDWUdq

 

Daily Dose of D'awwww

AHH I love! It used to be a tradition with my family to go on a sea otter viewing hike for my eldest brother's birthday every year. Benefits of growing up in a pretty place!

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Just now, ladyofthebog said:

self-care: going to take a nice bubble bath + bath bomb extravaganza tonight. is there anything more healing than a good soak? there's a song about this in the fellowship, right?

Not gonna lie, I'd kill for a bath tub big enough for me.  D:  

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1 hour ago, ladyofthebog said:

Le Quest: Week I

Make the steps to consciously depart from my anti-depressant

 

Weaning myself off antidepressants was one of the hardest things I've ever done (and I've done some TOUGH shit over the years), and not to be discouraging, but I'm still not entirely sure I made the right decision, but I'll trade the semi-occasional waltz in the dark with my demons for feeling like a human being again.  I didn't have a choice this time last year (chemo doesn't cooperate with the meds I was on apparently), but I'm not emotionally numb anymore.  No more Zombie!Rurik.  It's worth the struggle to have my highs AND lows back.

 

Best of luck to you and I'll be keeping a close eye here to see how things go for you!

 

tumblr_o0am2oqJNj1u51fn2o1_500.gif

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7 hours ago, Rurik Harrgath said:

 

Weaning myself off antidepressants was one of the hardest things I've ever done (and I've done some TOUGH shit over the years), and not to be discouraging, but I'm still not entirely sure I made the right decision, but I'll trade the semi-occasional waltz in the dark with my demons for feeling like a human being again.  I didn't have a choice this time last year (chemo doesn't cooperate with the meds I was on apparently), but I'm not emotionally numb anymore.  No more Zombie!Rurik.  It's worth the struggle to have my highs AND lows back.

 

Best of luck to you and I'll be keeping a close eye here to see how things go for you!

 

tumblr_o0am2oqJNj1u51fn2o1_500.gif

why thank you. ahh, aragorn, my heart goes pitter patter. look at his neck, even his neck is super hot. sigh. yeah, i'm sick of the numb, i want the juicy messy back too. well, i want the juicey messy ideally without crippling self loathing and storm clouds. i'll keep you guys updated.  

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Following because you seem awesome and I'm also a LOTRer. :D Hi there from the half-elven quarter-hobbit side of the Knowne World :D 

 

Also someone else gets it about the whole "I'm running [or insert preferred cardio here] because it makes my head less loud" thing! (I have similar reasons about black coffee. It tastes like LIFE and DOING THINGS. XD Literally a run and a pot of coffee have gotten me through days I would have been a curled up ball. People without the mental illness thing do not get it, so they're very confused when I say that I need to go running. Good job doing the things and accepting what works, even if it isn't what you'd prefer it to be right now! 

 

Oh and have you read Tamora Pierce? Because she's great. Protector of the Small Quartet series is very good. 

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Welcome back!

the new book by Brandon Sanderson :Skyward, The Powder Mage series by Brian McKellan, and an old book that I just enjoyed re-reading A Wrinkle in Time

 

I love Settlers of Cataan. It's a great one for game night

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8 hours ago, Kharissandra said:

Following because you seem awesome and I'm also a LOTRer. :D Hi there from the half-elven quarter-hobbit side of the Knowne World :D 

 

Also someone else gets it about the whole "I'm running [or insert preferred cardio here] because it makes my head less loud" thing! (I have similar reasons about black coffee. It tastes like LIFE and DOING THINGS. XD Literally a run and a pot of coffee have gotten me through days I would have been a curled up ball. People without the mental illness thing do not get it, so they're very confused when I say that I need to go running. Good job doing the things and accepting what works, even if it isn't what you'd prefer it to be right now! 

 

Oh and have you read Tamora Pierce? Because she's great. Protector of the Small Quartet series is very good. 

Yay! I'm glad you stopped by. I'm following you back- wait, if we are both following each other does that mean we are questing together? I hope so. Ooohhh, we should have 23 and me Middle Earth Style. Let's figure something out and I can make t-shits (seriously, I have a cricut and it is the best).

   Yes, cardio is mana for mood. Thank you for 'preciating the ole' flexibility thing. It's something I've been working on for years. 

    Ohhh, I'll check out this Tamora Piece. Most of the book club is dudes so I'm not sure how hard of a sell it might be??

7 hours ago, Elastigirl said:

Welcome back!

the new book by Brandon Sanderson :Skyward, The Powder Mage series by Brian McKellan, and an old book that I just enjoyed re-reading A Wrinkle in Time

 

I love Settlers of Cataan. It's a great one for game night

YES, good recommendations!! There's a few Sanderson fans so I bet it'll fly (into the sky... skywards if you wil. why am I like this?). Cataan is on for tonight.I get super competitive...  Can I also commend you, Elastigirl, for always helping me feel super seen and motivated? Thank youuuuu

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8 hours ago, Rusk said:

images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTRmafKegUHIixw_QRV3Z8

I hope you are having success taking things one day at a time!

man, you make me feel special. more animals. more cute. i will devour it allllll. MUAHAHHAHA. ahem. excuse me.

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On 1/11/2019 at 9:26 PM, ladyofthebog said:

yeah, i'm sick of the numb, i want the juicy messy back too. well, i want the juicey messy ideally without crippling self loathing and storm clouds.

 

Well, I personally don't think you're asking too much, but what do I know?  Apparently our chemical composition and hormonal imbalances disagree!

 

More Aragorn, cuz #solidarity!

 

giphy.gif

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Week 1 Review:

My mind is a jumble right now so I'm going to type in lists stream of conscious style (regular kerouac am i:onthego:):

1) watching action movies--particularly superhero movies- is good workout inspiration fodder. I thought I'd share but I realize everybody already knows this now that i've typed it out. in another life, i'd love to be a stunt woman. i'd like to figure out how to get more of that into my life.

 

2) i feel like i'm strumming my own chord here but, man, i'm good at playing catan. i have no idea why but i'm quietly (in my public life) and inordinately proud of this. particularly beating my husband because he's such a brainiac. remind me this of when i am feeling particularly bad- (psst: sophie, remember you are a fantastic strategist in the realm of catan).

 

3) actually, i feel shitty at this moment. i'm not sure what about. just shitty. which is too bad because i actually feel objectively good about a lot of the choices i've been making lately. i killed a workout today, had a fun night with friends, life is good but, likely due to the noggin chemicals, i feel shitty. it feels good sharing that though? i feel shitty that i don't know what i want to do with my career. i feel shitty that i can be so competitive. i feel shitty that i need so much sleep (yes, friends, my brain is actually telling me right now to feel shitty about the amount of sleep i need). that last one made me laugh and hopefully drew me somewhat out of this spiral. oh wait... i ALSO feel shitty that i haven't been all that creative lately.

 

4) writing in the diary has been good and i even found a list of prompts that i'm liking.

 

5) i'm plodding through the moves to get this brain/body/soul/ether/meatsuit/stardust that is me into something that feels whole. Sometimes the mere existence of consciousness trips me out. how very miraculous is it that we can contemplate the universe, matter, love, being? In the vast reaches of particles and matter and space- here we are: thinking and loving and striving and struggling. It seems to improbable to... just be.

 

I'm trying to figure out right now whether going to the beach house with my daughter would be good for the next few days. It's likely to be cold as hell (this phrase- cold as hell reminds me of dante then of course robert frost:

           Some say the world will end in fire,
           Some say in ice.
           From what I’ve tasted of desire
           I hold with those who favor fire.
          But if it had to perish twice,
          I think I know enough of hate
         To say that for destruction ice
         Is also great
         And would suffice.)

  ANYWAY: I kind of feel like I'd rather have company of adults. The lonesome Oregon coast is probably better when my brain is a bit more even? Maybe I'll go next week instead.

 

Appreciate all of you. I'm glad we're on the planet together.

 

Also, among all of this: my butt shelf is coming along. keep plodding...

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Also, please keep steady stream of cute animals and aragorn/momoa. tis good for the soul and cardiac function. @Rusk and @Rurik Harrgath

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download.png.f61e066a98f0226797939ecf602995fc.png

 

 

Not everyone has thought of action movies as good workout fodder. I'm only just starting to watch superhero movies (college destroyed my life, and now I'm excited to do ALL THE THINGS) and I think I agree with you! Good job on the self-reflection and the journaling thing!! Woohoo!!! Please enjoy the adorable fierce cats above! :D

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18 hours ago, ladyofthebog said:

) i feel like i'm strumming my own chord here but, man, i'm good at playing catan. i have no idea why but i'm quietly (in my public life) and inordinately proud of this. particularly beating my husband because he's such a brainiac. remind me this of when i am feeling particularly bad- (psst: sophie, remember you are a fantastic strategist in the realm of catan).

I shall remind you of this. And you can remind me that while I may not always win, I have beaten both my husband and son in Cataan

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