Defining Discipline

[Defining]

2 hours ago, Deckard Gainz said:

Why not filmmaking? It sounds like it's one of the few interests you can pursue to an appreciable, and possibly even lucrative degree, as well as being creative and expressive.

It's really funny that you should suggest that - since I've found lately that I've definitely been gravitating in that direction, albeit inadvertently. I'm not really looking to change income streams right now (I kinda like being able to do 60-70% of my job in my pjs, and real estate is pretty easy data for me to understand; easy for me + good lifestyle = good job) - but I love the idea of being able to work on it separately in more a creative way.

 

And maybe I can foster a pipe dream of starting a small production firm in town, so that I wouldn't be held to only one discipline but could be an observer all over the place? The beauty of video is that it can be used for all different subjects (eg. sci comm, interviews, explanation videos, etc.), so it could even be a base where I can still explore other interests in depth without feeling unrooted.

[Deckard Gainz]

The general consensus on art as a career is "only do it if you absolutely HAVE to. If you can do literally anything else, do that." Lucrative may have been the wrong word, but some art can make money and some people get lucky and strike some sort of deal getting paid to make what they want. I wouldn't rely on that as a goal though.

 

The small studio thing is exactly what my friend is doing now. In fact, I'll be designing and building the branding and web presence for his new business very soon. And you're right: film/video can be incredibly granular. One of this guy's gigs was just replacing blank screens with graphics - so, mapping the surface of like a moving cell phone screen and adding animations of an app to make it look like the stock video person is using the app being advertised. Pretty specific!

 

I'm not sure what kind of in-person social environments this pursuit might open up for you; that may depend on the size of your city. Where I live at least, there's a reasonable overlap between making film and video, and groups that primarily celebrate the enjoyment of film and video. That's likely where I'd start if I were trying to find a community around this interest. And of course I'm sure there are plenty of online sources for communities with shared interests but I get the vibe that you're looking for a more in-person connection.

[Defining]

Have been busy/stressed covering my business partner's work while she's out of town; frustrated at how different our systems are, and the different ways we prepare/educate clients. Frustrated at the lack of effective communication or record keeping (to be perfectly fair, on both our parts), and just in general cranky. Have been eating like shit, and it's smokey as hell outside right now so I've been avoiding doing much outside of my home gym.

 

I don't know if it's imposter syndrome or an actual problem, but every time I cover someone else and/or get really busy, I start thinking 'I can't do this, I don't actually like this work'; I don't enjoy dealing with important stuff on behalf of other people when the results are depending on SOMEONE ELSE'S ability to do their job. Then again, I also know that my knowledge and skills are well above average in the industry - purely based on experiencing transactions with other agents. But I also don't have confidence in my ability to tolerate another line of work at this point (ie. anywhere I'd actually need to 'go into work' for anything like set hours), or last through schooling to do something else entirely. I've been thinking long-term about getting a law degree to get into real estate law instead - starting with correspondence uni, because it's the least disruptive to my lifestyle - but even that seems too far away some days. The real kicker is that I'm financially stable and perfectly capable of taking steps to progress, but I still feel....stuck. I dunno. Again, maybe I'm just cranky right now.

 

Some days I'm really good about just plodding through what needs to be done, both for work and myself, and other days I feel so lacking for a 'why' that I can't be bothered with any of it. I suspect that's simply the human condition though - I'm not a unique snowflake in this.

 

Am looking at signing up to volunteer in some of the local film communities and events, to get a feel for the industry/people, so that should be good. And I have a great opportunity to do a deep clean in my own environment next week, and I MUST take advantage of that because I'm starting to feel like I'm living in a chaos dimension.

 

Ok. Keep on keeping on.

[Jupiter]

On 5/31/2019 at 7:54 AM, Defining said:

The real kicker is that I'm financially stable and perfectly capable of taking steps to progress, but I still feel....stuck. I dunno. Again, maybe I'm just cranky right now.

 

Maybe you just need to find something that's more fulfilling? Not necessarily in the job, but just doing anything each day that you would find fulfilling. Like doing the film stuff in your down time...maybe it will help you feel less stuck once that gets going?

[Jean]

On 5/31/2019 at 4:54 PM, Defining said:

The real kicker is that I'm financially stable and perfectly capable of taking steps to progress, but I still feel....stuck. I dunno.

 

Genuine question: do you want to go into real estate law? That may have a "different but still the same" feeling in that you'd quickly be good at it and the feeling of novelty would quickly fade. Taking evening classes for that may feel like a big hurdle for not appealing enough results and not be enough of a motivator to have you jump into it with a smile on your face.

 

While I have long yearned for a more orderly life, I've come to realise that I actually like chaos and, despite what I was thinking of it, I have been actively creating chaos in my life as a way to keep myself in a place of both comfort and excitement. The question here, as ever, would be what do you want your life to be ?

 

From what I understand of your writings, I'd say there are only three options there: develop a hobby / side gig that'd turn into whole new prospects in the end (the movies things could be it), go for the more disruptive way and completely overhaul your career (by jumping into another field - not everything requires a degree, by the way, there's a lot of interesting stuff to be done by simply selling yourself into it) or just keeping on with the same and hoping things will get better when you'll be back to handling your own clients.

 

I don't really understand if you're searching for more challenges, less disruption in your life, more mastery of your tasks (that they'd be fully yours and not come from someone else) or if you are indeed just cranky but if the challenge part plays a role in it, then you may be bored and stressed at the same time (because your partner's work is not really challenging but still requires a lot of energy).

 

[Defining]

On 6/1/2019 at 8:50 PM, Jupiter said:

Like doing the film stuff in your down time...maybe it will help you feel less stuck once that gets going?

Maybe!

 

On 6/2/2019 at 5:54 AM, Jean said:

Genuine question: do you want to go into real estate law? 

 

I don't really understand if you're searching for more challenges, less disruption in your life, more mastery of your tasks (that they'd be fully yours and not come from someone else) or if you are indeed just cranky

Real estate law is an 'easy' progression of my existing skill set and experience. There are very few younger people going into that area of law (ie. gap in the market), I already enjoy the minutia of the topic, and it would provide greater stability & diversification in my income long-term. It's a good move. Fortunately, the undergrad can be done almost entirely online, no evening classes required (otherwise I wouldn't even consider bothering).

 

Moving into a brand new area is a stupid move, since either I'd have to 'go into work' which would be a huge compromise in my preferred lifestyle or I would continue to be self-employed (most likely in marketing consulting, considering my background) and that's just more of the same for what's likely to be lower income (at the very least for the first 3-5years).

 

I'm not really looking to move jobs, no - unless I stumble upon something that grips me so tightly that I MUST (which, realistically speaking, I don't anticipate). And I'm also not seeking disruption or challenge. Just....generally seeking some sense of direction. And yes, pursuing more specific extracurricular creative work may fill that gap. The business partner pain point is an ongoing long-term issue, and we've been slowly trying to create systems that work for everyone, but that's not likely to go away - it's just part of the job in my case.

 

[Jean]

On 5/31/2019 at 4:54 PM, Defining said:

The real kicker is that I'm financially stable and perfectly capable of taking steps to progress

 

On 6/4/2019 at 5:24 PM, Defining said:

and it would provide greater stability & diversification in my income long-term.It's a good move.

[...]

Moving into a brand new area is a stupid move

[...]

I'm not really looking to move jobs

[...]

I'm also not seeking disruption or challenge.

 

Sounds like a direction to me. More stability and sturdier income seem to feel like progress and going on, building upon what you've already done is a way to keep moving forward on a given path. Do you feel like all of this is more background than actual life? What would you consider going in a direction to be?

[Defining]

19 hours ago, Jean said:

Do you feel like all of this is more background than actual life? What would you consider going in a direction to be?

It's real life, but it's just....oiling the machine. Things like eating well, working out, making professional and financial plans for the future, etc. - that's all just part of adult responsibilities. They're required.

 

Maybe direction is the wrong word. Motivation? Purpose? Meaning? Fulfillment? A Reason? A Goal? An Ambition? Something even more intangible? I don't anticipate that coming from my profession or income streams, those are totally different things in my head.

[Jupiter]

2 hours ago, Defining said:

It's real life, but it's just....oiling the machine. Things like eating well, working out, making professional and financial plans for the future, etc. - that's all just part of adult responsibilities. They're required.

 

Maybe direction is the wrong word. Motivation? Purpose? Meaning? Fulfillment? A Reason? A Goal? An Ambition? Something even more intangible? I don't anticipate that coming from my profession or income streams, those are totally different things in my head.

 

Sounds like maybe the film stuff is the way to go for now and see how that works. 

[Defining]

9 hours ago, Jupiter said:

Sounds like maybe the film stuff is the way to go for now and see how that works. 

Pretty much! 

[Deckard Gainz]

On 6/6/2019 at 11:40 AM, Defining said:

Maybe direction is the wrong word. Motivation? Purpose? Meaning? Fulfillment? A Reason? A Goal? An Ambition? Something even more intangible? I don't anticipate that coming from my profession or income streams, those are totally different things in my head.

 

I know the struggle. I've taken a lot of steps in a lot of directions to try and locate a path/answer/all-that-stuff-you-listed. I've experienced some temporary relief but ultimately the irrelevance of my own existence, existential ennui, whatever you want to call it: it just doesn't ever go away permanently. Maybe others have had more success, but for me, attempting to layer and chain enough distractions over one another to push those feelings off indefinitely has been a way to at least keep me occupied with something, at least most of the time.

 

I've also struggled with shooting down my own ideas to the point of inactivity. Making major decisions, like the best way to spend our time and energy, can be difficult because those resources are limited and decisions like that have opportunity costs. I have yet to find any one thing or even any combination of things I could consider truly "fulfilling" or "giving me purpose," but I keep on trucking because it's better than doing nothing, or being stagnant. I've even been able to experience moments of pride and self-satisfaction, though they are fleeting. I think part of it is as you've said: the human condition.

 

It sounds like you're on track to making a move into finding a tribe though, so good luck with that, and I really hope you find the experiences at least valuable enough to entertain them for a while.

[Defining]

Welp. There went a month.

 

 

I'm aiming to book a couple days off for myself at the end of the month, I just need to get out of my head, out of town, just OUT for a while.

 

On a side note:  cannabis is legal here now, and I'm super tempted to get a bit to play with during my days off. Can't decide yet if that's a good idea to get out of my head, or a bad idea because I shouldn't be using mind-altering substances to get out of a funk. Alcohol doesn't do anything pleasant to me, and the only other things I have regular experience with are stuff like ephedrine/caffeine, theanine, rhodiola, etc. And those are more about energy levels rather than thinking patterns. If only they had also legalised shrooms...

[Jean]

Glad to see you're still alive, time is a pretty gosh darn good runner.

 

7 hours ago, Defining said:

Can't decide yet if that's a good idea to get out of my head, or a bad idea because I shouldn't be using mind-altering substances to get out of a funk.

I'm not a user, so uneducated advice here but if you're considering it because you need it as a mean to get out of your head, I'd avoid it. If you're considering it because it might be fun and you want to not stress out and do fun stuff during your time off, then it might be an option. My personal favourites are a tent, a fire, some grillable sausages and a river.

 

Take care and enjoy your time off.

[Jupiter]

I agree with Jean, if it's just to get out of your own head then maybe it's not the best idea. Are there some fun activities you can do instead? 

[Deckard Gainz]

On 7/10/2019 at 2:12 PM, Defining said:

Can't decide yet if that's a good idea to get out of my head, or a bad idea because I shouldn't be using mind-altering substances to get out of a funk. Alcohol doesn't do anything pleasant to me, and the only other things I have regular experience with are stuff like ephedrine/caffeine, theanine, rhodiola, etc. And those are more about energy levels rather than thinking patterns. If only they had also legalised shrooms...

 

I have a lot of feelings about this, and enough experience to provide some anecdotal evidence, but I'm hesitant to discuss this stuff publicly. Feel free to send me a message if you'd like some insight on this topic. The extremely abbreviated version is, "it depends." Cannabis probably isn't going to change your life one way or another, but there are some other things that might.

[Defining]

Trying anther challenge this swing around, focusing on strength & building a bit of muscle. In the meantime, I seem to have 'lost' another month. Ah well. Onwards & upwards.

[Defining]

Well. Shit. It's been 3 months?

 

 

So. I do have a few goals for the end of the year:

- rearrange the furniture in my bedroom, shake things up!

- get my camera gear into some semblance of organised

- resume my get-up-it's-morning routine so I don't lose 3hrs to reading first thing

- try to finish the outstanding courses I signed up for to upgrade my license at work

- actually make a plan for 2020, since apparently when I 'go with the flow' nothing happens for 4 months

 

Other 'nice to have' goals to get back into:

- getting back into a 10km/day walking goal

- working out more than 2x a week

- return to a weekly decluttering goal

 

At least I've been eating reasonably 'well'? Thank goodness for protein powder...

[Jupiter]

Well, at least now you know what not to do, right? Those are great end-of-year goals by the way.  

[Defining]

This one is super dense, and mostly for my own reference kids; feel free to ignore.

 

Defining's 2020: Process - mind your P's & Qs (Practicals and Quests)

 

- Professional: I have short-term and long-term goals & plans in place, and I feel that I have a direction to work towards

- Physical: I am improving my overall fitness and strength, and I am challenging myself to move outside my comfort zones - I have also walked to Mordor  

- Personal Space: I have decluttered my space & house; this is both for my own emotional benefit long-term, in addition to getting rid of 'stuff'

- Quotidian: I follow daily routines to add structure to my days; I also prioritise daily healthy habits for activity/nutrition/stress

- Quietude: I am working on my listening skills, and finding moments of gratitude and stillness every day

- Quicken: I am trying new things, but not allowing myself to become preoccupied with a search for a 'passion/purpose'

 

If I finish my quarterly goal early, I can continue on to the next; so obviously some adjustments may need to be made as the year progresses.

 

Q1: Jan-Mar

Professional: need to finish the broker upgrade course, this takes priority over any other auxiliary work goals until it's done; minimum 1hr/day

Physical: C25k, minimum 2x weight lifting a week - minimum 8km walking a day (can be part of the C25k training); book hang gliding for Apr 2020 as motivation

Personal Space: finish decluttering my room, office, and workshop; at least 4hrs/week

Quotidian: make 'wake-up' and 'go to bed' routines a priority; maintain 5:2, protein & veg intake, and possibly increase hydration

Quietude: add some yoga to my morning/evening routines again; set up a book club, remember to listen more than speak

Quicken: join CreativeLive and commit to completing at least one 'course' each quarter; continue to practice video/photography skills

 

Q2: Apr-Jun

Professional: actually start posting regular content for SM/work marketing; set up a better system for transaction tracking & database info

Physical: walk at least 10km/day, 3x weight lifting a week integrating some endurance work; sign up for 'Backcountry Emergency' course & a 5k

Personal Space: finish decluttering the upstairs (as permitted, family stuff might need to be handled separately); at least 5hrs/week

Quotidian: prioritise sufficient hydration, and maintaining existing habits; put together a weekly 'chore' list rather than just cleaning when absolutely necessary

Quietude: continue on with book club & personal yoga practice; attend at least one yoga class a week

Quicken: continue creativelive; record at least one audiobook through ACX

 

Q3: Jul-Sep

Professional: set short & long term goals for business development; make an effort to generate leads & actively increase business for the year

Physical: continue walking & workouts, and start trying for handstands & pull-ups; sign up for an OCR (even if it's a teeny tiny one)

Personal Space: declutter the main level, including kitchen cupboards, wall unit, buffet, etc.; at least 6hrs/week

Quotidian: maintain everything up to this point; walk the dogs at the same times of day (work schedule permitting) because it might be warm out

Quietude: continue w/ book club & yoga work; sign up for 7cups (or something similar?) and/or start a gratitude journal

Quicken: continue creativelive (&ACX?); try at least one new recipe a week (since I already like to cook/bake and I haven't in ages)

 

Q4: Oct-Dec

Professional: keep the new systems in place; reexamine if a part-time gig on the side w/ video production is a good use of time or not

Physical: continue walking & workouts (should reach Mordor by end of Oct?); sign up for rock climbing

Personal Space: declutter at least half of the basement; at least 7hrs/week

Quotidian: maintain nutrition & gratitude journaling; experiment with setting daily/weekly checklists

Quietude: continue w/ book club; maybe sign up for first level yoga training course?

Quicken: continue creativelive (&ACX?); time to sign up for a correspondence uni course?

 

Which should, all things being equal, hopefully set me up with more data & better physical/emotional health to tackle 2021. Gah. I'm already nervous looking at this all laid out, because it seems like a huge amount of stuff. But I also know that I've broken it down into smaller and more manageable steps, and that it's all totally doable. So. 

 

[Defining]

Guys, I really really hate running. Maybe if I train for stamina using mostly rowing instead, and then focus on mostly technique for the odd running need? I dunno…. Putting some thought into how I want to structure this challenge as well...

[Jupiter]

Hmm I don't know. I hate running too and avoid it where possible. 😕 

[Defining]

OK! Breaking down each quarter into 6 week stints puts me a little out of sync with the NF challenges, but that's what works for ME.

 

Q1A:

Professional: upgrade course, min 1hr/day

Physical: 2x weight lifting a week, 8-10km walking/day, and then skip rope/rowing/100-up for my running challenge in anticipation of starting C25k for the last 2-4weeks

Personal Space: focusing on my office and piles of stuff in my room, before I tackle reorganising drawers n stuff; min 4hrs/week

Quotidian: get back into the habit of setting up water bottles the night before, my routines/food/etc are more or less steady-ish

Quietude: yoga has been added to morning/evening routines, and I'm going to get this book club set up to hopefully meet for the first time beginning of Feb

Quicken: joined CreativeLive, going through a 'making a documentary' course to learn about the basics and brush up on storytelling

 

By Feb 15, 2020 I will have nearly finished my broker course, pushed myself into running a bit, organised some of my immediate physical environment, really solidified my daily routines and drinking more water, had a book club meeting, and completed a fun video course. Holy crap.

[Jupiter]

7 hours ago, Defining said:

OK! Breaking down each quarter into 6 week stints puts me a little out of sync with the NF challenges, but that's what works for ME.

 

Q1A:

Professional: upgrade course, min 1hr/day

Physical: 2x weight lifting a week, 8-10km walking/day, and then skip rope/rowing/100-up for my running challenge in anticipation of starting C25k for the last 2-4weeks

Personal Space: focusing on my office and piles of stuff in my room, before I tackle reorganising drawers n stuff; min 4hrs/week

Quotidian: get back into the habit of setting up water bottles the night before, my routines/food/etc are more or less steady-ish

Quietude: yoga has been added to morning/evening routines, and I'm going to get this book club set up to hopefully meet for the first time beginning of Feb

Quicken: joined CreativeLive, going through a 'making a documentary' course to learn about the basics and brush up on storytelling

 

By Feb 15, 2020 I will have nearly finished my broker course, pushed myself into running a bit, organised some of my immediate physical environment, really solidified my daily routines and drinking more water, had a book club meeting, and completed a fun video course. Holy crap.

 

Very nice! Good luck!!

[fitnessgurl]

On 12/30/2019 at 11:47 AM, Defining said:

Guys, I really really hate running. Maybe if I train for stamina using mostly rowing instead, and then focus on mostly technique for the odd running need? I dunno…. Putting some thought into how I want to structure this challenge as well...

Do the exercise you like to do; otherwise you'll end up not doing anything.

[Defining]

5 minutes ago, fitnessgurl said:

Do the exercise you like to do; otherwise you'll end up not doing anything.

I mean, yes....but in this particular case, no. This is a skill that I want to learn in order to do other stuff; so I can mix it with other exercises that I enjoy more, but it's also something that I want to learn so I can go on to the next step for other projects.