Of all the members of your unit, you're the only one left alive

[ChaosMorphy]

It's time to re spawn. I unfortunately was unsuccessful the first time. I think I leaned too much on outside forces. For example, my gym buddy moved to Kansas and so I stopped going to the gym. My (now ex) husband stopped helping me plan meals and my accountabilibuddy had a few major life events that have made her basically disappear from my life. A piece of the life I was building fell apart as the person attached to it fell out of my life. I was supposed to be doing this for myself but I twisted it around and turned myself into the supporter instead of the supported. 

 

So what am I going to do differently? How am I going to set myself up for success? I think I simply need to educate myself and use NF more than I did before.

The two most difficult modules are the Nutrition and Mindset. So those are what I'm going to focus on.

 

Right now I'm working the NF diet levels. Today I successfully tracked everything I ate. I found an app that is incredibly simple and takes me maybe three seconds to log my food. Which is a bonus because I will come up with an excuse not to write it down or say I'll get to it later or just somehow put it off. SHYE app makes you take a picture so if I don't do it then I can't do it later (there is a way around it but I'm going to pretend there isn't.)

 

Ugh, sharing my "big why" feels silly. I absolutely am embarrassed about it but here goes (also knocking out my 20 seconds of courage):

I  want to be noticed. I want to be told I'm beautiful and more importantly I want to feel beautiful and smile when I'm checking the mirror before I leave the house. I don't believe anyone is ugly but I don't think the average person qualifies as beautiful or attractive without putting in some kind of effort. It takes work, established routines and discipline. All things I'm lacking in my life and I don't want them to be. Putting in the effort is scary. It is time to do it, I'm almost 30, time to get over it.

 

It's hard to be honest with myself and I will always be nervous to be honest with others but what the hell. the worst that can happen is I quit again and have to start over again. I don't want that to happen but if it does it won't be the end of my world. I'll just have to try again and try again a little bit better.

 

AAAAnd If you were able to follow along you are my hero. I've been told I type how I think and speak and its a little chaotic (I have no plans to change that though, it's a part of who I am and a part I don't mind)

 

[Jean]

What to say except that the feeling I get out of your text is that you've got this. Failure only happens when you stop trying so you already understand the hardest part of the mindset module.

 

Also,

 

13 hours ago, ChaosMorphy said:

Ugh, sharing my "big why" feels silly.

 

It feels silly, but it isn't. Feeling great and seeing it in the eyes of the people around us is a great way to live. People who think well of themselves and feel happy tend to be very attractive too so, that's both a physical and mindset journey. Here's to you!