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Defining

Defining Discipline

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10 hours ago, fitnessgurl said:

You stayed consistent with established habits. You're going to finish your schooling. Count these wins. You're dealing with a lot right now.

 

Seconded. You may be going a little more slowly than you wanted to, but you're still going and that's what counts. :) 

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Sure, why not add a digestive flare up for the week, that's always fun! *headdesk*

 

Nearly finished my upgrade course, but I'll have to book in to sit the proper exam, and I have NO idea if they're doing that right now. Will put it off for a week or two anyway, knowing me...

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11 minutes ago, Defining said:

Sure, why not add a digestive flare up for the week, that's always fun! *headdesk*

 

Nearly finished my upgrade course, but I'll have to book in to sit the proper exam, and I have NO idea if they're doing that right now. Will put it off for a week or two anyway, knowing me...

 

Aw man I'm sorry about the digestive issues. :( At least you're almost finished with your upgrade course though. Nice job!

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9 hours ago, Defining said:

I spent 6 hours decluttering today, and it felt great. Sometimes doing it all in one go is better than pieces!

 

Indeed!

 

Hi! 

Following along for more accountability if you still need any :) And totally here for the "thinking out loud" posts in between your tracking ones. 

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20 hours ago, Defining said:

I spent 6 hours decluttering today, and it felt great. Sometimes doing it all in one go is better than pieces!

 

Wow, nice job!!

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Look, I like snow. I'm ok with a bit of cold. But it'd be really nice if we have TWO DAYS IN A ROW of temperatures above 5C by the time April rolls around. Gah.

 

Self-wankery stream of consciousness bullshit, feel free to ignore:

Spoiler

Have been struggling with feeling competent with work lately. I am something of a 'know it all', and have been since I was a child. I LIKE sharing knowledge and information; but I also have a habit of going overboard, which is easily witnessed even here with some of my 'informative' posts. In the context of work, a bit of knowledge at a time is useful, but I struggle to know when to stop talking. I also enjoy deep-diving into the topics around work, so I can confidently say that I'm better informed on certain topics than most of my 'competitors', which in theory SHOULD be an advantage, but in reality...?  Not only that, but I've always struggled to empathise with others, or to understand their motivations; I can fake it pretty damn well and understand intellectually that it's important to respect people's differences, but in truth I rarely give a crap about other people's preferences.

 

So the question becomes: are these skills that I need to improve on, or am I better off to find a different line of work? The reality is that I've become quite spoiled by the 'work at home, self-directed' lifestyle, and I don't think I could go back to a more regimented schedule. That limits my options, to a certain extent - and then I need to examine the opportunity costs of pursuing a different industry/line of work vs. getting my head out of my ass and just putting in some work to be better at my job. Not to mention that listening skills and the ability to empathise are required soft skills for virtually any kind of sales, which is a necessary aspect of ANY type of self-employment.

 

All of this is rolled into an utter lack of enthusiasm when I look ahead to the next decade (or several decades), and I don't feel gratification when I imagine success in this industry. Conversely, I can't imagine another professional (or hobby even) where I WOULD feel that gratification. Which then leads me to wonder if this isn't all a related issue of depression/lack of interest/detachment. I'm relatively confident that this cyclical 'DGAF' stuff is mostly thought-led, rather than a chemical issue. I may need to seek some help to confirm that, just in case. But I would need to be open to accepting someone else's opinion on my own thought processes - and frankly, I'm not confident that I can do that. Yes, I am arrogant enough to think that most therapists would not be able to offer more insight into my own psyche than I myself can garner. Not an attractive trait, I know - but at least I'm honest with myself about it.

 

I'm supposed to start putting some marketing/tracking tools together for work, so I suppose this is good timing in the grand scheme of things. I don't really wanna, but I also know that it has to happen (and I wrote it down and stuff) so I really should. Will sit down and break that down into a few measurable goals for Q2 work items.

 

My Q2 physical & routine goals are more or less on track, net the 'in person class' stuff, which is not accessible right now. I haven't met my creative goals, or my decluttering goals - but I've been jumping from focus to focus in those areas to make different types of progress, so...good enough? I will revisit those timelines as well and see if I'm actually get stuff done or if I just think I have been.

 

I like the reminder to 'reset' every quarter, but also struggle with how fast time passes; does anyone else feel like they're sometimes just pushing the same boulder up a hill?

 

Ok. Stay positive. Stay productive. Stay focused. Deep breaths.

 

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Whew! Those are some really big questions you're facing (in the spoiler and out of it).

 

The only thing I think might be useful to offer is maybe: there are these meditations where you first think about self-love, then expand into love for those close to you, then "love" people you know, and then love for people you don't know. And maybe check out the philosophy behind that. If meditation is your thing and you can handle a bit of "airy stuff" See if it does something to make you 'care'.

 

There are lots of people that care about others' preferences and then still mess up though, and hurt others, or even intentionally hurt others, so I wouldn't hold it against you. (Also, of course, Idk what exactly you are talking about so this is a general train of thought.)

 

Actions are more important than words, and I could totally live with someone "faking" caring about my preferences. Especially in a professional setting :D and then doing what (s)he wants to with or without (but with an explanation) regard to my preferences.  AS long as that person is straight forward with me and doesn't go behind my back?

 

As someone that empathises A LOT with others, I can sincerely say it can give you lots of nice feelings though, but also a lot of shitty ones. 

 

So. I guess this is part of your journey. :) It'd be boring if you knew everything, or even knew what was worth working on or changing all the time... Right? right? :D 

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3 hours ago, analoggirl said:

The only thing I think might be useful to offer is maybe: there are these meditations where you first think about self-love, then expand into love for those close to you, then "love" people you know, and then love for people you don't know. And maybe check out the philosophy behind that. If meditation is your thing and you can handle a bit of "airy stuff" See if it does something to make you 'care'.

 

--

 

As someone that empathises A LOT with others, I can sincerely say it can give you lots of nice feelings though, but also a lot of shitty ones. 

 

So. I guess this is part of your journey. :) It'd be boring if you knew everything, or even knew what was worth working on or changing all the time... Right? right? :D 

Thanks for the suggestions! It's not that I don't care about others, in the sense that if someone is hurt I am distressed not indifferent. It's more like...I don't understand how other people's thought processes work. Non-PC examples in the spoiler.

Spoiler

 

For example, I don't get how some people choose to spend their money, when they don't budget for savings and buy expensive luxury/entertainment stuff instead. Or how they can be ok with leaving a dog home alone for 6+hrs straight. Or why having a biological child is somehow better than adopting, when they choose to put a mother/child through a high-risk pregnancy. Or people who don't like pie. It could be that I'm just a judgy asshole. ;)

 

In the context of work (where I help people buy and sell their homes), I struggle to understand stuff like why a type of countertop material takes priority over, say, the kitchen layout. Or why some people seem to think that their house is worth more than the identical one that just sold down the street. I mean, it's all totally normal - I just don't get it! I am hugely transparent about my biases though, and always start working relationships with the disclaimer that if they disagree just to tell me and I'll shut up! I also would never go behind a client's back, that would be unethical and against all sorts of fiduciary duty stuff.

 

 

So part of what I need to work on is...being ok with not understanding. Specifically for work, simply saying 'ok, let's ask', rather than arguing with what I think is stupid/unreasonable. Part of the challenge is that when I butt heads with a client, it's pretty much always because I'm TRYING to work in their best interests! But I need to learn how to do that in different ways. And also talking less, giving people less not-immediately-relevant info (because it can end up confusing them), and being more sensitive to verbal tone (which I suck at). It could definitely be said that these are skills I probably should have developed in grade school, and just never bothered to because historically I've cared more about my own opinion than someone else's. Not caring about external motivation/validation can be great in some ways, but also hugely destructive in other ways.

 

--

 

I have not been as productive as I had initially estimated for my creative & decluttering. On the plus side, I now have A LOT of time on my hands, so I can make it up(?). Work goals are going to be harder, because I need to just sit down and get shit done. Which is probably a good thing to practice anyway. But I might actually schedule some hours on specific days for this work, so I am less likely to skip it. I'm thinking Mon/Wed/Fri from 11:00-15:00 will be committed specifically to work goals.

 

I've also been doing two-a-day shorter workouts, which has been a nice change of pace. Tempted to do a proper 'recomp' right now as well, with some more strict planning around diet & exercise. Putting that idea on hold for another couple weeks to make sure that I'm not taking on too much at once though. Household chores are another thing on my list that I'd like to create a schedule for, so we'll see how it goes!

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On 4/18/2020 at 9:06 PM, Defining said:

So part of what I need to work on is...being ok with not understanding. Specifically for work, simply saying 'ok, let's ask', rather than arguing with what I think is stupid/unreasonable. Part of the challenge is that when I butt heads with a client, it's pretty much always because I'm TRYING to work in their best interests! But I need to learn how to do that in different ways. And also talking less, giving people less not-immediately-relevant info (because it can end up confusing them), and being more sensitive to verbal tone (which I suck at). It could definitely be said that these are skills I probably should have developed in grade school, and just never bothered to because historically I've cared more about my own opinion than someone else's. Not caring about external motivation/validation can be great in some ways, but also hugely destructive in other ways.

 

 

 

Ahaaa. Well I kind of did get that you cared about others but not their motivations. The meditations are kind of meant to also get you to respect others' way of life even when you cannot understand their motivations in life, kind of thing. Ahh. Idk how to explain. Anyway, reading back it sounds like I implying I interpreted your words as you having 0 empathy, which I didn't :)

 

Nonetheless, I get you a lot better now. :) 

I especially relate to the bold part. Although I can, for the most part, shut that part of my brain off that wants to tell others what I THINK they should do because reasons A-Z, and focus on getting them to where they want to be without needing to understand their why.

 

(Bonus side of that approach is, that the sooner they get where they want to be, the sooner they might reach they same conclusion you did. Or not, and they're happy where they are. Either way, you helped them in the best way that you could.)

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As much as I like my whiteboard, I need a better way to keep my life organised. Resuming my search for an effective task/calendar/database/goal management tool  - be it virtual or analog or some combination. Blargh, I will I had the skills to just MAKE what I want.

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3 hours ago, Defining said:

As much as I like my whiteboard, I need a better way to keep my life organised. Resuming my search for an effective task/calendar/database/goal management tool  - be it virtual or analog or some combination. Blargh, I will I had the skills to just MAKE what I want.

 

Just going to throw out some ideas: Day planner? Excel spreadsheet? Handwritten or computer-made chart? Pretty/color-coded chart? Bullet journal? I think @Waanie or @NightWatcher13 had a nice one. There are lots of habit/goal tracker templates online if you want to try one of those instead? Or maybe try different apps? That's all I can think of. Hope this helps. 

 

ETA: In retrospect this seems like a dumb comment LOL, I'm sure you've tried a lot of this stuff already. It's definitely a pain to have to keep searching and trying different things. Crossing my fingers and hoping you can find what works for you. 

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1 hour ago, Jupiter said:

ETA: In retrospect this seems like a dumb comment LOL, I'm sure you've tried a lot of this stuff already. It's definitely a pain to have to keep searching and trying different things. Crossing my fingers and hoping you can find what works for you. 

Totally not dumb, I appreciate the suggestions!

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4 hours ago, Defining said:

Totally not dumb, I appreciate the suggestions!

 

Sure thing. :) 

 

On 4/15/2020 at 9:41 AM, Defining said:

 

Ok. Stay positive. Stay productive. Stay focused. Deep breaths.

 

You got this! Cheering for you!

 

On 4/18/2020 at 12:06 PM, Defining said:

It's more like...I don't understand how other people's thought processes work.

 

I'm with you on this one, I just don't get people sometimes. They do the things they do and want the things they want and it just doesn't always make sense. 

 

On 4/18/2020 at 12:06 PM, Defining said:

I have not been as productive as I had initially estimated for my creative & decluttering. On the plus side, I now have A LOT of time on my hands, so I can make it up(?). Work goals are going to be harder, because I need to just sit down and get shit done. Which is probably a good thing to practice anyway. But I might actually schedule some hours on specific days for this work, so I am less likely to skip it. I'm thinking Mon/Wed/Fri from 11:00-15:00 will be committed specifically to work goals.

 

I've also been doing two-a-day shorter workouts, which has been a nice change of pace. Tempted to do a proper 'recomp' right now as well, with some more strict planning around diet & exercise. Putting that idea on hold for another couple weeks to make sure that I'm not taking on too much at once though. Household chores are another thing on my list that I'd like to create a schedule for, so we'll see how it goes!

 

Sounds like a solid plan, and nice job on the workouts!

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Welp. Still ongoing nerve issues, thank you vehicular collision. Fortunately most of my mobility is back to where it was (pretty shitty to begin with). Working out when I feel good, and resting when I don't. Have not decluttered much, and have not been otherwise productive much. Lots of reading, and online content consumption. Work is starting to pick back up, which is good, but I am once again confronted with the face that I don't necessarily always like my job (which, granted, is pretty normal I think). The world is also kind of crazy right now. Interesting times....

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