Tourennatrix is more than a January Member

[tourennatrix]

Hello there! 

 

Consider this a re-spawn of a sort. I started the NF challenges back in August of 2015, and had an amazing time, and great results- including finding capoeira, almost achieving a proper handstand, having a period of really clean eating, and of course having some pretty bomb friends to share the journey with <3 However over time, obstacles got in the way, and it came time to step away from the forums for a while. My last attempt at a decent challenge was August of 2017. A lot has happened since then.

 

I think when I left off, I had recently quit my hell-hole of a job (I recall my therapist hypothesizing that the building must have been built on the site of an Indian massacre, based on how everyone behaved), and moved back in with my husband. I spent the winter working what was going to be a temporary job doing phone customer service at a local retail shop. At the time, it was tolerable because I started at less than full time, and it was temporary, and the people seemed to be a bit better than at my old job. It extended through the year and I'm still there and it's tolerable because I'm only part time and the people are great. It's definitely not where I want to be, but it pays the bills and it's WAY better than where I was.

 

In April, I moved out of the husband's house to live with a friend. In May I got a sick-ass apartment I could only just barely afford, because I needed to not feel like a guest. I needed my own space, so I could do some proper soul searching. This has definitely happened. In August, we finalized our divorce, and I have been processing the nuances of being really good friends with him, but also having loads of my own baggage to sort through. It has been tough, but also an amazing growth experience.

 

Also in August, I started school! Towards the end of my challenges, I had started studying for a personal trainer certification, but with all of the flux of my living situation, and my fears of the peopling side of the job, that fell by the wayside. Now, I am studying at a local community college to become a Physical Therapist Assistant! It's a 2-year program, graduating in May of 2020, and I believe the board exam is in July. 

 

SO. Here we are. It's January, and as much as I dislike resolutions, after doing some pondering, I think I've come up with a few larger goals, which I will break down into smaller chunks for easier digestion: (I will try to update these as I progress on the main goals)

 

 

Goal #1: Mostly Paleo by the end of June

Food has been one of my biggest struggles since I moved out, and again especially since I started school. I do not have (nor do I want) a microwave, and I don't always tolerate leftovers well anyway. Oh and the random spikes of anxiety that pop up when I think about cooking real food. That's a thing that drives me bonkers >_> BUT, I know I can work with my limitations and get back to having a good relationship with food again!

Since it is still the dark part of the year, I'm not going to start with any grandiose changes. Small things like:

Task 1: Until the end of January, write down all the food. Don't worry about tracking calories, just write it down. Form a habit, and don't beat yourself up for eating an entire box of mac n cheese. This is objective data, ffs!

Task 2: Prepare one meal of fresh meat and veg per week (start with something like a stir fry, or chicken and steamed broc. Keep. It. Simple.)

Task 3: find/make snacks that are portable and healthy, but which I won't be tempted to eat instead of dinner.

 

 

Goal #2: Handstands, Bichez (arbitrary date, by end of September)

Well this sounds loads more fun than that other goal! Let me just hop right into - No, wait hold it. Baby steps remember? The first step to getting those elusive handstands is to not jack up your shoulder any worse than it already is. The second step is to make it better. (Also, point to note, shoulders are rather important in the physical therapy profession, as we need to be ready to catch falling patients or help them stand up, or scoot them across their bed. But that's much less fun of a focus for this goal.)

Task 1: Do PT daily. If I miss one, don't miss the next day. Never miss 2 in a row. You can do the thing.

Task 2: Do at least 5 minutes of activity daily to get my conditioning back up. (Capoeira, walk around the block, simple core exercises, run up and down the stairs in the freezing cold stairwell...)

Task 0: (yes I know it's out of order) DON'T FRIGGIN HURT YOURSELF. As much as it pains me to say this: STAY AWAY FROM YOGA AND RUNNING, at least for a bit, while you get back on your PT and conditioning. 

 

I've got loads of other areas of my life that need to be worked on, but I think this is good enough for trying to track publicly  I will be trying to keep up with this post on a regular basis, but as stated above I'm also in school and working part time so "free time" is extremely limited! Here's hoping it goes well!

[Mad Hatter]

Ahh I'm so happy you're back and doing great! <3 That's a crazy amount of transitions you've been through in the past year, but I'm so proud of you for doing all the things!

 

And obviously yay for handstands! My favourite is task zero, that's my aim for this year too.  

[tourennatrix]

OMG yes. I knew the word "transition" was coming up a lot lately, but looking at my summary of the past year, I'd say that was ab-so-lutely my overarching theme for the year. AND IT KEEPS GOING!

 

I'll have a "challenge update" tomorrow evening. It's been... not a complete failure :p

[tourennatrix]

Ok, so I started logging stuff for this "challenge" before I decided to get back on NF, so my logs go from 1/11 to 1/20 for this first update. 

 

In this first just-over-a-week:

PT: ... I've done twice. And none of those were the last few days since I posted my battle log here. *ahem* There's still tonight!

Action: I've walked around the block in the freshly fallen snow (a few hours before walking over to the gas station for some awful breakfast and totally biffing it on the edge of the street). I've done an evening of capoeira. I counted my clinical day because I was on my feet pretty much the whole time and running around a nursing home like crazy... And, well... I guess the night isn't over yet?

Food: I've written down all the gross stuff I've been eating, as well as the not-so-gross stuff too. I DID make a real chicken-and-veg meal that didn't taste completely awful. and I DID make some peanut butter balls, but they're only really portable if I, y'no, port them with me >_>

 

I do have some insights about my challenges with food:

1. It's winter. Winter is a time of stillness and slowing down. My body definitely settles into this yearly rhythm, but "society" doesn't. For "society," winter is a bustling time of activity and stressors. Dealing with that takes its toll, and when I get home for the day, I tend to crash pretty hard. Meals that require 'effort' are the hardest thing in the world.

1.5. also, mornings are also the hardest thing in the world   

2. It's winter. It's friggin cold. I could be slamming pre-prepared salad kits and topping them with tuna or other pre-cooked meats, but when it's cold, I want warm cooked food. But, see #1. Cooking is effort!

3. I don't tolerate leftovers well. I've never been a huge fan, but lately it's been worse. Probably #4 has a lot to do with it, and #1. I don't have (nor do I want) a microwave, so reheating things is a bit of a chore. Then it's just a question of whether or not I can stomach the food after it's been reheated.

4. I hate my stove. I've been using a gas stove for the last 12 years and when I moved out of the house I've been surrounded by glass top electrics and they're just the worst. I can't quickly reduce heat when I realize I'm going to char the outside of my chicken while leaving the inside juicy, or when I realize that my rice water is going to boil over yet again. (Okay so a lot of this also comes down to just being 'out of practice' but damn I miss my old gas stove. 

 

There's not really anything I think I can do on the short term for #1 and #2, but I hope that over the course of the year I'll be able to streamline stuff so that next year things will be made easier and simpler. Hopefully also #3 will improve again as well. I kinda think success seems to hinge mostly on #4. Just getting in there and trying to make things again when I *do* have the energy to do it. With enough practice I'll get my mojo back and actually start enjoying making food again!

 

 

No big changes to make over the next week. Just.. y'no... Actually do my PT and 5+ minutes of activity. 

Speaking of...

[tourennatrix]

PT and 5 minutes filled with marches, high-knees, and various core stuff. That'll feel great tomorrow

[tourennatrix]

Taking a brief moment...

 

Just got back from capoeira (~45 minutes of activity and omg I'm declaring this "winter asthma." Is that a thing? If it is, I'm sorry for appropriating the term. I'm really just quite deconditioned for what I'm trying to do). I think unless I'm feeling stellar by bedtime, I might skip PT tonight. Capoeira has a way of making my arm "turn off" sometimes, and I don't want to overdo it. 

 

Food today is being logged as it should. For lunch I tried having leftover rice and chicken and peppers and it was gross. How could this be gross? It tasted fine the first time around! I don't get iiiiiit. 

 

Aside from that, Mondays are my "day off" - I don't have to be at work or at any classes or at my clinical site. Which means it's the day where I have to hunker down and cram all the material I slacked on preparing for since class ended on Thursday. I am learning that I am not the best at managing time for online classes, however I'm kinda stuck with them, so I hope I figure that out soon!  

 

Ok dinner seems to be about done, time to finish that up and get back to learning about lymph nodes x_x

[tourennatrix]

Let's talk a bit about school.

 

First off, let me be clear: I'm loving it. It's stressful and crazy and I don't know how I'm getting by, but I'm loving it. 

 

I'm in a Physical Therapy Assistant program. [In the states, the Physical Therapist is the one who does the diagnosing and coming up with plans and may oversee the more complicated cases. The PTA is the one who, after the initial diagnosis, works directly with the patient (unless it's a really special case, or the PT doesn't trust their PTAs, or the PT is really hands-on, but even then, the PTAs get a lot of work) In most cases the Physical Therapy Assistant has a whole lot of freedom with what to do with the patient to progress them along their plan and get back to proper functioning. It's a lot of hands-on patient care without nearly as much paperwork or liability  ] << I knew almost none of this before my first day of class.

 

My program is one of the 'accelerated tracks' I think. There are some programs that go 3 years, but ours is only 2 years and runs through the summer months. We have 5 clinical rotations, where we go to physical therapy clinics (nursing facilities, acute care in hospitals, and outpatient settings) to observe and get hands on experience with real live broken people. The first 2 rotations are one day per week, then we have a 4-week rotation and back-to-back 5 week rotations where we go for the entire week. Our degree-specific classes are 2 days per week, and any additional classes can either be taken on campus (usually on opposing days) or online.

 

First term was all about the history of the profession and a broad overview of fundamentals. A bunch of safety stuff that we really should know before being sent off to practice working with the masses. Other classes included medical terminology (which I would have loved because it was a language class and I love me some languages) and anatomy (which I wanted to love) - the problem with enjoying these classes was that I was coming off of 8 years of not being in school, and they were cramming an 18 week semester's worth of material into a 12 week trimester. Ouch. (Also the teacher for anatomy was practically nonexistent, one of the risks of taking an online class...)

 

This term I'm taking a hybrid online lecture/campus lab for physiology with an awesome teacher, and my PTA specific course: Functional Anatomy. This is pretty much what I wanted the first term anatomy class to be XD We're spending the entire 12 week term learning muscles, where they attach to the skeleton, what movement they control, and what nerves control them. And we're learning them and learning aspects of our future jobs together. 

 

As a side note, I'm quite amused at how close this program forces its students to become. In our orientation, we were told that we would be practicing on each other, and in the first few weeks I was super nervous about that (in that low-grade anxiety sort of way where you don't really realize you're super nervous until you realize you didn't need to be nervous all along). I know this because after a couple labs, I realized we were all in the same boat. I know that when my classmates are palpating my gluteus maximus, they are not judging my butt, because I have to turn around and palpate their gluteus maximus right back and I am 100% more concerned with making sure I am doing the rest of the exercise correctly XD

 

Overall, between settling back into the rhythm of school and only having 2 classes to compete with my attention (plus my clinical and part time job taking up time)... This term is going a lot smoother than the first. I just got my schedule for next term and It's going to be about the opposite (no clinical to take up a whole day of my time, but FOUR classes to compete for my attention! FOUR! AAAUGH!). But I'm gonna roll with it.

 

 

[Mad Hatter]

On 1/21/2019 at 4:52 AM, tourennatrix said:

 2. It's winter. It's friggin cold. I could be slamming pre-prepared salad kits and topping them with tuna or other pre-cooked meats, but when it's cold, I want warm cooked food. But, see #1. Cooking is effort!

What about warm salads? Or roasted veggies with stuff? Lots of veg but with minimal cooking!

 

On 1/21/2019 at 4:52 AM, tourennatrix said:

 3. I don't tolerate leftovers well. I've never been a huge fan, but lately it's been worse. Probably #4 has a lot to do with it, and #1. I don't have (nor do I want) a microwave, so reheating things is a bit of a chore. Then it's just a question of whether or not I can stomach the food after it's been reheated.

Hmm what are you trying to reheat? I don't have any issues reheating food, but some foods obviously reheat better than others, especially without a microwave. I find that liquid things like soups, curries, stews, daals are easy to reheat and don't lose their quality. Or how about not reheating the food? Say you make chicken for dinner you can slice up the leftovers and use it in a salad the next day, if you do want to go down the salad route after all.

 

On 1/21/2019 at 4:52 AM, tourennatrix said:

 4. I hate my stove. I've been using a gas stove for the last 12 years and when I moved out of the house I've been surrounded by glass top electrics and they're just the worst. I can't quickly reduce heat when I realize I'm going to char the outside of my chicken while leaving the inside juicy, or when I realize that my rice water is going to boil over yet again. (Okay so a lot of this also comes down to just being 'out of practice' but damn I miss my old gas stove. 

I feel ya. I'm used to electrical stoves but they suck. Gas all the way.

 

On 1/22/2019 at 2:39 AM, tourennatrix said:

Just got back from capoeira (~45 minutes of activity and omg I'm declaring this "winter asthma." Is that a thing? If it is, I'm sorry for appropriating the term. I'm really just quite deconditioned for what I'm trying to do).

Haha that's me every time I try to run.  (And by every time I mean once every 2 years) 

 

On 1/23/2019 at 12:02 AM, tourennatrix said:

As a side note, I'm quite amused at how close this program forces its students to become. In our orientation, we were told that we would be practicing on each other, and in the first few weeks I was super nervous about that (in that low-grade anxiety sort of way where you don't really realize you're super nervous until you realize you didn't need to be nervous all along). I know this because after a couple labs, I realized we were all in the same boat. I know that when my classmates are palpating my gluteus maximus, they are not judging my butt, because I have to turn around and palpate their gluteus maximus right back and I am 100% more concerned with making sure I am doing the rest of the exercise correctly XD

Love this!  

 

It makes me think of a story my physio friend told me. She learned dry needling from her super awesome physio boss and during the process there was of course some trial and error while practicing on each other. Which you can imagine can be pretty terrible because dry needling is not the most pleasant. So when she got offered an opportunity to learn advanced dry needling, she noped out SO FAST when she found out that it would include pelvic floor work. I.e. sticking up needles up vajayjays.  I get that in that line of work you become quite desensitised to bodies, but how do you look your boss in the eyes after that?  

[tourennatrix]

Oh wow that story XD nooo thank you! I, unfortunately (or fortunately?) won't be learning dry needling. PTs get to do that, but PTAs don't [emoji14] I would have to go off and learn acupuncture on my own instead. But (and I'm really excited for this) next term we get to learn (some) massage techniques! Yaaaayyy

As for the food stuff... It's a work in progress. I didn't used to have much problem with leftovers, I think part of it is just having a rough winter manifesting in food problems instead of previous years' complete emotional meltdowns [emoji14]

I'm normally not a big fan of soups, but I realized that I can stomach them at least for now, and they're quick to make on the stove and really easy to take to work to make there! (Really handy this weekend since it's going to be hovering around 0*F with wind chill down toward -25* to -35*. Eff that noise, I'm not leaving work to go find food!) This way I'm getting at least *some* veggies instead of my day consisting of 90% wheat-based snacks...

I do also have some sweet potatoes sitting around waiting for me to not panic long enough to cut them up and roast them! thankfully, they're more patient than my other veggies or the chicken I pull out of the freezer

Proper update in the next couple of days I hope

[RogueLibrarian]

Adjusting your diet to green things takes some .... adjusting. But you will love it. 

[Mad Hatter]

4 hours ago, tourennatrix said:

As for the food stuff... It's a work in progress. I didn't used to have much problem with leftovers, I think part of it is just having a rough winter manifesting in food problems instead of previous years' complete emotional meltdowns

Sounds like an improvement to me!  

[tourennatrix]

Quickie week review:

 

PT: 2/6 (hopefully 3/7 this evening). Almost had the *don't miss 2 in a row* until yesterday evening I just noped out of everything

Activity: Monday capoeira, Thursday *actual workout with a friend*, and again there was supposed to be something last night but nope. Hopefully tonight

Food: has been logged diligently (or at least filled in within 24 hours...). Homemade meat and veg meal hasn't happened yet, but I feel a little less bad about it because I've started grabbing soups to up my non-bread intake  straight-up candy intake is down from a few weeks ago, which my heart thanks me for, as well as mindless snacking. Might have a couple more weeks of this before I'm blind-sided by PMS cravings again! Tonight I'm hoping to roast up one of my sweet potatoes, so that should get my meal in for the day. Homemade/healthy snacks are still elusive.

 

I'm not sure how well my plans to catch up will work this evening, tbh. I missed a visit to my clinical site on Wednesday due to an ice storm, so I'm scheduled to make up the day on Monday. Monday is usually my day where I don't have to be anywhere so I block out huge swaths of time to catch up on school work that I'm too exhausted to do on the weekend (I.e., my work week). So tonight, after I'm exhausted from being at work, I get to make sweet potatoes, do my PT, commit 5 minutes to do some sort of activity, and hunker down for some intense reading about the physiology of the respiratory and digestive systems D=

 

Additional observation: For some reason, "5 minutes to do anything, anything, just freaking pick something and do it" doesn't seem to be working all that well. Perhaps in my next set of challenge/goals, it'll be something more like "do a full workout OR do this very specific 5 minute thing" so there's less decision-making on the spot. *Works that problem-solving muscle*

[Mad Hatter]

8 minutes ago, tourennatrix said:

Additional observation: For some reason, "5 minutes to do anything, anything, just freaking pick something and do it" doesn't seem to be working all that well. Perhaps in my next set of challenge/goals, it'll be something more like "do a full workout OR do this very specific 5 minute thing" so there's less decision-making on the spot. *Works that problem-solving muscle*

I have the same problem if I try to do that. For now my goal is to simply do my basic warm up and that works pretty well. Sometimes I end up doing something completely different but that's fine as I have something to fall back to. Or maybe you could do a nice flow chart?  

 

10 minutes ago, tourennatrix said:

Food: has been logged diligently (or at least filled in within 24 hours...). Homemade meat and veg meal hasn't happened yet, but I feel a little less bad about it because I've started grabbing soups to up my non-bread intake  straight-up candy intake is down from a few weeks ago, which my heart thanks me for, as well as mindless snacking.

Nice!

 

How is capoeria going now?  Except for the, ahem, winter asthma.  

[tourennatrix]

Capoeira is... Happening, if only barely. Astronaut moved over an hour away and has a day job so I haven't really trained with him in over a year. Girafa's kids are in more after school activities, so we've only been doing Monday classes and even then only if his kids aren't playing away games in basketball. We've missed a lot of practice, and most of our sessions are just playing games, not doing strict practice. That being said, he has told me that despite our lack of training, he has been pushing me harder and I'm doing better

One thing I'm wanting to do is get some home practice/conditioning set up so I can get it back in my blood (but, one step at a time...)

[Mad Hatter]

Barely happening is way better than not happening! Shame that Astronaut moved so far away though.

 

2 hours ago, tourennatrix said:

That being said, he has told me that despite our lack of training, he has been pushing me harder and I'm doing better 

Nice! Very encouraging.  

[tourennatrix]

Hah, in my region, an hour drive isn't all that much- in fact he lives in the same town as my therapist's office, so I'm there just about every week! We just can't ever make the time to meet up since it's at an awkward part of the day. :/ Some day we'll get back together!

[Mad Hatter]

Well it is far away if it means you haven't seen each other in a year.  

[tourennatrix]

I suppose that makes sense :p

[Happienumber]

On 1/27/2019 at 12:46 PM, tourennatrix said:

One thing I'm wanting to do is get some home practice/conditioning set up so I can get it back in my blood (but, one step at a time...)

 

Taking it step by step is a good plan :D Sounds like you're totally moving in the right directions!

[tourennatrix]

Post-capoeira ramblings:

 

1 hour ago, Happienumber said:

 

Taking it step by step is a good plan Sounds like you're totally moving in the right directions!

Hey there, thanks for dropping in!

 

my end of the week fizzled as far as PT and Activity go, but I managed to cook up a chicken sausage and threw a sweet potato in the oven. When it was all done, it actually tasted good (one of the big struggles I've been having is the sheer disappointment in the taste of anything I make, it doesn't make me eager to try again- at least at this time of year). Like, I remembered how good sweet potatoes are and actually got a little amped to cook up the second one I have on my counter. AND this was after realizing the thing I originally wanted to cook had gone bad- a lot of times that would just cause me to throw up my hands and either skip dinner or get something awful to (not) cheer me up. I rebounded right onto my next option and it actually turned out OK!

But I quickly realized I wasn't actually very hungry once it was done. Womp womp. Hopefully the leftovers will go over well

 

School and weather are being a stress fest. Last Wednesday I was supposed to go to my clinical site, but couldn't due to snow and ice, so I made that time up today. Today was supposed to be my do all the homework day (and also my one day to sleep in which is SO IMPORTANT in winter). But after clinical today I had capoeira and have zero energy to study anything. But hey maybe all of my classes will be cancelled this week due to weather (hello Wednesday with your high of -10*F with windchills down to -30*F) I've already pretty much resigned myself to missing this week's Wednesday clinical because if by some miracle my car does start in the morning, I don't want to end up stranded an hour from home if it won't start in the evening (or worse, if something happens on the open road between towns). 

 

So I'm going to spend the rest of my evening leisurely studying for the stuff that's due tomorrow (because I can't count on class being cancelled  ) and eat this orange and imagine warmer days ahead...

 

 

[Mad Hatter]

Woot for cooking tasty food!

[karinajean]

hi! I'm glad you're back. you and your life right now sound AMAZING! 

[tourennatrix]

2 hours ago, karinajean said:

hi! I'm glad you're back. you and your life right now sound AMAZING! 

Aww thanks! Life definitely feels more like I have an actual direction, even if I am still being pushed around by circumstances (both external and internal) - things are kinda alright  (as long as you avoid the lengths I took to avoid doing dishes this week, that was a bit excessive XD)

 

Speaking of circumstances... NO THANKS. NOPENOPENOPE.

 

Missing my clinical today fo sho, but about to finally knuckle down and start doing loads and loads of schoolwork. Here we go...

[tourennatrix]

 

So mom had "surprise, kids!" lung surgery on Thursday, so I've been on the strugglebus since then. As expected, PT and activity plans are out the window as I've been running around trying to visit her (the hospital is over an hour away), take care of her cats, and maintain my normal work hours (we're short staffed this weekend so I can only leave in the event of a real emergency). Oh and also school stops for no one. On tuesday we're doing physiology lab about how lungs work and i'm gonna be all DX too soon. 

 

On the bright side, next time I see her I think I will have spoken with my clinical PTA and I can get pointers on how to get her to do appropriate exercises so her lungs remember how to function right. I'll get to boss her around a bit in the name of therapy

[Mad Hatter]

Oh no, fingers crossed for a speedy recovery! 

Handling the situation like a boss though!